All You Leave Behind
by Lynnth2014
Summary: Carol's on the run from a mistake in her recent past, but the only place she can go has the man she ran from originally. She had to find somewhere safe for her daughter, and that meant going home, back to her friends and family, back where they would find happiness. But with light, there is always dark, and he was Carol's. He would find them, it was only a matter of time.
1. Run, Boy, Run

**_Italicized words are in the past._**

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

_**Daryl picked up the phone at midnight, rubbing his eyes, wondering who the hell kept calling him. His phone rang all week at the same time, and he was so sick of it. He decided he was going to tell the person to fuck off.**_

"_**Do you have any idea what goddamn time it is?!" he shouted. "Go—"**_

"_**Daryl?" It was woman's voice on the other line. Her voice was thin and airy, like she'd been running, and she was scared. He could hear the fear in her voice.**_

_**He tensed. "Who...?"**_

"_**Go! Run!" A man shouted on the other line.**_

"_**Oh, God."**_

"_**Stop!" It was a different voice. **_

_**The dial tone sounded in Daryl's ear, his heart was pounding in his chest, and he was frozen. "Carol?" he shouted. "Carol?!"**_

_**The phone never rang again at midnight**._

– – –

Daryl looked over the books while Sam and Jonas closed down the shop. He was doing quite well. He'd got the shop from T-dog, who opened another one on the other side of town, and they decided to make it partnership about seven years ago. He was reluctant to do accept back then because of...

He shook his head and close the book. He locked it away and dug out the keys to his car. He waved two the guys before leaving. He had a lot on his mind. Merle was back in town, and he was already trying to get money, but Daryl had to things to do. He couldn't always be there for Merle. He would give him only enough to get back on his feet, and if he blew it on drugs, Daryl was done. He loved his brother, but there was only so much he could take.

He went home, tossing his keys in the ugly ass clay dish someone had made him what felt like a lifetime ago, and he plopped down on the couch. He flipped through the channels, leaving it on a random sports show before passing out. He was so tired. He needed to hire another mechanic. That punk Jimmy kept showing up late, and he was cocky as hell. One of these days, Daryl was going to throw his getho ass out onto the path of a fast moving semi-truck.

––

Carol checked out the windows again, her heart pounding at the rainy scenery, and she took a deep breathe. She was safe. She had to be. She'd been running for six days, sleeping on buses and in dark allies. Well, not her, but her daughter. Carol blacked out from exhaustion, and she ended up here. Her gun was gone, and she had no idea where she was. A hotel, but she didn't know the town or state. God, help them.

Carol looked at her four-year-old daughter. She was so beautiful, but so pale, so skinny. She looked like Carol did at age four, with the same light red hair, pale skin that bloomed freckle when in the sun for too long, and she had the same eyes as her father, which haunted Carol a little. They'd been on the run for a month now, and Carol wasn't going back. She refused. She would never let that life touch her or Sophia again. Whoever took them...she would kick their ass and run. God, she hoped she could run. She hadn't eaten in three days. Any food she had, she gave to Sophia. She couldn't bear to wash her daughter starve. She needed to get her shit sorted.

The door opened, Carol grabbed the chair by the window and almost bashed it into the man that entered, but she heard him shout at her, and she knew that voice. She dropped the chair and hugged him, sobbing out of relief. Her body loosened up, and she felt so weak as her body trembled from the sobbing. It wasn't him! It wasn't him! Thank you, Jesus!

"Mommy?" Sophia was frowning. "Mommy."

"It's okay." Carol released the man and smiled. "This is Mommy's friend, Axel Welsh."

Axel was a friend she met at a gas station. He was going to rob them, but Carol bumped into him and knocked the gun—water gun—out of his pocket and under one of the racks. Carol nearly lost all of the food she'd stolen too, and Axel felt what all she'd taken, and she was so scared he'd rat her out, but he nodded at her to leave. He got the man attention by complaining about the lack of oil choices. He also talked to her on the bus out of town. She knew him from grade school? Maybe high school. She couldn't be sure. It was history anyway, and it didn't need to be brought up. She was sure she was so grateful to him. Sophia ate well that week.

"How did you find us?" Carol breathlessly asked.

He closed the door. "I've been followin' you," he admitted. "Figured you could use a hand."

"Is that chicken?" Sophia asked, looking at the bag, smelling it.

"Yeah. Do you want some?"

"Could she?" Carol asked, like she had never been given anything in her life.

"I bought enough for all of us." He set the bag on the table and unloaded it, Sophia waited politely for her mom to make her plate, and Carol sat down to do so. She was so dizzy, and the pain of hunger was really weighing down on her. "I got chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, mac and cheese and biscuits."

"Here." Carol handed her biscuit. "Eat slowly or you'll get a stomach ache."

Sophia took it and slowly ate, though she wanted to shove it down her throat and hoped she didn't choke. Carol made them plates, Axel sat across from her, and Sophia sat in a chair, watching cartoons while stuffing her face. Carol was glad Sophia had something to eat that was healthy—mostly. She couldn't remember the last time they had something warm to eat.

"How're you doin'?" Axel whispered, trying not get Sophia's attention.

"Not well." She rubbed her shoulder. "He's still coming after us, and I can only do so much." Tears filled her eyes, and she took a shaky breath in. "Thank you so much for this, Axel."

"You looked like you need it." He smiled a little at her. He knew she didn't remember him from high school, but he remember her. She was the only girl in school that was so hell-bent on going to college that she managed to juggle almost every extracurricular activity. She was so kind and willing to help anyone. He was so sad when he heard about her and her first husband. He was glad she tried again, but he wished this hadn't happened. When _she_ told him about Carol, he knew he had to help.

"So, where are you going?" Carol searched his eyes.

"Back home. My brother's waiting."

"That must be nice." Carol smiled sadly. "I wish I had family to go back to, but..."

He frowned. "Carol, yo—"

"No." She shook her head. "I don't have any family. I'm...an orphan." She was terrible at lying, but she couldn't let Sophia or...**him** know she had a large family who were probably worried about her. She had to protect them. She'd even lied about her maiden name, but only because she was trying to run from her past at the time. She didn't want it catching up to her. Twenty-fours years of life, and she didn't want her past to catch up to her. She never thought that would happen so soon or...at all.

She ran a hand through her hair. "Sophia, baby, go wash your face for bed," Carol told her once she'd finished eating.

Sophia threw her plate away and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

"What do you want in return?" Carol looked at Axel.

"Excuse me?"

"I've been here before, and there's always a price. What do you want?"

"Jesus, Carol!" He was disgusted at the idea of her paying him back with sex. "I'm not that guy!"

"You're not?" She searched his eyes closely. "Do you mean that?"

"Yes, I swear to God. I just want to help."

"Really?" She was so disbelieving. "And you won't try anything...with her?"

"Carol, I would never."

She nodded, overwhelmed with emotions. She needed to change the subject or she was going to start bawling over her chicken. She didn't want Sophia to see her cry any more than she already had. "Can I have my gun back?"

"Gun?" He frowned. "You didn't have a gun."

She panicked. "No? I had a gun. It was 9 mm. I sold my engagement ring for it."

He smirked. "I'm kidding." He set a duffel bag on the table from the floor beside him, pulled the zipper down and showed her it was there. "I figured Sophia shouldn't see it."

"Thanks, jerk."

He smiled. "Let's leave in there. Guns scare the shit outta me."

She nodded and saw Sophia in her nightgown by the bathroom door. "Just get comfy, baby."

Sophia crawled onto the bed then stopped. "I need Dee Dee."

"Who?" Axel's brows furrowed.

"Her bear." Carol grabbed the bear from the bag and climbed into the bed beside her. "Here's Dee Dee."

"Will you stay?" Sophia asked, looking at her mom.

"Always." Carol brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "Get under there. Your toes are ice cold." Carol pulled the blankets down and covered them, Sophia snuggled closer to her, and Carol put her arm around Sophia's shoulders.

"I only got one room," Axel told her. "Toss me a pillow. I'm a no stranger to sleepin' on the floor."

Carol picked up a pillow and tossed it to him. "Thank you, Axel."

He nodded, lying on the floor and using a his own blanket to cover himself. Carol melted into the bed, feeling Sophia safe in her arms, and she prayed to God they could stay that way for a while. They'd been through so much, and Carol wasn't sure she could take much more. She needed somewhere safe for Sophia to be, but the only place they could go would put them all in danger. She may have to risk if it came to that. Until then, she could try to change her identity, get a job and try and support them. She might have to anyway.

_**Hello, hello anybody out there? 'Cause I don't hear a sound.**_

_**Alone, alone I don't really know where the world is, but I miss it now.**_

_**I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name like a fool at the top of my lungs.**_

_**Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm all right but it's never enough.**_

_**'Cause my echo, echo is the only voice coming back.**_

_**My shadow, shadow is the only friend that I have.**_

She needed to get as far away from that town—that man—as she could. He would be following them, and he was reason Carol didn't want to return to her hometown, to her family. She wasn't putting any of them at risk. He was a powerful man who knew powerful people. She just needed to find a place to lay low, save money and leave. Maybe fly to Canada. Anywhere would be a blessing. She needed a fresh start, and she needed to make sure no one ever found them again.

_**Listen, listen I will take a whisper if that's all you had to give.**_

_**But it isn't, isn't you could come and save me and try to chase it crazy right out of my head.**_

_**I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name like a fool at the top of my lungs.**_

_**Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm all right but it's never enough.**_

_**'Cause my echo, echo is the only voice coming back.**_

_**My shadow, shadow is the only friend that I have.**_

Carol knew of only one other person who would stick their neck out for an old friend. She wasn't sure if she could get her number, but she had to try. She heard her husband was a police officer now, so maybe he could help. She hadn't spoken to Lori since high school, but they were really close and they made a pact to always look out for one another. Carol needed looking out for desperately. If Lori was a woman of her word, Carol and Sophia could be still and safe for a little while.

For the first time in years, Carol felt hopeful. She'd endured so much, made so many mistakes, but if this worked out, she would go back to them and _never,_ **ever** leave them again. She missed her parents, the sound of her sisters arguing, her annoying but loving older brother always teasing and nagging her, and her aunt and uncle. God, she missed them all so much. She missed being able to hear her dad's voice when he yelled at her or when he was proud of her, and her mother. She missed her mother's hugs and cooking. She missed the scents of Sunday morning breakfasts and the way the farm smelled. She used to hate all the work on the weekends, but what she wouldn't give to hold a hoe again, to grow food and raise animals. She missed the horses the most of all the animals.

Carol fell into a deep slumber at the thoughts of her childhood home. She felt the smile on her lips. She was so at peace for the first time in years, and she slept without waking up in a cold sweat fearing he was near for the first time in months. It was the best gift anyone could've given her. She was so thankful to Axel. She hoped she could repay him for this one day.

––

Daryl flipped through the bills, finding a lot of junk mail, and he tossed it into the trash, keeping on the electric bill. He really needed to check that mailbox more often. He was tempted to hire a housekeeper, but he hated prying eyes. All of the people in this town were nosy, especially that little girl who always seemed to be in his shop. What the hell was her name? Beth? Yep, Beth. She was the most annoying girl. He didn't need her looking out for him. He was grown ass man, and he could take care of himself. He, on occasion, chose not to. Who was she to tell him he shouldn't do that?

Daryl drank two cups of coffee and ate a few donuts before leaving. He found an old friend on his doorstep, and he was tempted to shut the door in his face, but he couldn't. He stepped aside and let him in. "You look like shit. The hell happened to you?"

"Same old." Shawn sat on the couch. "Any news?"

"You got the job," was all Daryl said.

"Yay." Shawn ran a hand through his hair and exhaled deeply. "Man, it's shitty."

"She ain't doin' well?" Daryl sat in the chair. Annette Greene had gotten real sick these past few months, and Shawn was trying to find a good doctor. Hershel was too busy with the bills and trying to pay them to thoroughly look, so Shawn was looking. Maggie and Beth were helping out as best they could, but they didn't know what to do or who could help. Daryl had offered to help, but he wasn't good for it. It ate at him, but he didn't know any doctors. He couldn't be of any help.

"No. We had to take her to the hospital last night." Shawn was so pale, and he had red around his eyes from lack of sleep. He'd lost weight too. Beth could take him.

"I'm sorry."

"Do you really know nothin'?" Shawn looked at him. "She was **your** goddamn wife!"

Daryl said nothing.

"You were married! You shared a bed, surely secrets too! If she had said anythin', you would know. Tell me, you son of a bitch!" Shawn snapped and grabbed Daryl by the collar of his shirt. "Tell me!"

"You'd best put me down," Daryl hissed.

Shawn blinked several times then set Daryl down. "I—God, I'm sorry." He fell back onto the couch and ran a hand down his face. "I haven't slept in three days, and I got nothin' done. Nothin'. I'm so useless."

"You just needa sleep."

"Do you got anythin'?" Shawn asked.

Daryl narrowed his eyes. "No."

"Do you mean it? 'Cause if you started usin' again, I—"

"I'm clean, asshole. Get your ass home. I got shit to do today." He rose and opened the front door. "I'm real sorry 'bout Annette, but we ain't family or friends, so stop comin' by with your problems. I got my own problems."

Shawn leaned in the doorway. "Losin' all you lost...I get it, but don't push away a friend." He left the house, and Daryl ground his teeth, slamming the door.

He wasn't in the mood for work, so he grabbed a bottle out of the fridge, but no cup. If only Merle were there to have a bottle with him. Jackass was locked up for another two weeks. Daryl tossed the cap into the corner and drank deeply. He wasn't in the mood to be around other people, and he knew if he went to work shitfaced, T would sack him. He couldn't afford to lose that job, so he was staying home and drinking his sorrow away.

She did this to him. He wasn't blaming her—it _was_ her fault. If he had never met her, his life woulda been so much better. His "wife". Tsk. He was married to a vixen, and he should've listened to his brother. Why the hell didn't he? Right, because he "loved" the bitch. Tsk, what a fucking joke.

_**I don't wanna be without it and I just wanna feel alive and get to see your face again.**_

_**I don't wanna be without it and I just wanna feel alive and get to see your face again.**_

_**Just my echo, Oh, my shadow, you're my only friend.**_

_**And I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name like a fool at the top of my lungs.**_

_**Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm all right but it's never enough**_

_**'Cause my echo, echo.**_

_**Oh my shadow, shadow.**_

_**Hello, hello anybody out there...**_

Daryl picked up the picture frame, glanced at it and threw it hard against the wall. He went upstairs, chugging now.

In the picture that lay on the floor surrounded by glass was the wedding picture of him and Carol Greene on the Greene's farm nearly five years ago.

– – –

_Carol was working late at the Greene Leaf__. She had to make sure she had enough money for both his gift and paying off her car. She wanted it to be a surprise, and she really hoped her brother hadn't gotten it for him after she told him she was buying that for him. She could see him doing that. He always manages to have a better gift than her. But this? There was no way he could top this unless he bought it first._

_Carol sighed at the empty scene before her. She was so tired. She hadn't slept in so long. She needed coffee to wake her up or tea to put her to sleep. If no one entered in five minutes, she was closing. She doubted Maggie or Beth would mind. It was their turn to work anyway. Yeesh. Why was she such a pushover for them? Sisters._

_Carol checked her watch and when she looked up, a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing was in front of her. She smiled and turned to find Daryl Dixon smirking down at her. She slipped her arms around his neck. "I thought you were working tonight."_

"_Got off early."_

"_And the cupcake? I thought Rhee's Bakery was closed already."_

"_I know people." He took a bite of the cupcake._

"_Hey. Give me that." She took it from him and bit into it. Red velvet cupcakes were her favorite cupcake in the world. Since Rhee was their competitor, Maggie, Carol and Beth weren't allow to go inside. Daddy was pretty adamant about that rule. Most people came to Greene's for the cheesecake and brownies that Annette, Jacqui and Carol baked, but Rhee was the cupcake palace. They had so many different types, and they made pizza. Their son, Glenn, delivered it. He was a really nice kid, really smart. He was an senior like Maggie next year. Carol was graduating this month in the class of 2014 with Daryl and her best friends Lori and Andrea. _

"_Slow down. Last time you ate one real fast, you got sick."_

"_In my defense, I hadn't eaten all day, and you're the one who thought it was a good idea to give all the teachers laxative-filled cupcakes as a prank."_

"_Yeah, but I told you **twice** yours was in my locker."_

"_That's where I found the one I ate." She narrowed her eyes. _

"_I had four in my locker, and you grabbed the wrong one."_

"_Uh-huh." She picked up the keys from behind the counter and locked the doors. "You need to leave."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because I haven't finish paying off my car, and it's still at T-dog's shop, so Daddy's picking me up. I have to call him when I'm done." She turned and found him on top of the counter. "And you know how he feels about you."_

"_What is it this time?" he mocked. "Bad influence? Might get you into drugs? Drinking? A tattoo? Pregnant?"_

"_Daryl, don't." She went to the back to get the clean supplies._

"_I ain't doin' nothin'—it's him." Daryl followed her. "What did I do to him?"_

"_I don't know." She grabbed the bottle with table written on it and a rag. "He doesn't like Randall either." She closed the door and returned to the front to clean the tables. "Besides, I don't think it's you he doesn't like."_

_Daryl leaned against the counter. "He don't like Merle?"_

_Carol didn't look at him. "He did break into the shop—twice—and left a mess. He cost us almost two hundred dollars in supplies, not to mention—"_

"_I ain't Merle!"_

"_I know you're not, but he doesn't."_

_Daryl groaned and dropped his head down on the counter as Carol cleaned the table. Maggie was going to open and she could clean the floors and Beth could wipe down the windows. Carol wasn't that much of a pushover. They both bailed tonight, and they would both clean it thoroughly tomorrow. This was the last time Carol ever covered for them. She had to remember to tell Daddy they were at the library studying. She'd reminded herself several times, but whenever it came time to tell him, she would say something...else._

"_Move your head. I need to wipe up the crumbs." She set the bottle and rag on the counter, but he didn't move. "Daryl, please, move your head."_

_He sighed and straightened up. "What if we got married?"_

"_What?" She squirted the counter top and began to wipe it down._

"_Say we got married, would he still hate me?"_

"_He doesn't hate you." Carol lifted her eyes to his. "Do you want to know the real reason why Daddy doesn't like you?"_

"_He's got fake reasons?"_

_She bit her lip then sighed. "He knows."_

"_Knows...what?" _

"_That I hid his Bible." She rolled her eyes, and he looked annoyed. "Daryl, what else would piss him off? He found out last week."_

"_That's why he hates me?" Daryl exclaimed. "How in the hell is that fair?"_

"_It's not just that, but it's a main part of it." She returned the cleaning supplies and headed to the office for her bag. "You know how he is. He doesn't want us to ruin our lives with drinking." _

"_**One** drink," Daryl corrected. "And you spit it out!"_

"_When your sister is mad at you for breaking her curling iron, she overdoes the truth to get revenge." Carol opened her bag and pulled out her pants and hoodie. _

"_Beth?" he assumed._

"_Yeah." Carol removed her flats and set them on the desk. "Could you unzip me?" She moved her hair out of the way and he unzipped the back of her dress. "Turn around."_

"_Ain't like I haven't seen it before," he teased._

"_So cute. Turn around."_

_He turned his back to her and let her change. "Can I just talk to him?"_

"_What would you say?" She buttoned her jeans and set her dress in the bag after folding it._

"_The truth."_

"_That you took me to a party and let me drink?" She tugged her hoodie down over her camisole and grabbed the boots from behind the desk._

"_I didn't take you to a party—you took me."_

"_Andrea invited us, and it would've been rude to not go. It's not her fault Ryan and Shane brought beer and vodka." She set her flats inside and zipped the bag. "And it's the only party I've ever been invited to that wasn't a birthday party, but if it'll make Daddy like you, I'll tell him tonight."_

"_And ruin your goody-goody image?" he teased, facing her._

"_I'm not a goody-goody, for one thing." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "And for another, could you give me a ride home, please?"_

_He leaned down and kissed her. "'Course."_

_She laced her fingers through his, and they left through the back door, locking up on their way out. Daryl took her bag and tossed it into the back of his truck, opening her door for her, and she climbed in, calling her mom to let her know she was on her way home, and Daryl waited until she was done with her call to start his truck._

"_Hello?" It was Shawn._

"_Hey, is Mom home?"_

"_Yeah. She's makin' dinner."_

"_Can I talk to her?"_

"_I don't know. Can you?"_

"_Shawn."_

"_Fine. Mom, it's Carol!" _

_Carol waited, and her mom took the phone. "Carol?"_

"_Hey."_

"_Is everything all right?"_

"_Yeah, everything's all right. I just wanted to let you know I have ride home, and I'll home soon."_

"_Who's bringing you?"_

"_Daryl." Annette sighed. "Mom, it's just a ride home."_

"_It's not that, honey. Your father's already annoyed with Maggie."_

"_What happened?"_

"_I'll tell you when you get home. Please, tell him to drop you off at the end of the drive."_

"_Mo—"_

"_Don't fight with me on this, Carol."_

"_Okay. I'll see you soon. I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

"_Bye." Carol hung up and slid her phone into the pocket of her hoodie. "You'll have to drop me off by the mailbox. Dad's mad at Mag."_

_He nodded._

_The drive to Carol's house was very long due to the lack of talking and music. Carol wasn't in the mood to talk now. She was mad at her parents for always disliking Daryl when he did nothing wrong. She was so tired of them putting him in the same slot as Merle. He was nothing like his brother or his father. Carol didn't even want to know Daryl's father's name. They'd never met, but Carol hated him. She didn't know why, but she knew he was a strict son of a bitch. And the way Daryl looked when he got off the bus back in middle school used to break her heart. He was always glad when the bus took the long way home. Carol always wanted to go and knock on the front door and punch him, but she small and couldn't punch. Although Shawn had a baseball bat that he never used, and they had barbwire to spare._

_She was so mad at Annette and Hershel and Mr. Dixon. She didn't want to go home, but her dad would only worry and wait up for her. She didn't want to make him worry, because Mom worried then too. They were getting older, and so was Carol. She couldn't act like a child anymore. She was going to be eighteen on the twenty-fifth, and she needed to start acting like it._

_Daryl stopped by the mailbox like Carol asked, Carol looked up when the truck stopped and glanced over at him. He was looking out his window, waiting for her to get out of the truck, and Carol didn't want to leave it like this. Daryl wasn't angry, he was just pulling away, and she hated that. She would much rather he be mad than distant. Mad, she could fix. Distant...she just had to endure._

_She removed her seat belt, leaned over until she could see his eyes and kissed him. "Good night. I'll see you tomorrow."_

_He nodded. "Night."_

_She retrieved her bag from the back and headed down the drive. She saw the house in the distance, and she wondered if Mom was waiting for her. She picked up the pace, thinking the others were probably sitting at the table, drooling, and she didn't want to stand between Shawn and his meat. She'd never seen someone devour as much meat, not even Daryl when he's starving. Shawn was so skinny, but he ate like a horse. If only she was so lucky._

_Maggie was waiting on the porch for her, smiling a little. "Hey."_

"_What?" Carol searched her face._

"_Nothin'. Dinner's ready. Beth's not joinin' us tonight." Maggie held the door open._

"_Why not?" Carol followed her inside._

"_That isn't your business," Hershel told Carol. "Go wash up."_

_Carol took her bag upstairs and set it beside her bed then washed up, leaving her boots by her bedroom door as she left. She joined her mom, siblings and dad at the table. They said grace as usual, Hershel asked them about their day, and Shawn talked more then Maggie and Carol combined. Beth and Shawn were the talkers, Maggie fell in second and Carol last. She got it from their mother._

"_Was there any trouble with the shop?" Hershel asked his oldest daughter._

_Carol swallowed a bite of mashed potatoes. "No, just a few loud kids, but nothing I couldn't handle."_

"_Good." He slice his ham. "You don't have to cover for Maggie again."_

"_She had an exam," Carol insisted._

"_It's okay," Maggie reassured her. "He knows, and I won't do it again. I'll work all week, and I'm cleaning this weekend."_

_Carol focused hard on her food now. She wondered how he found out about Maggie's plans. Carol didn't fully know them, but she knew they would get her in trouble. Dad was getting better and better at finding our their plan. Carol needed to make sure he didn't find out about her plans for Daryl's graduation gift. Graduation was coming sooner than she liked, and she really wanted it to be special, especially since it was probably one of the last times they'd spend together. After high school, who knows what's going to happen them? It was more depressing than happy._

_Carol and Maggie washed the dishes and towel dried them. Carol saw their father lingering, so she went to her room and let Maggie and him talk. She undressed and grabbed her nightshirt. She pulled her hair into a loose ponytail and grabbed the file off her dresser. She hadn't gotten around to telling Daryl she was planning on going to an out-of-state college. Her ACT score was high, and she could go just about anywhere. She would love for Daryl to come, but he didn't want to go to college. He was done with school the first day he entered the elementary school. If it weren't her, Daryl would've dropped out a long time ago._

_She opened the first application that was to a nearby college. She wanted to make sure she had a lot of options just in case her first choice failed. She began to chew on the cap as she looked it over. She really didn't want to fill out another application. Every freaking day she filled one out, it seemed. She needed to stop and take a break. She only had a month left in high school, and she really needed to enjoy it. Prom was coming up, but she probably wouldn't go. Prom was more of Beth's thing. Carol's the bookworm, always has been. _

_She sighed and dropped the pen on the application in front of her, looking out as lightening filled the night sky. She noticed something off in the distance and grabbed the binoculars off her nightstand. She peered through them and saw movement in the dark. She set the binoculars down and opened her window. If Daryl had followed her home, she was going to kill him. Daddy was already agitated by Beth and Maggie. If he caught Daryl up here, he would explode._

_Sure enough, that mess of brown hair appeared on the roof. She swore he could climb up a flat wall. He would find a way. How he manages to get the second floor without being seen or heard was beyond her. He was going to get chewed out for this. Daddy will never like him now._

"_Daryl Dixon," she hissed softly. "What the hell are you doing?"_

"_Shhh." He moved out of sight as her door opened, and she turned._

"_Daddy." She smiled nervously, closing her window. _

"_It's late, Carol. Go to bed."_

_She nodded. "I was working on a college application."_

"_Five more minutes then, and close your window. It's going to rain. Good night."_

"_I will. Night," she called as he closed the door. She turned back to the window and opened it, Daryl climbed in just as the rain began, and she shut and locked her window. "Explain yourself." She crossed her arms._

"_Ran outta gas," was his explanation._

"_Oh."_

"_Figure I'll catch the ride with Shawn to get gas in the mornin'."_

"_There's gasoline in the shed," Carol reminded him, moving the folder to let him sit on her bed._

"_It's locked, remember?"_

"_Right." She crossed her legs when she sat down. "Won't Merle worry?"_

"_Do you know Merle?"_

_She smirked. "What about your dad?"_

"_Nobody's gonna miss me tonight." He lied across the bed. "Want company?"_

"_I would love company," she leaned over and kissed him, "just as long as you're out of here before sunrise." _

"_Deal." He kicked his boots off. "Nice jammies."_

"_What?" She looked down and blushed, realizing she only wore a t-shirt that just barely covered her upper thighs. "Shut up." _

"_School's almost over." He propped himself up on his elbows. _

"_Yep." She took a pillow and held it to her chest._

"_Got any plans?"_

"_College." She glanced at the file. "I haven't decided where I want to go just yet, but I think I want to be a teacher. I love kids, and I'm good with them. Or a chief. I'm a pretty good cook."_

"_A teacher?" he snorted._

"_What?"_

"_They're gonna walk all over you. You're a pushover."_

"_They will not! I'm not!" She kept her voice low. "What about you, huh? You aren't even going to college. What are **you** gonna do?"_

"_I'm gonna be a mechanic."_

"_Why?"_

"_'Cause I know cars, and I already work with T." He shrugged. _

"_Well, good. I'm glad you have something to look forward to." She picked up the file and moved it._

"_Look forward to? You make it sound fun."_

"_It could be."_

"_Well, there was the cheerleader's car wash," he teased. _

"_You pervert!" She smacked him with the pillow, he laughed and grabbed the pillow, wrestling it away from her. She fought back, and they ended up falling on the floor. For some reason, it was hilarious, and they just started laughing, and Carol buried her face in his chest to try and muffle the sound. _

"_Shh, your parents are gonna hear us." _

_She sat up on her knees, and he did. She reached down and brushed hair from his eyes. "I love you, Daryl."_

_His lips pulled up in a slight smile. "Ditto."_

_She kissed him._


	2. Hope Now

**_I was asked to give a shoutout to a newbie, and true to my word, I am. So, check out __On The Edge Of Life __by badrose81._**

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

Carol woke with a jolt, feeling empty arms, and she shot up and out of bed. She looked around the hotel room, the duffel bag was on the table, the place were Axel was sleeping was empty, and Sophia was nowhere to be seen. She pushed the covers back, trying not to panic, and she opened the bathroom door, but it was empty too. She felt panic coursing through her body, drowning her.

"Sophia!" She threw open the door. "Sophia!" She ran outside, the hot ground stung her feet. She scanned the parking lot, not seeing a single familiar car or sign Sophia had been there. The world seemed to blue, and her breathing escalated as she racked her hands through her hair. "Sophia!"

No, no! That bastard took her! He hired him to take her daughter! She knew he was too nice. She knew he was going to screw them over. Why did she fall for it? She should've been prepared. She should've hit him with that chair and bashed his head open. God, he was too damn nice. No one was that nice, not to her. She was stupid, and she lost her daughter. How could she let this happen? She was so careful. Why did she ever let her guard down?

"Sophia!"

"Mommy!"

She whirled around and saw Sophia's sweet face running over to her. Carol swept her up and held her close. "Are you okay?" She looked her over. "Did he hurt you?"

"Hurt her?" Axel rounded the corner. "I would never hurt her."

"Where the hell did you take her?" she demanded.

"To the store. You were sleeping, so we grabbed some breakfast and new clothes."

"Do you like my jacket, Mommy?" Sophia asked.

"What?" Sophia wore new jeans with a new jean jacket and a blue rainbow shirt. She had lopsided pigtails. "New clothes?" She was confused. Why was he doing this?

"Well, I noticed her pants were ripped, and I figured she'd like new one. We bought some for you too. New jeans too."

They went back into the hotel room, Sophia opened her cookies 'n cream and used a pack of cinnamon Teddy Grahams to scoop it out, Axel handed Carol the new clothes, and he had just sat down to eat his own container of mint chocolate chip when Carol dragged him into the bathroom, pulling the gun from her waistband and threatening him.

"Holy shit!" He jumped back.

"You don't go anywhere with **my** daughter," she hissed. "Not without me ever!"

"Christ, I'm sorry! She was awake, and you weren't. I didn't want her to wake you, and I was hungry!"

"I'm not mad." She lowered the gun. "I'm pissed! You could've put us at risk! Do you have any idea who's after us? It's not Mr. Rogers, Axel."

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know. I was just bein' nice!"

"And I am very, very grateful, but the person after us will stop at nothing to get his hands on her, and she is my everything. Don't ever do that again."

He nodded. "Can you put the gun away?"

She set it on the counter. "Don't worry. Safety's on."

"Well, that doesn't change the fact I need to change my underwear."

She smiled. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"Yeah, me too." He exited the bathroom then paused. "We're going to watch cartoons. Is that okay?"

She almost laughed. "Depends on what."

"Something called...Adventure Time."

"Yeah, she loves that show."

He stepped out, and Carol looked into the bag. She saw a lot more than jeans. She emptied the bag, finding hair dye, and a paint blobbed knapsack with a set of contact lenses, a can of pepper spray, a set of car keys and a two one-way train tickets. She saw a note in the very bottom, and she felt tears in her eyes at who send Axel to her.

_Thought you might need this and a friend. Granted, he's my friend, but I can't afford to disappear right now. He'll know I know. Be strong and don't let that angel out of your sight._

_-K_

Carol held the note close to her heart and calmed herself. She was so emotional lately. She needed to settle down. She looked at the note once more and smiled. "Thank you, Karen." That explained everything. That woman was the best thing that happened to her since she left home five years ago.

And with that said, Carol put her past self behind her and changed into someone even **he** wouldn't recognize. Her medium length red hair was transformed into a chestnut brown, and her green-blue eyes were now a muddy brown. She was stunned by the woman in the mirror. She was so skinny, her cheeks were sunk in, her skin was washed out, and her clothes were too big, so she looked like an druggy. She'd lost so much weight, and it was sickening. She had no form. Sadly, this weight lose wasn't due their running, not most of it anyway.

She threw the used supplies into the trashcan behind the motel, and she moved her things—second pair of shoes, old clothes, Sophia's clothes and bear—into the knapsack and all the while Sophia kept asking why she changed her everything. She gave Axel a knowing smile, and he nodded back.

"Did you save me any?" Carol asked, moving Sophia onto her lap as she took her seat.

"I saved you a few bears, but you were in the shower, so I ate all the ice cream."

Carol kissed her cheek. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"So, what's the plan?" Axel asked her.

"I don't know." She tucked loose hair behind Sophia's ear. "Keep her safe and well-taken care of. I think know who can do that, but I'm going to need you."

"You name it, I'll do it—just not murder."

"Nothing like that," Carol smiled.

"But you have somethin' in mind?"

"Yes, I do." She lifted Sophia up and set her back in her seat. "Don't eat all of these, okay?"

"I'll get a tummy ache, I know. I know." She continued coloring the panda in her coloring book.

"C'mere." Carol pulled him to the door out of Sophia's line of sight. "Show me how you do it."

"Do what?"

"My jeans still had that anti-theft thing. How do you do it?"

"You wanna know?"

"It could be useful."

"All right. I'm a pro at this, so don't be disappointed when you can't best me."

"Try me."

Over the course of two days, Axel taught Carol everything knew about professional stealing, and she was getting really good at stealing from him. She hadn't done stolen form a store yet, but she was getting there. She felt horrible about stealing, but she had to be able to keep Sophia fed, no matter how low she had to stoop. She wouldn't let her daughter suffer, and some of the people around here could afford her thieving. She would find a way to make it up to them later—if they made it out of this.

Carol was quite fond of Axel. He was really polite, very respecting of her space, and he seemed to genuinely care if Sophia was all right. She still woke at every movement he made in the night, but she trusted him.

Today was the day Axel tested Carol's skills. They needed to move motels again, and they needed supplies. They only had enough food for breakfast, so it was Carol's turn to get the food. They had a plan, and they hoped it worked.

"I'm nervous." Carol wiped her hands on her jeans.

"It's now or go hungry," Axel replied.

"I can do this." She removed her seat belt and got out of the truck car. She unbuckled Sophia and helped her out, taking her hand. "If all else fails, I can claim I'm a desperate mother."

"It ain't untrue."

She took a deep breathe, and they went inside. Axel went to get the drinks they were actually going to pay for while Carol and Sophia wondered the aisles. Carol could feel her palms sweating, but they were in some cheap little gas station with really old cameras. She had to do this, and she learned from the best. She just had to keep calm and make sure Sophia did her part. She felt horrible about that part, making her daughter a decoy. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Carol kept to the canned goods, taking more cans than anything. She didn't want the wrappers to crinkle in her pockets when she walked. She did take a few packs of ramen noodles, slipping them into the knapsack that Sophia was wearing. She even took a few packs of crackers. She didn't overdo it. It was her first time, and she really didn't want to get caught.

She'd only stolen one thing in her entire life, and she felt so bad about it. She went back and told them, paying them twice the amount and swearing to never, ever go in the store again. Her parents didn't find out. The guy was really nice about it, especially since she was eight and it was just a bracelet that her dad wouldn't buy for her. She didn't think she would be doing it again. It was for survival this time, so did that make it better?

When Carol was done, her jacket felt like it was filled with bricks. She saw Axel talking to the cashier, prepaying for gas, and Carol waited until he left before she told Sophia what to do. Sophia nodded, and Carol gave her reassuring smile before walking to the other end of the aisle.

Sophia walked over to a cardboard stand and picked up a peanut butter cup, looking it over, getting the cashier's attention. Sophia slipped the candy bar into her pocket, very obvious about it, and she turned and started to leave.

"Oh, whoa, whoa." He came out from behind the counter, and Sophia kept walking, and he grabbed her shoulder gently. "Hey, hey, little missy." He turned his back on Carol, bending down to look at her, and Carol handed her jacket to Axel, leaving her in a jean jacket. "I think you forgot something."

Sophia gazed at him.

"See, honey, you have to pay for that." He pointed to her pocket.

"But I don't have any money," Sophia whispered.

"That is a dilemma."

"Am I in trouble?" Sophia asked, tears in her eyes. "I want my mommy."

"Sweetheart, don't cry. It'll be okay."

"Sophia?" Carol stepped out of the aisle. "Sophia, baby, what happened?" She dropped to her knees in front of her, taking her hands.

"She forgot to pay for something."

"Oh? I'm so sorry." Carol looked at Sophia. "I told you to wait, didn't I?"

Sophia nodded. "I'm sorry." She turned to the man. "I'm really sorry, sir."

Carol kissed her forehead and pulled out money to pay for it. "Is this enough?" Carol held it out.

"Yeah." He stood up and took it.

Carol picked her up. "I'm sorry for all this." She left, drying Sophia's eyes. "Shh, it's okay." She knew Sophia was upset about the whole thing. The first time Sophia actually stole—she'd been putting on plastic necklaces with one of her friends and forgot she had one one still when they left—Ed...went insane. He yelled at her and at Carol. It was horrible, and Sophia was scared to do anything. She didn't go into a store for two months, because she was scared he'd assume the worst.

"What happened?" Axel pushed off the truck.

"She's upset." Carol rubbed her back. "She'll be okay."

Axel set a hand on her head. "Cheer up, it's Thursday, and it's almost seven."

Sophia smiled a little, sniffling.

They got in the car, Sophia held Dee Dee close, and they checked into another motel for the night. Axel and Carol emptied the coat filled with pilfered goods onto the bed, and he was impressed by all Carol managed to get. She felt a little pride at that, but she made a promise to never do it unless it was absolutely necessary. Carol looked over at Sophia, who sat in front of the TV cuddling Dee Dee to her chest and the peanut butter cup she'd taken was on the table, untouched.

Axel put the food in the duffel bag, putting the water bottles in the mini fridge, and Carol picked up the candy and plopped down beside her.

"Are you gonna eat this?" Carol held it out.

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"I'm not hungry." She buried her face in the bear's head.

"Not hungry? Hmm, well, I guess I'll eat it." She began to unwrap it. "Smells good." She knew Sophia loved peanut butter and chocolate. It wouldn't take long. "It's fresh too." Carol ate a small bite, Sophia peeked at her, and just when Carol was about to eat it whole, Sophia stopped her. "I knew it." She smiled, tickling Sophia, and Sophia giggled and squirmed away.

"C'mere." Carol pulled her into her lap, Sophia took a bite of the candy, and Carol smoothed her hair down, looking in her eyes. "What we did at the store, we don't do that unless we have to, okay?"

"I know."

"Okay. You're show's back on."

Sophia turned in Carol's lap to watch the show, Carol wrapped her arms around Sophia's stomach, and Axel checked out the window before sitting on his bed. Carol knew he had money, but only enough for motel rooms. She needed to get them to the train station. If she could get Sophia home, she could try and throw Ed's scent off. She didn't want to leave Sophia, but if Ed caught up to them, it would be worse than being separated from Sophia. She might not make it back to her.

After the show was over, Sophia flipped through her coloring book for a blank page, Carol sat on their bed and tried to come up with a way to persuade Axel to take Sophia home, and she heard Sophia sigh.

"What is it?"

"I'm outta stuff to color." She closed the book. "Do you have paper?"

"No." She rose off the bed. "I'll get you a new coloring book tomorrow, yeah?"

"Tomorrow." Sophia sat back in the chair. "Where are we going, Mommy?"

"Somewhere safe."

"Where? I'm sick of motels and hotels and gas station food. I miss my bed and Ramsey."

Carol frowned. "I know, baby, but we can't go back there. This is _our_ adventure."

"Does it have an end?"

"Hopefully."

The door opened and Axel walked in. Sophia muttered a hi, and Carol offered a smile. He smiled back, locking the door behind him, and he reached into the bag he had with him, pulling out a thick coloring book and new crayons, markers and colored pencils.

"Oh, my gosh!" Sophia was grinning. "Are those for me?"

"Yeah." He set it on the table.

"Thank you so much!" She hugged him then flipped through it.

_Thank you_, Carol mouthed.

"Figured she'd run out. She ain't got nothin' else to do."

She touched his arm and led him over to the beds, sitting him down. "Axel—"

"Got this for you." He pulled out a compass. "So you'll find your way."

She reached out and took the vintage pocket compass. It was beautiful, and she felt it was important to him. She wasn't sure she could take this, and she was scared that this gift and Sophia's meant they were going to part ways. She wasn't ready for that. She had a plan, and she had to follow it. He had to protect Sophia long enough for her family to take her in. She couldn't do this without him.

"Why are you giving me this?"

"Why not?"

"Axel...are you leaving us?" Her voice was soft, scared almost.

"No, but it's time for you to get on that train."

"Axel, I need you. I have an idea, and I need your help to see it through." She leaned closer. "I need you to get her on that train. I'll write directions out, and there are people there who will take her in."

"And if they don't?"

"They will. Please, you're the only person I trust with her."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"'Cause she's _your_ little girl. You need to be with her, not me."

She sighed and tossed the compass at him. "I need some air, please watch her." She needed a drink or a cigarette—something to ease the stress. She didn't have a plan B, and if Axel had his mind made up, she was going home.

––

"_The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go around and round all through the town._" Axel was playing along and pretending to learn the song from Sophia, and Carol couldn't help smiling.

"I think I'm gettin' a hang of this." Axel took a drink of water.

"Now we can practice with our arms," Sophia cheerfully replied.

"There's more? Man, this might be rough." He closed his bottle. "Lemme teach you somethin'."

"Okay!"

"Hold our your hands like this." He lifted his hands, and Sophia did the same. "Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can; pat it, roll it and mark it with a "B"." Sophia aped him well, although she was one minute behind in the words, but she got all of them right. "Put it in the oven for baby and me."

"You have to have kids," Carol commented.

"Nieces." He continued to play the game with her. "Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can."

"Roll it up, roll it up," Sophia said, doing the same hand motions as him. "And throw it in a pan. Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man."

Carol smiled and clapped when they finished, Sophia felt accomplished, and Carol realized just how much made her smile. She hadn't seen her smile this much since last year. "That was so good." Carol kissed her forehead. "But it's late, and we gotta go."

"I'll get my coat. C'mon, Dee Dee." Sophia grabbed her coat from the chair.

"It's been three days," Carol told him. "We should really leave now."

"Yeah, _you_ should." He handed her her knapsack. "But I ain't coming."

"But we discussed this," Carol protested.

"That little girl needs you, not me. I'm not changing my mind."

"She loves you! You know how four-year-olds are. She adores you, and I trust you. Karen trusts you, so please, Axel don't waffle on me."

"I never—"

A loud banging interrupted Axel, Carol jumped, and Sophia yelped. It was six in the evening, and there was a_ Do Not Disturb_ sign on the doorknob. Whoever was knocking was really trying to break the door down, because it was shaking, and that made Carol's heart stop. She knew it was **him**. She knew they'd stayed too long. Damn it!

"Go," Axel said softly. "The bathroom window. Go!"

Carol grabbed Sophia, the knapsack and her bear, rushing into the bathroom. She pried the window open while Axel called to the man banging on the door, and Sophia was shaking.

"Who's banging on the door?" Sophia whimpered.

"I don't know, baby." She got the window open and climbed through since Sophia was latched onto her. She ran as fast as she could away from the hotel room, hearing a gunshot, and she kept running. Sophia was gripping her tightly, and Carol needed to soothe her. She also needed a plan. She had one. Axel was her plan, and he was probably dead because of her.

She ran out to the street, moving through the crowd of people and she saw a miracle: a bus. She hurried up the stairs, a woman boarded behind her, and the doors shut behind that woman. Carol found a seat in the back, keeping Sophia close, and her eyes went from face to face in the people below. She saw him clear as day, looking for her, and she ducked her head when the bus passed by him.

Carol pulled Sophia back and looked at her. "You okay?"

She had tears in her eyes. "I—I am." Her voice was so soft, and it broke Carol's heart. "Where's Axel?"

"He's...gone, but I'm sure he'll be okay. We'll see him again."

"Where are we going?"

"Home, baby." Carol pulled her into her arms. "We're going home."

– – –

_She drank the orange juice on the way to her room then took a long shower and got dressed. She couldn't find her shoes anywhere, though. "Hey, Shawn?" She padded down the stairs. "Shawn?"_

"_Look who's finally legal." He held a basket of peaches. "Happy birthday, kid."_

"_Thanks. Have you seen any of my shoes?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Where?"_

"_I can't tell you. Beth had something to do with it, though." He shrugged. "You can't help Dad without boots, you know that. Besides, I reckon you and Daryl have some talkin' to do."_

"_Yeah, we do." She folded her arms over her chest. "I'll see you later." _

_Shawn and Carol went different ways, and Carol went to look for her shoes. She would talk to Daryl later. Right now, she needed two shoes, and she didn't care if they matched. She looked all through Beth's and Maggie's room, but came up empty-handed. She wouldn't go into Shawn's room if you paid her, and she knew they wouldn't be in her parents' room. Beth wouldn't hide them in there. But if Beth was the one who took her shoes, she would just have to take Beth's shoes._

_She stole a pair and padded down the stairs to deal with one of her problems that wasn't going to end or start with a fight. She needed to hand in the scholarship papers anyway, so what better time than the now. And she also needed to get her homework. She wasn't going to fall behind. Her math teacher could be a bitch. That was believable enough. Her parents won't suspect a thing. God willing._

"_Shawn, I need a favor."_

"_No. Go help Patricia and Mom cook or whatever they're doin'."_

"_I have to speak to Mr. Perri in the guidance office, so tell Mom and Dad that's where I am." _

_Shawn snickered as she fit her feet into shoes that weren't hers. "Ain't those Beth's?"_

"_Well, yours are being used to take care of our rat problem," she shot back._

"_You know what? I'll take care of that for you." He came at her. "The duck pond is just calling you."_

"_Shawn, no!" Carol threw a shoe at him and took off running. "Stop!"_

_They ran out into the field, Patricia laughed, Hershel shook his head, and Annette heard Carol squeal from the chicken coop. She poked her head out, "Shawn? Carol?" _

"_We're too old for this!" Carol tried to find a way around without going through the crops, because running through would make Daddy angry, so she had to just outrun him. It was easier said than done. Shawn was spry, and he was on the track team. He took their team through four years of winning with his long legs. Carol had their mother's legs and height. She was going swimming._

"_So? You're still twelve to me!" _

"_Yeah, well, you're a jerk to me!" _

_He caught up to her, grabbing her by the waist and carried her into the duck pond, Carol yelped and tried to get free, but he was strong, and he dumped her into the cold water. He howled a laugh when she came up for air, and she glared._

_Annette and Hershel found them in the duck pond as always on Carol's birthday—it was a tradition since Carol could walk—and they were fighting. Carol slid and dragged Shawn down with her. When they came up, they were almost completely covered in mud. They were coughing out dirty water and then, at the sight of each other, busted out laughing so loud they scared the ducks._

"_What the heck is goin' on?" Hershel asked them._

"_Shawn forgot to take maturity to heart again." Carol removed the other shoe and dumped the water out of it, and Shawn busted out laughing._

"_How old are you?" Annette scolded Shawn, teasing._

"_Just because I'm an adult don't mean I can't have fun." He climbed out and helped Carol out. _

"_You're a jerk." Carol pushed him back into the pond and bolted when he surfaced._

"_Don't go in the house!" Annette called after them. "Wash off by the barn!"_

_Hershel chuckled when Shawn grabbed the hose and went after Carol, calling "Lemme give you a hand!", and Annette wondered when they would actually grow up. If Maggie were here, she'd probably start slinging mud at them, and Beth would yelp and duck for cover. Lord, her children would always be handfuls. But she was glad to see Carol smiling and laughing. Shawn always had a way of doing that. They should've been twins, they were so close._

– – –

Carol and Sophia boarded the train, Sophia was sporting the new hat Carol had "acquired" at a gas station, and Carol felt a little nervous. She hadn't seen her family in such a long time. She wasn't sure how they would react. They'd be pissed for sure, and Carol hoped they let her explain it all. She didn't mean to do what she did, but she had to for his sake and for her's. She couldn't let Daryl suffer, because of a mistake she made. She just couldn't, no matter how much she loved him.

––

_Once she'd gotten to Daryl's, she decided to change out of her nightclothes. She changed in her car, not wanting him to see drool stain. She managed to tug the top down under her nightshirt, wiggling one top down and one up. She ran her fingers through her hair and knocked on his window—he didn't like her to knock on the front door for some reason._

_His head popped up after five minutes, and she smiled a good morning. He held up a hand, and she went back to her car and waited, sipping her cappuccino. She wanted to eat, but she didn't want to be stuffing her face when he came over. She was the one driving after all, and she was a slow eater. Daryl was too impatient for that._

_About ten minutes later, he jumped out of his window in worn jeans and a sleeveless shirt. He got into the passenger seat, and she drove to their sport. It was out of city, but it had a great view and was worth it. She also wanted to talk, and this was the perfect place to talk._

_They sat on a bit rock just above the view of the quarry, Daryl munched on a chocolate muffin, and she enjoyed the view, feeling very peaceful and calm and tired. Very, very tired. It was so silent here. It'd be a great place to study for her final exams._

_They sat in silence after eating, Daryl was lying on his side now,, his shoes beside him, and Carol was about to fall asleep, only her nerves kept her awake. She had to just tell him, just like ripping off a band-aid: fast and painless, if you're lying to yourself._

"_We need to talk." She crossed her legs and tossed rock down to the water below, and he met her eyes. "I got the acceptance letter."_

"_That's good news." _

"_It really is." She smiled a little. "It made Beth cry."_

"_No shit." He laughed. _

"_Yeah. She does love me. I was stunned, but I get the feeling she'll do something to erase that moment tonight." She shook her head. "Since I am going to college and it's out-of-state, I—"_

"_Dare you to jump," he interrupted her, standing up._

"_Jump?" She frowned then followed his goading gaze. "J—Down there?! From here?!"_

"_Yeah." He began to unbuckle his belt._

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa! Daryl, stop!" She was on her feet now and panicking, because his zipper was now undone. "This is insane."_

"_It ain't that high."_

"_But we were talking."_

"_Well, now we're swimmin'." He tossed his jeans onto the hood of his car and jumped._

_She covered her eyes with her hands until she heard the splash. She peered over slowly, praying to not see bloody chucks, and he was perfectly fine. She exhaled, relieved, but he was waiting for her. She didn't know the way around, so she had to...jump in after him. If she wanted to talk, she had to jump._

"_Why did I bother to change?" she muttered, removing her shoes and tugging off her socks. She shimmed out of her jeans and put her things and Daryl's in her car, debating about wearing her shirt. She and Daryl had made out a number of times, and he'd seen her in a bathing suit a lot, but they'd never actually... And just her bra and panties felt strange, but it wasn't her shirt, and Maggie liked this shirt. So, she tossed it in with the others and took a deep breath._

_Counting to three gave her too much time to think, so she took a running start and jumped. It was really invigorating and not as long of a fall as she thought. It was colder than she thought._

"_Shit! It's cold!" She pushed hair out of her face._

"_Impressive. I didn't think you'd do it."_

"_Thanks, I guess." She shuddered and hoped her body adjusted soon. "Look, Daryl, we still need to talk."_

"_When was the last time you didn't plan somethin'?" Daryl asked._

"_What do you mean?" She met his eyes._

"_You always seem to got a schedule."_

"_Yeah, so?"_

"_Screw the damn schedule and the talk. We don't gotta talk."_

_She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm glad you said that, because I really don't want to talk."_

_He leaned in like he was going to kiss her, but he dunked her instead. She was used to it from Shawn, so she got him back, and it felt like they were kids again. Daryl wasn't the most open of kids in her class, but she wanted to get to know everyone in her class. By the end of the year, she'd only learned his name, he liked to hunt and he wore sleeveless plaid shirts **a lot**. She had always seem to be chasing after him, but it was worth it. They become good friends after two years, and somehow they just started dating. No one expected it, but her friends were supportive and the kids at school who try and trash them are just assholes. They'd followed them to high school, so it was nice to go back to when it was easy. _

"_Gotcha." He pinned her again a rock. "You're bad at this."_

"_Am I? I could be luring you to your death. I'm very crafty."_

_He smirked. "Likely."_

_She grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him, trying to distract him enough to get free, but her hormones had another plan. His lips were wet from the water, but they were soft, and she pulled him closer, slipping her fingers into his slick hair._

_They broke apart long enough to get out of the water, the ground became muddy underneath Carol as Daryl lowered her onto her back slowly. Her gray-blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, her cheeks were pink from the sun, and she was breathing heavily. Her hair was wavy, and he grasped a handful in both hands when he kissed her. He could smell the lotion she used, and he slid his hand down her bare leg, bringing it up to his hip._

_Carol felt her heart racing in the pit of her stomach, because not only was Daryl not stopping, he was the one initiating it. Her mouth moved with his, and she opened her mouth to his, tasting his breath and faintly chocolate. She kept her hands on his neck, though wanted to feel out his body, but even now, she wasn't sure that was okay. Daryl was never one for roaming hands, but she wasn't sure she could keep her hands there forever. She needed to feel his skin against her, though she was feeling quite a lot of one certain part of him._

_She slowly moved one of her hands down his shoulder, and she dug her nails into his skin when he began kissing her neck, and she moaned. She closed her eyes as his mouth went lower, and she whimpered softly when he slid the straps to her bra down. Physical desire was starting to overwhelm logic._

"_Daryl," it was breathy and sounded more like a moan than someone trying to take his attention off their body. She kept trying to focus on speaking, but they had never been this close, touched this much, and God, she wanted more. She wanted so much more, but there were problems. Her conscious was yelling that word at her—problems, problems, problems, **PROBLEMS**—and she pushed back on Daryl's shoulders. _

_He stopped instantly, and she caught her breathe. "What?" His voice almost nonexistent._

"_I—This is wrong," she managed. She saw the look in his eyes, he sat back, and she sat up, setting a hand on his forearm. "I want to," she said softly, "but we don't have anything, and I'm not on the pill."_

_He chewed his bottom lip and nodded. "Yeah, just...gimme a second."_

"_Right." She pushed her bra straps up, and she wiped the mud off her. She was dry now, but her hair was a mess. She didn't want to see what she looked like. She suspected it was mixture of white paint and wet lace. Man, she needed her clothes. "Do you know a way up?" She then blushed. "To the car! Back to the car!"_

_He smirked and hauled her up. "No."_

"_What?" She spun around as he walked away. "Daryl, be joking. I'm practically naked. If anyone sees me, I'm dead. Everyone knows my father, and he will kill me then you and probably pray before killing you again."_

"_I'm kiddin'." He was amused by her panic. "This way."_

_They climbed through rocks up a hill, and Carol was sure her left foot had a cut, because it hurt. She wished she'd jumped in her shoes. Daryl offered her piggyback ride, but she declined, because he was teasing. She knew he was. He was probably tired of her "ow". She always managed to step on a sharp-as-a-knife rocks._

_When they got back to the car, they lied down on the ground and let the sun dry them, and Carol was starting to fall asleep. Daryl noticed her roll away from him, draw in her legs and use her arm was a pillow. She insisted she was just "getting comfortable", but soon Daryl heard her even breathing. He got dressed, and he heard Carol's phone ring from inside the car._

_He dug it out, seeing the caller was Beth, and he glanced over at her before answering. "Yeah?"_

"_Uhhh...Daryl?"_

"_No, it's Harry Potter." He found an apple in Carol's purse and bit into it._

"_Ha ha. Is Carol around?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Can I talk to her? It's kinda important."_

"_No."_

"_What? Why not? She's right there."_

"_She's sleepin'."_

"_Sleepin'? It's nearly one. What did you do... Uh, never mind. I don't need details. Just have her call me back."_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_It's good you're still together."_

_Daryl leaned against the car. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_Just Carol's goin' to college in a few months. It's good that she's spendin' time with you, but don't you think breakin' up would be better? You'd have time to get over it, and maybe she'd find someone at college."_

_He hung up as Carol began to wake. "Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty."_

"_Mmm, it's morning?" she teased. "Well, I like waking up to you."_

_He looked down at his boots and took anther bite from the apple, Carol stretched and opened her eyes, groaning at the sunlight, and he began to kick at the small rocks. He didn't want to watch her dress. She was very self-conscious. No one knew, but him, Maggie, Lori and Andrea. She showed the world an intelligent, confident woman, but in reality, she just wasn't that woman. Not all of the time anyway. He didn't understand that. She was beautiful, inside and out, and nothing could change that. _

"_Sure, eat my apple and yes, you can go through my purse." She tugged her top down. "Wanna go through my phone too?"_

"_Already did."_

_She shook her head and smiled. "Did you see the pictures of my lover? I may have to kill you if you did?" She tied her shoes, and Daryl pursed his lips. "What?"_

"_Nothin'."_

_She frowned. "I was only teasing. And if I had a lover, the whole world would know. Beth can't keep her nose outta my stuff. Granted I do go through hers, but only to get back at her." She shrugged. "Not my point. My point is I'm a one-guy-at-a-time kind of gal."_

_He chewed silently on his bottom lip._

"_So, do you wanna head back?" She slipped her hands into her back pockets. "Or do you wanna—"_

"_I gotta work," he interrupted her. "Needa get home and shower."_

"_Oh, right. Let's go then. I don't want to be keep T-dog waiting." She smiled awkwardly then opened her car door, feeling him away behind her to get to the passenger seat. She sighed and sat down, taking the keys from her purse and tucking hair behind her ear. _

_He looked at her when she didn't start the car._

"_No, I'll keep T waiting." She met his eyes. "What happened? I was jokin'. You know that. Why are you mad?"_

"_It ain't what you said," he assured. "It's 'bout what Beth said."_

"_Beth? When did you talk to Beth?"_

"_She called few minutes ago."_

_She scoffed. "And you're taking it out on me? Beth's a jerk when it comes to you."_

_He slouched in the seat, squinting at the sunlight in his eyes. "I ain't workin' today," he admitted. "I needa do some things."_

"_What things?"_

"_It's personal."_

"_Okay, personal I get. Beth...I don't. What did she say?"_

"_Carol, it's nothin'. Forget about it. Jesus Christ." He averted his eyes to the window._

"_We're not going anything until you stop being a jackass." She stuffed her keys into her pocket and crossed her arms. "I've got all the time in the world."_

_They sat in pure silence, Daryl folded his arms over his chest, and they didn't look at each other. They were both stubborn as hell, and they wanted the other to submit. They kept the silence up for half an hour, listening to the bugs and the wind. They were both upset about different things, but it led back to the same thing. Carol just wanted him to talk more, and Daryl didn't want to talk at all. He didn't want to tell her what was going on, because he knew she could freak the hell out, and he wasn't going to put her at risk. He kept thinking she'd forgot about it one of these days or let it go. Apparently, he was wrong. So very, very wrong._

_An hour in, they were both dying of thirst and sweating, but they didn't crack. Carol could feel her lips drying out, and it was disturbing. She didn't have any saliva on her tongue to wet them, and her lip balm was at home. She wasn't giving up. She'd been waiting a long time for him to open up and tell her what the hell was going on._

_Her cell was ringing loudly from Daryl's pocket, but he didn't give it to her, and Carol knew it was Beth by the ring tone. She kept calling, so it was either important or they were really worried. She didn't want her parents to freak out and think she was dead, so she reached over and grabbed the phone. Daryl didn't fight her, and she cleared her throat, trying to make sure her voice wasn't dry._

"_Hello?" Her voice was almost a croak._

"_What the hell happened to you?" Maggie exclaimed. "You sound like death."_

"_It's nothing. What did you want?"_

"_We're goin' shoppin', and we need you...home."_

"_Shopping?" Carol frowned. "And you want me home? Why?"_

"_Just 'cause Mom wants you home."_

_She sighed. "All right. Fine. I'm going."_

"_I'll see you soon."_

"_Yeah, bye." She hung up and tossed her phone into her purse. "Put your seat belt on."_

_He glanced at her, but he put his seat belt on. She was annoyed with her parents and his silence, so she just drove him home. She didn't even bother saying goodbye when she dropped him off. She just pulled out and headed home. She wanted a cup of tea and box of cookies and music. She hated the world right now._

_She prepared the tea, grabbed a box of something chocolate and went upstairs. She found her window open, and she set the cup down and closed it. It was going to rain soon. She could tell by the sky. She hoped it did. She slept easy to the sound of the rain._

"_No apple juice?"_

_She groaned, and she heard laughter. "Why does God hate me today?" She faced her older brother. "Why are you in here?"_

"_Just came to check in on you." He plopped onto her bed and helped himself to the cookies. "Daryl problems?"_

"_No. Well, yes." She crossed her arms. "When did you decide it was time to break up with Janine?"_

"_When she was moving to New York." _

"_Did you love her? I mean, really love her? With, like, everything inside you?"_

"_No. We just looked good til prom was over."_

"_Should I stay?" Her eyes were filling. "The thought of leaving him with his father and brother makes me physically ill, and the thought of not seeing every day...it's worse than when I broke my arm."_

"_It's puppy love," Shawn reasoned._

"_Not this." She shook her head. "It's real, and I'm not being some stupid, hormonal teenager who wants to give him everything. I'm Carol, and he's Daryl, and we were best friends then in a relationship, but now..." She sighed as a tear rolled down her cheek. "He is hiding something from me. It has to do with Merle and his father, but I don't know what. Drugs? Are they trying to get him into drugs? Drinking? I—I don't freaking know, but he won't tell me. That says he doesn't trust me, and if he doesn't trust me, how can we—"_

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said softly, taking her in his arms for a comforting hug. "Calm the hell down, Carol." She cried into his chest. "Don't be so dramatic. I'm sure it's nothin' so simple."_

"_God, I feel lousy." She pulled away from him. "The next time I see him, I swear to God, I am going to demand answers, even if it kills me." She loved him too much to let his father and brother ruin this future._


	3. The Dog Days Are Over

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

––

Daryl woke up in the dark, the empty bottle of whiskey beside him, and he sighed. He picked the bottle up and padded down the stairs. He saw a box of pizza on the counter with a note from Maggie on it. He glanced over it and opened the box, chuckling at the note she'd had written on the pizza.

_Stop drinking or I'll kick your ass_ was written our in red and green bell peppers. He enjoyed eating it, though it had a bitter aftertaste.

He knew she was right, and he couldn't let the mere memory of Carol do this to him. He needed to clean his act up. He wasn't Merle or his father. He could never be. He needed to get control of his life, and that meant all of this shit had to stop. He was a better man than his brother, and his path would never go near that worthless sack of shit.

Daryl cleaned out his fridge, calling T over to help him with something. He had T-dog hide the liquor where Daryl would never think to look. Daryl needed to keep the alcohol as a reminder to not drink it or even be tempted. He just really couldn't know where it was. When he drank, he remembered it all, and it made him want to be sick to remembered it all. He wanted to forget, but it was so hard. It was the most difficult memory, more difficult than the scars his father beat onto his back.

"I'm proud of you," T-dog told him. "Givin' up your vices, and it ain't even New Years." He chuckled at Daryl's unamused expression.

"Man, I need a...drink." He dropped his hand onto the island.

"It's your lucky day. I brought you some grape juice, some apple and if you're feeling really brave, I brought prune juice."

"Screw you," Daryl retorted.

T laughed. "Get some rest, man. You look horrible."

"I'm gonna." Daryl walked him to the door. "Hey, thanks."

"Someone's gotta look after you," T replied. "I just made a promise."

That caught Daryl's attention. "What?"

T mentally cursed. "Huh?"

"Pr—promise? You made a promise?" Daryl narrowed his eyes. "To who? Who'd you promise?"

"You need rest, man. I said I just free time. Time, not promise."

"Nah, I heard promise."

T sighed. "Damn, I told her I wouldn't tell you."

"Her?" Daryl's throat tightened. "Carol?"

He nodded. "The day before...it happened, she came to me and made me swear I'd look after you. I figured it had to do with... I didn't know her plan, and that's the truth."

"She wanted you to look after me?" He felt his chest tighten.

"You know you came first with Carol."

Daryl swallowed. "No, I didn't."

"Not fully in the end," T agreed, "but you were always the first thought she had."

"Damn." He leaned against the door frame. "I need—"

"Jesus?" T offered, smirking.

"Privacy. Go home."

"If you need a couple days off," T suggested, "I understand."

"Naw, I'll be there."

"Mmm-hmmm."

Daryl closed the door as T-dog left, and he ran his hands through his hair. He didn't know Carol had asked T that. He always assumed she just left to achieve her dreams and get out of their marriage. He never thought she might have been thinking of him. He knew that if Carol really was thinking of him, she would've talked to him, not left divorce papers on the island with her signature already fucking above her name and her drawers emptied. If Carol know him, at all, she couldn't have done that. She wouldn't have done that.

He groaned and dropped onto the couch. He rolled over and stared at the ceiling, the light from the kitchen casting shadows, and he needed to sleep. He reached into his pocket and dug out a sleeping pill. He took it without water and closed his eyes, letting the world fade into nothing as he fell into a deep sleep.

– – –

_Carol studied with Andrea at the shop, drinking cappuccinos and sharing a slice of cheesecake. Jacqui and Mom were working, and Carol felt them watching her. Carol hadn't touched her drink or the cheesecake, and Carol loved both. She could eat cheesecake for years and never get tired of it. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she wasn't able to eat. She was worrying about her final exams and the essay she'd written to the school of her dreams and trying not to worry about Daryl. She wasn't clingy—or she hoped she wasn't—but Daryl hadn't called or let her know he wasn't going to school. She didn't mind, but usually he did to let her know whether or not to pack an extra lunch. Shane enjoyed that._

"_I guess you aren't thinking hard on polynomials," Andrea said to Carol, drinking her cappuccino._

"_Is it that obvious?" She felt herself blushing a little._

"_Just a lotta bit." Andrea smiled. "He probably just skipped. That math test was hard, and our teacher's a bitch. I'd skip too if I could."_

"_Probably." She picked up her cup and took a drink. "So, how are things with Shane?"_

"_Fine, for now. We're not serious, and I have to leave for college soon. Civil Rights Attorney, just like my father." She crossed her legs. "Amy's already hiding my belongings, so I can't leave."_

"_I wish I had that issue with my little sister."_

"_Why? What's Beth doing?"_

"_Pissing me off," she answered honestly. "I know she's young, but she's ridiculously bratty. I'm glad her room is at the other end of the hall."_

"_Well, Amy's only focusing on the fact that I'm leaving."_

"_Lucky you. I wish Beth was."_

_Andrea closed her notebook. "Speaking of Amy, I have to go pick her up from dance practice." She gathered her belongings. "Thanks for the cheesecake and coffee." She gave Carol a hug before leaving._

_Shawn sat down in her seat. "What's up, lil' sis?"_

"_What of mine did you break?" Carol asked._

"_Nothing! I just want to know how you are. You look depressed."_

"_I'm not depressed. I'm stressed." She hadn't been able to focus since last night. She was worried Daryl wasn't going to come to school until graduation. He did avoid people he didn't like. She never thought she would be on that list. If she was, she needed to at least talk to him. She'd made a B on her test, because of how unfocused she was._

"_Lemme guess: Daryl?"_

"_And my B on my math test." _

"_Your life is so complicated."_

"_I'll lose 4,000 dollars if my GPA drops, Shawn." She glared. "And you don't understand anything when it comes to Daryl."_

"_I've known you since you were born, kid, so I do know. He's your first love, and it's ridiculously hard to be away from him. Am I getting close?"_

_She dropped her head down in her notebook. "Great. I **am** clingy."_

_He laughed. _

_She sighed. "It's not being away from him that's hard." She lifted her head. "It's him being...distant that's hard. Recently, I feel like he's pushing me away. I don't know what it is or why he feels the need to push me away, but I will find out. After I memorize this formula." _

"_There's this fantastic new thing you can try."_

"_What?"_

"_Talking to him!"_

"_Really? Why did I not think of that?" She closed her binder. "Oh, Dad wanted me to ask if you would take part in our new item on the menu: Shawn-cabobs. They're made with genuine Shawn."_

"_Go home." He picked up the plate. "Study and feed Beth."_

"_She's not a dog." Carol shouldered her bag. "And I need your car keys."_

_He dug them out of his pocket and handed them to her. "Leave my car at T-dog's."_

"_I will." She picked up her cappuccino and left. She set her purse and binder in the passenger seat and drove over to T-dog's shop. She threw away her now empty cup and went inside."T-dog?" She didn't see him, so she peered down into the next room. She heard the sounds of equipment being used, so she followed them and found where T-dog and her car were. _

"_I'm sorry to just walk in," she said automatically. _

"_That's fine," he assured her, smiling. _

"_How's it going?" She was hoping to find it almost done. From the look of it, she would never get her car back._

"_If it's not done now, it'll be done by the time Annette gets off."_

"_Really?"_

_He laughed at her disbelieving expression. "This isn't your car. Your car's outside."_

"_Thank God, because I can't afford all of that." She laughed._

"_About that." She met his eyes. "Your bill's been paid."_

"_What? How? I'm still saving." Hershel was going to help her with the last bit of money. Who would pay her bill for her? There's no way Shawn would, and Maggie hadn't left the cafè since school let out, and the whole reason Hershel was paying the last of it was because Carol was earning it by working. Who was left? Uncle Otis? Patricia? No way. They didn't even know about her car. Did they? _

"_Never mind. Where's my car?"_

"_Through there." He pointed to the door. _

"_Thank you." She left through the door he pointed at and found her car and Daryl. She paused and looked him over. He wore a black t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a red bandana was hanging out of his back pocket, and he was bent over, working on something in her car. She paused because not only was he working outside and slightly sweaty, but the muscles._

_Daryl tensed when he felt eyes on him and looked over, seeing Carol staring with her mouth open. "What're you starin' at?"_

"_Nothing!" She felt her face burn. "I—I'm just surprised to see you. Here, I mean. I thought you were sick or...something." _

"_Why?" He squinted at her._

"_You weren't in school."_

"_So? Missin' school ain't a crime."_

"_I know, but you should've told me. I brought your lunch."_

"_I told you to stop." He leaned against her car._

"_Perhaps I will." She walked over to him. "I figured you'd rather have homemade food than lumpy potatoes and greasy solution chicken."_

"_What's really buggin' you?"_

"_What makes you think—?"_

"_Carol, it's me. I know."_

"_What happened last night?" she whispered._

"_You tell me."_

"_Daryl."_

"_You're goin' to college outta state, aren't you?"_

"_Yes." She searched his eyes. "Who told you?" He was good at guessing, but not that too._

"_Maggie and Beth."_

_She scoffed. And they said they wouldn't. She should've known. Beth's had a crush on Daryl since she first saw him. "Bitch," Carol hissed, not meaning to say it out loud or at all, and she sighed._

_Daryl laughed._

"_What are you laughing at?"_

"_Nothin', you just ain't one for cussin'." He smirked. _

"_Stop that." She felt herself smiling. "We really need to talk. I don't want to break up with you, Daryl, and I don't even know if I'll get accepted."_

"_You will," he assured her. "They'd have to be stupid not to."_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. "Thank you." She ran her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. "You can always put me at ease. How do you do that?"_

"_Hell if I know." He pulled her in and kissed her._

"_Hey, hey, hey," T-dog called out to them, "no makin' out with the customers during working hours."_

_Carol broke the kiss and buried her face in the crook of his neck, trying not to laugh, and Daryl pushed her back by her hips and stood up, letting go of her hands and showing T they were done. He gave his "Mmm-hmm" before going back inside, and Carol laughed out loud then._

"_Shh, he can hear us."_

"_I'm sorry." She covered her mouth with her hand and tried to stop._

"_Focus on your car." Daryl closed the hood. "It's done."_

"_And paid for." She sighed, no longer finding it funny. "Who would pay for my car? I can't think of anyone." She lifted her eyes. "Unless you had something to do with it."_

"_Pfft, wasn't me."_

"_I'll find who it was myself then." She walked over to the driver's side and opened the door, tossing her purse into the passenger seat. "This feels wrong. I really wish I could just pay for it again."_

"_Be my guest. I might get a raise."_

"_Ha ha. It's nice to know someone's enjoying my guilt." _

"_Speakin' of guilt...'bout prom," Daryl changed the subject, "do you mind if we don't go?"_

"_You don't want to go?"_

"_Nah. Do you?"_

"_God, no. I'd rather keep the money for college fees." She smiled. "I'm glad you didn't want to go either. I'd feel really horrible."_

"_You thought I wanted to go?" His eyebrows rose. "Do you know me?"_

_She stuck her tongue out. "I have to go home and write an essay about an English writer, so excuse me, Mr. Dixon."_

"_Ha ha," he shot back drily._

– – –

Carol and Sophia's trip went smoothly, and they arrived back in Carol's hometown the next day, bright-eyed and caffeine/sugar-deprived. Carol bought a cup of coffee and got Sophia a pack of candies. They walked through town, a lot of people didn't know who the hell she was, and she was so glad. She didn't want them to know and tell her parents before she could even gather the courage to go and see them. She could feel her intestines twisting into knots at the mere thought of seeing her parents or running into her siblings. God, she felt like a runaway. She technically was.

Daryl. What if she ran into Daryl?! Her heart almost broke through her chest it was beating so fast. She felt glued to the ground as if Daryl was walking in front of her, and she didn't want him know. She even stopped breathing. She had kept her thoughts off of Daryl as long as she could, but she would have to see him eventually, especially if he still had his morning schedule at the shop.

"Mommy?" Sophia gazed up at her, the hat slipping down and off her head.

Carol picked it up and placed it back on her head out of habit. "I'm okay. Are you done with that?" She pointed to the candy wrapper, and Sophia nodded. Carol threw it away and her half-empty coffee cup. She took Sophia to a diner to get some decent breakfast food with the two tens she'd "found" in some guy's...wallet on the train. He was rude and snored in her face, so this was making it even. He wore a designer jacket, so she doubted he'd miss them.

Carol took Sophia's hat when they went inside, stuffing it into the knapsack, and Sophia ordered blueberry pancakes with hash "brownies" as she called them and eggs with a glass of chocolate. Sophia didn't like bacon. Her second favorite stuffed animal, Mr. O, was a pig, and she didn't want to offend him. Carol just took another coffee. She was so freaked about her parents and Daryl.

Sophia swung her feet and watched the people outside. "You grew up here?"

"Yep." Carol stirred half and half into her coffee.

"It's nice." Sophia turned to her mom. "Is my daddy here?"

Carol lowered the cup. "Your daddy?"

"Yeah." She sat up straighter. "Is he here?"

"Honey, you know where your—" Carol cut off. She didn't want Sophia to think that what happen between her and Ed happens to all moms and dads, so she lied. "Your daddy's with the angels."

"Like Mr. Hinky?" Sophia loved Mr. Hinky for all of two weeks before he turned up floating in his fishbowl. It was sad, but Carol gave him a royal flushing.

"Yes...like Mr. Hinky."

She nodded. "Wish I coulda meant him."

"You would've loved him," Carol agreed.

Sophia picked up Dee Dee and held him close. She did that a lot, Carol noticed. It was as if he could protect her from anything and everything. Carol never told her where she got that bear, and she probably never would. It wasn't important to Sophia, because Sophia didn't know Daryl, but it meant a lot to Carol. Daryl won it for her at a fair, and she'd taken it with her when she left. It was the only thing that calmed Sophia as a baby and she'd have her four a.m. tantrums. Sophia took good care of it surprisingly, and Carol was glad, because Mr. O had seen Carol's needlework countless times.

"So...who lives here?" Sophia set Dee Dee down when her plate came, Carol gave the waitress a thank you smile and reached over and cut up Sophia's pancakes.

"Hmm?"

"My grandparents?"

Carol poured the hot syrup over the neatly cut pancakes. "Yes, and a few aunts and an uncle."

Sophia paused in picking up her fork. "Two aunts and an uncle?" She smiled. "Do I have cousins?"

"I—I don't know, honey. It's been a long, long time since Mommy spoke to them."

"Oh." She ate a forkful of pancakes. "What're their names?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Carol scolded. "Their names are Shawn, Maggie and Beth."

Sophia nodded.

"And there's Grandpa Hershel and Grandma Annette. Oh, and Grandpa Otis and Grandma Patricia." Carol smiled, missing all of them so much in that moment. "Oh, you'll love them, and they'll love you. They'll spoil you too."

Sophia smiled at that.

"I grew up on a beautiful farm," Carol told her. "With cows and chickens and horses."

"Baby cows?"

"Yes, baby cows and baby chickens and baby horses." She crossed her arms on the table. "I bet Shawn will teach you how to ride. He's the best. He gives lessons on the weekends. Well, he used to."

"Anything else?"

"There's duck pond out back."

Sophia's eyes widened. "With real ducks?"

"Sometimes." Carol laughed at her expression, reaching over and wiping ketchup off her cheek. "It's really a great place to grow up. I'm sure you'll love it." She wiped her finger on a napkin.

Sophia ate the rest of her breakfast while Carol finished her coffee, telling her the happier times at the farm, and Sophia couldn't wait to meet her grandparents and aunties and uncle. She was so hyped up on sugar too, so Carol decided to take her around town first. She didn't want her to completely freak out on her parents. They were older now, and their hearts probably couldn't take it.

Sophia spun herself in the grass while Carol looked over the set of keys Karen had left her. She knew the car was probably in town since Karen lived here once and owned a summer home here. It was probably at the summer home or at T-dog's garage. Carol couldn't see Daryl first, so she and Sophia went to the summer house, hopeful.

"Is this where we're staying?" Sophia gaped.

Carol clicked the unlock button, and the garage door opened, revealing a green Hyundai. Carol unlocked the truck, finding luggage inside, and when she opened it, there were clothes inside that would fit both Carol and Sophia. She found a winking smiley face drawn on a piece of paper. It was Karen's handiwork. Carol set the backpack in with the luggage and closed the trunk, unlocking the doors and making sure Sophia was buckled in.

Carol checked the glove compartment, but there were only baby wipes and CDs inside. She started the car and backed up, a key fell down her top and a piece of paper fluttered down. She jumped when the cold key touched her skin, and she pulled it out. It was a house key. Damn, Karen thought this through. She really wanted Carol to get out from under Ed.

"You're welcome, love Karen," Sophia read.

"Hey, hey, hey, buckle your butt back up."

Sophia slid back and locked the buckle. "So, Auntie Karen got us here?"

"Yeah, she did." Carol drove oh-so slowly to her parents' house. "And we are gonna bake her some cookies and sent her a big thank you card."

"With lots of x's and o's," Sophia added. "Lots of 'em!"

Carol laughed. "Tons and bunches of 'em."

Halfway to her childhood home, Sophia had to use the bathroom, so Carol pulled over at the last gas station and walked her in. Carol let Sophia stretch her legs outside while she flipped through the CDs, finding one band in particular that Sophia loved above all others. Carol didn't know why either, but it was better than the horrid country music Ed always played. Ed's put her off a lot of things.

"Sophia." Carol waved the disk, and she actually jumped up and down.

"Yes! Florence and the Machine!" She was beaming. "Oh, please, please, please play _Dog Days Are Over_! Please, please, please!"

"Fine, fine, fine," Carol mocked her. "Get in the back."

"Mommy, I'm still short."

Carol laughed and helped her into the car, buckling her in, and Carol hoped she didn't start car-dancing like she normally did whenever Florence and the Machine played.

_Happiness hit her like a train on a track_

_Coming towards her stuck still no turning back_

_She hid around corners and she hid under beds_

_She killed it with kisses and from it she fled_

_With every bubble she sank with her drink_

_And washed it away down the kitchen sink_

"I love this song!" Sophia gushed, singing along, and Carol loved to see her like this. It used to be rare, because Ed always used to play the worst country music he could find and yell at her when she tried to sing along or even clap along, and she was glad that bastard wasn't there. She prayed it would be so common she'd want to throw the CD out of the window just to be free of it. Sophia wasn't the best singer, but she was only four and singing to her was just trying to get the words right.

_The dog days are over_

_The dog days are done_

_The horses are coming_

_So you better run_

Carol listened to the lyrics and was actually liking the song. It wasn't too bad when Sophia didn't play it on repeat all the day. She even found herself humming along to it. Florence had a really good voice, and Carol no longer minded hearing them in the car or at bath time or...anywhere Sophia could get away with playing her music.

_Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father_

_Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers_

_Leave all your love and your longing behind_

_You can't carry it with you if you want to survive_

Carol and Sophia started jamming, and Carol turned it up loud. Sophia was really getting into it as always, and Carol laughed at her, but not in a mean way like Ed. Sophia was laughing too since she'd learned mos it from Grease, and Carol made a note to teach Sophia how to dance. After she fond somehow who knew how to dance, of course.

_The dog days are over_

_The dog days are done_

_Can you hear the horses?_

_'Cause here they come_

Carol could hear Sophia singing now that she stopped, and she was pretty good. It was cute, to be more accurate, and Carol wished she had camera. She wouldn't be surprised if Karen had packed one away for them. She seemed to have everything else.

"_Something I don't know_," Sophia sang, and Carol laughed so hard.

"Okay, let's calm down." Carol turned it down.

Sophia nodded, out of breathe.

Carol drove for a minute then they both busted out singing, "_Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father! Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers! Leave all your love and your longing behind! You can't carry it with you if you want to survive!_"

They stopped right after, Sophia looked out the window, and Carol kept her eyes on the road. They both were smiling though.


	4. The Promise

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Carol parked in her parents' driveway at six, Sophia was squirming with excitement, and Carol took a calming breath. She felt as though she was going to throw up, and she repressed the urge. The last time she saw them, she was so damaged—not much has changed. Sophia was trying to unlock the door to get out, and Carol was glad for the child safety locks.

"One minute, baby." She removed her seat belt with shaky hands.

"Are you scared?" Sophia asked, leaning on the console.

"A little. It's been five years."

"Well, family's the most important thing, so it'll be okay."

Carol smiled at her. "Yeah, let's go." She opened her door then Sophia's, taking her hand and walking to the front door. She saw the front door was open, and she could see inside through the screen door. She saw Maggie setting the table, but nothing else from that angle. All of her fears came rushing back at the sight of Maggie, and she wanted to turn and run, but there was no where left to run. This was the only home she and Sophia had. She needed to make amends, and she missed them so much.

She didn't want to miss then one second longer, so she took a deep, cleansing breath to fight off another wave of queasiness and to calm her race heart_. Okay, Carol, you can do this. Just breathe. It'll all be okay. They're family, and they love you. They'll understand. Just take your time. There's no rush. Just breathe. In. Out. Okay, just kno—_

"Auntie Maggie!" Sophia shouted. "Auntie Beth!"

**Shit! **She forgot she had an impatient four-year-old with her. **Good Lord, help her.**

"Who—?" Beth dropped plate in the hall at the sight of them, and Maggie gaped from the dining room.

"Who's yellin'?" Shawn called down the stairs.

"Carol?" Beth's voice broke. "It's Carol!" Beth ran to open the door, hugging her. "You're alive! You're back! You're home!"

"Beth." Carol hugged her just as tightly. "God, I missed you!"

"Daddy!" Beth released her. "Daddy, come quick!"

Maggie hugged Carol next, but Shawn hung back, and the minute Hershel saw in the doorway, his eyes watered, and he held her so tight for so long, she thought he was never going to let go of her again. All of Carol's worries melted away as her father held her, and she wanted to break down and cry and tell them every horrible thing that happened. She kept from breaking down, but she couldn't stop the tears. God, her chest was aching from happiness.

"Who's this?" Beth asked, bending down to look at Sophia. "You're just a little cutie."

"Hi. I'm Sophia." Sophia looked at her. "Are you my Auntie Beth or Maggie?"

"Auntie?" Shawn and Maggie exclaimed.

"Auntie?" Beth whispered, eyes filling. "I am your Auntie Beth. It is so nice to meet you." She hugged her.

"Well, you've got a story to tell," Shawn bitterly remarked.

"That she does," Hershel agreed, letting her come inside.

"I'm Maggie." Maggie was on her knees in front of Sophia and took Sophia's hands in both of hers. "Auntie Maggie. God, that sounds so strange." Maggie laughed a little.

"I'm Sophia."

"That's a beautiful name." Beth smoothed her hair down.

"Well, you be starvin'." Maggie stood up. "Both of you. We made beef stew ironically. I'll get you some chairs and plates." She and Beth disappeared into the kitchen.

Sophia turned to Hershel. "Grandpa...Hershel?"

"Grandpa," he repeated. "Yes, that's me."

"Can I touch your beard? Is it real?"

He chuckled. "Yes, it's real." He led her into the dining room.

Shawn came off the stairs, Carol smiled, but he wasn't in the mood to make her feel at home. She crossed her arms and said hello. He looked at her. "Your contacts are still in." He headed to the dining room, and Carol stepped into the bathroom to remove them. She washed up and joined them, sitting next to Sophia. She didn't see her mom, but they were asking her so many questions, and she felt obligated to answer after her disappearing act.

"Where did you go?" Beth asked after saying grace, passing the rolls to Maggie.

"Er, Kentucky."

"Why?" Shawn asked, his eyes burning into her face.

"So, how old are you, Sophia?" Maggie handed the basket to Carol.

"Four, but I'm almost five." She scooted back in her chair. "My birthday's in March."

"March?" Hershel picked up his fork. "What day in March?"

"Twenty-third," Carol answered since Sophia didn't have it memorized just yet. She only knew the month.

"Huh, so you must've gotten knocked up in...what, June?" Shawn took a drink of water.

"Mid-July," Carol murmured.

"Who's the father?"

Carol sighed a groan. She knew this would happen, but she didn't expect it from Shawn.

"You don't gotta answer that," Maggie assured her.

"No, she really does. Hey, you, who's your daddy?" Shawn demanded.

"Don't talk to my daughter like that!" Carol stood up. "She's not a you. She has a name; it's Sophia, and she's **your** niece!"

"Beth," Hershel said. "Why don't you and Sophia go see the horses?"

She left with Sophia quickly as Shawn and Carol got into it, Hershel tried to calm them down, but they were like a dry forest and a burning flame. All Maggie and Hershel could do was watch.

"You're a selfish bitch," Shawn shouted.

"I am n—"

**"You left!** Just walked out! What kind of person just leaves divorce papers on the table already signed? You didn't even talked about, you just left!"

Carol glared. "You aren't Daryl! You don't get to yell at me! It was my marriage, and it had nothing to do with you!"

"Fine. Fine. What about us?" he demanded. "Huh? Me, your sisters, Mom and Dad. You just up and leave without a single word to us then come back five years later! What the hell, Carol?!"

"I had problems that needed sorted."

"Most people don't hop a Greyhound to escape marital problems!"

"They weren't marital problems!" she shouted back. "I had issues that I needed to deal with! Alone! I couldn't do anything here without _somebody_ breathing down my neck!"

"You missed so much," he seethed. "Beth's prom and her graduation. Maggie's graduation! All of the "what if she comes back today" moments, those were a hoot! Worrying if you were dead in a ditch or alive and doing well! Wondering what we did that made you want to hurt us so bad by never calling or writing or leaving a goddamn slip of paper telling us you were all right and we didn't need to worry for five damn years!"

Carol stared.

"Oh, and you hurt Mom so damn deep, she's in the hospital right now—dying because of you!" He threw the cloth napkin on the floor and stormed out of the room.

Carol blinked back tears. "Mom's—Mom's dying?" Carol felt numb.

"Go, Daddy." Maggie walked over to Carol and sat her down on the on the couch in the living room, sitting beside her, letting Hershel go after Shawn. "Yeah, Mom's real sick, but she's doin' better. She has good doctors, and she's improvin'." Maggie set a comforting hand on her knee. "But Shawn's right. You should've let us know how you were, where you were. We really would've liked to know."

"I had to disappeared," Carol whispered. "You wouldn't understand."

"No, I can't say that I do. What you and Daryl went through...was horrible, but you should've stayed and tried to work it out. Or at least came back and lived with us."

"It wasn't about what happened," Carol clarified. "It was about Daryl and his future. I had to do what was best for him."

"And leaving him was best?"

"At the time, yes. I was nineteen, and that seemed like the best thing to do. I was wrong." She wrapped her arms around herself. "But I'm not going to wish I could redo it, because I wouldn't have Sophia."

"So...her father isn't Daryl."

"I left in early July, but I got pregnant shortly after that date."

"Well, where is the father?"

"Gone. He died, and that's why I decided to come back. Sophia deserves to know all of you, and had I known about Mom, I swear I would've come sooner." She met Maggie's eyes. "Do you want to yell at me too?"

"No. Shawn's the yeller, and I'm the responsible one. I'll understand when you give me the whole story. But Beth? She's pissed at you."

"Yeah, I know."

"You promised you wouldn't leave and not call, but you did. Beth took that personally."

Carol looked at her. "But Beth hates me. We all know that."

"No, Carol, she doesn't."

– – –

_Carol grabbed her laptop and went out to the porch, propping her feet up on the rail and listening to the nature around her. She thought of which writer she was writing about—Chaucer—and looked him up using everything but Wikipedia. She typed out the proposal and then a three-paged essay. She heard her sister calling her for dinner when the sun was sinking, and she quickly saved, unplugged her charger and shut her computer down. _

"_Carol, help Mom with the dishes." Maggie set the table as Carol set her computer down in a chair in the living room and hurried to help their mom._

"_Beth, dinner!" Maggie called up the stairs._

"_Your dad and Shawn will be home late, so don't bother calling them," Annette told the girls._

_Beth padded down the stairs, ending a phone call with one of her friends, and they sat down to dinner. Carol was about to ask if any of them had paid for her car when her mom asked her what she wanted for her birthday. Carol really hated to be asked that question—mostly because she never really wanted anything and just said random things off the top of her head._

"_My birthday's not for another week or so," Carol muttered. _

"_You have no idea what you want then." Annette took a drink of water._

"_I've been too busy with other things to think about what I want for my birthday." She shrugged a shoulder. "Just...surprise me."_

"_Speakin' of gifts," Beth said to Carol, "did Daryl like his?"_

"_What do you mean?" Carol ate a forkful of green beans._

"_You got him that crossbow. Did you give it to him yet?"_

"_Beth, stop going into my room." Carol glared. _

"_I didn't," Beth shot back. "You don't throw anythin' away. I saw the receipt."_

"_Girls," Annette said softly. _

"_You are such a lair. I know you go through my things! You're wearing my shirt right now. I may not wear it very often, but it is mine."_

"_It looks better on me."_

"_You're such a little kid."_

"_Shut up." Beth glared. "You're just jealous."_

"_Of what?"_

"_Everything I have!"_

"_Girls, please."_

"_Everything you have? What, your ability to annoy people? Your fake crying that convinces no one? You're 2 point oh?"_

"_Girls!" Annette raised her voice when they started yelling at each other, and they both stopped. "Enough already!"_

"_She started—" Beth began._

"_Beth, enough." She stood up. "You're getting too old to be doing this, and Carol, I thought you were above this."_

"_I'm sorry. She gets under my skin." Carol kept her eyes on her plate after speaking._

_Annette shook her head. "Eat, both of you, and if you say one more negative thing to one another, you both are going to clean the stable and the chicken coop and the house for a week." Beth slouched in her chair, and Carol wasn't hungry anymore._

"_Excuse me." Carol left the dining room and went upstairs. She locked her bedroom door and plopped down on her bed. She couldn't wait to get out of this house, away from Beth. She was so ready for college and life, and since she didn't have to pay for her car, she could get an apartment. Beth would never be allowed into it either. Nosy little brat._

_She rolled onto the floor and dug the gift out from under her bed. Daryl already had a crossbow, but she figured it was old and getting worn out, so she bought him this one. She hoped he liked it. She didn't even care about Merle anymore. He was rarely around, which was odd. Knowing him even as little she did, he probably got arrested. It was horrible to think, but probably true. Merle was so irresponsible._

_She hid the crossbow in the back of her closet where Beth couldn't reach it. She decided to skip school next Friday since they weren't doing anything major with graduation in, like, two weeks. She would turn her paper in tomorrow. That's the only work she had due, and she'd finished that. All she had to do now was sit through boring classes where they did nothing and wait anxiously for the mail._

– – –

_Carol stumbled down the stairs, trying to get her foot into her tennis shoe, and she ran out the front door, nearly knocking Patricia over. The mail had come today, and she'd woken up early just to be the first one to get it. Usually Shawn hid her mail, but not today._

_Shawn saw Carol going to the mailbox and set the basket of apples down and went after her. He needed the exercise, and soon he wouldn't be able to bug her. He caught up to her easily, though Carol was trying her best to get ahead of him._

_They reached the mailbox at the same time, Carol opened it and dug through the many letters, and Shawn caught his breath as she flipped through them. She saw the seal and pulled the letter free from the others. She swallowed hard and held it out to him._

"_You open it. I can't."_

"_Chicken." He took it and opened it, scanning it. "What a shame. I really wanted that exercise room."_

"_What?" Her heart sank. "Give me that." She took it and read it. _

_Shawn covered his ears when Carol gasped then squealed loudly and jumped up and down. She hugged him tightly and quickly then ran back to the house to tell her parents she got accepted, and Shawn smiled. He looked through the mail on his way back, and he covered his ears as he walked through the house. He could still hear the squealing._

"_What's going on in here?" Hershel asked as he and Otis entered._

"_I got accepted!" Carol held out the letter. "Daddy, I got accepted! A full scholarship!"_

"_That's great." He hugged her. "I'm so proud of you, honey."_

"_Thanks, Daddy." She moved hair out of her face. "I'm gonna go tell Maggie and Beth. Beth loves when I leave." She grabbed her keys from her coat pocket and drove to the shop to tell them. She made her way through the people and found Maggie in the office with Beth, ordering supplies. _

"_Hey." She sat down as Maggie finished the order, but they could both see she had news. She could hardly sit still and she looked like she'd slept with a hanger in her mouth. The fact that she had unbrushed hair and her nightshirt on also gave them a hint. At least her jeans weren't dirty._

_Maggie set the phone down. "Okay, spill it."_

"_I got accepted!" She jumped up. "A full scholarship and everything!"_

"_Oh, my God! That's great!" Maggie smiled and gave her a congratulatory hug._

"_Accepted?" Beth repeated. "To the one outta state?"_

"_Yeah." Carol nodded. "Don't look so sad. I might think you actually care for me," Carol teased._

"_You gotta be kiddin' me." Beth looked at her with big blue eyes. "That—No. That can't be true."_

"_Beth," Maggie scolded. "Don't."_

"_Don't what?" Carol glanced between them._

"_You're leavin' for college, Shawn's goin' away this summer, and Maggie has that camp." Beth glared. "Everybody's leavin' me."_

"_Leaving you?" Carol frowned. "Beth, I'm not le—"_

"_Yes, you are! Y'all both are!" She tried to keep her voice down. "Who am I gonna talk to this summer? It's hard enough now when we're all together. Who's gonna make time to talk to the kid sister?"_

"_Beth, we're not leavin' forever," Maggie reminded._

"_But it's gonna feel like forever," Beth argued, tears in her eyes now. "I don't have good friends like you both. It's just me. How am I gonna help Ma? Or Daddy? I can't do nothin' to help 'em, and they're gonna expect me to help even more now. I don't wanna be a screw up."_

"_You'll never be a screw up," Carol told her. "Your talents may not be in farm work, but you have plenty of skills. And Maggie and Shawn and I will call when we can, and I'll visit too. It's not like I'm going to leave and never come back."_

"_Can't you just go to the college in town?" Beth whispered. _

"_This college is really good, Beth. Don't try and guilt her." Maggie sent her a warning look, but it was gentle._

_Carol hugged her little sister. "You'll be fine. The worse thing that happens is you cut yourself with a tool while working. And I'm not leaving for a while."_

"_What's goin' on in here?" Jacqui crossed her arms. _

"_Nothing," they said in unison._

"_What's that?" She pointed to the paper in Carol's pocket._

"_Oh, I got accepted into my dream college." Carol had lost her excitement._

"_I knew you would." She smiled proudly. "I'm proud of you, honey. Real proud. Gimme a hug."_

_Carol smiled and hugged Jacqui. "Thank you."_

_Maggie and Beth made it a group hug and then it occurred to them they were busy and no one was at the counter. Carol grabbed two cappuccinos and four muffins, Maggie's green lace top and went to see if Daryl was busy this lovely Saturday morning._

– – –

_Beth was curled up in her bed, sniffling, and Maggie went into the room. She jumped onto the bed and tried to get Beth to crack a smile, but she'd been so depressed about Carol's disappearance. She was assuming the worst. They didn't have to heart to tell her Carol was fine and left them without a single word on purpose. Beth was the baby, and no one wanted to hurt her with that news._

"_C'mon, Bethy, don't be so down." Maggie smiled. "It's a beautiful day. The birds are chirping, and it's windy. You love when it's windy."_

"_I'm a horrible person," Beth sniffed._

"_What?" Maggie laughed at the insinuation. "No, you're a good person. Too good." _

"_Then why did Carol leave Daryl?"_

_Maggie frowned. "How did you—?"_

"_Daddy was talkin' to Shawn about it." Beth sniffed. It was her fault. It was entirely her fault, and she was a horrible person. She was going to Hell for this. She was forever marked SLUT. She was disgusted with herself. "It's my fault."_

"_No, it ain't."_

"_Yes, it is." She sat up. "I—I kissed him."_

"_What?" Maggie exclaimed._

_She nodded._

"_When? Why? How?"_

"_It was after Shane's birthday party. I got a spiked drink, but I didn't know. I felt funny, and I was goin' to Daryl's shop to see if he could take me home, and I threw myself at him." She pulled her legs into her chest. "I attacked his mouth, and I'm pretty sure I licked him."_

_Maggie stared at her, not sure what to say._

"_He pushed me back real quick, but I told him how I felt. A—and how I knew he and Carol weren't doin' good and how he had needs..." She buried her face in her jeans. "It was God awful, Maggie! I may have even grabbed at him."_

"_Whoa, you grabbed him?" _

"_I don't know. I had a lot of odd-tasting drinks, but I didn't know what it was. I've never had alcohol, so I thought it was a nasty and cheap soda. It's a hazy mess."_

"_And that's why you think this is your fault?"_

_She nodded._

_Maggie grabbed her pillow with the blue anchor sewn into it and smacked Beth in the head with it. "You dumbass!"_

"_Hey!" Beth snatched the pillow._

"_Daryl, me, Carol, Daddy and the whole town knew you had a crush on him. Beth, you're a kid. Carol knows you're stupid most of the time, and she'd have forgiven you for that. What happened between them happened, because of...you know."_

_Beth swallowed. "That makes me feel even worse."_

"_Me too. Don't waste time blamin' yourself."_

_She nodded and wiped her eyes, taking a deep breathe. She smiled a little. "Do you thinks she'll call today?"_

"_I don't know. Maybe." _

_They looked at the phone on Beth's nightstand, and Beth tucked hair behind her ear before turning back to her sister with a hopeful smile. "It's my birthday tomorrow. I know she'll call then."_

"_Yeah." Maggie smiled. "She'll definitely call."_

––

"Thank you for the guilt trip. I thought Shawn was here for that."

"Well, we backed the car up for two miles, but we're back on course now." Maggie looked into Carol's eyes. "Right? You're stayin'?"

"For now."

"For now?" Maggie shot up. "You're leavin' again?" Hershel and Shawn walked back in, and Maggie pointed to Carol. "She's leavin' again, Daddy."

"Aren't we a bit old for—?"

"Like hell," Hershel interrupted her, and Carol blinked, not used to hearing him cuss. "You don't get to come back after five years, let us meet your daughter then book town. I didn't raise you to do that, and it doesn't work that way. You're staying."

"Dad, I'm twenty-four, and I can leave if I want to."

"We're leaving?" Sophia stopped in the doorway. "Mommy, no. I like it here."

"Sophia, I—"

"No! I'm sick of motels and hotels and nasty canned food! I wanna stay here!"

"Sophia, go to the car," Carol commanded. "Right now, and don't you dare raise your voice at me like that again."

Her eyes filled with tears. "We were having fun for once," she sobbed. "You ruined it!" She ran off toward the car.

Carol sighed. "I have to talk to her."

"Will you come back?" Beth asked.

Carol glanced back. "Yes, I will." She hurried after Sophia, finding her in the backseat of the car, crying and holding Dee Dee close. Her chest tightened at the sight of her little girl, and she wanted to explain, but Sophia wouldn't understand. Carol didn't want her to understand anyway. She wanted her to forgot, and she was young, so Carol prayed she does forget in time. Explaining it would only make it more complicated for her. Carol had to protect her, so she would tell her the easy version.

"Sophia."

"Leave me alone!" She turned away from her.

"Let me explain, honey." Carol rubbed her leg. "Please?"

She lifted her face from Dee Dee. "Fine. You have two minutes."

Carol gently smoothed her hair back. "We're visiting here for a while then we're gonna go, but we will come back. I promise."

"Pinkie promise." Sophia held her pinkie out, and Carol locked her pinkie to hers. "Can we go back?"

"Yes, I believe we can." Carol picked her up and held her, closing the car door. "I bet they made dessert. Probably some type of pie."

"Apple?" Sophia asked hopefully.

"Perhaps. We'll have to see." She set her down as they entered the house, rejoining the others at the table, and even though Shawn was still pissed, they managed to get through dinner and dessert. Sophia fell asleep after dinner on the couch, Carol spoke with her sisters, brother and father in the dining room, telling them about her schooling and about the goods times of Ed. It was nice to catch up.

Maggie was going into the police academy next month, Beth was on her second semester of final year of college, and she was going to be a nurse. Carol was impressed by both of them, and she already knew Shawn was going to take care of the farm. He was born here, and he would die here, like their daddy. It was good to know they had their lives sorted, and Carol was glad they wouldn't lose the farm. She loved this land, and she wanted it in the family forever. This was Greene property, and it only seemed right it stay Greene property.

Shawn still hadn't look or talk to her by the end of the evening, so she gave him a goodnight hug and told him she loved him then did the same to Maggie, Beth and Hershel. He barely hugged her back, but he did tell her loved her. Carol carried Sophia up to her old bedroom, finding it in the same condition as when she left: a few boxes tossed here and there, the bed made and the moon shining into the room.

Carol set Sophia down on the bed, covering and she pulled the curtains back, so in the morning the sunlight didn't hit her eyes. She climbed into bed with Sophia and lied down. It took her a moment to fall asleep however.

–––

_"What do you mean, she got away?" Phillip roared at Ed. "You said you had this under control. Jesus Christ, Ed!"_

_"She had help," Ed growled. "You told me the bitch was in that hotel room alone."_

_"Well, it was a one-bed room, so I assumed she was alone!" Phillip glared. "And to top it off, you fucking shot the man! What the hell were you thinking?"_

_"That it would be Carol!"_

_Phillip took a deep breath. "All right. We'll wait until he's in the hospital, and I'll finish the job since you keep fucking up. Jesus, the bitch isn't even my wife, but with all this effort, she might as well be."_

_"She has **my** daughter, Phillip," Ed reminded him. "**Your** niece."_

_He sat down on the couch. "I'm doing all I can. I have a job, Ed."_

_"You're a detective, and you're looking into a kidnapping. How do you think Penny will feel when you tell her some stranger took here baby cousin?"_

_Phillip gave Ed a heated glare. "Don't tell me what **my** daughter will feel, you jackass. You're the one that beat Carol into leaving."_

_"She deserved that."_

_"I'll bet." Phillip stood up. "I'm only helping you to get my niece back, because family means a lot to me, but brother, when we find them, you can't pussy out on me. When we find them, she dies."_

_Ed smirked. "She dies."_

_Phillip checked his watch. "I have to pick up Penny from school. I'll check out her friend Karen and looked into her financials, see if she'd bought any tickets with her credit card or if her alarm system in her summer home has been set off or activated." He grabbed his keys. "I'll have it to you by Sunday."_

_"That's four days away," Ed complained._

_"And that's me rushing," Phillip shot back. "Get cleaned up, and give that gun to August."_

_"Your partner?"_

_Phillip nodded. "He'll know what to do with it."_

_Ed went upstairs and changed out of the clothes he wore when he attacked that ginger in Carol's hotel room the other day, and he set the gun on the counter. He took a shower and thought of what all to do to Carol when he got his hands on her. It was truly arousing._


	5. Love Runs Out

Beth and Sophia were at the piano when Carol came downstairs, Maggie was making breakfast, and the men were out "doing manly things". Carol wrapped her cardigan tighter as she stepped into the den, hearing Beth teaching Sophia _The Parting Glass_,and she smiled. She'd always wanted this for Sophia. This and so much more. They had a real chance of happiness here, and soon, **he** would be out of their lives.

"We found some clothes for her in the car." Maggie held out a plate to Carol. "And we're movin' the boxes outta that room and bringin' in the mattress from the guest bedroom for Sophia. You're welcome to stay as along as you want."

"Oh, thank you so much, but I'm not hun—"

"Mommy, look! I can almost play it!" Sophia ran up to her. "And Grandpa said we could go horseback riding later today too! I love it here!"

Carol looked from Sophia to Maggie, taking the plate. "Sophia likes scrambled eggs."

Maggie smirked. "Comin' right up."

"Once you're washed up, we're goin' into town to see Mama," Beth told her. "We're bringin' her flowers, and she'd love to meet Sophia."

"Yes, she would. That's a really good idea." Carol sat down at the table. "How does that sound, sweetheart?"

"Meeting Grandma?" Sophia grinned. "When we can leave?"

"After breakfast," Maggie called. "So eat. You're too skinny, and we're gonna fatten you up."

Carol blushed, having forgotten how much weight she'd lost since moving away. She ate her breakfast silently, and then after bathing and changing, they all went to the hospital to see Annette. Hershel went in first to see if she was up for this surprise. When he returned, he nodded, and Carol went in first.

Her mother looked so small, lying there under white sheets, but she looked beautiful and exactly the same as Carol remembered, just a little she really done this? Had she put her mom in the hospital? She never thought of her mother when she left. She missed her and her family every day, but she didn't expect her leaving to do this. Leaving? Running away was more accurate. Why was she so stupid? _God, look at her. Look what you did to her. _Carol's eyes burned and she took a deep breath.

––

"_What?" Carol exclaimed, shooting out of her seat, staring at her mother liked she'd just grown a second head. "I must've heard you wrong."_

_Annette frowned. "Carol, I'm marrying Hershel Greene. I told you—"_

"_You said you were getting close!" Carol snapped. "Not having orgasms and exchanging saliva together!"_

_Shawn groaned at the images Carol placed in his brain. _

"_Carol Suzanne—"_

"_Don't "Carol Suzanne" me! I'm not one who's screwing Dad's best friend!" Her eyes filled with tears. "How could you?"_

_Annette's heart ached at the sight of her little girl crying. Annette had lost her husband when Carol was twelve, and she took it the hardest. She'd always been close to her father, and Annette knew Hershel would be an excellent father to her kids as he was to his girls. He knew Carol adored him—Annette knew that too. She'd hoped that their past would show Carol that Hershel loved her like his own daughter and would do anything for her. She had hoped that past would ease this news, but it didn't. It add only made this so much worse._

_Sighing almost soundlessly, she tried to understand. She had a place for her beloved husband in her heart, and she would never forget him and what they had, but she had room in her heart for Hershel and his girls too. She loved Hershel deeply. He'd been there for her when it counted, and she was there for him through Josephine. They had grown closer, and then they fell in love. She was happy. If only Carol could see this happiness didn't mean she didn't love Ethan anymore. She would always love Ethan._

"_Ca—"_

"_Don't bother. I don't wanna hear of your disgusting betrayal." She grabbed her backpack and went to her room, slamming the door. She tossed her backpack on her bed and racked her hands through her hair then covered her face, sobbing._

_The mere thought of a another man replacing her dad was just **wrong.** No one could replace her dad, not even Hershel, who was a father figure in her life. She loved him very much, but she didn't want him as a father. She didn't want him to be the one to walk her down the aisle and gave her away at her wedding or be there to give her crappy advice or try and do the dance her father and she had made up when she was five for her wedding. He just couldn't. _

_Her door opened, and it was Shawn. He shut the door with his foot and hugged her tightly._

"_How could she?" Carol asked, voice muffled by his hoodie. _

"_How could she what?" _

"_How could she just replace Daddy? He hasn't been gone for that long, and that bitch decides to marry Hershel just because his wife died? That's crap!"_

"_Hey, hey, hey. No bitch and no justs." He pushed her back and set his hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes. "Dad died three years ago, kid, and Jo died almost two years ago. Hershel could never replace Dad—you know that as well as I do."_

"_Then why? Why propose? Why make us move into that farmhouse and change our names? It's not fair! I don't wanna be a Greene! I don't want sisters! I only need you and Mom."_

"_Thanks, kid." He hit her shoulder lightly, and she let out a small laugh at the brotherly gesture. "But—and I love you—but I want more sisters. I want to move into that farmhouse and have—well, my own bathroom, for one."_

_She looked at the door that led to their bathroom, only separated by a sheet. Their dad and Hershel had added another sink and mirror for Shawn, but they couldn't split the shower. Both Shawn and Carol had gotten the hog-the-hot-water gene from their dad._

"_And besides, we'll not only have a dad, but it's Hershel. Hershel! We love him, remember?" She stopped laughing then, and he wanted to shake her. "I know he's not Dad, and I miss Dad too, every day, but I think it's time, kid."_

_She sniffed. "It's not going to be that easy, Shawn. I don't want any of this." Fresh tears filled her eyes. "I want to stay. Daddy lived in this house with us, raised us in this house. Our height is craved into the door frame in the kitchen. How can we just leave all of that, Shawn?"_

"_Carol, his memory isn't in this house." He did shake her this time and hard. "Dad's memory lives within us, okay? You're still gonna be his little bookworm over at Hershel's and in college and in your marriage and old age and death! God, Carol, don't be selfish."_

"_I didn't hurt Mom. **She** hurt **me**." She crossed her arms. "If you need me, I'll be in eating my weight Oreos." She left the room and went to through his room to get to the kitchen, avoiding her mom. She grabbed her stuffed elephant that her dad had won her mom from her bed and sank down onto the floor, the Oreos beside her as she cuddled the elephant close and tried to see this from her mother's point of view._

––

_After two long weeks of not speaking to her mother, finding boxes piling up in the living room, and eating more and more fast food and pizza, Carol decided to stop being difficult and actually pack her belongings. She called Lori and Andrea to help, but Andrea had to babysit Amy, so it was just Lori. She texted her mom that she'd gotten one helper then turned her phone off. She was packing, and she didn't want her mom to text back. That was step one in acceptance phase. She'd gotten over denial and anger and depression over the past few weeks. She wasn't good a bargaining. She was had two steps to acceptance: 1) texting her mom and avoiding looking at her and 2) slowly returning to normal. Slowly._

"_I brought tape and pizza." Lori plopped down on Carol's bed, sitting the pizza down and tossing the tape into her box of messy bedsheets. "C'mon, eat. It's strictly veggies."_

"_And sausage?" Carol begged._

_Lori grinned. "And sausage."_

"_Feed me!" Carol dropped beside her, opening the box and grabbing a slice. "Mom hasn't bought food in two days. She's been so busy with the wedding and moving and helping Hershel get the rooms ready. I licked a cheeseburger wrapper for dinner." She almost shoved the slice into her mouth._

_Lori laughed. "Oh, please!"_

_Carol licked her lips. "Fine, I ate the cheeseburger too." _

"_So," Lori met her eyes, "are you excited?"_

"_For what?" She picked a bell pepper off her slice and ate it._

"_For Maggie and Beth to be your sisters!" Lori had her **duh!** face on. "I've always wanted sisters. I have you, but it's not the same."_

"_I would love to be your sister," Carol told her. "Is your dad single?"_

"_No. He's taking Mom on a second honeymoon in two weeks. Whoo, best summer ever!" She rolled her eyes and bit into her pizza. She swallowed and held a finger up. "If I end up pregnant, it's because they're crappy parents."_

_Carol rolled her eyes. "You? Pregnant? You don't even have a boyfriend."_

"_Who's your guy? Daryl?"_

"_Don't talk about him like that." Carol knew Lori was only teasing, but she was very protective of Daryl. She always had been. _

"_I'm serious. You'd be cute together. Red and black, blue and blue, tan and pale, happy and brooding."_

"_He does not brood!" Carol swatted her with a pillow._

"_Oh, he so does!" She laughed._

_A knock on Carol's bedroom door stopped her from beating Lori with the pillow, and Carol turned her head to find Maggie standing there with Annette's keys. Maggie was a year younger than Carol, her hair was short and appeared to be wet, and she was wearing the matching shirts Annette bought them when she forced Carol and Maggie and Beth to do "family bonding". They were all close, but being sisters was different. They were all so different, and those differences really stuck out now. It was uncomfortable to be around them too. So why was she here?_

"_Hey." She smiled. "I came by to help. Daddy dropped me off."_

"_Hungry?" Lori gestured to the pizza, standing up and wiping her hands on her jeans. "Help yourself. I'm gonna pack your clothes, okay, Carol?"_

"_Yeah, sure." Carol wasn't hungry anymore. _

"_I'm not hungry," Maggie said. "I'll just...get your suitcases. Mom said they were in the hall closet?"_

"_Mom?" Carol frowned, staring at her._

"_Annette." Maggie laughed uncomfortably. "She wanted me to start callin' her that, just tryin' it out." She disappeared down the hall, head down as she walked away._

_A pillow smacked Carol in the face, sending her off the bed and onto the floor. She looked up at Lori and glared. "What?" She tossed the pillow into a box. "I'm cleaning out the bitchy."_

"_Ha ha." Carol stood up. _

"_Hey, Maggie, gimme one of those please." Lori took one of the two suitcases and unzipped. "Oh, God!" She grabbed the Lysol and attacked the suitcase with it. "Gahh!" She dropped the practically empty can into the pile of stuffed animals. "This was Shawn's, wasn't it?"_

_Carol nodded, closing the box of pizza._

"_The human body can make foul smells." She shuddered and took the other suitcase, slowly opening it._

"_It's mine, Lor." Carol smiled and grabbed the box of bubble-wrapped pictures, adding in the small stuffed animals and closing it. She grabbed a marker and wrote pictures on it._

"_What do you want me to do?" Maggie asked._

"_Empty that bookshelf," Lori suggested, pointing to the one beside her. _

_Carol glanced at her as they all got to work, and she hated the idea of being in the same house with someone who wore that stupid shirt. God, it was ridiculous. Was she kissing ass or what? Jeez. Carol tried not to think about it as she set the rest of her stuffed animals in a bucket to be donated. She was going to be fourteen in a month, and she didn't need all of these. Only the elephant and the pig. The rest could go._

"_I need music." Lori dug her phone out of her pocket and flipped through her playlist. "Any objections to Onerepublic?"_

_Maggie shrugged, and Carol shook her head, placing another toy in the bucket, and the room filled with Onerepublic's _Love Runs Out_. It didn't make them want to get up and dance with the tension between Maggie and Carol, but it took the edge off the tension._

_**Ooh, we all want the same thing.**_

_**Ooh, we all run for something.**_

_**Oh for God, for fate,**_

_**For love, for hate,**_

_**For gold, and rust,**_

_**For diamonds, and dust.**_

"_Do you listen to them a lot?" Maggie asked Lori._

"_They're all right when I'm stretch before a jog," Lori replied._

"_Stretching?" Carol snorted a laugh. "You mean sitting in your living room and attempting to do a plank?" She turned to Maggie. "Her version of a plank is sitting on her stomach and trying to vacuum in a gummy bear."_

_Maggie laughed._

"_I do a plank when I'm eating them," Lori reminded her. _

"_Okay, then I do a plank every day. Only Oreos are my victory. I love them with milk. Or coffee." She paused. "And on cheesecake and ice cream."_

"_And with cake," Lori added. "And pie and steak."_

"_What?" Maggie groaned in disgust._

"_I do not!" Carol threw a hippo at her. "The steak part, at least."_

"_I saw you," Lori challenged._

"_On a dare! Shawn dared me, and I was ten. I was very easily goaded into things."_

"_Still are," Lori muttered._

"_Shut up or I'm leaving one of Shawn's gym socks in your locker."_

"_Oh, I dare you."_

"_Do you really wanna?"_

"_I think I do." She arched a brow. "But I'll retaliate, and I play dirty."_

_Carol pursed her lips then stood up. "We need to hurry. We're supposed to be outta here by this Friday, and my closet hasn't even been opened!"_

_Lori winked at Maggie, and Maggie smiled a little, setting CDs in the box in front of her. They listened to the playlist on Lori's phone for three hours while packing up Carol's room. They made little jokes here and there, Maggie was starting to get to know Carol a little and she saw Lori and Carol were really close. She wondered if that would ever happen with them. They were both distant since the news, both pissed at their parent and at each other and themselves for not seeing it. How did they not see it? It was so obvious._

_They were supposed to be out of the house by Friday, but Annette wanted Carol moved in or out by Thursday afternoon. She had all of the time in the world, but Annette was adamant. Carol wouldn't disrespect her mother **that** much, so she agreed. She was staying tonight. **Her last night**. Lori was staying with her too, and hopefully Andrea. They were gonna sleep on the floor with blankets and pillows, eat whatever was eatable in the kitchen and just say goodbye. They all practically grew up here, so they had goodbyes too. _

_Carol was bitter that all Shawn did was slap the top of the door on his way out. He was enjoying his new room already, helping Mom with the wedding arrangements, but Carol just couldn't help or be around her. She hoped her room wasn't close to their room. She would sleep in the barn if it was. She wasn't used to them being together, and she didn't like it either. She just wanted things to go back. She wanted her father back. _

"_**Baby you a song! You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise!**" Lori was on her feet, dancing and singing loudly. "**Hey, baby!**"_

"_Oh, God, no." Carol covered her ears and tried crawling under her bed._

"_What is she doing?" Maggie asked, crawling over to the bed. _

"_Killing whales," Carol replied. "Killing rabbits. Killing squirrels. Killing us, Lori!"_

_Lori laughed, but ignored her. "**Thought, 'Oh, good lord, she had them long tanned legs'. Couldn't help myself so I walked up and said baby you a song.**"_

"_Here." Carol dug out the earplugs she'd stuffed under here to block out Shawn. "Quickly, before she gets into it."_

_Maggie laughed as she put the earplugs in, and Carol cringed, crawling out beside Maggie. They sat with their arms on Carol's bed and watched Lori. They fell back laughing at her—swinging her hips, waving her arms in some strange motion in her jean shorts, tank top and bare feet with those loose pigtails. It was too funny. They couldn't take it, and they rolled toward each other, covering their mouths and when they saw each others red faces and teary eyes, they lost it again._

_They couldn't breathe, their chest were aching, lungs screaming for lungs. They were past laughing, and they weren't even making noises. They were squeaking, and Lori grabbing scarfs to add to her dance didn't help. They were going to die right then and there, and Lori was having too much fun to even notice. Their lungs couldn't take much more, but good Lord, that dance! That face! It was too much._

_Lori dropped on the bed before the last verse and busted out laughing herself as Maggie and Carol struggled to breathe. They were all settling down as the next song played, Carol wiped the tears from her eyes, discovering one of the earplugs had fallen out, and Maggie removed the earplugs._

_Lori rolled over and looked at them. "And?"_

"_God don't ever do that again." Maggie climbed to her feet. _

"_Amen." Carol took the hand Maggie held out and tugged out the earplug that didn't fall out. "I love you, but I love my ears more."_

"_Thank you. You're both bitches." She was laughing though. "C'mon, we've got a closet to tackle."_

_Maggie and Carol locked eyes and lunged for her phone, taking the battery out and running out of the room._

_That's sisterly bonding. "Hey!" Lori ran after them. "That phone cost more than your lives! Get back here!"_

"_Run!" Carol opened the back door, and they ran out into the backyard. Carol grabbed her hand and led her back to the front door while Lori searched the backyard. They locked her out of the house and laughed when she caught on, high fiving._

––

_Shawn moved the last of Carol's boxes into the bed of Otis's truck while she and Maggie stood in the massive and very empty living room. It was Thursday afternoon. Right on time. They had cake tasting with Annette and Beth after this. Originally, Beth and Patricia were gonna set up Carol's room, but Carol didn't want them to. She wasn't sure how she wanted it to look just yet, so she would do that herself. _

"_The last one." Shawn shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. _

_Maggie looked over at him from where she at on the windowsill. "What time is it?"_

"_Almost one. Mom's waiting, kid."_

"_The last one," Carol whispered then looked at him. "Do we still have tomorrow night?"_

"_Yeah. We're takin' that frame," he assured her._

"_It'll go across from Beth's and mine," Maggie told her. "Is that okay?"_

"_Yeah. That's great." She smiled a little then turned and stepped out the front door. "I'll turn my key in tomorrow night, okay?"_

"_Sure. I doubt Mr. Morales will mind."_

_Shawn got in the truck with Otis to help him unpack when they got back home, and Maggie and Carol walked to the cake shop since it wasn't too far away. It was this cute little place. It was a shame it was going to be sold, but that's business. Someone's gonna make it into a great cafè or something._

_Inside the shop, Beth was holding Annette's hand, looking at the designs and smiling. She pointed Carol and Maggie out when they entered. Annette looked over, and she released Beth's hand as Carol walked into her hug, squeezing her tightly, holding back the tears._

"_I love you," Carol said softly, finally understanding why. Andrea didn't make the sleepover, but Maggie had."And I'm so sorry for being so horrible."_

_She smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'll love you no matter what you do, no matter how horrible. Unless it's murder. That's where I draw the line."_

_She laughed. "Okay. Good." She stepped back. "Let's get some cake. It smells so good."_

"_All right. I'll go get Jacqui."_

_Carol stood there and felt a hand wiggle into hers. She looked down at Beth, who was holding both her hand and Maggie's. Carol and Maggie exchanged a glance then smiled a little, both giving silent apologizes about their behavior since they hadn't brought it up last night. They were, after all, sisters-to-be._

– – –

Annette looked up when Carol enter, and her eyes filled with tears. "Carol?"

"Mom." Carol hugged her. "It's so good to see you! I missed you so much!" She kissed her cheek and looked her over. "You look beautiful."

"You look beautiful." She smiled widely. She couldn't believe it. She'd always dreamed of this moment after the first two years, and she never thought it would be like. She was glad it was, because it was happening. Her little girl was home! "You're so grown up. And skinny! Did you starve yourself?"

Carol forced a laugh. "No, it's just been a while, and I want to tell you everything, but there's someone who wants to meet you first."

"Has Daryl finally gotten off his rump to see me?"

Carol shook her head. "She's a bit younger and you'd call her...granddaughter. Sophia, c'mere, honey." Sophia shyly walked in, and Annette pushed herself into a sitting position. Sophia climbed onto her mom's lap and looked Annette over, smiling. "This is Sophia, my daughter."

"Hi," Sophia said.

"Hello." Annette looked at Carol. "I thought you... I don't even care. Come here." She held her arms out, and Sophia was pulled into the tightest hug. "Thank God for this little miracle."

Carol averted her eyes, Sophia struggled to breathe, and that's the moment the others chose to come inside. Annette wanted to know everything, Carol told her as much as she could, not really answering her questions, but luckily telling her Sophia's dad was dead got her off Carol's back. They managed to have a really good time, and it felt really fantastic to be with her family again without the worry of Ed striking her and leaving a mark for her to explain to them. It made Carol feel better about staying in town for a while. Ed didn't even know about them, so she was fine. And Daddy had a shotgun, and he knew how to shoot quite well. He doesn't like to shoot, but shooting the man who abused his daughter was the only exception.

When they left, Hershel and Shawn stayed back to keep her company and to give the girls a chance to have a day out. It was a sweet gesture, and since Beth had to get a haircut, Maggie suggest Carol dye her hair back to the color it's supposed to be.

"Why did you dye your hair?" Beth asked, carrying Sophia on her back. "Your hair was so pretty."

"Oh, I just...needed a change."

Maggie opened the door, Beth placed Sophia down in a chair and went to her stylist. Carol and Maggie took a seat, and Sophia looked over all the shampoos. Maggie crossed her legs and flipped through a magazine, pausing only when Sophia naming off favorite colors to some other little girl.

"That reminds me. I coulda sworn when I saw you last night, your eyes were brown."

Carol laughed lightly. "Brown? No, they're the same gray-blue as always."

Maggie pursed her lips. "It was getting dark..."

Carol decided to get her hair done after all. She had it dyed to almost the same color, leaving it in the same length, wanting it to grow longer. And when the stylist was finished, it suited her. Her hair was going to curl in the morning, but she didn't care. It looked good, and she felt like her old self.

"I like it," Maggie told both Carol and Beth.

"It looks really good, Mommy." Sophia liked it. It reminded her more of her mom than her other hair. She couldn't tell what Beth had done. It looked the same. "Yours too, Auntie Beth!"

"Since we're getting our hair done, why not get a new outfit too?" Beth suggested.

"Fine, but you're paying," Maggie replied.

"Lucky me."

They went shopping, Sophia had never gone shopping since Ed usually brought home clothes that fit her, so it was new to her. Beth found some really cute clothes for her, and Sophia wasn't used to all the colors and styles, so she went a little nuts. Beth promised to keep an eye on her while Carol and Maggie looked over clothes.

Carol hadn't gotten the choice of bright color shirts and skirts in years. She was overwhelmed. She wasn't sure what even looked good on her, so she picked up a shirt and asked Maggie for her opinion when Maggie asked her something...else.

"Do you think this would look good on me?" Carol asked the same time Maggie asked, "Are you gonna see Daryl?"

Carol lowered the shirt. "I knew it'd be you who brought him up." She set the shirt back and crossed her arms. "I don't know yet."

"If you do, let me know. I'll go with you."

"I'm the older sister," Carol reminded her.

"Well, I've gotten used to the role these past five years."

"Is your revenge guilt tripping me?"

"Yeah, it is."

Carol smiled. "Help me pick an outfit."

"That's Beth's department, but sure. I'll help."

At the end of the shopping trip, Sophia got two new outfits that Beth brought, Carol got an outfit, Maggie bought a pair boots, and Beth bought a necklace. Maggie suggested they return home, Sophia didn't want their day to end, but Beth assured her they'd have plenty of time to do this. Carol nodded at Sophia, confirming what Beth said silently, and Sophia smiled. She liked having a big family. She just wished Uncle Shawn liked her.

As Carol and Sophia got ready for bed that night, Carol noticed how quiet Sophia was. She hadn't said much at dinner or since they got back from riding horses with Beth and Hershel. She knew it had to do with Shawn's comments. Sophia was used to being called by her name, even by Ed, and for Shawn to yell, "Hey, you" at her really upset her. She needed to talk to Shawn, and then Shawn needed to talk to Sophia.

Carol flicked the bathroom light off and sat down on Sophia's bed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She tugged her sock up.

"Don't lie to me."

She sighed. "Uncle Shawn hates me."

"What?"

"He does. I saw it in his face at dinner."

"Honey, Shawn doesn't hate you. He hates me, but never you."

"Then why does he ignore me?" Her eyes were filling. "I tried talking to him, but all he did was look away. What did I do? How do I make it right?"

"Sophia, you don't have to do anything." Carol smiled affectionately at her. "Shawn will come around. His anger at me is making him be very hurtful to you. I'm gonna talk to him."

"He doesn't hate me?"

"No, of course not."

She sniffed and nodded. "I liked the horses."

She smiled. "Did you?"

"Ours was really pretty. Can we do that tomorrow too?"

"Maybe. It depends on the weather. We may have to do it some other day.

"So...we're staying?"

"Why not? We're home."

She smiled and hugged her mom. "I love you, Mommy!"

"I love you too." She squeezed her. "Now, get into bed. It's really late, and we have a lot to do. Grandpa's gonna show you how to do farm work."

"Can I help with animals?"

"And so much more." Carol tapped her nose with her index finger. "Good night, Angel."

Sophia giggled. "Night, Mommy."

Carol moved onto her own bed, and she gazed out the window, hearing Sophia's hushed prayers. Carol closed her eyes, saying a small prayer of her own. She enjoyed the sound of the outdoors lulling her into a deep sleep.

––

Carol walked the farm alone, her boots crunching on sticks, the warm breezing blowing over, knocking her jacket around. Sophia was with Hershel and Beth, and she knew Maggie was probably at the cafe with Jacqui, just to check in on things. Shawn was tending to the horses right now. Carol headed to the stable. They needed to talk or fight. Either way, Sophia would know one way or another how Shawn felt about her.

"Hey." She approached him.

He said nothing, just continued to saddle a horse.

"Fine, I don't need you to talk, just to listen." She crossed her arms. "Sophia, your niece, thinks you hate her. It's upsetting her, Shawn. I know you don't hate her, and you're pissed at me, so just be pissed at me. I can take it, but she's a little girl. All she wants is a family."

Shawn paused in saddling Nelly, glancing briefly at her.

"Just talk to her and let her know you're mad at me. She really wants to get to know you. She...she has your scowl," she tossed in. "And her nose crinkles like yours does when you smell something really—"

"How could you?" Shawn turned.

"How could I what?" Carol frowned.

"After Daryl and what you went through... You just moved on and had a baby with a stranger? I thought you were better than that, but I guess I was wrong."

"I only slept with one guy after Daryl," Carol hissed. "He helped me around campus and with schoolwork, and I thought I was in love with him. We were married, Shawn!"

"You got married?" He scoffed. "Anything else you want to tell me?"

"My pregnancy was unplanned. I was on the pill, and we used protection, but...maybe I forgot or maybe it was meant to be, but I got pregnant. I don't regret it. Sophia is happy and healthy and so loved and loving! I'm not going to wish that way!" She shook her head. "Daryl and I are in the past, and you need to get over it! You weren't in that relationship, only Daryl and I were!`"

"He was my friend, Carol! You screwed him up and just left the broken pieces all over town! How can I try and love that little girl when I don't know that you're staying for good? I lost you last time, and I am not about lose _you and her_ the next time you have "issues"!"

"I am staying. Sophia's happy here, and so I am. I have roots here."

"Yeah, you do." He stroked Nelly's snout. "Go and see Daryl, and I promise you that little girl and I will be best friends."

She scoffed. "Really, Shawn?"

"It's incentive."

"Bite me, you ass."

"There's an image."

She smirked. "Fine, I'll go after lunch."

"All I'm asking."

She turned on her heel, and he called to her. "What?"

"Little munchkin's adorable. Looks just like you."

She smiled. "Tell her that."

"After I hear how Daryl took your return." Shawn watched her leave, and he shook his head. He wanted to get to know Sophia, but he promised Daryl that if Carol ever came back, he would try and get her to see him just once. Shawn assumed it was for closure. Carol loved Sophia more than enough to visit him. Hopefully, it didn't end poorly.


	6. Where The Lines Overlap

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

"Where are we going?" Sophia asked her mom for the umpteenth time. "It's raining. I hate thunder, Mommy."

"I know, baby. We'll be there soon, I promise." Carol wanted this over, but God was she scared shitless. She knew she had wronged him, and there was probably **nothing** she could do to make it right. Her reason was really good, but Daryl probably wouldn't see it as good enough. She had to leave him. They were falling apart, not further in love. It was a horrible marriage, and she never would've had her beautiful daughter. If Daryl ever wanted the life they were planning, he couldn't be mad at Sophia's existence. If he was...there would be so many problems. He was the only mechanic in town she trusted to not rip her off, and they would meet a lot because Carol always had car problems, and if he said anything about her daughter, she would kill him. She might actually have to kill him.

Carol looked over the houses on the street where Shawn said Daryl lived, and her heart was racing. He still lived in the house he worked his ass off to pay for after they were engaged. It was the same dull shade of yellow. They were going to repaint, but they got so busy, and then everything went to shit. He still had the little ugly lawn gnome that was left by the previous owners.

She parked in the driveway, his truck was probably in the garage. She wondered if he still had that motorcycle she never approved of. It was Merle's, but still, he rode it more than Merle did. He was even going to take her to graduation on it, but Dad didn't approve. It was a good thing too, because she would've thrown up on him.

_Oh, God._ If it was possible, she could feel the sweat seeping through her skin. She was scared, but happy. She'd missed him so much. There were no words to describe how much she had missed him. She wanted to see him, hug him and ask him how his life was. She knew it wasn't going well, because why else would Shawn demand she go see him? Shawn only demanded when someone was going to get pissed. God, she was so nervous. The last time she saw Daryl, he was sleeping beside her. She'd made his favorite dinner, tried to make everything seem normal then she made love to him and in the morning, she left before he woke up. She never got over that. She still felt those same rush of emotions—a rush of confusion and hesitation. She wanted to run—far away from here. She'd done enough running. It was time to come clean. She had to. He had to know why she left.

"Mommy?" Sophia poked her mom over and over, not getting her attention. She could see the fear in her mom's eyes and she wondered who was inside. It was a pretty house, but she hated the color yellow for houses. Their hold house was yellow too. Blue or green would look better. "Hey, Mommy, do you know somebody here?"

Carol still said nothing, feeling paralyzed with fear and self-disgust.

Sophia kicked the back of her seat. "**Mommy**!"

"What?" Carol jolted. "Right. We need to go inside." She slowly undid her seat belt and opened her car door, praying somehow it would get stuck or she could find her vagina and just do it. She helped Sophia out, and Carol walked oh-so-so-so slowly to the door while Sophia twitched at her speed.

"Oh, not this again. Yeesh." Sophia marched over to the door and knocked.

"No!" Carol hissed softly. "Sophia, stop!" She ran over to door to stop her, but it was too late. She heard movement inside, and she swallowed hard. Her eyes were glued to the door, her body was frozen solid, but her heart was running a marathon with the intention to win. Sophia calmly rocked back and forth on her heels, waiting.

But he didn't come to the door right away. There was either a hesitation or he really didn't want company.

"Is everyone moving super slow today?" She knocked again.

The door opened, Sophia jumped back, gasping at the sudden movement, and Carol felt like melting into a puddle on the ground, because there he was, Daryl Dixon. His shaggy brown hair was longer, covering smoldering blue eyes, his rounded nose that fit his face perfectly, the mole on the left side on his lower cheek and his lips were dry. He still had that stubble. He looked as handsome as ever, wearing a black sweater with holes on the side, revealing a gray undershirt, and he also had on ripped black jeans with no shoes. He was home though, so shoes didn't matter. He had the same rich earth scent, only now with a faint cigarette scent.

Daryl stared, feeling his skin behind to crawl, and he narrowed his eyes. It was **her**. The woman who he met when they were both just kids who rode a bus and who he was stuck working school assignments with since neither of them spoke up to get different partner; the woman he fell in love with, married and who ran away in the middle of the night, Carol Suzanne Greene. She looked the same, tanner perhaps. Her hair was a different shade of red, most likely dyed, but her green-blue eyes were as he remembered, the soft curvature of her lips still beckoning him in, and her body... She was taller, had more curves... She'd grown up, but she too goddamn skinny. He didn't want to care, but he did. He probably always would, no matter what she did to him. He still cared for Merle and that asshole always left.

And then he notice the mini-Carol. She couldn't be older than six, but not young enough to under age three. She has the same red hair as Carol, the same light skin and face even. Her eyes were different than Carol's, but everything else screamed:_**Carol Greene!**_at him. How the fuck was that possible? It didn't make any sense. Carol was barren. Or perhaps that was another fucking lie. Just great. What the hell brought her here after all this time? Again, he wanted to know, because he still cared. Why the hell did he care?

"Can we come in?" Sophia asked, smiling. "It's really cold, and the rain makes me thirsty."

He moved aside, not having a problem with the small fry. "Look who's back." She tried to walk by to at least avoid the rain, but he grabbed her by her forearm and closed the door with his foot, pulling her almost right up against him. "Why are you here?" he growled.

"To make amends."

"Oh, this'll be good." He released her.

"Do you have any juice?" Sophia was looking at the pictures on the wall.

"Check the fridge. Help yourself."

"Thank you," Carol said.

He said nothing.

"Thanks!" Sophia smiled warmly at him then went into the kitchen.

"You're welcome," he called back, looking at Carol with cold yet fiery eyes.

"Well, you have grown, but not up."

"You don't got the right to be pissy!" he softly hissed. "I do. I've earned it after five years."

"Yes, you have." She nodded. "I'm so sorry."

"Is this it? You came to tell me _that_?" He scoffed. "Well, that ain't enough."

"Then tell me what is? I'll tell you anything. I'll do anything to make up for what I did to you." She really didn't want to be the one to bring it up. She couldn't be the one to bring it up.

"You came to my house after four goddamn years of nothin', bring some little girl who is obviously your kid after you done told me and everybody else you couldn't have kids, and now you want me to drag the past up so you don't have to?" He shook his head. "You're a piece of work, lady."

"Let's discuss this like adults," she offered. "Do you have TV upstairs? Sophia doesn't need to hear this."

"Then why bring her? You tryin' make me feel guilty? Dial down the language? What?" He searched her eyes then tensed. His mind went completely blank, and he felt a little queasy. What the hell was happening right now? **Was** this happening? Was he just dreaming? Damn, he hoped he was dreaming. This couldn't be... She couldn't be... "Is...is she mine?"

Carol averted her eyes.

"Shit, Carol, tell me. Is she mine?"

"Sophia, honey, c'mere." Carol grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, finding cartoons for her to watch. "Stay here, okay? I'll be right back." She pointed upstairs with her thumb, and Daryl scoffed, but he went upstairs, and Carol followed.

He walked into the guest bedroom—well the old guest bedroom. It was his bedroom now. Carol noticed all of the changes in here. It was still the same color, but the carpet was gone, the curtains, the dressers and everything else he and Carol had put in here. He'd stripped it clean of anything to do with her. She didn't want to see their old bedroom. She was scared to see what he'd done to the rest of house.

She closed the door and took a deep breath, and Daryl was pacing back and forth. She was nervous. She didn't like when he paced. It made her stomach turn, and she had to stop herself from knotting her fingers.

"Daryl, I wish you would stop."

He didn't know how to feel anymore. He was trying to adjust to her being on his doorstep then in his living room, and now he may have a child. Nothing made sense. He kept thinking back, and it was all so disorienting. He was terrified, but felt a small flicker of light, of hope. He faced her. "Is she—my daughter?"

"I don't know."

He stared. "You don't know? You don't know!"

"Things sort of...overlapped. I know sometime within the week that I left and arrived, I got pregnant, but I don't know by who."

"How do you go from miscarrying our son to having an I-don't-know-who-the-father-is daughter?!"

She wrapped her arms around herself. "Please don't bring that up."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because it's painful, Daryl!" she shouted. "I was carrying him for nine months, and the day that was supposed to mean so much only hurts so much!"

"Well, unlike you, I embrace the pain! A hell of a lot came with you," he seethed.

She dropped her eyes. "I can't. That was the worst day of my life, and every year his birthday still comes, and I can't breathe or—or function, so please don't."

"Please? Don't? You're askin' me for a lot of favors after you left and may have had _my_ kid. Tsk."

"She may not be yours," she snapped back, getting angry. "I don't know if you are or aren't her father, so don't go and assume you are!"

"Who else?"

"Who else what?"

"Who else might be her dad, Carol? How many guys did you screw? Do I needa make a list?"

"The entire college. I thought it would be fun, you know? Who needs degrees, I can easily get STDs!" She glared. "You're such a dick."

"Well, it seems you like that."

Oh, that was it! "I've only been with **two** men, Daryl!" she snapped. "You and Ed were the only two men I've ever slept with! It wasn't on purpose the first time! I was lonely and scared and I—I really, really missed you. Leaving this town wasn't my plan." Her voice gradually got smaller. "I wanted to stay and be with you, despite how much I wanted to go to college and become someone great, but after we lost him...everything changed." She wiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks. "You changed, and so did I."

He sat down on the bed, locking his hands behind his head.

"Only you got better and started doing really well with the garage. I felt left behind, but mostly, I felt like I was dragging you down. I left so you could have a real chance, and so that I didn't have to see the looks everyone gave me."

"If you wanted a fresh start, we coulda left." He lifted his head, dropping his hands, feeling very vulnerable. Like a damn pussy. "We coulda gone away and got a new life."

"I couldn't ask you to leave, Daryl. You have friends here, a good job making good money and your brother's here. I know how much you love him, and I couldn't ask you to leave for me."

"That shoulda been my decision, Carol." He stood up. "To go or to stay, it shoulda been _our_ choice."

She shook her head. "I couldn't be a burden to you anymore. You deserved better."

"And look where it got me." He stood so they were shoulder to shoulder, his lungs burning as his anger seared, his breath came out harsh. "Say his name."

"What?" She frowned.

"Say. His. Name." His eyes burned into hers. "You didn't want him brought up and you called him "him" like if you don't say his name, it didn't happen. It did, it happened, so say his name."

She dropped her eyes and squeezed them shut. She couldn't. Even his name, those five letters, choked her. She couldn't.

"Just go. I don't want you here. Or your kid." He threw a gesture toward the door. "Get out."

She took a deep breath, but her emotions were overwhelming her. She left his bedroom, and she went to the bathroom and closed the door, leaning against it, trying to even her shaky breathing. She saw it'd changed too. His clothes were thrown about, combs littered the floor and the light wasn't even working. There was only some nightlight thing clipped into the wall. Despite all of that, she could see her reflection perfectly clear in the mirror across from her, and she looked down, setting a hand on her stomach. The last time she was to able to look in that mirror, she was pregnant with their son.

She collapsed, sobbing. She covered her mouth with her hands, muffling the loud sobs that tore through her. She hadn't thought about him in so long. She just kept pushing herself forward, trying to escape the past, but it finally caught up to her, and it wasn't going to let go. Ethan. Her baby boy who didn't make it. Ethan Dixon.

Daryl sat on the opposite side of the bathroom door, hearing Carol's sobs, and his chest felt heavy. He was going to drag her out and make her leave. He was so used to being cold and distant with people that he'd forgotten what it was like when he cared. To say he hated Carol would be an utter lie. He'd always loved Carol, and always thought because of who he was, he'd driven her away, but now he understood it now. Before, he refused to look at her side, only his, but now he understood. However, no matter how he cared for her, he wasn't going to let her just walk in and snatch his forgiveness. She would have to work for it if she really wanted his forgiveness. He would try and forgive her. He really would, but there was so much she'd done that cut him deep.

He used to think about what she did over and over to try and make himself hate her, to make it so much easier to wake up in the morning, but it never worked. Not even when she got distant after they lost Ethan and then tore up the nursery and crib that they'd worked so hard on. She would drink and cry and talk to no one, not even him when he asked how she was. And when she did talk, she would lash out, but mostly to herself. He knew she didn't want to hurt him, but in the end, all of the words didn't matter. Her words stayed, but she didn't. She left him all alone, just like everyone else in his life, after she vowed to never leave him, to always love him and stand by him. They were such fools, especially him because he bought her bullshit. He thought they would be together for a long time. Yeah, that worked out well.

He looked over when something shattered. He climbed to his feet and went downstairs, finding Sophia in the kitchen with grape juice and blood running down her leg. He kicked the pieces of glass aside while she apologized, trying not to cry.

"It's okay." He picked her up and set her on the counter. "It's just a glass." He grabbed a remotely clean washcloth and wet it. He began gently wiping off the blood. "You okay?"

"Yes."

He noticed small scars on her legs. "Clumsy, ain't you?"

"I'm so sorry."

"It's just a stupid glass," he assured her. "Got plenty more." If he bought them.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." He finished wiping off the blood. "What, am I scary or somethin'?"

She looked up at him very closely, wanting to remember the face of the man who made her mommy so nervous in a good way for once. "No." She reached up without a pause and touched his stubble, smiling a little. "Does it get itchy?"

He just looked at her. He hadn't flinched when she touched him. He wasn't even tense. Why? No matter who touched him, even Carol, he flinched. How could this little girl be an exception? _Was_ she his daughter? If she was, he'd missed almost five years, and if he pushed Carol away, he would also be pushing away his only chance to make up for lost time. He couldn't just ask her to do a DNA test, not outright—even if she owed him that. Carol was probably trying to raise Sophia by herself. If they became friends, maybe. Or maybe Carol's changed, and he should just ask her. He had to know either way. He wouldn't be the absent father. He wanted to prove—mainly to himself—that he was good enough to be a father, to be a good father.

Daryl looked over and saw Carol watching him, Sophia turned and smiled at her mom, and Carol joined them, hoping Sophia wouldn't notice her eyes.

"What happened?" Carol looked down at the puddle of grape juice. "Did she break something?"

"I dropped a glass." Sophia bit her bottom lip, still feeling bad.

"Oh, Daryl, I'm sorry." Carol picked Sophia up. "I'll pay you back."

"Woman, it was a glass. Just let it go." He tossed the rag into the sink.

"All right, we'll just be going. It's getting late, and I have a lot to do tomorrow."

"Like what?" Sophia asked.

"Like find a job," Carol answered, walking toward the door. "That's how Mommy pays for things."

"You need a job?" Daryl stepped closer.

"Yeah." She turned to him slightly. "I'll need to buy a place eventually and then get Sophia settled into a preschool. I'll need to find a babysitter, but my dad might be able to do that most days." Why was she telling him this? "So...yeah. Umm, it was...nice...seeing you again. Goodbye, Daryl."

"Uhh, I gotta job for you." He held his arms out, and she looked around. "This house needs cleaned up—new doors, new kitchen supplies, new paint, even some new windows. I don't have time right now. The shop and all."

"Are you serious?" She faced him. "Why do you want it fixed up?"

"I wanna sell."

Her heart dropped. "S—sell?"

"It's too big for me." He shrugged. "I'll help when I can too. I ain't gonna leave it all up to you."

She refused to let him sell this house. It was their house, even if they weren't together. They had a lot of good memories here, and they outweighed the bad. She wasn't going to let someone else move in here and ruin those happy times. There was no way in hell. _If you fix it up nice enough, maybe he'll want to keep it_, a voice in her head told her. She had to try, and she loved this type of thing. She also wanted to see what he'd done to the house these past five years and clean up any mess he may have made. "I'd love to. When do you want me here?"

"Don't matter."

"Flexible hours too." She smiled at him. "I'll come by, take some pictures and we'll discuss what needs to be done over lunch. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah." He was glad she agreed, probably a little more than he should've been. He couldn't deny that Carol being back made him feel—something for the first time in a long time. His feelings weren't good, but at least he had a chance now to have it out with her. She needed to hear his side, and tomorrow, she would.

"Can I help?" Sophia was looking at Daryl.

"It's up to your mama."

"Sure. We'll plant a garden. You love getting your hands dirty, don't you?"

"Yeah!"

Carol laughed. "Let's get home before the rain gets worse."

"Uh, hold on." He walked by her and opened the door. "See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." She nodded. They had a chance to...talk this way. Without Sophia breaking something or hearing their history, of course. That was something she never wanted Sophia to know. For as long as Sophia would buy it, Daryl was an old friend.

"Bye, Daryl." Sophia waved.

Carol glanced back at the house. This wasn't over. Daryl didn't go off, because Sophia was there, and he was probably pissed or confused. When she came by next, it was going to be painful for both of them. Her heart was already tightening in her chest._ Daryl._

He watched them leave then closed the door. _Sell? What the hell?_ He wasn't selling this house. He probably just pissed her off. He needed to get in good with her to find out if Sophia was his, and if he was being honest, he **wanted** to be _something_ to her. She was the only person who ever considered his feelings, who made him a better man... Well, until _that_ night. Perhaps with this, he'd be able to forgive her and himself. He couldn't hold onto his anger, otherwise he'd turn out just like his father. No way in hell was he letting that happen. He didn't let it happen then, and he wasn't letting it happen now.

Besides, he had to know what the hell happened to her. That phone call. The man yelling. Ed. What did she get into? Was she still running? From what and who? Huh, he could barely remember a time when Carol wasn't running.

– – –

_That late Friday night when it was too cold for this shit, Daryl met Carol at her childhood home. She had been waiting outside for him, wearing her jean jacket and a dress. He thought she was stupid. Why in the hell would any girl wear a damn dress in this weather? Her freaking jacket covered most of it, so why?_

"_You came." She smiled at him, one of her curls falling in her face. "I'm so glad."_

"_You didn't tell me much. What's up?"_

"_My mom's getting married," she told him, swinging her leg, "to Hershel Greene."_

"_Congrats?"_

"_Don't." She slid off the rail. "I don't want congratulations. I just wanna say goodbye to my childhood home with my best friend. Is that too much to ask?"_

"_Sure. Where's this friend?"_

"_Daryl." She nudged him, almost laughing, and he chuckled a little._

"_Fine, let's do this."_

_She took his hand and laced her fingers through his. She led him inside. It was really and unnecessarily dark, but Carol didn't want to turn any lights on. The moonlight was spilling in front the window, and it made her feel so sad. She could see her and Shawn as kids running through the house._

–

"_**Shawn, stop it!" she shouted, running into her bedroom while he chased with a water gun. "Stop!"**_

"_**Look out!"**_

_**Dad walked in at all the screaming and got squirted, Carol covered her mouth with her hand, wanting to laugh at how much trouble Shawn was going to get in, because there was prune juice in the gun, and that was their dad's favorite shirt.**_

_**Shawn visibly paled.**_

"_**Shawn Tanner," Dad began, walking toward him, but instead of yelling, he grabbed the gun and attacked Shawn. "You're next, little bookworm."**_

"_**Daddy, no!" Carol bolted.**_

"_**Go left," Shawn told his dad. "I'll go right."**_

"_**No, lead her outside. The hose." Dad headed for the backdoor.**_

_**Shawn headed for Carol, who was trying to open the adjoining bathroom door, but it was either locked or it was stuck. She heard Shawn and hid in the tub. He ran into the bathroom, looking around, though he knew Carol was hiding in the tub. That was her place to hide.**_

"_**Carol? Carol, c'mon, I'm not gonna hurt you."**_

_**She didn't say anything.**_

"_**Fine, I'll tell Dad you broke the lamp," he threatened. "We both know you can't beat me to the backyard."**_

"_**Don't you dare!" She climbed out and ran for the backyard, pushing open the door. "Dad—" She squealed as cold water shot at her, and she ducked, trying to take cover, but there was no cover. "Cheater!"**_

"_**Ha ha," Shawn laughed.**_

"_**Not so fast." Dad turned the hose on him.**_

"_**Trader!" Shawn covered his face. "Carol! Help!"**_

_**She didn't want to help him, but she didn't want Daddy to win. She grabbed a chuck of mud from the pool he'd created around her and threw it at him. It landed on his tennis shoes, but he stopped long enough to look down. She felt guilty for a whole second before Shawn threw more mud at him, and that's when they got into a mud fight. It was the best and most fun and most unexpected thing their dad had ever done. It was great**__._

–

_Carol guided him into her bedroom. The light blue walls were filled with so many memories, all of them spoke to her, and she felt sick to be leaving them. The new owners wouldn't know any of these memories. They would be moving into someone's old house. They wouldn't know how Shawn kicked a hole in the wall or why._

–

_**Carol and Shawn sat in her room, just waiting. They had heard about an accident, and that the drivers were in pretty bad shape. Their mom had called, but they hadn't gotten any news. She was in the car, and they were worried she might've been hurt. They kept waiting for their dad to call, but he never did. It was so unlike him. He was doing volunteer work as always when he got a week off. He always spent a day or two helping the people who needed him and then the rest with them. He always called and told them how somebody was doing or how repainting was going. It unnerved Shawn.**_

_**Carol was restlessly running her fingers down the ear of Elle the elephant. She had recently learned that Elle meant "she" in French, so she named her that. It seemed to fit. "When are Mom and Daddy coming home?"**_

"_**I don't know, kid." He shrugged. "Soon, I bet."**_

"_**If they don't get home soon, can we have ice cream for dinner?"**_

"_**We can even break into the cookie jar," he promised.**_

_**At midnight, still there were no parents. Carol fell asleep after the sugar crash, but Shawn stayed up. He watched her alarm clock as time slipped away, and he wondered what was keeping them. They were never this late, and if they were, they'd call. They trusted Shawn to watch and protect Carol, but they always called. It was their annoying habit. Carol and Shawn hated it, but he needed it right now. He needed to know what the heck was going on. Where were they?**_

_**At three in the morning, Shawn finished half a pot of coffee. He heard the front door open, and he ran to meet them, smiling when he saw his mom. He hugged her tightly then moved to hug his dad, but his dad wasn't there. His smile faded when he saw his mom wasn't in the same clothes she left the house in yesterday morning, and the clothes she had worn were in a bag.**_

"_**Where's Dad?" Shawn asked, voice low.**_

"_**Mommy?" Carol groggily called. "Mom?"**_

_**Annette went into her room, sitting beside her and putting an arm around her shoulder, squeezing her arm. "Hey, pretty girl." She smiled, but there were tear stains on her cheeks.**_

"_**You're late." Carol yawned against her hand. "Where's Daddy?"**_

_**Shawn eyed her.**_

"_**Dad's not coming home tonight," she told them. "We'll talk about this in the morning. Get some sleep."**_

"_**What? Why?" Carol demanded, a whine in her voice. "He promised he'd teach me what little French he knew, and we were gonna watch some old movies. He promised. Did work call?" She rubbed her eye.**_

"_**No, but don't worry about any of that stuff. We can do that."**_

_**Carol frowned. **_

"_**Where's Dad?" Shawn demanded.**_

"_**Sha—"**_

"_**No, tell me," he shouted. He knew her. She was lying. She wouldn't be over seven hours late getting home and be in different clothes and not be with Dad if everything was all right. There was something wrong here. Dreadfully wrong, and maybe she was trying to protect them, but he didn't need protecting. He needed to know the truth. "Tell me where our father is! Don't lie!" He was jumpy from the coffee and upset from seeing the tear stains and the lack of makeup. **_

_**She sighed, tears filling her eyes and she took Carol's hand, meeting her eyes then Shawn's. "There was an accident," she confessed. "There was a car crash outside where Ethan..." Her voice broke, and Carol shifted onto her knees and wrapped her arms around her mom. "Your dad was hit by a car, and he was doing very well for a long time, but...he died."**_

_**Carol didn't say anything as tears swarmed her eyes, but she leaned forward and threw up into her trashcan. Mom held her hair and rubbed her back, looking at Shawn as he began to pace, wracking his hands through his hand, and he slammed his foot in the wall, breaking through.**_

"_**Shawn!" Annette stood up. "Don't break the house."**_

"_**It's a frigging wall," he screamed at her. "This is Dad! Dad's dead! The wall can be fixed, but Dad—Dad can't. He's... He's..." He slammed his fists into the wall, his shoulders shaking, and Annette tried to comfort him, but he back away. "Get away from me!"**_

_**She swallowed hard, still trying to get close enough to hold him, even though she knew he would fight. Shawn always rejected affection when he was angry or hurt. "I know you're hurting, so am I. Carol is too."**_

"_**Carol? Don't talk about Carol!" He glared through the tears, he felt as if all the weight in the world was resting on his chest. "You knew! You knew he was dying, and you couldn't call?! We didn't get to say goodbye or anything! What the hell is wrong with you?" He wasn't allow to cuss, but in that moment, it didn't matter. His non-curse words cut her deep. "God, don't touch me! Get off!" He pushed her away and stormed out of Carol's room. "You are so damn selfish!"**_

–

_Daryl stiffened when Carol leaned into him, her hands against his sides, her nose against his neck, her hair at his nose. He could smell her shampoo, and it smelled nice, like coco. He didn't care about the smell when Carol's lips brushed his neck. She didn't mean anything by it, she was just moving her head back, but it made him gulp hard._

"_I'm sorry." Her voice was very small. "I know you hate when people touch you. I just really wanted you to be here with me."_

"_It's okay," he mumbled, thinking over her words. 'I just really **wanted you** to be here with me'. No one had ever wanted him for anything. People needed him to do their dirty work, used him, but never really wanted him. It was a first that he didn't want to lose. He liked having Carol close anyway._

_She took a deep breath and stepped back. She led him through each room of the house, lingering here and there. She never let go of his hand, and he liked that. Her hand was small, but warm and strong. It made him feel wanted for the first time since the fire. He still hadn't told her after all this time, and she wasn't a news person—not that it was recent news—so she didn't know. He wasn't going to tell her, not after losing her dad like this._

_They made their way back to the living room, and Carol let his hand go and stood in the middle of the room, the moonlight pouring over her. She had spent so many Christmases and Thanksgivings naps and birthdays in this living room, not to mention all of the fights and bad days. When it was anyone's birthday, even his own, her dad would go all out and put up banners and balloons and streamers. He'd stay up all night if he had to. He never wanted them to feel forgotten. She would unquestionably miss this room the most._

"_I didn't think it would be this hard." Her voice was thick. "I knew it would be difficult, but God, now it just hurts so much. I feel like I'm abandoning him, you know?"_

_He didn't say anything._

_She turned to him. "Will you stay with me?"_

"_Till we leave, yeah, and after that if you want."_

_She nodded. "Sleep with me?"_

_He blinked. "Sl... What?"_

"_Sleep with me. I don't snore. I don't think anyway." She met his eyes. "I don't want to be alone tonight or be with **them**. I want to spend my last night here with you, if you don't mind."_

"_Define sleep," was all he said._

_She blushed. "Oh! Not sex! No, no, no, no! I'm not ready or old enough or have really even heard the full talk without my dad or mom just stopping! I mean, I know what it is, but they didn't teach me. Not that I've looked it up or anything, I just—Lori explained it to me!" _

_He smirked. "You're just diggin' a deeper hole."_

"_I know. I'm so embarrassed." She was smiling though. "This is why I want you here." She closed the space between them and took his hands. "I love you, Daryl. I want you to know that in case something happens to either of us."_

"_Nothin' gonna happen."_

"_Good to know, but I still wanted you to know." She released his hands. "I won't make you sleep on cold floor, by the way." She grabbed the extra flannel blankets from the closet and laid them out. "I hid them while Shawn and Maggie were eating breakfast." She removed her jacket and folded it. "Makeshift pillow."_

"_Makes it all better." He lied down on the floor beside her, leaving his jacket on, and he felt her cover them up. After a minute of silence, he sat up, and so did she._

"_Is something wrong?" She searched his face._

"_I ain't ever spent the night with a girl," he admitted, face a little pink. Or someone who wasn't kin. "How's this gonna work?"_

"_I'm going to touch you inappropriately while you sleep." She giggled at his glare. "I'm gonna sleep on this side, and you're gonna sleep on that side. Deal?"_

"_Sure." He removed his jacket and folded it, lying back down._

"_Oh, I cuddle in my sleep, by the way."_

"_Great." He rolled away from her._

"_Hey! Body heat, I kinda need it!"_

"_Am I your best friend or slave?"_

"_You're my best friend." She kissed his cheek. "Good night." She lied down._

"_Night." He tried to calm his stomach. He felt the knots twisting. "Best not try nothin'."_

"_Ooh, temping," she teased. _

"_Got my eye on you."_

"_Please! I've got my eye on you." She rolled over and nudged his shoulder as she said it, looking into his eyes. "Good night, Daryl. I love you." She was going to say that every time she said good night now. She didn't want them to forget, and she wanted to make sure the people in her life knew how much they mean to her._

"_Night."_

_They woke up when Annette and Mr. Morales had come to get the door frame for Hershel's kitchen, and they found Carol and Daryl. It would've been fine if Carol had permission to invite him—she didn't—and it would've been fine if she had brought Shawn—she also didn't. It wasn't fine. It wasn't even a little okay. _

_In her sleep, Carol had stretched a leg over Daryl's hips, slipped her hand underneath his shirt—she did to warm her icy hands, very conscious of it—and her face buried in his shoulder. Annette assumed the worst from that and almost broke Carol's wrist yanking her away from Daryl. That was the first of **many** reasons why Hershel didn't like Daryl._


	7. The Draw

Carol got dressed in the bathroom while Sophia flipped through Shawn's extensive music collection on his i-Pod, so that she and Shawn could talk without her hearing what they were saying. Carol knew Sophia was listening, because she could hear the lyrics to_ Shake It Out _coming from the headphones and Sophia's mouth. Shawn was on the other side of the door, listening as Carol told him about what happened with Daryl.

She opened the door, zipping her the boots Karen bought her. They were new and possibly a size too small. Carol couldn't wear her tennis anymore, and someone threw away her other shoes, so she was stuck with these. They would do for now. "Satisfied?"

"You're working together." He was smirking. "Nice thighs."

"What? Apart from creepy!" She looked herself over. She wore a faded floral dress with draped flutter sleeves and defined waist. It was the only thing she felt comfortable in. It was the first dress she wore the first time she left her dorm with the best friend she'd ever had. It meant a lot to her. She was also showing a lot of leg, even if her boots almost went to her knees. "I should change."

"No, don't. You look great."

"You just want me to leave so you can tell Sophia every one of my embarrassing childhood stories." She put earrings in.

"Well, duh." He stood up. "I have so many. Where will I begin?"

"I don't care, just leave out everything to do with Daryl." She grabbed the knapsack. "Camera?"

"Break it and I'll kill you." He handed his precious baby to her. "Gently, please."

"It's a camera." She set it in the knapsack, zipping it. "That's all I need. Break her, and I'll do worse than kill you."

"I know. She's in good, pillow-padded hands. Beth's already threatened me."

"Beth's really taken to her, hasn't she?" Carol smiled.

"Like a vicious mama puma."

She checked her watch. "I should go. Daryl's lunch is at one, and I have to look over that entire house. I'm scared to see what he did to it."

"Me too. That guy never cleans. Five years of grime—good luck."

She rolled her eyes and crouched down next to Sophia. "Honey?"

"You gotta go?" She tugged the headphones down, sitting up. "Why can't I come?"

"'Cause you and Shawn have horses to feed and Violet may have her babies today." She pulled Sophia closer. "Besides, Mr. Dixon and I need to talk—about the house and repairs. It's boring."

"So? I like him. I wanna come."

"Don't whine. Once I know what all needs to be done, you can help me with painting and gardening and deciding where furniture goes. I promise."

"Okay."

"Give me a hug?"

Sophia hugged her mom tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too." She kissed the top of her head and released her. "I'll be home soon. Keep an eye on Shawn."

"Ha ha." He shot her a glare.

"Bye, baby." She left the house and went to Daryl's house. He'd left a note in the mailbox with the key inside. She smiled at the note—_**keep your nosy ass outta my mailbox, Jeanette—**_and went inside. She'd forgotten how nosy their neighbors were. They were probably all looking his way now that she was back in town. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable at all. She was just trying to sort out her life now. He was apart of her life, no matter what, and if they could be friends, she would gladly take that chance. She hoped this job was his way of reaching out. She was going to make his house look amazing, so he'll stay and maybe they can bond while...scraping off grime.

She set her bag down, digging out Shawn's camera and taking it out of its case. She started down in the basement. It was full of old junk still. She smiled at the memory that old junk brought.

– – –

"_Go see what's down there."_

"_Why me?" Daryl asked, leaning on the door frame. _

"_Those steps could break under my weight." Carol gestured to the baby bump, trying to make it seem like she weighted so much more. If she turned around, no one could tell she was pregnant. In fact, her pregnancy looked like a basketball was resting under her shirt._

"_What weight?" he challenged. _

"_Please. The sooner we know what's down there, the sooner we can get the washing machine and dryer down there."_

"_You owe me." He took the flashlight. _

_She smirked. "Sure, I do."_

"_If I die down there, I'm hauntin' you."_

"_Then I'll take Andrea up on her "gift"." _

_He glared, clicked on the flashlight and went down the stairs slowly, Carol bit her lip nervously as he fell out of sight, and he started choking on the dust in the air. He covered his mouth with his shirt and looked around. It was full of old toys and a few tables. It was probably spacious if they cleaned it up. He weaved his way through thick ass cobwebs and found the the broken bulb dangling above his head. He changed it and called up to her._

"_Should I come down?" She turned the light on._

"_No, definitely not." He saw spiders everywhere, but none of them were deathly. "Damn, I'm gonna need a bigger shoe."_

"_Daryl?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Are you almost done? I'm hungry." _

_He made his way through the junk and headed up the stairs, shaking dust out of his hair, and Carol was smiling, thoroughly amused. "What?"_

"_You went in black and came out gray." She picked a web out of his hair. "C'mon, the hose out back should work."_

_He smirked. "Hell no."_

"_Daryl, you're covered in dust and cobwebs."_

"_So? Been dirtier than this."_

"_Fine, but you look like Grandpa Daryl."_

"_Oughta get used to it. One day, I'm gonna get called that."_

"_Do I hear resentment?"_

"_Do you?" He arched a brow._

"_Daryl." She searched his eyes. "Do you regret—?"_

"_I regret lettin' you pick out the name," Daryl finished. "Ethan Dixon? I know it means a lot to you, but our kids gonna get his ass kicked."_

"_He will not. And there's always Nora," she added with a smile. "You chose Nora. Besides, we're waiting, remember?"_

"_Next one's on me." He was totally going to sneak a peek at the chart. Ethan Dixon or Nora Dixon, he had to know._

"_Deal."_

– – –

She walked up the stairs to the first floor and turned to kitchen, taking pictures of everything. She could see the counters needed major work, and the tiles were chipped. The walls needed to be repainted desperately. She and Daryl had decided on a cheesecake yellow, because it was inviting. Now it looked like mustard had died on the walls. Maybe a blue or green. It would give it some life. They could add a plant.

She opened the double French doors. They needed cleaning. She might be able to some stained glass for them. Karen's sister was an artist, and she was in town for two weeks. She loved Carol like a sister, so if she wanted stained glass, she had it free of charge. Katrina did it for a hobby too, and Carol loved the flowers she did.

She looked over the living room and internally cringed. Daryl had kept the same furniture, and that would be fine if it wasn't so dingy now. The TV was the only thing worth saving. The couch was broken down, the chairs were usable and decent, but they would look better in the basement. Daryl would probably want a room to keep his crossbow and other hunting gear, so the chairs could go down there.

She glanced down and saw the ugly clay dish she'd made her freshmen year. She and Daryl kept it to put keys and candy and receipts in it. She thought for sure Daryl would've thrown it away. He hated it, always tried to throw it away, but she wanted to keep it as a memento. Perhaps he kept it...because it meant so much to her, and he couldn't let go of her completely.

_**Don't**_**.** She shook her head and started up the stairs. _**Just don't.**_ Her body was forever marked by Daryl. Before she got pregnant, Daryl talked her into getting a tattoo with him. He wanted something to cover the scars, and she tagged along. He left with two killer tattoos, and she left with a Cherokee rose, Daryl told the story again after they lost Ethan.

She started in the guest bedroom, deciding to redo the whole room—new mattress, new sheets, new curtains, etc. She wanted to bring some light into this room, but she wanted to it to still be Daryl's. They would have to go look at sheets and curtains together. He may not like it, but they were going to spend a lot of time together. She hoped he could re-tile the kitchen and bathroom floors. She might have to recruit T and Shawn.

She took a deep breath before opening their bedroom door. She hoped Daryl hadn't destroyed it. She didn't want to have to redo this room. She loved it and all of their time spend in there together. She braced herself and opened it.

The room was dusty, but untouched. Daryl hadn't move anything. It was all in order, just a few drawers hung open and the blankets were pulled down. He hadn't set foot in this room since she left him, had he? That cut her deep. What had she done to him?

– – –

_Carol looked over the house with the realtor that he and Shawn had found one the other day when they got lost following Shawn's directions, and he could see she was already very taken with the house. It had everything she ever talked about in a house. She used to go on and on when Beth kept bugging her just to prove that she was leaving the minute she could afford a house and to prove she could bug Beth back. The house needed a little work, but they had time to fix it up before the baby came. Carol wasn't even showing yet._

_He waited downstairs as Jenny showed Carol the upstairs and backyard, and when they returned, Carol was biting her lip to not smile. He pushed off the wall and joined them, Jenny gave them a moment to talk, and he asked her what she thought._

"_I love it," she admitted. "Can we afford it?"_

"_Don't worry 'bout the price." Daryl has never told her he'd been saving his money for years, and Hershel had even offered to help pay for the house. "You love it?"_

"_Yes, it's a perfect place to raise a family. Did you see the backyard?" She was smiling wide now. "And the upstairs? Three bedrooms and two bathrooms."_

"_Guess we're home."_

"_We're home." She hugged him._

––

_They had finished moving in the boxes, the mattress and since Carol couldn't do heavy lifting, she, Beth and Maggie were setting up her and Daryl's bedroom while Shawn and Daryl were moving in the heavy items: couches, chairs, dressers, etc. Annette and Patricia were unpacking the dishes downstairs, and Hershel and Otis were repairing the fence in the backyard. Jacqui was stopping by with some paint and lunch later, and T-dog was going to bring over some tables the church didn't have a use for anymore._

_Beth set the last pillow on the bed and smoothed out the comforter. "So, how long till you know the sex?" Beth picked up a box of extra sheets and opened the closet. Carol and Maggie exchanged looks then rolled their eyes, and when Carol didn't answer, Beth looked at her. "Carol?"_

"_Why?" Carol folded a box._

"_'Cause I wanna know." She set the sheets on the shelf near the back. She was going to try and make something for the baby over the summer since she had no plans. She didn't want to use white or yellow. She wanted to use pink or blue. Yellow was **not** gender neutral. "How long till you know?"_

"_I'll let you know." _

"_Do you have any names in mind?" Maggie set the framed pictures on the dresser Daryl and Shawn had just brought up._

"_A few." Carol shrugged. "But I haven't talked to Daryl about them, and we don't know the sex, so they're just...suggestions."_

"_Like?" Maggie pressed._

"_For a boy, I was thinking...Ethan."_

"_After your dad." Beth smiled a little. "That's real sweet."_

"_And for a girl?" Maggie turned._

"_I'll get back to you on that." She looked around. "That's everything?"_

"_Almost." Beth pulled out a small box. "I brought red velvet cupcakes. Well, red velvet, Dutch chocolate and a poppy seed muffin."_

"_Aww, Mom's gonna kill you," Maggie reminded her. "She wants Carol healthy."_

"_So? It's just one cupcake."_

"_It's just one cupcake," Carol agreed._

"_Why am I bad guy?" Maggie put her hands on her hips. "Always the bad guy. Why the hell is that?"_

"_I don't know." Carol licked icing off the cupcake._

"_Maybe 'cause you're always remindin' us of what Mom doesn't want us to do." Beth held out Maggie's cupcake. "Glenn made it special for you."_

"_Glenn?" Carol's brows rose._

"_Beth!" Maggie glared._

"_Well, she's gonna find out sooner or later."_

_She snatched the cupcake and sat down on the bed. "It's nothing. He just has a stupid little crush on me. I'm not interested."_

"_In Glenn?" Beth frowned._

"_In men." She licked icing off her fingers. "At least not right now. I gotta leave next week, so I'm not gonna start a relationship."_

"_But he's so cute."_

"_And virginal," Carol teased._

"_Really? A virgin? I thought you were a virgin then you tell us you're pregnant."_

_Carol smacked Maggie's hand, the cupcake smashed into her mouth and nose, and Beth and Carol busted out laughing at the result. Maggie would kill them when no one was looking and after the baby was born._

––

"_No more boxes." Daryl dropped onto the bed, exhausted and sore. "Or couches and shitty tables."_

"_They were nice tables," Carol reprimanded. "They just need polished." She flicked the bathroom light off and crawled under the covers. She noticed how Daryl watched out the window, as if waiting for somebody. "Did you tell your father?"_

"_About you and the baby?" He shook his head. "Hell no."_

"_Why not?"_

"_I don't want him to know 'bout you." He looked at her. "After the last time y'all met, I don't want nothin' to do with him. He don't deserve a second chance."_

"_Don't you dare give him one either," she huffed. "I was only asking, because I don't what him to know or Merle, but I can live with Merle knowing."_

"_Deal." He half-smiled. "I got somethin' for you."_

"_Really? And what's that?"_

_He reached into the nightstand that Shawn had generously given them from his own bedroom—since he dropped and broke Carol's nightstand—and pulled out a flower. It wasn't real. It was a pastry from Rhee's, and Carol could hear her mother telling her not to eat it, but her mom wasn't here, and it looked really, really good. "Figured we could share it."_

"_That'd be great." She smiled. "It's really pretty."_

"_It's a Cherokee rose." He opened the container._

"_I know. I have it tattooed on my hip." She took one of the petals. _

"_Regret it yet?"_

"_No." She bit into the petal, and it really soft, not too sweet. It almost had a lemon flavor. Faintly. It was really good. Glenn's mother could bake like no other. If he and Maggie got together, she'd be the husband still, and Maggie should hope he can cook like his mother. "Why this and not a red velvet cupcake?"_

"_'Cause I ran into Beth at the shop. This one's healthier, supposedly."_

"_I have a question." She met his eyes. "What would you want to our baby's name to be if it's a girl?"_

_He shrugged. "Thought you'd have a name."_

"_I don't. I do for a boy."_

"_Ethan?"_

"_Yes. Am I that predictable?" She bit her lip._

"_Nah, it's what I was thinkin' too."_

"_Really?"_

_He nodded. _

"_Why?"_

"_I'm gonna brush my teeth." He set the container down and left._

"_Uh, Daryl!"_

"_Uh, Carol," he aped her._

"_Yes, very mature." She brushed invisible crumbs off the bed. "My child has no father."_

_He chuckled softly, poking his head into the room with the toothbrush in his mouth. "Stop."_

_She laughed._

– – –

She closed the door and finished the last two rooms. She needed to talk to him, but slowly. She didn't want to rush him with the whole story, but he had a right to know. It was their marriage, not hers, and she would tell him everything, no matter what. She had to after that phone call. She really hoped he didn't bring it up right away. She needed time to not think about Ed.

––

"So," T-dog began, "I heard Carol Greene's back."

Daryl didn't even blink. He wiped his oily fingers on his rag and met his eyes. "Yeah, she's back."

"With a four-year-old little girl," he pressed.

"You hear this from Jacqui?" Daryl took a drink of water.

"I'm just sayin'. Y'all split up four, five years ago? She could be yours." He leaned against the car.

"So?" He closed the hood and shrugged. "Don't mean nothin'."

"So, you don't care if that kid's yours?" He eyed Daryl. "Or that maybe Carol came back to be with you?"

"It ain't like that."

"Then what's it like?"

Daryl didn't reply. He honestly didn't know what to say. Why was Carol back? Did she want to reconcile just their relationship? Did she want more? Maybe she lost her house and came back home so Sophia didn't have to sleep on the floor or at a shelter. Maybe someone nutjob was after her—probably that since that phone call. But only Carol truly knew. He'd find out eventually if she was preparing his house and making it ready to be sold.

"I don't wanna see you get hurt," T confessed. "The first time she left, it took us all by surprised. If she plans to leave again, make sure you know."

Daryl gave a slight nod.

"Get back to work." He tossed a wrench at Daryl. "I don't pay you to stand there and look pretty."

Daryl scoffed. "It's my lunch break."

As soon as he said it, Carol walked in. T-dog had to look twice to make sure it was her. She was tall, skinny, and she'd dressed up. Her hair was curled, she wore makeup, and her dress was more than flirty. He felt bad for Daryl. He knew Carol still had his mangled heart in her clutches, but she probably didn't know that, and she was seriously playing with it right now.

"T-dog!" She started to hug him, but he held his hands up, gesturing to the grease on his uniform. "Right. I'll get back you." She smiled and walked over to Daryl. "Ready?"

"Lemme change."

She nodded and waited there while he went to the back and changed. "So," she said to T as he worked, "how have you been?"

"Good. I've been real good. And you?"

"I'm better now. I forgot how much I loved it here. And Sophia—my daughter—loves it here too. I think we're going to stay."

"That a fact?"

"I understand that I pissed you off when I left," she stepped toward him, lowering her voice "and making you swear to me that you'd look after Daryl no matter what was wrong. I should've been looking after him, and I shouldn't have left, but I had my reasons. And I promise I'm not going to do that to him again. We're going to be friends."

He met her eyes. "You don't need to tell me that."

"I know. I just...felt as though I should. You and Daryl are close, so—" she cut off when Daryl entered the room. "Well, it was nice talking to you, but we should go. We have a lot to discuss over lunch."

"Why don't you take the rest of the day off?" T offered. "It's been a slow day anyway."

"Really?" Daryl didn't trust his reasons for giving him the day off.

"Yeah."

"Okay." Daryl turned to her. "Your car or mine?"

"Yours, if you don't mind. I still have luggage in mine."

They left T-dog to finish the Horvath's car, and they went to the Greene Leaf since it was nearby and Daryl always went there for lunch. They weren't pricy and the food was good. They got a seat in the back, Jacqui brought them Daryl's usual drinks and two sandwiches that she made only for Daryl. She gave them a knowing look before leaving.

"So, how bad is it?" He bit into the sandwich.

"Not very." She crossed her legs and pulled out a folder of pictures. "We can do it within a few weeks." She tucked hair behind her ears, moving her plate and showing him the kitchen pictures. "I circled the areas that are fine, but the house hasn't been cleaned properly since...I don't know, the fifties? We never really got around to it, so it's going to be a lot of work."

He nodded, looking over the pictures as she went over them. He glanced over at her as she explained why he needed to re-tile, and he examined her face. Her eyes were accentuated by the makeup she wore, her skin looked so soft but it was her mouth caught his attention. He remembered the taste of her lip gloss. It was always the same kind, and he always tasted that artificial strawberry out of the blue when they were together. She wore a light pink lipstick now.

"I was thinking we could buy a loveseat and a new couch and move the chairs downstairs." She looked at him to see how much he hated that suggestion, but she just found him zoned out and staring at her. "Daryl?"

"Mmm?"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Not really. I'm tired. Didn't get much sleep last night." He wasn't lying. He'd been up half the night trying to sort out how he felt about Carol being back and what the hell he was going to do if Sophia was his daughter. "Can't this wait? We needa talk."

"Yes, of course."

"Not here."

"Where then?"

"My place. C'mon." He paid for their lunch then drove back to his house. They settled in the kitchen, sitting on stools with the pictures on the counter, but the folder was closed. Carol waited for him to ask her the question, but he didn't start the conversation off that way.

"I started drinkin'," he told her. "I fell back on old habits after you left."

She dropped her eyes, feeling ashamed. "I'm sorry. I honestly never thought I was hurting you." She lifted her head. "We were in a horrible place, and I thought—"

"You thought wrong," he snapped.

"Don't snap at me. I had every reason to believe you didn't want to be with me. You had pull so far away from me, Daryl. I tried to reach you, but...nothing worked." Her eyes filled with tears. "I was hurting too, but I put my pain aside to try and help you with yours."

"Bullshit," he seethed. "You were just as distant as me, if not more! Wouldn't even let me touch you, and you barely looked at me!"

"I was never taught how to cope with the loss of a child! Were you?" she hissed. "I tried my best, and it wasn't enough!"

"Tsk, like you gave it your best! You put more effort into school than our relationship after Ethan!"

"I'm sorry I didn't want to cater to you after **I **had to give birth to our stillborn son. I'm sorry therapy wasn't working or the medications. I'm sorry you were gone, drinking and doing God knows what when I needed you. I'm so—"

"I _really_ hate those words," he growled.

"So do I."

"By the way, Carol, who do you think made me drink?" His eyes might as well have been pitch black as he stared intensely at her. It wasn't a glare, but it burned into her so deep. She wished he was glaring. God, his eyes told a story that made her ache, and she was a part of that horrid story now too.

"What more do you want?" she demanded.

"The truth! Why did you leave? After the show you put on, why?"

"I wanted the best for you, and I thought if I left, you and T would become partners and you would have your focus back. You wouldn't have me and our personal hell at home. I thought I was doing you a favor!" She searched his eyes, trying to see if he understood that.

He scoffed. "Do you even know what you did?"

"Yes, I know." Her eyes followed him as he began to pace, rubbing his jaw. "It was the best way for me to leave things. It was the best way to say goodbye."

"I don't mean you leavin'," he informed her. "I woulda been fine if you hadn't—Tsk. Stupid..."

"If I hadn't what?" She couldn't tell what he was thinking. His eyes were hardened, and his body language was all over the place. Her stomach was tightening. "Daryl, if I hadn't what?"

"You gave me hope," he confessed. "I thought... Hell, I thought we were makin' progress. I thought we were gettin' better."

Her heart sank to her stomach. "Daryl, I—"

"Stop," was all he said before he left the room.

Her eyes burned heavily. Of all the things she thought that night meant, she never thought it meant they were reconciling. She had so many plans and so many things to do the next morning, and she kept focusing on the little things. She couldn't let herself think that _that_ was the first step to trying to make their relationship work again. She always thought they were doomed to have a horrible divorce and forever hate each other. She thought _that_ was the gentlest way to say goodbye. When he came home, he didn't even look at her, and they were barely talking during dinner, and even while they made love, she felt disconnected from him. She thought he felt the same, but...he didn't. He thought they were recovering. How did she not know that? How could she not have known he felt that way?

Her decision to leave was apparently the best choice if she didn't know he felt that way. They weren't who they were before her pregnancy, and they wouldn't be those people again. Her decision really was for the best, even if they both went down horrible paths after. They were home now, and maybe now they would try and make a relationship work. Maybe now they could help each other.

For now, she needed to just go, but only after they talked about the house. She wasn't giving up. They may never have a decent relationship, but at least Daryl's house will be a home. He never had a home permanently, so she owed him that much.

Drying her eyes, she went to his bedroom and knocked. "Daryl?" She put her ear to the door. "Daryl, we need to talk."

He said nothing.

"Do you want my help with the house or not?"

He opened the door, she jumped back in surprise, and he met her eyes. "Yeah, I want your help, just gimme some time."

"If I had known you felt that way, I would've—"

"Don't. If Sophia ain't mine then you're wishin' her away."

She nodded. "I'm so sorry, Daryl."

"Waited five years just for that." He shook his head.

"Not just that," she assured him. "We have more to talk about, but later."

"Much later," he agreed.

"I'm going to look at paint options, and I'll call you." He nodded. "Let me know which ones you like. When you're ready to see me again, of course. I—I won't push." She offered him a small smile.

"Yeah."

She hugged him, he tensed up momentarily then wrapped his arms slowly around her, pulling her closer. He hadn't held her in his arms in so long. He never thought he would again. She fit perfectly against him, and she was warm in his arms. He held her tighter, smelling the coco on her hair and the scent of soap lingered on her skin, and he didn't want to let her go. He'd held in so many emotions for so long. Sooner or later, he was going to erupt.

– – –

_The birds were loudly chirping the next morning, the sun streamed in through the open curtains, and Carol woke to movement. She opened her eyes and found Daryl's looking her over. She sat up as he set his feet on the floor. She saw more scars on his torso, and she made herself not cry. She'd seen Daryl shirtless before, but she'd never seen those scars. Probably because the lights were always off. Her chest ached._

"_What time is it?" Daryl asked, groggy._

"_I don't know. It's past seven, though. Mom opens the curtains in the house when she gets up at seven-thirty."_

_He rubbed his eyes. "What happened?"_

"_Daddy cleaned your wounds and gave you something to ease the pain." She set her feet on the floor and leaned over to look at his face. "You're going to be fine, and these shouldn't scar."_

"_I needa go home."_

"_What?" She prayed she misheard him._

"_I don't like it, but where else am I gonna go?"_

"_Here. My parents said you could stay as long as you need."_

"_I ain't stayin' here."_

"_Why not?"_

"_'Cause it's gonna be weird. Your "daddy" don't even like me, and your mom's just too damn sweet to throw me out 'cause I'm injured."_

"_No cussin' in the house," Annette told Daryl, entering with a tray of breakfast food. She set it down on the table beside him then dug through the drawers. "These oughta fit. They're Shawn's. He never wears them." She set out a red plaid shirt and brown pants. "If you need anything, Carol can get it for you. I have work to do."_

"_Thanks, Mom."_

"_Thank you, Mrs. Greene."_

"_Call me Annette." She kissed Carol's forehead. "Happy birthday, pretty girl."_

_Carol smiled and blushed. "Thanks."_

_Her mom left the room, Carol picked up the glass of orange juice from the tray since her mom had brought two, and she peered out the window,  
seeing Otis and Patricia helping her father. Maggie and Beth were probably in school right now. Carol was glad her mom didn't ask her if she was going today. She really didn't want to go and deal with other people today._

"_Shit, shit, shit, shit," Daryl cussed under his breath._

"_You love breaking that rule." She smiled and leaned against the windowsill. "What is it?"_

"_I forgot today was your birthday." He pinched the bridge of his nose._

"_That's okay." Carol could hear the disappointment in her voice. She walked over to the door and opened it. "You should eat and get changed. I'll see you later." She drank the orange juice on the way to her room then took a long shower and got dressed. She returned to Daryl's room. He was buttoning up his shirt, and since the tray was gone, he'd taken it back after eating. That was sweet of him. _

"_May I come in?" She leaned in the doorway._

"_'Course."_

_She closed the door behind her. "I think we need to talk."_

"_You think?"_

"_I know." She remained standing."Why didn't you tell me you were being abused by your father?"_

"_Why should I have told you? It was _**my**_ problem."_

_She swallowed. "Daryl, we have been dating for two years, but I've known you longer than that, so your problems become **our** problems."_

"_How the hell was I supposed to tell you? On your birthday? On a holiday? At school? You don't tell nobody somethin' like this and expect—" He cut off, sighing and shaking his head._

"_Expect what?" she demanded. "Don't stop. Expect what?"_

"_Expect everythin' to be same!" He shot up. "You woulda actin' different around me, treated me different."_

_She didn't say anything._

"_It was my problem. I was handlin' it."_

"_Your entire body is covered in scars, isn't it?" she whispered._

"_Who's ain't? Mine are just visible."_

"_How long has this been going on?"_

"_Tsk, I don't know." He rubbed his jaw. Too goddamn long._

"_I can't tell you what to do—no one can—but I think you should press charges."_

_He narrowed his eyes at her._

"_What he did was wrong, and he had no reason to do it."_

"_Lemme deal with my problems."_

_She sighed and shook her head now. "If you really want to be left alone with **your** problems then so be it. I have chores."_

_He watched her leave and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. He waited until he heard the backdoor shut then met Shawn at the front door. _

"_Was pissing her off really necessary?" Shawn asked._

"_To get her off my back, yeah, it was."_

"_You'll never tell me what're you planning, so this better be worth it. She's still my little sister." Shawn slid him Maggie's car keys. "Be careful."_

_Daryl gave a nod and left just as Carol reentered the house. She couldn't find any shoes, not even her work boots that were left outside. What the hell?_


	8. Crashed

She wanted to bash her head into the steering wheel. She never should have invited Beth to come with her and Sophia in search of a decent preschool. Maggie was working on her aim with Rick today and Shawn had a job with some family who wanted "his touch" for their family photos. Hershel and Otis had to tend to the farm today, so Beth it was. Beth and her singing. God, where was the booze?

"Okay, let's try here." She parked and got out.

"Here?" Sophia peered out the window.

"Yeah, here." She opened the door and unbuckled her.

"Carol!"

"Oh, God." She ducked automatically, but she saw where the voice came from and smiled. "Oh, my God!" She set Sophia down and ran to hug Amy Horvath. "Amy!"

"How have you been?" Amy was the exact same girl, only she was woman now with longer hair and a more mature body and an infectious smile.

"I've been really well recently."

"I'm glad."

"How have you been? And Andrea?"

"Andrea's the same powerhouse as always. She's probably out of town for work." She tucked hair behind her ear. "As for me, I've been...okay."

"That's not a happy okay."

"No, I guess it's not."

"Why?" Beth was holding Sophia since the puddles on the ground could swallow her.

"Who's this?" Amy smiled at Sophia. "You are just the cutest little thing."

Sophia returned her smile, blushing. "I'm Sophia."

"My daughter," Carol added. "Beth, could you take her inside? I'll be right behind you."

"Sure." Beth smiled at Amy before leaving.

"What happened?" Carol searched her eyes.

"A lot." She shook her head. "Why don't we have lunch tomorrow? My treat, of course."

"I'd love that."

"Here's my number." She grabbed a pen out of her pocket and wrote it on Carol's hand. "Are you going to enroll Sophia here?"

"Maybe. I haven't decided."

"You should. They're really great here, and I work here too."

"You do?" Carol's eyebrows rose. "Wow."

"For almost two years now." She stepped back. "I have to get back inside, but don't hesitate to call if you have any questions."

Carol nodded.

"Mom?" A little girl with curly brown hair and blue eyes waited in a uniform by the door. She was almost the same age as Sophia, if not older.

"Paige, honey, I told you to wait with Jeanette."

"Come with me."

"I have to go." She turned and went to her daughter.

That little girl looked just like Amy, only with different yet very familiar hair. Carol cleared her head and went inside to meet the principal. Beth was already talking to her, and Beth seemed to like her. Carol had the same opinion by the time they were done, and Carol had butt load of paperwork to fill out. At least she didn't have anything to do until lunch tomorrow. She might as well get used to it. She'd be filling out paperwork for school for the next fourteen years.

––

Carol looked over the paperwork at midnight having taken a late shower and drank too much coffee. Sophia was curled up against her pillows, snuggling Dee Dee, and occasionally kicking Carol. It kept her awake as she read over the dress code and school rules. They were just as boring as ever.

She lied down, her legs and head hanging off the bed. She closed her eyes and wondered what Amy had gotten into after Carol left town. Amy was always the troublemaker of the Horvaths. Andrea was goody-goody, but only to get what she wanted. Amy had done that too, but the last time Carol had heard about Amy, she had dropped out of school. It nearly killed Andrea and their parents, but she went back after a few weeks. Carol wondered how much trouble she'd gotten into over the past few years.

She sat up, hearing a knock on the door. She dragged herself downstairs, tugging her robe tighter around her, and she tucked wet hair behind her ear, peering out the window. She frowned and opened the door, finding a completely wasted Maggie.

"What the hell are you doing?" Carol softly exclaimed.

"Celebrating."

"Oh, God." She covered her nose in hopes of blocking the hot, stale smell of alcohol coming out of Maggie's mouth. "Celebrating what?"

"My job, silly." Maggie threw herself at Carol, hugging her. "I'm so happy you're back."

"Yeah, me too." She moved her arm around Maggie's waist, kicking the door shut gently. "Easy, sit." She helped her sit down. "Stay."

Maggie nodded.

Carol got her a bottle of water and silently returned, opening it. "Congratulations on the job, Mag."

"And your whoring around." Maggie drank from the bottle.

"What?" Carol bent down in front of her, removing her boots. "You're slurring, Mag."

"Stop, I can take my own damn boots off." She kicked at Carol's hands.

"Fine." She stood up. "Happy?"

"You're a little slut. Whorin' around with college guys and gettin' knocked up after abandoning Daryl." She shrugged. "He was so sweet too, but now he's an ass 'cause of...y-o-u!"

Carol frowned.

"Did you know... Did you know that he got shot?" She made a gun with her hand. "Pow! Grazed his head."

"What?" Carol gasped.

"Yeah. Some drug thing, but he made it. If he hadn't, it'd have been all your fault. Shawn was right. You _are_ a selfish bitch."

"You're drunk. Let's get you in bed. Dad's gonna kill you if he finds out." Carol hauled her up and helped her up the stairs. Maggie was skinny, but she was almost all muscle now. She was heavy, and Carol had a hard time maneuvering her toward her bedroom.

Maggie stumbled out of Carol's grip and hit a wall, and Carol winced. "Has this wall always been here?" Maggie pushed off it.

"Yes, it has." Shawn flicked the light on, and they froze. "Ladies. What are you doing?"

Carol was about to explain when Maggie suddenly passed out. "Maggie!" She dropped to her knees. "Mag? Maggie?"

"Aaaand, she's out cold." He gripped her arm and scooped her up. "She's heavier than she looks. Help me with the door."

Carol opened it, Shawn carried Maggie inside and set her on the bed, and Carol removed Maggie's shoes, setting them beside her bed. Shawn grabbed her trashcan and placed it beside her, and they left the room, closing the door silently.

"Thanks, Shawn, and I'm sorry we woke you up."

"I was already up. Hey, c'mere." He led her to his bedroom, and they sat down on his bed, looking at his laptop. "I took a few shots of the munchkin the other day. What do you think?"

Carol looked over the picture of Sophia around the farm and Sophia and Beth at the piano, Sophia and Beth in the barn, Sophia and Beth with the horses, and Sophia and Maggie on the horses. They were all lovely, and Sophia looked so happy. Beth was smiling in all of the pictures, obviously enjoying the time she spent with Sophia. Maggie did too, but there was something in her eye that made Carol wonder. It had been spoken only moments ago as well. "I love them. They're really good."

"Thanks, kid." He knocked his shoulder into hers. "I'm gonna need some of you and Sophia."

"Why?"

"It's a surprise."

"I look horrible in pictures." She shook her head. "I'll probably break your camera."

He frowned.

"I have paperwork to finish up for Sophia."

"What's wrong?" He studied her.

"Tired." She rubbed her shoulder. "It's been a long day."

"You may have been gone for nearly five years, but I know my sister. Something's bothering you."

"It's just..." She shook her head. "Forget about it."

"Carol, it's me. I'm relentless. Tell me now or forever be bugged."

"Do you think I'm a slut?"

"Should I die of laughing now or later?" He smirked, but he could see she was serious. "Carol, you've only been with two guys, and you married both of them. No, you're not. Why do you think that?"

"Daryl and Maggie both have called me a slut."

"Okay, Maggie's wasted, and she never means anything she says drunk. Daryl was pissed. You know how he gets."

"Shawn, I—" Her shoulders began to shake as tears burned in her eyes.

"Carol?" He felt his chest tighten. "Don't cry, kid."

"I—I'm so sorry."

He closed his laptop and pulled her into a hug. "It's all right. Whatever it is, it's all right." He felt dreadful, responsible. He knew he wasn't, but he had always blamed himself when Carol cried. He was her big brother. He was supposed to protect her, and he'd been on double duty since their father died. Hershel was a great father, but Shawn felt like he had to look out for her even more. He owed it to her and their father.

"No, it's not all right." She cried deeply. She cried for what she did to Daryl, what Ed had done to her and Sophia, what she'd done to make it back home and for Ethan. She had been holding it in for so long, trying not to fully breakdown. She wanted to make sure Sophia was safe at all cost, and now she was, but there were so many things wrong. She'd hurt so many people. Perhaps what Ed did to her was her punishment. Maybe she did deserve all of it. She'd caused Daryl to get shot, to fall back on habits that he spent years getting out of, and she'd given him false hope on top of it all. She worried her family, put her mother in the hospital, and now her sister hates her. And why shouldn't she? Carol was a disgusting person who lived a life she didn't deserve.

"What happened to you, kid?" Shawn asked her when she'd stopped crying hysterically.

"Nothing I didn't deserve," she mumbled, feeling fresh tears in her eyes. "I'm going to make some tea and go to bed."

"Talk to me, Carol." He smiled at her reassuringly. "I'm your big brother, and now that we're not tearing each other apart, I'm here for you."

"You shouldn't be."

He frowned.

"Good night." She practically ran out of his room. She went to her bathroom and sat on the floor, crying into her arms so Sophia wouldn't hear her and wake up. She just felt empty, but the pain that clung to her chest felt eternal. All the damage she did, all of the little things she didn't do. Sophia didn't deserve to be exposed to Ed, even if he was her father, but maybe she deserved it.

Around seven, Sophia woke up out of habit. She used to watch cartoons with Karen's brother, Noah, before the babysitter came over. She saw her mom wasn't in bed, but she noticed the bathroom door was open a little and the light was on.

"Mommy?" She pushed the door open.

Carol was on the floor, curled up on the bathmat. Her eyes were puffy, and Sophia knew she'd probably thrown up once or twice. Sophia used to cringe at night when she'd hear her Mom crying and getting sick after **he** calmed down. She wondered what happened, because **he** wasn't around.

Silently, Sophia crawled into the small hole Carol had made with her arms in her sleep, and Carol snuggled closer to the warmth, burying her face in Sophia's hair. Sophia could see the scar on her mom's arm, and she buried her face in the soft material of her mom's robe.

"It's okay," Sophia whispered. "It'll be okay, Mommy."

– – –

Daryl brought a cigarette to his lips, taking a deep drag from it and sighing, exasperated. He had a half-empty bottle of whiskey beside him, a glass with two melting ice cubes in his hand. He'd been thinking about Carol for two days now. It was his day off, and he hadn't left his house after calling the only person he had left to turn to in his life.

"Man, that is some shit." Merle leaned against the wall, arms crossed.

"The hell am I gonna do if she's mine?" Daryl gazed down at the drink he hadn't touched.

"What do you wanna do?"

"Raise her right. I ain't gonna be a bystander. If she's my daughter, I'm gonna be there."

"Sounds like your mind's made up."

"Reckon so."

"Go get her then."

"It ain't gonna be like that, Merle."

"Why not?"

"You know why." Daryl pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Ethan, hmm?"

"Yeah. She won't even talk 'bout him."

"You don't either."

"Why should I? He ain't alive. Everything I pictured ain't ever gonna happen. Got the damn touch of death." He leaned back. "It's all screwed up."

"Stop bein' a pussy. Just talk to her, get this sorted."

He sighed. "It ain't that easy, brother."

"Nothin' is anymore."

Hours later, Daryl was alone in his room, staring at the ceiling, a pack of cigarettes lay empty beside him, the glass of whiskey watered down on his nightstand, and Merle's words still lingered. He didn't know how to handle this. He'd never had to deal with anything like this before. He was used to being nobody, a nothing in a crowd of bastards and assholes. Now he might be a father to a child that was alive. How the hell was he supposed to handle that?

––

"_That's the spine," the fill-in ultrasound technician, Lilly, told them with a smile. "The heart."_

_Carol was watching the screen with such fascination, her fingers laced through Daryl's, and Daryl was just watching the screen. Annette was tearing up at the first official sight of first grandchild, and Beth was just trying not to jump up and down at the fact that she was an aunt to a little boy. They were more excited than Carol and Daryl both. _

"_Would you like to know the sex?" Lilly asked Carol and Daryl._

"_Yes," Beth whispered into Carol's ear. "Yes, yes, yes."_

"_Beth," Annette scolded._

"_Uhh, do you wanna know?" Carol looked at Daryl. _

"_Nah." _

"_Oh, come on!" Beth whined._

"_That's it. Scoot." Annette gently pushed Beth out of the room. "So sorry."_

_Daryl peered at the door then back at Lilly. "Yeah, we wanna know."_

_She smiled. "It's a boy."_

"_A boy?" Carol slowly smiled. "We're having a boy."_

_Daryl's lips twitched in that I-want-smile-but-won't way. "Ethan Dixon."_

"_Ethan?" Lilly asked, having known Carol since she was a little. "That's sweet."_

"_Thanks." She looked at the screen, and her eyes burned._

"_No, no, no. You promised, Carol." Daryl hated when she did this. He had no idea what the hell was he supposed to do, and he felt like an ass when she did cry. _

"_I'm sorry."_

_Lilly handed Carol a tissue and let Annette and Beth come back inside, Beth wanted to the sonogram, and Annette hugged Carol, kissing her temple, and Daryl was trying to figure out how he was going to avoid going to those childbirth classes Annette suggested they go to since Carol didn't want to hear Annette talk about it. He was supportive, and he wanted the baby, but he had a limit on Beth. She wanted to tag along to everything, and he was about to kill her._

_Daryl glanced over the sonogram while Carol said goodbye to Beth and Annette, leaning against the car._

"_If you need help with anything, you can check me out of school any time," Beth assured her._

"_Likely." Carol turned to her mom. "I'll be over for breakfast next week, and yes, I am taking care of myself. I'm not stupid."_

"_I only worry." _

"_I'm fine. Daryl's more than capable."_

"_All right." She hugged her daughter. "I'll see you tomorrow for class. When is Daryl going to attend?"_

"_Six months from never," Beth guessed._

"_Car. Now." Carol pointed to it._

"_Fine." She set a hand on Carol's baby bump than ran to the car._

"_Does she take drugs?" Carol honestly wanted to know._

"_Go home and rest. You look tired."_

"_I will. Tell Dad and Mag I love and miss them." She started to turn. "Oh, and please, please, please, please keep Beth home next time."_

"_She hid in the truck!" Annette whispered._

"_Oh, God." _

"_I'll call you tomorrow." She waved to Daryl._

_She shook her head and walked over to Daryl. "So, Dad or Daddy?"_

"_Mmm?" He lifted his head. _

"_What do you want Ethan to call you? Dad or Daddy?" She rested her hands on his hips. "Pop?"_

"_Pfft."_

"_Oh, even better Papa?"_

"_Stop."_

_She laughed. "Well, you're gonna have to decide soon."_

"_Lemme think 'bout it." He shoved the picture into his back pocket. "Hungry?"_

"_That explains it now." She pointed a finger at him. "That's why I only want meat. It's that damn male Dixon eating gene. It's a gene, because you all have it."_

_He snorted. "All?"_

"_I saw Mason." She averted her eyes._

"_What?" he growled. "Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_Because I knew you'd look at me like that." She sighed. "Don't get angry."_

"_Did he see you?" Daryl demanded. "Did you talk to him?"_

"_No?"_

"_Carol!" _

"_Calm down." She glanced over as a couple looked over at them. "Nothing happened. He was at the diner where Shawn and I had lunch. We didn't talk, but he saw me. It's hard not to. He...made comments, but it's nothing I couldn't handle."_

_Daryl searched her eyes. "Where's Shawn?"_

"_Working. Freelance photography and all."_

"_I got one rule, and that's stay the hell away from that bastard." He unlocked the door. _

"_Nothing happened," Carol insisted. _

"_Get in."_

_She sighed, but walked around and got in the car. They didn't talk on the way home. Daryl was fuming. He didn't want his dad to know about Carol or their marriage or their baby. He wanted that fucker out of his life. He didn't want him to know about the baby, but unless his father was shitfaced—and blind—he knew Carol was pregnant. Daryl was going to deal with him. He wasn't going to have his father lingering over his life anymore. He was tired of it. He was going to be a good father to his son, so he needed to deal with his father now._

_At the house, Carol unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door, noticing that Daryl wasn't moving. She could see he was tense, his jaw was clenched, and he wasn't getting out of the car. She had a bad feeling about his—everything, but she doubted she could talk him out of it._

"_Aren't you coming inside?" She eyed him. _

"_I'm gonna pick up dinner. Go and lie down."_

"_You're lying. You're always tense when you're lying." She frowned. "You're going to see Mason. Daryl, please don't."_

_A muscle in his jaw jumped._

"_Daryl, you don't have to prove anything. I know you love me and our son and—"_

"_Carol, just go inside. I'll be right back."_

_She exhaled, but got out of the car. "I love you, Daryl. Be home soon, okay?"_

_He nodded._

_She closed the door and went inside. She leaned against the door and sighed, closing her eyes and praying. She hoped that went well. She didn't want him to get arrested or be beaten to pulp in an alley. She just wanted him to come home._

– – –

_Carol heard noises coming from the baby's room, and she saw it was eleven 'o clock in the morning. She stood up and walked down the hall to see what was going on. She didn't worry about someone breaking and entering since the neighbor's dog barked at anyone that moved, and if there was anything worth stealing, she'd help the damn burglar look for it. It had to be Daryl._

_She found the room had been painted the perfectly light-dark balance green they agreed on, but there were piles of wood lying everywhere. "What...the hell?" She stepped over wood. "Daryl, what is all—" She saw what he was doing, and she stared._

_He had bits and pieces of wood lying around, but put together they made up a crib. Not just any crib, not some fancy crap they couldn't afford, but a handcrafted crib. _

"_Daryl?"_

_He stood up. "I woke you."_

"_No, no. Well, technically yes." She looked over the room. "What are you doing?"_

"_Couldn't sleep. I—just...had to let off some steam, figured I'd use it to do this."_

"_Make a crib?" She slowly smiled. "You know to make a crib?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_That's...incredible! I had no idea." She smiled. "How long have you been up?"_

"_All night. I haven't been to sleep yet."_

"_Aren't you tired?" She tucked hair behind her ear. _

"_Nah."_

"_Well, how did it go with your—er, Mason?"_

_He shrugged. "You oughta get somethin' to eat."_

"_Daryl, tell me." She met his eyes, worried he might have done something he shouldn't have. "What happened?"_

"_Don't worry 'bout it, Carol." He climbed over the pieces of wood and took her hand. "C'mon."_

"_Wait, wait."_

"_Nothin' happened. He was drunk, passed out."_

"_No, I just want to look at this." She gestured to room. "You did this...for our baby." _

_He dropped his head, embarrassed. "It's n—"_

"_Really sweet and amazing," she finished. "I love it. I love you."_

_He half-smiled._

"_Okay, now we can eat."_

– – –

Daryl woke to his alarm blaring, and he groaned, not wanting to wake. He didn't want to deal with Carol and this new load of shit. He would rather it all go away, but it wasn't that easy. Carol wasn't alone. She had a four-year-old noisy bomb that could blow up his entire world with one little test.

And why the hell now? Why was Carol back in town after five years? She didn't know that Annette was sick and was only getting worse as days went by, so she wasn't back to offer support and possibly some new doctor. She didn't know about Maggie's career or how well she was doing for a newbie, so she wasn't back to give congratulations. She wasn't back for Beth. She was so sure Beth hated her, and after everything that happened with them, she probably still believed that. The only thing wrong with Hershel was his wife's health, and again, Carol didn't know. Hell, she didn't even care enough to leave them any notice when she left, so they _really_ had **nothing** to do with her returning. If she tells him they're her reason for returning, he was going to laugh in her face. It was utter bullshit, and she basically thought of him as a dumbass for even considering that to be true.

The other reason was she's lying about not knowing who Sophia's father is. She knows that Sophia's his daughter, and for some reason grew a conscience and decided he had a right to know his daughter. However the reason he and Carol grew apart was because of losing Ethan, so why would she run away after discovering she was pregnant? That made no sense to him. If they were having a child, why run? She probably struggled through college after having Sophia, if she hadn't dropped out after giving birth, so going to school was a shitty excuse. Did she think he couldn't handle it if she lost the baby? Did she think he wasn't going to be a good father? Was he not good enough for her anymore? Did she find him worthless as well?

Maybe she really doesn't know who Sophia's father is.

He sat up. Yeah, right, she knew. Carol always knew everything that was going on in her life, and there was no way she didn't know who the father of her daughter is. She was just sucking the life out of him again.

He stumbled downstairs after taking a long shower to clear his head. He buttoned his shirt, wondering if he had time to grab a bite to eat before going to work. He grabbed a cup from the cabinet and groaned when he stepped on something sharp, cursing.

He dug the piece of glass out of his foot. It was the same glass Sophia had broken days ago. He saw his phone on the counter and tossed the glass into the sink, picking up his phone and calling the Greene's home phone, and Shawn picked up.

"If you're awkward and you know, clap your hands," he answered.

"Tsk, asshole."

"Okay, what do you want? I'm busy."

"Is Carol there?"

"No. She had a lunch date."

"A lunch date?"

"Yeah, someone named Horvath. I don't know. I stopped eavesdropping on her and Beth when they got boring. Shoe talk or maybe nails." He paused. "You wanna leave a message?"

"Tell her to come by tomorrow around noon."

"All right. I gotta go meet Morgan. Have a good day. Make good choices."

Daryl hung up and sighed. No matter what his feelings toward Carol were, he felt something with that little girl. A connection or something that he couldn't get out of his head. If she wasn't his kid, why did he feel like this? Like he...knew her, like...he had to protect her. He had to know why, because if she was his, that meant all of the mistakes he made in his life had a reason.

"Sophia Dixon," he murmured. It had a nice ring to it.

– – –

Carol met Amy with Sophia, luckily Paige was there too, and they all went to lunch. Amy wanted to know how Carol was since leaving town, and as much as Carol wanted to tell her, she couldn't. She lied and told her a shoddy version of the truth. She didn't want anyone to know, but she'd really come close to telling Shawn. Without having something to keep her busy, her mind wondered back to Ed and their marriage. In those five short years, all the hell he managed to force onto her... She just had to keep swallowing it. She had no choice. If she told anyone then they would know. They would look at her like she was broken, and they'd wonder if she needed help to deal with it. She didn't want that. She just wanted everything to go back to normal, and maybe it would. Ed didn't know about her family and the only name he had was useless, so maybe they were safe.

Amy moved a lock of hair out of her mouth that the wind blew into her face, her other hand curled around her cup of tea. "Sophia is really sweet."

"So is Paige."

The girls were playing across the street with puppies Tyreese was trying to sell.

Amy was beaming. "She's the best thing that happened to me."

"Yeah, so is Sophia." Carol laced her fingers together. "How old is she?"

"She'll be five in about two week." Amy didn't look at her.

Carol was stunned. Amy wasn't a child, but to have a five-year-old at her age was ridiculous. She didn't want to lecture Amy until she had the whole story. Paige was beautiful and happy from what Carol could see, but God, Amy was only sixteen when she got pregnant. Why didn't Andrea tell her about that? Or Dale, for that matter. Dale was very close with Carol's fathers, so why didn't she know?

_Probably, because you weren't in town_, her mind hissed at her.

"Don't judge me, please," Amy's voice was small.

"I'm not worthy to judge anybody," Carol assured her.

She lifted her eyes. "I was so messed up back then. You have no idea how bad it was." There were tears in her minty green eyes.

Carol gripped her hand. "We all have our mistakes. No one gets to go through life without them."

"Dale and Andrea and my parents have done everything to keep this buried. Reputation is everything to them." Amy squeezed Carol's hand. "Well, not Andrea. She was just there for me."

"I'm here for you too, Amy."

"I know I can trust you. Andrea always talked about how she trusted you more than anybody."

Carol frowned. She knew that look, and she wondered if Amy had gone through something similar to what she went through. "Have you—been alone all this time?"

"Since Paige was born," Amy nodded. "I sometimes talk to Andrea over the phone, and Dale...sends money, but I never cash the checks."

"Are you all right? Do you have somewhere to stay?"

"Yeah, of course. I work my ass off to provide for her! I am not a bad mother! Don't you dare—"

"Amy, Amy, Amy! Stop. I'm not calling you a bad mother." Carol eyed her.

"I—I need to go." She tucked hair behind her ears.

"You don't have to."

"No, I—I do." She grabbed her purse and dug out money to pay for their lunch, not caring that she overpaid. She hurried across the street, a car almost hit her, and she apologized then left with Paige.

"Amy!" Carol tried to go after her, but Amy was walking too fast, and there were too many cars. She took the extra money and left a tip. She would give Amy the money when she saw her again. She shouldered her purse and looked up, and that's when the world should've **stopped.**

"Mommy!"

"Sophia!"

The screams filled the air, blood seeped onto the hot concrete, and Carol's purse was lay on the ground, the contents spilling out.

––

_Daryl plopped down on the sofa in his trailer, dying from the boiling heat. He was tempted to lie down in a freezer. He heard the door open as Carol came inside. She removed her cardigan that felt like a sweater in this heat, leaving her in a camisole. This is what happens when Andrea asks you over for a dinner that turns into an impromptu sleepover._

"_How do you survive this heat in this tin can?" Carol set her cardigan down on the table, gathering her hair and waving her hand by her face to produce air. It wasn't working in this suffocating heat._

"_Like this." He reached over and flicked on a fan that was beside him. "Better than nothin'."_

_She wasn't really dying. She was used to it, and apparently so was he. She climbed onto his lap and buried her face in his strong chest. "Good night."_

"_Why're you tryin' to kill me?"_

_She giggled and sat up, meeting his eyes, very serious. "Look, my birthday's tomorrow, and I really would like for you to come."_

_He ran his index finger along the scar on her forearm."Hershel ain't gonna like it."_

"_I don't care." She grasped his cheeks. "Daryl, I love you, and I want you there. It's my birthday, and he can just deal with it."_

_He half-smiled. "I'll try."_

_She smiled and kissed him, slipping her fingers into his thick hair. She didn't want her father to control her life. She loved him, but she was getting too old for him to lead her down his path. She had her own path, and Daryl was who she wanted to walk down it with. She would have to find a way to explain it to him. She had too many speeches to deliver, but with Daryl, she didn't mind. He was her first and always._

_He grasped her hips and pulled her closer, kissing her deeper. He could feel her hands drifting from his hair down to his shirt and the skin underneath. He wasn't ready to tell Carol, and they both weren't ready for that next step, no matter what their bodies wanted. He wanted their first time to be special, not in the living room of his dingy trailer. He still was trying to figure out how to tell her about his scars without making her go on a rampage or cry her eyes out. He had to protect her from his father._

_A chill ran down Daryl's spine, and he tensed when he heard tire on rocks outside. His father was home early. Why? The only reason for his father being home late is that asshole got fired for drinking on the job. _

_Daryl grabbed Carol's hands. "Stop. Carol, stop it."_

"_What?" She thought he was being playful._

"_No, get up." _

"_Why?" She studied his face, the fear that was appearing there. "Daryl, what is—?"_

_But it was too late. It was **far** too late. In came five foot eleven, graying dark hair and stubble, anger-filled blue eyes Mason Dixon. His cold eyes settled immediately on Daryl and Carol, and he erupted, his voice booming more than Merle's ever had when caught them like this._

"_What the hell are you doin'?!"_

"_Nothin'," Daryl quickly replied, trying to explain, trying to be rational, hoping he wasn't drunk—not that it mattered anymore. _

_He grabbed Carol by her elbow so hard she winced, and he ripped her away from his son. "You goddamn bastard," he spat at Daryl. "This bitch could get pregnant! You ever think about that?"_

_Daryl said nothing._

"_Get your hands off me!" Carol hissed, glaring. "Who the hell are you to talk to anybody like that?"_

_His eyes flashed, and Daryl knew that look. He smacked Carol across the face so hard she fell, and he began to undo his belt. "I'll show you who the fuck I am."_

"_No!" Daryl threw himself over Carol just as his dad's belt sliced into his skin, and he protected her. Carol felt every lash of the belt jolt through Daryl, tears burned in her eyes as Daryl's grip on her grew tighter and tighter as the belt hit him harder and harder, and neither of them could move. Her heart was tightening more than Daryl's grip as he was held her against him, leaving her helpless._

_When it was over, Mason spat on Daryl's back and rubbed it in with his boot. He dropped the belt on the chair, grabbed a beer and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV._

_Carol shuddered and tears fell from her eyes, and she let out a small panicked breath, because Daryl wasn't moving. She sniffed and slowly moved, Daryl released his grip, and she sat back, looking at him. He was pale, sweat coated his forehead, and he was wincing. She saw his shirt was turning red, and she looked at his back. Blood covered his back, there were holes in his shirt from how hard his father had beaten him, and Carol saw blood on the belt. Old and new blood._

"**You son of a bitch!**_" Carol grabbed the belt and went for him, but Daryl grabbed her and pulled her away. "_**You're the bastard!**_" she screamed. "_**I hope you choke on that beer!**_"_

_Daryl hauled her out of the house as Mason chuckled, Carol was still screaming at him, and if they didn't live so far away from everyone else, she would've gotten the cops called on them. "Carol!" He released her and gripped her shoulders. "Carol, stop it!"_

_She looked at him and the angry vanished. "You need medical attention." She wiped her eyes. "I'll take you to the hospital."_

"_No."_

"_Then let Daddy look at you. You're not getting out of this. Those are gashes, Daryl! Gashes!"_

"_No, I'm fine."_

"_No, you're not! I'm not taking no for an answer anyway. You're going to let Daddy see you. Get in the car." She opened the door. "Do you need a pillow or blanket? I have some in the truck. Hold on." She unlocked the truck and grabbed the blanket and pillow. She covered the seat with the blanket and held out the pillow. "Here. Get in." She hurried to the driver's side and got in once Daryl was seated. _

_She drove quickly back to her house, running inside and calling to her father and Shawn. They helped Daryl inside, even with him protesting, and Hershel took him to the guest bedroom. Maggie got the first aid kit, Beth stared in horror, and Annette took the kit and told Maggie to stay with her sisters. Carol stood outside the door, still hearing the lashing of the belt and Daryl's pained groans at her ear. She started shaking as her emotions overwhelmed her and fell back against the wall and slid down onto the floor. She pulled her legs to her chest and sobbed. _

_Maggie sat beside Carol and put her arm around her, pulling her close, and Beth took the empty space on Carol's left, taking Carol's hand and holding it in both of hers. They said nothing, just let Carol cry, and they comforted her. They didn't know what happened, but whatever happened must've been horrifying. Those marks on Daryl's back—the blood and his vacant eyes. God._

_Carol knew Daryl had a rough life, because of his father's drinking problem and what little income they had, but she never once thought it was **that** bad. She never thought his father would ever put his hands or belt or anything on Daryl like that. And he was enjoying it. How could he do such a horrible thing to his son and laugh about it? Why would he do that? _**How**_ could he do that? Carol never could've imagined that's why Daryl never wanted to leave her house or school. She thought it was Merle teasing Daryl like he used to. God, she was so wrong. She was so stupid too. How did she not see it? He'd changed so much, flinched every time she touched him lightly anywhere. Was she hurting him? Is that why he always tried to make sure she never hugged him from behind? How could she have been so blind? All the signs were there. How did she not see them? She was a dumbass._

_Once Hershel was almost done, Annette left the guest bedroom and found her girls curled up on the floor. Carol was resting on Maggie's lap, her legs on Beth's, and Maggie was stroking her hair, probably trying to get her to sleep, but her eyes were glassy and staring off into space. She wished Carol didn't have to see whatever it was she saw. _

_Annette lowered herself down onto her knees and set a hand on Carol's rosy cheek. "Carol? Honey?"_

_Her eyes oh-so slowly moved to her mother's face. "Is he okay?"_

"_He's fine. He's resting. Your dad gave him something to ease the pain, and it put him to sleep."_

_Carol closed her eyes. "Thank God."_

"_Girls, why don't you and Shawn finish peeling the potatoes for dinner?"_

"_But—" Beth started to protest._

"_Go."_

_Carol pushed herself into a sitting position, Maggie and Beth left with Shawn, and Annette grasped Carol's cheeks, wiping away the tears that fell. Carol told her what happened with Daryl's father and how Daryl protected her from being beaten. Annette was glad Daryl had protected her, but she wished neither Daryl nor Carol both had been exposed to that._

"_I should've done **something**," Carol softly said._

"_What could you have possibly done?"_

"_Protected him!" _

"_Oh, my sweet girl." Annette pulled Carol into her arms and held her. "I know you think you could've done something, but there was nothing you could've done. What happened was not your fault. It was the fault of a bad godless man."_

"_He's suffering, because I was stupid. He was beaten for my mistake." Her eyes filled with fresh tears. "He was bleeding so badly."_

"_Sweetheart, Daryl is going to heal. He'll scar, but he will heal. What are you going to do?"_

_Carol looked into her mother's eyes. "What do you mean?"_

"_You're an intelligent young woman," Annette tucked hair behind Carol's ear, "you'll figure it out."_

_Carol sniffed._

"_Dry your eyes, pretty girl." Annette smiled warmly at her. "Your father's done, so go and check on Daryl. He may not be conscious, but he'll know you're there."_

_Hershel stepped out of the room, looking down at Carol and Annette, seeing just how red Carol's eyes were, the tear stains down her cheeks, and he helped them stand up. He gave Carol a tight hug then he and Annette went to help the girls and Shawn with dinner. _

_Carol paced outside the guest bedroom, not entirely sure she could go in there. She wanted to see him, and she wanted to tell him how brave he was and how sorry she was, but she didn't know how to say any of it. She didn't want to thank him for taking a beating he didn't deserve. God, how was she supposed to do this? She'd never had to do this before. She never expected to. Daryl had always been distant, but he would never hide this from her. It had to be only recent. It had to be._

_She took a deep breath in and entered the room. Daryl was on his stomach, face toward the walls, and his breathing was even. His back was covered with bandages, and she expected that. What she hadn't expected made tears burn in her eyes again, and she felt sick and breathless._

_The places that weren't covered with white bandages held aged scars from past beatings. This had been going on for a lot longer than Carol had hoped. From the look of them, they were probably three or four years old. He'd been hiding this for almost as long as Carol knew him, but why only recent had he shown signs of the abuse? Or had she only noticed recently? Why didn't he tell her? Why didn't he trust her? He may be the man, but in a relationship, both man and woman are supposed to protect each other. Why didn't he trust her to protect him? Damn it, Daryl._

_She climbed onto the bed gently, careful to avoid the bandages and she hovered over him, leaving only a small space between her front and his back. She nuzzled her face into the crook of his shoulder. He smelled now of disinfectant and faintly of blood. She smoothed back his messy hair and placed a kiss behind his ear. "Listen to me, Daryl Dixon," she spoke softly, "and listen good. I am more than your girlfriend—I am your best friend, and I would rather die than see you like this. When you wake up, we're going to have a very long talk, because I love you."_

_She sat back and looked him over. She didn't want to leave his side, but her parents wouldn't let her stay in here if that meant not eating dinner. They were really strict about not skipping meals. She wasn't sure if she could eat. Her stomach had been weak ever since they left Daryl's place. She could force a few bites down then come back._

_Carol squeezed Daryl's hand before getting up and joining her family for dinner. They all looked surprised that she had come willingly. Carol didn't need to sit by him and pity him and hate herself. There was someone she should hate, and she already did enough before this day. She needed to talk to her father and mother after dinner. Someone needed to report Mason for doing this, and if Daryl didn't do it, so hopefully her parents would. They surely wouldn't let him go back to that hellhole. God, please don't let them do that._

_Once her few bites were stuck in her throat, she returned to his room. She stayed with him all night, lying beside him on the bed, and her father would occasionally come in and check on his temperature, making sure none of the wounds got infected. Hershel, to lift his daughter's spirits, would ruffle her hair until she laughed. Carol wasn't sad, but she wasn't smiling happy. Her parents had agreed to take in Daryl, but they were going to let him decide what to do. He was an adult now, and they couldn't make the decision for him. Carol knew how Daryl would treat this, but she hoped she was wrong. If she wasn't, she would deal with this._

– – –

Beth, Maggie, Shawn and Hershel rushed into the hospital. They didn't want to be rude, but they had to know what the hell happened and if she was all right. There were too many people in the hospital, and no one was around to help. They about to start pushing.

"There she is!" Beth ran over to where Carol was sitting. "Carol."

"Oh, my God." Maggie covered her mouth with her hands at the blood on Carol's dress.

"What happened?" Shawn crouched down, looking into his sister's teary eyes.

"I—I..." She shook her head, unable to talk.

"Carol?" Hershel sat beside her. "Honey, are you all right?"

"She's coming off a sedative." Lilly walked over to them. "I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

"You sedated her?" Shawn shot up. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"She was hurting herself," Lilly informed him. "She slammed her hands against those doors, calling for Sophia, and she kicked the wall as well. Some of that blood is her own."

Beth took Carol's bloody hands in hers. "What happened?"

"Sophia was hit by a car."

Beth whimpered, and Maggie set a hand on her shoulder.

"She's okay, right?" Shawn put his hands on his hips. "She's all right. She's tough. She's all right."

"Shawn—"

"No! I refuse to let someone else in my life be taken away by some irrelevant asshole who couldn't keep his eyes on the road!" Carol reached out and gripped his hand, and he exhaled, trying to calm his anger. "Is she all right?"

"For the most part." Lilly nodded. "She's a very lucky little girl. She has no broken bones, and there's no damage to her organs."

"For the most part?" Hershel repeated. "What does that mean?"

"She's lost a lot of blood, and she'll need stitches, but she's fine. Like I said, she's a very lucky little girl." She smiled at them. "You'll be able to see her soon."

They all let out a relieved breathe, but Carol started to cry and angry began to boil up inside of her. Shawn asked them to leave, because he knew why she was so upset. It was the same reason he was so pissed. Beth and Maggie were great sisters to Carol, and Hershel was a great father, but right now Carol needed her brother. Or maybe he needed her.

"Breathe, kid." He set his hands on her shoulders. "She's fine."

"I don't think I've been breathing." She met his eyes. "She was hit by a car, Shawn. She was hit by a car!"

"And she made it!"

"She wouldn't have been at risk if I hadn't let her get out of my line of sight. If I hadn't let her go play across the street, she would've been fine."

"How can you think this is your fault?"

"It always is!" She stood up. "I've been the world's worst mother to her! You don't even know the half of it, so don't stand there and tell me "she's fine", because I know that she would be better off without me!"

His brows furrowed in confusion. He'd always known Carol to be very harsh on herself, but never like this. Whenever she would be harsh, it was mostly about school. Carol was very maternal, and she always took care of people like they were family. With babies, she was so gentle and always tended to them with love. She would rather die than let anything happen to them, but not this. What happened to his little sister?

"I'm taking away every chance she has for a normal childhood." She stepped out of Shawn's reach. "I'm ruining her life. God, I'm putting her life at risk. What mother does that to her child?"

"It was an accident."

"Yes, but if I was a good mother, I would've been right there to protect her! After everything we went through, I—"

"What? What have you been through?"

"I—" Her eyes widened then she dropped her eyes and glanced over to see Daryl standing a few feet away. She shook her head and hurried out of the room. She headed for the bathroom where neither Shawn nor Daryl could follow her. She removed her jacket and threw it on the ground, looking at herself in the mirror. There was blood splattered on her dress, her neck and even her hands. She stared at this person, shuddering.

_**I tell you what!**_

––

_She held her hands up to her head protectively as the plate shattered behind her, rice and chicken clung to the wall, sliding down slowly into the pile of peas. She had been dealing with Ed's temper since his worth at his job was in question. She knew that little things set him off, so she though making his favorite dinner would ease his stress, but it only pissed him off further._

"_You said you wanted chicken," Carol reminded him._

"_Oh, I said? I said!" _

"_Sophia's sleeping, please don't wake her. Just keep your voice down, Ed."_

"_What?" He looked at her._

"_This is the first time in weeks she's fallen asleep this early, so please lower your voice."_

"_What the hell did you just say to me?" _

"_Our daughter is sleeping, so shut up!" she snapped. _

_His hand came across her face so hard, the sound echoed in the room and he busted Carol's cheek open and knocked her to the ground into the pile of shattered glass from the bottle of wine. "You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to fucking do!"_

_She groaned, feeling the glass biting into her arms, and she looked up at him, feeling small. _

"_What?" He bent down. "Hmm?"_

"_You have no right to hit me." She stood up. _

_He chucked then shot up and slammed her hard into the wall, but before she even had time to process the pain, he threw her into the aquarium. Carol could taste the blood in her mouth, the metal had knocked the wind out of her, and she wasn't sure if she should move. She didn't know if she could. "No right?" He nudged her with his boot. "You signed away any rights when you signed that marriage certificate, Mrs. Peletier."_

_He shook his head. "Don't forget to clean up. I'm going over to Phillip's for a decent meal." He stepped back, squashing the blue fish that Carol loved. It was a gift to Ed on their six-month anniversary. It was for all the good times and support in the past and to come, and now it was dead. Perfect timing, it would appear._

––

"_What's up, beautiful?" Karen set the enchilada casserole on the counter that her grandmother had made, unwrapping it for all night study session while the nanny took Sophia to her home for the night. They had exams coming up, and they needed to study their asses off and then some. "I brought food. What did you bring?"_

"_Vodka."_

_Karen almost laughed. Carol wasn't a drinker. She was such a light weight, and Karen knew that was how little Sophia was conceived. Not that it matter, because that little girl was precious. "Vodka?" She looked up and frowned. "Carol?"_

_She was curled up in sweats, her hair covering her face, and there were two empty bottles of alcohol on the floor. "I'm not really in the mood to study, Karen. I'm really tired."_

"_These are final exams, Carol. It's do or die. You know our teachers won't reschedule." She walked over to her and swung her leg over the bench. "We've been studying for these in between work hours and diaper changings. We've worked too hard to—Oh, my God!" Karen saw the welts on Carol's arm. "What happened?"_

"_Allergic reaction." She practically flew over to the front door. "Look, I'm really exhausted, and I need to sleep before Sophia comes home."_

"_Allergic reaction?" Karen walked over to her. "To what? And if I remember correctly, shouldn't be in the hospital with a swollen throat?"_

"_Karen, please."_

"_What did he do?" Karen demanded. "I know men like Ed. What did he do?"_

_She sucked in a deep breathe and sat down on the stairs, sitting in a ball and wracking her hands though her hair. She sniffed and lifted her head, and Karen dropped onto the step beside her. Her face was a mass of blue and purple bruises, her lip was busted as well as her cheek. _

"_When...?"_

"_When hasn't he?" Carol inhaled deeply, choking on the air. "The rest of my body is just as bad. I can't even brush my teeth, because he chipped two of them. And why bother eating? Every frigging time I try to eat anything—and I can only eat soft foods anyway—he smacks it away from and tells me I've eaten enough."_

"_When was the last time you ate?"_

"_I don't know. Last week?"_

"_Are you serious?"_

"_I can sometimes sneak bread before he locks the kitchen doors."_

"_He locks the kitchen doors?"_

"_Dramatic, isn't it?" She wiped her nose on her sleeve. "I sometimes try and eat some of Sophia's baby food when I feed her, but then I feel horrible, because I'm taking food away from her." She broke down crying, and she buried her face in her hands, lying her head in Karen's lap._

_Karen smoothed her hair down. "Do you want to leave?"_

"_Is that an option?"_

"_It's always an option." Carol didn't say anything. "Do you want me to talk to him?"_

"_No," her voice was small. "I just want to disappear."_

"_That's an option too."_

"_I want my dad and my mom." She dug her nails into Karen's thighs as the tears burned her eyes. "And my brother and sisters. I want Daryl."_

_Karen had often hear Carol talk about Daryl. She'd get this look in her eyes, and Karen saw such love in that look, but also deep sadness and pain. She didn't know the full story, but she knew one day she would, and on that day, she was going to make sure this Daryl was there. After the sixteenth time Karen walked in on Carol having a nightmare or dream and calling out for Daryl, Carol owed her that. She spent so many paychecks on coffee and brownies to sooth her, after all._

"_Let me run you a bath." Karen stood up. "C'mon."_

_Carol complied, all of her resistant had died. She undressed while Karen drew her a bat, looking over when Carol had her back to Karen, and Karen saw bruises on her hips and welts on her legs. It made her sick with rage, and she was going to talk to Ed. She wasn't going to ask for permission. Carol would just have to hate her, because she wasn't going to let this happen._

_Carol sank down into the tub, shivering._

"_I'll go make some tea." She smiled reassuringly at her. _

_Carol wrapped her arms around her legs then leaned back until she was fully submerged in the water. She held her breath and let the world disappear as water filled her ears and settled over her body. She felt safe and warm, like when she was little and her mom would bathe her. She almost wished she could go back to being that little again and having her mom wrap her in a big, warm towel._

_She opened her eyes and saw Ed. She gasped, swallowing water, and she shot up, coughing and gagging on water._

"_Carol?" Karen set a hand on her back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."_

_She coughed. "I—I thought you were Ed."_

"_I'm not." She grabbed a dry washcloth and handed it to Carol._

_If she only thought she saw Ed and her heart jumped out like this, she needed to get away. Unless he changed, she needed to leave. Maybe he would change. Maybe?_


	9. It Doesn't Matter

Carol washed her face and tried her best to get the blood off her dress, but it didn't wash off, so she buttoned up her jacket. She went to see Sophia, managing to avoid both Daryl and Shawn. She peered through the window, seeing Sophia asleep, and her heart broke. She never wanted to see Sophia like this. She had left to avoid this. God.

"Hey."

She looked over at Daryl. "Why are you here?" Her voice was small, not bitter.

"Shawn called me on the way." He stepped closer. "I wanted to make sure she was okay."

"Just in case she's yours, you mean." She crossed her arms.

"I didn't—"

"What's that?" She noticed something pink sticking out of his pocket.

"Oh, I just..." He pulled out a small pink bear. "It was in the gift shop, and you had a shit ton of stuffed animals, so I figured she might like somethin' to...cuddle, I guess."

She smiled. "That's uh, really sweet."

"Here."

"No, you give it to her. I need to talk to the doctor, find some Kleenex, and I'd really be grateful if you stayed with her."

He looked a little uncomfortable with the idea, but he nodded and went into the room, glancing back at Carol who gave him an encouraging nod before going to find the doctor. He sat down and looked her over. She was very pale, her red hair seemed so dark against her skin, and she looked so tiny. She looked fragile and just like Carol. There were no little hints or features that belonged to anyone else.

He leaned over and set the bear on her stomach where her hands overlapped.

"Mmm..." Sophia gripped his fingers tightly, but didn't wake up.

"Uhh? Sophia?"

She exhaled softly, but didn't release his fingers.

He waited ten minutes before trying to gently move her fingers. He didn't want to hurt her or wake her, but he didn't want to overstay his welcome. Carol wasn't angry at him for coming. She seemed almost broken when Shawn was talking to her. He was really starting to worry, even if he was trying not to.

"Need a hand?" Carol entered the room.

"What'd the doctor say?"

"She needs a lot of rest, and he prescribed a painkiller, but she'll scar." She tenderly freed Daryl's fingers and let Sophia grip the pink bear.

"What happened?"

"We were having lunch with a friend and her daughter. The girls were across the street, playing with puppies, and when it was time to go, Sophia was coming to me—" Her voice broke. "I wasn't looking to tell her to stay, and she got hit by a car."

He frowned.

"I shouldn't have let her out of my sight or let her play across the street. God—"

"It ain't your fault." He closed the space between them. "Shit happens. Sophia's alive. This ain't your fault."

"It always was my fault," she muttered.

"Carol, it ain't your fault." He set a hand on her shoulder and pulled her awkwardly into a hug.

She didn't want a hug, but she needed a hug, and his was so familiar. He still smelled like home, and his arms were strong around her. Her knuckles hit his shoulder blades then she splayed her hand on his shoulder blades and gripped his shirt tightly, burying her face in his chest. Still, he put her at ease.

Maggie crashed into Beth when she abruptly stopped just before entering Sophia's room, and she tried to ask what, but Beth waved her hand in Maggie's face to get her to shut up. They peered inside and saw Carol in Daryl's arms. Beth was grinning while Maggie picked petals out of her teeth, and Beth noted Carol's hands tightening on Daryl's leather vest. She was hoping this might happen, and if they were going to try and "just be friends", she might just have to push.

"What are you doing?" Shawn was across the hall. "You look ridiculous, and you have a petal in your hair, Mag."

"Thanks." She stood up and went into the room. "Carol, I tried to bring flowers, but Beth killed 'em."

Carol stepped back and smiled at what little flowers remained. "It's the thought that counts. She's out cold anyway."

"Well, here." She held them out, and Carol took them. "She looks so small." She sat down beside Sophia.

"Who gave her the bear?" Beth sat down on the bed.

Carol glanced at Daryl, Shawn noticed, and Daryl didn't want them to know that Sophia may be his, because he knew Carol didn't tell them that. "I did," Shawn said.

"Not to be rude, but why are you here, Daryl?" Maggie narrowed her eyes, suspecting there may be more to Carol's story than she let on.

"I called him." Shawn leaned against the wall.

"Why?" Beth turned to face Shawn.

"I called T and Jacqui too. It's a habit." He shrugged, still the master of storytelling in the family. "I also was having car trouble, so..."

"You asshole!" Beth hit him.

"You wanted to know why," he defended.

"What car trouble?" Daryl stepped out of the room, and Shawn followed.

"She looks good," Beth commented, taking Carol's hand and squeezing it.

"She'll be fine." Carol smiled a little. "It's just... I wish I could've done something."

"Carol, what could you have done?" Maggie demanded. "Honestly? You would've been hit by the car instead of Sophia, and who knows what damage that car would have done to you. Sophia will be fine, and if she's anything like us, she'll like the scar. Let's hope she doesn't name it."

"I was six," Beth protested. "And it looked just like the moon."

Carol and Maggie laughed, and Beth rolled her eyes. They talked a for a while longer then Beth and Maggie went home with Hershel, Shawn grabbed dinner for him and Carol, which he was going to force her skinny, pasty tail to eat, and Daryl hung around the waiting room, trying to decide if he wanted to talk to her or not.

"Shawn, stop. I hate honey mustard!" She ducked and dodged the curly fry that was covered in honey mustard and coming at her. "Stop!"

He chuckled and ate it. "You're still a kid."

"You're still a jerk." She ate a curly fry. "So, you're not mad at me anymore?"

"No, kid, I'm not mad." He met her eyes. "But you have secrets."

"What?" She shifted in her seat, crossing her legs. "I have no secrets. I'm an open book."

"Yeah, an open book with invisible ink littering your pages." He searched her face. "I know you, Carol, and you're hiding something. You can tell me."

She dropped her head, wiping her fingers on a napkin. "I'm full. I'm going to wash my hands."

"Carol, don't pull away. What are you afraid of?"

What wasn't she afraid of? She closed the door and leaned against it, shutting her eyes and attempting to clear her mind. She wasn't going to think about the answer to the question. She needed to focus on Sophia. She needed to accept that there was nothing she could've done, and Sophia _was_ fine. She was going to stay by her side and ignore Shawn until he went home. Or until he fell asleep.

She used the bathroom and washed her hands slowly then opened the door. Shawn was gone and so were the food wrappers. Daryl had replaced them. She smiled a little at him and crossed her arms.

"Shawn left."

"I figured as much." She climbed onto the bed. "Are you heading home?"

"Yeah."

"About Sophia...I know you want to know if you're her father, and honestly, I do too, but I told Sophia her father was dead, so...if you are her father, she'll be angry at me for lying, and she may even be confused." She was also scared that if he was the father, how that could change their already rocky relationship.

"I can still be there," he offered. "With you workin' on the house and all—"

"Wait, you want me to work on your house now?" Why didn't he call? It didn't matter, she supposed.

"Yeah."

"C'mere." She took his hand and pulled him closer, lowering her voice just in case Shawn was hanging around—not that it matter after what she just said. "If we're gonna do this, we're gonna need rules."

"Okay, rules." He nodded. "What are they?"

"Given our history, I would really appreciate if you kept your personal life...to yourself. I doubt I'm ever going to date again, so don't worry." Daryl's lip twitched. "When Sophia's with me, no drinking or smoking or women, please."

"I wouldn't do that."

"I know, but they're just rules." She shrugged. "Umm, no cussing with her around either. And you are helping me paint. You're taller than me, and I don't like ladders or closets. I don't mind Merle being around her as long as you watch him. He's a bad influence."

"Merle's changed, Carol. A lots happened since you left."

She nodded. "Uh, do you have any rules?"

"Respect my space."

"I can do that." She tucked hair behind her ear. "How soon do you want me there? I'll need to take care of Sophia first, of course, but I don't want to interrupt your life."

"As soon as Sophia feels better, just come on over. That key's yours to keep. Er, till you're done."

"Are you sure? You won't mind me barging in on you at any time?"

"Tsk, no. Knock first."

She smiled. "All right, Daryl Dixon, your house is mine."

– – –

Beth and Maggie decided to have a small welcome home party for Carol and Sophia since they didn't get a chance to before the accident, and Sophia was coming home today, so it seemed perfect. Hershel and Shawn didn't dare enter the house while they were preparing, and Shawn was tempted to warn Carol, but he had a lunch date that might run over. He was taking photos tonight, so he was leaving early and warning Carol was the last thing on his mind.

"Why do I feel like I'm going to be attacked if I open that door?" Carol asked her father while shouldering Sophia's bag.

Hershel simply chuckled.

"Dad?" She narrowed her eyes.

"Go inside and see."

"Great. I just wanted a quiet evening with popcorn and DVDs." She looked at Sophia. "You ready, kiddo?"

"Sure."

"That's not enthusiastic, but let's go."

They went inside and found everyone Carol's ever known inside. Jacqui was there, T-dog, Lori, Rick, Andrea, Tyreese, Sasha, Lilly with her sister Tara, Lacey, Duncan, Ryan and there were a couple of kids playing games in the den. Carol wanted to leave, but Maggie and Beth weren't going to let that happen. Carol let Sophia hang out with the kids since most of them went to the same preschool as her, and Carol was dragged into twenty-five million questions. Most of them were about Sophia and the missing five years, and Maggie helped her along since Beth was too busy with the kids, and Hershel was out back with Otis avoiding people. It was suffocating, but it reminded Carol of her eighteenth birthday, only without Daryl.

– – –

_That night Maggie curled Carol's hair for the small party for her eighteenth birthday while Beth and Annette went through her closet to find something that would make her look like a young adult, not a dusty ninety-five year old—not even that. Carol had strange taste in clothes. Beth had no idea where it came from either._

"_Isn't this excessive?" Carol asked, looking over the shiny coat of black cheery hued nail polish Beth had applied._

"_No." Maggie released a bouncy curl. "You only get one eighteenth birthday, and we only get one party until my birthday."_

"_So, it's my day then?"_

_Maggie laughed, and Carol rolled her eyes. "Daryl's gonna be there."_

"_So?" She could hear the annoyance in her voice. It happened every time they fought, and her choice of words were poor. She needed to talk to him, but she was hoping to do that tomorrow._

"_'So'?" Annette frowned. "Did something happen?"_

"_No, I just... I'm mad at him right now."_

"_Well, get over it." Beth pulled a dress that Carol had gotten last year from Andrea, but never wore because Hershel disapproved of the length. It was one of her favorites too. The draped silhouette is styled with tiered ruffles detailing the skirt, shimmering buttons fasten the half-placket, and spaghetti straps tie at shoulders. Hated deeply by Dads everywhere. "This is the one time Daddy's willingly let Daryl come to a party where no one is supervising."_

_Carol blinked. "What?"_

"_Hold still." Maggie turned her head back and finished the last curl then let her go._

"_Didn't I tell you?" Annette hung the clothes Beth had rejected back up. "Your father and I are going into town for dinner after the cake is cut and the gifts are open."_

"_You're trusting me?" Carol narrowed her eyes._

"_And Shawn." She nodded. _

_Carol set a hand on her mother's forehead then grasped her wrist. "Are you my mother?"_

"_Don't push it." She poked Carol's forehead. "We need time to ourselves, and we're trusting you all. Don't ruin this."_

"_We won't," Beth promised._

_About two hours later, Carol greeted her guests with a smiling while trying to adjust to wedges. She was used to tennis shoes and flats, but Beth had picked out this outfit and all of her other shoes were still missing. She was hoped she didn't fall, not in this dress._

_Lori brought a few friends, but Carol only knew Rick and Ryan. They were in her chem class. She just smiled and hoped none of them brought any alcohol. She got worried when Andrea came, but she trusted Andrea to remember her dad's rules. She felt reassured when Amy came in. Andrea would protect her from anything wrong. Thank God she and Beth were friends._

"_Let someone else do that." Lori pulled Carol into the living room after most of the guests had arrived. "It's your birthday."_

"_I know. I'm just waiting for Daryl."_

"_Don't hold your breath." Andrea held out a cup. "I saw him on my way here—going the opposite way."_

"_Oh? Well, he probably had something to do." Carol took the cup._

"_More important than your birthday?" _

"_There are more important things than me in his life, Andrea."_

"_Okay, none of this." Lori took the cups and set them down. "I'll play music and you'll dance, okay?"_

"_Great. Now I get to embarrass myself and piss off a friend."_

_Andrea smiled. "Just embarrass yourself."_

_Lori turned on the stereo, letting a random station play since it was old and hard to deal with. Daddy refused to buy a new one, because it still worked. Carol was fond of the old radio. It reminded her of her father. He loved antiques._

"_No, no, no." Lori grasped Carol's shoulders and shook her once. "No tears."_

"_Uh?" She felt a tear on her cheek. "Oh, I'm sorry." She wiped her eye carefully as to not smear her makeup. "I was just thinking."_

"_Your dad?" Andrea guessed._

"_Yeah." She took a deep breathe. "I'm okay. Let's dance."_

_Once Lori and Andrea started dancing, everyone did—it was one of perks of being two of the most popular girls in school. Maggie and Beth abandoned their places and started to dancing. It wasn't forced either. However some of her friends shouldn't be allowed to dance, not even by themselves, and she tried not to laugh. She wasn't confident in her dancing since most of it was behind locked doors or random while cleaning. She didn't have a choice when Lori and Andrea saw her standing there, and made her. She hoped no one was paying attention as she started dancing._

_Annette and Hershel were watching by the stairs as the small group of high schoolers danced, having their own fun and laughing at some of them. Their laughs couldn't be heard over the music, so they laughed outright and loudly. _

_Daryl walked into the house, hearing the loud music and laughter. He tempted to leave the minute he saw all of the people, but he wasn't going to leave Carol pissed at him on her birthday. He had his reasons for being an ass. He hoped she listened. He needed to find her first._

_Scanning the mass of people, he finally found her. She and Beth were laughing and dancing. He looked her over, not used to her so dressed up, and he suddenly felt very possessive. Everyone knew Carol was his girl, but now he felt the need to enforce it, especially with that other ginger watching her. Who was that kid? Did he even know Carol? He was probably one of Andrea's...things. He wasn't sure what they were to her, but she had a lot of them._

"_Carol," he called to her._

_She saw him and tried to get free, but Beth didn't let her. "Beth, let go."_

"_Fine, ruin your night." She released her hand. "Can I say I told you so later?"_

_She pushed her face back then moved through the people and walked over to him. "You came."_

"_Two hours late," he added. "Sorry."_

"_We need to talk."_

"_Yeah, we do."_

_She started to walk outside, but her mom said it was time to cut the cake. She held up a finger and joined her friends and family in the kitchen. Shawn aspired to be a photographer so he was taking all the pictures, and Carol was glad, because the last time Beth took pictures and everyone's heads were cut off. It was different now, and she had a feeling it keep being different. Like after tonight, everything was going to change. For the better was all she could wish for as blew out the candles._

_Annette gave Carol and Shawn the rules before she and Hershel left. Shawn told her he'd take photos and make sure no one drank any alcohol so she could enjoy the party, and Carol thanked him as she looked for Daryl. She couldn't find him, and she felt her stomach tying up in knots._

"_Bedroom." Lori was suddenly beside her._

"_Bedroom?" Carol asked over the music._

"_That's where Daryl is. He wanted me to tell you." She smiled. "We'll save you some cake."_

"_Oh, ha ha." She rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs. She poked her head into her bedroom and found the window out. She frowned and started to close it when Daryl appeared. "God!" She jumped back, and he chuckled. "What are you doing?"_

"_C'mere."_

"_Do you know what kind of shoes I'm wearing?"_

"_So? Take 'em off."_

"_No, just give me your hand." He held his hand out, and she climbed out. "So, you wanna talk now?"_

"_Nah." He slid down and jumped._

"_Daryl!" She leaned over and found him smirking up at her. "I'm going to kill you!"_

"_C'mon down!"_

"_No. I refuse." She crossed her arms._

"_Why's that?"_

"_Because you're an asshole." _

"_Thought you knew that."_

_She removed her shoes and threw them at him, he simply caught them, and she carefully climbed down. "What now?" She took her shoes. "Do you want to talk or not?"_

"_C'mon." He turned around and bent down._

"_What are you doing?" She was trying not to smile. "A piggyback ride? Are you serious?"_

"_Yeah, a serious piggyback ride. It'll be faster."_

_She got onto his back, feeling awkward because of what happened yesterday, and she tried to not touch his upper back too much. He carried her out to the barn, Carol wondered why the barn of all places, and she figured it was because the barn was the only place none of her friends ever went. Shawn would keep them in the house or try to, and if they ventured out onto the farm, they would be too lazy or too scared to come all the way out here._

_She giggled at his comment as he arrived at the barn and gripped him tighter. She was still mad at how dismissive he was, but she was glad he was here. She wouldn't want to spend her birthday without him. _

_He set her down, they climbed up to the hayloft and she was surprised to find blankets and battery-operated lanterns. He sat down, and she tried to ask him if this is why he left this morning, but she was speechless. She just smiled and sat beside him._

"_Thirsty?" He was digging through hay._

"_Shouldn't I be asking you that?" She tucked a curl behind her ear._

_He pulled out a basket and opened it, pulling out two bottles of green tea. "Here."_

"_Okay, what's going on?" She accepted the bottle and opened it._

"_I asked Andrea and Lori to help distract you while I did this. Shawn, too."_

"_And this is?" _

"_My gift. It ain't a good gift, but ask me anything, and I'll tell you."_

_She lowered the bottle. "Are you serious?"_

"_Yeah."_

_She couldn't think of a question. All of these years and tons and tons of questions piled up, but the moment he wants to tell her anything she wants to know, she's got nothing to ask. "Okay, tell me something, my brain's dead right now."_

"_It didn't start till my mom was dead."_

_She swallowed hard. "You were twelve."_

_He nodded. _

"_That's horrible. Why didn't you tell anybody?"_

"_Who was there to tell?"_

"_Me!"_

"_So you could what? Tell your daddy and have him send me off to foster care? Have the whole town know and give me even more pathetic looks?" He shook his head. "Hell no."_

"_Why? Why did he do this to you?"_

"_'Cause Merle was gone."_

"_He abused Merle too?" She was shocked. Merle was a big guy, very strong, very arrogant. She couldn't imagine someone beating him. He didn't seem like the type to take it. She didn't want to think about Daryl in that way. Part of her kept hoping it was all a lie, but it wasn't. "And Merle just left you all alone with that abusive bastard?"_

"_Guess he didn't care enough." He shrugged. _

"_I doubt that. Merle would do anything to keep you safe."_

"_Why do you do that?" He searched her eyes. _

"_Do what?"_

"_Give everyone the benefit of the doubt."_

"_Because that's how I was raised. Besides, if I didn't, I never would've gotten to know you. I haven't regretted that." She smiled at him, and he felt a blush on his cheeks. "Do they still hurt?"_

"_Sometimes."_

"_Why did you protect me?" she whispered. "I could've taken it."_

"_Why?" He scoffed. "Carol, I wasn't gonna let him hurt you! Not then, not ever!"_

"_That's why you never invited me inside." Her eyes burned. _

"_He drinks all the damn time, and I wasn't gonna chance it. You mean too much to me, and I woulda killed him." _

"_Daryl." She climbed onto his lap and hugged him. "I love you, and I'm so sorry. I wish he wasn't like that." She wished she would've seen it. She wished she could've protected him. It wasn't going to help anybody by wishing, but at least he would know that she would never run. Nothing he told her would make her leave. _

_He rested his forehead against her, and for the first time, he felt closer to her than ever. He'd always felt a great distance between them, no matter how close she physically was to him, but he didn't feel that now. He felt safe and at home. He'd always been gravitating toward her light, and he wasn't afraid anymore. "I love you too."_

"_What did you just say?" Her voice was airy and tears glistened in her eyes. "You've never said that to me before."_

_He grasped her cheeks. "I'm saying it now." He kissed her gently, his fingers slipping into her soft curls, brushing her earrings. He could taste the citrus from the tea on her tongue, and he noticed she was kissing him with a longing. He didn't want to forget tonight. She was leaving in three months, and he was going to make the most of their time together._

_She pulled back, breathless. "We should go back," she murmured, "Shawn's in charge, and they're probably destroying the house."_

"_Yeah?"_

"_But I don't care." Her heart was racing. "And I don't want to stop, so please tell me you have a condom."_

"_I don't."_

_She bit her lip then remembered what he said. "Lori, you said?" He nodded, and she searched the basket, finding a lovely note from Lori and Andrea with a few "gifts" inside. "For once I'm glad I have prevents for friends." She met his eyes. "Do you want to?"_

"_Yes, I do." He grasped her hand, taking the condom. "But are you sure? We're in a barn."_

"_I don't care about the place. All I care about is you. All I want is want you." She smiled at him. "I love you."_

"_I love you." He pulled her closer and kissed her. He could feel she was nervous, so was he, but they weren't kids. They were adults, and this was something would eventually do. Something they wanted to do. They had protection, and no one was going to rush into the barn, so they had privacy too. They could just be with each other, and that was the best gift anyone could've given her._

_His hand slid up her smooth skin toward her shoulder and tugged on the tied strap of her dress, causing it to untie. He did the same to the other side, and her dress slipped down to her hips, leaving her in the white slip. He shifted and set her gently down on her back, breaking the kiss and tugging the first layer off her._

"_How did I know you'd want to be on top?" she teased. _

_He chuckled against her lips, not bothering to comment. Carol was surprised at how she felt about this. She loved how Daryl felt against her, all of his weight and warmth, and soon all of his skin. She was also amazed at how good his hands felt against the bare skin on her back, gently massaging at her muscles, and she felt as if her breathing was too loud, but as his kiss deepened once more, all of her thoughts were scattered. _

_There was awkward and nervous fumbling, but mostly from Carol. She had always thought of herself as someone who'd lose her virginity on her wedding night, but that was before she and Daryl started dating. They'd gotten so close so many times, but knowing that they weren't going to stop tonight wasn't as overwhelming as she thought it would be—it was worse. After tonight, she was really going to be an adult, going off to college and starting a new life. She hoped that Daryl would be apart of that new life. She didn't want to be without him, because he was a part of her. He always would be, and no matter how far away she went or how much time passed, she would love him deeply for the rest of her life._

––

"_Could you smile any more?" Daryl whispered when they rejoined the party, munching on a handful of caramel corn._

"_It's my birthday," she retorted. "I have a right to be happy."_

_He scoffed and took her cup, drinking from it, and she arched a brow, and Shawn took a picture. _

"_Hey, watch the flash!" Carol groaned._

"_Fine, but if anything happens, you'll be sorry I didn't take more pictures." He then took four pictures in a row. _

"_Shawn, your camera will end up in the duck pond if you don't go away." She glared._

"_Shouldn't you be happy right now? Unless you didn't do it righ—"_

"_Oh, my God!" She grabbed Beth's piece of cake and smashed it into his face. "Shut up!"_

_Lori and Andrea busted out laugh, Maggie covered her mouth to try and hide her laughter, and Beth sighed. Shawn pealed the plate off, shaking his head, licking icing and cake off his mouth, and Carol took a picture._

"_All right, fine. It's your birthday. I'll give you a head start. Five."_

"_Shawn—"_

"_Four."_

"_Okay, fine." She removed her shoes and took off running, bolting out the back door._

"_Three, two, one!" He chased after her._

"_It's official," Maggie announced. "Carol's an adult."_

"_Like brother, like sister." Beth crossed her arms. "And just think, we get to do this for you next year."_

_Maggie smirked. "Five."_

"_Mag, I was kiddin'."_

"_Four."_

"_Are you serious?"_

"_Three."_

"_Mag?" Beth backed up. "Maggie, no!"_

"_Two. One!"_

_Beth took off running and Maggie chased her. _

_Daryl shook his head and finished off Carol's drink. Weird ass Greenes._

– – –

"I need some air. Excuse me." Carol left T and Tyreese and stepped outside. She ran her hands through her hair and took inhaled deeply. She looked up and saw somebody across the yard. She squinted and saw Shawn's camera's danging around a woman's neck. She frowned, but as they moved closer, she saw Shawn was with her.

The woman was Sasha Douglas, and she was with Shawn. Actually **with** Shawn, because they were laughing and kissing and holding hands. Holy shit. Shawn's dating Sasha. When did this happen? And why couldn't she stop staring? There were things she never wanted to know Shawn did when he kissed a girl. Like tongue and grabby hands. She'd learned earlier Shawn was an ass man.

"Running away?" Andrea gripped the railing and smiled at Carol. "What are you—? Ah. Shawn and Sasha? I guess they're on again."

"On?" Carol turned to face Andrea. "Again?"

"They've been on-again, off-again for three years. They were engaged last year, but they called it off. They both weren't ready in the end." She shrugged. "I think Shawn was scared that something would happen...like what happened with you and Daryl."

"What?" Her throat was closing.

"Everyone just knew you and Daryl were going to get married and have beautiful babies, and you almost did, but when you left, it was like...a destruction of fairytale endings."

Carol frowned. She had no idea her relationship with Daryl effected anyone else. If her leaving Daryl was the reason Shawn wasn't married to Sasha with kids of his own who he would love and cherish then she had a lot more to do to make up to them than she thought. How many people had been effected by her leaving than just Daryl? She needed to talk to Shawn, because if he was pushing pause with Sasha because of her disappearing act then she needed to snap him out of it.

"Sophia's really sweet," Andrea broke through Carol's thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, right."

"I'm glad you were able to have a child." She crossed her arms. "Your sisters really seem to adore her."

Carol glanced over at her. "What's wrong?"

"It's just... Since you left, I haven't heard from own sister, and just seeing you all together like old times reminds me that it isn't like before, and I may not even have a sister." She sniffed.

What? Amy told her she talked to Andrea sometimes. Amy lied? Why would she lie about that? Amy never lied before. So...what the hell happened to her that she has to cover it up? Like Carol's lying to cover up the sexual and physical abuse Ed dealt her. God no, not Amy. "Amy's alive, Andrea."

Her eyes brightened. "Have you heard from her? Do you know where she's staying?"

"No, I don't. I'm so sorry. I just saw her the other day...on the street, but it was the same day Sophia got hit by the car, so..."

"What are you saying? Sophia was hit by a car. Besides, you didn't know. God, I'm so sorry that happened to you both."

"Thanks." She was getting tired of hearing sorry. "If you ever want to talk, I have no life."

She laughed, and even Carol laughed. "I may take you up on that offer. C'mon, let's give them some space." She took Carol's arm and led her inside.

The evening wasn't so bad, Carol caught up with Andrea and Lori. Lori was married to Rick Grimes and had a little boy, Carl. She was living across town, but she invited Carol to come over any time she had a chance, because Sophia and Carl were becoming friends. They were actually adorable together, and it was nice that Sophia was making friends with something other than a stuffed animal.

Andrea was single. Her relationship with Shane Walsh ended a while ago, and she was trying to get in touch with Amy, to see how she was, to see if she was still alive even. She was glad that Carol had seen her. Carol wanted to tell her about her job and Paige, but if Amy didn't want Andrea to know then Carol couldn't spill the beans. She'd messed up enough lives as it was.

Carol waited as Shawn and Sasha said goodbye, hidden in the next room.

"I'm glad you could come tonight." He smiled.

"I had time, and I wanted to make sure your niece was okay. When you called, you sounded really distraught. I'm glad she's all right."

"Me too. Little munchkin's really grown on me, and I'm not losing anybody else, not to a car accident."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him flush against her. "Do you plan on having your own some day?"

"My own what? My own car accident? No, I plan on that." He smirked.

She repressed an urge to roll her eyes. "Munchkins."

"I don't think I'll ever be mature enough for that." He tucked hair behind her ear. "Is this about us again? 'Cause I thought we talked about this."

"I love you, Shawn Greene, but I won't wait, certainly not forever."

"Look, we'll have dinner tomorrow night, and we'll talk. Actually talk. I'll be mature and no clip-on ties." She laughed. "I love you, Sasha Douglas." He kissed her.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodbye, beautiful."

"You get tackier as the days go by, you know that?"

"Fine, we're eating at a real shitty place. No napkins or table manners, and really bad lighting."

"I dare you to try." She kissed him. "Good night."

He waited until she was in her car before he closed the door, and he turned. "Come out."

She stepped out, hands up. "Sorry, beautiful, I was curious."

"Ha ha." He folded his arms over his chest. "You're not the only one who found someone."

"You and Sasha?"

"Well, since I don't date my sister's friends, it was her or I become gay."

"I can't believe you're dating Sasha. I'm...stunned. I can't grasp it. I just have the image of Sasha in grade school, you know with the knee socks and braid. Also that one of her firefighter helmet from the third grade."

"Well, she still has the knee socks, but those are only for me." He grinned to himself. "She also wears part of the uniform for only me."

"You're disgusting!" She smacked him, but she smiled. "You two look happy together."

"I do love her. I just... I dunno. I'm not the marrying type." He shrugged. "It's a lot."

"Not really."

"Oh, please. We'd be living together, and everything would come together, like our fiances and clothes and—just no." He sat on the stairs. "Besides, I'm not ready for that."

"Why not?" She took the space beside him. "I always used to talk to you about marriage and kids, but you told me you wanted to get married one day."

"One day in the distant future," he added.

"Does this have anything to do with what happened to me and Daryl? Because marriage didn't destroy our relationship, and I know you—"

"Carol, stop! This isn't about you and Daryl! For once, it's about _me_ and _my_ problems!" He scoffed and left the house.

"Wait, Shawn." She went after him. "What problems?"

"Just leave me be, Carol!"

"Shawn!" She'd never known him to go off that quickly. Normally, he'd hold it in or just walk away. Had she hit her nerve?

"Carol, don't." Beth was holding Sophia, returning from checking the gates. "It's gonna storm tonight, and we have tables out back, so let's just help Mag with the cleanup and leave him be."

She sighed. "Fine. I'll be right in."

"I'm tired." Sophia reached out to Carol. "Tuck me in, please, Mommy."

"Here." Beth gently handed her over. "I'll help Maggie."

Carol looked once more to where Shawn had disappeared then carried Sophia inside. She set her down on her bed, grabbing Dee Dee while Sophia removed her boots. She was already in her pajamas. Carol curled up beside her. "Here you are."

"Where's my little bear?" She snuggled Dee Dee close. "The one Daryl gave me."

"Uhh? I don't know." She grabbed the hospital bag and dug through it. "Ah, here it is." She held it up out of her reach, and Sophia glared. She smiled. "What are you gonna name it?" She handed it to her.

"Him."

"Oh? Him? What's his name?"

"Ethan."

Carol blinked and stammered. "E—Ethan?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "Like the boy in my dreams."

"What?" She felt her heart skip a beat.

"There was a boy named Ethan in my dreams," Sophia explained. "He was there when that car hit me. He was protecting me."

"Protecting you?"

"Uh-huh." She held the pink bear close. "He was so warm. He looked just like Daryl too, and we have the same eyes, I think."

"Honey, what else can you tell me about Ethan?" Carol studied her face to see how serious she was.

"He was small, and he didn't talk, but I knew his name. It was really fuzzy, but I can remember him."

Carol gave Sophia a smile and kissed her forehead. "Baby girl, I love you."

"I love you too, Mommy."

"I'm gonna go brush my teeth, okay?"

"Can we see Daryl tomorrow? I wanna thank him."

"Of course, baby." She slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom. She grabbed her purse and dug out all of the crap she didn't care about right now, and she found the small Ziplock bag. She pulled out the pictures she took that day, seeing the small, pale baby boy who didn't make it. Ethan Russel Dixon, six pounds, five ounce, who looked just like Daryl.

_We have the same eyes, I think._

Carol had to know. She owed it to Daryl, to Sophia and to this beautiful baby boy. Tomorrow, she was going to talk to Daryl about it, and they would get a paternity test done, if he wanted.

She held the picture close to her heart and closed her eyes. He may not have made it, but he was still here, looking out for his little sister. "I love you, Ethan." Tears burned in her eyes. "Thank you."


	10. Sick

"Have fun, okay?" Carol kissed Sophia goodbye on the forehead just before sending her into class. She smiled at Jeanette and wondered where Amy was. Carol went to the front office and ran into Amy. "Oh, sorry!" She jumped back.

"Carol." Amy averted her eyes. "Um, hey."

"I was hoping to see you."

"Really?" Her eyes flickered to Carol's. "Why?"

"I want to talk—really talk. Do you mind if I come over to your house tomorrow?"

"My—my house?" She crossed her arms. "Uh, no, I don't mind."

"Good. Great." She smiled. "Where do you live?"

"Why are you doing this?" Amy demanded softly. "Did Andrea put you up to this? Did Dale?"

"No one put me up to anything, I swear. I just want to talk to you."

"Uh, sure, but after school. I have to get to class." She smiled a little and left the office.

What in the world was wrong with her? She was so jumpy now, and stuttering so much. What happened to her? Carol hoped Amy hadn't been...assaulted and that's why she had Paige so young. Carol was going to find out, and Amy looked like she needed a friend. Carol needed a friend too, and having one that wasn't there all of her life was the type of friend she needed. Karen had to fake her part until she could get away from the lifestyle of the rich on Milton's mid-spring trip. They were coming down to celebrate their anniversary, but mostly because Karen wanted to check on Carol. The only downside was Milton was friends with Phillip who was Ed's brother.

She went to T-dog and Daryl's shop, finding a few kids and T working. She waved to him, and T excused himself, telling the kids to work harder on the Cherokee. "Hey."

"Hey." He smiled. "You came to see Daryl?"

"Yeah, I need to talk to him." She swallowed. "Is he here?"

"Not today. He's off, probably at home."

"Oh, well, thank you." She gripped her purse straps, offered him a goodbye smile and turned to leave.

"Carol, wait." He grabbed her arm. "We needa talk."

"About what?" She tucked hair behind her ear nervously.

"It's about Daryl." She nodded him on. "And you."

"What about us? We're...complicated, but we're trying to be friends. There are things we need to work out, but today...it ought to be resolved."

"Don't mess with him, Carol."

"Mess with him?" She frowned a little. "What do you mean? I'm not messing with him."

T gestured to her clothes, and she looked herself over. "Yeah, you are."

"How? Because of an asymmetrical hem?" She put her hands on her hips. "I just dropped my daughter off at preschool, and I have to go out after speaking with Daryl, I don't want to dress like a slob."

He pursed his lips. "Just don't lead him on, all I'm askin'."

She let out a laugh. "Even if I wanted to date Daryl, there's no way in hell he'd ever trust me again." It was the sad truth. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, when that house is done, make a big dinner and invite me." He grinned.

"Okay, deal." She returned his grinned. "I'll see you soon. Bye." She turned on her heel, more adjusted to wedges now, and she got in her car, driving to Daryl's.

– – –

_Carol rubbed her shoulder, her teeth still aching from the dentist appointment Ed made her go to for her chipped teeth, and she was so exhausted. She was going to take Sophia and crash at Karen's. She didn't want to listen to Ed or expose Sophia to him any longer. God, she hoped Karen would let her soak in a tub. She needed it._

_Carol unlocked the door and went inside, finding candles lit everywhere with the lights off along with rose petals on the floor. She closed the door and set her purse down on the floor. "Ed?" she called out softly. _

_Ed came running down the stairs. "You're home? How are you home?" He looked her over. "I was coming to pick you up." He took her in his arms, holding her tightly, and Carol was confused. "How do you feel?"_

"_Numb." She eyed him, wondering if he had just brushed his teeth to get rid of the alcohol, because he had to be drunk. "I thought you were busy."_

"_I took the day off." He rubbed circles gently into her hands. "I made you dinner. It's not much, but you can eat it, and it's filling." He smiled sweetly._

"_Dinner?" He was going to let her eat? _

_He led her into the kitchen where they were more candles and roses lying on the table. He sat her down and grabbed a bowl from the microwave. It was mashed potatoes. "I bought yogurt and ice cream and other soft foods. If you run out, let me know so I can get you more, just until you can eat solids."_

_She blinked a few times. "What the hell is this?" She stood up. "Are you trying to apologize or what? Honestly, you're freaking me out!"_

_He set the bowl down and grasped her shoulders, pulling her closer. "I love you, Carol, and I am so sorry. I never should've put my hands on you, and I promise you I never will again. I'm talking to a therapist, and I'm going to the gym more. I—I never meant to hurt you, baby."_

_She searched his eyes, and those gray-blue eyes were filled with regret and sorrow for what he had done. He was genuine. "Do you mean that?" Her voice was low, her eyes filling._

"_I do."_

_She hugged him tightly. "I love you too."_

_He kissed her forehead and smiled. "Karen came by and got Sophia so we could be alone. I thought we could talk."_

_She smiled. "I would love to talk."_

– – –

Carol knocked on Daryl's door, feeling a little nervous about having this conversation after the last one they had. She waited only a few seconds before he opened the door, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at her through blurry eyes.

"You look terrible." She frowned. "Are you hungover?"

"Tsk, no. Just woke up. I need coffee."

"I'll make you some." She walked into the house then stopped. "May I come in?"

"Yeah." He closed the door. "What're you doin' here?"

She prepared the coffee then grabbed a cup and fill it with water. She walked over to him and handed the glass to him. She watched him, concerned. "Daryl, you look really bad." She reached up and touched his forehead. "You're burning up."

"Just tired," he assured her.

"And you're sweaty." She frowned. "You're sick."

"Maybe."

"Daryl!" She took the cup. "You need to see a doctor. The last time you got sick, it was really bad. You rarely get sick, so let's just go see Dr. Stookey."

"Why? He'll just tell me the same shit I already know. I'm congested and sweaty and a little dizzy." He shrugged. "Ain't a big deal."

"Fine, then let's go talk to him and make sure." She set the cup down and grabbed his jacket. "Daryl, please."

"Fine." He snatched his coat. "Jesus." He threw it on and stomped out to her car.

She locked the door and hurried to her car. She drove him to see Bob Stookey, and since he was disoriented, she had to fill out his paperwork. She knew all of it, and she made herself his person to contact in case of an emergency. She wanted to make sure he all right.

Daryl, on the other hand, was against it, especially now that they were in the hospital. He hated hospitals. They reeked of death and illness. He didn't belong here. He wasn't going to sit here and listen to them try and diagnose him. That was bullshit.

Carol saw the nurse frown and she turned, finding Daryl stumbling around the waiting room. "Daryl, I told you to sit." She gripped his arm to support him.

"Get off me." He jerked his arm back, tripping backwards three times before catching himself. "I wanna go home. I—I ain't sick. I don't—I don't belong—" Daryl collapsed, blacking out.

"Daryl!" Carol dropped her knees beside him. "Help! We need help!"

Nurses and doctors swarmed him, Lilly Chalmers caught Carol by her elbow and hauled her up as they got Daryl onto a gurney. Carol told them he was sick, that he had a fever and to make him better as Lilly held her in place, but as they moved Daryl, Carol felt the world close in around her.

"Patient's unconscious." He waved a flashlight over his eyes after opening them. "Pupils are unequal and unresponsive."

"What does that mean?" Carol looked from him to Lilly, wanting an answer. "Is he going to be okay?"

A female came over. "What do we have?"

"High-grade fever," he told her, adding more to it, but Carol was just trying to see if he was all right for the moment.

They rushed him toward the back, Carol began to follow, her body just moving on its own, but one of the nurses saw her following them and politely told her, "You're not allow through here."

"But someone should be with him," she insisted. "He shouldn't be alone. Please."

"You're not allow through here," she repeated, slipping through the doors before they closed.

Carol hit the door hard with a closed fist and Lilly set a hand on her shoulder, pulling her away from the door. "Daryl."

"I'll get you some water." Lilly gave her an affection smile then left her.

Carol ran her hands through her hair and checked her watch. She couldn't meet Amy after school today. She had to know Daryl was all right. She needed to talk to Amy, though. Maybe if she had Amy bring over Sophia after school, they could talk a little thing. She had to know what was wrong with Daryl and why he just passed out. A high-grade fever? How did he managed to get so sick? The last time she saw him, he was perfectly fine. He wasn't at all sick. How did this happen? Daryl had the immune system of a god. He never gets sick. Carol always, always, always gets strep throat and the flu and stomach bugs, but not Daryl. He's been sick twice the entire time Carol's known him. How did he get sick this time?

"Here." Lilly sat beside Carol and held out a bottle of water.

"Thanks." She accepted the bottle and stared at it.

"This bug has been going around," Lilly told Carol. "It's been going around the schools mostly. It's powerful. Daryl will be fine in time."

Carol met her eyes, tears in her eyes at the thought of something happening to Daryl. "Powerful? And it's not fatal, is it?"

Lilly hesitated. "Don't worry. Daryl will pull through."

She finally makes a decision, and Daryl gets sick with a powerful and definitely fatal illness. She was willing to find out if his life was about to change forever, and now he may not make it to forever. She shouldn't have done that, even considered doing that to him. Her first opinion was right. He didn't need to know, because he wasn't the father. This had to be a sign telling her that. She was just...killing him, apparently.

"I have to get back to work," Lilly said after a moment, "but I want you to know that Daryl is with our best doctors. They've been busting their asses to get people better, and since Daryl came in so early, they'll probably flush it right out of his system. He'll be home in two days, I promise."

Carol lifted her head. "You think?"

"I know." She nudged Carol. "He's a fighter, and this bug doesn't stand a chance."

"I know he is, but... I've never seen him look like that before," she admitted.

"Don't think about how he looked. It'll only make you feel worse. Why don't you call his brother and let him know?"

"Me?" Carol frowned. "Call Merle?"

"Yeah. Daryl's phone fell out of his pocket, so here." She handed it to Carol. "Call him."

"But—"

"Wouldn't you want to know?" She left then.

Carol whimpered. Merle? The last time she saw Merle, he was talking to Daryl about Ethan. She had nothing to say to Merle, but Merle would have a hell of a lot to say to her. She left his baby brother after two years of marriage, a miscarriage and a stack of divorce papers. He was going to chew her out and probably kill her then Daryl and then her again. God, how the hell was she supposed to talk to Merle Dixon? He was so unreasonable and sarcastic and rude. He had to hate her too. She still hated herself for leaving Daryl, but that wasn't the point right now.

Gathering her courage, she flipped through Daryl's contacts—surprisingly he had a lot—and found Merle. She would have sent him a text, but Merle would've just called when his phone went off. He probably wasn't the texting type.

"Hello?" Merle's voice was husky, groggy. He'd just woken up too.

"Merle? It's Carol Greene."

"Yes, it is." He chuckled darkly. "Back after all this time. Why're you callin' me, Carol "Greene"."

"It's Daryl." She quickly changed the subject. "He's really sick, Merle. He's in the hospital right now."

"Sick? Sick with what?"

"They haven't told me anything. He passed out with a high-grade fever and they took him away. I don't know anything, but I assuming it's a flu bug that's been going around. I just thought I'd call and let you know."

"I'll be right down."

"Oh, there's no need to—" she cut off when Merle hung up on her. Great. And there was nowhere to hide either. She had to see him sooner or later, so it was better this way. He would be worried about Daryl's health and not her blatant abandonment of Daryl, but that really didn't matter right now, because Daryl was sick, and they needed to focus on him and hope he got better

––

Merle walked into the emergency room half an hour later, scanning the room, but it was easy to find Carol. She still wore suggestive dresses without knowing they were suggestive. He had to admit he liked her hair longer. With long hair, she looked less like an abused housewife. He saw how she chewed her thumbnail, and he knew they still hadn't told her anything. What the hell did Daryl catch to make him so damn sick?

Carol stood up when Merle appeared beside her.

"Where is he?" Merle studied her face.

"He's still in the emergency room," she assumed.

"I wanna see him."

"They won't let anyone in. I tried, Lilly tried." She crossed her arms. "Oh, good. There's Dr. Stookey."

"Carol Greene." He walked over to them. "Merle."

"Is he okay?" Merle barked.

"We were able to stabilize—"

"Is he okay?" Merle demanded.

"He's going to be fine."

"Damn straight he is."

"I want to keep him here a few days, though. He still has recovering to do."

"Thank you." Carol smiled at him.

"You can him now as well. Follow me."

"Do you want me to stay?" Carol asked Merle, her eyes on Bob Stookey.

"The last time I wanted anything from you, your ass left. What hell do you think?" Merle fell into step beside Bob as Carol dropped her head. "C'mon, "Greene"."

She didn't waste time. She caught up to them and saw them wheeling Daryl toward a room. He was still out of it, but he was conscious. She was so relieved. He looked a lot better, and he even had some color back in his face. His eyes were really blue against his skin still. "Daryl?"

"Merle?" Daryl glanced between the two of them. "Is that your ugly ass?"

"He'll feel better after he's been here a while." Lilly pushed open the door to his room.

"What?" Daryl was pushing himself up. "No. Let me go! I wanna leave!"

One of the male nurses pushed his shoulders down as another grabbed his arms, but Daryl was a big guy, buff too, and they were struggling to hold him steady. Lilly had a sedative ready, and after a few moments of struggling, they managed to keep him still long enough for her to inject him with it.

Daryl groaned as the drug ran through him, becoming very still. "I wanna go home," he murmured.

"You'll be home soon," Carol promised.

"Don't make me stay here..."

Carol and Merle waited as they pushed him into his designated room, Carol shuddered at the tone in Daryl's voice, and Merle shook his head. He hated seeing Daryl like this. No one knew it, but ever since their mom died, Daryl couldn't stand to be in hospitals. He hated them, and Merle couldn't blame him. Hospital visits only came after fucking nightmares were unleashed on them.

"Looks like he's asleep," Merle commented. "Reckon I should call T-dog and tell him Daryl's sick."

"I can call him," Carol offered. She knew Merle wasn't fond of other races, and he and T-dog had gotten into many fights.

"T's been good to my brother, it oughta be me." He backed up and went to find a phone.

Carol watched Daryl for a moment longer then left to get some air. She found Amy in the lobby with the girls, who were in the room full of toys and games, and she offered a slightly confused smile. "It can't be time for them to get out yet," Carol mumbled.

"It's not, but with that flu going around, we thought it would be best to close school for a couple of days. A lot of the teachers have it and now the principal." Amy looked a little pale herself. "I had to disinfect my entire classroom."

"I'm glad I'm not a teacher."

"How's Daryl?"

"They want to keep him here a few days, but he's stable now."

"That's good."

"How are you feeling?"

"Not too great, I'll admit. I'm going to buy soup on my way home and give Paige some vitamins so she won't catch it."

"How about I come by tomorrow?" Carol suggested. "I can make you soup, and if you do get sick, I can tend to Paige. I have a good immune system, so does Sophia, so don't worry about me getting it. How does that sound?" Aside from lies. Good immune system? Her immune system laughed at her as sickness infected her. It was a traitor.

"Really sweet." Amy smiled. "I would love for you to come over, and Paige would love to see Sophia."

"I have...no paper with me or a pen." She felt Daryl's phone on her hip, resting in her pocket and bit her lip. He was sick and in the hospital, so he wouldn't need it for a while. Besides, she needed a phone anyway, and she would repay him eventually. He would never notice. She grabbed his phone and found his contacts, adding Amy and she added the address Amy gave her.

"Just call before you come, okay?"

"Yes, of course."

"I'll get the girls." She tried to walk away before Merle came over to them.

"Amy?" Merle blinked and did a once-over. He hadn't seen her in five years, but she looked a hell of a lot better now than she did then. Her hair was longer, her eyes weren't bloodshot, and she wasn't living with a bunch of meth heads. What happened to change her, he wondered.

"Um, hi." She smiled.

"You know each other?" Carol heard the surprise in her voice. "From where?"

"Around," Merle replied, unable to look away from her. "It's been a long time."

"Five years." Amy nodded.

"You look good."

"So do you." Amy began to feel uncomfortable, so Carol went to see the girls to give them some space. Amy didn't want Carol to know what she was like before, but Carol would figure it out, especially now. She had to tell Carol the truth. She had to tell her how she knew Merle, not let Carol jump to conclusions. "Are you clean now too?" Amy whispered.

He nodded. "Somebody had to look after my brother."

"Good for you." She tried to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist. "No, Merle, don't."

"Amy, look, I wanna talk."

"Well, I don't." She met his eyes. "We have nothing to talk about. The only thing we had in comment back then were drugs, but we're both clean now, and I can't afford to not be. I have responsibilities now, a decent job, and people I have to take care of, so let me go."

He released her. "If your old dealer gives you any shit, tell me."

"Why?"

"Just tell me."

"You don't owe me anything," she promised.

"Just lemme know." He left the hospital then to smoke a cigarette.

Paige grasped Amy's hand, and Amy bent down, smiling at her. "Can we go horseback riding?"

"What?"

"Sophia wants to invite you both to come horseback riding with us." Carol slipped her hands into her back pockets. "Not today since you don't feel well, but maybe some Wednesday? Shawn's usually home on Wednesdays. He's a really good teacher."

"Um, sure. Why not? It sounds like fun. I'll let you know a date."

"Yes! Thank you, Mommy!" Paige hugged her.

Amy laughed at her daughter's excitement and gave Carol a thank you smile, and Carol was glad to see Amy happy. She was worried about her. How did Amy know Merle? The only way they knew each other was if Amy did drugs five years ago before she got pregnant. Amy wouldn't risk her child like that, and Carol knew Amy wasn't using now, so five years ago Amy and Merle were...what? Drug buddies? Was he her dealer? Why would Amy ever do drugs? How bad did Amy's life get to make her want to do drugs?

Amy had problems too. Maybe Carol could, at least, help her with them. Maybe.

– – –

Daryl woke up in the hospital at six in the morning. He kicked the blankets off and ripped the IV out of his wrist. He got out of bed and wandered out into the hall, ignoring the knot in the robe he wore. He could hear coughing from all of the rooms around him. Peering into some, he discovered a bunch of teenagers and kids had caught the same flu he had.

Daryl was looking for the exit, but between the sedative and the flu, his vision was shit. It was all a blur and the ground shift underneath him, he wasn't getting anywhere anytime soon.

A baby's cries drew his attention. He found a room with a set of parents and a newborn baby. He wasn't sure if it was girl or a boy since it was wearing white jammies, but the baby was obviously sick. He could see the worry and fear in the parents' faces, and he wondered if the baby was sick with the same flu he was sick with or if it was something else entirely.

"Excuse me, Mr Dixon." Lilly rushed over to him. "You shouldn't be out of bed."

"What's wrong with it?" Daryl asked, nodding his head toward the baby.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with. You need to focus on getting yourself better. Now, come on."

"Is he gonna be all right?"

She could see Daryl wasn't going anywhere until he knew what was wrong with that infant. She went to see, asking the nurse about the child, and she returned to find Daryl leaning against the wall, even more pale. "I will tell you, but only when you're lying down."

"Fine," he grumbled.

She helped him back to his room and placed the IV back into place. "The baby is going to be just fine. It's just an ear infection. Happy?" She didn't get a grumble, so she looked up and saw he'd passed out. She set a hand on his forehead and shook her head. Poor guy.

She wet a cloth and placed it over his forehead, gently pressing it against his forehead. "Good night, Daryl." She left the room and closed the door.

––

Daryl turned his head and opened his eyes, seeing Dr. Stookey beside him, looking over his chart. He felt heavy, and he wasn't sure he could move. He was so tired.

"Good morning."

"Coulda fooled me." He lifted his hand to his forehead.

"How are you feeling?" He glanced over the chart. "Looks like your fever's gone down."

"Then I should go, give y'all more room."

"Not so fast." Daryl groaned. "Soon. We have to make sure that fever's gone. That's a strong virus you had, maybe not as strong as you."

Daryl glared.

"May we come in?"

Daryl looked over and saw Sophia and Carol.

"Yes, maybe you can keep our patient from bolting." He closed the door on his way out.

"Hey!" Sophia smiled at him as Carol lifted her onto the bed. "Good morning!"

"Sophia, not so loud, honey." Carol was digging through her purse.

"It's all right." He sat up. "Those for me?"

"Uh-huh." Sophia tied the get well soon balloons to his bed. "I don't have school today, so I ask Mommy if we could see you. How are you?"

"Not too good." He shrugged. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm sad you're sick." She crossed her legs. "I wish you felt better."

"Me too."

Carol sat down beside him and continued to dig through her purse, ignoring him.

"So, no school?" He sniffed.

"This bug's gotten a lotta people sick." She frowned. "My friend's mommy is sick too."

"Sorry to hear that." He wondered what Carol was looking for. Either she was ignoring him by relentlessly digging through her purse or she was trying to find something important. He knew Carol kept most things neat, so she was avoiding talking to him. He wanted to talk to her, so how did he get her attention?

"Oh, no, no, no." Carol tucked hair behind her ear and pulled something smeared with lipstick out of her purse. "Damn it."

"What is that?" He couldn't tell.

"Is that my card?" Sophia frowned.

"No." She set the item down and handed Daryl Sophia's card. "Excuse me." She grabbed the item and went into the bathroom.

Daryl opened the red envelope and found a get well soon card to match the balloons inside. He read what it said, finding a cute—yet poorly drawn—doodle of him in the hospital inside. "Thanks, Sophia."

"You're welcome." She smiled. "I like Mommy's better."

"Like her what better?"

"Her card. She's really good at picking out cards. I just doodle." She shrugged.

Daryl frowned. She got him a card? That's what that thing was. Her lipstick must've opened and gotten all over it. "Excuse me." He stood up and went to the bathroom, finding Carol groaning in annoyance inside. "Carol?"

"Hold on." She wiped her hands on a paper towel then removed the card from the envelope. She held it out to him and tossed the envelope.

He read the cover and opened it, finding paint samples inside, and he chuckled. "How'd you know?"

"Shawn. He told me last night. After the accident... I'm sorry it took me so long."

"Nah, don't worry 'bout it. Kid needed you more than that house."

"Look, Daryl...I have plans with Amy in an hour, so I need to go to the store. I just wanted to drop these off. Merle's gonna come by too." She shouldered her purse and slipped by him. "Beth and Maggie sent the flowers, by the way." She motioned to the vase. "They brighten the room."

"You're goin' now?"

"But I will be back. We have paint to decide on." She smiled. "Until then sleep well and be good. Lilly told me you tried to escape last night."

"Tsk."

"That's an order," Sophia added.

"Great, now a four-year-old's bossin' me around."

"Is it working?"

Carol laughed. "C'mon, honey." She picked her up. "Let's go meet Paige and Amy. Goodbye, Daryl."

"Bye, Daryl."

"See you later then."

She nodded and left to go meet Amy. She called to check on her before pulling out of the hospital parking lot, but Amy's neighbor answered and told her Amy didn't want her to come over today. Carol could hear Amy coughing and possibly vomiting in the background, and then the neighbor hung up on Carol.

"How rude."

"What?" Sophia asked.

"Nothing. I don't think we can go see Amy today, honey. She's really sick."

"Okay." Sophia sounded disappointed. "I wanna make her a card."

"All right. We gotta go to the store anyway." Carol set the phone in her purse and backed out, going to the local store. She ran into Maggie there, and they shopped together. It was strange since the last time they stopped together, Maggie was still trying to decide if Beth should use tampons or pads.

"Vitamins?" Maggie pushed the cart.

"I am not getting sick." She grabbed her usual, and Maggie looked them over, wondering why she needed so many, and one of them caught Maggie's eye. "Do you need toothpaste, Sophia?" She dropped a bottle of kid's vitamins in the cart as well.

"Yeah." Sophia was playing with Maggie's badge.

"Uh, Carol?" Maggie held up a bottle. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Carol looked at the bottle. "No. Why?"

"This is birth control."

"Yeah, so?"

"So? Are you seein' somebody?"

"Birth control has more uses than preventing pregnancies."

"Fine. How are you going to afford all of this? Did you get a job?" She set the bottle down and followed Carol with the cart.

"Dad gave me some money for groceries," she replied.

They picked the rest of the items and checked out, Carol helped Maggie load them into the trunk, and Maggie went home with Carol since she'd gotten a ride with Rick and was going to just call Beth to pick her up after class.

Carol glanced back at Sophia and saw her playing with Ethan.

– – –

"_I'm fine to go by myself," Carol insisted, smoothing the baby blanket Beth had finished making over the bed. "It wasn't major. He said it was normal."_

"_I can be there all the same," Daryl grumbled._

"_I'm a big girl. If I need you, you're a phone call away."_

"_Fine, be stubborn."_

"_I love you too."_

"_I gotta go. T's here."_

"_Bye."_

"_Bye." _

_She sighed and looked over the nursery once more, smiling at all the work they'd done, and she set a hand on her stomach. "This is your room, Ethan. Your daddy made almost everything all for you." She turned the light off. "You'll love it."_

_In the morning, Daryl had gone with T to inspect the shop across town, and Carol went to her appointment. Beth and Annette had to work the cafe today, and Maggie was helping Hershel with the cattle, so it was just her. She didn't mind. She just wanted to make sure everything okay. It was just a little blood in her urine. Just a little._

"_Hey." Lilly smiled at Carol. "You look adorable."_

"_Oh, I feel adorable." She leaned back, trying to relax._

"_Are you nervous?" She pushed Carol's shirt up. "About going through labor?"_

"_Terrified." She let out a nervous laugh. "Mom isn't helping alleviate my fear either."_

"_Well, I'm sure you'll do fine." She began the examination to make sure everything was all right, and Carol watched her face. "Hold on." She stood up. "Let me grab a new one. This thing is so old."_

"_Okay." Carol watched her closely, especially when she came back with new equipment, and Carol's heart beat slowed down as Lilly didn't meet her eye. There were no sounds in the entire hospital as Lilly searched the screen with a guarded look in her eye. "Lilly?"_

"_Umm, excuse me for a second, honey." She smiled warmly then left the room, closing the door, but it was open just enough for Carol to see Lilly wave over Dr. Caleb Subramanian and have a whispered conversation. He came into the room, and Carol felt panic flood through her._

"_What's going on?" She looked from Lilly to Caleb. _

_He did the same thing as Lilly, but he turned to her and spoke. "I'm very sorry, Carol, but your baby's...gone."_

"_What?" Carol must not have heard him correctly. _

"_Your son is dead. I'm very, very sorry."_

"_Uh, could you check again? He's fine. I can feel him, and he's fine."_

"_Carol," Lilly began._

"_Just check again! You're wrong!"_

"_We're not wrong," Lilly gently said. "Did you come with anybody?"_

_Carol swallowed hard, numb to everything. "No. No, I came alone."_

"_Is there anyone you want me to call? Your husband?"_

_The room became one massive blur as Lilly spoke, and Carol couldn't make sense of anything. She kept thinking over everything that happened the past nine months, and she was trying to understand what went wrong. He was fine just yesterday. He was kicking. He even had the hiccups, so how could what they said be real? He was fine..._

_The world seemed to melt away, Daryl was there now, talking to the doctor, and he was upset. He had to swallow his feelings for Carol. He had to be there for her, but at the look on her face, he was worried that she might **not** be there. Her eyes were empty as she gazed off, looking at nothing in particular, and she was so still._

_They made plans for her to give...birth tomorrow, and they made arrangements for his...funeral. Daryl did most of the talking, holding Carol's hand tightly, and he took her home. He wasn't sure what to do, but he called Hershel and let him know what happened. Daryl could hear the pained cries from Annette as Hershel told her, and Daryl had to hang up, because he couldn't handle that. He could barely handle the emotions inside of him._

_He joined Carol in bed, wrapping his arms around her, and she gripped his hand tightly. He kept waiting for her to cry, but she didn't. He watched over her through the night, and in the morning, they went to the hospital, not calling anyone, they waited for the medication to take effect. They didn't speak much, Carol kept twisting her wedding band, and Daryl chewed his bottom lip. It was so quiet. They could hear everything. Every footstep, every scribble a pen made and every single sad, whispered word._

_And it only got worse when Ethan was... When he came out. He was cold and blue, but the staff told them this was the only time they'd have him with, so they should make the most of their time with him. _

_Carol held her son in her arms, looking him over. They'd wrapped him in a little blue blanket, little hat on his head, and the only diaper he'd ever wear. He was beautiful, like his father. She looked over his little face. He had her nose, his father's chin and mouth. His little mouth that would never draw in a breath or exhale muttered words of annoyance or of love. This baby boy who Carol loved with all of her being...would never get to hear her say those three words, and she would never get to hear him say them back._

_Daryl watched her for the longest time as she examined Ethan then he joined her. They took a couple of pictures with him, Carol took some of his hair, and they said goodbye to baby Ethan. They never even got to say hello, and yet they had to say goodbye? How was that even fair? _


	11. The Truth Beneath The Rose

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_**The winter here is cold and bitter. It's chilled us to the bone**_

_Carol's family were waiting at their house when they returned, Carol didn't want anyone to touch her, and she made it perfectly clear by walking straight by them all and hurrying upstairs the moment they entered the house. Beth fell back onto the couch, her eyes so blue and puffy; Maggie held herself tightly with her arms, her legs pulled up to her chest, from where she sat on the floor, and Hershel was sitting in the armchair with Annette behind him, shaking his head as if to keep the sadness away._

_Annette tried to talk to Daryl, to sooth him by comfortingly squeezing his arm, but Daryl jerked away and went down to the basement. She swallowed and closed the front door. She began to make tea in case Carol wanted some, but she doubted it. She just had to keep herself busy and wait. That's all she could do._

_**I haven't seen the sun for weeks, too long, too far from home**_

_**I feel just like I'm sinking and I claw for solid ground**_

_Daryl found Shawn in the basement with a bottle of whiskey, offering it to him, and Daryl took it, drinking deeply. He didn't know how process any of this. Carol didn't want him around, and he accepted that. He was going to give her space, because he needed some too. He didn't know how to handle this. His son was supposed to be born next week. The due date was next week. They were going to bring him home in that hideous blanket Beth made, and they were going to get no sleep, because Ethan was a baby and had no concept of day or night. They were going to have to deal with smelly diapers and booming cries. The worse thing that was supposed to happen was "baby blues". This wasn't supposed to happen. It shouldn't have been an option, but... Death crept on them and had taken away life that Daryl and Carol had created. It had snatched that innocent baby, and all of the plans and stupid arguing over names and what sport/instrument he would play was smoke on the breeze. Everything they thought was going to happen was gone. Poof._

_How were they supposed go on knowing that the only life they had created together was gone?_

––

_**I'm pulled down by the undertow**_

_**I never thought I could feel so low**_

_Everyone paused when they heard a shattering sound, Daryl ran up the stairs from the basement, seeing Beth and Maggie and Annette looking upstairs, so Daryl went up, finding Hershel outside the nursery. He walked over to him and was about to ask what the hell was going on when he saw what the hell was going on. He clenched his jaw._

_**And oh, darkness I just feel like letting go**_

_Carol was on a rampage. She had destroyed the rocking chair Daryl had made and she had painted, and she used the back to attack the crib. She was crying now, throwing things around and cursing. She had completely trashed the nursery, and when Daryl saw the blood on her hands and nails, he went in and grabbed her._

_**If all the of the strength and all of the courage **_

_**Come and lift me from this place**_

"_Get off me!" She struggled. "Don't touch me!"_

"_Carol! Carol, stop it!"_

_She got free and slapped him in the face, breathing hard, glaring at him. "**You want me to stop? Tell the pain to stop! Tell the goddamn world to stop! Don't tell me to stop!**" She was screaming at him, but it didn't feel good. Nothing felt good anymore. It was all fucked up. "**Don't you dare tell me to stop!**"_

_Daryl stared at her, his cheek unaffected by her slap, but the way she looked at him, **that** made him want to die. How much more useless could he get? He couldn't even sooth his own wife. He couldn't give her a good life with bouncing babies. What the hell good was he?_

"_Carol." Hershel entered the room._

"_**Don't touch me!**" She covered her hand with her mouth, shaking. "**Do not touch me!**"_

"_Hon—"_

_She ran out of the room when Hershel tried to touch her, and the slamming of a door followed._

"_Oh, my God." Beth covered her mouth with her hands at the sight of the nursery._

"_Carol?" Maggie knocked on the door. "Carol?"_

"_Daryl." Annette rushed over to him, seeing the blood and grasping his face gently. "Are you okay?"_

"_Ain't mine," he managed. "Carol's."_

_**I know I can love you much better than this**_

_**Full of grace, full of grace**_

_**My love**_

_She didn't care about his personal space boundaries. She cared about him, and she wasn't going to ask for permission. She hugged him, and Daryl tensed, but it went away as she held him. He'd never been hugged by anybody but Carol and that awkward one with Beth, and it was nice. Annette smelled like graham crackers and flowery perfume, and she reminded him a little of his own mother when she wasn't drunk. He felt tears in the back of his eyes._

_**It's better this way, I say. Haven't seen this place before**_

_**Where everything we say and do, hurts us all the more**_

_**Its just that we stayed, too long in the same old sickly skin**_

_Annette rubbed his back. "Don't hold it in," she whispered. "I know what this feels like, and holding it in doesn't make it any better."_

_He wanted to push her away, but he was too weak, too depressed, and he cried. He didn't know which emotion was stronger, but they dragged him down, and they broke him down. He couldn't hold it in anymore. His son was gone, his wife was inconsolable, and everything was fucked up. Everything was tainted, and it would never be good again. He just knew it would only get worse. It always did, and there wouldn't be a better this time. The better was broken and crying alone, and there was nothing he could do for her. Not a fucking thing._

_**I'm pulled down by the undertow**_

_**I never thought I could feel so low**_

_**And oh, darkness I just feel like letting go**_

––

_That first night, Daryl didn't go to their bedroom. He wanted to, but he smelled like alcohol, and he didn't want her to smell that. Annette and Hershel had asked Shawn to go out and get some supplies while they planned the funeral for Ethan, and the girls went upstairs to Carol._

_She wasn't asleep, but she didn't push Maggie or Beth away. They stayed with her all through the night, and they stayed with her until it was time for the funeral the following week. It was a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight, and the service was lovely. Annette had made sure it was. It was very fitting, it made almost everyone cry and since everyone they knew was there, even Merle, it made Daryl and Carol feel even worse._

_Carol had received so many condolences that day, and she couldn't take them anymore. Daryl could see that, so he walked over to her._

"_Do you want me t—?"_

"_No." She looked at him for the first time in days. It was the first time she'd spoken to him in days as well. "I want this to be over. **That's** what I want."_

"_Carol—" He tried to touch her, but she walked away from him._

_Beth noticed and walked over to him. "Give her time."_

"_I'd give her anything," he told Beth, "if she'd just talk to me."_

_She wanted to hug him, but she didn't. She didn't want to make him tense, not after all the tension he had with Carol. "If you need to talk, I'm here. We're all here for you." Beth knew Carol wasn't going to talk about it. She never spoke of her father's death after he died, and she knew she couldn't speak of Ethan now too. _

_**If all of the strength and all of the courage**_

_**Come and lift me from this place**_

_**I know I could love you much better than this**_

_**Full of grace**_

_Daryl saw Merle and excused himself, joining his older brother. "What're you doin' here?"_

"_Came to pay my respects," he admitted. "I'm sorry, lil' brother. This shouldn't have happened. You didn't deserve this."_

_Daryl felt a wave of emotion and tears threatened to stream down his cheeks, but he swallowed them. He'd done enough crying. "Thanks, Merle, for comin'."_

_Merle had no words, no quips, so he just gave Daryl an awkward yet comforting hug. "Go talk to your wife."_

"_Talk? She don't wanna talk to me."_

"_Well, just try. She needs you."_

_Daryl looked over his shoulder, seeing Carol sitting on a bench and closing her eyes. He found himself going over to her, and he sat down beside her. She stayed sitting there, and she took his hand, placing it in her lap and squeezing it, never once opening her eyes, just knowing it was him._

"_Broke little mouse," Merle murmured. It's a big shitty world, and they got a taste of that too damn soon. Merle sighed, seeing the picture of little Dixon and shaking his head. "Rest in peace, Ethan."_

_**I know I can love you much better than this**_

_**It's better this way**_

––

Carol had been out most of the day, leaving Sophia with her family, and Carol was trying to find...peace, perhaps. She'd been dreaming of Ethan again, and it wasn't any easier. She didn't know why he was in her dreams, but she figured it had to do with her never truly accepting with his death. She was trying to.

Ever since that night in her bathroom, she'd really been trying to make peace with it, but it was harder than she thought. He would always be a part of her, and she was scared that she might forget... The pain of losing him was a reminder of him and the many months before that damned day, but she didn't want to associate pain with her little boy. She associated pain with Ed, and she didn't want those two to mix. Ethan was everything, and Ed was nothing. Nothing.

Carol came home pretty late that day, her heart a little lighter. "Am I late for dinner?" Carol set her keys in her purse as she entered the house.

"Nope." Shawn stepped into the hall with a slice of pizza. "Mushroom and sausage with cheese stuffed crust."

"My favorite." She dropped her shoes onto the floor. "Where's everyone at?" She went into the kitchen and filled a glass with soda.

"Dad took the girls and the munchkin to see Mom. They'll be back at nine or so." He shrugged.

"Sophia has a bedtime. Do they know that?" She grabbed a slice of pizza.

"I didn't tell them to take her out."

She looked at him. "Okay, you're jittery. What happened? Did Sasha come by?"

"No...well, yeah, but no." He tossed the crust into the box as she looked at him with confusion on her face and wiped his hands on his jeans, no longer hungry. "We had lunch at the cafè today."

She nodded, taking a bite of pizza.

"Yeah, it turns out the reason she was asking me about kids is because she's pregnant."

She choked. "W—what?"

"Yep. Three months pregnant." He dropped onto the chair beside him. "I'm gonna be a dad, Carol. A _dad._ I am too immature and irresponsible to be a dad."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. Tell me everything." She moved into the chair next to him with her drink and slice of pizza.

"I met her for lunch, and it was normal. She had on this sexy little black dress, and she was wearing the green tinted diamond on her necklace, which I gave to her on our first anniversary, and I thought that was weird." His eyes were so wide, and Carol was a little worried. "She was listening to me talk about some bratty little assholes I had to take pictures for, and she was laughing. She has the cutest laugh. Have you heard it?"

"Okay, stop. You need to calm down. Here." She handed him her soda. "Drink. This'll take the edge off the obviously delayed shock."

Once Shawn had started blinking again, he thought about his afternoon, realizing now that this should've been more obvious then.

– – –

_Sasha was waiting at their table, the sun was shining outside, and she had her head in her hand, letting her other hand rest in her lap. Her shoulder-length black hair was straight with a few pins to keep it out of her face, her dress fit her _very_ well, but she looked a little nervous. He was half an hour late. Those damn kids were annoying and very, very slow to move into position, not to mention easily distracted. They were beneath dogs. At least dogs listen, if bribed._

"_I'm sorry I'm late." He kissed her, and she smiled at him. "Were you waiting long?"_

"_Not very long." She shrugged a shoulder. "Mom's making pasta, but I came by earlier and asked for some, so hopefully it'll be done soon." Jacqui made meals for only the family. They were off the menu, so they would have to pretend they brought it. Otherwise the other customers would think this would try and order it too, and Mom didn't want to deal with that mess._

"_I love pasta." He studied her. "Are you all right? You seem...distracted."_

"_I'm fine. Tell me about your bratty kids?"_

"_It was for a couple of teenagers. They wanted to make their mother a book of pictures for her birthday. It was a pain in the ass. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get the attention of two eight-year-olds and two twelve-year-olds? I swear they were on a sugar high too." She laughed at his exasperated expression. "The oldest one was seventeen, and him, I liked. He managed to control them. Why do people want more than one kid? Let alone five?"_

_She let out a nervous laugh. "I don't know." _

"_I think I hate kids." At least other peoples' kids anyway._

"_How were the pictures?"_

"_Fantastic, of course. I took them." He shook his head, honestly exhausted._

"_What's wrong?" She could feel that he was upset. She didn't want to bring it up right away, because she wanted them to enjoy their lunch, but he looked so tired, sick almost. She was worried about his health. _

"_It's Carol," he admitted. "Something's changed." _

"_Of course. It's been five years."_

"_I know, but I think something happened to her. It wasn't good either." He rubbed his eyes._

"_Have you slept?" She hated when he did this. Whenever he was upset, he wouldn't sleep. He couldn't. She used to catch him staring out the windows whenever he spent the night and had a lot on his mind. She tried everything to get him to sleep—teas, pills, warm milk, massages—but none of it worked. "You look really tired."_

"_I am." He ran a hand through his hair. "I need coffee."_

"_I'll get you one." She stood up and went over to the counter, getting his usual._

_He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to wake up, but he couldn't. He couldn't sleep either. He was just worried about Carol. He knew something happened to her. He didn't know what, but it was **something.** He had no idea how to ask her or how to get her to tell him. He would find a way, but not in this state. Man, it really hit him how tired he was._

"_Shawn!" _

_He didn't realize he was falling out of his seat until he hit the floor, and Sasha and Jacqui were swarming around him. "Ow." He gripped the back of his head._

"_Ty," Jacqui called to her son, "come and help us get Shawn into the car."_

_Tyreese helped Shawn up, Sasha grabbed her purse and his keys. She thanked Tyreese for helping her then she drove him back to her place and helped him inside. She really hated the steps to her apartment, because they nearly tripped on them. _

_She called her mom and told her they made it safely. Sasha tossed her shoes into her closet and climbed onto the bed beside him. "You're still up?" She frowned._

"_I have a headache." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry I fell and ultimately ruined our lunch."_

"_Don't worry about it. Mom had been giving me snacks anyway." She ran her fingers through his shaggy hair, trying to lull him to sleep. "I wanted to talk to you, but you need sleep more than we need to talk."_

_He caught her hand and kissed her palm. "I love you, Sasha Douglas."_

"_I love you, Shawn Greene." She was amused. "Now sleep."_

"_I'm sorry about before," he blurted. "I shouldn't have done that to you, and I know I can never make it up to you, because it was a horrible thing, but I'm glad you never gave up on me."_

"_I can see you, Shawn. I always have been able to." She smiled softly. "I've forgiven you, but you can't, can you?"_

"_I was raised better than that," he muttered. "What the hell is wrong with me?" _

"_Shawn, stop it. It was a long time ago, and it doesn't matter anymore. I trust you, and I love you, so just let it go." She lied down beside him and ran her fingers through his hair._

_He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. _

_She watched as his head dropped to the side, his hand went limp on hers and his breathing became even. She smiled and kissed his cheek, resting her head on his chest. She had forgiven him for what he done, but he couldn't, because he felt as though he betrayed his father. That's why. She had always wondered why he so persistent and why he felt the need to make it up to her. It was hard on her, but she's tough. She's a firefighter, and she knew how easily things could go up in flames, and she wasn't going to let what happen linger and cause her more pain. It happened, she suffered, but she moved on. Clinging to the past wasn't going to get her anywhere. That's why Shawn was still living at the farm in his childhood bedroom and taking crap jobs when he could be great._

_She slid off the bed and changed out of her dress and into his gray hoodie. It was long enough to be a dress, and it was comfortable. She walked around her apartment. It wasn't big enough for a baby. It was barely big enough for her. She didn't have a lot of stuff, but what she did have was cluttering the living room and the hall. She needed to buy a house and soon. She wanted Shawn to help decorate their baby's nursery, but she had to tell him first. She waited until she was sure, because she didn't want to see his face like it was when Carol lost Ethan, and now she was waiting for the right time. She was going to tell him a while ago, but he canceled their dinner, because Carol came home and brought a lot of stress. Maybe now wasn't a good time, but she was going to start showing even more soon. There was a curve...a thickening visible enough for her mother to blurt it out at the station when she brought her lunch. All of those big, muscled men...they were more teary than her mother was. _

_She looked over houses for sale while Shawn rested, snacking on fruit, and she noticed that Shawn's old house was for sale. Why would they put that house up for sale? It was a beautiful house, and the guy that bought it added a deck with a pool. It was near the Greene's farm, and there was a lot of land. She could get that dog she's always wanted._

"_What time is it?" Shawn stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand._

_She checked her watch. "Five."_

"_Damn it." He felt horrible. "I'm sorry."_

"_Don't be. I had some things to take care of anyway." She bit into an chocolate-covered orange jelly._

"_Like what?" He stood behind her. "You're moving?"_

"_Yeah. I need a bigger place." _

"_Why?" He took one of the jellies and bit into it. "Ew!" He spit it out into his hand. "What the hell was that?"_

"_An orange jelly." She took the rest of his and ate it as he washed the rest off his hand. _

"_I thought you hated them." He wiped his hands on a dishrag. _

"_Well, I was craving them." _

"_Okay. Tell me next time, 'cause I still hate them." He sank into the chair beside her. "Why do you want to move?"_

_She met his eyes. "Because I'll need room for the baby."_

"_What? You have plenty...of...room." His eyes widened. "Baby? What baby?" _

"_The president's. I guess because I'm black, he feels he can trust me." _

"_That's not funny!"_

"_Ours." She watched his expression. "I'm pregnant."_

"_You're pregnant?" he repeated. "Are you absolutely **sure** you're pregnant?"_

"_Shawn, I've been pregnant for three months." She folded her arms on the table. "How have you not noticed? Because it's actually impressive."_

"_Are you trying to tell me I'm incredibly stupid and a bad boyfriend for noticing something different with you or that I'm going to be a father?"_

"_You're not a bad boyfriend. A little dense, but not a bad boyfriend." She smiled. "You're going to be a father."_

"_Here comes the panic." He exclaimed, "And you're just telling me **now**?!"_

"_I wanted to make sure. The first few weeks are always risky, I didn't want to see your face if anything went wrong and then things got complicated with your family, so I just put it off."_

"_But you're a firefighter," he pointed out. "You can't...fire fight while pregnant."_

"_Really? See, I need you, I didn't know that." She smirked. "I'm not stupid, Shawn, but I am healthy and so is our baby. I have a sonogram, if you want to see it."_

"_Hell, yeah, I wanna see it."_

_She went into her bedroom then came back a few moments later, holding out a strip of papers. "I went to the doctor's today, actually, and I have a recording of the heartbeat, if you want to hear it." _

_He looked over the sonogram as Sasha pointed out what was what, and he felt his chest tightened. He was going to be a father in...what? Six, seven months? His biggest concerns this morning were whether or not to brush his teeth and expanding his business and if he could have a muffin or an apple for breakfast, but now... Now he was a father. His girlfriend of three years was pregnant with his child. _

"_I wanted to wait until you were with me before I found out the sex." _

"_I can't believe this." He was out of his seat. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"_

"_I wanted to, but it never seemed like right time."_

"_There is no "right time". There's only now, so why didn't you tell me the minute you found out?"_

_She shrugged._

"_No, don't shrug. Tell me."_

"_I was scared, all right? I'm twenty-five, I'm not married, and I don't even have a toaster, but I'm pregnant! I was careful. We were safe, so I don't know how this happened."_

"_Three months?" She nodded, and he did the math in his head and sighed. "That frigging party Tara threw for her girlfriend, Alyssa."_

"_Let's never tell our child he or she was conceived in a photo booth."_

_They laughed._

"_Or possibly the front seat of my car."_

"_Or bathroom."_

"_God, we were horny." She laughed, and he smiled. "You're pregnant."_

_She nodded. _

"_Then I'm gonna do this right." He closed the space between them. "Sasha Douglas, let's live together."_

"_You want to live together?"_

"_Well, half of my crap's already over here, and I've discovered a lot of your crap at my place."_

"_Like what?"_

"_That lace thong, for one."_

_She laughed. "That wasn't mine."_

_He shuddered. "I'm going to pretend it was yours then." It was easier and more enjoyable if he pretended it was hers and not one of his sisters'._

"_Well, Shawn Greene, I wanna live with you too, but we're going to need a house."_

"_I completely agree." He grabbed the paper and led her into the living room, pulling her into his lap when he sat on the couch. "A house?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I have money saved up."_

"_As so I." _

"_All right, now you're just copying me." He smirked._

"_All right, I'm copying you."_

"_Fine, after we find a house, we're having sex."_

"_Fine, after we find a house, I'm calling my relator and having it inspected."_

"_And thus begins the no sex portion of our relationship."_

_She laughed and kissed him. "I have a house in mind, but it's entirely up to you." She showed him, and he did a double-take. "It's your old house."_

"_Yes, it is."_

"_What?"_

"_It's a good house, but I don't know." He ran his thumb over her shoulder. "Living there as an adult, raising our kid there? It's weird."_

"_It's been remodeled some. We can go and take a look." _

"_I suppose."_

"_We'll go tomorrow. I have a lot of time, so when are you free?" She grabbed her phone to set a reminder._

"_I'm free after five...er, in the morning." _

"_We can go shopping after. I don't have any suitcases, but luckily most of my stuff's already in boxes, so it'll be easy to move." She felt his hand sliding up her thigh as she made a list. "And we'll have to pack your things as well. Do you want a room for your camera equipment?" _

"_Sure."_

"_Shawn." She didn't look at him._

"_Sasha." He gently rubbed her inner thigh. "I'm listening to every word you're saying."_

"_I bet you are." She lowered her phone. "But my brother is coming by with food in ten minutes."_

"_Sometimes I hate Jacqui." He ran his hands through his hair and rested them on her knees. "What kind of food? I'm starving."_

"_It's all healthy, so probably nothing good."_

"_Then I'm going home to get a pizza, and I'll come by later tonight with "healthy" ice cream."_

"_You have a key."_

_He kissed her deeply, resting a hand on her stomach, feeling a bump, and he placed a kiss to her stomach as well. "I'll even bring a book."_

"_A book?"_

"_Yeah, the first story our kid's hearing is my favorite childhood book."_

"_Bunnicula?" _

"_I should still have a copy." He picked her up, stood up and set her back down on the couch. He snagged his keys out of her purse. "I'll see you tonight, beautiful."_

_She smirked. "Tonight."_

––

He told her the shorter version and left out the whole part about him worrying over her, and she hugged him. He was happy, but he was still worried. It wasn't so much Sasha having a healthy baby as him being a father. How the hell was he going to be a good father? He could barely keep Carol alive growing up, and now he had a kid on the way.

"I'm so happy for you!" She smiled. "You'll be a great father!"

"Lying's a sin."

"Shut up. You will be."

"Lair," he decided. "How was your day?"

"Nothing much. Nothing important, anyway." She shrugged.

"Great then tell me."

"Why?" _Could he not sense that she didn't want to talk about it?_

"Because my girlfriend is creating life as we speak, I need something "not" important right now."

"It _was_ important," she confessed. "I uh, went to Ethan's grave today."

"Oh." He dropped his eyes.

"I'm trying to sort out my feelings," she told him. "I don't want this pain and sadness. I love him, and I always will, but I need to make a place for him in my heart and let go of all that pain. It's the only way I can change that house. I feel Ethan's memory is there, and I'm...I don't know, erasing it? I know I'm not, but I feel like I am."

"Yeah." He nodded.

"I need to...accept what happened—all of it—especially if I'm going to try and be friends with Daryl."

"That's really good, kid. I know you never really coped after Ethan, so I'm proud of you, and I'm here for you." Then he grinned. "Ah."

"'Ah' what?" Carol eyed him.

"You and Daryl. Daryl and you. Alone together. At your old house."

"I'm just fixing it up to be sold, and he's gonna be working at his shop with T."

"Fine, I won't go there. Here, I will go. Do you love him?"

She nodded. "Yes, of course." It's Daryl. She'd always love him.

"Are you in love with him?"

She hesitated.

"Are you?" he pressed.

"I'm n—"

The front door opened, Sophia called to Carol, Beth was laughing and Maggie dropped on the sofa, causing Hershel to nag her to go upstairs. Carol dropped her head and crossed her arms over her stomach, and Shawn had to meet Sasha. He trusted Carol to not tell, so he left her to clean up while he said goodbye to his dad, niece and sisters.

– – –

_Daryl worked on Merle's bike since he didn't need it where he was. Daryl had co-op for fourth, so he he checked out in second. He hated his third, and if he had to sit through another kiddy movie, he would was going to shoot the damn TV and maybe the teacher._

_He was glad to not have to see Carol right now. He had to talk to her, and he didn't even know how to go about it. These things weren't his strong point. He'd never been with someone as he was with Carol. He had to tell her, but he knew she would get mad and try something stupid and get herself hurt. She was smart until someone pisses her off or hurts someone she cares for. The last thing Daryl needed was her confronting his father, but eventually, Carol would figure it out. She was too smart not to, and he'd seen how she was noticing the little winces and flinches._

_Her birthday was coming up as well. They'd made an agreement to just get each other a birthday/graduation gift, so they didn't have to spend extra money, and they both had time to decide what was best to give the other. Daryl still wasn't sure what to get her. He'd known her all this time, but she was hard to shop for, and Daryl hated shopping anyway. If he could con Andrea into it, he would. Huh, maybe he could._

_He sent Andrea a text on his break when they were getting out of school, and he waited for her to reply, sitting on the ground with his back against a car. He heard T call to him to let him know that he was going out to run an errand, probably going to check on Jacqui and their kids, and was leaving Daryl in charge. _

_Daryl's phone vibrated when red hair spilled over his screen, and he found Carol's gray-blue eyes smiling at him. "Carol."_

"_Hey." She crouched down in front of him, respecting his privacy by not looking at his phone. "I figured it was my turn to bring you something while you're working." She set her purse down and dug out a bottle of pop. "Eat this first." She handed him a Snickers ice cream bar. _

"_What're you doin' here?" _

"_I already told you why." She searched his eyes. "Am I in the way? God, I'm so sorry. You're probably busy. I'll just go. I have to help Andrea and Lori with their prom dresses anyway, so excuse me." She started to stand up, but Daryl grabbed her wrist._

"_You don't gotta go."_

"_But I thought—"_

"_I didn't mean to sound so cold." _

"_It's okay. I should've sent you a text." She tucked hair behind her ear. "Where's T-dog?"_

"_Runnin' some errand."_

"_So, you're in charge?" She leaned closer to him. "And we're alone?"_

"_For now."_

_She kissed him, he pulled her onto his lap, and her hands rested against his neck, slowly sliding up to his cheeks. His phone vibrated against his leg, but he wasn't going to answer it. However the person was persistent and kept calling._

_Carol broke the kiss and answered his phone, already knowing who it was. "Hello?"_

"_What did I tell you?" It was T-dog._

"_How do you know we're doing anything? We could be talking."_

"_If you were "talking", Daryl woulda answered. Before I even called."_

"_Fine. Here's Daryl." She handed him the phone._

"_Hello?" Daryl paused. "Alright. Yeah, I'll do it. See you then." He hung up. "I gotta go help him."_

"_I have to help pick out dresses."_

"_Come by tomorrow."_

"_Okay." She kissed him goodbye and left before she was late and had to deal with Lori using that against her and conning her into prom. She really didn't want to go, but Lori used the same excuse everyone else did: it's your senior prom. She wasn't the type of girl who went to prom, and she had plans of her own. _

––

_Carol went to T-dog's shop the next day, and she spent some time with, learning about one of the cars he was working with. She found it interesting, and she even asked to help. T-dog was the best guy she knew, and he let her help, but only a little since it was someone else's car. She'd gotten him to tell her Daryl was coming in at four._

"_Will it work?" Carol asked._

"_Yeah, just needs a little tendin' to." He pointed behind him. "Get me that toolbox, and I'll show you."_

_Carol picked up the toolbox, but a few wrenches fell out, so she bent down and picked them up. At least it wasn't anything expensive and fragile. If it was, she still had almost a thousand dollars in her bank account. She heard the front door open, and she checked her watch. It was five till. _

"_Hey, T," Daryl called into the garage. _

"_Yeah?" _

"_I'm gonna work on the Hyundai 'round back. If Carol comes by, tell her...somethin'. I don't want her to know I'm here."_

"_Uh..." T-dog glanced at the Craftsman's tool chest then at Daryl, and Daryl followed his gaze and Carol stood up, holding wrenches. "Does anybody hear a phone?" He looked around as he bolted from the room._

"_Carol..."_

_She walked over to him. "I thought if I loved you for the both of it, it would be enough. We could be happy. I was so stupid." She slammed the wrenches down at his legs and stormed out of the garage. She grabbed her purse from the counter and slipped it on, trying to remember where her car was. She'd parked in the back, so Daryl wouldn't see it. She hurried to get her car, but she had a feeling he wasn't coming after her._

_She dug out her keys when she found her car, and in a rush, she dropped her phone. The screen cracked. "Are you kidding me?" She picked it up. Just great. She threw it into her purse and unlocked her door, opening it only to have a hand slam it shut. "What the hell now?" she snapped, glaring at him, stunned to see him there._

"_Carol, wait." _

_She held her hand out. "Hi, I'm a human being. What are you?" She glared and crossed her arms. "God, you asshole. You want me to stay away, fine. You got your wish."_

"_No! It ain't like that." He shut the door again. "I do want you 'round."_

"_I heard you!" She was so angry she wanted to cry and hit him—with her car!_

"_C—"_

"_No! No, waiting! No, Carol! You've been distant for months, and I was too damn stupid to see the signs! I get it now! We're done! You're free!" She was going to cry, and she didn't want him to see it. "Move!" She pushed him and opened the door to her car._

"_Damn it, Carol!" He pushed her gently against and smashed his mouth against hers, cutting off her protests. He could feel her trying to get away, hitting him with her fists, but he grabbed her wrists and pulled her closer. He could feel the fight leaving her, and he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her until he was certain she was breathless and only then did he pull back. He looked into her eyes. "Listen."_

_She was glaring, but her eyes had lost their loathing fire._

"_I don't want you 'round right now 'cause there's shit goin' down with my brother. I don't want you involved."_

_She swallowed. "Shit?"_

"_You don't wanna know. Just trust me and stay away from me for a while, all right?"_

"_No, not all right. How can I believe you?"_

"_You just gotta."_

_She searched his eyes, seeing he was genuinely worried about her and that he was telling the truth, and she signed. "Fine, but when I see you next, we're talking. It's going to be a very long talk, and no lying, got it?"_

_He smirked. "Got it."_

"_You're still an asshole."_

"_I accept that." He tried to kiss her, but she moved her head so he only kissed her forehead._

"_If I can't see you, you can't kiss me." She ducked under his arms and stepped back. "Call me when this "shit" is over. Otherwise, I'm going to your house in the middle of the night, breaking in and waking up Merle to see what happened."_

"_Just trust me. Stay away for, like, a week or two."_

"_Fine. Move so I can go. I have to pick up a dozen cupcakes for the party in our first."_

"_What kind?"_

"_Vanilla and chocolate." She opened the door and tossed her purse in the passenger seat, turning her head to look at him. "And red velvet for us."_

_He smirked. _

"_Daryl." She searched his eyes. "Be very careful. I know the men Merle runs with are willing to resort to horrible things."_

"_Which is why you should go." He stepped back. "Stay safe."_

_She got in her car and left. She had a bad feeling about this. The last time Merle got mixed up with drugs, he and Daryl almost got shot. Only Daryl puking got them out of it. She didn't want either of them to get hurt. Merle had his redeemable moments, but mostly he was an ass. One day, he might redeem himself for all the crap he's done, but she doubted it. People like Merle are the same until something really drastic happens, and she didn't know what that would be. The only person he cared about was Daryl, but he put Daryl in compromising positions all the time. She didn't like him, but she didn't hate him. Most of the time._

––

Carol couldn't sleep, her mind was too busy, so she grabbed her shoes and quietly headed down the stairs and out the door. She ran to the stables, feeling the cool night air against her cheeks, and she found her horse. She saddled her and climbed up, taking her out. Carol knew where to go, and she didn't need light to get there. She was careful nonetheless since the horse wasn't as confident.

She arrived at the pond and got down, tying the reins against a nearby tree. She walked down to the end of the dock and sat down. She knew this area well. She and Daryl used to sneak out here before Hershel knew they were dating, and they'd fool around and talk. It was also one of the possible places Carol got pregnant with Ethan. She always hoped it was that time in her bedroom, but it was hard to tell. She and Daryl could never seem to get enough of each other after her birthday. It wasn't just sex, it was being that close to him, feeling all of him, and what that meant. Daryl was a very closed and private person, so making love meant that much more to both of them. She loved that he let her touch him anywhere she wanted, but she took her time. Every time they made love, she would move her hand closer to his back, to his scars, and she kept hoping if he got used to that then maybe one day he would be used to touch in general. Guess she'll never know if would've worked now.

She inhaled the night air and exhaled deeply, looking up at the stars. She always believed her father was up there watching over her, and she knew he was, but she knew now that Ethan was too. He was looking out for his little sister. He was still here, but not with them. He was with his grandfather, and Carol could accept that if she could just understand why Ethan didn't make it, but Sophia had.

She knew she couldn't know that. Everything works out the way it's supposed to, so maybe tomorrow or the distance future, she would see why it had to be like this. She just had to be strong and make a room for him in her heart where he could be with her forever.

Carol stayed by the pond through the night, and she fell asleep just before sunrise. She only woke when her foot fell off the dock, jolting her. She sat up, the wind tugging at her clothes and hair, and she saw a Cherokee rose spinning in the water as the wind blew.

_It's a Cherokee rose. The story is when the American soldiers were moving Indians off their land on the Tail of Tears, the Cherokee mothers were __**grievin**__' and __**cryin**__' so much 'cause they were losin' their little ones along the way from exposure and disease and starvation. A lot of them just __**disappeared**__. So the elders, they said a prayer; asked for a sign to uplift the mothers' spirits, give them __**strength**__ and __**hope**__. The next day this rose started to grow where the mothers' __**tears**__ fell._

Goosebumps sprang up on Carol's arm, and she fished the flower out of the water. As she held the rose in her hands, she remembered what Daryl said to her just before they buried Ethan.

_I believe this one...bloomed for our little boy. He's up there, and one day, we'll see him again. I don't believe in much, but I do believe that._

Carol wiped her nose on the sleeve of her hoodie as tears ran down her cheeks, her entire body starting to tremble as sobs tore through her. She brought the flower up to her heart locket where Ethan's hair was resting inside along with the engagement ring Daryl had given her all those years ago.

_You'll never lose by loving_, Annette had told Carol once. _You'll always lose by holding back. _

_Don't grieve. Anything you lost comes back to you in one form or another,_ Ethan had told Carol that once, and she didn't understand it until now. Ethan was gone, but Sophia was here. Maybe some of Ethan was within Sophia.


	12. Always

Shawn and Sasha checked out his old house, finding a lot had changed, and he told the relator he'd think about it. He took Sasha home to tell everyone the great news, and so that Carol and Sasha could officially meet—all those years with T and not once did Carol meet his daughter. It was odd, but he was glad. He wanted Carol to get to know this Sasha, and he knew she would love her.

"Is this a good idea?" Sasha asked.

"Yes. I made sure Beth was making a good breakfast, and I want you to meet my niece and sister officially."

They went inside and straight to the dining room. Beth had made pancakes, waffles, hash browns, eggs, biscuits, and bacon. It turned out Maggie had invited Glenn over for breakfast too, so it was awkward at first, but they got over it. It was nice to have a lot of people at the table to be honest.

"How long have you been dating?" Carol asked Glenn. "And why didn't anyone tell me?"

"We've only be dating about three months now, and it's a comfort to know I'm never talked about." He took a drink of orange juice. "That means nothing bad has been said."

"You're so weird," Sophia said, and everyone laughed.

"She didn't mean that." Carol was embarrassed.

"I'll take it as a compliment." He smiled at her. "I appreciate it, Sophia."

"Then you're welcome." She smiled.

"Speaking of dating," Hershel watched Sasha and Shawn, seeing that familiar glow on Sasha, "what brings you here again?"

"I wanted her to meet Carol," Shawn answered. "And Beth makes the best eggs."

"Really? Just for Carol and my eggs?" Beth pressed.

"No, I'm not that special." Carol ate a forkful of hash browns.

"Actually, we have news." Sasha looked around at them.

"Are you engaged again?" Glenn faked a gasp.

"Shut up," Shawn glared, but he'd known Glenn a long time, so it was just playful. "No, it's different news."

"We're moving in together," Sasha announced.

"Finally!" Hershel rejoiced, and the girls giggled.

"Thanks, Dad, I feel the love."

"That can't be all," Carol urged.

"It's not." Sasha interlaced her fingers through Shawn's. "We're also having a baby."

The entire room was silent then congratulations broke out. Maggie gave them a hug and then Glenn, Hershel, Carol and Sophia, but Beth just smiled from where she sat. Shawn and Sasha looked really happy, and Carol was so happy for that. She noticed Beth in the corner as Maggie and Glenn and Hershel spoke to the couple. She frowned and followed Beth into the kitchen.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, of course not." Beth was about to cry.

"You could tell them congratulations, Beth. It's only manners." Carol was teasing, trying to cheer her up, but it didn't work.

Beth slammed her plate into the sink, shattering it, and she spun around. "Don't tell me what I should say!"

"Beth, I was only—"

"I don't care what you were only," Beth snapped. "And I am happy for them. Congratulations, Shawn and Sasha. I'm sure your baby will be beautiful."

Everyone looked at Beth, confused, and Beth covered her face with her hands and tried to leave the room, but Carol grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

"Let me go!" Beth jerked her wrist free.

"Beth, what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?"

"Everyone just gets what they want," she spat. "You get a beautiful little girl, Maggie gets Glenn and a promotion, and now Sasha's gotten Shawn to commit. Y'all are so lucky." Her eyes were full of sadness and tears.

"Beth, what's wrong?" Maggie walked over to her. "Honey, you can tell us anything."

"Why bother? It doesn't make any difference."

"Bethy?" Hershel frowned. "What is it?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should just shut up and fade into the background like always, 'cause y'all have important things to do." She scoffed. "It's a little too late to finally notice my pain, but thanks for tryin'."

"Beth!"

She ran upstairs and slammed her bedroom door.

"What the hell was that about?" Carol asked Maggie.

"I have no idea." Maggie looked at Hershel then led Carol upstairs so they could try and coax Beth out of her room or to at least tell them what was wrong.

Sophia slipped out of her chair, Shawn told Sasha to finish eating before he went after his sisters, and Hershel saw Sophia at the foot of the stairs. He picked her up and carried her to where the others had gathered outside Beth's door. He set her down.

"Beth, c'mon, talk to us." Maggie listened for movement, but there wasn't any. "Beth, please?"

"Go away! I'm sure you got better things to do!"

"Beth, I'm sorry." Carol tried the doorknob, but Beth was had locked the door and was sitting against it. She really didn't want to let them in. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'll bet."

"Let's leave her be," Shawn suggested. "She'll come out when she's ready."

Maggie didn't want to leave Beth alone while she was upset, but they were getting nowhere. She didn't want to talk to them, and she wasn't going to let any of them into her room. She also had to meet Rick in a few hours, and Glenn had to stop by his mom's bakery. She hated to put Beth aside, but Beth was just as stubborn as the rest of them. She wasn't going to cave any time soon.

"I'll clean up the kitchen," Maggie offered, glancing back at Beth's door.

"I'll help." He had to get used to doing actual chores anyway.

"I'll clear the table." Carol scratched her arm.

They all started to walk away when they heard Sophia speak. They turned around and saw her sitting on the floor and talking to the door.

"Aunt Beth?" Sophia knocked on the door softly. "Aunt Beth?"

"Sophia."

"No, wait." Shawn grabbed Carol's arm so she couldn't move.

Beth's bedroom door slowly opened, Sophia climbed to her feet and went inside, the door closing behind her. Beth look at the little girl, Sophia hugged her, and Beth pulled her close and cried. The others could hear her crying, but they decided to leave it to Sophia. She was doing a better job than they were, and they all felt really terrible. Beth was in pain for some reason, and they didn't notice. How long had they not noticed?

"Is she okay?" Sasha was on her feet the minute they stepped into the room.

"No." Shawn gathered the leftover biscuits and pancakes. "Sophia's with her."

"Your niece?" Sasha frowned. "Is that gonna help?"

"We'll find out."

Carol and Hershel cleared the plates off the table, scrapping them, Maggie washed them while Shawn dried, and Glenn and Sasha waited in the living room, wondering if Beth was going to come down soon. They needed to talk to Beth, so Maggie canceled her plans, Shawn rescheduled with the Jones family, and Carol called Daryl to let him know she would come by tomorrow. Glenn had to explain to his mother why he wasn't coming, and Sasha was free all day. She really needed to find a hobby.

Half an hour later, still no Beth.

"All right, would anybody have a problem if I read to my fetus?" Shawn asked the room.

"No." Maggie sat down on the stairs with Glenn behind her.

"What're you reading?" Carol crossed her legs, trying to still her nerves.

"The only book he owns," Glenn muttered.

"It _is_ the only book I own," Shawn proudly replied. "And that grandfather clock is driving me insane, so does anybody hate Bunnicula?"

"I haven't heard that since I was a kid." Carol smiled. "I'd love to hear it."

Shawn dug the book out of his camera bag and opened it. It was about as old as Carol, and he'd had it since his dad gave it him. Shawn's name written by his father was still on the front page, and Shawn ran his fingertip over it, hoping he'd be a good father. He had two great fathers, so hopefully he had some of that in him.

"Chapter one: the arrival." He turned to face Sasha's stomach since she was lying behind him on the couch behind him. "_I shall never forget the first time I laid these now tired old eyes on our visitor. I had been left home by the family with the admonition to take care of the house until they returned. That's Something they always say to me when they go out: "Take care of the house, Harold. You're the watchdog." I think it's their way of making up for not taking me with them. As if I wanted to go anyway. You can't lie down at the movies and still see the screen. And people think you're being impolite if you fall asleep and start to snore, or scratch yourself in public. No thank you, I'd rather be stretched out on my favorite rug in front of the a nice, whistling radiator._"

As he went on, Maggie and Glenn began to actually listen to the story, moving into the living room to hear him better, Carol had moved beside him to see the pictures, and Sasha noticed how much effort Shawn was putting into reading the story to their little fetus. He'd made up voices for the characters—they were similar to the ones their father used—and he would look at her belly from time to time. Why would he ever doubt his ability to be a good father? She'd known Shawn through her father for most of her life, and they only really met her father hired him to take a picture of the shop for some advertisement. She knew Ethan a little as well. She wanted to get to know Shawn personally, because in all that time, all she knew was that he was a great big brother and student. She didn't know where this doubt came from. Perhaps by the time their child was born, he wouldn't have any doubts.

By the time Shawn got through chapter eight, Beth had calmed down and left her room. She was holding Sophia close, and they all looked over when she stopped on the stairs to listen. Shawn had paused momentarily then began again, looking at Beth occasionally. She looked better, like she needed to get that out. He was glad.

"_I must now bring this narrative to a close, since it is Friday night—Toby's night to stay up late and read—and I can hear the crinkling of cellophane. I can only hope it covers two chocolate cupcakes with cream filling._" He closed the book.

"Good job," Beth teased. "You _can_ read."

"Thanks, kiddo." He hopped up and went over to her, hugging her. "You okay?"

"No, but I will be." She smiled sadly at him. "I'm happy for you. You'll be a great father."

"We have a sick woman here. She may be delirious." Shawn put his hand on her forehead. "Beth, can you hear me?"

"Stop it." She laughed. "Get off, you dumbass."

"She's better." He stepped back.

"No, I'm not, but lockin' myself in my room ain't gonna help." She shrugged. "I'm gonna get some air. You guys can go. You don't needa babysit me." She walked out the front door.

"You know, I need air too." Shawn followed her, leaving his book with Sophia.

Carol moved beside Sophia. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. I wish Aunt Beth felt okay."

"Well, I have news," Carol told her. "You have a new aunt."

"I do?" Sophia lifted her head. "Who?"

"This is your Aunt Sasha."

Sophia looked at Sasha.

"She doesn't have to think of me as an aunt," Sasha insisted.

"You're a part of our family now." Maggie leaned against the banister. "Whether or not Shawn proposes and you _do_ go through with it, we're here for you. There's nothing you can do to change that."

"Unless you kill someone," Hershel added. "Then we'll just turn you in."

She smiled. "Well, thank you. And if you guys want my mom or dad, feel free to take them. Or my brother."

"I could actually use Ty." Maggie checked her watch. "Since I have nothing to do, I'm gonna go check on and see if he's free. Congratulations, Sasha. You'll be a great mother."

"I'll go with you." Glenn grabbed his jacket and hers. "It was nice to see you again, Carol. And it was great meeting you, Sophia."

Sophia smiled. "Bye, Glenn! Bye, Maggie!"

"So, you're moving in with Shawn?" Hershel entered the room. "Good luck."

"He's disgusting," Carol muttered. "But he's gotten better."

"Trust me, I know. We practically live together now." She adjusted her necklace. "And thank you for breakfast."

"You're welcome here anytime," Hershel assured her. "And we meant what Maggie said. There's nothing you have to hide." Carol scratched at her arm, feeling her dad's eyes on her. "And if you ever need us, we're here for you."

She nodded, feeling her eyes burn.

Sophia hopped up and hugged Sasha. "Don't cry, Aunt Sasha."

"I'm all right. Excuse me." She gave Sophia a smile before going to the bathroom.

"C'mere, honey." Carol picked Sophia up and set her in her lap. "Do you wanna go see Daryl? It'll be boring, and all we're doing is picking out paint colors for the rooms, but if you wanna come, you—"

"Yeah!"

"Get your coat. It's in the kitchen." She set her down, and Sophia hurried to the kitchen.

"Daryl, huh?" Hershel eyed her.

"Not again." She climbed to her feet. "I am not dating him or ever intend to date him, okay? We're friends, and I've agreed to redecorate his house."

"You were his wife," Hershel reminded her. "You've known him almost all your life."

"If you're asking if I love Daryl, yes I do. If you're asking if I'm in love with Daryl, no I'm not." She crossed her arms. "We're trying to be friends."

"A minute ago, you were friends."

"Why are you doing this?" Carol narrowed her eyes, trying to get him off her back. "Are you afraid I'll get back with Daryl?"

"No, I don't worry about that. I'm worried about you, Rosy."

She averted her eyes. He had a nickname for all of them: Beth was Doodlebug and Bethy, Maggie was Mag and Carol was Rosy. After he found out about the tattoo, he started to use it when he was mad at her. Before he knew about the tattoo, he called her that because her favorite flower was a rose. She knew he wanted to help, but she didn't want to tell anyone, especially not her father.

"Dad, I appreciate your concern, but I'm okay. I've missed a lot, so yeah I feel left behind, but I'll catch up. And don't worry about my "ex-husband" Daryl." He chuckled at her expression. "I'll call to let you know I got there."

"Don't forget your coat."

"Yes, Daddy."

– – –

_Carol sat outside his room, knocking her knees together nervously while Daddy and Mom walked by then Maggie and Beth and then Shawn. They didn't ask her what she was doing, and they didn't bother her. She was glad they didn't. She really glad when they stopped walking by as well. It always annoyed her when they did that._

_She looked over when the door opened, and she climbed to her feet when Daryl stepped out. "Hey." She smiled._

"_Hey. What're you doin'?"_

"_Come and take a ride with me."_

"_Horse or car?"_

"_Horse. They're saddled and ready to go."_

"_All right. Let's go." He grasped her hand, and they walked out to the stable. It was a hot day, but not too humid. He didn't mind going horseback riding, but he did mind the way Carol was hiding something. He always knew when she was hiding something, because she would bit her lip. He would just wait until she told him. She couldn't keep a secret to save her life._

_Carol wanted to go to the small pond where they used to meet at night in the summer. They would go there when they first started dating to avoid Hershel. They hadn't been back in a while. Of all times to revisit this place. He knew it was because she was going away for college soon, and she wanted to make the most of their time together. He hated to see her look so sad, but what could he do? Make her stay and ruin her life? He would never want that. She had to know they would see each other again, and maybe they'd get back together. And even if she stayed, who's to say they wouldn't break up eventually?_

_They tied the horse to a nearby tree, letting them rest in what little shade it had to offer. They sat down at the dock, and Carol removed her boots and set her feet in the water, swinging them. Daryl did the same. The water felt great, and they leaned back to lie down on the dock, eyes closed at the bright sun._

_After a few minutes, Carol sat up. "Daryl?"_

"_Hmm?" He didn't open his eyes._

"_You love me, don't you?"_

_He opened his eyes and sat up. "'Course I love you."_

_She had tears in her eyes. "Will you always love me?"_

"_Carol, what's this about?"_

_She took a deep breathe. "This is about college and how...I'm not going."_

"_What?" He frowned. "No, Carol, you gotta go. You've always wanted to go, and I ain't gonna let you stay behind for me."_

_She laughed a little. "I wish it was that simple." She met his eyes. "I'm pregnant, Daryl."_

_He blinked. "What?"_

"_I'm pregnant." She searched his paling face closely before continuing, "I was looking over my calendar, trying to pick a date on my going away party since I didn't want it the day before, and I realized I'd missed my period."_

"_That don't mean nothin'."_

"_Lori and I bought a test." She reached into her pocket and held it out to him. "I _am_ pregnant."_

_He didn't take the test, just stared at her, so she set it beside him. "You're on the pill," he reasoned. "We used condoms." He couldn't processes this. He had always pictured her leaving town and he would just work for T to feed himself. He was going to buy a place one day and just let life happen. He never wanted kids, not with his father around. How the hell could this be happening? They were safe. They used protection. How did this happen?_

"_I know you're freaked out." She pulled her legs out of the water and moved beside him. "I was too at first, but you don't have to be involved. Daddy and Shawn will gladly teach him what a father usually does—how to play sports, work the farm, and the like—if it's a boy. If it's a girl, I have me, my sisters, Patricia, and my mom." She tucked hair behind ears. "They don't know yet—my parents—but I know they'll be supportive after the yelling and lecturing."_

_He didn't respond._

"_Daryl, are you okay?" She studied his face. "Talk to me." She reached out to touch his face, but he flinched, and her eyes welled up with tears. "Okay. I get it. Sex was great, but this is too much." She stood up and grabbed her boots, shoving her feet into them. "Just bring Flame back to the house, okay?" She climbed onto her horse and returned to the house, letting Shawn take the horse and hurrying inside the._

"_Hey, Carol, wait!" Shawn called after her. "Where the hell's Flame?"_

_She headed for her bedroom._

"_Hey, Carol, I made your favorite." Beth stopped her. "Oreo cheesecake. I know your party ain't till next month, but I figured we could do somethin' now. Just us girls."_

_Carol started crying._

"_Don't, I'm tryin' really hard not to think 'bout you leavin'," Beth demanded, her eyes watering. _

_Maggie stopped on the stairs. "Beth, see, I told you not to bring it up." Maggie put her arm around Carol's shoulder. "It's okay. We still got a month."_

_Soon Mom and Aunt Patricia tried to comfort her too, but Carol too upset to tell them what was really going on. Daddy and Uncle Otis and Shawn came, asking about Flame and where he was, and once they saw her crying, they asked what was wrong. It was all too much, all of them asking her what was wrong, telling her that time will move slowly and that they could call and text and talk on webcam and phone. Carol wanted them all to shut up. She wasn't as upset anymore, just annoyed and hurt._

"_Stop," she shouted when their voices overlapped. "I'm not sad about going away," she told them. "Daryl probably just broke up with me, because—because I'm—"_

"_Because you're what?" Annette asked. "Leaving? Honey, we talked about that. You can't expect him to wait for you."_

"_Not because I'm leaving," she whispered. "Because I'm pregnant."_

_That shut them all up, and Carol hated the silence even more. She pushed through Shawn and her dad and ran upstairs to her bedroom, closing and locking the door. She climbed into her bed, grasping the stuffed bear Daryl won for her and sobbing. She still slept with stuff animals, how could she be pregnant? She was practically a child herself. How was she going to do this?_

"_Did she say pregnant?" Beth asked them._

"_I keep tryin' to fill in a different word. Proud. Procrastinating. Preoccupied." Maggie had to lean against the wall. She felt dizzy. How was Carol pregnant? She didn't even know Carol knew what sex was._

"_I'm gonna kill him," Hershel declared. "Shawn, get my shotgun. Otis, get the truck."_

"_No, no, no!" Annette grabbed Shawn by his sleeve. "Killing Daryl isn't going to solve anything. Carol needs us. We're her parents, and she needs us now more than ever."_

"_Can I kill Daryl then?" Shawn freed his sleeve. "I'm young, and I have an innocent face. No jury will ever say I'm guilty. Look at this face."_

"_Shut up, Shawn," Beth, Maggie, Hershel and Annette barked at him, not in the mood for his sarcasm._

"_Patricia, could you put on tea?" Annette turned to her girls. "Peanut butter with anything chocolate, and no cheesecake. It makes her sick when she's stressed out." Then to the men. "Shawn, go find Daryl. Hershel, take Nelly back to the stable, and Otis, could you go with Shawn so he doesn't get beaten up by Daryl. Thank you."_

"_I resent that," Shawn grumbled._

"_Go now, please."_

_They all did the job they were assigned to, Shawn was pissed off at how Daryl reacted, Otis was trying not to block out Shawn's angry rant, and Hershel was disappointed with Carol. She'd always wanted to go to college and become someone, but she meets one boy and ruins it. He wasn't always fond of Daryl, but he tolerated him because made Carol happy. Now, Hershel_ **really**_ didn't like him. Unless he has an explanation for this, Hershel was going to lecture and threaten on sight._

_Beth searched the cabinets while Patricia pulled down teacups and Maggie found the tray closet. Beth set down box after box of cookies, Maggie looked them over and picked one, emptying it into a bowl. Maggie knew when Carol was upset, she would binge on junk food, so these were for later._

"_Can I confess somethin'?" Beth sat on the step ladder as Maggie threw away the box and Patricia chose which tea to serve._

"_What?" Maggie crossed her arms._

"_I'm excited." She grinned. "A baby?"_

"_Yeah, I heard."_

"_Carol's havin' a baby. We're gonna be aunts." She squealed a little. "This is so awesome! I love babies."_

"_Yeah, 'cause you've never been around one." Maggie nibbled on a cookie._

"_Shut up, Maggie. You could pretend to be happy. Carol needs our support right now."_

"_Beth, she's eighteen and pregnant. Her dreams are gonna be put on hold, and that's only if she can afford college and a baby. It ain't fun tryin' to study with a baby cryin'."_

"_Stop bein' so negative. This is God's plan for Carol and Daryl. How can you say it's wrong?"_

"_Beth, I ain't sayin' it's wrong. It's just...bad timin'."_

"_Daddy's probably gonna hate Daryl for the rest of his life if he don't come around." Beth stopped smiling. "Mama must be disappointed. Carol's always been the good one. I figured you'd get knocked up first."_

"_Oh, thank you." Maggie smacked her in the back of the head. "Is the tea done?"_

"_Yes." Patricia picked up the tray, Beth and Maggie started to follow her upstairs, but she stopped them. "You two don't need to be in there."_

"_What?" Beth exclaimed. "We're her sisters! We have—"_

"_You're right." Maggie covered Beth's mouth. "We'll wait for Daddy and Daryl to get back."_

_Beth glared at her. "What are you doin'?"_

"_Shh." Maggie glanced at Patricia then held a finger to her lips, taking Beth's hand and slowly climbing up the stairs. They silently crept down the hall and took a seat on either side of Carol's bedroom door, listening in as Annette and Patricia talked to her. _

_Carol kept hoping her bed would swallow her whole when her mom and Patricia came into the room—damn skeleton key! She wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Why couldn't they just ignore her for once? Why did they have to be the loving family? She just wanted to be alone, like she probably would be for the rest of her life._

"_Carol?" Annette sat beside her while Patricia set tray down. "Honey?"_

"_I made your favorite tea." Patricia stroked her hair, and Carol's eyes burned._

"_I'm so sorry," Carol whispered, her entire body shaking as fresh tears soaked into the bear's head. "I know I disappointed you, and I'm so sorry."_

"_Oh, pretty girl." Annette grasped her daughter's hand in both of hers. "Don't apologize. It won't change anything."_

"_I've ruined everything."_

"_That's not true." Patricia tucked hair behind her ear. "Look at us, sweetheart."_

_Carol shook her head and buried her face even more into the stuffed bear. "Please, just go."_

"_Just go?" Annette scoffed. "You may be an adult, but you still live in my house. I'm not mad at you, Carol. I'm not proud of you right now either, but making one mistake won't make us shun you. You're my daughter, and I'll do everything I can to help to my grandchild."_

_Carol lifted her head, looking at her mom then Patricia. "You're not mad?" She sat up. "How can you not be? I've basically thrown away twelve years of schooling. All of my scholarships I spend months working on, and all of the extracurricular activities you and Dad had to drive me to were for **nothing."** She shook her head. "All because I was stupid."_

_Patricia went to the bathroom and wet a washcloth with warm water, Carol couldn't bare to look in her mother's eyes, and Patricia came back. She gripped Carol's chin and wiped off the smeared makeup. "The only thing stupid about you, Carol, is the way you treat yourself." She released her chin. "You're pregnant. Nothing's going to change to that. All you can do now is take care of yourself and prepare for the baby."_

_Carol snuffled._

"_Your mom and me will make an appointment for you to see Dr. S. We'll need to get prenatal vitamins, too." She stood up and walked over to the door._

_Her mom handed her a cup of tea. "It'll sooth you." She smoothed her hair down. "We'll let your sisters talk to you. They're by the door anyway. Come downstairs when you're ready to talk." She joined Patricia and opened the door, Beth and Maggie stood up, trying to explain why they were on the floor with their ears pressed against the door, but Annette just shook her head. "Go."_

"_Eat," Patricia told Carol. "You're gonna get fat anyway."_

_They left, Beth sat down in front of her older sister, beaming and just waiting for her to talk, and Maggie sat down on Carol's desk, taking a cup of tea and crossing her legs. Carol tucked hair behind her ear, glancing between them and laughing nervously._

"_I don't know any more than you do," Carol admitted._

"_Do you know how far along you are?" Beth asked._

"_A month. Maybe a month and a half."_

"_You needa eat healthier. No more skippin' meals or helpin' Daddy. I'll do that, and Mag too, right?"_

"_Uhh, yeah." Maggie smiled a bit reluctantly. "So, you and Daryl. When?"_

"_My birthday." She felt the blush on her cheeks. _

"_Well, if you did it on your birthday, you're two months." Beth then paused and shook her head. "Let's just talk 'bout the baby. Do you want a girl or a boy?"_

"_I don't know. I haven't thought about it," she admitted._

"_Well, think about it." She paused for only a moment. "If it's a boy, what'll you name him? Not after Daryl, it's too tacky. Do you got any ideas?"_

_Carol glanced at Maggie, trying to get her to stop Beth, but Maggie was picking at the pattern on her teacup. Carol couldn't ask her about it, because Beth went on and on about babies names and where the baby would be in the house and how Beth would pitch in and help if she needed it. Carol tried to listen, but Maggie's face was concerning. Carol knew Maggie well, and she knew Maggie was going to tell her what was on her mind later. Carol wanted to know now. She couldn't sit here while Beth rambled on and on and Maggie was a million miles away._

"_Beth!" Carol interrupted. "I'm really tired, and I need to lie down."_

"_Oh, right." Beth stood up. "I'll take this downstairs." She picked up the tray and headed downstairs, calling to Maggie._

_Maggie slid off the desk and started to leave, but she stopped and turned to Carol. "How could you?" She met her eyes._

"_How could I what?" She searched her eyes. "Get pregnant?"_

"_No, destroy everything you worked so hard on." Maggie shook her head. "I watched Mom and Daddy stress over who was gonna take you where and who was gonna pick you up. Beth had to miss her chorus show for school **twice**, because you had somewhere to be. I was left for** two hours** in the pouring rain! All that Beth and I missed for you now was for nothing! Mom may not be mad, but I am."_

_Carol swallowed hard. "I—"_

"_Don't apologize. Don't you dare." She crossed her arms. "I've known you for seven years, but that doesn't matter, because you're my sister. Our blood may not match, but we are family. I'll get over my anger, and you'll have that baby, but for now, I'm gonna stay pissed."_

"_Maggie, I—"_

"_I'll make you a sandwich, send it up with Beth. I can't have my niece or nephew goin' hungry." She stepped back. _

"_It wasn't for nothing," Carol called after her. "It's still my choice, and I don't know if I want this baby."_

"_What?" She met her eyes._

"_I still have another choice, and I may take it." She climbed off the bed. "I'm unyielding, and I won't let my future escape me because of one broken condom or one missed pill. I'm so sorry for not seeing how selfish I was, but ever since my dad died, I've been holding onto his dream: seeing me achieve greatness. I never wanted to let anyone down, but I never would've been so...determined if I had known I was hurting you and Beth."_

"_I didn't say you hurt me. You just pissed me off, and don't worry about Beth. She has talent shows and church." She smiled. "I feel better now, though. I guess I needed to vent."_

"_Does that mean I hug you?"_

"_Yes." Carol hugged her, and Maggie laughed. Carol had been here for her since Annette came to help her mom when she was just really sick. She helped Maggie stop smoking and shoplifting. She was the only one who understood, it seemed. Carol'd always been there, even if if she was busy, she still made time to listen. **That's** what did matter. "I'm here for you, Carol. If you need me for anything, let me know."_

"_I will, and I'm here for you. If you need to vent again, I'm here." Carol released her._

"_Ooh, promise?"_

_Carol laughed. "I swear."_

"_Hey, 'bout your choice? You ain't puttin' my niece or nephew up for adoption. I'll adopt the kid myself if I have to."_

_Carol smiled. "I couldn't go through with it. I could **never** give up my child."_

_"Or your cheesecake."_

_"So true." Maggie laughed a little. "Just so you know, t__he baby and I are always gonna be here. I want him or her to grow up around family, so I'm staying here."_

"_The same can't be said for Daryl." Beth was in the doorway. "They're back."_

"_Oh, God." Carol paled._

"_We'll need God," Maggie agreed._

– – –

Carol let Sophia go ahead to Daryl's room as Dr. Stookey filled her in on his condition. She was glad to hear Daryl was recovering quickly and would be out soon. She thanked Bob for taking the time to tell her how Daryl was doing since she knew Daryl wouldn't, and Merle probably wouldn't speak to her, let alone about Daryl. She was grateful to Bob for that.

She waved goodbye to Bob before heading down the hall to Daryl's room. She found Daryl and Sophia inside, both watching something on TV, and she tapped her knuckles against the wall before entering. "Hey."

He gave a nod.

"So, how are you feeling?" She sat in the chair beside his bed.

"About as good as I look." He shrugged.

"You look better." She crossed her legs. "You should be coming home soon then, right?"

"I guess."

"Well, do you want to look over these color samples or shall I paint it all magenta?"

"She's being bossy today," Sophia told him.

"No, I'm not!" she protested. "Sophia, don't tell him stuff like that!"

Daryl shook his head, snickering. "Lemme see the samples."

She dug them out of her purse and held them out to him. "I drew a star on which ones would look best in the living room, hall and kitchen." She watched as he flipped through them, his face revealing nothing, and she moved closer to him. "I brought a few pictures of the house so you can compare the colors." She took the pictures out of her purse and set it on the table across his legs. "Umm, see how this looks." She took a random color and set it against the picture.

He was impressed. Carol had really given this a lot of thought. She was ready to change the only home he'd ever known, but she was doing it because she thought that's what he wanted. She was trying to make that house suitable for him, not to sell. He could tell by the colors she chose—mostly greens and blues. They were his colors, not room-widening or lightening colors. What was Carol's plan? He knew his, but what was hers?

"Do you like it?" She was studying his face, trying to read it, but he gave nothing away.

"It's all right." He met her eyes.

"Just all right?" She crossed her arms. "You're the one who has to see those walls. Until you sell, I mean."

He smirked. "The colors you chose?"

"What about them?" She bit the inside of her lower lip. "You hate them, don't you? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed you'd—"

"Nah, they're all right. I like 'em." He held out the samples out to her. "Use those colors."

"Really?" She closed her fingers around them, her fingertips just brushing his.

"Yeah. New people will probably paint over it anyway." He shrugged a shoulder and shook his head at the same time.

She nodded, pulling the samples from his hands and averting her eyes. She really didn't know him anymore. She had hoped to remember something about him, but he'd changed so much. She needed to stop trying to figure out who he was. He was someone else now, and she just needed to adjust to this new person. He wasn't her Daryl, and she had no right to call him that, not even in her thoughts. He was just Daryl. _He belongs to no one, least of you_, she reminded herself.

"Are you painting today?" Sophia asked, pulling Carol from her thoughts.

"Not today." She shoved the samples into her purse. "I have errands to run, and I need to check on Amy sometime, so we should be going."

"But we just got here," Sophia whined.

She needed to call Karen. She told her she would call from a payphone outside town when she got the chance. She promised she'd let her know they'd arrived safely. She couldn't not call, and she wasn't going to risk them tracking her father's phone. The payphone would have be far enough away that if Ed did somehow track it, it wouldn't lead them to Dad's door step. "I'm sorry, honey."

"Do I have to go?" Sophia asked. "I hate errands."

"I don't think anybody's home to watch you." She doubted Shawn was still there. He probably went to an appointment with Sasha to check on the baby; Maggie and Glenn were working on something that involved Tyreese, and she didn't want to upset Beth any more than she already had. Hershel was probably checking on the store then going back to tend to the fields or cattle. She didn't want to burden him with watching her, and there was no one else.

"I can stay here," Sophia told her mom, seeing her think over all of options.

"What?" Carol brows rose. "You wanna stay with Daryl?"

"Why not?"

"I doubt Daryl wants you pestering him. He doesn't feel well."

"I feel fine," Daryl informed her, "and I don't mind. Hell, I could use the company."

"No swearing," Carol reprimanded.

He glared slightly. "I'll keep a close eye on the kid."

"See? Please, Mommy, please?" Sophia begged.

She wasn't sure. She didn't want to leave Sophia. She always worried more when Sophia was in her hearing range. She trusted her with Daryl with Sophia as much as she trusted her family with her, but she still always worried that Ed was lurking around every dark corner. She knew Sophia had no reason to fear him. He was a good father to her, for the most part, and Carol knew Ed could sucker Sophia into doing just about anything, like spilling the beans about Carol's family. That's why Carol didn't want Shawn to tell her about Daryl, who he really was to her. If Ed knew she loved someone else, he would gut them, and she couldn't let that happen to Daryl. Carol could only pray she never saw Ed again. Eventually, he would have to give up, and she would need to trust people again. She needed to start now.

"Pretty please?" Sophia cupped her hands together and was on her knees on the bed in front of Carol.

"All right," Carol slowly agreed.

"Yes! Yay! Thank you, Mommy!" She hugged her.

"Be respectful, please." She looked at Daryl. "Watch her."

"Like a hawk," he vowed.

Carol left the room, glancing back as Sophia plopped down and began talking to Daryl, and she pulled the door closed. She had to stop, taking many breaths to try and stop the world as it closed in on her. She swallowed hard and pushed off the door, walking to her car. She needed to find a payphone, and she was either going to ask or use Daryl's phone to try and locate one.

After running into Lori at the gas station, Carol was informed of the closet payphone that was far enough away that Ed couldn't find her easily. She made the long ass drive, drinking an extremely hot French vanilla latte and munching on powdered donuts. She dug Karen's number out of the glove box and found a roll of quarters, along with wipes for the phone. Karen had literally thought of everything! She probably had one of her friends do all of this, but who?

Shrugging, Carol dialed the number after feeding the payphone and cleaning it off. She only had to wait through one ring before Karen answered. She sounded breathless, so either she just got back from her daily jog or she ran to answer the phone. Carol didn't know which.

"Hey, you."

"Hey." Carol smiled. She sounded well. "How are you?"

"I'm bored, If I'm being honest. I have nothing to do now." She paused. "Well, I could get pregnant."

"See, you should just submit. We both know you'll be a great mother, and Milton really loves you."

"That's why I married him." She was pacing, Carol could hear her shoes on the floor. "There's just one problem."

"What problem?"

"He works all the time, and I'm trying not to be one of those wives that leave because their husband never has time for them, but I really don't think I can raise a child practically by myself. Well, I could, but I don't want to."

"What? You can't leave him, Karen. That'll destroy him."

"I'm not going to leave him. I'm also not going to have his children anytime soon."

"Speaking of having babies, my brother Shawn and his girlfriend are having a baby!"

"That's great! How are they? I was just about to ask."

"They're all good. Maggie's in law enforcement, Beth's going to be a nurse, Shawn's a photographer, and Dad's still working the farm and the cafè." She swallowed. "My mom's not doing too well."

"Annette? Oh, no, what's wrong?"

Carol was glad to talk to someone about this. She knew Shawn wouldn't understand, and even if he did, he blamed her too. Telling Karen all of the medical stuff felt like a lie as the worlds came out of her mouth, so she told Karen what she felt to be true. "To be honest, I think I broke her heart." Carol's voice broke. "I'm the reason she's in the hospital."

"You can't believe that."

"I can't ignore the truth."

"The reason she's in that hospital is because she's getting older, and that has nothing to do with you. It's nature. Don't blame yourself, just enjoy your time together, all right? Believe me, you always think there's more time than there is. Don't waste a second."

Carol took a moment to compose herself. She had so many issues. How in the hell was she going to sort all of this shit out? God.

"You're gonna be an aunt," Karen singsonged after she was sure Carol wasn't going to burst into tears.

Carol let out a half-laugh, half-sniffle. "Yes, I am. Gosh, Shawn's so worried he's going to be a bad father. I don't even know why. He's like a big kid himself, so he can relate to the kid, at least." Karen laughed. "And his girlfriend is so beautiful, so their kid is going to be the most precious thing on earth—well to come from Shawn anyway."

"Hopefully, this shit will be over by that time."

"Hopefully," Carol agreed.

"I don't want to hear it all over the phone. I'll be down there soon. Milton has work to finish up, but once that's done, we are gonna go out and get iced coffees and talk until everything's said, all right?"

"That sounds fantastic."

"Call me on Sunday in a week."

"Yeah."

"I hate cutting you off like this, but Phillip and Ed are coming over for dinner, and I have to order something. With any luck, they'll get food poisoning or something just as worse." Carol let out a small laugh. "Before I go, I want you to do me a favor."

"You name it."

"Don't regret anything. Talk to your mom, your brother and sisters. Talk to Daryl and Hershel and everyone else. Just be happy and find peace. You deserve this. Do you hear me? You deserve this."

"Are you reading this from a cite Online?"

"You know me so well," Karen mused.

"I'll try to do those things."

"Good, because when we come down, I expect to meet all of these people. I need faces to go with the names. I hear Daryl and I think of some black guy."

"Why?"

"Because there's this hot black guy named Daryl on some show. You don't want to know who I think of when I hear Beth and Shawn."

"Who do you think of?" Carol was interested now.

"B—I have to go."

"Why?" Carol tensed for her.

"My guests are early." Karen had moved the phone behind something; Carol could hear it brushing against the phone.

"Hey, Karen." It was Phillip. "I brought Penny along with me. My wife has to work late tonight, and I couldn't get a babysitter."

"That's fine. Hey, Penny."

"Hello." Penny was smiling. Carol could hear it.

"Hi, Karen." That was Ed, and Carol's skin began to crawl. "I brought wine. It's your favorite."

"I don't drink," Karen retorted. "I stopped altogether. It'll kill you."

"Not one glass."

"One leads to two and sometimes three," Karen challenged. "It's a bad habit to have; thinking you'll have only one of something, but it turns into something else, and soon you find yourself completely obsessed. It can really hurt the people around you."

"Uhhhh...what?" Ed asked.

"Milton's not home just yet, so why don't you all go into the family room? I have to call and check in on my grandmother. I'd like some privacy."

"Okay."

Carol heard them leaving. She stopped breathing at the sound of Ed's boots hitting the floor loudly. She knew he was wearing his steep-toed boots, and he probably had on dark jeans and a button-down. He only wore those clothes when he was trying to impress someone. He was already looking for another woman. Or maybe he just wanted to dress nicely. She wasn't sure. She hoped it was the latter.

Karen began speaking in Spanish, telling Carol to call on Sunday, that she loved her and wished her well then hung up. Karen only spoke Spanish when she spoke to her grandmother, and everyone knew that so hopefully the two idiots bought it.

Hanging up the phone, Carol stepped back, trying to calm her upset stomach. She swallowed hard, but she couldn't stop the hot chucks that rose in her throat. She heaved behind the car, her knees weak, and she held the locket to her shirt so it didn't get puke on it. She groaned and lifted her hand to her face, wiping her mouth. She leaned against the car for a moment, gripping her knees as another wave of nausea rocked through her, but with a few quick breaths, it passed.

Getting into the car, Carol went to see someone she needed to talk to now more than ever. She found the room and her mother inside. She didn't have to say anything, because even with all the time that had passed, Annette still had a strong bond with Carol. She didn't question when Carol dropped her purse in a chair, crawled onto the bed and cried into her arms. She just held her in her arms, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead, gently shushing her.

Annette didn't know what was wrong with her daughter, but she was glad Carol had come to her. After all this time, Carol still came to her. "Shh, pretty girl." Annette hugged her tight. "I'm here."

It took Carol a while to settle down, but Annette didn't mind. She was worried about her, especially after Hershel and her girls visited. Annette asked her nurse to bring them a bottle of water as Carol's sobs were reduced to sniffles, and she handed Carol a box of tissue.

"Here you are, Annie." The young nurse smiled and set two bottles of cold water on the bed. "If you want anything else, let me know." She closed the door behind her.

"Thank you." Annette gave Carol a bottle of water. "Here."

"Thanks." Carol wiped her eyes and took the water, taking a sip. "I'm sorry to barge in here without—"

"It's all right." Annette smiled at her, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I'm glad to see you."

Carol sniffed and tossed the tissue into the trash beside her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm worried about you. What has you so upset?"

Carol shrugged, but tears burned in her eyes. She took a deep breath, shaking her head. "I messed everything up, didn't I?"

"What's everything to you?"

"Daryl's entire life," Carol slowly began, "Shawn's failed engagement to Sasha." Annette began to shake her head, but Carol continued. "Your declining health. It's all my fault. I was selfish and ruined all of your lives." Her shoulders began to shake. "It's all my fault."

Annette set the water bottle on the table and took Carol's hands tightly in hers. "I don't know who made you feel the every bad thing is your fault, but they were wrong. Carol, the only life you have any control over is your own. What happens to anyone else is because of them, not you."

"But you weren't sick before," Carol stammered, her voice small and shaky.

"I wasn't this sick," Annette informed her, "but I was getting weaker. This happened to my mother as well. It wasn't you, Carol. It was never you."

Carol covered her mouth to keep from whimpering.

"And Shawn? He made a mistake and didn't want to have Sasha question him in their marriage. It's not always you, pretty girl."

"I know it's not, but—"

"Carol, you can't worry about Shawn or Daryl or me. Or your sisters. Everyone has their path to walk down, and you leaving didn't make any of them step off it."

"I feel like everyone blames me," Carol admitted. "Beth's upset, and I don't know why—none of us do—Maggie thinks I'm a slut, and Daryl... God, I'm pretty sure he hates me."

"Beth's always upset about something. She hasn't had it easy either. She's been working and studying her butt off since she graduated, and she lost her mother so young. There are things only Joe can help Beth through, but I did my best and so has Maggie and Hershel." Annette paused. "I don't want to know why Maggie thinks that."

Carol laughed a little. "She was drunk when she said it."

"I see. Don't believe anything Maggie says when she's drunk. She's ridiculous when she's drunk."

"All right, I won't."

"As for Daryl, I don't believe that. He doesn't hate you. He probably tried to, but most likely, he can't."

"I was such a bitch to him," Carol told her. "After we lost Ethan, I shut down and blocked him out. I never let him near me, because all I saw was Ethan, and it hurt so much. I wanted to make it work, but I couldn't, so...I stopped trying, and we both suffered. How could he not hate me? Everything I told him, all of my promises... I abandoned him just like his father, just like Merle, when I swore that was the last thing I would do!"

"It seems you hate yourself enough for the two for you."

She averted her eyes. "He deserves better."

"How is beating yourself up over the past going to make anyone feel better?" she demanded. "All you're doing is making yourself feel like dirt, that is the last thing Daryl wants you to do, and you know that! You made his life better, even if it was for a short while!"

"Mom—"

"No, I don't want to hear anymore of this! What happened these past five years happened because that's life. All you can do now is make the most of your life and raise my sweet grandchild." She searched Carol's face. "All right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Now give me a hug and watch_ Golden Girls_ with me."

Carol let out a small laugh. "Is Sophia still your favorite?"

She nodded. "And Shawn's."

She hugged her mom. "I love you, Mom. I love you so much."

Annette stroked her hair and placed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you too, pretty girl. No more tears...on more tears."

––

Carol prepared dinner for Daryl since he'd just gotten out of the hospital with a clean bill of a health and since Sophia kept bugging her about him. Apparently, Daryl was awesome and a good babysitter. Sophia wouldn't tell Carol what they did, but Lilly was irked when Carol came to pick Sophia up that day. She only hoped they didn't do anything she would have to pay for, because money was getting tight.

"Pick a song," Carol begged when Sophia kept skipping over them. "Please."

"Okay." Sophia let _Little Bitty Pretty One_ by Earl Palmer play. She loved the movie _Matilda_, like Carol did as a child. Sophia loved the part where she made the cards and poker chips and such float around, especially the song.

"Yes, you can toss the salad."

"Into the trash?" Sophia smiled sweetly.

"If you don't want dessert, sure."

Sophia stuck her tongue out and took the small tongs her mom was holding out to her, and Carol laughed before turning her attention back to the chicken. "You're happy, aren't you, Mommy?"

"Yes, I am." Carol added butter to the rice.

"Why weren't you happy like this with Ed?" She sprinkled shredded carrots over the salad. "Was it because he yelled at you?"

"Yes, Ed yelled at Mommy a lot." She leaned against the counter. "Did you like him?"

She shrugged.

"Well, we won't see Ed again," Carol promised. "It's just you and me now."

"And our family," Sophia added.

"Yeah, them too." She smiled.

The front door opened and Daryl walked in. He looked over at Carol and Sophia and frowned; Carol was also frowned and looked at her watch. He set his jacket on the couch, kicking off his boots. He walked over to them.

"I'm so sorry. I was going to pick you up," Carol explained. "We were making you dinner, and I guess I lost track of time."

"It's fine." He looked over her shoulder. "What're you makin'?"

"Baked chicken, rice and green beans," Sophia answered. "And we made lemon cake for dessert."

"I made lemon cake," Carol corrected, "but she did bug me to death to make dessert."

"I see. Thanks, kid."

"All right. Dinner is ready, so get down three plates and three bowls, please."

He opened the cabinet and glanced over as she walked away. "Where you goin'?"

"To bring up the table from the basement." She headed downstairs, and she heard him behind her. "I don't need help, Daryl."

"It's heavy," he insisted.

"It's a folded table." She weaved her way through the junk and found it in the back, but Daryl slipped in front of her and grabbed it. "Daryl, you're supposed to get the plates down. I can do this."

"Too bad. Already got it."

"Sexist." She followed him up the stairs. "Women can lift heavy objects too, you know."

"Last time you tried to carry this up, you damn near broke your neck," he reminded her.

And that was the last night they spend together. He caught her on the stairs just before she lost her balance.

"Last time?" Sophia asked.

"When I was here last." Carol grabbed the plates. "It was a long time ago, before you were born. Um, Daryl, could you get the chairs too? I'll set the table."

Sophia watched as her mom filled the bowls with salad and set them on the table then placed a slice of chicken with rice and green beans on the plates and place them on the table. Sophia sat down in the first chair Daryl brought up and drank from her cup while her mom and Daryl moved around each other in the kitchen, getting drinks and dressing for the salad and salt and pepper. She narrowed her eyes.

Carol poured dressing over Sophia's salad and sat down. "What is it?" She noticed the look on Sophia's face.

"Nothing."

They ate in silence momentarily, Sophia was picking around her salad while Daryl ate like he'd never had food before in his life, and Carol kept looked at Sophia, trying to think why she had that look on her face. Luckily, it wasn't too awkward.

"Do you feel better?" Sophia asked Daryl when he gathered the empty and semi-empty salad bowls.

"Yeah, a lot better." He set the bowls in the sink, noting that Carol had cleaned as well.

"I'm glad." She ate a forkful of rice.

"I reckon y'all didn't just come here to cook for me." He sat down. "Did you?"

"We did come to cook for you," Carol said, "but I wanted to let you know tomorrow I'm coming over to clean and then paint. While I'm out getting supplies, I need you to watch Sophia."

"Why?"

"Because I trust you, and she likes you."

"Beth has classes, huh?"

"Yes, but Sophia requested you."

"Really?" He looked at her.

She nodded. "I had fun yesterday."

He shrugged a shoulder. "Fine by me. T wants me to take two days off, shake the last of my sickness off. Truth is, though, he don't want me 'round 'cause he gets sick easy."

They finished eating, Carol and Daryl gathered up the dishes and put them in soapy water then she let him and Sophia slice the cake while she went to the bathroom. She slashed cold water on her face and around to the back of her neck. She reached for a towel and pulled it away from the others, wiping her face and hands.

Returning to the living room, she found Daryl on the couch with Sophia on the rug beside him, watching something. She wasn't in the mood for sweets so she began to put the food away. Luckily, he had a lot of contains, which was strange, but people did bring a lot of food after they lost Ethan. They probably brought more after they divorced.

"Somethin' on your mind?"

She jumped, letting out a startled breath through her teeth. "God, you scared me." She closed the lib to the rice. "Why do you think there's something on my mind?"

"'Cause I know you. Only time you ever turn away dessert's when something's on your mind. What is it?"

"It's nothing." She put the chicken into a container. "I'm just tired, I suppose. With Shawn moving out, I've been up helping him. You know Beth. She wants to have party to celebrate their baby and moving in together, so I'm trying to help." She wanted to be as close to Beth as possible. She was worried about what Beth said the other day, about fading into the background and how they got everything they wanted. She wanted to know why she said that and what happened to make her so bitter. She was hiding it well, but Carol knew her sister. She was holding something back. Carol saw it every time Beth spoke of Sasha's baby. It was brief, but it jumped out at her. It was eating Carol up to know Beth was in pain, and she couldn't do anything to help, because Beth was keeping it hidden. After all Beth's done for her...Carol had to do the same for Beth. She wanted to.

"Heard 'bout that. I meant to tell him congratulations, but I can't seem to find my phone."

"I have it in my pocket. Hold on." She placed the last two pieces of chicken in the container and closed it, but Daryl wasn't patient, so he dug it out of her pocket. "Daryl!" she hissed softly. "I was going to give the phone to you!"

"I needa check on somethin', and you move so damn slow."

"Personal space, Daryl!"

"Really, Carol?"

"Really, Daryl." She slammed the chicken container down on top of the rice and opened the fridge. "Oh, my God!" She covered her mouth with her hand.

"What?"

"The inside of this fridge isn't supposed to be furry, Daryl! God, that is so disgusting!"

He rolled his eyes. "You're over exaggeratin'. That's just some shitty casserole I never ate."

"Why didn't you throw it away?" She groaned. "It stinks!"

"I forgot. I have other stuff to do than clean, Carol."

"Obviously." She thrust the containers into his arms. "Do you have gloves, at least?"

"In the garage."

"At this point, I don't even care why kind of gloves they are. I am not touching that thing with my bare hands." She retrieved the gloves from the garage and threw the casserole dish in the trash, along with almost everything else. "I forgot how...dirty you let things get."

He closed the fridge and crossed his arms. "It ain't that bad."

"Uh-huh." She crossed her arms now. "I swear if I find rats or roaches, you're dealing with them."

"Fine."

"Fine." She met his eyes and slowly smiled.

"What?"

"It's just something my mom told me." She shook her head. "I'll have some cake now. Do you want some coffee?"

"Yeah."

Sophia peeked over the couch as Daryl and her mom, and she noticed the smile and slight smile. She was beginning to wonder why she was just meeting Daryl and her aunts and uncle and grandparents now. She wondered who Daryl was. Her mom never mentioned him, not even when they got into town or on the way over that first time. This was the only time Sophia had seen her mom smiled like that. Who was Daryl to her mom?


	13. Crawl

_If she stared at this page for one second longer without finding the answer, she was going to chuck the book out of her window. She didn't even care that this book was one she had paid for herself since it was a college class. She was so sick of history. _

"_Carol." Maggie leaned into her room. "You got company."_

"_Lori?" She turned in her chair, arm on the back of it. _

"_No."_

"_Andrea?"_

"_No."_

"_Who else do I know?"_

"_It's your boyfriend," Beth said from behind Maggie._

_Carol blushed brightly. "My—what?"_

"_Beth, go!" Maggie shoved her gently toward her room. "It's Daryl. He's on the porch."_

"_Um...okay." She didn't move, just turned her head to the mirror in the corner, feeling sick._

"_Do you want me to tell him you're busy?" She crossed her arms. "I can."_

"_No, I just have a couple of tests tomorrow." She stood up. "Tell him I'll be down in a minute, please. I—I'm just about done with this essay. I've been working on it for an hour, and I want to make sure it concludes...well."_

"_That was the stupidest lie I've ever heard, but nicely done." She headed downstairs._

_Carol ran her hands through her hair, her throat sticking together. She hadn't seen Daryl since he accidentally kissed her. It was all still a blur. They were talking in the barn while she brushed Nelly and somehow he tripped or something and kissed her. God, it was so embarrassing, especially when he **ran** **away**. It was probably the lunch she had. Damn her mother for her cheesy garlic pasta! Her one pasta weakness... She needed to stop lying. _Food_ was her weakness. And now Daryl...was...here at her home..._

_She took a deep breath and grabbed her boots, zipping them up before heading downstairs._

"_Carol." Annette stopped her on the stairs. "I told you: no leaving the house in that towel."_

_She rolled her eyes. "I'm just going out to the porch." _

"_No, it's not a towel," Shawn agreed. "It's a shirt. Where are the pants?"_

"_You two can debate the length of my dress. I'm going outside." She paused by door, tugging on the hem of her dress, suddenly self-conscious. Daryl had seen her less. Bathing suits and such, but that was before the awkward moment the other day. Should she change? No, it was just a dress. It wasn't even that short, although Andrea was the one who bought it for her._

_Shaking her head, she opened the door and stepped out, seeing Daryl sitting on the railing, chewing on his thumbnail. She smiled. Or tried to. She felt a strong need to dig her nails into her arm. She always got itchy when she got nervous. Her mom used to tape mittens to her hands whenever she had to wait for news on a competition. What she wouldn't give for mittens right now. "Hey."_

"_Hey." He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, there was a long pause, and Carol felt the seconds tick by as he tried to find words—any words, it seemed. "You busy?"_

"_I'd be lying if I said yes." She walked over to him, scratching lightly at her wrist with her fingernails. "How are you? You've been scarce lately."_

"_There's a reason for that." He dropped his head, his bangs covering face, but she thought she saw his cheeks flushing._

"_Care to share that with me?" She lifted her hand, brushing her fingernails lightly and repeatedly across her neck. _

"_I think you know what I'm talkin' about." He wasn't able to look at her. He felt ridiculous at how embarrassed he was. It was Carol. She knew almost all of his secrets, so what the hell was he doing? It wasn't like he was proposing marriage. Damn, he needed to just look at her and tell her straight why he ran._

"_The barn."_

_He nodded a little. "Look, I didn't mean to run off. I just—dunno. I pussied out, I guess. Freakin' barn equipment just... and I—" He cut off when he lifted his head. "The hell are you doin'?" He shot up and grabbed her hand. _

"_What?" She frowned._

"_Your neck's real red." He led her inside. "Did you get bit by somethin'?"_

"_No." She scratched at her neck with her free hand, feeling bumps. _

"_Hey, Daryl." Annette paused and looked at the red spot spreading across her daughter's neck. "What is that?" She moved Carol's hand. "Oh, no, it's a rash."_

"_I was fine a few minutes ago." She dropped her hands. _

"_How do you feel?" Annette rummaged through the medicine cabinet. "Anxious at all?"_

"_A little." She avoided looking at Daryl. "Why does that matter?"_

"_When you were little, you'd get a nasty rash whenever you were very anxious. You got it from your father." She grabbed a tube of ointment. "You can imagine how he was when he proposed. I still don't know if that was the worse or best night of my life. Before you and Shawn, of course."_

"_I know. You've told us." She tried not to scratch at it. _

_Her mom smoothed cold ointment over the rash. "I thought you outgrew it, but I guess not." She looked into Carol's eyes. "Is this about those tests? If is it, I want you to slow down and drop one of those classes."_

"_No! I'm not dropping any class!" Carol protested. "I'm fine. It's—nothing. It's probably just a bug bite."_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_I'm fine." She removed her mom's hand. "I'll be fine. Here, I'll do this."_

_Annette pursed her lips. "All right, go on."_

"_Thank you." She took Daryl's hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom, closing the door. She added a little more to the growing rash and tossed the tube onto her bed. "You were saying?"_

"_Are you okay?"_

"_Yes." She sat on her bed. "Tell me what you were saying before."_

"_It's about the kiss." He swallowed hard._

_Her hand twitched as her neck burned to be scratched. "What about it?"_

"_It... I don't..." He stopped. "It don't matter. It was an accident. I gotta go pick up some parts for T."_

"_You came all the way over here just to tell me it was an accident?" Carol narrowed her eyes. "You couldn't have told me _**before**_ you ran away? Before you avoided me for almost two weeks? What the hell, Daryl?!" She didn't know how angry was about his behavior until now. She'd tried talking to him, but he'd just walk out the classroom door first. And at lunch, he would either leave or pretend like she didn't exist. It was hurt her so much more than she would ever admit._

_He tensed up and dropped his head._

"_No, look at me!" She shot up and stormed over to him. "Don't look down at the ground. Tell me why you were such an ass to me!"_

_Still he said nothing._

"_You were my best friend," she whispered. "I told you everything, and I trusted you to always have my back, and then you just...avoid me. And for what? Why did you avoid me if it was just an accident?" She searched his eyes. "If you don't tell me now then don't ever come back to this house, don't ever talk to me and don't expect me to ever forgive you." She was hoping he would just tell her if she threatened to end their friendship entirely. She didn't want to lose him, but if he was going to avoid her then she wasn't going to trail after him like a lost puppy, trying to figure out what she did wrong._

_He just looked at her._

"_If you're embarrassed about it, just tell me. There's no need to be embarrassed." She crossed her arms to keep from digging them into her skin. "You can tell me anything, Daryl."_

_His cheeks began to redden. "...wasn't an..."_

"_What?" She stepped closer. "Wasn't what?"_

"_It wasn't an accident."_

"_It wasn't an accident?" She nodded to herself then heard the words and blinked. "Wait, what? You—you meant to kiss me?"_

"_Not like that...but yeah."_

"_Why would you want to kiss me?" She was confused. Maggie was the girl everyone wanted to date. She was pretty and fun and easy to talk to. She was the one who got all of the attention from guys. Carol was just the one who had to ignore the guys that couldn't get Maggie's number directly and came to her for it. So...what the hell was happening?_

"_I...like you," he mumbled, his cheeks ridiculously red, and he felt so ridiculous for not being able to just tell her._

"_I like you too." Her heart was racing. "I love you. I told you that." Why was the room spinning? And why is it so hot? God, her cheeks were on fire. They were probably redder than her hair. She placed her palms on her cheeks, hoping to cool her face._

"_Goddamn it." Daryl shook his head, grabbed her wrists and jerked her forward. _

_There was a moment before he kissed her when her eyes locked with his in confusion and fear and anticipation, and she swallowed hard just before his mouth met hers. It was a soft kiss, very hesitant and...nice. It was strange to be kissing Daryl and find it...nice. She'd always waited for the day when Daryl stopped being around, and she was terrified that day had come when he avoided her, but to find out he was avoiding her only because he had feelings for her made her feel even more terrified. She'd never had a boyfriend, just a few guys she thought were cute, but she knew she never stood a chance. She always knew that, but now... What the hell?_

"_A-hem!"_

_They broke apart at the sound of Annette harshly clearing her throat, Carol stammered to try and explain what they were doing, and Daryl tried to excuse himself, but Annette closed the door and pointed to Carol's bed with her free hand. _

_Carol knotted her fingers together nervously as her Mom set a mug down on her dresser before returning to stand over them. "It's—"_

"_Don't." She crossed her arms. "I want to talk to Daryl."_

"_Do you want me to wait in the hall?"_

"_You'll hear me either way." She looked at Daryl. "I may not know everything that happens in my daughter's life, but I do know that you have been absent these past two weeks, and Carol's been upset because of it."_

_Carol blushed, embarrassed. "Not upset," she mumbled._

"_Would you tell me why?"_

"_Mom—"_

"_I'm talking to Daryl."_

"_Mrs. Greene, I didn't mean to hurt Carol. I was—an ass, yeah, but it wasn't intentional."_

"_No cussing in the house."_

"_Sorry. I just—Can I talk to Carol first?"_

"_If it's anything like the "talking" I just walked in on, no."_

"_Mom, please." Carol stood up. "I love you and respect you, but please give us a second. Please?"_

_Annette looked over her daughter's face and let out a sigh. "Ten minutes, and I'll eavesdrop if I want." She exited the room and pulled the door shut behind her._

"_I'm sorry about that." She turned to Daryl. "I have to talk to her, but before I do, I have to know what about."_

"_What'd you mean?"_

"_What are we? I don't want to jump to any conclusions, because they scare me. This scares me. You're my best friend, and it's different than my friendships with Lori and Andrea. If this does badly and I lose you—" She dropped off. "But if I don't take this chance, I'll regret it, because...that stupid part of me that loves the corny idea of two friends falling in love and all that crap has secretly hoped you felt the same about me—"_

"_Carol?"_

"_Yes?" She looked at him._

"_Stop talking." He leaned down to kiss her when Annette cleared her throat on the other side of the door. _

"_I have to talk to her, and I have an essay to finish, so...I will see you at school?"_

_He nodded. "Yeah." He gave her a small kiss before opening the door and leaving._

_Annette leaned in the doorway, and Carol opened her mouth, but she pointed to the mug. "Drink that for your rash and take a nap until dinner."_

"_Don't you want to talk?"_

"_Nope. Drink up." She pulled the door shut behind her._

– – –

Carol had dropped Sophia off at Daryl's at twelve, he wasn't awake, so Carol left Sophia to draw in the coloring book Axel had given her, and she went to Daryl's room. He was sleeping hard, so she figured he was still taking medication. She didn't want to wake him up, but she wanted to clean this house from basement to bedroom before she painted, and she couldn't waste time.

"Daryl?" She stepped lightly, not wanting to startle him, and she lowered herself down beside his bed. "Daryl?"

He didn't respond.

"Daryl, wake up." She reached out to shake him, but out of habit, her fingers went to his messy hair. He had thick, soft hair, and he rarely brushed it. She used to comb it out when she was bored and he was passed out. He woke up whenever she hit a knot, and he'd ask her what the hell was she doing. Every time.

Daryl woke instant to someone touching him, but his eyes were heavy, so he didn't open them. He could smell the body wash Carol used as her fingers ran through his hair then her fingertips brushed across his cheek down to his chin.

"Wake up," she said softly.

He rolled onto his back, her hand jerked back, and he opened his eyes. "What?"

"Sophia's downstairs, and I have to go." She was in the doorway. "Get up, sleepyhead. It's noon."

He sat up. "Gimme a couple minutes." He ran his hand down his face.

"I'll make a pot of coffee then." She left and went to the kitchen. "He'll be down in a minute." She poured out the old coffee.

"Mommy, are we still going to see Amy tomorrow?"

"It depends on how she's feeling," Carol replied.

"Can I help you paint?"

"Maybe."

Sophia groaned.

"What?" She looked over her shoulder. "I'm not saying no."

"Maybe means no," Sophia grumbled. "You always say maybe, and we never do it."

Because Ed would find out and beat the shit out of her. She wasn't allowed to go anywhere without him, and if she tried, he made sure she couldn't. She'd canceled so many things because of that asshole. Sophia missed out on so many things.

Daryl paused on the last step, sensing tension.

"Hi, Daryl." Sophia smiled a little.

"Hey." He walked into the kitchen and noticed the bag. "What's this?"

"Oh, I bought you lunch." She turned. "It's a pulled pork sandwich with a bag of salt and vinegar chips."

"You didn't have to."

"I wanted to."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." She turned to Sophia. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Okay."

She gave her a kiss and a hug. "Behave, both of you." Daryl rolled his eyes as he ate, and Sophia rolled her eyes too. "I'll see you two later. No swearing, Daryl."

"Bye, Mommy."

"Bye." She closed the door and wondered how long until it would take before they completely destroyed the house. At least cleaning it wouldn't be too hard.

––

Carol came back and the house was still in one piece. She had Daryl help move furniture while Sophia tried to open the windows. They had to work together to clean the living room, and it wasn't as hard as Carol thought. She was going to have to borrow some serious equipment to clean the floor, but other than that, it was practically done. She would paint it tomorrow with Daryl's help.

– – –

The next day, Carol went to buy paint and brushes and the like while Daryl picked up Sophia from preschool and watched her for a while. When she pulled up in his driveway, she looked over what needed to be carried in then decided to go get Daryl and ask him for help. This would take some time if she didn't. She slipped out of the car and opened the front door with the key Daryl gave her. She was pulled inside by Daryl.

"What?" She met his eyes.

"Help me." He was so serious.  
"I'm gonna destroy my damn DVD player."

"Why?" She glanced over and laughed. Sophia was glued to the TV as Elsa began to build her castle of ice, singing the popular _Let It Go_. No wonder Daryl was losing his mind. He hated animated movies and singing. She probably made him watch it over and over. Carol had learned to block it out, but Daryl? Poor, poor Daryl.

"Unload the trunk, and I'll take Sophia home. I'll bring coffee on my way back. Deal?" He dashed out the door before she finished, and she chuckled. "Sophia?"

"Yeah?" Sophia didn't look up.

Carol turned the TV off. "It's past your bedtime."

"No, it's not!" Sophia stood up and faced her. "Is it?"

"Yeah, it is. C'mon, let's get you home."

"Aren't you coming?"

"No. I have to come back and start painting, but I'll be home when you wake up. We'll go on a picnic with Uncle Shawn and Aunt Maggie and Beth. I promise."

"Okay." She grabbed the knapsack while Carol put _Frozen_ back in its case then into the knapsack. "Daryl?"

He set the paint cans down. "Yeah?"

She held her arms out, wanting a hug goodbye, and Carol was about to tell her Daryl didn't hug, but Daryl hugged her. It surprised Carol and made her smile. "Bye."

"Bye, kid."

Sophia smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry that I made you watch _Frozen_ over and over."

"Me too."

She laughed. "Will you come tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"

"To the picnic."

"Oh, Sophia, that's just a family thing," Carol informed her. "Sorry, sweetie. He can come next time."

"Okay." She smiled at him. "Will you come?"

"Sure." He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Let's go, honey." Carol led her out of the house and to her car, helping her inside and setting the knapsack on the floor. Carol got in the car and put her seat belt on. "So, did you have fun?"

"Yeah. Daryl's really cool." You could hear the smile in her voice. "He taught me how to make wooden spoons and stuff. Well, he showed me. He said when I'm older, he'll teach me about cars."

"That sounds like Daryl."

"How come I only just met Daryl?" Sophia finally asked. "And my aunts, uncle and grandparents? You always said you they were gone."

"I know I did." Carol glanced back at her. "There are things you don't understand, Sophia, and the reason I told you that is one of those things. I'll explain it when you're older. You'll understand it better."

"Oookaaay," Sophia sighed.

Carol dropped her off, seeing Beth and Maggie on the porch who greeted her, and Carol was glad to have her family. All the time she wanted to come back, all the nights she cried because of what she did to them and how she could never make up for lost time was worth it now. Sophia had a family, father figures, a home, and Carol doubted that if she came back at any other time, this would've gone so well. She was glad she spoke to her mom. She felt a lot better about—everything, really.

She returned to Daryl's, finding a note telling her he went out with Merle and would be back soon taped to a paint can. She ripped it off and picked up the paint can. If Merle took him out, Daryl wasn't going to be any help when he got back. Merle was the only man who could make Daryl drink until he passed out.

She turned on the overhead light to see the entire living room, every little shadowy corner, and she was thankful this room wasn't too big. And that Daryl had a ladder. She could handle painting one room by herself. Besides the other rooms needed cleaning first.

––

The front door opened later—much later—that night, Carol figured he needed a break anyway. He'd been cooped up in here for nearly two days and the hospital too, so he and Merle probably went out celebrate his good health or something. As long as he didn't fall back on old habits, she was fine with it.

She smiled at him and said, "I finished one wall, but I'm gonna need help. I hope you're up for it." She bent down and dipped the brush inside the paint can. She reached up to outline the stairs when Daryl slammed into her, knocking her against the door to the kitchen, causing her to drop the paintbrush.

"Daryl?"

His hands slid down her sides, and she was confused, trying to ask him what the hell he was doing, and his hand slipped into her pants and panties, effectively breaking the button on her favorite pair of jeans. She wanted to yell at him to stop, wanted to struggle out of his grasp, but her voice didn't reach her throat and her body didn't put up a fight, no matter how much her mind wanted it too. She closed her eyes, lips parting as he gently stroked her, and she started panting, gripping the wall as the blood in her body began to boil, trying to absorb the sensation that could only be described as chaotic that he was unleashing on her body.

_**Everybody sees it's you**_

_**I'm the one that lost the view**_

She leaned against him, her head rested on his shoulder, his lips caught a few curls as he planted kisses along her jaw. She moaned through her teeth, smelling the alcohol on his breath. She hadn't been with a man in a long time, but this was wrong. He was drunk, and he wouldn't remembered anyway. And if he did, this would only hurt him more. She couldn't do this, no matter what her body told her. She needed to stop this. Now. She didn't take his offer to screw with him. She took it to try and make up for what she did to him.

_**Everybody says we're through**_

_**I hope you haven't said it too**_

"Daryl, stop." She was unconvincing, so she swallowed and tried again. "Daryl, no. We can't do this."

"Stop?" He turned and pushed her rather roughly against the door to the kitchen, Carol wondered just how drunk he was, because the way he was looking at her wasn't loving. He looked angry, but a little further South, he looked very up for...things. She was worried he wouldn't stop, but terrified she wouldn't want him to. She was just as willing as he was, but she was sober.

He pulled her closer, the look in his eyes was burning through her, and he stopped just before he kissed her, his mouth inches away from hers. She wanted him to kiss her badly. She didn't want to stop or listen to reason. She wanted him to kiss her hard and not stop until the hunger in both of them was sated. She wanted to reach for him, but he wouldn't let her. He kept her at a distance, tasting her minty breath, and only when she thought he was going to let her go, did he crush his mouth to hers.

_**So where do we go from here**_

_**With all this fear in our eyes?**_

It was different than before. He was kissing her roughly, almost attacking her with his lips and tongue, but he still was gentle about it, like he was fighting with himself. His hands slid down into her jeans again and grasped her ass, and he broke the kiss, looking into her eyes. He kept watching her, and she was really confused, but part of her was loving it. She would hate that part later when Daryl wasn't looking at her like she was the only thing that existed ever.

_**And where can love take us now?**_

_**We've been so far down, we can still touch the sky**_

He leaned down and kissed her neck, tasting the soap on her skin, effectively driving her insane. She wanted to touch him, but he pinned her hands down again. She was stuck, feeling his soft lips moving further and further down her neck toward her collarbone, nibbling and sucking occasionally, causing her to moan and squirm to get her arms free. He wasn't going to let go.

"Daryl," she breathlessly moaned. "Daryl, please..."

_**If we crawl 'til we can walk again**_

_**Then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump**_

He kissed her, pushing his tongue into her mouth and probably breaking the zipper to her pants as he yanked it down, pushing her jeans and panties down until they slipped down her thighs on their own. She was too lost in the kiss to even care, but he pulled away again. "Kick 'em away," he said, his forehead against her forehead, his hair over his eyes.

She stepped out of her pants and kicked them to the side. "Daryl, are you sure? Maybe we should—"

He cupped her cheeks and kissed her, and his hands drifted down, gathering the hem of her shirt and tugging it off. He let her push off his leather jacket then he removed his shirts. He bent down and picked her up, she locked her thighs around his hips, wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his kiss, completely his in that moment.

_**Then we'll fly until there is no wind**_

_**So let's crawl, crawl, crawl**_

He set her down on the island, knocking over whatever shit was on it, breaking the kiss to remove his jeans and boxers. She was surprised when he climbed on top of her, grasping her hips and pulling her to him. His eyes were so smoldering, and she gasped when he thrust inside of her without any warning. She gripped the edge of the island as he ease out then thrust back in, repeating it over and over. He was rough, and she wasn't used to that from him, but she adjusted and matched him, her insides quivering when his airy moan brushed her ear.

Carol came convulsing around him, loudly calling his name as if no time had passed, as if she wasn't married to another man, as if she were that eighteen year old girl again, and Daryl followed soon after, pouring himself into her. They both felt a connection that never really went away, and in that moment, they had returned to who they were four years ago—in love and so important to each other—because maybe...just maybe...they still were.

_**Back to love**_

– – –

Carol took a really long shower, not wanting to talk about what just happened, and when she finally was able to go and find him, he was passed out on the couch. She almost laughed, but she wasn't sure if it was because she found it funny or because she was relieved. She rolled him over with much difficult then tossed the blanket over him and decided to keep on painting. It wasn't as if he was going to wake up anytime soon.

––

_Carol hurried downstairs, Beth and Maggie followed, but Otis, Shawn and Patricia blocked the stairs. None of them could jump the banister without breaking something, so they could only watch and listen to what Hershel and Annette were saying to Daryl and his responses to them. Carol felt sick, so she sat down, Beth sat beside her, taking her hand and smiling encouragingly at her. _

"_Are you even listening to me?" Hershel demanded when Daryl didn't said anything. "Daryl!"_

_He jolted. "Co—could I talk to Carol?"_

"_No."_

"_Hershel." Annette was scolding him like a child. "Daryl, I have to know something before this conversation continues." _

"_Yeah?"_

"_Do you have any intentions of raising this child?"_

_He swallowed. "I needa talk to Carol. It's our problem."_

"_The hell it is!" Hershel exclaimed, face red._

"_Okay, let me through." Carol stood up. "Shawn, move."_

"_No."_

_She tickled his side, he squirmed away giggling and she walked into the living room. "Mom, Dad, could you give us a minute?"_

"_The last minute you had, he got you pregnant, so no."_

_Carol blushed. "Daddy!"_

"_No, you don't get to "Daddy" me and get out of this." He wore disappointment well, but it was usually Shawn who was at the receiving end. "I thought we raised you better than this."_

"_You did," she argued. "You both raised me well."_

"_And yet you're eighteen and pregnant."_

"_We were safe the first time!" Carol retorted then closed her eyes and mentally kicked herself. They didn't need to know that. They didn't need to know anything more than the fact that she was pregnant. Why did she have the ability to speak? Why? _

"_The **first** time?" Annette crossed her arms. _

"_Who's hungry?" Shawn asked them, and they all cleared out._

"_I just meant I know what you taught me, and we were safe. I honestly don't know how this happened." She sighed. "You can yell at me, but leave Daryl out of this. He's not your kid—I am."_

"_He may not be our son," Hershel informed her, "but he is staying with us. He broke house rules."_

"_Several times, it appears," Annette added._

_Carol sat beside him. "Defend yourself." She rested her face in her hands and waited for the unprotected sex talk to happen._

"_Can I talk?" Daryl asked Hershel._

"_No."_

"_Hershel." Annette nodded at Daryl. "Go on."_

"_I know Carol and me broke...house rules, but we ain't just foolin' 'round." Carol lowered her hands as he spoke. "I love her, and I ain't gonna abandon her or our baby. I'm gonna be here. You have my word." He was looking at Carol._

_Annette smiled and looked at her husband, but Hershel was frowning. She decided to speak before him. "We appreciate that, sweetie, but we can't have a family here. We already have one here. I'm not kicking you out or anything, but this—"_

"_I'll buy a house then. I'll take care of them."_

"_You will?" Hershel and Carol asked at the same time. _

"_'Course I will." He turned toward her. "I was freakin' out at the dock, but I know what I want."_

"_And that's the baby?" She sounded so disbelieving._

"_And you." He nodded. "I wanna be there." He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers._

_Annette nudged Hershel, but he didn't move, she took his hand in both of hers and led him out of the room. She and Hershel went to tell the others what happened._

_Carol released his hand and hugged him, climbing onto his lap and squeezing him with both her legs and arms. He probably couldn't breathe, but she didn't want to let him go just yet. She'd never loved him more than she did right then._

"_Carol, **stop."**_

_She laughed and released him. "Sorry." She cupped his cheeks and kissed him. "I love you, Daryl Dixon."_

_He smirked. "Good. I'd hate to propose to somebody who don't love me."_

"_Propose?" She gaped. "Pro—What?" She was dumbstruck. _

"_I don't gotta ring, and if I'm buyin' a house, I ain't gonna be able to afford one any time soon, so till then this'll be your ring." He slipped his thumb under her shirt to her hip where her tattoo was. _

_She smiled. "Shh, Daddy doesn't know. I think he's had enough news today."_

_He kissed her, slipping his fingers into her hair, and there was a mixture of "awww" and gagging noises behind them. Carol turned and saw her entire family behind them, and as embarrassed as she was, she laughed._

"_Tell 'em," he whispered._

"_Brace yourself." She sat on the couch. "We're getting married."_

– – –

In the morning, Carol made coffee and had the remedy for his hangover ready. She knew he was up when the groaning started. She'd been wearing a stupid smile most of the morning, even Jacqui called her out on it, but she just lied. She was getting good at that. Or Jacqui was humoring her. Knowing Jacqui, she was humoring her. Great. The whole town would know something was off with them.

"Son of a bitch," Daryl groaned, pissed at himself for drinking so heavily. Only Merle could make him do that.

"Good morning," she said softly when he stumbled into the kitchen. "Here." She slid the glass of water and pills over to him. "I'll make you a cup of coffee."

"You stayed the night?" He took the pills and eyed her, obviously having no idea what happened on the island he was leaning against the previous day.

"No. I went home pretty late though." She shrugged, filling another cup with coffee and holding it out to him.

"Carol." He gently touched a bruise on her arm. It was from his grip last night, but it didn't hurt. "The hell happened?"

"It's not as bad as it looks. I honestly don't feel it."

"You sure?"

"Yes." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Fine." He drank the coffee. "What happened?"

"Last night?" She crossed her legs as she sat down, taking her cup in her hands as he nodded. "Nothing. You just barged in, got a little clumsy and then passed out on the couch. Face-first, I might add. I had a hard time turning you. You're more solid than you look."

"Clumsy?" He didn't remember.

"You broke—some cups. You fell against the island and broke a few cups."

"Aag, I don't even remember that. Anything else?"

"When you fell, I dropped the brush on the floor, because I thought you were going to fall, so there's a blue blob on the floor. I can scrape it up."

"Nah, that's fine."

"You sure? It won't look good to buyers."

"Well, I got three words for 'em."

"Oh? Just three?" she teased.

"Kiss my ass."

She shook her head and laughed. "Take a shower. You smell like a bar."

He took the cup of coffee upstairs with him, Carol ran her thumbs over the rim of the cup, and as the shower came on, the front door closed. She got into her car and drove off. She would finish painting later. She needed space from Daryl right now. She felt so awkward around him, but she was glad she didn't seem to show it. As if their relationship wasn't complicated enough.

Beth had rounded up Shawn and Maggie when Carol pulled in, Sophia was on the porch with Dee Dee and a basket. Carol was glad Beth had demanded her to come with them. She needed some family time, because in family time, they talked about everything, and that would take her mind off Daryl.

They walked to the picnic tables by the trees, Sophia was playing with one of the baby pigs while Shawn, Maggie, Beth and Carol swatted at bugs and drank sun-warmed water. It wasn't the most ideal picnic, but at least they were together and Beth seemed happy. She was smiling at Sophia and the baby pig, and Carol wondered why Sophia made Beth so happy. She probably wanted kids of her own now. She was too young for that, and she didn't even have a boyfriend, not one that Daddy approved of anyway.

"So, what's the plan?" Shawn asked. "I have movers coming to get my stuff at six on Friday, and I have to meet Sasha at the house at one, so when should I bring her over?"

"Seven," Beth replied. "I wanna make dinner for all of us. Do you mind helpin', Carol?"

"Sure, I'd love to." She rested her head in her hand.

"You don't want my help?" Maggie pushed her sunglasses up.

"I do need your help. We're gonna need the table from the basement."

"Great, I love bein' the muscle."

"You have the biceps for it," Shawn commented.

"Fine, as long as I don't gotta taste any food. I'll rather wait and pig out." She smiled.

"Classy. Glenn's a lucky guy."

She smacked him in the back of the head. "Go play."

He glared, but went to play with Sophia anyway.

"I have a lot to do before they come, so I need help." Beth lowered her voice. "Daddy and T and Jacqui have are throwin' them a weddin', here on Friday."

"What?" Maggie softly exclaimed. "Are they insane? Are **you** insane?"

"Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she needs to get married," Carol agreed.

"Y'all both know Shawn's gonna ask her eventually to marry him, so we decided to push 'em along. It's a surprise, so please don't tell," she pleaded with her big eyes. "Promise me."

"We promise," Carol and Maggie grumbled.

"Good, because it's gonna take all of us." She pulled a notepad out of the back pocket of her jeans. "Glenn's mama's makin' the cake, and he's bringing it with him, so we don't have to worry about that. Umm, Jacqui and I are decoratin' the house, but I'm gonna try to help you cook, Carol. I promise, but it'll be a while."

"That's fine."

"Okay. Ty and T-dog are going to bring tables and chairs. Oh! Otis and Patricia are comin' too!" Beth grinned.

"Is that such a surprise?" Carol looked between them. She hadn't seen them since they got there, but she assumed they were busy or something. Otis could've taken some time off. He often did that in the spring, but only for a couple weeks.

"Well, yeah." Maggie turned to her. "Otis and Daddy got into it a while back, and Otis left. They haven't been talkin', so this is good. They may get to talkin' and might make up. I miss having Otis and Patricia around here."

"What was the fight about?"

"Daddy wouldn't tell us." Maggie shrugged. "He said we didn't need to be involved."

"Oh."

"Anyway," Beth cleared her throat, "Jacqui's gonna bring one of Sasha's best dresses or buy a new one, and Daddy's has Shawn's tuxedo. I need you both to dress your best, please."

"'Cause I was gonna a tube top and thong to this," Maggie replied.

Carol laughed.

Beth glared. "That ain't funny. I'm serious!"

"I'll wear my best black dress."

"Can't you make it somethin' a little more...colorful? It's spring, after all."

"Fine, I wear blue."

"Great!" Beth smiled. "I'm wearin' yellow."

"Then I'll wear red." Carol closed her eyes. "It's an easy match to my hair."

"We'll need to start as soon as Shawn leaves. Shawn's gonna be unpackin' or helpin' Sasha pack, so we don't gotta worry 'bout them showin' up. I'll let Sophia decide on the music."

"That's fine, just don't tell her until Friday. She's a blabbermouth."

Beth nodded and crossed her legs. "Hey, Carol?"

"Yeah?" She opened her eyes.

"Sophia's birthday's comin' up in, like, a month or two, right?" Beth looked at her, and Carol nodded. "Could I plan it?"

"Why?"

"I just...like plannin' stuff." She averted her eyes and closed the notepad.

"Yeah, you can. I don't mind."

Beth's smile returned. "Thanks."

"I thought this was a picnic," Shawn complained. "I'm hungry. Somebody feed me food that Maggie didn't cook."

Maggie flipped him off when Sophia wasn't looking.

"No, thanks. I have a girlfriend."

Maggie turned to them. "Excuse me." She stood up and ran after Shawn, he didn't get away from her, and she tackled him into the mug.

"Cheater," he accused. "You had police training!"

"Sore loser." She laughed.

"You know what—" He sat up, knocking her into the mud, and he threw mud in her face. "I hear it does wonders for the skin."

"You are so dead!"

Sophia carried the baby pig over to Beth and her mom, looking back at Shawn and Maggie as they wrestled in the mud.

"I wish I had a camera." Carol laughed, picking Sophia up and setting her on the bench beside her. "Hungry?"

"Thirsty." She set the pig down gently in the grass and Carol handed her a bottle of water. "I wish I had a brother or a sister."

"Don't look at me." Carol spun the cap to the water bottle. "Look at them."

"In a few months, you'll have a cousin." Beth squinted at the sunlight.

"A baby cousin," Carol added. "When you two are older, you can teach him or her stuff."

"I guess." She set the bottle on the table. "I have Paige for now, and she's like my sister. Oh, Mommy, that reminds me. Me and Paige have the same eye color!"

"You do?"

"Yeah! The teacher told us so."

"Cool. I have my father's eyes," Carol told her. "And so do you."

"Will my cousin have Shawn's eyes?"

"I don't know."

"I hope it does," Beth admitted. "With her complexion and his eyes, that baby will be so adorable."

"Help!" Shawn called, trying to get free. "Assistance!"

"No!" Beth called back.

"Why not?" Carol hopped up and went to help after kicking off her sandals.

"Now, _I _wish I had camera." Beth giggled.

––

Daryl ran his hands through his hair against the towel to dry it, Merle was flipping through the channels on the TV, trying to find something decent to watch, and Daryl tipped back the beer he'd opened. It was the only one he was allowing himself to have.

"How'd you sleep?" Merle asked.

"Deep. I have idea what the hell happened when I got home. Broke some cups, apparently." He plopped down in the chair, tossing the towel onto the chair beside him.

"What's with that looks then?"

"It's nothin'." He shrugged.

"Don't be shy, Darylina."

Daryl glared. "Just...had a weird dream. Felt real."

"What'd you dream 'bout? Ethan?"

"Nah, Carol."

"Mousy? What 'bout her?"

He shrugged, not wanting to say.

Merle narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"Nothin', just...felt really real. I was out, though." He shook his head. In the dream, he could taste her breathe and smell her hair. He could feel her warmth, practically taste her lips. It was the most vivid dream he'd ever had. It was strange. He wasn't as pissed at her as he was. After getting drunk, he wanted to go off on her. He wanted to actually hurt her, but it was just because he was drunk and pissed off. He would never hurt Carol. Seeing that bruise, though... That's were he held her down in his dream, so...was it real? Did he hurt her? Fucking hell, did he hurt her? He didn't mean to.

"That girl yours?" Merle asked.

"I don't know." He set his beer on the table. "She doesn't wanna do any tests, 'cause she thinks it'll only confuse Sophia."

"Tsk, bullshit."

"She really just don't want me to raise that girl." He knew that. "She's afraid I'll screw her up, probably. Tsk, as if "Ed" was a good father. Asshole ain't even with her."

"She probably left him like she left you."

He pursed his lips.

"You needa find out why, baby brother. That woman's a poison to you."

"No, she ain't." He chewed his bottom lip.

"Then find out why the hell she left "Ed", and if that fucker was abusive to that little girl, lemme know."

"You can't solve everything, Merle." He ran his hands down his face.

"I can try." He drank deeply from his bottle, belched and looked around the room. "This room looks different."

"Carol painted it."

"Oh, Carol." He rolled his eyes.

"Don't start."

"You're lettin' her run all over you again. What, she's gonna fix this place up then leave? What happens after she's done, Daryl? Huh? You think of that?"

"Yeah, I have."

"And? You think you're gonna...what? Win her over? Make her love you again? She don't love you. She proved that by leavin' your ass and having a kid that _might_ not be yours!"

"She might be!" Daryl snapped.

"Then why won't Carol let you do a paternity test, huh? She knows that kid ain't yours, and she's only jerkin' you around 'cause she can. She's already scraped you off like dogshit once. I'm just lookin' out for you."

"Since when?" He scoffed.

"All your goddamn life!" Merle spat. "Somebody had to look after your worthless ass, and that was me, not Carol!"

"You still left!" He shot up.

"So did she!" He glowered at Daryl. "Damn bitch has your head fogged up, brother. Open your eyes and realize this woman don't give two shits 'bout you! She's gonna leave again too, and when she does, don't come cryin' to me."

"She ain't gonna leave again."

"How the hell do you know? You don't even know why she left! You don't know her agenda!"

"And you do?" Daryl erupted. "Ever since I started dating Carol in high school, you've done nothin' but degrade her and tried to get me to leave her. I ain't in high school no more, Merle, and I ain't with Carol either. She's only fixin' this goddamn house so I can sell it! So shut the hell up!"

Merle scoffed. "Whatever." He walked over to the door. "If you ain't gonna listen to me, at least watch your back around her."

"Tsk, yeah, sure." He sat down and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to stop the thoughts in his head. He knew he still loved Carol, but she didn't love him, because she went and fell in love with someone else. He had every reason to not love Carol, to hate Carol, but there was no possible way he could. She was the only person who ever looked at him and saw somebody, not a worthless bastard. He couldn't forget that, and he never wanted to. He was fool, but Merle was bigger fool if he thought Carol was just going to run off. If Carol knew Sophia wasn't his, she wouldn't have come to him... Right?

––

After preschool on Wednesday, Amy took the girls to the park while Carol earned a few bucks at the Greene Leaf and avoided Daryl. She hid behind the counter when he came in and made Jacqui take his order. She just couldn't look at him. She was so embarrassed at what she did and scared about what it meant, and he didn't even remembered it. That made it worse.

"He's gone."

"Really?" She stood up and came face-to-face with Daryl. She blushed. "Hi."

"He?" Daryl handed Jacqui a five.

"That old geezer," Jacqui lied. "He's real creepy."

"What she said." Carol crossed her arms.

"You comin'?"

"What?" Her face burned.

"To work on the house. Are you comin'?" He took his change while Jacqui looked at Carol through the corner of her eye.

"N—no, not today." She couldn't look at his face for long. "Amy has Sophia, and we decided to have dinner. I can't pay, but I can cook."

He nodded. "Tomorrow then?"

"Uh-huh. Definitely."

"I'll be home to help."

She nodded, still not able to look at him. "Great."

Jacqui helped the man behind Daryl so they could talk more.

"You need money?" Daryl asked, wondering why she was so red in the face and why she was studying the tiles.

"For a phone." She glanced at him. "I don't have one, and I can't keep taking money from my dad, so I'm going to work for it."

"Coulda asked me. I told you I'd pay you."

"I know, but you already have to pay for the paint and furniture and cleaning supplies. I feel weird asking you for money."

He pulled a bill out of his wallet and stuffed it into her tip cup then left.

She pulled it out and almost smiled. It was a hundred. It was a sweet gesture, but she was going to put it in his sock drawer tomorrow. She couldn't take his money. She already felt weird around him because of what happened last night. She didn't need to feel bad about taking his money.

When she got off, she went to Amy's to prepare dinner, and she was...disturbed to see where Amy lived. It was in the worst part of town, and her apartment building looked like the one they always how on they news when somebody gets shacked in an alley. She actually locked the doors to her car and hoped no one stripped it down for parts while she was here.

She went inside and found Amy's apartment as quickly as she could. She knocked and Amy answered, smiling and letting her inside. The inside was nice, cozy, and she had lot of pictures of her and Paige on the walls, but it was probably to make up for the lack of pictures of the other part of her family.

"The girls are playing in Paige's room." She led Carol into the small kitchen. "So, what's for dinner? I'm starving."

"I'm made boiled potatoes, chicken tenders and macaroni and cheese. It's all homemade, nothing from a can or a box."

"Impressive."

"Yeah, Jacqui helped with the chicken since I can't work the fryer at the cafè, but I made everything else." She set the bag on the table, and Amy pulled down plates and cups. "I love your apartment. It's nice."

"It'll do for now. I'm saving up to buy a house. It's taking longer than I expected." She set the plates on the table. "And you? How's it coming with Daryl's house?"

"Slow. We've had...some setbacks, but I'm going to start really working tomorrow. I have to finish painting then call my friend Karen's sister to come and see if she can make some stained glass. I think it would brighten the kitchen. God knows that house needs brightened."

Amy gathered forks and glanced at her. "I—I'm sorry...about Ethan. I can't imagine... You didn't deserve that. Nobody does."

Carol didn't say anything.

"If I could, I would've gone to his funeral, but..." She paused. "I sent flowers. Did you ever get them?"

Carol remembered throwing a fit after she destroyed the nursery. She threw vases of flower into the wall, screaming at Daryl and her mom. She destroyed so many things, and she could never rebuild them. She could and would try, but she knew they would always be waiting foe the day she didn't come home, the day her room once again gathered dust.

"It's been quite some time. I don't expect you to remember a vase of orchids."

"I remember them. They were lovely."

"So, how's your family?" She tucked hair behind her ear.

"They're well. Shawn and Sasha are expecting a baby."

"That's great." She smiled. "Shawn will be a great father, and Sasha's very... well, strict. She'll definitely be the disciplinary of the two."

"True. Shawn can't be strict to save his life."

Amy grabbed a few cans of pop from the fridge. "Paige, Sophia, dinner!"

They sat down to eat, Paige and Sophia were talking about something they learned in school, and Amy was interested, but Carol's mind began to wander. She was thinking of all the things that happened after Ethan. She was awful to everyone, especially her mother and Daryl.

– – –

_Water dripped down into the puddle of limp flowers and shatter glass, Annette and Daryl moved their eyes from the mess of the broken glass to Carol, who was panting and wracking her hands through her hair. She'd been doing all right, talking softly with Beth and Maggie, but the minute Daryl came home, she lost it. It was always the same thing, but tonight was the first night she'd actually broken anything since she destroyed the nursery._

"_Just leave me alone!" Carol screamed._

"_No, we are not going to just leave you alone!" Annette shouted back. "Carol, you need to calm down right now!"_

"_Calm down? Calm—calm down?" She let out a laugh. "Yes, let me calm down and talk rationally about the worst fucking of my god damned life! Let us do that!"_

"_Your life is not damned."_

"_Just—leave—me—alone! I don't want to deal with this talking and your bullshit lies! It doesn't get better! Time doesn't heal shit! Stop lying!"_

"_Carol—" Daryl stepped toward her._

"_Don't you dare talk to me," Carol growled. _

"_And why the hell shouldn't he talk to his wife?" Annette snapped. "I know you're in pain, pretty girl, but you can't keep acting like this. You need to talk to someone—to me, even."_

"_Oh, God, I am so sorry that my pain isn't going away. Let me just take some Prozac and call it a day!"_

"_Have you been mixing your pills?" Annette narrowed her eyes, and Carol was silent. "Carol Susanne Greene, have you been mixing your pills?"_

_Carol weakly shrugged her shoulders as tears filled her eyes. "Why wasn't it me?" Her voice broke. "It should've—should've been me."_

"_No." Annette pulled Carol into her arms as she sobbed. "No, pretty girl."_

"_It should've been me." She gasped in a breath._

_Daryl watched as Carol cried in her mother's arms, his eyes dropped, and he felt...alone. It was different than anything else he'd ever felt. Most of his life, he had Carol, but now he didn't even have her. She was lost to him, drowning in a darkness that excluded him, and no matter how he swam, he didn't have the strength to pull her out. He never did._

_Annette put Carol to bed and found Daryl downstairs, leaning against the island, and she walked over to him. "She's asleep."_

_He nodded, unable to lift his eyes from the tiles._

"_I'm sorry she said those things. You didn't deserve them. Once she's better, I'm certain she'll tell you the same."_

"_If, you mean."_

_She shook her head. "I'll call to her doctor and try to get her off those pills. They aren't doing anything, and I worry they're only making her worse. I have no doubt they're why she's lashing out."_

"_I appreciate you tryin' to make me feel better, but don't. I ain't worth it, and you needa get home. It's late." He pushed off the island. "Or stay, if you want. I gotta check on some stuff. Be best if she didn't wake up to an empty house."_

_She called to him as he opened the front door. "Don't." She heard the door close as he left, and she sighed, closing her eyes. That young man was going through so much, and he wouldn't even talk about it. Carol was talking about it—yelling about it, crying about it—but she wasn't going through any of it. She was just lingering, and Annette knew it would take time, but Carol was...refusing to believe any good could come of this, refusing to accept Daryl's love and refusing to cope. Ethan was gone, but he was in Heaven with his grandfather, watching over them. It broke her heart to think of her husband and grandchild watching Carol and Daryl drift down a path that may not allow them to return._

––

_Daryl came home just before dawn, Annette had left a note telling him that she was getting food for breakfast—Carol hadn't eaten a thing since they lost Ethan, just broths Beth or Maggie managed to get into her—and would be back soon. He let the note be and went upstairs, going into the guest bedroom, and he heard a shattering sound._

"_Carol?" He dropped his coat on the bed and stuck his head out. He saw light spilling through the bathroom door that was ajar. Shattering! The mirror! "Carol!" He ran down the hall and pushed the door open, finding her on the floor, the mirror shattered into the sink and floor. "Carol?"_

_Heeding the glass, he bent down beside her. "Carol?"_

_She inhaled shakily and met his eyes. "It should've been me."_

_He looked her over, trying to see blood, but there wasn't any. "Carol, what—?"_

_She lifted her hand from her side, a piece of glass held so tightly in her palm she was bleeding, but other than that, there were no slits. She hadn't gone through with it. "Why wasn't it me?"_

_He pulled the glass gently from her hand then took her into his arms, surprised that she let him. Her arms wrapped around him tightly, and he gripped her, not wanting to ever let her go. He could feel her shaking in his arms, but she wasn't crying. He wondered if she was out of tears. All she did anymore was cry, so it wouldn't surprise him._

_Carol nuzzled her face into his shoulder, gripping the collar of his shirt with her bloody hand. "You are my sunshine... my only sunshine. You make me happy when...skies are gray. You never know dear how much I love you, **please...**don't take my sunshine away..."_

"_Carol?" He felt her go limp, and he pulled back to find her unconscious in his arms. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, finding it in disarray, but he noticed the empty bottles of pills on the bed with only a few pills scattered on the bedspread. "Oh, shit." He grabbed the phone off the nightstand and called 911, sticking his fingers down Carol's throat..._

––

_In the emergency room, Daryl sat with his head in his hands, Beth and Maggie talking softly to Hershel across the room, and then came yelling. It was Annette going off on Carol's doctor, the one who had given her all of those damn prescriptions: alevia, superprax, draxophyl... She was right to go off, the man had no idea what the hell he was doing, and Carol nearly died because of it._

"_Mom." Maggie put her arm around her shoulders and led her away. "Calm down."_

_She sighed and took a seat. "Why is this happening?" She gripped Maggie's hand tightly. "My baby girl..." _

_Shawn glanced up momentarily then ran his hands through his hair and moved beside Annette, taking her other hand in both of his. It made him ache to see the woman in his life suffer so. There was nothing he could do. He couldn't help his mom, because he couldn't help Carol. His once happy and determined kid sister was lost, and there was not a damn thing he could do. He'd always been able to do something, but not this time, not when it really counted._

"_Why didn't you stop her?" Beth stood in front of Daryl. _

"_Beth, don't." Maggie grabbed her wrist, but Beth yanked back so hard, Maggie's hand hit her in the face._

"_Why didn't you stop her?!" Beth demanded. "Where were you?!"_

_Daryl said nothing._

"_What, you can't talk now? How convenient! My sister almost dies, and you were doing what? What the hell is more important than Carol?!" She was shouting. "Where?!"_

"_Beth, calm down!" Shawn hissed. "You've no right."_

"_I have no right?" Beth scoffed. "He doesn't. Why is he even here? I mean, really? It's all his fault. He doesn't try hard enough. He just lets Ma and Daddy and us help Carol."_

"_That is enough, Beth!" Hershel told her._

"_No! I ain't gonna pity him! Why should I? He brought it on himself. I heard him talkin' to Mason." Beth watched him stand up. "Don't walk away! You can't pretend to care when you wished this to happen! This is all your fault!"_

_Annette stood up and slapped Beth hard across the face, Shawn and Maggie and Hershel were all stunned to see Annette do that when it took everything she had to yell and scold them, and Beth stared, holding a hand to her pulsing cheek. "Don't you dare talk to him like that," Annette snapped. "We have lost too much, and I am not about to lose my son. Apologize, Beth. Now."_

"_You didn't—"_

"_That's not an apology I'm hearing."_

_She clenched her teeth. "I'm sorry, Daryl."_

"_When you actually mean those words," Annette told her, "I'll consider shortening how long you'll be grounded. Now sit down and don't you dare accuse anyone else."_

_Beth plopped down in the chair nearest to her, folding her arms across her chest, and Hershel sat down beside her, talking softly to her about her words. She held tears back as Hershel talked to her, trying to be angry, trying to hate, but it wasn't working. She was upset and scared. She didn't want to lose anyone else._

_Shawn set a hand on his mom's shoulder and went after Daryl who was out the front doors for some air, and he found Daryl in the shadows. He heard Daryl grunt as he slammed his fist into the hard brick of the building, and Shawn called to him._

"_Son of a bitch!" He was raging._

"_Daryl, don't!" He grabbed his arm. "Stop it!"_

"_That damned asshole!" He jerked his arm free, blood on his knuckles. "That fucking bastard did this! Goddamn it!"_

"_What? Who?"_

"_Mason," Daryl growled. _

"_What did Mason do?" _

"_After y'all ran into him at that diner, I found him. He told me that kid was a mistake, and he'd hoped it aborted itself before it was born." Daryl clenched his jaw. "Beth's right; it's all my fault."_

"_No, it's not."_

"_If I hasn't—"_

"_Mason would still have hoped that," Shawn reasoned. "He's an asshole, and whatever he said were words of a bastard. It wasn't your fault Ethan died. It wasn't Carol's or any doctors'. Look, Mom told me every woman in our family has lost their first child."_

"_What?" Daryl met his eyes._

"_Yeah. After Carol lost Ethan, Mom was talking about how she lost her twins and how my grandmother lost her daughter. It's just something that happens in our family." He crossed his arms. He felt so sick, because it wouldn't happen to him. He was a man, and his firstborn would probably be fine. What he wouldn't give to have protected Carol from this. What he wouldn't give to have changed what happened._

"_Does Carol know that?"_

"_No. Mom wanted to tell her, but I made her promise not to. Carol's fragile right now, and this won't help."_

"_It might help. She can stop blamin' herself."_

"_I mean no disrespect, but I know my sister better than you, and it won't help her right now. She probably won't believe it. She's been writing everything we say off as lies to make herself feel... Shit, I don't even know, so please don't tell her. Let her talk to the therapist here, and try to get better."_

"_You're wrong." Shawn frowned. "None of you know that Carol."_


	14. Where Do I Even Start?

Sophia and Paige were passed out on Paige's bed, the stuffed animals nearly drowning them, and it made Amy smile to see how peaceful they were. She closed the door softly while Carol dried her hands after washing the dishes, and Amy ran her hands through her hair.

"Thank you."

Carol turned. "What for?"

"For the dinner and for trusting me with Sophia. Paige hasn't made any friends until now, and I was worried you wouldn't want her around Sophia. Or me."

"Why wouldn't I?" She crossed her arms.

"Just...rumors...about me." She laced her fingers together. "People can be cruel, and I was worried they might have told you lies about me."

"What happened to you, Amy?" She averted her eyes. "You used to be so outgoing and cheerful. You were so brilliant, and I was so sure you'd open your own dance studio. What changed you?"

Amy shifted her weight, uncomfortable.

"Were you...raped?"

Her head snapped up, her mouth opened, but she couldn't get the words out.

"Is that why you live...here? Why Andrea hasn't heard from you? Why does she worry that you're dead?"

"I told you before." She crossed her arms protectively. "My life's been rough."

"You had Paige when you were sixteen," Carol lowered her voice, "and you knew Merle."

"You knew Merle," she shot back. "Were you raped in a dark alley at night by some drug dealer? Or are you insinuating Merle raped me?"

Carol frowned. She knew Merle wasn't that type of man. He was a drunk, a tweaker, but not a rapist. He dealt with a lot of bad men who probably were, so maybe he accidentally brought them to Amy. She didn't want to assume anything, but she had to know. Amy was like her sister too, even if she didn't know her that well anymore. Amy was always around with Andrea, so Carol grew to love her, became protective of her. She hadn't outgrown that. "You wanted to talk to me," Carol reminded her, "talk."

"About the rape?" Amy asked. "Or something that actually happened?"

"I was raped," Carol told her, and Amy locked eyes with her. "Can it still be considered rape if you're married to the person?" Her eyes burned as she let out a weak laugh.

"Wh... What?" Amy lowered her arms. "Who? Why?"

"I used to ask that, but I never got an answer, so I don't know." She dropped her head. "Ed...was my husband."

"Your husband?" She looked confused. "Your husband raped you? Why would he do that?"

"The same reason he would beat me: power. He craved the power it gave him, or so I think." Amy embraced her tightly, and Carol swallowed hard, not sure if it felt good to tell somebody or if she felt like throwing up. She didn't know how to feel anymore. She felt like a disappointment to her family and like she was a failure of a mother. She didn't know what was true anymore. Ed was so condescending and convinced her she was so many things but worthy. She fought with his words every morning, but every night...she was right back there with him. His scent, his touch surrounded and choked her, and it took everything she had not to scream herself awake. She couldn't let them know. She just couldn't.

Amy held her almost protectively. "I'm here. It's going to be okay." She sobbed, digging her nails into Amy's back. "Shh."

– – –

The sound of arguing and birds woke Carol. She inhaled deeply, the scent of coffee and lavender entering her nose, and she opened her eyes. The room she was in was unfamiliar, but at the sound of giggling, she remembered she stayed with Amy. This was Amy's bedroom.

They'd talked through the night, and Amy didn't want Carol to leave so upset. Carol didn't want to go home so upset, to have them question why. She just wanted them to think her life back there was decent and she came back to be home. Ignorance was bliss in this case, and she would rather die than let them know what truly happened. She couldn't bear to see the same expression Amy had on their faces, and she didn't want them to treat her any differently. Carol knew Amy wouldn't, and perhaps that's why she told her...everything. Amy was the only person Carol was going to tell. Amy, Carol Karen were going to take this secret to the grave.

She smiled as she remember the last before her freshmen year of high school.

– – –

"_Hurry up," Maggie softly told her, adjusting the straps to the backpack as Carol mustered the courage to jump off the roof of Andrea's house. Lori and Andrea were waiting with her. When she finally did jump, Maggie helped her up. "C'mon."_

_They ran down the road and into the woods, all holding hands so they wouldn't lose each anyone. They looked for the spot in the small clearing in the woods just outside Hershel's farm where they were going to do this. They'd been planning this since graduation, and Maggie had helped them plan too. She was year younger than them, but still, she was a good friend._

_Maggie spotted the white bandana Lori had tied to the branch of the tree just before the clearing, and they hurried over to it. Lori and Andrea made a fire while Maggie and Carol handed them the matches._

_Once the fire became to burn brightly—and safely—Lori swiped the bracelets they had made the other day from the bag, Andrea took the goblet and began to fill it with liquid and Carol dug the small cloth pouch out of her pocket and tossed it into the fire, the flames turned a different color momentarily. Maggie played tribal music to make it seem dramatic, and they all tried not to laugh._

"_We've come here tonight to make a pact," Maggie said as they sat in a circle around the fire. "We're going to be—"_

_A twig snapped, and they all turned to find Amy waving nonchalantly by a tree._

"_Amy, what are you doing?" Andrea demanded._

"_I heard you all stomping around, so I followed you." She sat by Lori. "What are you doing?"_

"_A pact," Carol told her. "A **blood** pact."_

"_I think you guys watched The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood too much," Amy commented._

"_Probably," Lori teased. "You wanna go first?"_

"_First?" Amy tilted her head._

_She pulled out a switchblade. "We're all gonna cut our palms, hence the blood part."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because life happens," Andrea replied. "We've been friends for as long as I can remember, these two are like my sisters, so...we're making a pact to continue to be sisters. Once you run off and become a famous dancer forget all about me, I'll need sisterly support."_

_Amy smiled. "I wanna do it too."_

"_Well, here." Lori handed her the extra bracelet. It was one of the prettier ones that Lori was going to keep to herself, but Amy was so adorable and genuine. She was practically one of them anyway, with all the time she spend with them in Andrea's room, talking and laughing._

_Amy slipped it on, giddy._

"_Can we continue or is Beth coming?" Andrea asked._

_Maggie cleared her throat. "This is the last summer we have tonight before you guys go off to high school and probably ignore us because we're grade schoolers."_

"_As it's the first full moon of this month, we here to make a pact under it's illuminating rays," Lori added as she cut her palms. "A pact to always be friends, sisters and hopefully not alcoholics."_

_Amy giggled._

"_As seasons change and people come and go, we make this pact to remember our past promises and to always keep them." Carol winced as she cut her palms. "To always turn to each other in times of need."_

"_Unless it involves money," Maggie took the knife, "then we turn to Andrea and Amy, the wealthy Horvaths, who will look at us if we get arrested for something stupid and tell us how badly we screwed up."_

"_This is how diseases spread," Amy held the knife with fingers, but still did it. "To strength we'll find in each other when we run out of our own?"_

_Andrea smiled and took Amy's hand then Carol's. "Drop the question mark."_

_Amy nodded and took Lori's hand and then they passed around the goblet, each drinking the very potent and sour concoction Andrea had made that gave them all a burst of energy. They all began to dance around the fire, crazy hyper and laughing for no reason. It was later that Andrea confessed to adding a large amount of _Red Bull_ or possibly_ Monster_ to the concoction. It was still one the best summers Carol had had, even though they all got an infection from the dirt that got into their wounds when they fell to the ground when they got dizzy from spinning themselves around and around._

––

"Mommy!" Sophia jumped onto the bed. "Breakfast's ready!"

"All right, I'm up." She followed Sophia into the kitchen and Amy smiled a good morning. "It smells good in here."

"I made eggs, pancakes and bacon." She scraped eggs onto four plates. "I hope you like scrambled, because that's all I can make."

"I do, thank you." She took two of the plates and set them in front of the girls. "Coffee."

Amy set the other two plates down and drank orange juice. "Did you girls sleep well?" They nodded. "Really, 'cause I heard giggling around three this morning."

Carol took her seat as Sophia and Paige now stuffed their faces to not answer, sipping the hot coffee. Carol noticed how similar Sophia and Paige were. They both hadn't had many friends, they both were really sweet and generous, and Sophia was right: they had the same eye color. Paige looked more like Amy than whoever her father was, only her hair was different. It was wavy, like Sophia was after she bathed, and it was nothing like Amy's. Paige had her father's eyes and hair, no doubt.

Amy chewed on a piece of bacon, noting how Carol looked over her daughter. "Did you sleep okay, Carol?"

"Yes." She turned to Amy. "Thank you for talking. I—I really needed it, and I appreciate you..er, listening to me."

"Any time."

They ate breakfast, Carol washed her face in the bathroom while Amy gave Sophia one of Paige's outfits to borrow for school since it was almost time, and Carol gave Sophia a kiss and a hug before Sophia left with Amy and Paige to go to school. Carol left to go home and change. She had business to attend to.

––

Daryl opened the door and found Carol on the other side in jeans and a t-shirt with a bandana in her hair. She still wouldn't meet his eyes, but her smile was warm, so he tried not to let it bother him. He had been working on the basement, a lot of the junk had been tossed a few hours ago, and now he just needed her help cleaning.

"Meaning you want me to clean 'cause you don't want to." She followed him down the stairs.

"Yeah."

"All right. I'll need a broom, a mop and—ahh!" She practically jumped into his arms. "Something brushed the back of my neck!"

"What?" He looked behind her. "There ain't nothing there."

"Was it a spider?" She shuddered. "I don't fear them, but the ones that were down here before could own property."

He chuckled. "Probably just dust."

"I hope so." She wiped the back of her neck and began to blush at how close they were. She jumped back. "So, uhh, mop?"

"Same place as always." He returned to what he was doing before.

Carol didn't have a problem with what happened the other night, but now that they were alone tonight, she did. She had made herself not think about it, but what else was she going to do? Try and make sure every inch of the basement was immaculate? Hell, yes.

Daryl watched Carol while they worked, seeing how focused she was on sweeping and dusting and re-sweeping. She was in her own little world, and he didn't want to bother her by asking why she couldn't look at him and why she kept blushing. He wouldn't let himself even consider the possibility of her feeling anything for him. She was probably nervous about something else. Like slipping that money back into his wallet like he knew she would try to do. He knew Carol better than she thought, and he knew she wouldn't take his money, so he went out and bought her a phone. She couldn't return that as easily, and she needed one, especially if he was going to be babysitting Sophia.

"Hey, Carol." He carried down a plate with sandwiches and chips. "Hungry?"

"Starving." She set the wood polisher down and meet him on the steps where they sat down and ate. She attacked the sandwich, her manners lost from hunger, and Daryl had seen her devour down food faster than this before, so she wasn't embarrassed.

"So," Carol asked when she swallowed, "how does it look?"

"Clean. I can see my reflection in the floor." She laughed. "It's big."

"What are you doing to do with all of this space? Before you sell, I mean."

"Don't know." He turned to her and reached out, wiping something off her cheek with his thumb and licking it off. "Mustard."

She wiped her cheeks. "Thanks."

He chewed his inside of his bottom lip then mustered up his courage. "Is Sophia his?"

She looked at him. "I honestly don't know, Daryl. I know you want to know, and you have a right to know, but..."

"But?"

"If she is your daughter...what does that make us?" She was no longer hungry. "Our marriage was a disaster. I can't bear to hurt you like I did ever again, but Sophia's young, and she won't understand that, so she'll want us to be together. She already wants a sibling. I can't...explain us to her. I can barely explain it to myself. I'm sorry, but if we're going to do a paternity test, it'll be when she's older. When she can understand our relationship. That's all I have to say about it, so don't try to sway me."

He nodded. "Why'd you lie to me?"

"About not being able to have children?" He nodded. "Because I didn't want to try. I couldn't go through that loss again, but when I found out I was pregnant with Sophia, I—God, I was terrified. I worried all the time, and at the hint of anything strange happening, I went to see my doctor. He understood, and I was induced two weeks before her due date in case those last two weeks had anything to do with it."

"Was he there for you?"

"When he could be. My friend Karen was by my side all the way, so I was never alone." She paused and licked her lips. "Sophia Nora Greene."

He met her eyes. "Nora?"

"Nora."

"Why?"

"I didn't pick it; Ed did." She shrugged. "Ironic, huh?"

"Ed, huh?" He exhaled. "Why'd you leave him?"

She tensed.

"Why come back after all this time?"

"Ed...died," she lied. "I wanted Sophia to be around family, so I brought her back here. I should've done it sooner, but... That doesn't matter, I guess. We're here and well."

"Were you not with him?"

"Don't." She stood up and walked by him on the stairs, and he hurried after her. She set the plate on the island."You don't get to ask about Ed. I don't want to talk about him."

"The man supposedly died a couple weeks ago, but I don't see a ring or a tan line. It's been off a long time." He stopped in the living room. "Did he abuse you?"

"What?!" She whirled around, her heart stopping. Did he know?

"Merle suggested—"

"Merle? Merle! Don't listen to Merle! He has nothing to do with us, and you have nothing to do with Ed!"

"If he abused you or that kid that may be mine, I have a right to know!"

"A right? What right? Daryl, we're divorced and just grasping at a friendship! Just because you slept with me doesn't mean you have an all-access pass to my personal life!"

"I don't think I do, I just wanna know this Ed did right by you!"

"He did! We got married, Sophia was taken care of, and he died." It was true. Ed did right by Carol up until Sophia was born then he...changed. He was this person she didn't know. The Ed she knew had died, and left a hollow, abusive shell behind. "Happy?" She put her hands on the island and looked at him. "Daryl, tell me what's on your mind. Let's yell or fight or talk, but let's get it all out, because I can't keep doing these mini-wars whenever we're alone. I just can't!"

He gripped the back of his neck. "How long did it take?"

"How long did what take?" She was confused.

"How long did it take to love Ed?"

"I didn't."

"What?" He lifted his head. "You never loved him?"

"I thought I did, but I was just...vulnerable." She leaned back against the counter. "Ed was just...there when I needed someone, but I never loved him."

He was smiling inside. He felt a lot better knowing she never loved him. He'd come in last place with everyone else, but at least he felt first when it came to the men Carol loved. He still felt a pain inside, but it wasn't as intense.

"What about you? Were you...with anyone else?" He dropped his eyes, and she felt a lump form in her throat. Of course he'd been with other women. He was the best once you got by the rough exterior, and she was glad to know he wasn't always alone. She'd also be happy to know the names of the bitches to attack them for touching her—_No, no, no! Bad thoughts, no your anything_, she scolded herself. _You do not own Daryl._

"They didn't mean nothin'," he told her. Most of them he just woke up next to after getting so damn drunk the previous night. He didn't even know their names or remembered how they met. The only time he did remember any one woman was when she led him into his and Carol's bedroom. He went off and she left, calling him every name in the book and flipping him off. He had to listen to Merle tell him to get the hell over Carol for the hundredth time the next morning.

"They?" Her brows rose. "How many is they?"

He shrugged. "I can barely remember their faces. I was always drunk."

"You don't have any illegitimate children, do you?"

"No."

She nodded and picked at her nails. "Did you ever—?"

"No."

"I didn't even finish asking. How do you know it's a no?" She met his eyes.

"There are only two ends to that question, and both of 'em are no."

_Thank God!_ "Good to know." She shifted her weight. "Is that why you sleep in the guest bedroom?"

"Mostly."

"Have you been in a serious relationship since we broke up?" She had to know. "Did you date at all?"

"No. Shawn tried, but I don't date."

"You weren't waiting for me...were you?" She started blushing out of embarrassment. "Not that I'm worth waiting for or am anything special, of course. I just—I was curious."

"I wasn't waitin' for you. I just... No one else got me like you, and I wasn't about to let someone else try." His eyes were locked on her. "I didn't wanna love nobody else like I loved you."

Past tense. "Daryl." Her eyes burned. She felt like a completely and utter **bitch**. She was the only person he ever opened up to, allowed himself to trust and love. Still, knowing about all of his scars and how many people had left him and her promises not to do the same...she left him. She loved him more than anything, and she abandoned him. "I am _so_ sorry."

"Don't cry." He felt uncomfortable. He hated when she cried, especially now, because he didn't know what to do. Before he would touch her cheek or hair, but now that might make her more upset. What the hell was he supposed to do?

He stopped in front of her and hugged her, she melt against him, her face buried in his chest. He lowered his head onto hers, the scent of her shampoo flooding his senses. It filled him with memories, and that dream came into his head again. It was so real. He dropped his head lower, his stubble brushing her ear, and suddenly, Carol wasn't crying as much anymore. His forehead touched hers, she titled her head back to look at him, and—

The front door flew open, Carol jumped and Daryl let her go as Merle walked in. He didn't look over at them, just plopped onto the couch and opened a beer, turning on the TV.

Carol wiped at her eyes and muttered a goodbye before leaving, and Daryl couldn't get two words out before she was gone. He watched her flee from the house and listened as her car sped off. He swallowed and cleared his throat, wondering what just happened and why he had done that.

"You're a glutton, Darylina," Merle told him. "A damn glutton."

– – –

The next morning, Carol couldn't get what happened on the island and what almost happened yesterday out of her head. She ambled downstairs, passing more of Shawn's boxes and remembering the surprise wedding that was going to take place here in a couple of hours as soon as the movers arrived. She tried focusing on that as she headed down the kitchen, but it didn't last long.

Beth headed out to go to "school"—she was meeting up with Jacqui and Patricia—Hershel was going to store, Shawn was working with Sophia in the barn, and Carol and Maggie were in the kitchen alone. A few biscuits were in a bowl on the island as Carol stirred milk into her coffee, and Maggie poured herself a cup of coffee, exhausted and sore from training with Shane. She needed a massage. The only upside about today was her date later. Thank God Glenn was coming to the wedding.

Carol swallowed hard, lowering her cup. "I had sex with Daryl."

Maggie spat out hot coffee and choked, coughing. She set the cup down, wheezing, and she turned to face Carol, eyes wide. "What?" she managed.

"That was poor timing. I'm so sorry." She grabbed her cup and all but ran to her bedroom.

"You nearly killed me, do you think I'm gonna let you just run?" Maggie was on her heels and slammed her hand against Carol's door when she tried to shut the door on her. "Carol, I just fought a man who's all muscle and almost six feet, I can take you."

She stepped back and sat down on her bed, the cup resting on her ankle. "I want to talk about it, but you're going to judge me."

"It's too late for that." She closed the door and climbed onto the bed in front of her. "What happened?"

"I was painting the living room the other night, trying to get the outline of the stairs done, and Daryl came home. He was complete wasted, and he...pushed me against the wall and..."

"And?" Maggie pressed.

"He...slippedhishandintomypants," Carol quickly mumbled.

"What?"

"Don't make me say it again." Her face was on fire. "Hang on." She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it down, Maggie moved closer as if the words would escape if she didn't, and she took the notepad when Carol held it out.

Her mouth fell open. "Holy shit, Carol."

She drank heavily from her cup, wishing she'd added something more potent than milk.

"Were you safe?" Maggie asked, looking over Carol's face as she all but chugged the coffee. "Carol, you can't get pregnant again. Sophia was luck—"

"I can have children, Maggie. I've always been able to, I just lied so Daryl wouldn't want to try again." She closed her eyes. "Sophia may be his."

"What?!" Maggie shouted.

"Ed and Daryl overlapped, so I don't know which is the father." She opened an eye, but Maggie didn't look at her like she was the biggest slut in the world, so she opened her eyes. "I—I couldn't tell you guys my first night, because...I don't want Sophia to know."

"I'll keep it to myself, but seriously, were you safe?"

"Yeah. I'm on the pill. I take it with my vitamins every morning."

"Are you gonna talk to him about it?"

"Hell no." She set her cup on the table beside her.

"Why not?"

"Maggie, it wasn't just sex. It never was with me and Daryl. It's—complicated. He may think it meant more than it did, because I was sober. It was an accident. I wasn't thinking."

"But you still _were_ sober."

She dropped her eyes. "If I'm being honest, I never got over Daryl."

"You got under him" she muttered.

Carol laughed then glared. "I could've been on top!"

Maggie laughed. "Sure."

"Shut up."

"Are you still in love with him?" Maggie gently inquired.

"I don't know. I love him, I always have, but I don't know if I'm **in** love with him." She shrugged. She didn't want to think about it.

"What's with that look? Did something happen?"

"He was really rough." Carol tapped her fingernail against the cup. "He left a bruise on my arm he was holding me tight."

"He hurt you?"

"It was like he'd taken his anger out on me through sex. I don't know. It was different, but...not a bad different."

"Slut!" Maggie accused.

"This coming from a girl who lost her virginity—"

"Ho, ho, ho!" Maggie cut her off. "We swore to never talk about that."

"And we're swearing to never talk about this."

"Carol—"

"No, Maggie, swear to me. Daryl can never know or anybody else." She searched her eyes. "Our blood pact."

"Damn it, fine. I won't tell a soul."

"Thank you." She hugged her tightly. "I've missed this."

"Me too," she admitted. "Beth only talks about school and babies, but I think if she talked about men and sex, I'd have to go and slaughter them."

"I'll sharpen the ax."

"Mag, Carol!" Beth came barreling into the house. "Shawn left! C'mon, we gotta get to work!"

"Damn, I wanted to have fun today. Oh, well." She grabbed Carol by her wrists and hauled her up. "If I'm in Hell, you're coming with me."

They met Beth at the bottom of the stairs, Tyreese and T-dog were in the middle of rearranging the living room to Beth's desire, Patrica and Otis carried in grocery bags, and they both went to their preassigned areas before Beth saw them standing about and yelled at them to start helping again. It was one of Beth's favoring ways to pass time.

"What am I cooking?" Carol walked into the kitchen.

Patricia spun around and hugged her tightly. "Carol! I heard you were back! It is so good to see you!"

"It's very good to see you." She laughed at how good it was to see her. "I missed you."

She held her in arms length. "You've grown up so much. I can't believe how much you've changed." She smiled at her. "Where is your little girl I've heard so much about?"

"She's probably outside or with Beth. You'll see her soon, I promise."

"I hope so. Now, we have a lot to do, and Glenn's mom won't be here until she finishes the cake." She began to unpack the bags. "So, Shawn and Sasha are expecting?"

"Yes. She's three months along." Carol helped her unpack.

"And this wedding is a surprise?"

"Planned by Beth. She loves a good surprise and also to make people happy."

"She's such a sweet young woman." Patricia took out baking pans. "Shawn's always loved a good surprise too."

_Let's hope so,_ Carol thought to herself.

Patrica and Carol prepared the main course before Patricia went into town to pick up a few more ingredients, leaving Carol to help Beth set up the dining room as Jacqui hadn't returned from picking up a dress just yet.

"Holy shit." Carol barely recognized the dining room. The table had been draped in a white tablecloth to cover the many marks that had been worn into the table over the years that only they could see and in the center of the table was a basket of lilies with a few gear tealight candles in a creative design around dandelion dinnerware that their best silver along side them. It was really beautiful, especially would be when the candles were lit. Beth had such a good eye for what people would like and what looked best, and she was generous enough to do it all herself.

"What?" Beth crossed champagne flutes off a checklist.

"It looks really beautiful. You've outdone yourself."

"Thank you." She blushed a little. "I just wanted to give them a good wedding since they don't have any say."

She laughed. "That's a good reason."

"Are you here to help?" Beth asked. "I saw Patricia leave to go and check on Yumi."

"She makes the best cakes, so please stop me when I try and attack it halfway through the ceremony."

She giggled. "That would make this even more memorable, and you could use the weight."

"My mouth's already watering. Let's not talk about Yumi's cooking. Who's performing the ceremony?"

"Father Gabriel. He'll be here in an hour or two." She checked her watch. "I need to check on Sophia and see if she needs help with the flowers. Umm, could you bring my stereo down and Shawn's CD collection? The one he has hidden underneath his bed. It hasn't been moved just yet."

"Do I want to know how you know its hidden under his bed?"

"Who else cleans around here? Without me, they'd been covered in dirt and eating tree bark within a month."

Carol smiled. "Good point." She headed upstairs and to Shawn's room to get the CDs first. She felt a chill run through her spine at how bare his room was. All of the boxes had been moved onto the truck, all of the dressers and the bookshelf as well, but his camera equipment was in his car so he didn't have to kill someone from breaking a lens. If he puts his kid in the same category as his cameras, that kid will never leave the house.

She grabbed his collection and left, running into Daryl. "What are you doing here?"

"Beth called, asked me to come and help. I don't got plans." He shrugged. "Besides Yumi's bringin' cake. Why would I miss that?"

"Well, Beth wanted me to get her stereo. Mind giving me a hand?"

"Beats movin' chairs from the shed." He glanced down the hall. "Where's her room?"

"Down here." She walked ahead of him, thinking of his comment of the shed. If Dad ever knew what happened in the shed... Yeah, Daryl's decomposing body would have given them great crops. There was only one time when nothing happened...

– – –

"_Thanks, Carol, I appreciate the help," Shawn called after her sarcastically. "Don't let the mosquitoes bite!" _

"_It's not my fault!" She retorted. "You're the pig!"_

_He flipped her off before getting back to work. _

_She groaned and headed as far away from him as possible. She was so sick of him and his stupid inability to take responsible for his actions. It wasn't her fault or Maggie's or Beth's. It was his fault. The sooner he realized it, the better. She was already feeling crummy, because she didn't have his back. That's what pissed him off the most, she knew, but there was nothing she could say that would make Mom or Dad less disappointed and angry with him._

_She wanted to chop a piece of wood that was in the shape of his head! Ugh!_

_She sighed and crossed her arms, stopping just beside the barn. She just wanted to take a walk and clear her mind, but she was too pissed off. She wanted to tell Shawn off, but he was already annoyed and pissed off himself. They just needed to avoid each other until the guilt of what they said ate them into apologizing. That's how it went._

_She walked toward the duck pond but someone grabbed her, and she nearly shrieked. The only thing that stopped her was the scent of rich earth and leather. It was Daryl. He liked to sulk around now that he was staying with them. She hadn't seen much of him since her birthday party, but it was mostly because of Shawn and her and her parents and all of the fighting._

"_Didn't mean to scare you."_

"_You surprised me. What are you doing here?"_

"_I kinda live here."_

"_Smartass. I meant out here. I thought you were inside asleep. It's early, barely seven."_

"_Hershel woke me up. He wanted me to chop some wood, so I did."_

"_How kind of you."_

"_I don't take handouts. I'll work to stay." _

_She smiled then leaned up and kissed him, cupping a hand to the back of his neck, pushing up on the tips of her toes. "How did you sleep?" She searched his eyes. "After—"_

"_I sleep fine."_

"_I just wanted to make sure. I would have nightmares if my father ever..."_

"_I don't wanna talk about that."_

"_Why do I get the feeling you don't want to talk at all?"_

_He grasped her neck and brought her face up to his, kissing her. He knew Hershel had rules since he was so kind enough to repeat them every single morning Daryl woke up, and he knew Hershel would castrate him if he knew that Carol wasn't a virgin. He would probably shoot him for just kissing her._

"_C'mere." He pulled her out of sight behind the shed, opening the door and pulling her inside._

_The shed was dark and it smelled of wood and hay, but it was the only place no one was or ever really went to. The only light they had was a flashlight and battery-operated lantern on the shelf right by the door. _

_In the darkness, they fumbled into a wall, but there was a built-in shelf that had nothing on it. He fell down onto it, pulling her onto his lap and resting his hands on her hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, slipping her fingers into his hair. She'd wished they could be alone more often, but with graduation coming up and finishing up the last of applications she had, she didn't have time. Both of her parents didn't want Daryl and her to be alone in a room, and if they were they had to leave the door open. Often Hershel or Shawn would walk in and make sure they weren't doing it, asking if they wanted a snack or drink, but they knew better._

_Breathless, she pulled back and looked over what little of his face she could see with the light that streamed. "Why are you looking at me like that?"_

"_Graduation's in less than a week." He met her eyes. "Then we got...what? Two, three months?"_

"_I know." She exhaled slowly. "I can't imagine school without you, no matter how hard I try." _

"_You're gonna go. I ain't gonna let you stay, not for me."_

"_I know." She lifted her head. "I just want to make the most of our time together, so after graduation meet me at the dock. Mom's having a party, so we'll have to stay, eat some cupcakes, open some cards, take some pictures and then go to the dock. I'll meet you down there."_

"_All right, but if we get caught—"_

"_Don't jinx it." She rested her forehead on his before leaning in and kissing him. "We need to get out of here. If Daddy sent you, he'll probably come and check on you with something to drink." She walked over to the door. "But if you wanna screw around after, you know where to find me."_

"_Pfft."_

_She giggled. "I'll see you at lunch." She walked out of the shed in a better mood and she saw Shawn working alone in the field. She jogged over and decided to help him, not caring that he wasn't supposed to have help._

"_Dad's gonna kill you."_

_She shrugged._

"_You may like them, but you're not a cat, certainly aren't sneaky."_

"_Who knows? Maybe I have the nine lives instead."_

_He snorted. "Yeah, sure."_

– – –

"Here you go." Carol handed Beth the CDs. "Anything else I can do?"

"Help me cook."

Carol spun around. "Mom!" She smiled widely. "What are you doing here?"

"Do you think I would miss my own son's wedding?" She hugged Carol and Beth. "Patricia and Carol and I will finish dinner, so go and help your father with the lawn. It's a train wreck."

"Thanks, Mom." Beth kissed her cheek then smiled at Patricia before jogging out to help Hershel.

"Well, well, well," Annette said to Daryl. "Daryl Dixon."

"Mrs. Greene." He ducked his head, unable to meet her eyes.

"Mrs. Greene? I don't have Alzheimer's, so I know I told you to call me Annette. Heck, call me Anne or Annie." She hugged him, and Carol was surprised when he didn't resist. "It's good to see you again."

"Same to you." He glanced at Carol. "I'm gonna go help Hershel and T."

Annette put her arm through Carol's and led her to the kitchen. "Yumi's making the cake?"

"Yes."

"Good. It'll probably kill me, but I'll die happy."

Carol wanted to laugh, but the thought of her mom dying made her want to be sick. She never wanted to think of that. It made her heart stop and tighten.

"All right. We need to make two more meals since I invited two more guests." Annette pulled out the extras. "Patrica?"

"Yeah?" She was in the doorway.

"Go help Jacqui with the dress. Carol and I will finish up in here, and if we need help, I'll get Beth."

She frowned a little, but nodded and went to help Jacqui.

"Quality mother-daughter time?" Carol teased, leaning against the island.

"Yes." Annette smiled sweetly. "Were you planing on telling you had sex with Daryl or letting me guess?" Her face burned and she stammered, more confused than nervous, and Annette laughed. "Oh, pretty girl, I know you better than you think. You can't fool me, though obviously you've fooled that boy."

"Um... Uh, wh—what?" She shook her head, trying to get over the embarrassment and the confusion. "Why—why do you think that Daryl and I—that we... What?"

"I have bad blood pressure, not bad vision. Besides, it doesn't take an idiot to know something went on between you and Daryl."

"Nothing happened. Let's just drop it, all right?" She tucked hair behind her ears. "So, who's are our two new guests?"

"Dale and Andrea." She handed Carol a potato peeler. "I couldn't find Amy. I really wanted to see her again."

"Amy?" She set the peeler down. "I could give her a call." Though she probably wouldn't come if she knew Andrea was coming.

"Really?" She looked really happy. "I would love that."

"I didn't know you cared for Amy so much." Carol grabbed the phone. "I'll be right back."

"Take your time."

She went into the living room to call Amy, but she didn't have to wait long. Amy answered on the first ring. "Hey, Amy, it's me."

"Hey, Carol, what can I do for you?"

"Do you want to come to a small wedding?"

"Oh, I love weddings! Who's getting married?"

"Sasha and Shawn."

"That's so sweet. I'd love to come. When is it?"

"In a few hours."

"Oh, that's really short notice."

"It's just my family and hers. Just wear something nice, and you'll get cake and a free meal. Sophia would love to have Paige over. No one else here is her age."

"I can bring a gift. There's an old gravy boat that I have no purpose for. It was an impulse buy a long time ago. I'd love for someone to actually use it."

"Great! Just come on over now, if you want. Or at any time before seven."

"I'll come at five."

"That's really great. I'll see you at five."

"Bye."

She hung up and returned to the kitchen. "Amy's coming. She's bringing Paige too."

"Paige?" Annette paused. "Is Amy... Is she gay?"

Carol blinked. "N—no, no, no, no. Paige is Amy's daughter."

"Amy has a daughter?" Annette gaped. "Oh, my gosh. How long have I been in the hospital? How old is Paige? Did Amy get married? Why didn't Dale tell me?"

"Amy isn't married, and Paige is almost five."

"I see." She bit her bottom lip. "Well, I'm sure she's beautiful."

"She is. She looks just like Amy, but she has her father's hair."

"Oh? And who's her father?"

"I don't know, but they're not together. Amy and I both agree no father is needed to raise our daughters."

"Then why sleep with Daryl? Why would you do that to him?"

She frowned. "What?"

"After all that happened between you... are you trying to hurt him? Or do you still feel—?"

"I have to help my daughter with the flowers." She turned on her heel and left the room. She found Sophia around back with Hershel, Daryl, T and Tyreese. They were working on an arch that Carol had seen Hershel and Annette get married under as well as herself and Daryl, and Sophia was with Beth, taping flowers over rusty spots on the chairs.

"Hey, baby." She lowered herself down beside them. "Beth."

"Hey." She smiled, smoothing tape over the stem of the lily. "Well, that's the last one."

"What now?" Sophia asked.

"I have to get the music arranged inside and out. Daryl's lending me a hand, so I don't have anything for you, Carol."

"That's fine. Sophia and I will find something to do." She took Sophia's hands and helped her up. "If you need me, just shout."

She nodded, wiping grass off her jeans and picking up the basket before calling to Daryl for help.

They all had jobs to do before Shawn and Sasha, but the only thing that would take time was the food. The arch was set up perfectly, the chairs were decent and Beth and Daryl had gotten the sound to play outside. The living room was transformed into dance floor with vases of fresh flowers on every table, and there was even a place for pictures. The dining room was picture perfect—which made her wonder who the hell was going to take pictures since it was Shawn getting married—and everything was more or less ready by the time the cake and guests arrived.

Carol used a bobby pin to get her bangs out of her eyes, and she saw Amy in her mirror. "Amy." She smiled and turned around. "You look great."

"Thanks. So do you."

Carol had to change her dress from red to brown, because she didn't own anything red and nothing of Beth or Maggie's fit her. They were either too big or too short. "Thanks. Where's Paige?"

"Downstairs with Sophia." Amy looked self-conscious. "So, who's all coming? I saw Yumi and Glenn in the kitchen."

"Well...Mom may have invited some other people, but I can't say." Really, she couldn't bring herself to say Dale and Andrea were on their way.

"The house looks amazing," Amy said as they went downstairs. "Beth did an amazing job."

"Thanks!" Beth smiled. "We all pitched in though."

"Don't be so modest." Maggie nudged her with her elbow. "You made this happen."

"Now let's hope Shawn doesn't hate this." Beth felt nervous.

"Amy."

Amy froze as her eyes landed on Andrea. "A—Andrea?"

Andrea smiled widely and hugged her. "I'm so glad to see you."

Maggie, Beth and Carol went to keep watch for Shawn and Sasha, letting them be.

"How are you?" Andrea looked her over.

"I'm okay." Amy saw Dale behind her. "And you? How are you?"

"I missed you. I—I worried about you. What the hell happened, Amy? You just disappeared. Why?"

"Shawn and Sasha are coming any minute now. I have to go and find my seat." She hurried to leave the house, finding Sophia and Paige with Tyreese. She didn't want Andrea or Dale to know about her, but they would if she stayed. She had to leave on the ceremony was over. Carol had to understand... Did she have to keep running? Yes, she knew had to.

"Hey, Amy." Ty smiled.

"Hey." She returned it. "How are things?"

"All right. And you? You look nervous."

"Oh? I guess. I'm really happy for Shawn and your sister."

"Me too. I just hope this wasn't all for nothing."

"Why do you say that?" Carol joined them. "The whole surprise thing? It does make my stomach knot. They might hate it."

"It's not that. It's the reason why they didn't get married before."

"What reason?" Carol frowned.

"They're here!" Beth called to them then went to the front door to greet them.

"What the hell?" Shawn felt as if he shouldn't open the door.

"What?" Sasha looked his face over.

"I have a bad feeling about this." He narrowed his eyes at the closed door. "I smell cake too." He opened the front door and Beth smiled on the other side. "Did you kill the family, Bethy?"

"Come inside."

Shawn stepped inside. "Yumi baked cake. I can smell it." He turned to Beth. "Yumi only makes personal wedding cakes. You planned a surprise wedding, didn't you?"

"Damn, you're good."

"And yes, we did." Jacqui came down the stairs.

"Oh, my God. Are you serious?" Sasha looked from her mom to Beth and back again. "A wedding?"

"Yes."

"You know, I never said this enough," Shawn told Beth, "but I love when choices are taken from me. I really do."

"And I love how you avoid the main point." Annette smirked.

"Mom!" He smiled. "You're out of the hospital! This is great! How are you feeling?"

"I'd feel better if I knew my grandchild was going to be a Greene or a Douglas."

"A Greene," Sasha replied, "without a doubt."

"Well, you all know who wears the pants in our relationship." Shawn shook his head. "Can I at least propose to my girlfriend? Or are you going to do that for me as well?"

"Come upstairs when you're done," Jacqui said. "Oh, and Hershel wants to see you in his room, Shawn."

"C'mon, Beth." Annette took her hand and led her out the back door.

"Are you angry?" Sasha turned to him.

"Amused actually." He reached into his pocket and showed her black velvet box. "I was going to propose tonight at dinner."

She slowly smiled. "How romantic, especially for you. I was half-expecting a piece of paper with marry me written in Crayon."

"Damn, I have the paper in my pocket. I was gonna pass it to you at dinner."

She laughed. "Of course."

Where could he even start to explain how he felt about her? He pulled the ring out of the box. "I don't know what words I should use to express how I feel about you, and I'm not good with words as you know, so all I have to say is this: I've had you as my best friend, my lover, my fiancée, and now I want you as my wife. Will you marry me, Sasha Alexandria Douglas?"

"I will."

He slipped the ring onto her finger and kissed her. "C'mon." He led her upstairs, stopping by the door where Jacqui leaned in the doorway. "I'll marry you soon, beautiful."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled and went into the room with her mom, looking at Shawn until the door was shut.

Shawn smiled to himself. Damn, he was a lucky man, with a family that needed to be committed.

––

The ceremony was beautiful, the vows were beautiful, and it was all so sweet. Carol had to take the pictures since Beth and Annette were crying, and Maggie didn't want to, and it was just the best solution. Carol enjoyed it, and she was happy for her brother, but throughout the ceremony, her eyes kept drifting over to where Daryl sat in the back row. She had kept telling herself not to think about what happened and what it meant to her, but with all of the sweet words mentioned and the arch and the tears, it brought up so many memories. Carol wasn't sure how she felt, but she needed to talk to him. Tomorrow, she'd have to talk to him.

They were all scattered around the house, Shawn took his camera back and gave his sisters an appreciative hug, squeezing Beth so tight that she started turning blue. It was great. They were all a huge family now, and Carol had decided then and there her past was just that. She had a future before her, and it was bright.

"Smile, kid." Shawn put the camera in Carol's face.

"Hold on." She picked Sophia up. "All right."

He took a picture of the two of them then the tree of them. "Perfect. I just need a few dozen more."

"Likely." She was smiling though. "My big brother's married. I'm impressed." He snickered. "I'm proud for you and so, so happy for you."

"Thanks, kid." He smiled. "I have two beautiful little girls to take pictures of by munchkin's demand, so release this one, and I'll be on my way."

She set Sophia down and saw her mom and dad sitting in the chairs in the living room. She needed to talk to her mom once the party was over and before she went back to the hospital. She needed to or she'd feel like crap, but she would wait, because she wanted them to have time together, like old times.

"Hey."

She turned to face him. "Hey, Daryl."

"Here." He held out a champagne flute.

"Oh, I don't drink."

"It's sparkling cider."

"Oh, then thank you." She took the glass. "I hear you were supposed to be his best man. What happened?"

"I don't own a suit."

"You should've asked Daddy for one. He would've given you one of his."

He shrugged.

"Are you staying long?"

"Probably not."

"You can't leave until they cut the cake. Yumi's cakes are the best."

"Guess I'll stay till then."

She smiled. "I have to go help Beth with the dances, but I want to talk to you. Are you free tomorrow?"

"No."

"How about Sunday?"

"T don't let us work on Sunday, so yeah. Uh, I gotta do some things, but come by 'round five or six."

"I will."

"Carol." Beth grasped her elbow. "I'm sorry to tear her away, but I need her."

Daryl gave a nod before she pulled Carol away, and Daryl watched them, hidden in the background as he preferred. They were all so happy, laughing, and even the ones who had tension between them looked happy. He was glad to see this, especially from Carol and Sophia. He'd seen this family through a lot, and today was a good day. He'd gotten to see part of Carol that he feared was gone, but there she was. Beautiful, smiling, contented.

He averted his eyes and sighed. What the hell were they? And why did he feel this way? He hated feeling this way, and the only person who ever noticed was the cause of it.

– – –

"All right, all right." Carol held a hand up to stop Paige and Sophia. "Stop. I'm picking the music."

Amy pulled her hair into a high ponytail. "I'm ready to paint."

"Good. I have to repaint this entire room, because of Merle."

"That's a weird name," Paige commented. "Merle? Who names their kid Merle?"

"Don't be rude, Paige. It's...a name." Amy crossed her arms. "So, who are we listening to?"

"Ever since the wedding, I want to hear _Journey_ and _Hall and Oates_."

"I know what we're listening to." She took over and flipped through the alphabetized list.

"Where's Daryl?" Sophia asked her mom.

"At work." She picked up a paint brush. "You'll see him Monday."

She sighed deeply.

"I know he's your friend, but he's not the same age as you, honey. He has to work."

"And you have me," Paige added.

"Yeah," she slowly smiled, "I do."

Amy smiled as _Out Of Touch_ by Hall and Oates played. "Okay, let's get painting."

– – –

"Nothing?" Ed repeated. "Nothing? How the fuck do you have nothing?"

"Well, see I have nothing, because the woman you married doesn't exist. Whoever or whatever she ran from was enough to make her change her name." Phillip ran a hand through his hair. "Karen didn't know anything, but she really hates you."

Ed glared. "Because I didn't fucking know that before."

"We'll have to be patient. She'll slip up sooner or late. She may have gone to college, but that doesn't make her smart. She doesn't have anybody. She'll screw up, we'll find her, and then we'll deal with her."

He exhaled deeply. "How did this bitch even get away?"

"A crystal unicorn you gave to your daughter." He smirked.

"Don't push me. I'm in no mood." He sat down. "I've gone through everything she left, and there's nothing. She has no pictures or postcards or mail from before. She only has the shit I gave her."

"Well, Ed, I can't keep helping you. I've got a job to do, a child I need to take care of. I'll try to find out what I can, but I have a homicide case I need to give all my attention or the captain's gonna throw me out on my ass. I'm under a lot of pressure too." He leaned back in his chair. "Karen's going to Georgia next week with Milton, so I'll take Elizabeth into going with them."

He nodded.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"No, I have plans."

"Suit yourself." He took a drink from his glass as Ed rose to leave. "Why her?"

"What?" He stopped in the doorway.

"Why Carol of all the woman you could've gotten?" He looked at Ed. "You were a junior in college, and all of those girls... You never took an interest in bookworms until that ginger. Why?"

"Love?"

Phillip laughed deeply.

"I don't know. There's something about a broken woman that I guess I can't resist."

"A broken woman who gave birth to a weak child," Phillip retorted. "You should just let this go, Ed. You can have another wife, certainly another child. I've told you this again and again. Why waste your time with this woman?"

"She kidnapped my kid!"

"Kidnapping is when someone who isn't the mother takes the child. When the mother takes the child, it's called parenting." He stood up. "Jesus, Ed, I thought you were smarter than this. She's not going to come back and demand money or press charges or any-fucking-thing like that, so leave this be."

Ed snarled, "No! I will not let her run off my child! I won't let any man desperate enough to be with her raise _my_ daughter, and I'm sure as hell not going to let her walk away after she bashed that fucking crystal into my head! She's going to pay for what she's done, I promise you that."

Phillip groaned. "Fine. I'll call some people I used to know. I had a friend down in Georgia, Shane. I'll call him and see if he can help. He's good at finding people who don't wanna be found."

"Good."

"Daddy?" Penny stood in the doorway.

"Penny." He walked around his desk and by Ed. "Baby, what is it?"

"I heard yelling. I was worried." She looked from Ed to her dad. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, it is, baby. C'mon." He picked her up. "Let's get you back to bed.

"Hey, Uncle Eddie." She smiled at him.

"Hey, Penny." He returned it. "It's good to see you, honey. Are you all right?"

"Mm-hmm." She yawned into her hand. "Well, good night, Uncle."

"Good night, honey."

Phillip carried Penny upstairs to her bedroom, hearing Ed leave his house, and he exhaled soundlessly. He set her down. "Do you want me to tell you a story?"

She nodded.

"Once upon a time," he began, telling her favorite bedtime story that he had read to her so many times he knew them by heart. He kissed her forehead when she fell asleep halfway through tale. He tucked her in and left her room, closing the door softly behind him, the pony nightlight shining dimly in the room.

"Ed was yelling." Elizabeth was in her nightgown down the hall.

"It's about Carol and Sophia."

"Yes, I know." She crossed her arms. "That man who was shot in the hotel room... He died today. I was working my shift, and he died." She shuddered. "I can still feel his hand on mine, Phillip."

He tried to hug her, but her eyes stopped him.

"I don't know what you and Ed are always arguing about, and I don't care to know, but if this comes back to haunt us...you need to stop right now." She closed the space between them. "You're a good man, a good father, but lately...when I look at you, I don't know who I'm looking at. Neither does Penny."

He frowned.

"I love Ed. I do, but **his** marriage is _his_ problem."

"I know, but—"

"Blood is blood, I understand." She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I love you, Phillip, but sooner or later you're going to have to make a choice."

He swallowed hard as she turned and walked away, his fists tightening. Goddamn it!

––

A file slammed down on Phillip's desk, and he jumped, lifting his eyes to his partner, Caesar Martinez, who gave an apologetic laugh. "Sorry, didn't mean to spoke you." He tapped the file with his pencil. "We've got a stiff one."

He nodded. "Lemme get some coffee."

"Get the hole damn pot, vato, you look beat. Long night?"

"Yes." He ran his hand across down jaw.

Cesar tucked the pencil behind his ear. "We'll catch this bastard. We always do."

He glanced at the picture of Carol, Elizabeth, Sophia and Penny. It was taken just after the girls were born, before Ed started being an asshole. He looked at Carol holding Sophia and his wife holding Penny, thinking of his wife's words. He would have to make a choice soon, but who he was going to choose, he didn't know yet.


	15. This Is How A Heart Breaks

Carol wanted to talk to Daryl, but he was working, so she decided to have a quick visit yesterday, bring him lunch. She had to visit Shawn anyway, it was practically no where on the way. She just wanted to see him. Sophia wasn't the only one who had missed him when they were painting. Daryl was a good friend, and she wanted him to know that. She wanted to rebuild trust. She'd decimated it the last time, and all she could hope to do was prove him that she was trustworthy. It hadn't gone as well as she hoped, and she didn't even talk to Daryl. She just saw him from a distance... Ugh, this was going to bother her.

She headed inside his house and was glad to see the kitchen and living room were still spotless and painted. If Merle ever did whatever the hell he did to them again, she was going to kill him. She wasn't doing this for fun. She wanted this to be a home; not a massive trashcan.

Daryl came down the stairs. "Hey, could you gimme a hand?"

"Sure. With what?" She set her purse on the couch and followed him to his bedroom.

"I needa fix up this room."

"Oh?" She smirked. "Expecting company up here?"

"Yeah." He handed her a flashlight. "The guy that's gonna inspect this place, people lookin' to buy and the realtor."

She took the flashlight. "And your girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" He frowned. "What girlfriend?"

"You know, that woman who kissed you at the shop." She met his eyes. "The pretty blonde."

"You saw that?" He looked uncomfortable.

"From a distance. I was talking to T, giving him lunch actually. I guess since we're family and all, even more so now that Shawn married Sasha. Do you think I can get a discount on repairs? That would be really great." She turned the flashlight on. "You're adding shelves in the closet?"

"Replacing the old ones." His eyes were locked on her face. "You don't mind?"

"No, I just wish you would've done this before. The wobbly always drove me insane." She stepped into the closet. "While you're at it, add a light in here. It'll come in handy."

"I'm gonna, but I meant me and the woman."

"Why should I mind? Well, just as long as you two aren't having sex when I'm working. Sophia's here a lot, so try to go over to her place." She shrugged a shoulder. "I have a date myself."

A muscle in his jaw tightened, but he kept his voice normal. "Who with?"

"Tyreese. After I left the shop, I ran into him, and he asked me to dinner." She glanced at him. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"Why would it?" He grabbed the a piece of wood and made sure it was lined up correctly.

"Good. We're going out tomorrow, so I won't be here past six."

"Where y'all goin'?"

"I don't know. It's a surprise." She smiled a little. "I'm excited about it. I haven't date in years."

"Tsk, you like datin'?"

"I love it, and so does Beth. She's so glad I have a date." She pointed to the plank. "Do you want me to hold it?"

"Yeah."

They worked in silence, Carol knew he didn't like her dating, and she didn't like him dating either. It was so strange to see him with someone else. She knew it was because of their marriage. They'd been friends for so long and when they started dating, it was just right. She'd always been with only Daryl. He was her first everything, and as rational as she was, she just knew he would be her last everything, but she was wrong. Seeing him with someone else hurt, because of that little girl inside of her who still clung to that idea—it was the same little girl that kept hoping her father would walk through the front door, alive and glad to see them, years after he died. She also knew it was partly because of how when he wanted someone, he sought her. It was probably just convenience, though. He wanted someone, and he knew she would be here painting, so he didn't have to go far. That night didn't mean anything to either of them, so she just needed to forget it. If she told herself that enough, eventually she would believe it and hopefully forget it.

Daryl was pissed. He wasn't pissed at the shelves that weren't straight, but at the fact that Carol had seen that woman—whose name he didn't know—kiss him, and at the thought of Carol dating Tyreese Douglas. He knew Ty, and Ty was the best, just like his father. He could make Carol really happy, and it made his heart just...sink to think just how happy he would make her. Ty was easy, uncomplicated, funny, loving, and after everything that happened between him and Carol, she deserved that. He wasn't going to stop her. He had no right too. They weren't even friends just yet, although Carol was trying. It was going to be a slow process, but it wasn't going to happen if Carol was with Tyreese. Daryl would do something stupid and she would hate him for it. He would rather have her as a friendly person than someone who hated him, and he wasn't entirely sure if that was so he could get her to test Sophia to see if she was his child. He doubted Carol would ever do that anyway, no matter what she said to him. Sophia was her daughter, and he was all right with that, just as long as no one else was her father.

"That oughta do." He removed his gloves. "Work on installin' a light tomorrow maybe, if I got any time."

"Don't strain yourself." She sat on his bed. "We'll work on the light Tuesday. I'll have Amy pick up Sophia or maybe Mag. I'm not quite sure just yet."

He gave a nod.

"This room isn't so bad." She leaned back. "Maybe a different color for the walls, new curtains and some decent pillows."

"You ain't messin' with my room. I'm just addin' shelves, and that's it."

"Yes, sir." She pushed herself up onto her elbow. "This bed is God awful, Daryl. I'm actually stuck. Do you never sleep anywhere else?"

"The couch."

"That's not what I meant. Your body has left a permanent impression on this bed." She pushed herself up. "You need a new mattress. That's what we're doing next since you won't let me do anything else in this room."

"Fine. Whatever."

She smiled. "With new sheets and blankets."

"I ain't made of gold, woman."

"I'll pay for them then." She climbed off the bed. "It's not like we can do much with the other rooms. All I have to do in the bathroom is clean and repaint, so I'll do that after the light in the closet is installed and after we get you a new mattress."

"Sure."

"Oh, and I have someone coming out in two weeks, so I'll need you to make yourself scarce. It's going to be a surprise." She smiled a little. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Carol, wait."

"Yeah?" She turned to face him.

"I can't do this."

"Do what?" Her heart skipped a beat. "Oh, do you mean the house? I know it's hard, but we can't live in the past forever. It'll only drown us. It'll be better once it's done, I promise. We aren't destroying Ethan, just...making peace with what happened and accepting change."

"No, not the damn house. I meant—" He looked into her eyes. "—Sophia."

She was quiet.

"I have to know. I know you don't want her to know, and she don't have to. We'll tell her the test is for something else, like a genetic disease. I can't have her in my life and not know. I thought I could, but I can't. Whether or not I'm her dad, I want her in my life. She's a special kid, and I wanna there for her...for you."

She lifted her eyes to his.

"I just gotta know, Carol. I have a right. After what you did—"

"Fine. On Thursday, we'll go and see Caleb."

"What?"

"I have to know too." She crossed her arms. "Thursday." Oh, God, what just came out of her mouth? Did she just accept? The room's spinning now...

He nodded as she turned and left. Holy shit. She actually agreed. He thought he was going to have to argue with her and fight tooth and nail, but she agreed. That was easier than he expected. He should've just came right out and told her that before he went and fell... It would've happened either way. She was the only one that ever mattered, who would ever matter, and if Sophia was his, he wasn't going to stand in the shadows and let someone else raise her. He may not be the most ideal father, but he intended to be a good father. Part of him knew that Sophia was his, but he wasn't going to let that part consume him just in case. He wasn't going to be arrogant. When he got arrogant, he was typically wrong or shit hit the fan. No, he was going to wait and see what happened...

Thursday. He made a mental note then one on his phone. That day may change his life forever. Whether or not Sophia was his daughter, the results would mean a lot, probably for the both of them.

_Pop? Papa? Old man?_ Tsk, he still hated those names, but he didn't mind Dad.

––

"Oh, my God, Beth." Maggie was stunned. "What did you do?"

"Something that spent two hours of my life that I'll never get back and am damn proud of that." She beamed.

"Can I please look at myself?" Carol asked for the hundredth time.

"Yes." Beth hopped up and turned her around to see the full-length mirror behind her. "What do you think?"

"Holy shit." Carol stared at herself. She looked...beautiful. Beth managed to do something really pretty with her hair that accentuated her face, and surprisingly the makeup didn't make her look like a streetwalker like the last time Beth did her makeup. Her eyes were so blue, and she never noticed how pretty she was. Her mother told her, her father and dad told her, her aunt and uncle told her, but she never believed them. And after Ed... But she looked really good, and the dress Beth let her borrow was beautiful.

"Hey, Glenn's downstairs, let's go see how he responds." Beth took her hand and led her out of the room.

"Sure, I don't mind. In fact, I _want_ my boyfriend to find my sister attractive." Maggie glared after Beth.

"Hey, Glenn, I need a favor."

"Yeah. What do you need?" He walked out of the living room and his jaw actually _dropped._ "Wow, Carol, you look...amazing."

Beth was grinning.

"Glenn, close your mouth before someone trips on it." Patricia looked Carol over. "Oh. You look beautiful, honey."

"Thank you both. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to throw up." Beth and Maggie stopped her from running up the stairs, and she sighed. "Why can't one of you go instead?"

"Because I have a boyfriend." Maggie crossed her arms. "And Beth's after that cute doctor."

"I am not." She rolled her eyes, but she had a blush on her cheeks. "Just try to have fun, okay?"

"Sure, fun. What are we going to talk about? My two failed marriages? The fact that I still live with my sisters in the house I grew up in?" She felt sick.

"It's Tyreese," Maggie reminded. "You're friends. Just think of it as hanging out, only he pays."

"Carol's date's here. Somebody go tell her. Hi." Shawn walked in then did a double take. "What the hell did you do to my sister? I didn't even recognize her."

"No cussin' in the house," Patricia told him.

"Shawn, you lost your contacts last night," Maggie retorted.

"Yes, but normally I can see the blur of red and blue. Now it's all blue and brown and spring-y."

"Did you drive here?" Patricia was frowning.

"No, Ty gave me a ride. I have an extra set of contacts in my bathroom. It's in one of those boxes." He felt for the railing then paused. "Could someone help me? I'm blind as a bat without my contacts."

"Drama queen." Maggie took his arm. "You can see well enough."

"Maybe I just enjoy the company."

"Oh, here he comes!" Beth grabbed her jacket and handed it to her. "Breathe, Carol, you look fantastic."

She swallowed and nodded, lifting her eyes as he entered. "Hey, Tyreese." She smiled.

He looked her over for so long she began to blush and Glenn had to led Beth out of the room before she exploded into a million happy pieces. She was _way_ too proud of how Carol looked, and he sensed she had alternate plan. "Hey." He returned her smile. "You look gorgeous."

"Thanks." She felt a little better, though her stomach was tied up knots. "You look handsome yourself."

"Thanks. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"What, you aren't going to say good bye?" Sophia grumbled, walking in from the living room.

Carol sighed mentally. Sophia hated the idea of her going out with anyone who wasn't Daryl. Sophia had been a brat all day because of it, and she'd even slept in Shawn's room to avoid Carol. She knew Sophia liked Ty, because she spent a lot of time with him at the wedding. She just hated the idea of her dating anyone... who wasn't Daryl.

She bent down and kissed her forehead. "I'll be home late, so be good for Patricia, okay?"

"How late?" Sophia demanded.

"Past your bedtime," was all she said. "We'll talk in the morning, all right?"

She nodded.

"I love you."

"Love you," Sophia mumbled.

She gave her a hug and stood up. "Thank you for coming over to watch her."

Patricia smiled. "I wouldn't pass up the chance. Have fun and don't worry about us. Once Maggie and Glenn leave for their date, we'll watch a movie then it's off to bed."

She nodded and left with Tyreese.

"I hate him," Sophia told Patricia, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And why do you hate him?"

"Because he—"

"Ahh!" Beth screamed at the top of her lungs and she barreled down the stairs. "Oh, my gosh."

"What?" Patricia asked, worried.

"N—nothin'. I just—opened the wrong door." She gripped the banister. "I—I'm gonna go sit down."

Sophia frowned and went after her aunt. "Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh." She smiled at Sophia. "C'mere." Sophia sat beside her, and Beth moved hair out of her face. "If I had a daughter, I'd want her to be just like you."

Sophia smiled.

"Which is why I have to say: don't be mad at Carol, Sophia."

"I don't like Tyreese."

"Because he's not Daryl?" She nodded. "Why does it matter if it's Daryl? Hmm?"

"Because he makes Mommy happy." Sophia sighed. "Ed made Mommy sad. She used to cry all the time, but with Daryl, she smiles. And laughs. Ed never made Mommy laugh."

"What do you mean, Ed made Carol sad?" Beth frowned, glancing back at Patricia as she moved closer to hear better. "He made her cry?"

She nodded, very serious, not lying like Beth was hoping. "He was mean to her. He called her mean names and...and hit her."

"What?" Beth gasped. "He hit her? That b—man hit my sister?" She looked up at Patricia. "Oh, my God."

"Beth, I told you to knock before you—" Maggie cut off. "What?"

"Go talk to Shawn," Patricia told them. "We'll be down here."

Beth grabbed Maggie's arm and hurried upstairs to tell Shawn. She closed his bedroom door as he fitted the second contact over his eye, and Maggie waited as Beth began to pace, the look on her face was so anger, so murderous. Maggie was about to grab her and demand to know what the hell happened to make her look like that, act like this. What did Sophia say?

"I missed you too." He closed the last box. "But I have to go, so can this talk wait?"

"No." Beth faced him. "You know how Carol told us Ed died?"

"Yeah. So?" Maggie shrugged. "It was horrible, but that doesn't matter. She has us, just like Sophia has us."

"Yeah well, she forgot to mention the part where Ed **abused** her."

"What?" Shawn hissed.

"Who told you that?" Maggie demanded.

"Sophia. Before you start, I know her. She's not lying. She can't lie. She's tried, and I know what it looks like. She's...probably worried that Ty might be like that, because he hasn't made Carol smile or laugh." She folded her arms over her chest. "That bastard! How dare he hit her! How dare she not tell us! Why didn't she tell us?"

"Because we're short-tempered and all can use a gun," Maggie answered. "God, how could she keep that from me—er, us? That's bullshit."

"Damn right, it's bullshit," Shawn huffed. "If I didn't have a pregnant wife at home who turns into evil incarnate when hungry, I would find her and Ty and demand to know what the hell happened. I swear to God, if that man put his hands on Sophia, I'm going to kill him even more. Maggie, plan me an airtight alibi. I'll need it for when I intend to do with to man."

"Wait, just calm down!" Beth interrupted Maggie's rant before it started. "Carol came back after all this time and told us Ed died, but that's a lie. What if she_ ran away_ from Ed? What if he's chasin' her and Sophia?"

"Again, we have guns and we all know how to use them." She turned to Beth. "We have to assume that. Carol didn't tell us, because she didn't us to know, so we can't let her know we know."

"It ain't like we're gonna so tell her."

"Yeah, but Sophia told us. She'll tell Carol, and Carol will know we know."

"I'll bribe her." Shawn grabbed his wallet. "I used to bribe Carol all the time."

"We are not bribin' our niece," Maggie hit him, "unless we absolutely have to."

"Because telling her not to tell will surely work. Carol was a brat growing up."

"Sophia's not Carol." Beth opened the door. "Let's just talk to Sophia. I'm sure we'll come to some kind of agreement. Besides, maybe Sophia knows more, and if we don't want Carol to know we know we need to know all of it. Or most of it. Carol probably woulda shielded Sophia from it."

"Are you sure you're related to us?" Maggie asked, teasing a little. "Sweet, rational, not the type to hurt anybody. If it came down to it, Shawn and I would beat the shit out of Ed. I don't think you would."

Beth met her eyes, very calm. "If I ever met Ed, I'd leave no trace of his existence. I know what you cops look for, and I'm a nurse: I'm good with my hands—and needles." She headed downstairs.

"My skin is literally crawling." Shawn looked at Maggie. "No one should be the calm when they say things like that."

She followed after Beth as did Shawn, and they found her in the kitchen with Patricia, drinking hot coco and eating a cookie. Beth took the seat beside her, smiling warmly at her, very motherly, and Patricia dropped her eyes, and Maggie and Shawn leaned against the island.

"Sophia, honey." Beth tucked hair behind Sophia's ear. "Will you tell me more on how Ed made Carol sad?"

She set the cookie down on the plate and dropped her hands to her lap. "Mommy will be mad. She didn't want anyone to know. She didn't want me to know."

"It'll be our secret," Maggie persuaded.

"Mommy says secrets are bad."

"Not between family," Shawn informed her.

"Mommy says especially between family."

"What did she teach this kid?" Shawn grumbled.

"Look, sweetheart, we need to know." Maggie moved beside her, taking one of her hands. "Carol will understand."

"But I can't tell Mommy, 'cause it's a secret."

"Yes."

She pursed her lips then sighed. "Mommy always sent me to my room to listen to music, but I could still hear. Ed would call her bad things, and I would hear glass break." Her little face began to turn red as tears sprang up in her eyes. "Mommy asked him to stop, but he never did." She lifted her hand to her eyes. "Sometimes...Mommy wouldn't come to tuck me in."

Shawn clenched his jaw, a wave of anger washing over him as he thought of Carol lying on a floor, beaten unconscious and bleeding.

Sophia began to sob loudly, no longer able to talk as she remembered how bad Ed was to her, and Beth picked her up and held her, shushing her and rubbing her back. She carried her out of the room, soothing her.

"Maggie, can you track down Ed?" Shawn asked.

"Shawn—"

"Don't. I want a face to go with the name." He lowered his voice. "If that son of a bitch comes here for her and Sophia, I'll bash his fucking face in."

Patrica exhaled. "Do we tell Hershel?"

"God, no!" Maggie's eyes were wide. "He'd die if he knew."

"And Annette?"

"Mom would hunt Ed down and beat his ass, and I would gladly help," Shawn answered. "With her condition, I don't think we should tell her."

She nodded. "It's y'alls secret. Do with it what you want."

"Speaking of want, I need to call Sasha and see if she still wants... Oh, shit, I don't remember." He shook his head. "Well, I'm going to call her."

"I'm gonna go out on my date." Maggie rubbed her arm.

They lingered a moment longer then went back to what they were supposed to be doing, but before the cars left the driveway, Shawn and Maggie returned to the house as Beth lulled Sophia to sleep on the couch downstairs, brushing her bands gently to the side.

Beth looked up. "You thought it too?"

"Yeah." Maggie crossed her arms, looking from her to Shawn.

"Do we tell Daryl?" Shawn asked.

––

Carol laughed, lifting her head from her hand and lacing her fingers together. "So, did you know that Sasha was pregnant?"

"Not at first. Mom knew right away, and Sasha begged her to keep it a secret. She knew I didn't approve of her and Shawn."

"Why not? I thought of all people, _you_ would be their biggest supporter." She took a drink of water.

"That's right, you weren't there when it happened."

"When what happened?" She searched his eyes.

"A while after Shawn proposed to Sasha...he cheated on her."

"What?!" Carol softly exclaimed.

He nodded. "I don't know who the woman was, all I knew what she told me. She said..."

––

_Sasha handed Shawn a plate of chicken fried rice, sitting beside him on the couch with a glass of wine and an egg roll. She wondered why he was so quiet tonight. Normally, she had to beg him to stop talking. It was...disquieting. _

"_Umm, I talked to my mom today, and she told me that we can use the cafè for the reception. It's spacious and easy on the eyes." She studied his face. "Beth offered to decorate it."_

"_Sounds like Beth." He set the plate on the coffee table and leaned forward, not looking at her._

_She set her glass on the table and the egg roll on her plate. "Look, if you don't want to get married, tell me now. I can handle it." She waited, but he said nothing. "Or do you want a small wedding? Like Hershel and Annette's? It was cute."_

_Still nothing._

"_Is this about Carol? Do you want her there?" She moved closer to him, setting a hand on his shoulder, but he moved instantly, standing away from her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I know it's hard talking about her. I can't say I know what you must be feeling, but—"_

"_There isn't going to be a wedding," he slowly said._

"_All right." She stood up. "You'll be the one to break it to our mothers."_

"_Sasha—" His voice broke._

_Suddenly, she felt very concerned. She knew Shawn probably wouldn't go through with the wedding. Marriage wasn't something he wanted. He never told her that, but she knew. She knew him well. Because she knew him so well, she knew something had happened. He was beyond upset, and it wasn't with her. She'd taken everything—the location of the wedding, the invites, the sitting arrangement, etc—slow because she knew he wasn't ready. He only asked because it seemed like the right thing to do. After all this time, he probably felt pressured to propose, but it wasn't what she wanted. She just wanted to be with him. She loved him deeply, and to see him like this was a dagger to her heart._

"_It has nothing to do with Carol or the reception or you, even." His voice was thick. "You deserve better..."_

"_What are you talking about?" She walked over to him. "Shawn, what happened?"_

"_I was out late last night, you remember?" She nodded. "I...wasn't alone."_

"_Who else was there?"_

"_The client who I met with the other day. She wanted to discuss the pictures, so I went to see what was wrong with them, and when I got there, she offered me a drink. I accepted, and we—"_

"_I don't need the details, Shawn," she interrupted him. "Did you have sex with her?"_

_He dragged his hands down his face. "Yes."_

_She picked up her glass of wine and drank deeply, emptying it. Once it was empty, she looked down at it and tossed it at the wall just behind him, causing him to flinch. "Get out."_

_He swallowed. "S—"_

"_Do I need to repeat myself? Get out of my apartment!" She thrust a finger toward the door._

"_I didn't mean for it to happen, you have to know that." He met her eyes. "If I could take it back, I swear to God, I would."_

"_Don't give me your swears and regrets. Don't give me your tears or your words, just get out of my apartment!"_

"_I can't just leave knowing you hate me," he explained. "I can take Hershel hating me, I can take my mother disapproving of my career choice, but I **cannot** handle the thought of you hating me. You're the only person in my life that has ever... God, and for me..."_

"_What do you want me to say, Shawn?" She crossed her arms. "Because what you want from me is no longer an option."_

"_I know that!" He searched her eyes. "I just—I don't know, all right? I don't know how any of this happened. It's all a damn blur, and I don't understand how I could ever cheat on someone like you. I keep trying to figure it out, I keep going back, but there's nothing!"_

_She closed her eyes. "Shawn, whatever happened that night is between you and her now. I'm not going to try and make you feel better. I'm not going to listen to your honeyed words, even if you do mean them."_

"_Of course I mean them. I love you, Sasha."_

"_It doesn't matter now, Shawn." She opened her eyes. "You did the one thing you swore not to! Don't stand there and take the subject off the fact that **you** **had sex with someone else **and try focusing it on how much** you love me** and how you don't see how you **allowed** yourself to cheat! I don't want to hear it! Just get the hell out of my apartment! I can't even look at you!"_

"_All right." He grabbed his keys from the dish by the door and paused in the doorway. "I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but I **am** sorry, and it **was** a mistake."_

"_Go!" She couldn't look at him, but she heard him open the door and step out. She lowered herself down onto the couch and sat in silence for a moment then her body began to tremble as tears filled in her eyes and sobs slipped through her lips. She knew Shawn was many things, but not once she had ever had to think he was unfaithful._

––

"Oh, my God, that's horrible." Carol was stunned. Shawn was many things, but not a cheater. She found it hard to believe. Her brother...cheating. It was implausible. Shawn was the most loyal person she knew, and she couldn't fathom this. Why would he ever do such a thing? Sasha was a good person. Carol knew her through T-dog when she was here before. Why would Shawn cheat on her? And why did Sasha forgive him? She needed to talk to her brother.

"That's why I don't trust Shawn. I went to see Sasha the next day when she was sent home from work early for having a bad attitude, and she was raging. I'd never see her so mad."

"Wasn't she sad?"

"Sasha doesn't get sad. She gets angry."

"Why did she give him a second chance?"

"I don't know. I guess she saw how upset I was that she took him back, so she chose to not tell me." He shrugged a shoulder. "I guess with the baby on the way, I should try and make amends with him, but it's hard. She's my little sister, even though she acts like it's the other way around, and he hurt her. There was nothing I could do to make it better."

"That's what makes it worse." He nodded. "I know how that feels."

"Daryl?"

"Not everything in my life is Daryl."

"I—I didn't mean—"

She giggled. "I'm kidding. Yes, Daryl. Only I'm the one who hurt him. I don't expect him to ever forgive me. I...I can't."

He set a hand over hers. "I know you. You care, and I know you want Daryl to be able to forgive you one day, but maybe you should try to forgive yourself first."

She smiled a little. "Is this a date or a therapy session?"

He let out a laugh. "Let's talk about something else."

"All right. Tell me about you. What are you doing with your life?"

––

Daryl walked the streets alone, his mind busy with thoughts of how Thursday could turn out. He was excited for sure, but it wasn't just for finding out Sophia was his. He wanted to know that something good had come from his and Carol's relationship. After Ethan, it was all so messy, and even after Carol was back on her feet, it wasn't easy.

– – –

_He glanced over as she studied for some test, sitting on the floor with her books open on the coffee table, notes on her upraised knees. She was doing a lot better since she entered college. She was making straight A's and working the Greene Leaf as well. She even smiled from time to time, and Daryl was glad to see that. It made him happy, but... she was so distant. She rarely spoke to him about anything, just when her classes were and not to bother her while she studied. She never looked directly at him, and she never, ever touched him. Whenever she needed help with something—getting a plate down from the top shelf or getting something off the fridge—she did it herself and nearly broke something on herself or the item she wanted to reach. Too many times he'd caught her or the item, and she'd jerk away, like his touch hurt. And she slept on the very edge of her side of the bed. It made him ache, but what more could he do? He wasn't going to let her take meds again, and he wasn't going to push her, so he would wait. Maybe one day she'd smile at him again. Maybe._

_The phone rang._

"_I'll get it." He let her study and answered the phone. "Hello?"_

"_Is Carol home?" It was Beth._

"_Yeah. Why?"_

"_Just wonderin'. Tell her I said congratulations! I gotta go, but please tell her." She hung up._

_He set the phone down and returned to the living room. "It was Beth."_

_She nodded, highlighting something in her notes._

"_She said congratulations."_

_A faint smile appeared on her lips then faded. She wrote something in pen on her palm then returned to her notes._

"_Congrats for what?" he asked when she didn't say anything._

"_Nothing," she murmured, shrugging a shoulder._

"_Congrats for nothin'?"_

_She sighed. "I received a scholarship. It's nothing fancy, but it'll help me with this semester."_

"_That's great."_

"_I guess." She closed the lid to her highlighter and then closed her notes and gathered her books, placing them into her backpack. "I'm gonna go to the library. I need some references." She stopped in front of him. "Don't wait up, okay? I'll probably be there late."_

"_Yeah." He dropped his head. "Congrats on the scholarship."_

_She gripped her notebook to her chest then leaned up and placed a light kiss to his cheek. "Thanks." She left without another word._

– – –

_Daryl came home early from work, finding a mess of books on the coffee table, but no Carol. He closed the door and tossed his jacket on the couch. He went into the kitchen to grab something to drink when he heard indistinguishable coming from upstairs._

_He set the bottle of water down and went upstairs, his movements slow and silent. After years of being abused by his father, he'd learned how to walk softly so his father wouldn't know he was home or so he wouldn't wake him. _

_As he neared the bedroom, he could make out the voices. The one that spoke was Carol, and the other one was...softer. The person was possibly in the bathroom or closet. He wasn't sure who the person was or what sex they were, but he was certain he heard Carol laughing. He stopped to listen, having nearly forgotten the sound. It pulled at his heart to hear the happy sound of her laugh. He'd missed it. After all this time...and she was laughing with...someone else._

"_Put on the blue one," Carol suggested. "It'll look great with your eyes."_

"_Uh-huh."_

_He opened the door as Carol started to laugh, and he saw the other person was Andrea. She was modeling a dress for Carol, making her laugh, but the minute he entered, Carol stopped laughing and stood up._

"_I'm going to go try this on." Andrea slipped by Daryl and to the bathroom down the hall._

"_I didn't mean to interrupt."_

"_Why are you home so early?" She glanced at his face then around the room, arms folded over her chest._

"_T sent everybody home early. He had some business to attend to somewhere." _

"_Oh? What business?" _

"_Dunno. I reckon it's 'bout the shop."_

_She nodded. "Well, we won't be here much longer, so you can rest. You look exhausted."_

_He scoffed. For her to know that, she'd actually have to look at him. "Yeah, sure."_

_She frowned a little. _

"_You have to let me keep me this dress," Andrea called from the bathroom._

"_Excuse me." She walked by him, making sure to not touch him even a little and went to see how it looked on Andrea._

_He listened to their conversation and felt as if he were a stranger to Carol. Or perhaps Carol was a stranger to him. They didn't know each other anymore. He kept trying to fit the pieces together, but they were too broken, too scattered. He didn't have enough glue. All he was doing was cutting up his fingers and piecing small, irrelevant slices together. In the end, it was just broken. It would never be the same; all of the cracks would still be there._

"_Let's find something for you to wear." Andrea led Carol back into the room. "I'm thinking something sophisticated and a little slutty."_

"_I'm thinking not."_

"_You have greats legs," Andrea countered. "Show them off."_

_Carol glanced at Daryl but said nothing, lowering her eyes to the floor._

"_Here, this'll be perfect." She turned to him. "Are you coming?"_

"_Coming where?"_

"_To the party, of course." She noticed the confusion on his face then looked from him to Carol. "It's a annual post-exam party held by the only frat house that actually has good taste in snacks, alcohol and music."_

"_I don't think he wants to go," Carol whispered, meaning she didn't want him to go or herself anymore. "Maybe—I should stay. I wasn't even invited."_

"_Nobody's ever really "invited", they just show up. It's like a Gatsby party." She tossed a shirt and a pair of jeans at Daryl. "Get dressed. We're leaving in twenty minutes." She guided Carol back to the bathroom to do her makeup._

_They all got dressed, Andrea wasn't taking no for an answer, and they left for the party. It was full of people who all seemed to know Andrea and quite a few knew Carol. They were all surprised to learn she was with Daryl. Carol never mentioned they were married, and she only said they were together, because Andrea practically shouted it. He felt unwanted, unneeded, so he decided to use the bathroom and go. He would meet Merle at the bar. He didn't even have to check to know Merle was at the bar. Merle was always there._

_On his way back down, he spotted Carol on the couch in the corner, talking to some guy. The guy wasn't too ugly, and he dressed well. He didn't know the guy, but he didn't like how close he was to Carol. She was talking, telling him about school, he assumed. She was gesturing with her hands, and he noticed then she didn't have her rings on. He didn't care about her rings when the guy set his hand on her bare kneed, which made her uncomfortable instantly—he could tell by the expression on her face._

_He weaved through the crowd of people, trying to keep an eye on them while trying to get through the mass of people. He saw the guy kiss her and snapped. He pushed through them and grabbed the guy by his shirt, punching him in the face, and Carol covered her mouth with her hands in surprise, horrified as he kicked him the ribs. "Get the fuck off my wife!"_

"_Daryl!" She grabbed his arm. "Daryl, stop!"_

_Everyone was watching them now, Carol was embarrassed, but Daryl didn't care. He was pissed and he was so done. He jerked his arm free of her grip and left the house, storming down the stairs and up the street, beyond livid. He didn't hear anybody behind him, and he chewed his bottom lip._

"_John?" Carol lowered herself down beside him. "Are you all right?"_

"_**Get away from me!**" He scrambled back from her. "**Get out!**"_

"_John—"_

"_**Go!**"_

"_Hey, don't talk to her like." Andrea helped Carol stand up. "C'mon, let's go."_

_As they headed for the exit, John called her a few more foul more things, and Andrea stopped. Carol begged her not to, but she went back and punched him in the gut so hard he threw up. She grabbed Carol's hand and hurried out of the house before anyone could respond. Carol was in a haze as _

_Andrea started to lead Carol toward her car, but Carol stopped, looking around._

"_What?" Andrea studied her face._

"_Where's Daryl?" _

"_I don't know. Do you want to call him? My phone's in my car." She pointed to it with her thumb._

"_No, no, I think I know where he's going." She backed up. "I'll call you when I get home. Thank you."_

"_He's been asking for it."_

_She smiled. "Bye." She turned on her heel and ran up the street. She saw him a good fifteen feet away from her and hurried to catch up to him. She didn't bother calling out to him; he probably wouldn't turn around. She had to catch up to him. One, she wanted to talk about what happened and two, he was the only one who knew how to get home from here. He knew every road practically._

_She slowed down as she got closer, catching her breath, and her shoe slipped, causing her to trip. She groaned and pushed herself up, seeing Daryl watching her. She stood up, feeling a slight pain in her knees and ankle, but she still walked over to him, ignoring the feeling of something wet on her knees. She wiped her hands together as the space between them was erased._

"_Don't," he said before she spoke. "Just don't."_

"_Don't what?" She met his eyes for the first time in months._

"_Tell me I oughta apologize, that I ruined your night, some shit like that." _

"_I—I didn't come to say any of that." She crossed her arms. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the party. I'm sorry I let John get that close. I didn't expect him to kiss me. I thought he was interested in Andrea, honestly."_

"_You honestly think I give a shit?"_

_She dropped her eyes._

"_You don't even wear the goddamn ring anymore, so go right ahead. It ain't like you give a damn 'bout me anyway."_

_Her head snapped up."I do care about you!" Her eyes locked with his. "And I do too wear the ring! I wear both of them!" She pulled a necklace out of her top, showing him a locket and the engagement and wedding rings. He'd put the engagement ring in the locket before giving it to her after they were married. He was able to pay for it then, and he wanted her to have one. "I wear them close to my heart." She gripped them in her hand. "I don't want to lose them."_

_He scoffed. "Sure."_

"_Daryl, I do give a damn about you. I love you." She met his eyes. "I love you so much, and the only reason I didn't tell you about the party is because I know you hate to be around people like that. I was only going to be Andrea's driver. I wanted to make sure she made it home safely."_

_He chewed his bottom lip._

"_I'm sorry."_

_A beat._

"_Your knee's bleedin'."_

"_I know."_

"_C'mon, let's get it cleaned up." He slipped an arm around her waist, taking one of her hands, relieved she let him, and he led her into the coffee shop nearby. He took her into the bathroom, locking the door and wetting a paper towel. He bent down and gently wiped the blood and small pieces of gravel off her knee, hearing her wince a little. He blew on her knee, wiping the rest of it away, and he tossed the paper towel in the trash once her knee was clean. Then, after calling a taxi, he bought a coffee and hot chocolate for them to drink while they waited for the taxi to come pick them up. He sat beside him and handed her the hot chocolate. _

"_Thank you." She curled her hands around the mug and blew on it before taking a sip. It warmed her insides._

"_Car oughta be here in a couple minutes."_

_She nodded. "Good. I just wanna go home. Maybe take a bath." She took a small sip. "Maybe just go to bed. I don't know."_

_He didn't want to speak. He was glad to hear her voice. Usually, she just spoke a few words or texted him every now and then, but she was actually talking to him. He'd missed this. He wondered how long this would last. He didn't want to think that, but he had a feeling it wasn't going to last very long. He hated that feeling too._

_Carol spoke to him a little more as they drank, and when the taxi arrived, she held his hand the entire ride home. She stopped talking halfway home, he couldn't see her in the dark to wonder why, but he got his answer when her head landed on his shoulder, her warm breath on his neck. She'd fallen asleep. _

_He paid for the ride and carried her inside. He carried her upstairs, setting her on the bed, her hands were clutching his collar, and he had to pry them off. He placed the bear he'd won for her in her arms, letting her curl her fingers around it, and he removed her shoes, dropping them onto the floor._

"_Mmm..." She drew her legs in, burying her face into the bear._

_He changed into his nightclothes, locking up downstairs and turning the lights off before brushing his teeth and going to bed. By that time, Carol had wormed her way into the middle of the bed, and he only had one real option: to lie behind her._

_He wasn't sure that he should, but he was tired, so he pulled the covers out from underneath her gently and lied behind her, covering them up. She turned her head a little toward him, but she didn't wake. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, burying his face in her hair. For the first time in months, Daryl slept peacefully. _

– – –

"_So...the answer would have to be... but wait." She chewed on her lip, trying to determine how that was the correct answer. It was giving her a headache._

"_Carol?" Daryl opened the door. _

"_Hmm?" She peered at him over the top of her notepad. "What is it?"_

"_You know how T had business involving the the shop?" He removed his jacket._

"_Yeah." She set her book and notepad aside. _

"_He wanted to make some changes: new sign, another shop across town, and a partner."_

"_He wants to open another shop?"_

"_Yeah, he's gonna run that one."_

"_What about this one?" She rested her hands in her lap. "Who's in charge of it?"_

"_Me."_

"_What—He made you his partner?" She saw the answer in his eyes. "Oh, my God! That's incredible, Daryl!" She climbed to her feet and hugged him. "I'm so proud of you!" He held her close, burying his nose in the crook of her neck, and she waited a minute before pulling back. "Tell me everything." She pulled him down onto the couch beside her._

_He told her what happened, she looked so happy and proud of him, and it was like before. She even gripped his hand encouragingly when he shared his concerns about him being in charge. He wasn't sure he could do it, but she gave him the confidence to try. With the look her eyes and the words she spoke, he knew he could do it and do it well. He was so...happy._

_Carol grinned. "That's it. I am making your favorite dinner, and we're going to tell everyone."_

"_Actually, T invited us to have dinner with him and Jacqui and their kids. It's at seven."_

"_Oh, all right. I'll make it another night then." She looked at him for a minute then leaned over and kissed him briefly. "I'm gonna go get dressed." She gathered her belongings and went upstairs._

_He noticed she'd left a journal on the floor as he rose, but he left it. He had to get ready himself, and she'd probably grab it on their way out tonight. He paused just outside their bedroom, seeing Carol at her vanity, trying to decide on what earrings to wear, and he smiled to himself. Everything was getting back to normal like Annette had said. They were finding their way back to each other. Finally._

– – –

Daryl stuffed his hands into his pockets as he walked the street, the night air dry, and he felt worried about Thursday. He wasn't going to come out and tell Sophia she was his daughter—if he was—but he would have to her father in the sidelines. What if she does something he doesn't approve of? What if she does starts shoplifting? Or smoking when she's older? He knew Carol would be pissed and would go off, but Carol wasn't the most threatening person in the world. She might do it again. If he told her off, she'd think he was just being an ass. At what age were they going to tell Sophia about him? If he's her father.

Grunting, he shook his head. He heard laughter and glanced over, seeing a couple exit a pricy restaurant a cross the street. He looked them over and was stunned to see it was Carol and Tyreese. He'd seen Carol dressed up many times, but she looked...different this time. Ringlet curls shaped her beautiful face, her gorgeous blue eyes were sparking brightly, her painted lips smiling, and she wore a classy brown dress that hugged her figure. She was...stunning.

And she was stunning for Tyreese.

He dropped his head, biting his bottom lip, his chest tightening. He started to walk away, but he stopped himself, daring himself to look back at her just once more. So he did. He glanced over at them, watching as Carol pulled her jacket on and then watching Ty give her a hug. It looked like they were saying goodbye. He turned away as Tyreese leaned down toward her, to kiss her good night.

He turned into the alley beside him, fighting all of his instincts that told him to go back there and pry Tyreese away from her.


	16. Call Your Name

Carol stepped away from Tyreese's kiss, letting out a nervous laugh with her palms splayed out on his strong chest to keep him at bay, and she swallowed, trying to explain why she didn't want his good night kiss. "It's not you, I swear. You're really great, but I'm just not ready to start dating yet."

He smiled much to her surprise. "Good. This entire night has been..."

"Strange?" Carol offered.

"Yes, very." She laughed with him. "I see you as a friend."

"Me too." She was relieved he felt the same way. "Wait, why did you ask me out then?"

"Sasha asked me too. I figured you needed a night out, so I asked."

"I did. I really had a good time. I would love to do this again, but as friends."

"I would like that too." He opened the door to his car.

They got into the car and began to talk. It was easy and fun, and there was no tension. They now knew where they stood with each other, and they didn't have to worry about impressing each other, it was just...easy. Tyreese was really great. He was a teacher at the local elementary school. He taught physically education, and the way he spoke told her he about care each and every one of his students. She already had plans on sending Sophia to the school where she and her siblings and friends went to school, and finding out Tyreese worked there only confirmed it her plan to send Sophia there. She knew Sophia would love him, especially now since they weren't dating. She knew where her heart belonged, where it would always belong.

She waved goodbye as he waited for her to get inside, and she opened the door, seeing darkness. No one was on the first floor. She found that odd. "Beth? Patricia?"

"Shh." Patricia was at the top of the stairs.

Carol softly climbed up the stairs, seeing what Patricia had shushed her for. Inside Beth's bedroom in a mess of stuffed animals, blankets and empty wrappers from snacks were Sophia and Beth, passed out. It brought a smile to Carol's lips as she thought about the many sleepless night when she, Maggie and Beth would all go into Beth's room—it was the furthest away from their parents and brother—and they'd watch movies and eat popcorn only to pass out about half an hour in. They'd wake up with popcorn in their hair, theirs legs and arms all tangled, and Mom taking pictures to post on her Facebook. They were embarrassing pictures, but what her friends commented on the photos made them actually _feel_ the embarrassment, like they were little kids again.

"Did they watch every Disney movie ever created?" Carol whispered, removing her earrings.

"Probably."

"I'm not gonna lie: I totally wanted to be Tarzan when I was little. I mean, swinging from vines and playing with the animals of the forest." She got to experience some of that when she was with Daryl, and they'd go out to the woods to study and fool around. He loved the outdoors more. She pushed that to the back of her head as she noticed Patricia was wearing work clothes. "What have you been up to?"

"I've been busy myself. I've been arranging some things."

"Oh? What things?" Carol set the earrings on the dresser and removed her shoes, letting them stay where they fell on the floor in her bedroom.

"For Annette." She picked up Carol's heels and set them in her closet.

"Mom? Is she all right? I thought she was doing better." Carol's heart had stopped. "She was doing well."

"Yes. Yes, she is doing very well. She's doing so well, in fact, that she's coming home. Her doctors believe that being around her family and her personal belongings will help her more than sitting in a hospital bed, eating Jell-o."

Carol smiled. "Are you serious?"

She nodded.

"Mom's coming home." A million thoughts ran through her mind. "We have to make her favorite dinner, and—and I'll clean her room. I'll wash Dad's sheets, so they'll be clean and smell fresh. Oh, my God, we have—"

"Carol, calm down."

"Sorry. I got excited." She blushed a little. "Gosh, this is so perfect. Well, only if you and Otis were moving in too. It'd be perfect then."

"Who else is going to take care of Annette and help Hershel in the fields now that Shawn's moved out?"

"You—you guys are moving back in?"

"Yes. After all that's happened, Otis and Hershel agreed that fight wasn't worth destroying a lifetime friendship. We'll be staying in Shawn's room. I just have to disinfect it from corner to corner. Lord knows that boy wasn't blessed with ability to clean."

She laughed. "You can say that again."

"I just pray Sasha tends to their child. Or hires a nanny."

"Shawn's actually good with kids. Not cleaning or cooking or anything other than photography, but he's good with kids."

"I don't doubt it, but he can be lazy." She shook her head. "It's late anyhow. Get to bed."

"I'm not a kid, Patricia."

"I know, but you still need sleep. Go wash up."

"All right."

She abruptly pulled Carol into a hug, Carol blinked, but accepted the hug. Patricia stopped hugging them before they went to bed long before Carol, Shawn and her mom moved into Hershel's house. What the hell was this hug for? Did she really just want to hug Carol? How strange. Carol loved hugs, but this was just...odd.

"Ummm...Patricia?" Carol asked. "Is—is everything all right?"

"Of course." She released Carol. "I just missed you so much, sweetheart."

"I missed you too." Carol smiled a little. "I'm going to bed now since it's _so_ late."

Patricia rolled her eyes. "Well, good night then."

"Night." Carol closed the door after her then headed to the bathroom. She removed her dress, hanging it up and turning on the hot water to wash her face. She set her rings and bracelets on the counter then washed and dried her face. She slipped into a nightshirt and went to bed, finding the little pink Ethan bear in the middle of her mattress.

Scooping it up, she rubbed her thumbs over its belly, feeling the beads inside shift, and she smiled. Yes, she knew exactly where her heart belonged.

– – –

Carol poked her head into the closet where Daryl was working on the wiring to install a light. "Well, I just dropped Sophia off at school, so it's just the two of us." She watched as he put a screwdriver in his mouth to avoid talking to her, and she almost frowned. "I brought that toolbox from T-dog's shop like you asked. Do you want me to go get it? I left it in the kitchen on the island."

"Nah."

"Did I do something to piss you off in the past three seconds?" He said nothing. "Or do you just not want to talk to me."

"You catch on real quick, don't you?" He climbed down and tossed the screwdriver onto the bed, crouching down and working on the doorknob. It'd be jamming for the past two days, and he'd been trying to fix it, but he was annoyed and pissed. He couldn't find his focus on days like these.

"What's with the attitude?" She bent down beside him, but he didn't look at her. "Daryl?"

He pretended to be focused on his work.

"Is this about Tyreese?" She saw a muscle in his jaw jump. "Oh, my God! Daryl, are you kidding me?" She stood up and walked toward the door then faced him.

"Am I supposed to be happy?" He glared.

"You said you were okay with it!"

"Well, I lied!"

"You lied to me? Why?" She searched his face. "If I am okay with you dating then you sure as hell should be all right with me dating."

"I ain't datin'! That woman came onto me! I don't even know her goddamn name!"

"You didn't deny dating her," she shot back.

"Like you gave me a chance."

"Don't put this on me!" she shouted. "I only went out on a date. That's all I did, and you're pissed? What the hell, Daryl? It was just one freaking dinner. We talked, ate and occasionally I flirted with him, but it was friendly. The whole damn date was friendly!"

"I know he kissed you."

"How do you know that?" She glared. "You followed me?"

"Tsk, no! I could give two shits where you go!"

"Then why are you being an ass? It was just a friendly dinner. We didn't even have wine or talk about anything but Sasha and Shawn and what Tyreese does for a living!" She sighed. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"Because I—" he cut off "—don't like Ty. I don't know him very well, and I don't know if I trust him to take care of you. Of Sophia."

"What a load of crap! You and Tyreese are like brothers! He told me so himself! You work too close with T-dog to not know his kids on a personal level!" She moved into the closet to try and see his face from that angle. "Tell me the truth, Daryl."

"Tsk!"

"Oh, great comeback! Exhaling!"

"Oh, fuck you!" He gave her a dark glare. "I ain't gonna deal with this shit!" He left the room, slamming the door so hard the room shook.

She turned away from the door of the closet, covering her mouth to swallow a whimper that was rising in her throat, and she tried calming herself. Daryl could be so petulant sometimes. She was so very tired of fighting, but he didn't understand. She suffered too.

She knew Daryl probably thought she moved on the minute she left town, no matter what she told him, and she knew Daryl thought she didn't care anymore. That wasn't true at all. She loved him deeply and would die to protect him, now and then. She died every single morning she woke up alone in that dorm room, and she always had to talk herself into staying, to not jump on the first available bus and run back home. She had to be strong, but if he knew even half of what she went through... If she knew half of what he went through...of what everyone here went through...

– – –

_Carol opened the door to her dorm room and looked around. This was her new home for the next four years or so. She was going to buy an apartment when she could afford to. She didn't want to stay here and cry herself to sleep with a roommate two feet away. She wanted to be alone, but alone with him..._

_She set her bags on the bed, pulling her hair up into a messy ponytail, and she began to unpack, not wanting to linger on her thoughts. The more she did stuff, the less she thought about it. She wasn't going to think about it. She couldn't wait for classes to start, so she didn't have to think about him or her family. She could just jump into her studies and never leave them. She was to scared to think about what happened when she graduated. There were just too many options._

_She closed the full drawer and opened another, pulling her hair down as it was coming loose. She was about to put it back up when she saw a shirt in her suitcase. She slowly reached down and picked it up, seeing the worn green and black plaid. It wasn't a shirt she would wear to class or wear here to clean up. It wasn't even her shirt. It was too big for her with little holes here and there, and it smelled just like him. It was Daryl's shirt._

_**Here's the day you hoped would never come**_

_**Don't feed me violence**_

_**Just run with me through rows of speeding cars**_

_Tears clouded her vision as the hole she'd ripped into her heart the second this idea came into her head swallowed her heart entirely, and she collapsed, burying her face in the shirt as her entire body shook. God, what had she done to him? After all they'd been through, after all her promises... He's going to wake up and expect to see her in the kitchen, drinking tea and working on that scholarship essay, but she won't be there. The kitchen will be empty and dark. He'll wake up alone, and he'll assume she went to class. He won't even see it coming, will he?_

_**The paper cuts, the cheating lovers**_

_**The coffee's never strong enough**_

_**I know you think it's more than just bad luck**_

_Shawn sat in the dark on the floor of his bedroom, staring at the light a the bottom of his door, his elbows on his upraised knees. He'd been in here for God only knows how long. He was so pissed and so distraught. Everything was shit._

_He checked the mailed today and found a letter from Sasha. He opened it to find the engagement ring inside along with all the memory cards from his cameras he'd left over there over the years. He threw them against the wall. He would rather she break every piece of equipment he left then send him back the ring. He wanted her to keep it, but he knew—he knew—she wouldn't. She didn't want anything that reminded her of him. She was that type of person._

_Damn, he'd never missed someone so much in his entire life. It'd only been...what? A month? Barely. He wanted to see her, to hear her voice, see her beautiful face, but whenever he tried to see her at the station, the guys wouldn't let him by. They had her back, and he was lucky not to have his broken into small pieces. Those men were her brothers, and they all hated him now. He didn't blame them; he hated himself._

_Sasha was everything he ever wanted, and it was all in one woman. She was the only person in the entire world who made him feel like...he could do anything and everything he set his mind to. She was the person he could tell anything, no matter how silly, and just laugh about it without feeling like he'd made a fool of himself. She made the pain of losing Carol bearable. She made him...better than he was, so why the hell did he cheat? Why would he do that to her? _

_All because of that fucking Lovelace bitch and himself. It was so easy too. He didn't remember all of it, but it came back in bits and pieces, and it was so ridiculous how easy it was to destroy a relationship that he spent years building. If she ever gave him a second chance, he'd sooner die than cheat on her again._

_And now, to top it all off, Mom was sick. She was in the hospital and dying and here he was. He made a promise to his dad to always protect Carol and his mom, and look how well he's done. Carol's gone. She could be dead in a gutter or living well—he'd probably never know. Mom was dying, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to help her. He could only wait._

_**There, there baby**_

_**It's just text book stuff**_

_**It's in the ABC of growing up**_

_Beth was on the cold floor of her bathroom, staring at the wall with her back against the cast-iron tub behind her. She kept reading the paper, like she could will the words to change, but they weren't changing. They were staring at her, almost mocking her._

_All of her life she'd done so much to help other people, and she tried to make up for all of her selfish, childish moments. She wanted so badly to be a good person, and she knew she was. She was a good person. She just...was damned, it seemed._

_**Now, now darling**_

_**Oh don't lose your head**_

_**'Cause none of us were angels**_

_Maggie had her back against the door to her mom's hospital room, watching the doctors walk by, and she pulled her legs in tighter. She felt the cold of the door behind her seep through her tank top, but she didn't mind. It was something to focus on. She didn't want to think about how everything was fucked up right now. She didn't want to think about what could happen if she opened that door and went inside._

_She had to be strong for Daddy's sake and Beth's. She had to be the rock. She couldn't let them down. Shawn was already broken over what happened with Ethan and Carol and now Sasha and their mom. He wasn't going to be able to be there for her or them, so it was up to her to be there for them. She could do that. She was already strong enough for herself; now she had to be strong for all of them. At least for a little while._

_**And you know I love you yeah**_

_**Sleeping pills know**_

_**Sleeping dogs lie never far enough away**_

_Beth let the paper flutter to floor. She was a good person, and she'd done a lot of selfless things. She'd been told many times this or that couldn't have been done without her help. She was always glad to lend a hand, really. So why? What did she do to deserve this?_

_Carol was a great person. She took care of them whenever Daddy or Ma were sick. She always made sure they had everything they needed. She would spend hours with Mag or Shawn to make sure they all had a way to get home, and she would even go as far as packing lunches. She was the best big sister. Beth could still hear her reading stories to her at night whenever Mom had to stay late at the Greene Leaf. Carol was always there for her, no matter how much they fought, and now she's...gone._

_Mom was sick in the hospital. It was so strange to see her so still. Beth watched her for hours, it seemed, wondering why she was so still, so pale, so fragile. Annette was strong, and she raised all of them to be strong as well. She was such a good mother. Beth always wanted to be half the mother she was, if not all. Annette always told her since she ws the youngest, she'd have to live in a lot of shadows, but to be strong and know that she wasn't them. She was Beth and could only ever be Beth and to make the best of everything she was passionate about._

_**Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt**_

_Maggie's eyes filled with tears as guilt ate at her. She always made sure Daddy and Mom ate healthy. It was her one daily obsession. She'd always made sure they had enough protein and vitamins in their diet. She wanted them to be healthy, especially Annette. She knew Daddy was as healthy as horse, and she wanted to make sure Annette was just as healthy. _

_She sobbed, lifting a shaky hand to wipe her nose. She didn't want to lose another mother, not like she'd lost Jo. She loved her mother so much, and she loved Annette so much, and she didn't want to shem share the same fate, not so soon. She took care of Annette, so why...?_

_Maggie had been chopping vegetables for dinner that night, telling Annette about her day, making her laugh to try and take her mind off of Carol and Shawn. It had been going so well, and it was all normal. It had been a great day, and Maggie had been laughing with Annette over something silly. She'd just turned around for a second to grab an onion from the basket Daddy had left, and when she turned around, Annette was on the floor of the kitchen. It took just one second..._

_**I've watched you slowly winding down for years**_

_**You can't keep on like this**_

_Carol walked back to her dorm room, rubbing at her sore shoulder. She'd had the worst day ever. She slept too late, got kicked out of class because she was late, she hadn't eaten since last night, and she'd been feeling sick all week. She just wanted to curl up in bed and never, ever move again. She was so exhausted. If Karen was still there and she hadn't cleaned up that mess of burger wrappers, Carol was going to throw up on her bed. She seriously would._

_She opened the door and Karen threw her arms out, exclaiming, "Ta da!"_

_Carol smirked. "Is this the way we're greeting each other now? I...like it?"_

"_Ha ha. I cleaned!" She smiled. "Be impressed."_

"_I am. You know a broom and trashcan are for." She set her books down on her desk. "Good job, Karen."_

"_Don't be an ass. I worked really hard to clean this mess up. I think there was something growing underneath my bed." _

"_I told you to clean or I'd throw up on your bed." Carol crossed her arms. "You were also free today, so it's kinda your responsibility to clean, especially since I'm sick."_

"_How do you feel today?"_

"_Very queasy." She shrugged. "I'll be all right. I'll get a ginger ale, lie down and not move for the rest of the night."_

"_Well, you can do that now in a clean room. Do you smell that?"_

"_Lysol?" Carol teased._

"_Yes. Now more...whatever smell that was in here before. We'll never talk about this, okay?"_

"_Deal." Carol laughed. "So, what else did you do?"_

"_I'm working on my laundry, but other than that I cleaned this entire room. I even cleaned your side."_

_**Now's a bad a time as any whoa**_

_Carol tensed. "With Lysol?"_

"_Yeah." Karen noticed the look on Carol's face, and she frowned. "W—why? What is it?"_

"_No, no, no, no." Carol crawled onto her bed and tossed the pillows aside, finding the plush pillow that was nestled underneath the crappy ones she didn't care for. This pillow was the only pillow that she really slept with. It smelled like Daryl, and she could pretend, if only for a few hours, she was in his arms, and everything was all right. _

_But now the scent of artificial mountain springs had taken over Daryl's comforting scent. It brought tears to her eyes. She may have become friendly with Karen, but she still felt like a stranger here. She could feel other people talking about her and teasing her sometimes, but when she was in bed, she felt like she was at home. She felt safe and accepted, and everything was all right. Now that was gone._

"_Carol, what is it?" Karen frowned. _

"_I told you: don't clean my side of the room." Her voice was practically nonexistent._

"_I know, but I figured... I thought you'd like your side to be clean since you've been feeling crappy, so I cleaned it. I thought—I was helping.. Clean the germs, you know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...hurt you." She lowered herself down beside Carol. "I'm so sorry."_

"_It's ruined." She curled up. It's all she had left of him. His shirt had been washed by accident, but it needed to be washed. She was hoping the scent in the pillow would linger until she was able to stand on her feet, but now...she was forced to stand alone. Daryl wasn't there. He would never be at her side again. _

"_Carol, don't—don't cry." Karen felt her heart break as Carol broke down. She'd been sharing a room with Carol for a few weeks now, and she knew something happened in her past, but she didn't push. She wanted Carol to tell her when she was ready, not before, and now she hurt Carol, because she didn't know. Perhaps she needed to push a little._

"_Please, leave me alone," Carol whimpered. "Please."_

_Karen stood up and walked over to the door, stopping in the doorway, glancing back, and she dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry." She left the room._

_**There, there baby**_

_**It's just text book stuff**_

_**It's in the ABC of growing up**_

_Her own body had betrayed her. She would never be able to have kids of her own. Adoption was an option, yes, but she would never feel her child growing, never feel it kick or—or move. She knew blood didn't make a family; love did. She had a bond with Annette that was the same to the bond she had with her own birth mother, and Annette was her step-mother. She knew that she could still feel that bond with an adopted child, but it was never carrying a child that really upset her. All she'd ever wanted was a child, and now...she knew that would never happen. Adoption could take years too._

_She looked at her reflection, seeing her mother looking back at her. All of her life she'd been in somebody's shadow: her mom's, Maggie's, Carol's, Annette's even. She wasn't good enough as she was, or that's how it made her feel. She was a person with feelings who made mistakes. Just because she wasn't exactly like her siblings didn't mean she wasn't good enough. Yes, she wasn't Carol. She wasn't Maggie. She was Beth and she was a mess._

_**Now, now darling**_

_**Oh don't kill yourself**_

_She'd been fighting her entire life to get out of someone's shadow and to focus on her goals, but now... Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing! She tossed everything that was on the counter off onto the floor, panting as anger burned through her. She was tired of shit just happening around her. Mom dying, Daddy loving and marrying Annette, Carol losing Ethan and leaving, Shawn cheating on Sasha, Ma getting sick, and Maggie not leaving the hospital. They were all there in her life, but it just happened. She was tired of life just happening around her. She needed to stop trying to be everyone else. She wasn't like Carol or Maggie. She never would be, and it was time she accepted that._

_**'Cause none of us were angels**_

_**And you know I love you yeah**_

_Shawn pushed himself up, sick of all this self-pity. He took a shower and changed, heading down the stairs then out the front door. He had four very important woman he needed to see, and he wasn't going to sit on his ass while they suffered. He had to let them know how important they were to him, and he was going to need fresh flowers for one of them. _

_**It's okay by me**_

_**It's okay by me**_

_Maggie wiped her nose and exhaled, the floor numbing her ass, and she sniffled. She was tired of crying. She hated just sitting around and crying. She wanted to make a difference; that's why she's becoming a cop. So why was she sitting here, crying when she could be inside reading Annette's favorite book to her?_

_She saw Shawn at the end of the hall, and he walked over to her, offering her his hand, and she took it, letting him haul her to her feet. She embraced him the minute she was on her feet, and he held her tight, glad to see she was better just as she was glad to see him out and about again. They didn't grow up together and yet they were so similar, all of them._

_He released her and saw Beth at the end of the hall with a vase of flowers, and she joined them, smiling. They spoke for a moment, learning no one had gone inside the room since they first came here to see Annette, and they all went in together, smiling as Annette rolled her head to the side and smiled at them._

_**It's okay by me**_

_**It was a long time ago**_

_Karen returned to the room, hoping Carol felt better, because she felt like the world's biggest ass for hurting Carol. She often thought of Carol like a glass doll on the very edge of a shelf—at any sudden movement, it would fall off the shelf and shatter into a million little pieces. She wondered what could've happened to her._

_Opening the door slowly, Karen peeked in and saw Carol curled up in bed, cuddling a bear to her chest, very still. She entered and lowered herself down on her knees beside Carol's bed, resting her arms on the bed and offering her a smile. _

"_How do you feel?"_

"_I don't know." Her voice was thick, like she'd been crying the entire time. Karen hadn't seen her like this since that first night. "I don't think I feel anything anymore."_

_Karen gripped her hand. "I am so sorry, but could you tell me why I feel like scum of the earth over a pillow?"_

"_I don't want to talk about it."_

"_Maybe you need to."_

"_I don't want to." She sniffed. "Not yet anyway."_

"_All right, I can live with that." Karen hugged her, and it was probably the big sister in her that made her so protective of Carol. "Oh, my little freshman."_

"_Oh, shut up." Carol couldn't laugh, but she felt a little better. She needed a hug, and she needed to get it into her mind that she wasn't alone. She had Karen. She had a very good friend._

_**It's okay by me**_

_**It was a long time ago**_

– – –

Once she'd calmed down, she lowered her hands and opened her eyes. She found herself in darkness and sniffed. The door must have closed after Daryl slammed the bedroom door like a drama queen. She turned and felt out the knob, grasping it and twisting it open.

Only it didn't open.

She frowned and tried again and again and again. She even tried turning it in the opposite direction, but it still didn't open. Panic filled her, consuming her oxygen, and she began to pant in fear. "No, God. No, no, no, no." She couldn't be trapped in here. She couldn't be stuck here. Not in a small, dark closet. Not in a closet. "Daryl!"

She began to pound on the door. "Daryl! Daryl!" She was screaming at the top of her lungs, trying desperately to get him to come and open the door, but she didn't even know if he was in the house. He might have left and went to blow off some steam by getting a drink or by getting into a fight. He might even pick up a woman. She might be trapped in here for hours.

"Daryl, please!"

In the back of her mind, she could hear water dripping and smell rotten paint. Whenever Ed wanted to punish her, but didn't want to dirty his hands, he'd toss her into the closet in the basement, sometimes for days. She would scream and pound on the door for help, hoping he'd get annoyed and finally let her out or that someone outside would hear her pleas and get her out of that hell hidden behind fake smiles and perfect lawns, but no one ever did. It was only later when she decided to leave him did she discover the basement was soundproof. He had bought that house with the intention of locking her down there.

"Daryl!" she screamed, feeling tears in her eyes. "Please! Daryl! Let me out! Let met out!" She slammed her fists into the door. "Daryl!"

The door was too solid for her to break it down, but she was too panicked to stop herself from beating on the door, trying to get someone's attention, feeling warm blood on her palms.

"_**DARYL!"**_

––

Daryl walked through town, the wind rustling his hair, and he was calming himself down. He didn't mean to go off on her like that. He never meant to go off on her, but it always ended up happening. He wasn't sure why, but he needed to stop. It wasn't her fault Tyreese found her attractive. It wasn't her fault he was too much of a pussy to tell her he loved her so damn much it hurt when she was around and he couldn't have her.

If he hadn't met her, his life would've been so much simpler. He wouldn't have had to mourn the loss of his son. He wouldn't have had to see so much love from the people around him. He wouldn't had to have everyone look at him like he was broken after she skipped town. He wouldn't have to know if he might have a child that was alive.

If it wasn't for that damn bus...

– – –

_It was the first day of fifth grade, and Carol had to ride the bus, because her dad had to work, and Mom had to take Shawn to the dentist. She didn't want to miss the first day—a young overachiever as Andrea called her—and she hated the dentist office, so she decided to ride the bus. She hoped it wasn't too bad. Lori rides the bus from time to time, and the kids on her bus throw paper and spare change and Crayons. She had a plan: find a seat and never move until the bus stopped at school._

_Once the bus arrived, Carol climbed in, nearly falling on her face as the bus driver didn't wait until she found seat. She hurried to the seat behind him and sat down, placing her bag beside her. She kept her eyes out the window, glancing over from time to time to see if anyone from her class rode this bus. She didn't have any luck. Only high schoolers and little kids got on. She was too young to talk to the high schoolers, and too old to talk to the little kids. It sucked._

_**Whatever you do, I'll do it too**_

_**Show me everything and tell me how**_

_**It all means something**_

_**And yet nothing to me**_

_About ten minutes away from the elementary school, a boy got onto the bus, pushed her backpack aside and sat down. She took her backpack and set it in her lap, and she noticed the boy wouldn't look at her. She looked at him, however. He was around her age, she could tell, but she could only see dark hair that covered his face and his chapped lips._

_She reached into her pocket and pulled out lip balm, holding it out to him._

_He glanced over at her, but said nothing._

"_Here, for your chapped lips."_

"_Don't want it," he muttered._

"_Just take it. I have another." She practically poked him with it. _

_He reluctantly reach over and took the tube. "Uh, thanks."_

"_It's nothing. I get chapped lips all the time." She smiled at him. "I'm Carol Harrison."_

"_Er, Daryl Dixon."_

"_It's nice to meet you, Daryl Dixon."_

_**I can see there's so much to learn**_

_**It's all so close and yet so far**_

_**I see myself as people see me**_

_**Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there**_

_Carol took a seat on the bus, pulling her hood up and tossing her legs onto the seat so no one would try and push their way into the it. She slept peacefully to the bus engine, used to it after riding almost all fifth-grade year. She wasn't bothered by the kids anymore either. They were always quiet-ish in the morning since they were tired, and this was a great time to get some shuteye._

_She felt someone nudge her legs, so she opened her eyes and found Daryl standing over her. She smiled sleepily and moved her feet, and he plopped down beside her, getting as comfortable as he could get and closing his eyes._

_She poked his arm gently, he opened his eyes, and she held out a granola bar, and he took it, eating it with his eyes closed, and she smirked, leaning back and closing her eyes to get a few more minutes of sleep before school._

_**I wanna know, can you show me**_

_**I wanna know about these strangers like me**_

_Carol smoothed lip gloss over her lips, feeling her older brother watching her, and she closed the lip gloss. "Why are you staring at me?"_

"_Have your eyes always been_ so_ blue?"_

_She snorted a laugh. "Dad took the coffee to work with him, I see."_

"_Yes, he did. I am half-dead today." He yawned loudly. "I'm going to sleep in first. Screw trig."_

"_Why sleep in class? You'll miss important notes and fail the class."_

"_Well, it's either Mr. Baker bores me to sleep or he bores me to death. I'd rather sleep in first, not die, but if you really want me to die—"_

"_Oh, shut up!" She hit him. "I don't want you to die."_

_He laughed. "Thanks, kid."_

"_I'm not a kid. Stop calling me that."_

"_Uh, seventh grader," he pointed to her then to himself, "sophomore. You're a kid."_

_She stuck her tongue out at him and got onto the bus as he called her a kid for sticking her tongue. She took her usual seat as Shawn went to the back with his friends, and she propped her knees up on the seat in front of her. She thought over the answers to the test they had in first today, and she wondered if their teacher had made it any harder. She found those tests boring and easy, and Daryl just glared at her and cheated off her too. She didn't mind._

_**Tell me more, please show me**_

_**Somethings familiar about these strangers like me**_

_Daryl slid into the spot beside her, giving her a nod, and she reached into her purse, pulling out a baggie of brownies she'd made for the first day of school. He laughed a little at her, and she blushed, but she was glad to hear his laugh. She wanted to see his smile, because he had such nice teeth—not like her crooked, braced teeth— but he never smiled. One day, she would get a smile out of him. One day._

_**Every gesture, every move that she makes**_

_**Makes me feel like never before**_

_**Why do I have**_

_**This growing need to be beside her**_

_Daryl could hear Merle and his dad going at it in the house as he waited for the bus, and he ignored them, seeing the bus. He felt himself smiling a little at the thought of seeing Carol, but he stopped himself. They'd been riding the bus together for three years, and he didn't need to feel happy to see her. He saw her every goddamn day, so why did he always feel like this before he saw her?_

_He climbed the steps and saw her texting, but the minute he stepped onto the bus, she looked up and gave him that wide smile. He blushed, so he ducked his head and sat beside her. He splayed his hands on the seat, feeling Carol's hand just beside his, and he felt her hand move on top of his, and for a second, he wanted to grab it and keep a hold of it. _

_But Carol moved her hand instantly, apologizing about squashing his hand, and he shook his head. It was no big deal anyhow. He never would admit it, but he liked when she did that, even it if was accidental._

_**Oh, these emotions I never knew**_

_**Of some other world far beyond this place**_

"_Oh, my feels." Shawn faked tears. "Carol's a freshie." _

_She rolled her eyes. She was already nervous about being a freshmen, and he wasn't helping by calling her that. She wasn't scared to be going into high school, which could not be said for her mother who worry-ate her way through a tub of ice cream, two bags of cubed cheese and a pack of cookies. She was glad to get this experience finally. Plus, she had Lori, Mag, and Andrea in most of her classes all year, and she had her very best friend in all her classes. She was so going to have to tutor Daryl. She was taking a lot of AP classes, and Daryl was smart, but he could be lazy. "Shut up, Shawn." _

"_Fine." He tossed his bag into Andy's backseat. "Do you wanna a ride, kid? Andy won't mind."_

_She blushed. She had the biggest crush on Andy, but she had someone waiting for her. She wasn't going to abandon him for a hot guy. A really hot guy. "Nah, but thanks." She hugged him. "Good luck."_

"_I'm getting a job, not going off to war."_

"_Still good luck. You'll need it. Lord knows you make a bad first impression." He glared as she waved and got onto the bus._

_**Beyond the trees, above the clouds**_

_**Oh, I see before me a new horizon**_

_Daryl spotted the bus and hurried onto it as Merle came barreling out of the trailer. He slipped into their seat as Carol smiled warmly at him, glancing at her and he did a once over. She was wearing new jeans and loose color-block blouse with a beanie and scarf. He noticed she wore a little makeup that accentuated her eyes and lips, her long red hair spilled in curls down the front of her blouse over breasts she didn't really have in eighth grade, and he noticed how the jeans hung on her hips._

_Damn, this girl was gorgeous._

_She turned to face him and smiled. "Nervous?"_

_He shrugged. "Nah."_

"_I'm nervous excited." She rubbed her hands on her jeans. "We're going into the last four years of mandatory school. That's a little sad."_

"_You're so damn weird."_

_She blushed. "I'm glad to have you in my classes."_

_Now he blushed. "Whatever."_

_She took his hand and held it in both of hers, looking out the window._

Now,_ Daryl was nervous._

_**I wanna know, can you show me**_

_**I wanna know about these strangers like me**_

"_Doubling up?" Carol groaned. "I hate doubling up."_

"_Fuckin' bratty kids and arrogant assholes," Daryl agreed._

"_I can't even walk home, because I live a thousand miles away." She sat down on the ground beside him. "I need a car. I almost have enough saved up, so this time next year, I'm driving us to school."_

_He smirked. "Deal."_

"_I wish there was something we could do to past the time." She sighed._

"_Got some ideas."_

"_I will not make out in front of half the student body."_

"_Tsk, not that." He grabbed her book and hauled her up. "C'mon."_

"_Uh, Daryl, where are we doing? I have a bus to catch and a test to study."_

"_Just trust me. You already got a four-point-oh, so don't worry 'bout the test tomorrow."_

"_Well, I do worry."_

_He met her eyes. "Trust me, all right?"_

"_All right." She laced her fingers through his. "Where to?"_

_**Tell me more, please show me**_

_**Somethings familiar about these strangers like me**_

"_Daryl, you're killing me." Carol almost fell—again—in the dirt._

"_Keep up, woman."_

"_I'm in flip flops, Daryl Dixon, so do not tell me to "keep up, woman"." She glared. "I have slipped too many damn times to count, so maybe you should slow down!"_

_He turned around, walked over to her and she thought he was going to snap back, but instead, he bent down, picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. She gasped, grasping at his jacket, and he chuckled. She tugged her skirt to keep from flashing the universe—and him—and she smacked his leg. _

"_You unbelievable ass!" She held her skirt in place. "Put me down!"_

"_Nah."_

"_Daryl, please? Please, put me down. This is so embarrassing. I'm in a skirt for the love of God."_

"_I can see."_

"_What?!"_

_He chuckled softly. "Not that, but if you keep squirmin', I might."_

"_I loathe you. It's official."_

_He dropped her book then her on the ground, she glared at him, sitting up, but he lowered himself down on top of her, and she met his eyes before he grasped her cheeks and kissed her. "You all right? Didn't hurt you, did I?"_

"_No." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "No, I'm fine."_

"_Good." He sealed her mouth with his._

_**Come with me now to see my world**_

_**Where there's beauty beyond your dreams**_

_They sat in the back of Daryl's trunk with blankets underneath them, studying for the ACT, and true to her word: they were driving now. Carol's car was with Shawn since his was in the shop, getting something done. She didn't care to remember. She was too focused on passing the ACT. However, Daryl didn't care. He was annoyed by it._

"_What the hell?! What does an octopus sittin' on a damn—"_

"_Daryl." She couldn't take it anymore. "Please, stop yelling. I know you hate studying, but please, for my sake, stop."_

_He lied back, using the book as a pillow. "When you said you wanted to go to the woods, I thought you had something different in mind."_

_She smirked at him over her shoulder. "Wanna screw around?"_

"_Pfft." He rolled his eyes. Damn tease._

_She leaned over to whisper in his head, "I'll let you go down first."_

_He glared. "Stop."_

_She giggled, and he let out a short laugh at the sound of her laugh. "Fine. I'll make it up to you. Later." She crossed her legs and wrote down an answer in her notepad._

_**Can you feel the things I feel**_

_**Right now, with you**_

_Daryl watched her study, the wind blowing her curls into her face, and he noticed she only wore a tank top underneath her cardigan. He pushed himself up and moved behind her, sweeping her hair to the side, and he felt her shrug, trying to tell him to stop without actually speaking._

_He kissed her neck, she let out a soft moan, and he trailed kisses down to her shoulder. He could tell by the way her pencil no longer tapped against the book that she had lost interest in studying, and he pushed the strap to her top down with teeth, seeing her close eyes. _

_She turned her head and kissed him, the book falling in between their legs as she curled her arm around his neck, shifting to be on top of him. She ran her fingers through his hair, gripping soft strands, and she straddled him, her ACT no longer in her mind._

_He rolled her underneath him, grazing his hand down her leg and slipping his tongue into her mouth; hearing her soft moans and grasping her cheek, her skin soft on his palm. He loved the feel her skin. He wanted to feel all of her skin against his, but he would wait until she was ready. _

_He pushed her shirt up, kissing her stomach, and her breaths came out in whooshes. He grasped her hips and ran his tongue over her belly button. He glanced up to see her eyes were closed and her hands were gripping his tightly. He placed one last kiss on her stomach then kissed her on the lips._

_**Take my hand**_

_**There's a world I need to know**_

– – –

That evening, Merle saw Daryl's truck in the driveway along with someone else's car, and he headed inside. He was about to grab a beer from the fridge, but he heard muffled screaming. It wasn't a scream of a woman in the throes, and he heard a banging sound.

He hurried up the stairs and to Daryl's bedroom. He saw the closet door shaking as someone pounded on it, locked inside. He knew it was Carol. He knew her voice, so he hurried and opened the door. It didn't give easy, so he grabbed one of the tools off Daryl's bed and forced it open. He stepped back as she fell out of the closet, crying with blood caking her hands.

"The hell?" He crouched down. "Carol?"

"Thank God." She sniffed, wiping her nose.

"You're bleedin'. What the hell were you doin'?"

"Ed—Daryl—" She stopped, shaking. "The door jammed. I couldn't get out."

"Ed, huh?" He shook his head. "You needa get cleaned up. Sit."

She sat on the bed while he went into the bathroom and wet a washrag with disinfectant, grabbed a dry washrag and bandages. He returned and began cleaning off her hands. She winced. "What are you doing here?"

"Came here to check on Daryl. Know where he is?"

"No. We got into a fight, he left, and I got locked in the closet." She sniffed. "Thank you. I know you aren't very fond of me, but thank you."

"Well, Daryl loves you, and Daryl is my brother, so I gotta care," he muttered.

"Daryl doesn't love me." She licked her lips.

"Have you seen the boy?" He met her eyes. "He loves you. Hell if I know why."

She shrugged.

"So, Ed used to lock you in a closet?" He wiped blood from her right hand now.

"N—no. No, of course not."

"You said Ed first. I know he was abusive. Daryl might not, but I can tell."

She dropped her head. "Yes... Ed used to lock me in a closet." She began to tell him about the abuse, oddly finding it easy to talk to Merle. Talking to Amy was hard, but she felt like Merle understood. Growing up with Mason, she knew he did. She felt the burden lighten as she told him, flexing her fingers through the bandages. Who would ever have thought Carol would find a confidant in Merle?

He shook his head. "Son of a bitch." He set the rags onto Daryl's nightstand.

"Yes." She nodded. "He _is_ a son of a bitch."

"You tell Daryl?"

"No! And don't you tell him either, please! He'll try to do something stupid, like find Ed and make him pay for what he did to me. I don't need Daryl to be my knight. I don't need a knight. I need my family, so please don't tell him."

"I ain't gonna tell, but you are."

"Excuse me?"

"This friendship you two are tryin' to cultivate ain't gonna work if you don't tell him. One of these days, Daryl's gonna snap and do something that reminds you of Ed. You know that, and however you react will scar Daryl. You know that too." She averted her eyes. "Don't do that to him. Tell him. You want to, I can tell."

"How do I tell him that my husband abused me for four years?" She shook her head. "I won't."

"You will."

"No, I won't! You can't pressure me into—Oh my God, Sophia!" She shot up. "Oh, shit! Shit!" She ran downstairs. "Do you have a phone? Amy probably took her home when I didn't show."

"Yeah." He caught up to her and thought about it. She'd have trouble driving with her hands. He hated him brother sometimes, but he wouldn't risk making Sophia motherless or seeing Daryl and Carol lose another child because Carol's hands started to hurt at the wrong moment. "I'll drive."

"You will?"

"Don't make me change my mind." He handed her his phone.

"Thank you, Merle." She took the phone and called Amy's number as they got into the car. She waited patiently for Amy to answer while Merle drove to her apartment, Carol gesturing which way with her hand—which burned like freaking hell—but Merle knew where Amy lived. He hated that she lived in the shit part of town, especially since she's clean now. Why the hell would she tempt herself by living with drug dealers and crackheads?

Carol lowered the phone, heart racing. "Amy's not answering her phone."

"She might be busy."

"No, Amy always answers on the first or second ring when she has Sophia." She didn't like the fear swirling in her stomach. What would keep Amy from answering the phone? What kept Paige and Sophia from answering?

Merle punched the gas. He didn't like what ideas were popping into his head. He wasn't too fond of Carol nor did he owe her, but he wasn't going to let anything happened to that kid or Amy. He had her back when she was using, and he had it know. He knew what a bitch-ass Tomas could be, and he wasn't going to let Amy and Sophia suffer because of the shit he did.

They arrived at her apartment building twenty minutes later, Carol ran up the stairs with Merle on her heels, and they hurried to her apartment. The door was ajar, Merle told Carol to stay back, and he heard Amy cry out in pain.

He burst through the door and found Tomas standing over Amy. "Get the fuck away from her."

Amy scrambled back, trying to get away, but Tomas grabbed her hair and jerked her back, pulling out a knife and holding it to her throat. "We have unfinished business, so excuse us."

Carol looked around for something to throw at him to distract him long enough for Amy to get away, but Carol and Merle didn't have to do anything. Paige came out of the kitchen and stabbed Tomas in the leg with a knife, and as he cried out, arms at the knife sticking out of his thigh, Amy grabbed Paige and ran back towards the bedrooms.

Merle bashed his face into the wall, knocking him unconscious, and he told Carol to call the police, which she was already doing. He went to the back to check on Amy and Sophia, but he found two little girls in the room with her. He wondered when she became a damn babysitter.

"You all right?" He looked over her face, seeing a busted lip and the echo of a black eye. She had a few cuts on her arms, but they appeard to be shallow.

"I'll be fine." She turned to the girls. "Go get Carol, okay, girls?"

"But—" Paige protested.

"No, sweetie, go. Go out to the car, and I'll be down shortly. I promise."

Paige took Sophia's hand and went to Carol, who took them downstairs to wait for the police.

He reached out and grasped her chin, lifting it to see bruises on her neck. "Bitch-ass punk. I oughta bash his face in."

"He'll get his."

"Damn straight." He dropped his hand. "Girl's got guts of steel."

She smiled. "She takes after her daddy." She crossed her arms.

"Good. She saved two lives today. If he woulda killed you, I'd have fuckin' killed him."

"I'm not yours to protect anymore, Merle. I'm a big girl, and I can take care of myself."

"Then why the hell do you live in this shithole?"

"I don't anymore." She met his eyes. "I'm gonna go downstairs, wait for the paramedic and see if Tomas did any real damage."

He nodded. "I'll be right down."

"Don't do anything stupid, Merle." She grabbed her keys. "Please, I don't want you in jail."

"I don't plan on goin' back."

She nodded then smiled. "Thank you."

"Anytime, girl."

She headed downstairs, moving hair out of her face, and she saw the girls with Carol by her car. Paige ran over to her, and Amy hugged her tightly. "My brave girl." She kissed her forehead.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Paige gripped her shirt tightly.

"Me too, baby." She smiled at her. "I am proud you protected me, but next time listen to me. Don't come out."

"I'm not afraid of Tomas, Mommy."

"I know, but I can't lose you, baby, and I can fight my own battles," she told her daughter gently, but sternly. "Go get Sophia. We're staying somewhere else tonight."

She nodded and kissed her mom's cheek then got in the car.

Amy walked over to Carol, hearing the sirens in the distance, and Amy told her what happened. Carol gripped her hand, and Amy wiped at the tears that burned in her eyes. She was glad that the girls were spared. When Amy moved in, she broke the wall in Paige's room to fit her and Paige should they need to hide quickly from Tomas and his thugs, and that's where the girls hid. She was so glad they were playing in there or they might have seen.

"What happened to your hands, Carol?" Amy sniffed.

"I'll tell you later. Let's get you checked out." She guided her toward the paramedic, and she sat beside her as he cleaned the cut on her arm. "I've never seen Merle so...ready to kill. He's only been that way about Daryl."

Amy nodded then turned to her once the paramedic was gone. "Merle and I used to do drugs together," she confessed. "He used me as bait to lure Tomas in then Merle would beat the shit out of him and take his drugs. Tomas got revenge on Merle, but by that time, I wasn't using anymore, so he came here tonight for revenge and...answers."

"Answers to what?"

"He saw me at the store last week with Paige." Amy rubbed her arm. "He thought she was his. He was convinced actually, so he tried to beat the answer out of me."

"You had sex with Tomas?"

"God, don't remind me. I was so fucked up at the time, but I do know that bitch is not her father." She rubbed her jaw now, wincing. Damn, he punched harder than before.

"So, who is her father?"

She met Carol's eyes, the wind gathering their hair, and Amy sighed. "Paige's biological father is Merle." She looked over at him as he talked to Officer Grimes. "I'll tell you the story later."

Carol glanced over at the girls as they played in the backseat of her car. _We have the same eyes. _Carol felt a light spark of hope inside. Perhaps those eyes were Dixon eyes. Perhaps.


	17. I Need My Girl

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

_Amy stood outside, her thin clothes not keeping the cold out, and she crouched down, holding herself, shivering. She was so hungry. She hadn't eaten in what felt like days. She was tempted to just steal, but she didn't want to owe anyone anything when this was all over. She was the black sheep over the Horvath house, but she wasn't reducing herself to theft._

_She wondered what her parents were doing right now. Tsh. They were probably inside with a roaring fire, drinking wine and talking about which college Andrea would go to. They probably were using every photo of Amy to fuel that fire, glad to be rid of her, and they probably laughed at how blessed they were to have Andrea and how proud they were of Andrea. They practically did that when she still lived with them. Assholes._

_She missed Andrea, however, so much. She was her big sister, the one she always went to when she had a problem, the one who always got her and made her laugh. They were as thick as thieves back then. Now they weren't. Now Amy lived in a shitty little building, barely scraping by, and Andrea was living like a princess without a care in the world. She didn't even care enough to try and find Amy. Amy wasn't going to give her or their parents the satisfaction of her coming home and begging for them to let her back in. She would never beg them._

"_Well, well, well, who do we have here?"_

_She shot up and met Tomas' looming eyes. "What do you want?"_

"_That's my line." He brushed his fingertips across her cheek. "I have something for you. I know you'll like it."_

"_Piss off." She smacked his hand off her face. "I don't associate with whiny bitches like you anymore, and even if I did, there's nothing you have that I want."_

_He smirked. "Are you sure about that?"_

"_Without a doubt."_

_He narrowed his eyes. "Is he that good?"_

_She scoffed. "That isn't any of your business."_

_He grabbed her forearm. "Yes, it is. You are **mine**, Amy."_

"_Get off me!" She scratched his cheek, drawing blood._

"_You little bit—"_

"_What the fuck do you think you're doin'?" Merle growled, standing behind Tomas._

_He turned to face Merle. "Well, if it isn't the puta."_

_Merle grabbed his collar and bashed his face into the wall, Amy scrambled back, the ground cutting into her through her extremely worn leggings, and she groaned as Merle broke Tomas' jaw and left him whimpering on the ground, taking his stash. "C'mon." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet, leading her out of the alley._

_She glanced back once, but she stopped feeling sorry for Tomas when he tried to kill her. They crossed the street and hurried inside the building before someone found Tomas, and she closed the door behind them, turning to him. "So?"_

_He smirked. "C'mere." He pushed her against the wall and kissed her, his tongue invading her mouth, and he gripped her ass through her skirt. She lifted her hands to his neck, he grabbed them and held them against the wall, using his leg to part her thighs, and he raised her arms, holding them in one hand, using the other to lift her skirt. _

_She'd noticed that Merle always wanted her after they did something that could easily put them in jail. Those crimes were his biggest turn-on, and she never understood why. She really didn't care as long as no one died. She sometimes had to stop Merle when he just lost it, and she'd distract him with her body until he had worked the blood-lust out of his system. The only time he'd actually hurt her was when he bit into her shoulder so hard he drew blood. Other than that, he took care of her, and she took care of him. He was all she had anymore, and she took that seriously. _

_He pulled back, meeting her amorous green eyes, and he released her wrists, leaning down toward her ear. "I want to taste what you taste like," he whispered, grinning when she shuttered._

"_Here?" She glanced around the first floor to the apartment building they were staying in as he bent down. She had to admit, the idea of it was hot, and people did worse in the hall._

"_Don't tell me you've gotten shy." _

_She leaned over and kissed him, pulling her thin lace panties down, and he chuckled, grasping her hips, and she stumbled forward a bit. She closed her eyes, her lips parting as his tongue slipped inside her..._

– – –

Carol invited Amy and Paige to spend the night with her since Patricia and Otis hadn't move in yet—not that it mattered since Sophia invited Paige to sleep with her. Carol knew it was so Sophia could stay up past her bedtime, because Amy would be with Paige, and Carol would talk to Amy. Smart little munchkin.

Amy combed Paige's thick, wet curly hair on Carol's bed. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No." Paige held a stuffed hippo, adjusting the little hat from time to time.

"Good, just tell me if I do, okay?"

"Okay."

Carol set a bowl of popcorn on the nightstand in between her and Sophia's beds. "I brought up chocolate milk. Is that good?" Carol pointed to the cups Sophia had brought up, which had lids otherwise Carol could've made two trips.

"Yes, thank you." Paige smiled.

Amy combed out the last tangle then let Paige join Sophia on the floor to watch a movie. "Thank you for letting us stay the night." She set the comb in her bag and crossed her legs.

"You'd do the same for me." Carol handed her a cup of tea. "It's lemon. It's so soothing it should be illegal." She sat in front of her.

"Thanks." She placed it on the nightstand and exhaled deeply, and Carol could feel the stress pouring off her body.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Carol." Tears filled her eyes. "I can't go back there. Tomas will have told his friends, and Andrew will be waiting for Paige. I won't let them hurt her, but how can I make her homeless? I'm her mother. I'm supposed to have all the answers. I'm supposed to protect her."

"Who says mothers have all the answers?" Carol met her eyes. "I'm a mother, and I'm clueless ninety percent of the time."

She covered her mouth with her hand so Paige wouldn't know she was crying. Paige always curled up in Amy's lap and hugged her until she felt better, and Amy didn't want Paige to worry about her. She wanted her to enjoy the movie. "What am I going to do? Where am I going to go?"

"I would love to say you can stay here, but there's no room. I—" She cut off. Daryl has two empty rooms at his house. If she told him about Paige and who her father was, there was no way Daryl would say no to them staying with him. It was screwed up to back him into a corner, but Amy was desperate, and Daryl was able to help. She needed to apologize before she asked though. Maybe she could send Sophia in first.

"Carol?" Maggie called up the stairs.

"Wait here." She left the room and saw all of them downstairs with her mom. Oh, shit! She forgot about that. "I'm so sorry! I completely forgot!"

"I know. Rick called. Are you all right?" Maggie looked her over with concern.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Amy's the one who was beaten."

"Beaten?" Annette paled. "Is she all right?"

"Yes. She's fine. She just has a black eye and a busted lip with a few cuts. The girls are fine, and so am I."

"Well, thank God." Hershel hung up his jacket. "We were on our way to dinner when Rick called, so we'll just eat here instead."

"You don't have to—"

"Well, we are," Beth interrupted. "I bought some steak the other day, so I'll make those with boiled potatoes and fresh broccoli." She headed to the kitchen.

"I'll call Shawn and tell him about the change of plans." Maggie grabbed the phone and went into the living room.

"I'll make some tea." Annette removed her jacket with Hershel unneeded help. "Do you want some, pretty girl?"

"No. Umm, Dad, Mom, wait." She stepped of the stairs. "Amy and Paige are here. They're staying the night. Is that a problem? They don't have anywhere else to stay."

"That's perfectly okay." Annette smiled. "I'll tell Beth to make some for them too."

"Do we have enough?" Carol asked.

"I can run to the store if we don't," Maggie told them. "Besides, tonight's about celebratin', so no one's goin' without."

"Go and tell them." Annette set a hand on Carol's arm. "They're welcome to stay as long as they need to. Otis and Patricia have some business to attend to out of town, so we'll have that spare room for a day or two, and if they need to stay longer, we'll make it work."

"Thank you, Mom." Carol hugged her. "I'll be back down to help."

"Take your time." Annette smiled and went to help Beth.

Carol knew she meant more than just talking to Amy. She meant about everything.

"What happened to your hands?" Hershel gently took one of her hands.

"I burned them by accident. That fryer—it's a killer." She shrugged. "I'll be down soon." She returned to her room. "Hungry?"

"Starving," Sophia replied.

"Beth's making dinner now for all of us, and Mom says you and Paige can stay as long as you need." Amy nodded. "How do you like your steak?"

"Without a pile of guilt," she replied.

"Well done it is." Carol smirked.

Amy let out a small laugh. "Yes, well done. Same for Paige."

Carol told Beth how they like their steaks, helping her prepare them while Mom and Maggie began making a dessert that didn't need the oven since it was already packed with beef, and Sasha helped the broccoli when she and Shawn arrived, leaving Shawn and Hershel to set the table and bring up the extra from the basement for the kids.

Amy joined them, helping Shawn and Hershel, and Carol noticed Mom watching Amy, looking over her injures, and she wondered why she cared so much. She knew her mom and Dale were very close, so Mom cared deeply for Andrea and Amy, but it seemed to be more than that. What was it?

Once dinner was ready, Beth got the girls, and they sat down. Mom said a few words before they ate, and then everyone kept asking about the attack. Amy didn't seem to mind answering, but she left out the part about Paige stabbing Tomas. She didn't want them to know about her past and how she taught Paige how to protect herself just in case.

"Do you girls need more drink?" Beth asked as she went to grab some more rolls.

"Yes, please."

"All right." She grabbed the rolls and the bottle of lemon-lime soda, filling their glasses and setting the basket on the table.

"I have good news," Maggie announced, tucking her phone back into her pocket. "Tomas is getting a long sentence, and not just for the assault. They found almost three pounds of cocaine in his car. Rick made sure he didn't get off easy."

Amy nodded, looking over at Paige. There's still Andrew. "I should thank him."

"He's been tryin' put Tomas away for years now," Maggie told her. "I just wish you hadn't been attacked for it to be done."

She shrugged a shoulder. "It's done, and I'm all right, so is Paige."

"What do you do for a living, Amy?" Annette asked, mostly to change the subject.

"I teach. Sorta." She pushed a potato around her plate.

Mom didn't ask any more questions about Amy's job, they ate, listening to Maggie talk about her arrest today, and the way she had to tackle this guy was hilarious. As muscled as Maggie was, she still wasn't a giant in height, but the guy was. They could all imagine her tackling this man, and Maggie was determined to get this guy without her partner's help. And she did.

Beth rose. "All right, since I made dinner, I'm not washing dishes. I will cut the cheesecake though, and put on some coffee."

"I'll wash," Maggie offered. "After dessert, of course. Wanna dry, Amy?"

"Yeah. Here, let me help you collect the dishes." She picked up Paige's plate and Sophia's.

Carol helped collect the plates as Beth prepared coffee and Maggie cut up the cheesecake, giving the girls a slice first then Amy, Sasha and Annette and then everyone else. Carol was about to join them in the living room, but Shawn waved her over, and she walked over to him.

"What is it? You look...worried."

"I—I guess I am." He leaned against the wall. "Look, Sasha has a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning at seven, and I need you to come with us."

"Sha—"

"Please, Carol. Dr. S had to cancel last time 'cause of something happened to one of his other patients. I need you there. It's silly, but I would really appreciate if you came."

"Fine. At seven." She had to get Sophia tested anyway, and the sooner the better, right? "I expect a free breakfast."

"Thank you." He smiled. "By the way, you just agreed to stand by Sasha when I pass out or freak out while she's in labor." He walked away.

"A—What?" She went after him.

"I love you too."

She glared. "You asshole."

"Prove it."

"I'll need days."

He glared back. "You're evil."

"Prove it." She smirked.

"Well, I know I'm home." Annette crossed her arms. "Nothing changes between you two."

Carol smiled. "Nope."

––

Paige and Sophia were passed out on Sophia's bed, both of them sleep in the same position, clinging to their stuffed animals. Carol covered them up, kissing her daughter's forehead and running her fingers gently over Paige's wavy hair before sitting on her bed.

"If I were any more full, I'd have steak coming out of my pores." Amy flicked the light off to the bathroom. "That's a disturbing image."

"Yes, it is." Carol pushed her blanket back. "I guess you'll be sleeping alone tonight."

"For the first time in five years." Amy sat beside Carol. "Paige likes to sleep with me. My bed's more comfortable, supposedly. I think she just likes having me nearby. She wants to protect me. She's five, and she wants to protect me. She got that from her father."

"Merle doesn't know, does he?"

"No. I left him and that life behind a week or two before I knew I was pregnant." She crossed her legs. "I never told him I had a daughter, let alone that she was his."

"Why didn't you? He could've helped."

"Because I didn't want my past to affect Paige's future. Merle is a good guy...sometimes, but he's like a wild animal most of the time. I didn't want her to grow up in his world of drugs and police. She's so like him, and she's never even met him. Lord knows how she'd be if grew up with him."

"Merle's changed."

"Are you really trying to push me to Merle?"

"No, not push. Gently urge, maybe."

"Well, my answer is no. I've thought about it, but no." She scratched her arm.

"And your parents? Do they not know as well?"

"Oh, God, here it comes." She sighed. "No, my parents and Andrea haven't seen me in about six years. Dale, on the other hand...found me. Paige was about seven months old when Dale found me. I was taking her for a walk to get out of the apartment, and Dale was at the park. He'd been following me. Him and Shane, the human bloodhound."

Carol laughed.

"Anyway, he took me to lunch and saw I wasn't doing that great, so he—against my wishes—bought us beds, couches, chairs, nightstands and tables. He bought Paige an awesome crib, a highchair, stroller, carrier—everything she needed. I was so pissy with him, but he did it anyway."

"Why were you mad?"

"Because I thought he told my mom and dad about me and her, but... he hadn't. He respected my wish for my parents not to know. He sends me money every month, but I don't want his money or theirs. I can take care of Paige myself. I don't want the Horvath name stamped on her. It's a damn curse."

"What's her last name? Surely not Dixon."

"Harrison, like you. It was the only name I could think of when I changed my name two years ago. Besides, I got to keep my initials."

"Paige Harrison?"

"Paige Merrill Harrison."

"Ooh, so sneaky, Amy," Carol sarcastically told her.

"You do realize I smoked away a lot of my brain cells, right?" Amy teased.

"So, Horvath curse?"

"Right. Well, as you know my parents are wealthy entrepreneurs, Dale and Andrea are very successful Civil Rights attorneys, but you don't know that all of my grandparents followed that same path almost exactly. Everyone Horvath has been very successful and wealthy, and all of my life I've been pressured to follow in their footsteps. We're talking straight A's, honors and AP classes, scholarships out the yin yang, early graduations even."

"That must have been rough."

"It was. I stressed every single day, and I always came in second place with Andrea, and when I did come in first, it didn't matter anymore." She sighed deeply. "I don't want Paige to go through that. I want her to enjoy being a kid and being a teenager without them pressuring her to be perfect. She is perfect to me, and I won't have them tell her otherwise."

Carol nodded. "I understand, but... Don't they have a right to know their grandchild?"

Amy's jaw clenched. "They don't even have a right to know her name."

"Why?"

"Why? Why?! Are you kidding?" She lowered her voice as to not wake the girls. "They didn't even care enough about me to look for me after I left. I spent _two_ months starving and barely living while they expanded their business and increase annual net gross. My parents didn't give two shits about me. They let me disappear!"

"But you ran away."

"Yes, I did, but they didn't try to even find me." She tried to change to be the daughter she knew they wanted. She wanted to be just like Andrea: intelligent, witty, beautiful and able to do anything and everything. She wasn't Andrea. She was the screw up. She was the one who stood in the background while Andrea got praised. She was the one who they always said could do better, who they always threatened to take things away from, who they wish they never had. She was a mistake, and they would never forgive her for that. "Instead Merle found me, and even though I'm not proud of what we did, I am proud that we made Paige. She's the best of me and the best of him."

"It sounds like you're in love with him, Amy."

"It sounds like that, but I'm not. The only love I have room for in my life is Paige. Right now, I have to focus on taking care of her, so tomorrow I need to go to the bank and see if I can take out a loan. For that, I need to wake up early, so I'm going to bed."

"All right. Good night, Amy."

"Night." She kissed Paige's forehead. "Good night, baby."

Carol looked at her daughter. Tomorrow, Carol would know if her baby was a Dixon. God, she hoped and prayed Sophia wasn't a Peletier. At least Amy knew her baby was a Dixon. Hell even Shawn knew his baby was a Greene.

She groaned. Thanks to Shawn, she had to wake up early. Asshole. Cheating asshole, at that. She was glad she gave Shawn another chance.

– – –

"_What do you need me to do?" Sasha asked her mom, who had closed the shop for the entire day to work on inventory since Annette was in the hospital, and it was going to take some time. Sasha was on her way to the hospital after she stopped by to see if her mom needed help. She may not be happy with Shawn, but she respected Annette and cared for her. She was going to see if she needed anything._

"_Aside from talking to Shawn, not much." Jacqui wrote down how many straws they had. "Could you carry that box into the freezer for me? Ty will be here soon to help me with the heavy lifting, so that's all I need from you."_

"_Shawn?" Sasha crossed her arms, already pissed off. "Why the hell do you want me to talk to Shawn?"_

"_Because all he does is ask about you. Every morning it's "coffee, black, how's Sasha?"." She turned to her daughter. "I don't want to be the middle child with you two. I'm not getting involved, which he is making it hard to do."_

"_Then tell him to stop asking."_

"_Do you think that thought hasn't crossed my mind? I'm tempted to throw his damn coffee on his face just so I don't have to hear that question. I couldn't hurt him like that. He still loves you." She lowered the clipboard. "And you still wear the ring."_

_Her hand automatically went to the engagement ring hanging around her neck. It'd only been a few weeks, but she couldn't take it off. She didn't want to, but perhaps it was time. He stopped calling and texting, so perhaps it was time she stopped clinging to the past. She didn't know this Shawn anymore. She needed to stop acting like she did._

"_I have to drop by the hospital to see Annette." She carried the box into the freezer like her mom asked. "Is there anything you want me to bring her?"_

"_Yes. I left a bag on the counter."_

"_All right." She hugged her mom. "I'll see you later."_

"_Take care of yourself."_

"_I always do." She smiled. "Bye."_

"_Bye, baby."_

_She used her phone as a flashlight since the lights weren't turned on, and she spotted the bag. She picked it up and started to leave, and as she left, Shawn entered. She watched his face slowly lift into the happiest smile possible, and she guarded her eyes._

"_Sa—"_

_She walked right by him, not saying a word, not listening to him call after her. She got in her car and drove to the hospital. She felt the tears in her eyes, but she blinked hard to erase them. She wasn't going to do this again. She wasn't going to get upset. He was the one who cheated, so why did she feel so bad? Like there was something dying inside of her. God, it was worse than any bodily injury. _

_At the hospital, Sasha found Beth and Annette lying on the hospital bed, reading a child's novel and laughing. She knocked and smiled a hello. They returned it, Beth looked away for a moment, and Sasha knew Beth was still uncomfortable around her. She wasn't sure how to act, especially since Shawn was the one who cheated. Shawn was her big brother, but Sasha was her friend. She didn't want to hear Sasha say horrible things about him, because she loved him dearly, even if he was an ass._

"_Mom wanted me to bring you these." She set the bag on her bed. "Hey, Beth."_

"_Hey." Beth closed the book._

_Annette untied the bag and found a container was full of fried green tomatoes. She smiled. "How sweet."_

"_Tomatoes?" Sasha crossed her arms. "Mom rarely makes those, even when Ty and I beg."_

"_I like my tomatoes in salad only, thank you." Beth wrinkled her nose a little._

"_Have you even had one before?" Annette sat up. _

"_Daddy made them once, and they were nasty." _

"_Hershel also made cooked-on-the outside-raw-on-the-inside chicken breasts," Sasha pointed out. _

"_True." She looked them over. "May I have one?"_

"_Of course." She found napkins in the bag and set one on a napkin for her. _

"_Thanks." Beth took it and bit into it, chewing slowly. "Huh...they're really good."_

_Annette smiled. "Told you." She gestured for Sasha to sit. "Help yourself."_

"_Oh, no. She made them for you." She set her purse on the floor as she sat in the chair._

"_I said help yourself. Maggie's stopping by after she gets done at the gym, so whatever we don't eat, she will."_

"_How is Maggie? I heard she enrolled in the police academy." Sasha crossed her legs, taking one of the fried tomatoes. _

"_She's doing well."_

"_I heard Rick say she might be the youngest to make detective," Beth added. "She's still in trainin', and he said that."_

_Sasha smiled. "That's great."_

_They talked about Maggie and how Beth was doing in school, eating half of the tomatoes. Sasha missed talking to them. Since Shawn and she broke up, she stopped going to see them. If she ran into them at the store or any place like that, she'd talk to them for a bit, but she didn't go out of her way to find them. That was another shitty downside to that bastard cheating._

_Beth went to wash her hands and Annette closed the container while Sasha tossed the napkins into the trashcan. _

"_I know you've probably been asked this many times these past few weeks, but...how are you?"_

_Sasha faced her. "It's been...a long couple of weeks." She shrugged. "I don't really want to talk about it."_

"_I understand." She met Sasha's eyes. "I'm not telling you what to do or pushing you in any way, but Shawn is a good man. He made a bad decision, and I'm very disappointed with him, but he doesn't repeat bad decisions. I'm not telling you this as his mother; I'm telling you this as your friend."_

_She didn't look at Annette._

"_You're a strong young woman, capable of making your own choices, and I respect you and love you. I've known you since you were just a baby, so please let me say this."_

_She lifted her eyes. "What?"_

"_Don't let what he did cloud your opinion of him."_

"_How can you ask me to do that? I was loyal to him, and I respected and loved him deeply. He couldn't do the same. I'm not giving him a second chance when he couldn't respect me or our relationship enough to say no that night." Tears burned in the back of her eyes. "I can't have this argument with you. I just can't. Have a good night, Annette, and I do hope you feel better." She left the room, grabbing her purse on the way._

_Beth hurried after her. "Sasha, wait!"_

_She stopped, swallowing tears and turning. "What?"_

"_He's my brother, but I can't hate him for what he did. I'm pissed at him for cheating, and I understand that you have a right to be even more pissed at him, but don't...become distant. You're still a friend to all of us, and we love you, so please don't hate us for his mistake."_

"_I don't hate any of you." _

"_Then talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling, please. I can see you bottlin' it up, and that's not helpin' anybody."_

_She inhaled deeply. "I appreciate that, Beth, but...this is my problem. Please, have a good night." She turned on her heel and left the hospital. She set her purse in the passenger seat and dug her keys out of her pocket, cursing when they fell onto the floor. _

_She felt something under her seat, so she scooped it up along with her keys. She flicked the light on and saw it was the picture of her Shawn had taken when he decided to become a serious professional photographer. This was his first and best picture, he'd even written it on the back along with the date._

_Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked at the picture. She loved him so much, even after he told her he'd slept with someone else. It cut her so deep that he had slept with someone, but she would never tell anyone, just like she never Shawn that he was the best thing that ever happened to her._

_**I need my girl**_

_Sasha packed up everything that belonged to Shawn and set it in the back of her closet. She would return it eventually, but for now she had to focus on more important things, because she didn't want to see Shawn. She wasn't sure what those important things were, but they were there._

_She sat down on her bed, looking at the pictures of nature that Shawn and she had hung along the wall to brighten up the her room and give it a more home-y feel. She was tempted to pull them down and throw them in the trash, but she decided to let them stay. She and Shawn had had some pretty good times, and she didn't want to forget them._

_Maybe she could balance her checkbook? _

_She flopped back and closed her eyes, trying her best to not remember those good times right now._

_**I am good, I am grounded**_

_**Davy says I look taller**_

_Sasha laughed for the first time in what felt like a long time, listening to Mike and Michonne and Terry argue. She was glad she decided to come and see them. After everything with Shawn, she needed some time away from her apartment. Every time she saw her bed, she saw Shawn and her looking over the many pictures he'd take of nature, trying to decide which was better. They always managed to get distract..._

"_Are you sure you don't want to stay the night?" Michonne asked. "We have room."_

"_No, I have to get home, but thank you for the offer." She hugged her. "Thank you for having me."_

"_You're more than welcome." She smiled. "You're family, stop by more often."_

"_I'll try. Kiss Andre good night for me." Michonne nodded, and she stepped back. "Bye."_

"_Bye."_

_She put her bag in the backseat and drove home. It was a long drive, but she didn't mind. There was nothing that reminded her of Shawn out here, and she felt good. She no longer felt like she was missing a torso. It'd been two months now, and she was feeling better about everything. She still missed him, but she was getting over him._

_**I can't get my head around it**_

_**I keep feeling smaller and smaller**_

_She adjusted her bag on her shoulder, the moon her only light as she walked over to her apartment, and she saw a bouquet of flowers resting on the steps. They were violets and fresh too. They hadn't been trampled on, hadn't been left out to rot, so they were recently placed there. She didn't have to look at the card to know they were for her from Shawn. She liked violets, after all._

_She picked them up and took them inside, setting them on the counter and tossing her bag into the bedroom. She grabbed a vase and filled it with water then removed the purple ribbon and set the flowers in the vase, smelling them briefly. Mmm. She tossed the unread card into the trash and tied the ribbon in a bow around the vase._

_She smiled to herself. There. They were beautiful, and she knew exactly what to do with them, where to place them. _

_**I need my girl**_

_**I need my girl **_

_Shawn visited his mom, smiling at her and giving her a hug. "I brought you something."_

"_Don't keep us in suspense," Maggie teased._

_Shawn set a book on his mom's lap, crouching down beside the bed. "Open it."_

_Annette smiled with delight as she opened the book and found pictures of her girls and Shawn filling its pages. She looked through it and saw them growing up in the pages, all the smiles both toothless and full of braces, all of the different styles and funny faces. It warmed her heart and brought a few tears to her eyes to see the last of picture of Carol and her grandson who was with God._

"_This way you can have all of us with you at all times," Shawn told her. "Do you like it?"_

_She nodded. "It's beautiful. I love it."_

"_That's so sweet." Maggie pointed to the one of her from fifth grade. "Oh, my God, what the hell am I wearin'? God, that needs to be burned. It doesn't even match."_

_Shawn laughed. "I thought that was one from Spirit Week. It wasn't?"_

"_No."_

"_That's awesome. I have blackmail."_

"_Not if I burn your computer." She frowned at the other picture. "Please tell me that is a wig and not my hair."_

"_It's not." Annette laughed at it lightly._

"_Why did I think that was cute?" She laughed at it. "Look at that. That's horrible. Why did Mom let me leave the house like that? Gosh."_

"_Maybe it was Halloween," Shawn offered._

"_I hope so." _

_**Remember when you lost your shit and drove the car into the garden**_

_**And you got out and said I'm sorry to the vines and no one saw it**_

_He removed his jacket and set it on the chair he about to sit in. He noticed flowers on the table and saw they were violets. He swallowed hard. He bought that vase on their first anniversary and filled it with Hershey kisses and violets, leaving a small box buried underneath all of that with a necklace inside. She was now more than willing to give away items he'd given her. Damn it._

_**I need my girl**_

_**I need my girl**_

"_So I told him, I may be short, but I can kick your ass."_

_Bob laughed, and she laughed a little herself. "What did he do?"_

"_He told me he couldn't hit a girl and left."_

"_Well, that's one way to do it." _

_They stopped out outside her apartment building, and she turned to faced him. They'd gone on two dates these past three days. She really enjoyed them, and Bob was great, but there was something missing. She wasn't sure what it was, but it made her not feel an attraction to him. It could be that her mother had set her up with Bob since it'd been three months since she'd been on a date. Sasha just didn't want to date. She found Bob friendly and smart, but that was about it._

"_Good night." He didn't try to kiss her, just smiled and continued down to his car._

_She smiled to herself and went inside._

_**I'm under the gun again**_

_**I know I was the forty-five percent of then **_

_It was her day off, and of course it was pouring down rain. She didn't mind. She had a book she'd been dying to read, but she'd been too busy to read it. Now she had time. Probably plenty of it since it kept raining._

_She set her cup of coffee down on the window seat, reading her favorite James Patterson novel. She grabbed a few cream-filled cookies and sat down, dunking them in the coffee and reading as rain poured down outside._

_She looked over at the bouquet of flowers on her counter. The beautifully arranged lilies and pink and white roses were in a white and blue stripped coffee mug-shaped vase, sent early yesterday morning from Bob. They had ran into each other at a bar, got a little too drunk and ended up at his place. She wasn't sure how she felt about it, but the flowers were lovely._

_She read for an hour, completely lost in the words, and then the sky flashed with lightening, and she glanced outside. She started to turn back to her book when she saw someone across the street. She lowered the book and zeroed in on Shawn Greene standing across the street, soaking wet, looking at her. She could tell he was shivering from the icy rain so he'd been out there for quite some time, but she wasn't going to let him in because he's decided to let his inner dumbass out. _

_She rolled her eyes and pulled the curtains over the window, moving to the couch. She couldn't focus on her book now, so she waited half an hour before going back over to the window and pulling the curtain back, seeing Shawn still out there, shaking as the rain came down harder._

"_You idiot," she muttered._

_**I know I was a lot of things**_

_**but I am good, I am grounded**_

_She picked up her phone and called him, the number etched into her memory, and she saw him pull his phone out his pocket, answering it with a stammered hello. "Why has no one called the police on you?"_

"_Beca—because they k—know I'm harm—harmless."_

_She shook her head. "You're so stupid. And creepy."_

_He laughed. "Th—thanks. I—I tr—try."_

_She sat down, watching him. "Go home. You're going to get sick."_

"_N—not a ch—chance."_

"_I'm not letting you in, so unless you want to impress my neighbor, keep it up. He might be on vacation with his boyfriend." She paused. "I was supposed to water his plants. Well, shit."_

"_P—please le—let me in."_

"_No." She averted her eyes. "Go home or I'm calling Ty then the cops." She hung up and closed the curtain._

_**Davy says that I look taller**_

_**I can't get my head around it**_

_**I keep feeling smaller and smaller**_

"_He's insane." Jacqui shook her head. "Sasha's as stubborn as they come."_

"_He's tryin'," Beth argued. "He loves her."_

"_She'll never admit that she still loves him, even though we can all see it."_

"_I feel so bad for them. It's been ten months, and as the housekeeper, I can tell you that Shawn's room is spotless from how much time he doesn't spend in there. It's depressin'."_

_Maggie saw Jacqui and Beth sharing an umbrella, and she saw they were watching Shawn watch Sasha. She crossed the street and stepped in front of them. "We said we wouldn't get involved. What the hell are you doin'?"_

"_We were just goin' for a walk," Beth protested. _

"_In the middle of a storm?" Maggie shook her head. "I'm only out 'cause I had to lock up the shop for Daddy. It's gettin' cold, and it's only gonna get colder. Get home, both of you creepers. I'll talk to Shawn."_

"_Fine." Beth handed Maggie her umbrella. "Your hood's drenched."_

"_I'll survive. Go."_

"_Here, take this to him." Jacqui held out a wrapped sandwich. "He's been here almost all day, and I came to bring him this."_

"_Okay." Maggie took it and walked over to Shawn. "Hey."_

"_Hi." He glanced at her. "Aw, my stal—stalkers are le—leaving."_

"_Shawn, you're a stalker right now."_

"_Yes, but I l—look harmless."_

"_You're freezin', so just go home and take a hot shower and come back tomorrow."_

"_No."_

"_Shawn, it's only gonna get worse out here! You need to come home before you get hurt. Physically hurt. Cars can easily slide off the road and hit you, dumbass! Do you really want Sasha to see you die?"_

_He met her eyes. "I need my girl."_

_She searched his eyes then groaned. "Fine, but I'm not givin' you this sandwich."_

_He smirked. "Thanks, s—sis."_

"_Dumbass." She held the sandwich out, but he shook his head, even when she persisted. She sighed. "Give it one more hour and come home, please."_

"_I—I'm not say—saying yes." _

_She groaned. "Fine. Be stupid and get sick." She turned on her heel and hurried back to her car._

_Sasha peeked out the window once more when the sounds of the storm got louder and sounded angrier, and there he was. She could see the street was empty, and she felt bad. She hated that he made her feel like shit, especially since she should make him feel like shit. How else she was supposed to feel? He was out in the pouring rain like a dumbass while she was warm and dry._

_**I need my girl**_

_**I need my girl**_

_She picked up her phone and called him. "Get your ass up here." Since he was willing to stand in the rain and watch her like a serial killer, the least she could do was hear what he wanted and offer him some coffee._

_She opened her door when he knocked, but held a bag out. "You'll have to strip."_

"_Ser—seriously?"_

"_Seriously, I don't want water dripped through my apartment."_

"_Fine." He removed his boots._

"_Down to your boxers." _

_He tugged his jacket, shirt and undershirt up and over his head, dropping them into the bag, and he unbuttoned his jeans, his fingers slipping twice on the zipper. He could feel Sasha watching him, her eyes lingering, and he dropped his jeans into the bag. "May I come in now before my ass ends up all over the Internet?" _

"_Well, it is a nice ass." She stepped aside, closing the door behind him. "I'll toss these into the dryer in a minute. Uh, here." She handed him a blanket and poured him a cup of coffee. "Oh, um there's a pair of jeans and a shirt in my bedroom that should fit you."_

"_Thank you."_

"_I just need your boxers." _

_He went to her room and yanked the shirt on, tossing his boxers into the bag before he pulled on the jeans. She left and he wrapped himself in the blanket, his entire body shaking, even with the clothes on. He picked up the cup and sat down on the couch, taking a drink. It warmed his dry throat and his hands. Nothing had changed in her apartment, but she did have a vase of flowers on the counter. He was too damn nosy to not go and read the card._

_He set the mug down on the coffee table and went over to them, reading the card that was resting on the counter outside the envelope. It was from Bob Stookey, his family's doctor since Charles Stookey retired a while ago. It was thanking Sasha for the evening. They went on a date. Bob took Sasha out on a date. He sincerely doubted Bob sent her his beautifully expensive-looking bouquet because she had a nice smile and a charming personality. Huh, he knew what to do the next time he saw Bob._

_Sasha returned, closing the door and locking it. "They'll be done soon and when they are, you can leave."_

"_And until then?" He picked up his coffee cup and drank from it._

"_I am sure you'll figure that out." She picked up her book and sat in the window seat, knees upraised._

_They sat in silence, Sasha reading and Shawn drinking coffee, but neither of them could focus on anything but the fact that the other was right there. Sasha pretended to read, trying desperately to concentrate on the words and the crime of the novel, but she just wasn't able to, and she could tell Shawn was having the same issue, even if he didn't have anything to truly focus on._

"_So—?" he said at the same time she asked, "Why—?"_

"_Oh, you first." He turned to face her._

"_Why were you waiting outside my apartment in the middle of a storm?" She closed the book and peered over at him._

"_Because I wanted to talk you. I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry, and that I love you ardently, and—" he stopped when she dropped her head and didn't look at him. He swallowed. "What?"_

"_Nothing." She set her feet on the floor. "You were saying?"_

"_I know you probably don't trust me and may never trust me again, but I can promise you that I will never cheat on you again, if you give me another. I swear to God, and I know that might not mean much, but when I swear to the man upstairs, I mean it." The ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. "Sasha, I miss you. I miss everything about you so damn much. I love you. I never stopped loving you...but I want you to be happy. If you don't want to hear me out or want me out of your life forever, tell me you don't love me, and I'm gone."_

"_I don't...know if I want you out of my life." She lifted her head. "What more can you possibly tell me to try and get me to change my mind? To get me to trust you?"_

"_I'll stop drinking entirely. I'll never visit any single female client in the middle of the night, married ones too—I'll do anything prove that I'm worth giving a second chance. Anything."_

_She shook her head. "No."_

"_Sasha, please." _

_She kept shaking her head, tears forming behind closed eyes. "No, Shawn." She felt his hands cover hers, and she pulled her hands free, opening her eyes to find him on his knees in front of her, his big blue eyes pleading. "I told you—"_

"_Please." His eyes were filling with tears. "I love you, and I will die proving myself to you."_

"_You said you would go, so go!"_

"_Tell me you don't love me, and I will."_

_She opened her eyes, tears falling. "I—don't."_

_He dropped his eyes, his hands falling slack to his side, and he nodded. "All right." He stood up, she exhaled shakily, and he started for the door._

"_I wasn't done." She stood up. "I don't want to love you, but God, I can't help it." She glared through her tears. "How can I love you? After what you did... God, I'm so angry at you! I hate you so much, but I love you so much at the same time!"_

_He met her eyes silently._

"_You went to that bitch and screwed her, even though you had me and you were engaged! Why? What about her made you want her more than me?"_

"_It wasn't about want! I never wanted her! What happened that night was a mixture of a strong ass drink and my idiocy. I'm a dumbass for ever accepting that drink and for not seeing what her real reason for calling me was."_

"_That's not good enough, Shawn! How can you expect me to take you back when all I see is her—everywhere—and I hate you for it!"_

"_H—"_

"_I have **never** been so insecure in my entire life," she interrupted him. "You want me to take you back, but for all I know, you're comparing me to her."_

"_Nobody compares to you," he shot back. "Least of all her!"_

"_How can I believe that?"_

"_You may not believe me, but from what I can remember that night, I know you were my one thought."_

"_Is that supposed to make me feel better? You're disgusting!"_

"_I'm bad with words! You know this! I shouldn't be able to talk, but somehow God allows it!" _

_She laughed. "You are such a dumbass."_

"_If I could go back to that night and undo it, I would. I would give anything to undo what I did, but I can't. All I can do now is try and prove to you that I love you and that you can trust me. I'm willing to deal with a short leash if that means we have a chance. Please, tell me we have a chance, because I can't live like this anymore. I see you all the time, and it's best-worst part of my day, because I know one of those times, there will be some other man beside you and then your children beside you. And I destroys me, because it's not me beside you, it's not our children."_

_She met his eyes._

"_I not only want you, Sasha Alexandria Douglas, I need you. I'll be honest about it: I'm pathetic and unmotivated and a mess without you. I love you with all that I am, and I can find a way to live without you, but God, I just really don't want to. A life without you is no life at all."_

"_Do you think you can win me over with a few of your dulcet words?" She was smiling, but only just a little._

"_You make me insane." He marched over to her and kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back just as fiercely, opening her mouth to his. He could feel her entire body pressed against his, smell her scent all around him, and he knew he could spend his entire life with her like this and die happy. He pushed her against the wall, breaking the kiss to look into her deep brown eyes, and he smiled, kissing her gently. "God, I missed you._

"_I can tell." He chuckled, and she gripped his strong shoulders. "I'm not sure this is a good idea."_

"_We don't have to," he assured her. "We can take this slow."_

_She nodded. "And we will take it slow." She grasped the hairs at the base of his neck. "Tomorrow."_

"_You sure?"_

"_Yes."_

_He closed his head eyes, resting his forehead on hers. "Just so you know, you're the best I've ever had."_

_She smirked. "I know."_

_He snickered._

_There was a moment when they just looked at each other, and it was like their want hit them at all once, and those ten and a half months seemed to turn into years. He kissed her, lifting her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist, keeping her pressed against the wall. He slipped his hands underneath her shirt. He'd forgotten how soft her skin was, how flawless it was, and he lifted her shirt up and off, leaving her in only a bra._

"_The couch," she said between kisses, wanting him now._

_He set her down on the couch gently, her hands went under his shirt, pushing it up his broad back, and he tossed it to the side, kissing her hungrily, cradling his head in his hand gently. He slid his hand up her torso, skimming his thumb over her nipple, softly, repeatedly, and she moaned against his lips, lifting her leg to wrap around his back._

_Her hand shifted from his shoulder to the button on his jeans, undoing it and pulling the zipper down, and she lifted her hips to his, brushing against him, watching as his lips parted in a strangled groan. She kissed the corner of his mouth down to his chest, tasting him, and she lifted her lips from his chest, shifting, with some difficulty as they were on the couch, to be on top._

_He grasped the band of her jeans and undid the button and zipper, slipping his hands inside her jeans, pushing them and her panties down and grasping her perfect ass, pulling her toward him. "You taking me—I wouldn't have it any other way."_

_She raised up so he could pull her jeans down the rest of the way and so that he could lift his hips to pull his jeans down. She sank down on top of him, watching as his head titled back and eyes closed, a restrained groan escaping his lips. She grasped his hands, lacing her fingers through his, moving oh-so slowly, reveling in his fullness, in her claiming him as hers—only hers. She was going to make sure he knew it was _her_ scent on him, it was only her who made him feel this way, and she was going to make him tremble...moan...and **ache**. And when he finally couldn't take it anymore, she was going do it all over again._

"_Sasha," he moaned in his throat._

––

_Waking up with such a ravenous hunger, they decided to order some takeout because all she had in her fridge were bottle of orange juice and flavored water. Sasha could only find the menu for a Chinese place. She called and ordered as he got dressed to pick up some wine and the food. She set the phone down on the nightstand beside her as he tied his shoes._

"_I should go shopping tomorrow." She shook her head. _

"_I'll do it. I have to pick up some...memory cards anyway." He grabbed the umbrella from underneath the dresser. "Or I can go with you."_

"_Okay."_

_He kissed her slowly, savoring the taste of her mouth, the feel of it. "I'll be back."_

"_Drive safely. You know where my keys are."_

_He left, and she got out of bed, grabbing a shirt and panties, pulling them on. She grabbed her phone and called her mom, sitting on the arm of the couch. She'd missed their dinner plans."Hey, Mom."_

"_What happened? We were supposed to have dinner together. That was four hours ago."_

"_I know. Something came up." _

"_What could've possibly come up that you prevented you from calling?"_

_She bit her bottom lip. "Umm, well—Shawn."_

"_Did you kill him?"_

"_No, we talked. We...talked for a long time, and I lost track of the hour. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. I'll make you dinner."_

"_You just talked?"_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_For all four hours?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Is he still alive?"_

"_Yes, he's alive. He went out to get some food. Anyway, I just wanted to call and let you know that I'm okay. I know you worry."_

"_Well, thank you for calling." She paused. "And for ensuring I'll get grandchildren before I'm dead."_

"_Yeah, I'm hanging up now. Good night."_

"_Good night."_

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too. Bye."_

"_Bye." She hung up, tossing the phone onto the couch and going over to the window, peering out. It was pitch-black, and the rain had only lightened. She listened the rain until Shawn came back, and she opened the door for him. He handed her the bag with the wine bottles and hung his coat up over the shower rod to drip into the tub below._

"_I'll open the wine. You can make the plates." She dug through the junk drawer, trying to find the corkscrew, and his hands gripped her hips, his lips brushing against her cheek. "I don't know about you, but I like that my kitchen is the one place we haven't had sex in my apartment."_

_He chuckled. "That's not what I'm after." He hugged her tightly. "I just wanted to hold you." He kissed her neck. "I love you, Sasha."_

"_I love you too." _

_He released her. "So, egg rolls first?"_

"_Yes, I'm starving."_

"_Here they are." He set the bag on the counter after sticking on in his mouth, eating one as he reached up behind her and pulled down plates. He divvied up the food, she filled two glasses with wine and grabbed spoons. _

"_Here, try this." She pulled the rest of the egg roll out of his mouth and held out a spoon. "You haven't had it before."_

_He ate it. "That's freaking awesome, and you took all of it."_

_She laughed. "I'm sharing, aren't I?"_

"_Good. Can I have my egg roll back?"_

"_Nope." She ate the rest of it. _

"_I'll remember that." He took a drink of wine and carried his plate over to the couch, sitting down, and she followed. He began to tell her about the newborn calf as they ate, and it was all so natural, as if these past ten months hadn't happened, as if that horrid night never happened, but God did he miss her laugh. He could hear that sound every day and never be annoyed by it._

– – –

Sasha held Shawn's hand as Lilly showed him what Sasha had been shown by some older woman at her last appointment. Carol was behind him, smiling, and really excited for him, and Lilly's face began to shift with confusion. Carol felt worried spike in the pit of her stomach.

Shawn noticed it too. "What is it? Is something wrong with the baby?"

"Hold on." She studied the screen, moving lower on Sasha's belly, and she let out a small scoff. "We need to have Glinda get her eyes checked." She turned to them. "I have news. You're not have a baby."

"What?" Shawn was confused.

"I beg to differ," Sasha added.

"You're having bab_ies_; twins."

"Twins?" Sasha repeated. "Twins?!"

"Yeah. See this? It's your second baby." She smiled. "She's healthy too."

"She?" Shawn paled.

"Uh-huh." She gestured to the other baby. "And this one is a boy."

"Aw, you're growing a penis," Carol told Sasha. "How does it feel?"

"Amazing." She turned to Lilly. "Twins? How in the hell was I not informed of this? Do you know how likely it is that Shawn will pass out?"

Lilly looked at him. "He's not blinking."

"Shawn?" Carol shook him. "Shawn?"

"I—I—I um, need air." He stood up. "I'll be—Air." He walked out.

"This is why I'm here." Carol took his seat. "Continue."

"Should I check on him?" Lilly asked.

"He'll be fine."

"Yes, he'll be fine. Meanwhile I'm carrying a litter, and my husband has abandoned me. It's very comforting." Sasha shook her head. "I'll have to glue his shoes to the delivery room floor."

Carol laughed. "I'll help."

She smiled. "I'll buy the glue, and you make sure it sticks."

"I'm sure Shawn will be..." Lilly dropped off. "May I suggest gorilla glue?"

After the appointment, they went to the Greene Leaf to tell Jacqui the news and have a cup of tea before going to lunch since it was too late for breakfast while Shawn tried to figure out which one of them was responsible for putting twins on the table.

"Shawn," Carol stopped him, "it's your fault. Twins run in our family."

"Son of a bitch." He sighed. "I'll get the tea."

"Just for Sasha, please. I have plans that I'm late for. I'll see you later." Carol watched Sasha and Shawn tell Jacqui the news, and she smiled. She might be seeing something like that soon herself. She checked her watch and cursed. Daryl was going to be pissed, if he even remembered.

She hurried to her car that she'd left here before they went to the doctor's, and she drove home. She texted Daryl from Maggie's phone to meet her there. She hoped he was over his jealousy, or he wasn't going to find out at all. She would keep Sophia away from him and call it a day. She was already keeping Sophia from one possible father.

– – –

"_I'm dying," Carol groaned from the bathroom at Karen's house that her boyfriend's father had bought for Karen and him to live in while in college. It still had some touching up to do, so she was staying in the dorm for now. Carol thought it was great from the two seconds she saw of it. She'd gotten so sick off of last night's dinner, and it hit her just as they walked in._

"_Well, you have no fever." Karen stood outside the bathroom door. "Are you sure you got sick off of dinner last night? We both had chicken, and I feel fine."_

"_I had baked, you had grilled." She lifted her head from the floor. "I think my insides came out. I swear, I saw my kidney."_

"_I am not fishing it out for you."_

_She groaned._

"_Have you considered that...maybe...you're expecting."_

"_Pregnant?" Carol sat up. "No! No, I am not pregnant!" She felt her stomach wake with the raising of her voice, and she hurried to lean over as she heaved._

"_Oof. That's disgusting." She dropped beside Carol, rubbing the small of her back. "Just breathe."_

_She coughed, reaching up with a shaky hand and flushing. "Oh, God." She inhaled deeply, taking a calming breath. "I think I'm done."_

"_C'mon, brush your teeth." She helped her to her feet. "Use one of the new ones in the drawer. I'll be in the kitchen." She let Carol be._

_Scrubbing her teeth, Carol began to think back. She hadn't gotten her period yet, but it was just late. It was either coming tomorrow or the day after. It was that pricy chicken, she knew it was. It tasted funky anyhow. She wasn't pregnant. After all since she'd been here, she hadn't been with... Oh, God._

_She walked out to the kitchen. "Today's the twenty-fifth, isn't it?"_

"_Twenty-sixth." Karen filled a glass with orange juice._

"_Oh, no." She wiped her mouth on her sleeve. "Oh, my God. I'm **beyond** late, Karen."_

"_There's a drug store twenty minutes away. I'll be right back." She grabbed her keys. "Breathe."_

"_I'm trying."_

"_Twenty minutes."_

"_Hurry, please." She wasn't breathing. She was freaking out. She might be pregnant. What the hell was she going to do if she was pregnant? Swaddle the kid while taking notes? Yeah, her professors will love that. God, and the father... "Oh, shit."_

_Who was the father? Who the hell was the father? She'd only been with Ed once, and that was the second week here, so... No, but Daryl. She slept with Daryl before that. Had she been so determined to let it end peacefully that she didn't think about protection? No. They used condoms. She knew they had. They had to have, not that it mattered since they used one for Ethan too. _

_She whimpered and went to the bathroom to rinse her mouth out. She only started to feel really crummy a couple days after she had sex with Ed. Oh, God. She was pregnant by Ed. How did this happen? That whole night was just a blur in her mind right now. She remembered him taking her back to his place, and they were talking and then he kissed her. It was sweet and gentle, and they ended it in his bedroom. Was there protection involved? She hadn't taken any birth control with her when she left Georgia, so if they didn't use a condom, Ed was the father._

_She shook her head. She didn't know if she was pregnant. She didn't know. It could be a late period. She's had one of those before. It was nothing, just nothing. She wasn't pregnant. She couldn't be._

_Karen returned to find Carol in a ball on the floor of the bathroom with wide eyes. "I'm back."_

"_I'm panicked."_

"_Hey, it's all right, Carol. It's all right. If you're pregnant, I'm here. I'll help take care of the baby, okay? I mean, how hard can it be...? I'll ask Milton, and as he can't say no to me, he'll help. We'll get through this, okay? If Ed doesn't want anything to do with the baby, I'm here. We'll figure this out."_

"_I can't ask you do that."_

"_Well, you're not blinking, and it's scaring me."_

"_I have to pee, so go."_

_She handed her the bag. "I'll make breakfast." She pulled the door closed and went to the kitchen._

_Carol opened the bag, pulling out the box, and she pushed herself up. She almost didn't want to pee on the stick to see if her life was going to change. What if this baby didn't make it as well? What if she lost this baby sooner than she lost Ethan? She couldn't handle that. She wouldn't be able to live knowing any life she created died inside of her. It would be too cruel. _

"_God, please," Carol prayed before opening the box, "if I am pregnant, please let my baby be alive. Let him or her be healthy and alive. Please, Lord. Please."_

_With shaky hands, she opened the box and pulled out the pregnancy test, swallowing tears at how this one little stick could tell her her life was going to change with one little yes._

––

_Karen watched Carol scoot the eggs around on her plate around with her fork, the bacon and toast untouched along with the mint tea. Karen had cooked while Carol peed, and she was eating and Carol waited for the results. It'd been ten minutes, but she hadn't moved an inch. _

_Karen set her fork down and went over to the other end of the counter. "It's now or never."_

_Carol dropped her fork and nodded._

_She read the test and sighed softly. "You are... not pregnant."_

_Carol looked at her. "I'm not pregnant?"_

"_Nope."_

_Carol didn't feel as relieved as she thought she would. She wanted a child, even if the timing wasn't perfect. She wasn't pregnant, just sick as usual. Where was the relief?_

"_Carol?"_

"_It's nothing. Ugh. Why am I so upset over something I didn't even have?" She shook her head. "It's negative..."_

"_No."_

"_What?" She walked over to her and looked at the test. "Oh." She ran a hand over her mouth, her hand shaking, and the shake began to spread throughout her entire body. She set her hand on her stomach and let out a small laugh, sniffing. "I'm pregnant."_

"_Yep. I'll call my doctor and schedule an appointment, see how far along you are." _

"_You're too good to me."_

"_Well, I expect you to do all of my homework."_

_Carol laughed. "Okay, deal."_

_Karen bit her bottom lip. "What are you going to tell Ed?"_

_She swallowed. That he **might** be the father? _

"_You've been sick since that night at his place, so if you were pregnant, I can understand the pillow thing."_

"_What do I tell Ed? We had sex once my second week at school, and I haven't seen much of him since. He's busy with classes, but he still finds time to see me every now and then. How do I tell him I'm possibly five weeks pregnant with his child?"_

"_Slowly."_

_She buried her face in her hands. "God help me."_


	18. All You Leave Behind

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

Carol entered the house, finding her dad, Daryl and Mom sitting on the stairs with worry on their faces. She felt her heart sink as she saw Amy pacing the second floor with enough tension to burn holes in the floor.

"What?" She set her purse on the table beside her. "What's happened?"

"Sophia's gone." Mom shook her head. "Paige too. We can't find them, and there's no notes."

"G—gone?" Carol stopped breathing. "Gone?! How can she just be gone?"

"We tried calling Maggie, but you have her phone," Hershel told her. "We tried calling Beth, but her phone's off. We were hoping you'd taken them with you this morning."

"Gone?" Carol repeated. "How can she just be gone? She was sleeping when I left and all of you were right there, so you tell me how she can just be gone!"

Annette hugged her. "Shh, we'll find her. It's all right. They couldn't have gone far."

Carol was shaking. "I have to find her. How long have they been gone?"

"About four hours. Daryl went upstairs to check on them and they were gone," Hershel explained. "We went to Shawn's house, to the Greene Leaf, and we tried calling you, but you turned the phone off."

"Four hours?" Her voice was soft, but high. "And no one noticed?"

"We thought they were sleeping."

"And Mag was out of bed when you went to check? Beth as well?" She looked between them, her eyes burning, and she pulled out of her mom's arms. "Maybe she left me a note. I'd know what to look for." She hurried upstairs, listening to Amy going off on somebody, and she went to her room. She tore it apart, looking for a note, looking for any signs of them leaving, but there were none. She had called the preschool to let them know Sophia wasn't coming in today, and they understood. Her family knew Sophia wasn't going to school today, so where was her baby?

Daryl hovered in the doorway, trying to find words, but he couldn't. He decided to say what he felt, "I didn't find nothing. I looked real hard, but there ain't nothing here."

"There may still be something here that you missed," she presisted.

"Mommy?"

"Paige!" Amy cried.

"Sophia?" Carol ran out of the room, seeing the girls at the bottom of the stairs with balloons and bags of multi-colored cotton candy, and Carol swept Sophia up in her arms. "Oh, thank God."

"What's wrong?" Paige frowned at how tightly her mom held her.

Beth closed the door behind her, pushing her sunglass up and frowning at the tears and worried faces. "What is it?"

"Where the hell did you take my daughter?" Amy growled. "And why?"

"I—I took the girls to the zoo." She looked at Carol. "You were gone, but they were up and hyper, so I took them out. I figured you both would want to be there if they went horseback riding, so...they chose the zoo."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Amy demanded. "She is _my_ daughter! You can't just "take her out"! Do you know who's out there?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want them to wake the house or break anythin'."

Carol kissed Sophia's head and set her down. "Mom, could you take the girls outside, please? We need a moment to talk."

"Sure." She took one of their hands and led them out the front door, asking about their day.

"What is wrong with you?" Amy was so upset. "Did you not see that I was attacked just last night?" She emphasized her injuries with her hand. "Did you not know that there are people who want to hurt me? Hurt my daughter?"

Beth lowered her eyes, silent.

"You should've asked me, Beth! God, we were friends in high school, but things have changed! You ask me before you take my child anywhere!"

"Amy, now calm down." Hershel set a hand on her shoulder. "Paige is all right. She had a fun day at the zoo."

"Yes, but I didn't know that for the four longest hours of my life." She took deep breath to calm herself, pushing all of the scenarios out of her mind. She was so glad that they were all false. Thank God they were all right.

"I'm so sorry for scaring you, Amy. I just thought they'd like to have fun after what happened yesterday."

"It's all right." She set a hand on her stomach, her heart returning to its pace. "I'm sorry I yelled. I'm sure you can understand how I felt. Just please ask me first."

"I will."

"I'm going to go check on them. Paige's never been to the zoo." She went outside to find them.

"I'm sorry, Carol." Beth stepped toward her. "You know I would never let anyone hurt Sophia or Paige."

"I know." She rubbed her arms. "I'm not...mad, honestly, but you have to ask. You're her aunt, and you can spend as much time with her as you want, but Paige is Amy's daughter, and after what happened yesterday with Tomas... You'll understand when you have kids of your own, sweetie."

"Sure, I will."

"Don't be rude, Beth," Hershel scolded.

"I'm rude?" She scoffed. "I took two scared little girls to the zoo to see the animals and have a good time, but I'm the bag guy? They had fun! They laughed and forgot about what happened at Amy's for hours! They were just kids, lookin' at animals and takin' pictures and makin' jokes! How was that wrong? No, tell me how it was wrong, because all I know is they wore the biggest smiles today."

"You took her daughter and mine without permission."

"I was only going to keep them for an hour, maybe two, but I didn't want to see their fun end. I keep an eye on them, and I didn't let anyone near them."

"How would you like it if I took your daughter out for hours and didn't tell you the day after a man attacked you in your home?"

"I don't know. Ask me when I have a child. Don't hold your breath."

Carol grabbed Beth's wrist when she tried to walk away. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Are you stupid now? It means you'll die before I have a child."

"You love kids. Why would..." she cut off. "You can't have kids?"

"No, I can't. Are you happy now?" She jerked her wrist free. "You get a beautiful little girl, a college education and Daryl who is still so desperately in love with you that he won't even look at another woman, even though it kills him to be around you, and you know it. And now you've dragged the darkest secret I have out of me. Is there anything you don't get?" She went to her room.

Carol looked at her dad. "Should I...?"

"No. I'll talk to her." He followed Beth's path up the stairs and to her bedroom.

She had no idea Beth couldn't have children or that Beth secretly hated her. She needed to talk to her once she'd calmed down. Dad would calm her down, and Carol would seek her out later. Until then she and Daryl and Sophia had unfinished business. She just hoped what Beth just said about his feelings towards her didn't come back up, because she wasn't ready for that talk. She wasn't even ready to tell him about Ed, but she had to tell him. She needed to be able to say "Fire" and have him know it meant it burn down this life and take Sophia somewhere safe. She had to keep Sophia safe, no matter what. And if Daryl was her father, it gave him more reach to strike the match.

"Let's go find Mom and the girls." She held the door open for him.

"Carol, wait."

"Hmm?"

"I... What...er, I said last night..."

"You were upset, I know. Don't worry about it."

His eyes fell to her hands. "Merle told me."

"I'll heal. We can talk more about this later. Right now, we have to find Sophia." She looked over the farm. "I bet Mom took them to the stable. Sophia and Paige both love the horses. Let's try there first."

He slowly nodded and fell into step with her as they headed to the stable to see if that's where Annette, Amy and the girls were. They found them petting the horses, Annette was saddling one of them, and Amy was talking to Paige, smiling and looking over the items Beth had bought her.

"Mommy." Sophia ran over to them. "Can we go horseback riding too? Grandma said I had to ask."

"Of course we can horseback riding." She bent down, tucking hair behind her ear. "We'll do it before lunch, maybe have a picnic down at the dock, just the two of us. Or the four of us."

She frowned. "We can't go now?"

"No, we have to go into town for a little bit today. I think it's been put off enough." She took Sophia's hands. "On the way, you can tell me about the animals and the zoo, possibility share some of that cotton candy."

Sophia giggled. "Okay."

"Okay." She rose. "Go with Daryl, I'll be right there." She waited for them to leave the stable before she walked over to Amy and Paige. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." She watched Annette and Paige for a moment. "I just panicked. I just—I don't know that Andrew won't come after her. Once Tomas thinks something's his, he's determined to keep it, even if that means killing it just so no one else will have it."

"It sounds like you know Tomas more than you'd like to."

"He thought he owned me after we slept together, but I proved I wasn't property, and he didn't like that. He sent asshole after asshole to make Merle pay for our relationship and to possibly impress me, but once was more than enough for me. It was worst thirteen seconds of my life."

Carol snorted.

"Looks like she's ready to go." She stepped toward Annette and Paige. "I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah." She walked backward then turned and joined Sophia and Daryl in this truck. She climbed inside, pulling the door closed and making sure Sophia was strapped in before Daryl pulled out. She listened to Sophia tell her about the zoo, and Carol could tell that Beth had done a lot to ensure they had a good time. She felt really sad for Beth. She was such a great person with many talents and charms, and that ended with her. What Carol wouldn't give for Beth to have able to have children of her own.

––

"You said town!" Sophia protested. "Not hospital!"

"I know, but we're just here to do a test." Carol struggled.

"No! I hate needles!" She gripped the seat even tighter.

"Daryl, help!" She pulled on Sophia's waist, but she didn't want to hurt her, so she was just holding Sophia, really.

He reached over and tickled Sophia in the same spot he used to tickle Carol, and she squirmed, giggling, and Carol pulled her out of the car. "There." He smirked at Sophia's glare. "It ain't gonna hurt."

"I hate needles," she grumbled.

"It's just cotton, I promise." She closed the door with her hip and followed Daryl inside. She passed Sophia off to Daryl, who wasn't that clumsy with her much to Carol's surprise, and she spoke to Lilly briefly. She waved Daryl over as Lilly left. "She'll be back in a minute."

They took a seat, Sophia sat in between them, no longer glaring as she watched TV; Carol ran her fingers through her hair, her heart racing in her chest at the thought of Sophia's true father, and Daryl chewed his bottom lip, trying his best not to really think about the possibility that Sophia might not be his. After that night...how could she not be his? Then again he really didn't want to think about Ed touching Carol in anyway. It made his blood boil at the thought of another man touching Carol.

– – –

_Daryl came home to find Carol cooking for the first time in a long time_—_even though she'd been doing better and going to classes and even talking to him, she still ordered out almost every night. She said she was going to cook his favorite dinner as congratulations, and she meant it. It was the best kind of surprise. He was so happy to see her feeling better. She looked like her old self, just a little lost._

_She turned around, offering him the smallest of smiles. She was working on something at the same time as cooking. Possibly work. He didn't want to ask, because he didn't to distract her. He just went upstairs and washed up, changing into clean clothes._

_She called him for dinner, and they sat down. It was so strange. She kept trying to make conversation, but the topics didn't last very long. He even tried talking, but he doubted she wanted to hear about cars and angry customers. She was trying, and so was he, but it was the first time in many, **many** months they'd eaten together. Normally, Carol would eat upstairs or she'd eat before he came home. Sometimes she wouldn't eat at all, and he worried, but he knew he didn't have to worry for much longer. Well not as much._

_Carol had done her hair, even put on makeup, and he could smell her perfume from here. It was barely noticeable, but it was there. She wore a dark red top with a black skirt that, when her legs were crossed, showed her thighs. She'd gone through a lot of trouble for tonight, especially since she was busy with work and paying off school fees. She had done all of this for him when she didn't have to, when they had a really great party at T's. She wanted to congratulate him privately, just the two of them. It brought a small smile to his lips. Annette was right. Everything was going to be all right. _

_He set the plates in the sink, helping her put the leftovers away, and she thanked him. He saw something behind her eyes, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. He searched those illuminating blue oceans for a long time, and she didn't look away, even when he could see she wanted to. "Uh, sorry." He averted his eyes. "I gotta get up early tomorrow, get some parts, so I'm gonna go to bed. Dinner was real good. Thank you, I really appreciate that you did this." He leaned down and tentatively placed a kiss to her cheek._

_She cupped the back of his neck with her hand and pulled him closer, turning her head so that her lips touched his, and he tensed for a moment, very stunned. She pushed up on the tips of her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck, her mouth molding to his, her tongue and lips coaxing his mouth open, and he gripped her hips, longing for her touch._

"_Touch me," she said, as if reading his mind. "Please." She could sense he was holding back, because he was afraid he might hurt her or scare her or something like that. She didn't want him to hold back. She wanted him to let it all go and just be with her tonight. She didn't want to think about the past or the future, just right then and there in his strong arms, caught in his loving gaze._

_His hands were under her shirt, very hesitant, and she shifted her hand to one of his, guiding it up her torso to her breast. He sucked in a sharp breath to discover she wore no bra, and he lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his thighs, her hands in his hair. He could feel her need, and it matched his own. He wanted her so much, but he didn't want to rush her. He didn't want to make her cry or feel cornered. He wanted to show her he loved her and was here for her, but slowly._

_She slid down so that her feet were back on the floor, and she unbuttoned his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. She met his eyes, smiled at him and kissed him, her arms around his neck._

_**Can you leave a light on for me**_

_**The spaces solidify**_

_She moaned softly, tossing her head back, the feel of him inside of her was overwhelming. She was trying to be calm and just let him find his release and let him be with her one last time, but it was so hard. She was lost in her thoughts, and she couldn't find her way out. She just wanted this feeling to stop. She had no words to describe this feeling that had been building up inside her since last night, but she wanted it to stop._

"_Daryl," she moaned._

_**Sleeping with your eyes wide open**_

_**As black as the darkest sky**_

_She stared at nothing in particular in the darkness that covered the room, Daryl was sleeping behind her, his body warm against hers, but she felt so ice cold. She had reveled in that moment—making love to him for hours, taking in his scent, holding his hand, stroking his hair and planting light kisses to his forehead and his lips—because it was the last moment like this they would ever have. _

_Daryl shifted behind her, his hand slipping down her hip, his forehead resting against her back, and she read the time on the alarm clock and slowly sat up. Glancing back at him to make sure he was out cold, she gently moved his arm from her hip and setting it on the bed. She grabbed the bra and panties she'd hid earlier that day out from under the bed, slipping them on. She looked over her shoulder at him as she lingered in the doorway._

"_I love you."_

_**Can you feel the whole world shaking**_

_**Running but your lungs are aching**_

_She tiptoed down the stairs, grabbing the t-shirt and jeans from the laundry basket on the chair, slipping into them and shoving her feet into nearby tennis shoes. She tugged a hood down over the t-shirt, knowing she'd need it to cover her tear-stained face when she got on the bus. She slid the door to the island back where she had put all of their pots and pans, gently pulling her duffel bag out. _

_Okay, time to leave the junk behind. She set her car keys on the counter along with her cell phone and the divorce papers, her hands shaky as she silently sobbed._

_Just go. He doesn't need you here. Just go, Carol. Let him be free._

_**Can you feel the whole world shaking**_

_**I'm breaking **_

_**Inside**_

_She closed the front door, grateful that T-dog had gone out of his way to stop the creaking noise it made whenever anyone opened it, gasping loudly. She covered her mouth with her hand, hurrying down the driveway. She grabbed her suitcase from her car, locking the door manually and closing the door soundlessly. She waited for the taxi she'd called earlier that day to come and take her to the bus station, trying to stop the pain, but it was like fire, burning hot and rapid, consuming everything in its path. She wouldn't have anything left when this was over._

_She had to be brave. She had to be. Daryl was starting to make something really great of himself, and he would only do that if she wasn't there. He felt the need to hold her hand as she found her way back, and she couldn't drag him down. She refused to let him sink with her. He was a good man in a storm, but...she wasn't going to let him do that for her. She had to find her own way back, and she couldn't do that here._

_She wiped her eyes with her sleeve, her shoulders shaking as she gasped in breaths, but the tears wouldn't wipe away. She was crying from the very depths of her soul._

_**Don't believe the lies**_

_**Your echoing heartbeat, echoing heart beats keeps your time **_

_She set her suitcase in the seat beside her, telling the driver where to take her, and she kept her eyes out the window. She ran her fingertips over the locket Daryl had given her, and she closed her eyes tightly, the tears forming once again, and she pulled her hood up, stifling her sobs with her hand. She wasn't sure if she'd ever recover from this, but she had to try and let Daryl have the very best of everything. He would find happiness again. He would._

_She was pretty sure she wouldn't. Daryl was her everything, and she didn't want anyone to take that place in her heart. She would keep him close in her memories, but that was all. She wasn't coming back. She couldn't do that to him. Leave one night and only to come back some many years later. No, she wasn't going to do that. She couldn't hurt him anymore than she already had, so she would let him heal and pray every day he found happiness. He deserved that._

_**It's crashing lately, your echoing heartbeat, echoing heart beats**_

_**Is all you leave behind, all you leave behind**_

_She found a seat in the back of the bus after putting her suitcase and duffel bag away, pulling legs in and hugging herself tightly. She buried her nose in Daryl's hoodie, the scent comforting her, and she sniffled._

_The bus pulled out, and she smiled to herself, silvery tears shimmer in her eyes. This all started with a bus, and that's how it ended too._

_**Is all you leave behind, all you leave behind **_

– – –

Carol watched Lilly swab the inside of Sophia's cheek, grateful that Lilly had done Daryl's in the lobby so Sophia didn't see. She wasn't quite ready to explain why they were getting their cheeks swabbed. She was going to do what Daryl had suggested: say it was for a genetic disease. When she was older, possibly ten or maybe twelve, Carol would tell her what happened. She just hoped Daryl was the father, because she didn't want Ed's sickness to grow inside Sophia's soul.

Sophia ran her tongue over the inside of her cheek. "What now?"

"We wait." She stood up. "Let's go meet Daryl in the lobby."

Sophia clasped her mom's hand. "Why is Daryl here?"

"He drove us."

"Well, yeah, but why? You have a car."

"Daryl's a friend. Besides, I thought you liked Daryl."

"I do." She pursed her lips. "Is he with you?"

"He's with us both." She saw Daryl getting something to drink, and she walked over to him.

"Are you with him?" Sophia asked again. "Like the people in the stories you read to me?"

"What did Shawn tell you about Daryl?" She bent down.

"Not much." She met her mom's eyes. "Is he my dad?"

"Sophia, why do you think he's your dad?"

"Because... look here." She rolled her sleeve up and showed Carol her birthmark that rested on her forearm. "He has one like this too."

"So do I." Carol held her hand up, the back of her hand facing Sophia, to show her the birthmark.

She rolled her eyes. "In the same place, Mommy."

Carol sighed. "Just give me a ten minutes, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll tell you when ten minutes have passed." She picked her up. "Well, she has my brain, for sure. She's figured us out."

Daryl paused in offering her a can of soda. "She knows?"

"Are you my dad?" Sophia asked.

"I said ten minutes," Carol told her. "I know you can't tell time, but it's barely been one minute."

She sighed.

Daryl looked at Sophia. "I hope so."

Carol's eyes flickered to his. "Me too."

Sophia looked from her mom to Daryl. "Do you love him too?"

"Sophia." Carol groaned. "Stop, please."

She laughed as her mom blushed, burying her face in her daughter's hair.

They returned to the lobby, Daryl handed Carol the grape soda, and she drank half of it, letting Sophia have the other half, and they waited, watching some crime show. Sophia swung her legs since her feet didn't touch the floor, and she noticed her mom peeking at Daryl then Daryl peeking at her mom. She didn't mind sharing her mommy, just as long as Daryl kept making her mommy happy.

She slid off the chair and threw the empty soda can away.

"Nervous?" Carol saw Daryl about to chew his bottom lip off.

"Tsk, yeah." He released his lip. "You've been a mom since she was born, and any minute, I could be a...dad."

"You've always been a father," Carol reminded him. "Ethan just is in our hearts and our minds."

He frowned. "What?" She wouldn't even say his name before and now she's talking about Ethan like he's there with them. What the hell happened to make her say that?

"Never mind." She blushed, embarrassed for saying that. She accepted Ethan's death. She'd faced it when she went to see Daryl, and after talking to Sophia and visiting to his grave...she was beginning to understand it all now. "Dr. Subramanian." Carol stood up as did Daryl. "Do you have the results?"

"Yes, I do." He glanced between them. "You seem terrified."

"Just...tell us." Carol crossed her arms, glancing over at Sophia, who stood by the trash, watching.

"But this is the fun part." He smirked as Daryl and Carol tensed. He opened the file, looking it over with agonizing slowness. "Well, it's a girl, but you know that. Now, is Daryl the father? That you do not know."

"Caleb, don't be an ass." Lilly took the file and looked it over, exhaling a sound that was astonished. "Well, Daryl, I have two words for you."

He swallowed hard.

"Congratulations, Dad."

"What?" Carol and Daryl both breathlessly exclaimed.

Lilly almost jumped back. "Daryl's the father. It's a perfect match."

"Holy shit." Carol pushed her hair back, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders.

"Do you need some water?" Caleb held out a bottle of water. "A chair, perhaps? You look faint."

"Do you need to sit down?" Lilly asked, agreeing that Carol was looking quite pale.

"No, I'm okay." She slowly smiled. "Daryl's her father?"

"Yes." Lilly crossed her arms. "He's the dad, you're the mom. Do you want me go into detail on how that happened?"

"No," Carol and Daryl groaned in unison.

"Good. Our job is done here. Let's go. They have talking to do." She handed the file to him, and they left.

Carol turned to Daryl. "Are you hungry?"

For the first time, no, Daryl wasn't hungry. He was a father. He had a little girl who was adorable and happy and healthy. He had a daughter who he knew only two things about, and he'd missed four years of her life. _Five_ years, he'd missed **_five_** years. She was going to be at his house most of the time since Carol was still working on it, but now that he knew for sure Sophia was his, he could help Carol raise her right. Damn...what the hell **did** that make him and Carol?

Carol drove them to a diner to get something to eat and to talk to him. She ordered since Daryl was still letting the fact that Sophia was his daughter sink in, and she waited until he was blinking again before she spoke, watching Sophia as she looked at the jukebox in the corner of the diner.

"I'm glad she's your daughter," Carol confessed. "You have no idea how happy I am that she's your daughter."

"I kinda figured she was, but knowing it..." He shrugged. "It's weird. A damn good weird."

"Now that we know she is, I want you to know you don't have to do anything. You don't have to pay for anything, and you don't even have to be involved with her. You can just be a friend of the family...who happens to be her father..." She searched his eyes. "I don't want to force you into anything."

"You ain't. I wanna be there, involved in her life, and I wanna help out."

"I don't want your money, but I'd love your time." She tucked hair behind her ear, feeling a fluttering in her stomach. She'd never felt so relieved in her life. She smiled happily and set her hand over his. "I love you, Daryl. You're the best man I've ever known."

He dropped his head, embarrassed, half-smiling. He loved her too, but it wasn't in the same way. He was still in love with her. How could he not be? It'd only ever been her, and now that he knew Sophia was his...was theirs...it only made him want to be with her more. He didn't want another man to be with her, and he didn't want another man to try and be Sophia's father either, but their relationship was over, wasn't it?

Sophia climbed into the booth. "Can I call you Daddy?"

Carol dropped her head onto the table.

"You don't have to." Daryl shrugged.

"I want to." She smiled wide at him then turned to her mom, eyes narrowed. "You lied."

"I lied." She lifted her head. "I'm sorry."

"You owe me a ten dollars."

"What?!" Carol exclaimed. "Ten dollars? For what?"

"You lied to me, so that's a dollar in the jar."

"A dollar, yes."

"And nine more for other lies. Daryl's not a friend, and that test and—"

"Keep it up, and your birthday will be a lie too." She crossed her legs.

She glared.

"Be proud, Daryl. She has your glare."

He snorted. After all they'd been through, this girl was the product. He wouldn't change a single thing, because he might not have gotten this beautiful, intelligent, charming little girl with his eyes.

––

"I need to talk to you," Carol sat in Daryl's truck, Sophia asleep with her head in Carol's lap, and she met his eyes. "It's really important."

He nodded. "All right."

"You know what happened with Amy and Merle and Tomas, right?"

"Yeah, he told me."

"Well, Amy has nowhere to live now, and I was hoping...really hoping...you'd take her in."

"Carol," he protested.

"Please, Daryl." She gripped his hand. "I am begging you. Please let them stay with you until she's back on her feet. I will do anything. I mean it—anything. Please."

He groaned low in his throat.

"Please. They can't stay here, because Patricia and Otis are moving in, and I don't want the two of them to end up in a homeless shelter. Don't do that to them. Please." She searched his eyes. "What if it were me and Sophia?"

"You're a damn vixen," he told her. "Fine, but you owe me. Big time."

She smiled. "Anything." She hugged him. "Thank you so much for this!"

"You owe me dinner."

"Okay. I'll make something really delicious, and Sophia can h—"

"No, just you and me. I'll take you out."

Her heart skipped a beat. "Just the two of us?"

"Yeah."

"Will...this be a date?"

"No. Nah, no." He paused. He wanted it to be a date, but he wasn't going to push. He was still handling on the fact that he had a four-year-old daughter. He was proud, but scared shitless. "No."

She smirked. "Okay then." She picked Sophia up. "Have a nice night, and drive safely."

"Give Amy your key."

"Thank you for this, Daryl. You don't know what it means to me."

"Get inside. It's late. Kid's tired, and somebody's gotta help Amy move."

She smiled. "Good night."

"Night." He watched her go inside, and he pulled out, smiling to himself.

– – –

"I'll put her to bed." Amy held her arms out. "I already put Paige down."

Carol saw Beth in the kitchen. "Thanks." She gently handed over Sophia and caught Beth. "Hey, wait."

"What?" She looked at her. "What do you want? To talk? 'Cause I don't feel like it."

"Well, I wanna talk to you. You're my sister, and I want to talk to you."

Beth could see Carol meant it, and if she was ever going to accept the fact that she was never having kids, she needed to talk about it. She needed to work through her anger. It was starting to cause her pain like the twisted blade it was. She didn't want to be mad at Carol, but Carol was a frigging wrecking ball. She just didn't want to see Daryl suffer anymore, or her parents or her sister and brother. Carol was staying, so the anger had to leave. "Then talk."

"C'mere." She clasp her elbow and guided her into the den, where they sat on the sofa. "Tell me everything that happened. When did you find out?"

Beth began to recall the day. It was one that she would never forget. Carol was listening so intensely that Beth didn't feel the need to hide anything. She wanted to talk about it, and she was glad that Carol listened and comforted her. She was upset that Ed had put his hands on his sister, but she was happy that asshole drove Carol back to them. They were a family again, and everything would work out the way God planned it to. She believed that.

– – –

"Are you sure 'bout this?" Daryl asked, watching Carol climbed onto the washer to fix a leaky pipe.

"You said I could do this, and I want to."

"I can do it myself," he told her.

"Are you saying because I'm a girl I can't do this?" she shot back.

"No, 'course not." He crossed his arms. "Girls can do this, Amy can do this—_you_ can't do this."

"Oh, relax. I can do this."

Sophia sat on the steps, watching her parents try to fix a leaky pipe. "Are you sure, Mommy?"

"Guys, I'm on it, okay?" She continued turning the wrench until it stopped leaking, grunting. "There. I got it."

Daryl was about to speak when the pipes began to rumple and one burst, Sophia screamed as water shot at her, soaking her clothes, and Carol winced at the sounds behind her. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. Son of a bitch. She thought was she doing so well too.

"Sophia, upstairs now!" Daryl grabbed Carol by the waist as a pipe fell down onto the washer, and he held her close, watering splashing all over them.

"What the hell? Are you guys breaking the—?" Amy looked downstairs, holding Sophia as she ran into her arms. "Oh, my God!"

"Shit." He turned and pushed Carol towards the stairs.

"I'll call a plumber." Amy grabbed the phone and went to get towels for them.

"I am so sorry," Carol apologized to Daryl. "I—I didn't mean to do that."

"Damn it." He peered down the stairs. "We always wanted a pool, though."

She laughed. "Yeah, we did."

Amy returned with towels and the plumber on the phone, Sophia had to change into a set of Paige's clothes, and Carol had to find...something. Amy was her size, but all of Amy's clothes were either winter clothes or too short on Carol—Amy was mostly legs, after all. She might just have to wear one of Daryl's shirts as a dress. Geez, this sucked, and God, was it embarassing.

"Plumber's downstairs." Daryl tossed his wet shirt into the tub, leaving him in a wife beater. "You find somethin'?"

"No." She dried her hair. "I feel like an ass. I am so sorry."

"Don't worry 'bout it." He sat down on the edge of the tub. "Floors will be spotless after this."

"How can you be so calm? Your basement looks like we should start collecting two of everything."

"I got money, Carol. I know this guy, so I can work out a payment plan. Shit happens."

"I still feel horrible. Next time, you're doing it all." She removed her shoes and unbuttoned her top, stepping into the bedroom and she slipped on her wet pant leg. "Ah!"

Daryl didn't make it in time to catch her, but he did make it in time to see her stomach. He lowered himself down beside her, setting a hand on a scar that ran along her side. "What the hell?" He looked at it as she pushed herself up, and he saw more scars on her back. "Shit, Carol."

"I doubt you'd buy a car accident."

"Carol," his voice was dark, but concerned. "What the hell is this?"

She sighed. "We need to talk, but let's change first."

"Uh, I got some of your clothes in our old bedroom." He helped her to her feet. "Shirts you didn't take with you. Pants too, probably."

"You didn't throw them out?"

"No." He grabbed a shirt from the closet and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door.

"Hmm." She walked down to their old bedroom and found the clothes he spoke of. She changed into a knee-length, lacy white dress since it was hot today, and none of her pants fit anymore. She didn't have any belts either—she'd taken them with her that night. She _was_ too damn skinny. You'd think with all of the food she'd eaten here, she would have gain some of that weight back. If Patricia started cooking, she'd definitely gain the weight back and then some.

She even found a pair of calf-high boots that still fit. She wondered why Daryl kept these clothes and shoes after all this time. He could've donated them to charity. Did he think she would come back? Did he not want to disturb their bedroom? Or did he just not want to touch anything of hers?

The bedroom light flicked on, she spun around and found Daryl behind her, and he sat on the bed. She closed the door and sat beside him, crossing her legs and glancing at him. She wasn't sure how to do this. She didn't want him to feel guilty for not coming after her. He didn't need to feel guilty. He always felt guilty, especially over things he shouldn't. He was such a good man, but they were her mistakes, and she paid for them. She was still paying.

She cleared her throat. "You said you didn't believe that Ed just died?"

"I know there's more to it than that, yeah."

"There is." She met his eyes. "Ed...uh... Well, he... Gosh, this is so difficult."

"It's all right." He reached over and set his hand over hers. "Just tell me." He already knew, but he wanted her to talk about it, and he wanted to know of if he ever met Ed, he would know whether to shoot him in the ass with a bolt or beat the shit out of him.

"He...physically and sexually abused me for umm—for years, and I left because he started to look at Sophia with whatever sickness was growing in his soul."

Daryl studied her face, just listening, but his eyes were scorching.

"I didn't let him touch her. I would never let him touch my—our daughter," she explained. "That's why I left..."

– – –

_Carol set the groceries down on the table, tossing her keys into her purse and running a hand through her hair. In about five months, it was going to be Sophia's fifth birthday. Carol wasn't sure she could take it much longer. They'd been married for four years, and Carol had been the hospital more in those four years than she had been in her entire life. How many more times could her doctor buy her "falling down the stairs"? _

_Carol felt the phone she had bought in secret buzzing in her shoe against her ankle, so she grabbed it and went out on the veranda. "Karen?" Carol glanced back at the house to make sure Ed wasn't coming into the kitchen._

"_Hey, Caro, I have a surprise for you."_

"_A surprise?" Carol was too tired for a surprise._

"_I got you a car. It's shitty, but it'll get you where you need to go."_

"_Oh, Karen, no. I'm not going to run. He's...an okay father, and he provides for her. I'm not going to force her to go hungry and—"_

"_Carol, he's going to kill you," Karen hissed, no longer sitting back. She was tired of just saying "okay" and "all right" when Carol gave her reasons why she was staying. She needed her to hear what Karen was saying. "I know how men like Ed are, and he will **kill** you. Do you understand that? When you're dead, who do you think is going to take your place?"_

_Carol closed her eyes, the warm wind blowing at her face as she tried not to cry._

"_Sophia, that's who."_

"_I have to make dinner."_

"_Don't hang up. You need to hear this."_

"_It's late, and roast takes time. Goodbye, Karen." She hung up and slipped the phone into her pocket, drying her eyes. She took a deep breath and went to put the groceries away. She heard something strange coming from the back of the house where their bedrooms were, and she frowned, setting the orange juice on the table. Sophia was supposed to be at her grandmother's tonight. Ed said he was taking her over there. Sophia was going to spend the night along with Penny. Carol made those plans with Victoria a week ago._

_She walked down the hall and opened Sophia's bedroom door. She found Ed and Sophia inside. "Ed, you said you were taking her to see—" She cut off when she realized that Ed wasn't reading Sophia her favorite story, which was strange, because Sophia was crying. She usually cried when the story was over, because it was so sweet. She had a soft spot for happy ending._

_Her stomach fell at the look in Ed's hollow, blue-gray eyes. It said he could and might kill her. She didn't like how Ed held Sophia, his knuckles white. What had Carol done that made him so irate that he went to her daughter who he loved so much and who looked just like her?_

_**He will kill you**... Who do you think is going to take your place? **Sophia,** what's who. "What the hell are you doing?" Carol shouted, feeling something snap inside of her._

_His eyebrow twitched, he blinked twice then stood up, dropping Sophia onto her bed like a sack of potatoes, not a breakable four-year-old girl. "You're back. Good." His voice was tight, angry._

"_What the hell were you doing to my daughter? Did you hurt my daughter?" Carol hissed, trying to get to Sophia, who was crying even more._

"_Oh, **your** daughter?" He backhanded her into the wall. "She isn't even mine now?"_

"_Mommy!" Sophia wailed._

"_Oh, shut up." Ed kicked her bed, and Sophia whimpered, grabbing the sheets._

"_Sophia, go to the living room." Carol pushed herself up. "Go, now!"_

_She ran out of the room with big tears in her eyes._

"_Get out," she hissed. "Get out of my house! Get out of my life!"_

_He grabbed her by her throat and slammed her into the wall, holding her so that her feet couldn't touch the floor. She dug her nails into his hand, drawing blood, but he wasn't feeling any pain."This house isn't yours," he growled. "This life isn't yours, bitch. Everything you are is **mine**."_

_She kicked her feet wildly, desperately trying to hurt him to get his grip to loosen._

"_Do you know how easy you have it? I work my ass off, and all I ask from you is you do every little thing that I say. It's not that difficult, but you can't even do that."_

_She couldn't breathe, and she knew tonight was the night. She couldn't delay any longer. She couldn't keep lying to herself. Ed had hurt Sophia, and God only knows what else he was planning to do if she hadn't come home when she did. There was no turning back; there was no halfway._

_He choked her harder, belittling her, and she felt tears burn in her eyes as black spots began to cloud her vision. It was strange the first person who came into her head was Daryl. What would he have done? He would've shot Ed in the ass with a bolt then beat the shit out of him. Daryl and his crossbow...his trusty weapon. If only she had a weapon... Wait...Sophia's dresser! _

_She knew the dresser was only a few inches away, and so was the crystal horse Ed bought Sophia for her fourth birthday, so she slowly slid her hand toward it. If she could just distract him, she could reach the horse, bash his head open and get them out of there. She just needed to grab it before she fell unconscious. "You—bastard!" she managed. C'mon, Carol. Just a little further. Reach, goddamn it!_

"_You fucking cunt. Do you really think I haven't gone to other women?" His eyes were glaring, so focused on her face, which made inching easier. "You couldn't satisfy a handicapped. Whoever the fuck you were with before is damn lucky. That sorry son of a bitch is probably glad to be rid of you."_

_She reached, feeling the horse's head brush against her fingertips. She grabbed the head of the horse tightly and bashed it into Ed's head as hard as she could. He cried out and dropped her, his hands flying up to the bloody wound on his forehead. _

_Carol fell on her knees, gulping in air, and gripping her throat. She climbed to get feet and went over to him, slamming the bottom of the horse into his head, knocking him unconscious. She didn't waste any time. She tossed the horse down, ran out of the room, her legs shaking. She grabbed her purse and Sophia and bolted. She held Sophia tightly and ran into the darkness and away from Ed._

"_Mommy?" _

"_Shh." Carol glanced back just once more. Rot in hell, you bastard._

––

_Carol pounded on Karen's grandmother's door that night, panting and weak in the knees from what just happened and having run halfway across town. She was too terrified to get on a bus, and her adrenaline was burning too high for her to stop moving._

_Karen invited her in, and Carol told her what happened, smoothing down Sophia's hair. Luckily, Karen and her brother, Noah, were spending the week with her sick grandmother, and Milton was away on business, so Ed wouldn't find her tonight. She was safe; Ed didn't know about Karen's grandmother._

_Karen told Noah to draw a bath for Sophia. She was shaky and wet and her usual pale face was red from crying._

"_I didn't know where else to go."_

_Karen hugged her and kissed Sophia's forehead. "Noah, could you make some tea, please?"_

"_Why do I ha—?" He looked at Carol and shut up. "The bath's almost ready." He disappeared into the kitchen._

"_I'll dig out some clothes." Karen rubbed her arm. "Go and bathe her."_

_Carol carried Sophia to the bathroom, closing the door behind them, and she set her down, unbuttoning her shirt. "It's okay, baby. We're safe, okay?" Carol scrutinized Sophia's face when she didn't speak. She was pale, her eyes were studying the floor, her entire body still, and tear stains ran down her little rosy cheeks._

"_It's just you and me, baby. We'll be... Oh, my...God." Carol saw the black and yellow and purple bruises all over Sophia's little torso from Ed's grip. "Oh, my God." She looked at Sophia, but she didn't say anything, just sniffed. "What happened?"_

_Still nothing._

"_You can tell me anything, Sophia. Anything." She set her hands on her cheeks. "Look at me, please."_

_Her eyes lifted up toward Carol for only a second, and she didn't even look at her, just her necklace. Still she said nothing._

_Carol swallowed tears. "Let's get you cleaned up. You'll feel better, and we can talk, yeah?"_

_Sophia remained silent as Carol bathed her, and she didn't even want to hear any music. Carol was worried, but there were no other bruises. She knew Ed hadn't molested Sophia, and if he was going to, Carol walked in it before it happened, thank God. She just wished Sophia would talk, tell her what happened, but Sophia didn't say anything. She wouldn't even look at her mom._

_Karen had found a nightshirt that would work as a nightgown for Sophia in her old bedroom, and Carol let Sophia dress herself to help Karen with the tea. She made hot chocolate for Sophia. She hoped Sophia would at least take a sip of it. She made it the way she liked: with milk and whipped cream._

_They returned to Karen's old bedroom, Sophia didn't want any hot chocolate, so Carol set it on the nightstand. She sat down behind Sophia and combed out her wet shoulder-length hair._

"_What am I going to do?" Carol combed gently through the tangles as Sophia clutched Dee Dee. Carol was so glad that Sophia had left it in Karen's car the day before when they went to the park. _

"_Take that car and run." Karen was very serious. She'd been watching this take place over the past few years, and she wasn't going to be a whisper in her ear anymore. She was going to be a shout. No matter how many times she tried to convince Carol to leave, no matter how many times she wanted to tell the cops, she knew she had to let Carol see how bad her marriage was for herself. She just wished it hadn't been so bad, hadn't taken so damn long. Whatever Carol was scared of, she was scared of it more than Ed beating her to death. "Stay the night, and I'll make you breakfast and lunch to-go. I'll take you to that car after, and you need to just go."_

"_Go where, Karen?" _

"_I don't know. Home, maybe. Back to Georgia."_

"_I—I can't."_

_Like hell! "Fine, just run aimlessly and hope you find someplace safe." She tried not to be pissed off, but Carol was being stupid, so stupid. "I need to check on my grandma. Excuse me." She left the room and went to see how much train tickets were. She could pay for them in cash since that rat bastard probably froze her accounts, and she didn't want to leave a trail for Phillip to find. She was going to cover her tracks, possibly send one of Noah's friends down there. Ed didn't know Noah, but if Ed or Phillip were to look, she wanted to make sure the person couldn't easily be traced back to them. Noah couldn't do it, but he had a pretty plain friend who had a crush on her. She could easily sucker in him without him asking too many questions._

_Carol exhaled deeply, setting the comb down beside Sophia's mug of hot chocolate, and she saw Sophia's shoulders began to tremble. "Sophia?" Carol turned her around. _

"_I'm sorry, Mommy." She looked so sad. "You got hurt..."_

"_No, you have nothing to be sorry for." Carol pulled Sophia into her arms, holding her tightly. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you."_

_Sophia cried, digging her fingers into her mom's shoulders. "I don't wanna go back."_

_Carol tried not to cry, but those words broke her down. She was supposed to keep her safe from everything, and she thought she was, but there was a monster at home. She'd exposed Sophia to that bastard, and Sophia may never forget this. She had been tainted by that bastard just as Carol had been, even if they were only bruises and possibly hushed words, but at least Carol could comprehend it. Sophia was so young, and she didn't understand. Why didn't she just leave when she had the chance? Why didn't she just leave after the first time?_

_Carol held Sophia long after she cried herself to sleep, gently stroking her drying hair, and Carol glanced up as Karen came back into the room. _

"_Do you have a gun?" was the first thing out of Carol's mouth._

"_No, but I know a guy. He'll have one that's perfect for you—if you don't mind a little trading."_

"_Good, because the next time I see that son of a bitch, I'm going to kill him."_

_Karen couldn't help but smile. "Hallelujah." Carol almost smiled. "Can I get an amen?" She hugged Carol tightly by the shoulders, and Carol was glad she had Karen. She would probably be dead, because Ed would've caught her by now. _

"_I love you, Karen." Carol gripped her arm tightly, feeling the tears in her eyes again. _

"_I love you too, Carol." She released her. "And I have a plan."_

_Carol knew about Karen's mother. She had been beaten to death by Karen's step-father, and Karen got him put in jail for life. Karen refused to let that happen to anyone else, so it wasn't surprising that she had a plan. Carol was grateful for it. "So, what first?"_

_Karen lowered herself down onto her knees beside the bed, capturing one of Sophia's feet with her fingers. This was the hard part. She'd known Sophia since she was more portable, and Carol since she was a freshmen in college. It felt like forever ago."Well...um, we have to say goodbye, for your own good. At least for now."_

– – –

"Did he touch her?" Daryl growled.

"No. I went to see Karen's family doctor about the bruises sometime before I came here, and Sophia told me what happened. He was just squeezing her really tight—any tighter and he might have broken a rib—but...I think he was going to."

"He choked you and hit you?"

"Yes." She couldn't look at him.

"And it took you five goddamn years to leave him?"

"He made good money, Sophia was taken care of, and yes, he abused me, but I—" she trailed off, seeing the disgust in his eyes.

"Money? Money? **Money?!** You stayed with that bastard for money?"

"Sophia was healthy and happy. She wanted for nothing." She shook her head. "I thought she was safe, and I could take it."

"He shouldn't have put his hands on you!" Daryl screamed at her. "Are you stupid? Your ass shoulda been on the next damn bus out there the minute he even _lunged_ at you violently!" He'd never been so mad in his life. His entire body was on fire, and he wanted to find Ed and castrate him and beat his ass into the ground. He wanted to hang him up in the middle of the woods by his pecker and leave him to the animals. He wanted to skin him alive. He wanted to **bury** him alive, but right now, he needed to deal with Carol.

She wiped at her nose. "I'm sorry."

"You don't gotta be sorry." He exhaled deeply. "Carol, it wasn't your fault."

"I was...obnoxious and—and so needy—and—"

"No, you ain't. He just—got into your head, made you feel like...make you think...you deserved the abuse." He grasped her hand. "You didn't."

She shook her head, lowering her eyes. She wasn't sure anymore. She could play pretend with her family, but there was no hiding from Daryl. With him, she was stripped naked; her emotions and her thoughts laid out for him to see. It'd almost always been that way.

He cleared his throat to keep the searing venom out of his words, but it still came out in a hiss, "Did he...force you to have sex with him?"

She lifted her head and nodded, tears falling onto her legs.

He clenched his jaw. "How often?"

She shrugged. "Most nights. I learned to...go away when he—when he...wanted me."

He wrecked his hands through his hair, slamming his foot into the closet door, knocking the door off its hinges and making Carol to jump. "That motherfucker!"

A beat.

"I deserved it."

He looked at her with wide eyes. "What the hell did you just say?"

"After what I did to you... I wronged you in the worst possible way, and I expected to just get move on after, like nothing—"

"No! No, you didn't!" He climbed onto the bed. "Carol, you didn't deserve any of that."

"Daryl, look at you! I hurt you deeply! I just left in the middle of the night, and I didn't even have the guts to tell you why, I just left! I never wanted to divorce you! I loved you so much, and I abandoned you! How could I do that and not deserve what Ed did? You were everything to me, and I—and I..." she sobbed, unable to talk.

"No." He pulled her into his arms, holding her with an unbreakable grip, rocking her. "Shh, it's all right. Shh." He smoothed her hair down, his eyes burning at how well that bastard convinced her that everything was her fault, that she deserved every hit, very word. He squeezed his eyes shut, and he rocked her gently. He would find this fucker and make him pay for what he did, but he could see that's not what Carol wanted or needed. She was all that mattered right now, and he was here for her. Always. "Shh, baby, I'm here."


	19. My Signature Move

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

Daryl held Carol in his arms in their old bed, she had stopped crying, and they'd talked. She told him about all that Ed did to her, and he told her about Mason and his abuse. They'd never had this conversation before. They understood each others pain too well, but Daryl had never felt closer to her. He also felt a burden lift off his back, and Carol felt so light, so light she thought she might float away. It had been too long since she felt like this.

He felt her still in his arms, and he wondered if she fell asleep—or perhaps she was just enjoying the scared simplicity of him by her side. He could only hope. He loved being so close to her, feeling her skin against his, smelling the shampoo in her soft hair, and when he opened his eyes, she was right there, and it felt like the miles between them never existed. Holding her...was something he could do for the rest of his life.

He heard Amy calling to him, so he gently pulled his arm out from under her head, replacing it with a pillow, and he gripped her shoulder to lifted his shirt out from under her, and he placed a kiss to the bare skin of her shoulder, not really thinking about it.

He headed downstairs. "What's the damage?"

"Your pipes are shot," Tod replied. "I mean, the whole system's gonna have to be replaced. What you need is a full copper re-pipe job."

"That sounds pricy." Amy crossed her arms.

"As you've helped me out on many occasions, I'll cut the price in half and give you a discount on top of that." Tod rewrote the price on the invoice. "We'll get to work right away."

"Thanks, Tod." Daryl took the invoice. "Amy, you pay rent?"

"I can."

"Well, put it to this instead." He showed the bill to her.

"Holy crap!"

Paige walked over to them. "What? Is it bad?"

Daryl eyed the little girl again. She'd been here for two days, and Daryl kept trying to figure out why she looked so familiar to him. She had Amy's face, but there was something behind that innocent face and the pink and white dresses. He had a feeling this kid was a Dixon, and that meant Merle and Amy shared more than a drug problem. He really didn't want to think about Merle and Amy in any way that created this kid.

"No, I have...some money saved up, so I can pay half." She bit her bottom lip. "You don't mind us staying here, do you? 'Cause from the look of this, we may be here awhile."

Sophia looked over at them, and he sighed. "No, I don't." He wasn't going to throw them out, especially since Paige was Merle's kid. Damn, Merle would shit bricks if he knew about her.

"Where's Mommy?" Sophia set the colored pencil down.

"I'm here." Carol came off the steps. "How is it?"

"Bad." Amy showed her the price.

"I'll just go sell everything I own, excuse me."

"I got it." Daryl leaned against the couch. "Just can't fix the house now."

"I can help pay," Carol argued. "I can ask Dad for the money then work it off at the Greene Leaf."

"Don't worry 'bout it. I let you try and fix the pipe when I shoulda let Sophia do it."

"Oh, ha ha. Excuse me for not being savvy with tools."

He smirked. "I'll remember that."

Amy glanced between them then turned and smiled at Sophia. "Oh, I see."

"See what?" Carol narrowed her eyes at her.

"Nothing." She shrugged. "I'm going to the store to pick up some food since Daryl doesn't know what that means. How do you manage to live in a house with only beer and what I hope is bacon in the fridge?"

"Don't eat here much." He shrugged.

Her brows furrowed then she shook her head. "You coming, Paige?"

"Sure."

They left for the store, Carol lowered herself down beside Sophia to see what she was coloring, and Daryl gathered the tools from counter to return them to T. He locked the door to the basement, not wanting one of the girls or a drunken Merle to accidentally fall in thinking it was the pantry.

"Do you hear that?" Sophia looked around.

"Hear what?" Carol listened.

"A kitty." Sophia walked through the slim hallway that lead to the backyard, and on the other side of the sliding glass was a short-haired, gray and white kitten, crying its eyes out. "Aww, Mommy, c'mere."

Carol went to her and opened the door. "How adorable." Carol picked the kitten up. "It's one of Jeanette's, right?"

"Yeah." Daryl looked over the runt. "Probably got out when she left."

"It's been out all day?" Sophia frowned. "How sad."

"She must be hungry." Carol turned to Daryl. "Do you have anything?"

"I'll check."

"Can I see her?" Sophia asked.

"Hold on." She closed the door and returned to the kitchen, kneeling down and showing Sophia the tiny kitten.

"She's so cute." Sophia stroked her sort fur. "Can we keep her? Pretty please?"

"No, it's Jeanette's, Sophia."

"She's sellin' 'em," Daryl informed her. "Ten bucks with collar. Somethin' like that."

"Oh, pretty please?"

"Dad doesn't like cats, and she could get lost on the farm." Carol shook her head, but she totally wanted to keep the kitten. It was so precious.

Daryl set a saucer of milk on the floor. "Fuzzball can stay here."

"Really?" She set the kitten down and it went to the milk. "You'd do that?"

He nodded.

"Thank you!" Sophia hugged him. "Thank you so much, Daddy!"

Carol smiled, using her index finger to pet the kitten. "She'll need a name."

"Florence," Sophia suggested.

"No."

Daryl tried to pet the kitten, but she smacked his hand, drawing blood with her claws. "How 'bout Ass Kicker?"

Carol laughed. "She's harmless. She probably thought you wanted to played. Your sleeve's unbuttoned, so she probably tried to swat that, not you." She grasped his hand finger and squeezed it tight, drawing more blood. She grabbed a tissue from counter and wiped the blood away, looking into his eyes. She was going to say something witty, but when she looked into his eyes, nothing came to mind. She felt that draw to him, and she knew she had to look away.

"Bella," Sophia said. "Hey, she likes it." Sophia giggled at the kitten climbed onto her lap and licked her face.

"Bella it is." She lowered her eyes to Daryl's bleeding finger, blushing. After what just happened upstairs, she knew, but she wasn't ready for that just yet. Was she? It was Daryl, but there were still things she needed to put together before anything happened. If anything happened.

– – –

"Hey, Carol, spar with me." Maggie caught her on the stairs.

"I can't. Period. Crippling cramps." She held her stomach, gripping the banister. "Oof, the pain."

"Lair."

"Yes, but I have a call to make, so you'll have to excuse me. Next time."

"I'm holding you to that."

She drove to the payphone and called Karen. She was worried when Karen didn't answer, so she tried again, but still she didn't pick. She had to know Karen was all right, so she did something pretty damn ballsy: she called Noah. She learned that Milton and Karen were away on business then they were coming down here next week. She thanked him and went to Daryl's. The girls were in school, so maybe Amy wanted to talk or something.

She used the key Daryl had made for her after she gave hers to Amy, and she opened the door, finding Amy stretching. "Going for a jog?"

"No." She met Carol's eyes. "I...was going to...uh, dance."

"Oh?" Her brows rose. "Don't let me stop you. I just came to see if you wanted to talk or go window shopping, but I can go."

"No, join me."

"Are you joking? Me? Dance?" She laughed. "Please be kidding."

"I'm not." She gestured to the room. "Who's going to see you?"

"God."

"Well, I'm sure He's seen worse. C'mon, it'll be fun."

"The only dance I can even work is the one Andrea, Lori, Maggie and I did senior year for the talent show, and I was in the back. It was for a good reason."

"I taught you guys that your—what? Sophomore year? Trust me, I can teach you it again. C'mon, it'll be fun."

"You won't stop bothering me until I agree, will you? Gah, fine." She removed her jacket and set it on the couch along with her purse. "If you laugh, I'm leaving."

"Loosen up. I won't laugh."

"Uh-huh."

They stretched, loosening up, and Amy flipped through a playlist. She chose a random song just to see if she could feel what she used to feel what she danced. Carol didn't move, and Amy closed her eyes. She wasn't sure if she was still that person anymore. She wanted to be. She'd lost so much of herself that year, and she wanted to get some of that person back. She needed to clear her head and just have fun for once. No worrying, no stress—fun.

"Let's try that dance."

"Sure."

They began to dance to the music, slowly remembering a dance that belonged to two teenage girls who no longer existed fully. They still managed to have some fun with it, both of them messing up, and Amy kept wondering how she came up with the dance in first place. She just moved with the music, and eventually, her body began to remembered what her mind forgot. She remembered why she loved dancing, and the rest of the world fell away.

She could remember her first performance. Her parents let her take ballet when she was young, and she was the best in her class, so she got a solo. She was so proud of herself. She went out there and dance her heart out, moving with the music. They were practically one, and she got a lot of applause. When she went to meet her parents, she found only Dale and Andrea. Her parents were busy, tied up at work. She was so upset, but Andrea told her it didn't matter. She and Dale saw, and they'd tell everyone how amazing she did. She was still upset, because she'd worked her ass off for her parents to see that she _was_ good at something. There was always next time, and with every next time, a piece of her heart died.

Carol watched Amy in awe. She could dance to just about anything, and she made it look so easy. She was so talented. Carol watched her perform once, and she was blown away. She said so many words with her dancing, and the pianist that accompanied her was perfect. They complemented each other so beautifully. She'd never cheered so hard in her life, only Andrea challenged her and won, because that was her little sister who had nailed it. When Amy got into dancing, that was it. Nothing else existed. Carol hadn't found something like that for herself, but maybe one day.

Amy opened her eyes. "I have an idea."

"Do tell."

"You know exactly what I'm thinking."

"...What? I have no idea what you're thin—No!" Carol blushed. "I'm not doing that!"

"Oh, come on. Andrea taught you it, yeah? It's not trashy...behind closed doors. It'll be fun."

"That's what your mom says before she takes you to the dentist. "Oh, we'll skip school," she says. "It'll be fun," she says. Lies." She folded her arms. "Besides, my body doesn't bend like that."

"Please? I will love you forever."

"I. Hate. You." She sighed. "At least Shawn won't walk in and stare at Lori and Andrea."

"True." She found the song. "You know, Shawn reminds me of a puppy sometimes, especially when his hair's long. He's just so hyper and playful."

"Do I sense feelings for my brother?"

"_So_ not my type."

"What, are you Dixon-sexual now?"

"Are you?"

She huffed, "Let's just do this."

She glanced at her. "You ready?"

"No, but let's do this while I still have the nerve."

"You never have fun, do you?"

"I do have fun."

"When you're painting a room or cleaning?"

"Okay, I'm boring. I thought you knew that."

She laughed. "You have a great body, work with it."

"Now I'm self-conscious."

"I'm serious. You have an ass, use it."

"Stop talking about my body."

"I bet Daryl would appreciate my advice." She stood up, and it began to play.

_**So, so, so scandalous **_

_**You know you wanna sing with us**_

_**That's why you know you should be scared of us**_

"Excuse me? You do not mention Daryl."

"You want him. It practically pours off you."

"I do not pour off...Daryl want."

_**You know you wanna sing with us**_

_**That's why you know you should be scared of us**_

"Cute. That should be a perfume name. Carol Greene presents 'Daryl Want'."

"Put your moves where your mouth is," Carol shot back.

"Gladly."

_**Last night looks to kill**_

_**Straight talk sex appeal**_

_**One touch gives me chills**_

_**And we ain't even close yet**_

Amy started first, and Carol glared, her words biting into Carol more than Amy knew. She didn't want to want Daryl, but she did. She wanted to be friends more, because a friendship was easier than a relationship. She wouldn't have to worry about breaking his heart again, and he wouldn't have to worry about her leaving in the middle of the night with their daughter and never coming back again. Part of her knew she and Daryl would never be _just_ friends. She didn't know about him, but she would be in love with him until it killed her. They were already fighting, and they'd keep fighting. They'd screw, they'd hate each other and love each other until it made them quiver. Love wasn't simple; it wasn't brains. It was blood. It was blood _screaming_ inside them to work its will.

_**Ruffneck all around**_

_**Ain't been all over town**_

_**Show me how you get down**_

_**'Coz we ain't even close yet**_

"Scared?"

"Are you? You say I want Daryl, but I've seen that look in your eye when you talk about Merle."

"Don't," Amy warned. "Our relationship was parasitic."

"And yet you look like a fangirl when you talk about him."

"Oh, don't even! You pant over Daryl."

"At least we were married, and at least I'll admit that I'm still in love with him."

_**You got me feeling and you got me feeling weak**_

_**Listen as I speak 'coz I'm careful as a freak**_

_**You got me going crazy and you know I can't sleep**_

_**I love watchin' your moves and you hypnotize me**_

Amy glowered. She didn't want to talk about her relationship with Merle. It wasn't good for either of them. They just used each other for sex and for drugs, and no matter how good they were, it wasn't worth it. Paige is the only part of that fucked up mess of a relationship that was worth it. She wasn't going to go back to Merle just because he was the father of her child. That didn't mean anything. She had no intentions of ever telling him. He was a sperm donor, and that's all. If Carol thought she was in love with Merle or ever was in love with Merle, she was wrong.

_**You got me trembling like a little baby girl**_

_**You're so special, you're like diamonds and pearls**_

_**You got me spinning and you got me in a twirl**_

_**Your my number one, baby and you've come to rock my world**_

"You call that dancing?" Amy smirked. "Floundering."

"Well, try me."

"Roll your hips." She showed her. "Oh, for the love of God, just follow me."

Carol laughed and aped Amy quite well. They were mad at each other from their comments, but at the moment, it was all a part of the fun. Carol couldn't remember the last time she just danced. She knew the last time with friends. She used to dance when she cleaned, and then Shawn would walk in, bust out laughing like the jerk he was, and she'd chase him through the house with the broom. She also remembered the time when Daryl had walked in on her rehearing for the spring talent show their senior year.

– – –

_She pulled her hair up, closing and locking her door. She was not having any of her siblings walking in and seeing her do this. She would die of embarrassment if they saw. She was glad her parents had to work and couldn't make it. She was also so, so, so grateful Andrea had put her in the back. She would seriously die if she was in the front, looking at the entire student body just watching her._

_She played the song, imagining where everyone was in her mind, and she recalled the steps. She knew them by heart, but she pretended to not know them all so Andrea wouldn't put her in the front. She had confidence—in bookwork. She wasn't the type to just jump out on stage and dance in front of the entire school student body. She only got suckered into it because Lori was on a senior-year-make-memories kick, and she wanted to perform in the talent show with her friends, because she hadn't performed in one since she was in fifth grade. She twirled batons and almost fell off the stage. That was the easy part. She almost killed the teacher by tossing one in the air, and it knocked the light free. Mr. Perry wasn't the same after that. He flinched every time a light flickered._

_She hated the one part of the dance that involved a lot of hip movement. Amy had been studying belly dancing, and Andrea wanted to incorporate some of that into the their dance as well. She almost made them wear the outfits, but **thankfully,** all their moms said no. They had to have either pants or leggings. Since it was a talent show, they could bend the dress code, but only a little bit. Andrea and Maggie were going to buy the outfits, because they broke school dress code on a daily basis. She was surprised they didn't get in trouble. She suspected the principal liked the view. He was a creepy little man._

_She turned and found Daryl with his head titled in the windowsill, and she blushed. "Daryl!"_

_He smirked. "Am I interrupin'?"_

"_N—no. No, of course not." She crossed her arms, her face on fire. "Please, stop looking at me."_

_He stepped into the room. "It wasn't that bad."_

"_Lair."_

"_It's true." _

"_How much did you see?" She bit her lip._

"_Most of it."_

"_I'm in the back, so no one will see me. Hopefully." She sighed a whimper. "I could always run off stage."_

"_You'll do great." He sat on her bed._

"_Aww." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You're only saying that because I'm your girlfriend, and you want in my pants again," she mused._

"_Well, yeah." He pulled her down to her bed, kissing her, and she protested against his mouth. He broke the kiss, smirking at her. "Nice top." He ran his thumb over her belly button._

"_It's a sports bra."_

"_Even better." He slipped his fingers underneath it._

"_Daryl, stop, that tickles." She squirmed, giggling. "Daryl." _

_He kissed her throat. "You should do that more often."_

"_Squirm?"_

"_Laugh. I like the sound."_

_Oh. She smiled at him. "You should smile. You have such nice teeth."_

"_No."_

"_Please? Just give me one full smile, with teeth."_

"_No."_

"_One day," she promised, "I will see your smile."_

"_It ain't today." He kissed her._

"_Watch the hands."_

"_Your door's locked."_

_He knew her too well. "But my parents are home."_

"_They left a couple minutes ago to pick up some stuff from the store with Beth, Shawn's at a party, and Maggie's takin' peaches to the Greene Leaf."_

"_I don't have anything," she whispered. "I forgot my pill today, because I was running late, and I didn't want to miss my test in first."_

"_I got one."_

"_Oh? You do? What, do you carry one around just in case I'm in the mood?" she teased. "Or do you assume I always want you?"_

"_I grabbed it off Shawn's floor to cover his ass so Annette wouldn't flip out like she did last time. Figured we could use it."_

"_How sweet of you. Nah." She slipped off the bed. "I need to practice." She turned to him. _

_He growled low in his throat._

_She laughed and climbed onto his lap, kissing him slowly. "Give me five minutes then I'm all yours."_

"_You're always all mine," he murmured against her lips._

"_Yeah, I am." She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Always."_

– – –

_**You're dangerous, just get it off, the way you move so scandalous**_

_**It's all about the two of us, a one night stand just ain't enough**_

Amy set her hands on Carol's hips and adjusted her shoulders. "You just need to pop your hips." She stepped back and held back at laugh when Carol tried. "If you learned this, your future lovers will totally thank me."

"Don't touch me."

"Hold on, try this." She laughed. "Just like this."

"I am doing that!"

_**I need some stimulation, baby, a little conversation maybe**_

_**You got me spinnin' round like crazy, there goes my baby**_

"You look like you're trying to break your hip. Hold up." She set her hands on her hips again and moved Carol's hips. "You've been holding back on me."

"Shut up!"

She laughed.

The front door opened without them noticing, the sound of keys hitting the floor caught their attention, and they found Merle and Daryl in the doorway, staring with their mouths open. Amy couldn't pass up that opportunity.

_**Scandalous, so scandalous, scandalous**_

Amy wrapped her arms around Carol's waist, "She's mine now, Daryl. I'm not really sorry about it."

"Keep her," Merle quipped, only a little serious. "Send me tapes."

Daryl glared at him and picked up the keys. "What're you doin'?"

"Dancing." Amy released Carol, turned the music off and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"You're dancin' again?" Merle asked.

"Maybe." She took a drink of water. "What have you two been up to?"

"Stuff for the cat," Daryl answered. "Litter box, litter, food, a decent collar with an I.D. tag."

"Speaking of the cat, where is she?" Carol just noticed she wasn't around.

"She's passed out in the middle of Daryl's bed." Amy set the bottle of water down. "Why she likes the smell of oil and earth, I'll never know."

"Shit, I forgot to grab a scooper for the litter box." He really didn't want to go out again.

"I'll pick one up. I have to pick up some tape and rulers anyway."

"What for?"

"Shawn. He's painting the nursery tomorrow maybe. He's been putting it off. I'm helping." She grabbed her jacket and purse. "I might as well get it now. I'll pick up the girls on my way to work. Dad won't mind them hanging around for a few hours, and they could learn how to make scones."

"Thanks." Amy shifted her weight. "I really appreciate you doing that."

"Thank, Beth. She's a godsend. Goodbye, Amy. Merle."

"I'll go with you." Daryl caught her at her car. "I needa talk to you."

"Sure, we can talk on the way to the store."

They got in the car, Daryl waited until they were down the street before he even considered asking, and Carol glanced over at him as he chewed his bottom lip, thinking. She wondered what he was going to ask her. They'd cleared the air about Ed and Sophia, so everything was all right now. There was no tension, just..."Daryl want" on her end. God, that's what she'd associate her feelings for him with from here on out. Damn it, Amy.

"Paige," he finally blurted. "She's Merle's, ain't she?"

"Yes, she is." It wasn't as if Amy told her not to tell Daryl.

He nodded. "She looks like him. Sorta."

"She acts just like him. She's so protective of Sophia and Amy. It's really sweet."

"Does Merle know?"

"No, he doesn't. Amy doesn't want him to know, so don't tell him. Let her."

"Will she?"

"...no."

He shook his head. "I can't."

"Daryl, you have to!"

"He's my brother. I don't like keepin' shit like that from him."

"Oh, you've done this before?"

"Tsh."

"It honestly wouldn't surprise me."

"No, I ain't ever done this before, and I don't wanna do it now. Just tell him."

"Excuse me? What? Me? Me tell Merle he has a five-year-old daughter? Hell, no!"

He sighed. "Let's talk 'bout somethin' else."

"Sophia's birthday is in a week." She turned left, glancing at him for a moment then back to the road. "Beth's planning it for both her and Paige since Amy couldn't afford a party for her. It's a surprise for them both, so we need to keep them busy while Beth sets it up."

"Does Amy know?"

"I doubt it. Beth loves to see that look of surprise on people's faces, but Amy hates handouts, so I'll tell her. She'll probably feel bad about not being able to give Paige a birthday party, but this way, Paige gets a surprise and a party."

"Merle should know."

"Why? Why should Merle know?"

"He's her dad!"

"So? Will Merle honestly drop everything he's doing and help raise Paige?"

He was silent.

"I know you would want to know, but...you're not Merle."

"The hell does that mean?"

She didn't want to fight. "Nothing. It doesn't mean anything. Forget I brought it up."

"No, tell me." He looked at her.

"Merle is...vile and violent and inappropriate. He's not a good father figure either. He's too easily roused, and he likes the rush he gets when he hurts somebody." She felt like she was crossing the line. She didn't want to say it, but Daryl had to see that Merle didn't need to know. It wouldn't be a great experience for Paige or for Amy. "You're not anything like that. You're a good man, and you're so selfless and brave and—"

"That's bullshit! Merle should know. She's his kid too."

"Well, that's your opinion. Amy doesn't want him to know, so you've no right to tell him. Amy's her mother, and Merle is her father, not you."

He scoffed, slouching in the seat and turning his glare out the window. He knew she was right, but it pissed him off nonetheless. Paige should know she had a father. Merle a good guy sometimes, and Paige should get to know that. The only way she would is if Daryl talked Amy into telling, and he wasn't sure he could. Woman was stern, pigheaded. Hell, she was Merle with tits some days. It was no surprise Merle screwed her till he knocked her up.

– – –

"Girls, wait here." Amy caught up to Carol before she got the door. "Are you sure about this?"

"Beth put a lot of time into this. Don't break her heart."

She bit her lip. "Okay. Okay." She waved the girls over.

"What's going on?" Paige asked, holding Sophia's hand, who was pouting about her birthday being spent in the Greene Leaf doing homework.

Carol kicked the door to let Beth know they were there then dug her keys out. "Dinner with the family. Sophia, don't pout."

"You forgot, didn't you?" Sophia said softly.

"No, of course I didn't forget." She bent down. "I told you we were going to celebrate."

"Yeah, right." She released Paige's hand and took off running.

"Sophia!" Carol looked at Amy then ran after her.

"Oh, crap." Amy dug her phone out of her pocket and called Beth. "We have a problem."

Carol ran into the stable. "Sophia?" She looked into each pen, hearing sobbing, and she hurried to the end. "Sophia." She caught her breath.

"Go away!"

"No way." She dropped beside her. "Baby, I didn't forget your birthday."

"You're lying! You forgot! You didn't even say happy birthday to me this morning!"

"I'm so sorry for that. I worked a late shift last night, and I was exhausted. I'm sorry." She hated that Sophia thought this. She didn't mean for her to think this. She sort of thought that Sophia knew a little about the party, but Beth was stealthier than Carol thought. "Hey, I have a surprise for you."

"I don't want it!" She moved away from her mom. "I want Daddy!" She ran away from Carol.

"Sophia." She stood up and found Daryl talking to her outside the stable. She watched him talk to her for a few minutes then walked over to them, Daryl straightened up and nodded at her, and Carol held her hand out to Sophia.

She wiped at her face. "I'm sorry." She took her mom's hand with both of hers.

"It's okay." She smiled at her a little. "I do have a surprise for you."

Sophia returned it. "Even after what I said?"

"Yes. Let's go."

Sophia reached over and took Daryl's hand, and together, they walked back to the house. They went into together, both of the girls gasped in surprise, and they ran to hug and thank Beth. Before Sophia ran off, she moved her mom's hand into Daryl's, and they both looked down at their hands, almost immediately stepping back and releasing each others hand.

Carol blushed, walking away from him to hide it. "Beth, it looks amazing."

"Thanks." She was beaming from the look on Paige's and Sophia's faces. "I'm so glad they were genuinely surprised. Is Sophia all right?"

"Yeah. Daryl talked to her."

"What'd he say?"

"I don't know." She peered over at him. What _did_ he say? She wouldn't ask. He could have that little secret. Sophia might tell her later anyway.

"Smile or get out." Shawn took a picture of Beth and Carol. "Ooh, lusting eyes."

"Oh, shove off." She hit him playfully. "Where's your wife?"

"She got emotional when one of the kids offered her the last cup of juice." He pulled out a pocket-sized tissue pack. "I keep them with me all the time now."

Carol smiled. "Four months and a half now, yeah?"

"Yep, twenty-one weeks, I think. Panic is apart of my daily routine. It comes after I brush my teeth." He took a picture of Carl and Lizzie and Sophia while they weren't paying attention.

"Have they kicked yet?" Beth asked.

"Not for me, and not for lack of trying. I think my kids hate me already."

"Don't worry. I'm sure they're reserving their biggest kick for you."

"Ah, it's the comforting lies like that one that make my life perfection."

"Okay, Chandler. Go choke on your gum over there." Carol pointed a group of kids.

"That is so _not_ true." He took a picture of her with the flash on then walked off.

"That jerk." She blinked several times.

"I'm gonna go check on the juice. I hope they didn't drink it all."

"I'm going to try and find my child." Carol weaved through the little kids, smiling at Ryan and Rick, and she found Sophia playing with Mika and Patrick. She took one of Shawn's cameras and took a picture of them. They were so precious, and thanks to Karen, they had this chance.

– – –

Phillip unlocked the door to his house, Penny went inside to practice her routine for her dance class, and he argued with Martinez about evidence. He closed the door behind him, rereading the statement back to him, and Martinez began muttering in Spanish before agreeing with him on it not being valid.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Tell Eliza and Penny I said hi."

"I will." He hung up and noticed the door to his office was open. He walked over to it and found Ed inside. He narrowed his eyes. Ed didn't have a key to the house. How the hell did he get inside? "What are you doing here?"

"Liz let me in." He was staring at the whiskey in the glass in his hand. "Today is her birthday, Phillip. Five years old today." He met his brother's eyes. "And I don't even get to see her."

"I told you—"

"I know." He finished the remaining whiskey and filled the cup halfway. "Have you found anything?"

"No. We found two more bodies downtown." He tossed his coat on the couch. "I'll look into it very soon. Right now, I have to find this son of a bitch."

"You're not trying hard enough." He set the glass on the table. "I'm gonna call in Gareth."

Phillip paled. "Are you kidding?"

"No."

"If he finds them, he may kill them! You know he's unstable! Don't do this, Ed."

"Yes, but he's efficient!" He tossed the glass into the picture of Penny and Elizabeth Phillip had hanging on the wall. "Unlike you! You get to see your wife every goddamn morning and you get to tuck your little girl every single night!"

"Because I don't put my hands on them!" he shouted. "You may not want to admit it, but you are just like our father!"

Ed's eyes pulsated.

"Abusive! Alcoholic! Impulsive! You could've had a good life! You're too damn smart to let Carol twist you like this, brother. Forget about her, please!"

"No," he growled, his face blood red.

"Sophia will grow up and forget about you! In twenty years, you could be walking the street in front of her, and she won't know you from Adam! Let this go before it destroys everything you worked to get!"

Ed shook his head, disappointed in his brother. "You've picked your side, I see."

"Yes, I suppose I have."

"You'll regret this."

"And you'll regret chasin' after a woman who's gone! She doesn't exist, Ed. Let this go. As your brother, I'm telling you to let this go." He put his hand over his heart. "I'm telling you, Ed, to stop this insanity."

"I'll stop when that bitch feels what I feel, thinks the thoughts that I'm thinkin'. That's when I'll stop."

"You're a fool."

"And you're a coward." He stormed by him and out of the house.

Phillip ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head, and Penny peered at him, having heard the screaming and came to see what was wrong. He turned and found his daughter watching him. "Honey."

"Is that why I don't see Sophia anymore?" She searched his eyes.

"Yeah." He got down on his knees to talk to her. "Carol took Sophia and left."

"And you're not helping to find them?"

"No, baby, I'm not."

"Why not?"

"It's complicated."

She pursed her lips, trying to understand. "I won't get to wish her a happy birthday again, will I?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I miss Sophia."

"I do too."

She stepped back. "I have to practice. I want to do it just right before I show Mommy." She hugged him. "Thank you for the outfit, Daddy."

He smiled. "Well, you have to look the part."

"I look like a princess?"

"A beautiful princess."

She smiled. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too."

She went to her room to continue practicing, Phillip sat down and shook his head, wondering what Ed could possibly do now to make him regret not helping him.

– – –

Daryl watched Carol and Sophia take picture together, smiling inside at how happy they looked. He felt a twinge of pain knowing this was as close as he got. It was going to be rough, to be near her and to not have her. To watch someone else have her. He wasn't sure he could do it. He might have to be like Shawn: punch him in the face. Bob didn't even see it coming. If he did what he wanted to, he would lose Carol. He would just have to tolerate the distance.

"C'mon, we're about to cut the cake." Carol offered him her hand. "Sophia wants us to help blow out the ones she and Paige don't get. Beth went candle crazy too."

He clasped her hand and stood up, setting his cup on the table beside him, and they all crowded into the kitchen. Beth had made one massive cake at the Greene Leaf to fit the names and words. It looked and smelled delicious, and Shawn took a picture of it before it was cut into it.

Carol held Daryl's hand the entire time, and she only let it go to help Beth cut the cake after all the candles were blown out. They handed out cake, Daryl stepped into the background, and Carol kissed Sophia's cheek, wishing her a happy birthday.

She hugged her mom. "I love you, Mommy. Thank you!"

"Thank, Beth."

"She did." Beth licked icing off her finger. "But I'll take another hug."

Carol swiped her finger through the icing on Beth's slice of cake and wiped it on her nose. "Don't try and make my daughter love you more."

"Mature." She went to find a napkin.

"You know you love me," she called after her.

Sophia hopped up and went to Daryl, hugging him. "I love you too, Daddy."

He tentatively hugged her back, his hands so big against her back, and he pulled her closer. Their first hug was brief, and he didn't really hug her back, but he did this time. He gave her a small smile and watched her return to her cake and ice cream. He stepped out for some air.

Not a minute later, Carol lowered herself down beside him on the porch with a massive slice of cake and two spoons. "Here, Daddy."

He rolled his eyes. "Stop."

She smiled, turning to face his side. "Eat it or I'll feed you like a baby."

He grabbed a spoon and cut a piece away, eating it. "Gah." It was sickly sweet.

Carol scooped up the icing on her spoon and dumped it on her side of the plate. "There." She ate some of the icing. "If diabetes had a taste, I found it." She shuddered it down. "Those kids are going to have such sugar highs."

He smirked. "Glad Sophia ain't comin' home with me."

"Paige is," she shot back.

"Walked into that one."

"Yes." She set her spoon down and looked at him. "Karen's coming by next week."

"And that means what exactly?"

"Nothing—well, not nothing. It means something; it's really important to me. I thought you'd want to be there. If Ed has changed his habits or is trying to find me, she'd know." She also wanted her best friend to meet the man she loved.

"Bring her by my place."

"Okay."

"Hey, Carol." Maggie stepped out to the porch. "Mom wants a picture with you and Sophia then all of us."

"Oh, goodie." She climbed to her feet. "C'mon, Daryl."

"I ain't one of y'all."

Maggie and Carol exchanged a look then said, "C'mon, Daryl."

They met outside the house, all of the kids were petting the animals with their parents nearby, and Shawn told them where to sit and how to stand, letting Rick take the pictures. They did one of all the girls, all the boys and all the boys with Sophia. Carol loved it. They were holding her like she was a princess. It was so adorable. She was definitely taking two of those.

"Family picture. Let me." Glenn reached for the camera.

"Wrong way, Glenn!" Shawn called. "Over here by Mag."

"Yeah, over here." Beth pointed to the spot.

"And take the hat off," Annette added.

"I'll take it," Amy offered.

"We have a spot for you over here," Maggie said.

Amy saw the empty spot and glanced at Rick, who motioned for her to go on. She joined them, feeling odd about it. She hadn't had a massive family in years, just her and Paige. It made her smile to feel like she had someone to rely on.

Otis and Patricia squeezed into the picture too, and Rick had to step back. They were all related by blood, blood pacts, marriage and friendships. They were a family, different shapes, sizes and colors, but at least the holidays wouldn't be boring, and they were all together now. They would stay all together.

– – –

"Don't worry about it," Carol insisted.

Sophia was at school, so Daryl came over to talk about her birthday party yesterday. He felt really shitty about not getting her anything. He didn't know what she would like, and he didn't want to go out and buy something she'd hate. He wanted her to like it. He forgot to ask Carol what she would like to have for her birthday, and it was too late now. He'd missed four birthdays, because he didn't know _about_ her, and now he missed one because he didn't know _her_ at all. What father does that?

"I do." He sat in the windowsill, half in her room and half out of it, like before. "I didn't get her nothin'."

"I told her my gift was from the two of us."

"But it wasn't."

"She doesn't know that."

"But _I_ do."

"You're being too hard on yourself." She closed the space between them, arms folded. "It's not your fault you don't know Sophia very well. It's mine. Look, why don't we all go out sometime? We can go to the park or rise horses or something. You can get to know her firsthand, and then when Christmas rolls around, you'll make up for this."

"You... You're gonna let me see her on Christmas?"

"Of course I am. You'll have to come here, because I'll be too full of junk to move."

He half-smiled. Carol always ate holiday foot pass her stomach's capacity limit. "I'd like that."

"And we'd love to have you. You've always been apart of my family, don't be so shocked." She smiled. "Let's go to your place. I want to check on Bella."

"All right." He slipped into the room.

They went downstairs, Carol grabbed her jacket just in case it rained like it was supposed to all week, and she found her parents waiting for her in the living room. She glanced at Daryl, he motioned he'd be outside, and they called to her.

"Yeah?" She felt her stomach twist. "What's up?"

"Come in here," Annette gently demanded.

She sat down on the couch. "What is it?" She felt this was serious the minute she looked into her mother's eyes.

"We want to talk to you." Hershel was holding his wife's hand.

"Talk to me about what?" Her heart slowed way down, and she felt very, very cold. She didn't want to know if her mom was sick, that coming home and being here this past month and a half had only made her worse. She didn't want to know. She wasn't the oldest; Shawn was. He was supposed to handle all of this, and she just supposed to try and help him. She couldn't hear any bad news, not after last night and this morning. She was happy only a second ago, now fear crippled her, rooting her the couch.

"We want you to have dinner with us this Friday. We need to talk to you girls and Shawn."

"About what? You're scaring me." She looked from her dad to her mom.

"Just some shop stuff. Don't be scared, pretty girl." She set a hand on Carol's knee. "We need to work out some things, and we need you four here. We just need your opinions."

She exhaled deeply. "Oh, good. I thought something was wrong."

"Not with us, but with you." She narrowed her eyes. "You're hiding something."

"Well, look at the time. Bye." She shot up and left, practically pushing Daryl off the porch. "Let's go before they figure out my secret." She wasn't ready to tell them about Daryl, because she would have to tell them about Ed. She needed to tell them, just so they could be prepared in case Ed found out about her and them, but she wasn't ready. She probably never would be ready, but she was going to try to be ready. Maybe.

Daryl drove to her to his place, calling T to see if he was sure he didn't need Daryl, but he only got his voicemail. He was probably busy. Daryl needed to stop by after they checked on the runt. He hoped Merle didn't let the runt out, because Sophia would be crushed. She loved it more than anything else, and they hadn't even had it that long. She was so like Carol, but he was starting to see pieces of himself in her.

Were there pieces of Merle in Paige? He wondered how Merle would handle it, not that he was ever going to get the chance, which still ate at Daryl. Merle had a right to know, just like he had a right to know. "Look, Carol, 'bout Paige—"

"Not this again." She stopped on the path to the front door to face him. "She's not your child. Our opinions don't matter. Let's just on inside and talk about _our_ kitten, please. Or Sophia. Let's talk about Sophia. She really likes to d—"

"She's family to me, Carol," he interrupted. "She's my niece. I know I ain't her dad, but I am her uncle. I want her to know that. Since Merle's automatically a shit dad, the girl oughta have a shit uncle too."

"You're not a shit uncle. You're just...an uncle. Barely an uncle, technically, since she doesn't know."

"You know what I mean."

"You want to try and change Amy's mind, go for it." She turned and unlocked the door. "We'll go ask her right now."

"You ain't serious."

"That's her car. She's home, so let's go talk to her about it." She headed inside and toward the stairs. "After all, it's _her_ daughter we're talking about."

"Carol!" He ran after her.

"Look, we'll just ask Amy." She hurried up the stairs. "It's not a big deal."

"It's awkward as shit. She don't know I know, so just don't." He grabbed her as she neared the door. "Stop."

She opened the door and instantly whirl around to cover her eyes in Daryl's chest, and Daryl held her, unable to look away while she wouldn't look at all. It was like a horror film, only he would rather see guts and gore than see what was actually in front of him.

Amy was in bed, completely naked with the blankets around her hips, riding Merle. She gripped his chest, pumping her hips. When she heard the door open, she looked over her shoulder. "Oh, my God!" She covered herself, but Merle kept her in place when she tried to move off the bed. "Oh, my God!" She started blushing. "What the hell?! Can't you knock?!"

"We are so sorry." Carol held her hand over eyes. "We didn't hear anything, so we thought were you alone."

"She just stopped screamin'," Merle chuckled.

She slapped a hand over his mouth, glaring. "Shut up!" Her cheeks were on fire.

"Umm, we need to talk to you." Carol studied Daryl's shirt. "It—it can wait, though."

Merle moved Amy's hand. "If you two will excuse us, we have business to finish." He sat up, motioning for them to close the door.

Daryl pulled the door shut. "I need to gouge my eyes out."

"Uh-huh."

He guided her down the stairs and cringed at the memory.

Carol looked at him for a moment then whispered, "Is he seriously going to finish?"

"Knowing Merle, yeah."

"Gross."

About fifteen minutes later, Amy and Merle came downstairs, adjusting buttons and fixing hair. Amy pulled Carol into the kitchen while Merle dropped beside Daryl on the couch, and Carol could smell Merle on her, and she wasn't even standing that close.

"What the hell, Amy?" Carol kept her voice low. "You and Merle?"

"What?" She looked through the cabinets, trying to find something to eat that she didn't have to cook. "Okay, it looks strange, but it didn't mean anything." _Ooh, muffin._ She grabbed it.

"Oh, come on! He is the father of your child!"

"Shh!" she hissed then glanced over at them. They didn't seem to hear her; Merle wasn't unconscious on the floor. "He doesn't know, and it was just sex, all right?"

"It's Merle, Amy. What, you just happened to seek out the man who's child you had?" She kept her voice low. "The way you talked about him... I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't get hurt, because it _was_ just sex." She tore the muffin open, taking a bite and swallowing to continue the conversation. "Okay, let me put it this way: I have needs, and sometimes, I need a warm body against mine." She hoped Carol was understanding how it didn't mean much. "Merle...as repulsive as he can be, warms a body quite nicely."

"That's disgusting."

"Really? Then tell me about you and Daryl and that night on the island?" She took a bit of the muffin and Carol stared with confused eyes. "Maggie told me."

Damn the rules of the blood pact! "That's different!"

"How?"

"...It's not. At the time, it was very similar to this." She dropped her head. "If Daryl and I were to get back together, we would be a family, and we know where our relationship could go. What about you and Merle?"

"I'm just barely twenty-two, Carol. I'm not looking for a husband." She paused, swallowing hard. "I didn't mean for it to happen. It's not like I came downstairs naked and posed seductively."

There's another image she would never get out of her head.

"He just came over to see Daryl, but you two were out, so we started talking. One thing led to another, he had me against the wall, and I just didn't tell him no. It was just familiar, and...well, amazing, and I won't apologize."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm just...confused and so, so scarred."

"I'll apologize about that. I'll leave a note or a sock on the door next time." She devoured the rest of the muffin.

"Next time?" She groaned. "There's a next time?"

She tossed the wrapper into the trash. "I'm kidding."

"Have you never seen food before?" Carol asked as Amy looked for something else to eat.

"I'm just so starving." She bit into a granola bar. "We were alone for a long time..."

"Ew. Ew. Ew." She shuddered.

"Okay, I'm going to order a pizza. Do you want some? It'll probably be meat and cheese." She grabbed the phone off the counter.

"No, but thank you for the offer." Carol looked over as Daryl and Merle spoke, and she didn't see any seriousness or worry there. Daryl hadn't told him about Paige, but Merle definitely was talking about Amy. She wanted to hit him sometimes. Amy was a person, not a conquest. "Jackass."

Amy looked at her, and so did they, Carol averted her eyes and blushed. She did not mean to say that out loud. Amy quickly finished her order and hung up as Merle walked over to her, and Daryl got in between them. This wasn't going to end well at all.

"What'd you just say?"

"Nothing." She shrugged. "I wasn't talking to you."

"I'm not stupid, Mousy. Tell me what you said. Don't be a pussy."

"You know what, I called you a jackass." She pushed by Daryl. "Amy is not someone you can just play with! She's a person!"

"Carol—" Amy tried to shut her up, but Carol wouldn't let her.

"No! I know how he is, and I'm not going to let him talk about you like you're some sex object! She's a person, and a really good person at that, so just shut up!"

"Shut up? Is that supposed to scare me?" He glared. "I don't like you, Carol. You're a bitch who goes back on her word, and I hate people like that."

"Merle—"

"No, let him talk," Carol said over Daryl. "Yes, I am a bitch, and I did go back on my word, but at least I'll admit it. What about you? Will you admit that you left him too? Not only left him, you left a child all alone with a grown man who physically and verbally abused him! When I left him, he was safe! And I wasn't going to jail!"

"No, you were just goin' to screw around at college! Surprised you ain't got ten kids the way you move on! I'm sure you ain't that good."

"Your insults don't mean shit, Merle. I'm not a little girl who you can intimidate. I'm not scared of you, because you're just an asshole! No, you're not even that. You're just pretending to be a rude, vile man, because deep down, you're really just a scared little boy who's worried Daddy's going to come back and finish him! Sex isn't love, Merle, although we both know which you've gotten more of."

He did say anything, and silence filled the room. Amy wasn't sure what to say after all of that, and Daryl wasn't sure who he was pissed at more. And then suddenly, Merle started to just...laugh, and Carol stared, brows furrowed. He laughed deeply, like what she said was the funniest thing to ever be vocalized.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Carol glared.

"You don't hold back shit." He laughed. "I like that."

"What?" She looked at Daryl, trying to understand what just happened.

Merle went to the living room with a beer in hand, Daryl followed, and Carol stood there, still not sure if Merle was mad or happy or just swallowing emotions. Amy went upstairs to get her wallet, and she checked the time to see if the girls would be out of school soon. She stopped beside her.

"Carol, I know you mean well, but please don't defend me."

"I'm sorry. He just makes me mad."

"You don't know Merle, so don't judge him."

"Oh, and you do?"

"A little more than you."

"You can try and lie about it, but you still have feelings for him."

"You can keep saying that; it won't make it true."

Carol walked away, shaking her head and going to check on Bella, who was probably upstairs. Amy glanced at Merle, who was watching TV, and she remembered the one time she thought she loved him. Perhaps she did, and the drug just made it easier for her to say those words. She wasn't sure even to this day.

– – –

_She dug her nails into his shoulder, panting heavily, her bangs falling in her face, and she closed her eyes tight, feeling him still as he came inside her. She pushed her hair out of her face, and she looked over his face. _

_He was so beautiful to her. He has the deepest blue-gray eyes that held so much emotion, but he never let them really show. Only sometimes in the morning, he would wake up suddenly, short of breath, and she knew he had been dreaming about the abuse. He never talked about it, but she had seen the scars. Depending on the type nightmare, he would either wake her up and take her out for a drink or wake her up to have sex. She could tell the difference by now, and she knew when he wanted to have sex, the nightmares were really bad, because he was really rough. She knew he needed her those nights, even if he never admitted it._

_She lightly touched his strong jaw with her fingers, his stubble brushing her fingertips, and she ran her index finger across it twice then let her fingers drift down his throat, her hand laying on his chest. She dropped her head and kissed his breast, feeling his arm land on her the small of her back, his hand gripping her ass through the thin sheet. She felt his other hand land on top of hers on his chest, and she whispered three words she didn't mean to say._

_So quick had Merle shot out from under her, so quick had she regretted saying those words, and so quick was he in dressing. He was going to leave, wasn't he? She knew he would. He was the type to bail. Always had been. Could she handle being alone? Could she?_

_She hugged the sheet to her chest. "I—I didn't—"_

"_What the hell did you just say?" he demanded, his eyes wide, like a caged animal._

"_I—I love you." She looked up at him, feeling very small, very vulnerable._

"_You don't mean that."_

"_But—"_

"_Look, Am, you don't fucking mean that! You can't!"_

"_It was an accident." She tugged a shirt down over her, finding her underwear as he started for the door. "Merle, wait!" She tried to catch up to him, but he was gone. "Merle!"_

_She fell back into the apartment, her eyes burning, and closed the door, collapsing into a heap on the floor. No, no, no, no, no. _

_She pulled her legs to her chest. She didn't mean to say that. It was the ecstasy. She didn't even mean it. God, what was she going to do? Merle was all she had in the world, and after everything that they'd been through, that she'd been through...there was no way she could go back to a normal life, struggling to get by and working her ass off to pay bills. She couldn't even do that before she met Merle._

_She was truly alone. She didn't have a single person in the world. Her family would surely disown her, and even Dale wouldn't take her in. She wasn't a Horvath anymore. She'd stopped being one when she left the estate. What was she going to do? She couldn't just wonder the streets aimlessly; Tomas would find her and he would kill her, among other things. She had no qualifications that an employer would want. God, she hasn't even finished high school yet. What was she going to do?_

_She didn't move from that spot the rest of the day, and only when she fell over, jolting herself awake, did she move. She crawled over to the bed and lied down, burying face in the pillow that was rich in Merle's scent. She had to have a plan. Tomorrow, she would come up with a plan._

––

_She cleaned herself up, braiding her hair and putting on her best clothes, even going so far as to brush on some makeup. She only put on makeup when she and Merle went out, and that was rare. She didn't even wear makeup when they suckered in Tomas. She only wore makeup as a way to make herself appear older than she was so Merle didn't get in trouble for their relationship, not that it mattered. Merle knew the bartender, and he didn't care just as long as Merle paid._

_She left the apartment and went down the block to see the one man who could fake credentials like no other. He was the best at when he did. She didn't know how he manged to not get in trouble with the law, but she was glad he was staying here for a few days. She needed his help._

_She slipped into his building, finding him in the basement. She got through only because he knew Merle briefly. She didn't know how, and she didn't care. She needed him, and if Merle's name helped her get him, so be it. She didn't need the details._

"_Amy Elyssa Horvath," he said when she began to introduce herself. "I saw you."_

_She hadn't even seen the cameras on her way down here. "Well, it's nice to meet you."_

"_Call me Paul." He gestured to the cot beside him. "Sit, please."_

"_Paul?" She took a seat. "Is that your real name?"_

"_Nothing throws people like the truth."_

"_Let's cut to the chase."_

"_Please do."_

"_I need you to help me."_

"_I know that look." He chuckled. "He left, eh?"_

"_This isn't about him. It's about you and me. **I** need your help, so here I am." She was very serious about this, and she refused to let him try and change the subject. "I need you to...fudge some facts about me."_

"_What can I do for you? A fake I.D?"_

"_Cute. I need a high school diploma." She was going back to school, but just in case. To the rest of this little town, she was Horvath, so it would be believable. "And a college degree."_

_He smiled. "Why?"_

"_That's for me to know."_

"_It sounds like fun, but I don't do handouts."_

"_I can pay you." She could get money from her parents' banking accounts. They had so many, and one was for her. It was a college fund, and as they were expecting some up there college, there would be plenty. They wouldn't close it. They'd leave it there for Andrea, just in case. She would have to do some major sweet talking, but maybe it'd work. She was too scared her parents would catch her to do it before, but now she had no choice. "Tell me how much, and I'll have it by maybe tomorrow."_

"_Well, all right then. I'll get to work, and I'll see you tomorrow. If you don't have the money—"_

"_I'll have it."_

"_All right. Talk to Tito. If you want me to add anything specific, tell him."_

_She started to leave. "It's Amy Harrison."_

"_Yes, ma'am."_

_She talked to the man called Tito for half an hour, making sure it was worth it, and she left. She grabbed her purse from the apartment and was about to leave for the bank when Merle stumbled into the apartment, drunk and with company. She looked at the trashy slut who laughing beside him, and she clenched her jaw._

"_Merle." She tossed her purse down on the floor._

"_You didn't tell me you had a kid," the woman giggled. "She's cute."_

"_I am not his freaking kid," Amy seethed. "I'm his girl!"_

_The woman's brows rose. "A little young, ain't you?"_

"_My age doesn't concern you. Get out!" She pointed to the door, the venom in her voice so thick, and she knew her eyes were crazed. "Or I swear I will cut you!"_

_She backed up then dashed out of the apartment, the door shut behind her, and Merle just looked at Amy, somehow managing to stand up. She was so angry at herself for ever letting herself be with him, and she was livid at him. She just wanted to hurt him, but there wasn't anything in this apartment that would just hurt him, so her fists would do._

"_You're a son of a bitch!" She shoved him, and he fell against the door, his footing shitty. "You're such an asshole! You couldn't wait until I was gone?"_

_He came at her, she hit him to try and stop him, but he hit her back. He grabbed her, pushing her down onto the floor. She landed half on the floor, half on the bed, and she kicked him in the balls, climbing to her feet as he fell to the floor, his face red. She wiped her nose on her sleeve, wincing slightly at the burning, and she turned to leave, but something stopped her from leaving the apartment._

_She looked at him, walking over to him. "I don't love you, Merle. I don't know why I said it, but I didn't mean it."_

_He gazed up at her, silent._

"_There's a bucket in the corner, throw up in it. I don't want to come back to your vomit everywhere." She picked up her purse and shouldered it. "On second thought...go ahead. I'm not coming back." She grabbed her bag of clothes, stuffing what little clothes she had inside, and she left, closing the door behind her. She didn't look back once._

– – –

"_Thank you." Amy smiled at her new landlord who handed her the key to her new and somewhat crappy apartment. Okay, it was very crappy, but it would do for now. She looked around. Well, she had shitty furniture, but at least it was something to sleep on. She might be able to get a few hundred out of her account, but she wasn't going to push her luck. After the three grand she took for this new life, she wasn't going to push it. Hopefully, with this job, she might be able to afford decent food. Or take some from the cafeteria._

_She set her duffel bag on the couch and looked around at her very first home. She smiled to herself. This was a fresh start. No parents, no Horvath shadow looming over her, and most importantly: No Merle. She wasn't going back to him. She had to get clean. Luckily, she wasn't doing anything too addictive. She still had to talk herself out of going back to that shitty building, going back to him._

_She locked the door and sat down on the couch, opening her purse and pulling out a can of tuna. She had a six cans, a bag of chips, two one liter bottles of tea and fruit. It would have to do. She was so hungry. She wanted to just eat it all, but she couldn't. She would make this work. Somehow._

_She put the teas and the apples in the fridge, the chips on top of the fridge before returning to the living room and her can of tuna. Dinner of champions. Sad, pathetic, little champions._

_There a knock on her door, and she set the unopened can down, wondering if the landlord forgot to give her something, and she pulled the door open, her jaw falling open at the sight of Merle on the other side._

"_What the hell are you doing here?" How did he know where to find her? She had no one to tell she'd moved here, so how the hell did he find her? Was he following her now? _

"_Heard you got a place. I wanted to see it." He pushed his way into the apartment before she could shut the door in his face like he knew she wanted to do. "Nice, even has roaches."_

"_They're still better company than you." She crossed her arms, already irritated. "What do you want?"_

"_Tuna?" He poked through her purse. "You stealin' now?"_

"_No, of course not. Leave it be." She walked over to him. "Look, just go. I don't want you here, and I made it very clear our...shagging days were over, so leave."_

_He studied her for a moment. She'd lost weight, or maybe her pants were too big. Her face was so pale, and her eyes were to big in her face. It made him...pissed to see her like this. What the hell was she trying to prove?_

"_Let me take you to lunch, get some decent food in you."_

"_No."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because you just want to have sex with me. That's it. I know you, Merle, and the answer is no."_

"_Let me make you a deal."_

"_No!"_

"_You go to lunch with me, we talk, and we come back here...and you decide then if you want to hear what I got to say."_

"_So, you'll feed me for free?"_

"_Yeah."_

_She scoffed. "You're so full of shit."_

"_Look, Amy, I want to talk about you and Paul. Your deal with him."_

"_Jealous?" She smirked._

"_Tsk, hell no."_

"_Good. Leave. We're done."_

"_We ain't nearly done."_

_She groaned, annoyed. You know what? Screw it. "If I have lunch with you, are we done then?"_

"_Maybe."_

_That was good enough. "Fine, let's go have lunch." She grabbed her purse and followed him out the door, locking up. She chose a nearby diner, and he told her to order what she wanted. She wondered what made him so generous today. She didn't squander the opportunity to eat. She was starving, so she ordered what sounded good: pancakes with scrambled eggs, a cheeseburger with onion rings and fries and a chocolate milk, and she got a salad just to have something healthy. Whatever she didn't eat here, she was taking home with her. She knew she'd probably get through the pancakes and eggs, so the rest was tomorrow's dinner._

"_What, you don't want a steak while you're at it?"_

"_Oh, that sounds good. A steak too. Medium rare." She handed the woman her menu._

_He didn't order anything. "The hell you gonna put all that food?"_

"_In my fridge for another night." She crossed her legs. "So, you wanted to talk? I'll hear you out."_

"_It's 'bout you and Paul." She nodded. "Did you pay Paul in cash?"_

"_Yes, I did. Why?" _

"_Just wondered. Makes sense now."_

"_What does?"_

"_Tomas killin' him last night."_

_She met his eyes. "What? Paul's dead?" Her voice was shaky._

"_Tomas saw you two talkin', probably thought y'all came to a different agreement on payment and killed him. He took some of the money, but not all of it."_

"_Oh, my God." Her eyes filled with tears. "Because of me, Paul is dead?"_

"_It ain't all you."_

_She covered her mouth with her hand as bile ran up her throat. "Oh—God." She scrambled out of the booth and to the bathroom. She didn't make it to the toilet. She threw up in the sink, gripping the edges of it as warm liquid-y chucks poured out of her mouth. _

_Oh, God. Paul was dead because of what she and Merle had done to Tomas months ago. She thought he was done taking revenge, but she was wrong. She hadn't escaped anything, had she? He was still lurking in the shadows, wasn't he? _

_She heaved, her knees going weak, and she felt so dizzy. She hadn't eaten much these past few days, but somehow she was puking up buckets. She managed to make it to the toilet before her vomit filled the sink and spilled onto the floor._

_Merle waited twenty minutes then went to the back to see if she was even still there, and as he neared the door, she came out, wiping her mouth on her sleeve and sniffing, her eyes watery. He tried to touch her, but she moved away. He returned with her to the booth. _

"_You all right?"_

"_No." She held herself close. "What am I going to do?"_

"_Don't worry 'bout Tomas. I'll take care of him."_

"_I don't want that, Merle." She sniffed. "I don't want you to get hurt."_

"_I ain't gonna get hurt," he assured her, "he is. Just listen to me."_

_She listened as he told her his plan, the food came, and she managed to eat. She didn't like Merle's plan, but he wasn't going to let her get hurt. She didn't know why, but she assumed it was because she was the only person he had anymore too. His own brother didn't need him anymore. Daryl had his wife, even if they weren't completely happy. They still had each other, and Daryl was dedicated to her now. Looked like she and Merle had more and more in common as the days went by._

_She put the leftovers in the fridge and sat down on the couch beside him. "Thank you for lunch."_

_He shrugged it off. "You goin' back to school?"_

"_Yeah. I have a job, but it's just at this little burger place. It'll keep this roof over my head, buy me some decent clothes and some toothpaste." _

_He chuckled softly._

"_About what happened last week... I'm sorry I ruined your...whatever that was."_

_He said nothing. He stood up. "Is there a bathroom?"_

"_Yeah. It's right beside the first bedroom."_

_He left the room, finding two bedrooms and the bathroom. They were surprisingly clean and almost spacious. He used the restroom then returned. "Got any glasses?"_

"_I have a cup from the gas station when I bought a soda. Why?" _

"_Just thirsty."_

"_All I have is water. I'll get you some if you want." She went into the kitchen and grabbed the cup._

_He listened as she filled the cup, unzipping her suitcase and tucking a few twenties he'd taken off Tomas inside. Kid would need it. She had guts, he respected that. "Actually, I gotta run."_

"_Thank God. The water smells funky." She exited the kitchen. "Uhh, could we talk just for a second?"_

_He sat down with her. "What?"_

"_I wanted to thank you for taking care of me the past few months. You really saved my life, and I will forever be grateful."_

"_Well, you made it worth my time."_

"_I'm being serious."_

"_So am I."_

_Of course. "What I really want to say is...you don't have to protect me."_

"_I'm gonna."_

"_Why?"_

"_That's for me to know."_

_She studied his expression. They should have a decent goodbye, and he's made it perfectly clear what he liked her for. She climbed onto his lap, he leaned back, watching her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, placed kisses down his throat._

"_I didn't come here for this," he told her._

"_I know." She met his eyes. "One last time." She slipped her fingers through the few curls in his hair, leaning down and kissing him as he gripped her hips, sliding his hand up the back of her shirt to unclasp her bra._

– – –

Carol left to pick up the girls; Daryl had gone with her, not wanting to be in the house full of tension, and he wanted to be there and not just because Carol had told Sophia he would be. Merle sat on the couch, eating a slice of pizza, and Amy sat in the kitchen, picking off pepperoni and eating them, no longer as hungry.

She wondered if she should just tell him about Paige. It wasn't as if he would want to be involved with her anyway. He never wanted kids. He made that perfectly clear on many occasions. She just really didn't want Paige to know Merle was her father. It wasn't because of his past or anything, she just really, really didn't want her to know about him or him to know about her. Something inside her made her feel sick to even consider it. Her head was always screaming at her to never tell them. She never really listened to her head anymore. She had sex with him when she knew she shouldn't have.

She slid off the stool and swallowed hard, taking a drink of water before calling to him. "Uh, Merle?"

"What?"

"I—"

The front door opened, Sophia and Paige ran inside, Carol and Daryl right behind them, and he closed the door. Amy's throat closed, and she told him never mind. She knew the girls would rush upstairs to see Bella. That's what they did every time they came home. Only after Bella slipped away under Daryl's dresser did they come and acknowledge that they were people in the house.

Today, they didn't.

"Mom." Paige ran over to her. "I made something for you."

"Oh?" She knelt down. "What?" She helped her take off her backpack and Paige dug through it, pulling out a beaded bracelet. It was silver and gold with a white rose every five beads. "You made this?"

She nodded. "With Sophia and Jeanette. Do you like it?"

"I love it." She smiled at Paige's smile. "It's beautiful."

"Mommy, I have one for you too." Sophia held it out.

"Oh, it's so cute." She looked it over. There were two types of blues and white with one pink heart. "These are all my favorite colors."

She smiled. "I made one for Daddy too, but I don't know if he'll like it."

"Don't be silly." She slipped it on. "He'll love it."

She started to walk over to him, but stopped. "Later. He's busy."

"Okay, that's fine." She hugged her. "Thank you for the bracelet."

Daryl tossed his keys onto the counter, grabbing a can of soda. "I'm gonna run down to the shop, help T out."

"Are you sure?" Carol moved hair off her face.

He nodded. "As long as you don't mind taking care of the fuzzball."

"That's fine." Sophia grinned. "We can!"

Paige noticed a man on the couch, and she walked over to him as Carol, Amy and Daryl talked. She peered over the back of the couch at him, seeing his lips, stubble and nose then his eyes, which automatically turned to her. She stepped out from behind the couch, studying him, and she noticed his hair and his eyes—they were like hers. "Hi."

"Hey." He scrutinized this little girl. She was the same girl from Amy's. What the hell was she doing here? Was she good friends with Sophia or what?

Amy watched Paige very closely, no longer hearing Daryl, Sophia and Carol._ Don't, Amy. You know this is stupid. Stop her. _

"How are you?" Paige asked.

"Good. You?" Who the hell was this kid?

"I'm okay." She paused. "Who are you?"

_Stop her __**now**__! _"Hey, Paige, c'mere." Amy stood up, motioning for her to come.

"Okay, Mommy. Bye." She waved at the man and hurried over to her mom. "What?"

"Mommy?!" Merle exclaimed.

Amy picked Paige up. _Well, shit. This was why her head screamed __**no. **_

"What the hell is goin' on?" Merle was on his feet.

Daryl and Carol exchanged looks, trying to escape, but Merle was blocking the door now, so they all but ran upstairs to give them privacy and time to talk. This could take them awhile, and it was probably going to be rough.

"Mommy," Merle repeated. "That's your kid?"

She didn't look at him, just held Paige closer, her heart was racing in her chest. She could feel his eyes burning into her face, but she kept her eyes zeroed in on the wall over Paige's shoulder.

"How old is she?" Merle demanded.

"Don't," she whispered. "Honey, don't answer him."

"How old, Amy?!" he shouted.

"I'm five," Paige answered, looking from her mom to the mysterious man. "Why?"

Merle's eyes widened. "F—f—fi—?"

She interrupted him, "Merle, please—"

"Merle?" Paige looked at him then smiled widely. "Merle! You're my dad!"

Amy frowned. "What? How did you—?"

"I heard you and Carol talking." She glanced at her mom momentarily then back at the man who was her dad. "You said Merle was my dad. Right?"

Merle stared at her, and Amy nodded. "Yes, that's I what said."

"Oh, shit." Merle racked his hands through his hair. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!"

"Hold on." She held up an index finger then dug out her phone and grabbed headphones from Paige's backpack. Plugging the headphones into her phone, she turned to the volume up on a soundtrack, and Paige didn't wince in pain, so hopefully it was loud enough to block them out and not destroy her hearing.

"Calm down." She walked over to him, hands out in a gesture of peace. "Just calm down."

"Calm down?!" he shouted.** "Calm down?!"**

"Okay, stop yelling!" She pushed him back toward the kitchen. "You need to calm down. You aren't the only one finding out a huge secret."

"When?" he demanded.

"A few days after I left, I think. I'm not sure."

"And when you were sure?"

"I had her, and I'm raising her. What else would I do? Abort her?" She studied him. "Oh, you bastard."

He ignored that. "How long have you known?"

"Known that she was yours?" He nodded. "Always. There wasn't anyone after you, Merle. You were...something to me once, and I wasn't going to risk exposing her to someone vile, so yeah it's always been you."

"She's really five?" His mouth dried out. He had a five-year-old?

"Yes, she is really five." Amy smiled. "She likes school. She's really good at math. I don't know how, because I'm horrible at it. Maybe she gets it from you."

"School?" Was he dreaming? Was this some weird ass dream? What the fuck?

"Uh-huh. She's very intelligent for her age. She gets that from my side. Er, no offense."

"Well, it's true." He eyed the little girl, his mind reeling, and he didn't know if he was pissed off at her, at himself or if he wanted to go and talk the kid. He wasn't sure it was a good idea. He was no father. He was no role model. Amy made the best choice. Keeping that kid from him was the best choice.

"She's the best of us," Amy told him.

"I—I gotta get outta here."

She frowned. "What? N—no, no, you can't just leave." She stepped in front of him, hand on his chest to stop him. "Merle, she knows about you now. You can't run."

"Move or I'll move you."

"For the love of God, man up, Merle. You have a child, and I know that scares me. Hell, it scares me too, even now, but now that you know about her, you owe her a decent introduction. I will not let you walk out on her, not right now."

"I didn't ask for this," he hissed.

"And I did?" She kept her voice low. "I never wanted a child at sixteen, but I accepted it and grew up to raise her. You need to grow up and accept that you have a daughter as well. All I want from you is to talk to her just this once. Say hello and tell her your name. That's all you have to do."

"You want me to just—just waltz over there and just hi? Bullshit."

"I don't need a father figure for my kid, Merle. Please, just do this for me."

He stared at her. "Why did you do this?"

"Excuse me?" She crossed her arms.

"You know 'bout me, 'bout my father, so why did you do this to me?"

"_I_ didn't do anything. It took the two of us to make her, and you know how we were back then." She shook her head. "Look, just go and say hello. That's all I want. You don't owe me anything, but you do owe _her._"

"Is that why you screwed me so good? Try and cushion the blow?"

"God, no. What happened between us had nothing to do this her. That was...stupid and selfish. Pretend it didn't happen, if you want. I don't care." She glanced at Paige, who was knocking her knees together, studying the floor. She loved her daughter unconditionally, and she knew how much this meant to Paige. "Just five minutes. Please, Merle, please."

"Amy—don't."

"You owe her this," she snapped. "Not to mention, you used me for almost a year, _and_ you hit me."

"I protected you these past five years," he growled. "Why the hell do you think Tomas wasn't botherin' you?"

"Merle, please! God, stop fighting with me!" She searched his eyes. "There has to be enough here for you to feel some obligation to me. So you go and say hello to your daughter."

He was silent for a long time, and she couldn't tell if he was going go over there or just leave. She was very nervous.

"Merle?"

He stepped back away from her and went over to the little girl, she looked up at him with big smiling eyes, and he pushed the headphones down gently. She had the same curly hair as he did, the same eyes, but the rest was Amy. She was beautiful and innocent and...his.

She didn't want to make him uncomfortable, because he looked so pale and uncomfortable already. She didn't want to call him dad just yet. He didn't look ready for it. She wasn't ready for it. "I'm Paige."

"I'm—I'm Merle."

"It's nice to meet you, Merle." She brought her legs in closer. "You can sit. There's room."

He sat down on the stairs beside her, but said nothing. He felt like the world was shaking. It was more potent than any alcohol, whatever it was he was feeling. How did this happen? She'd been here for five years and he had no clue. Fuck, life was so damn easy two minutes ago. Now it was all shit.

"I wished for you," Paige told him, "for my father."

"Father?" he muttered.

"Mommy told me if I wished real hard, it would happen, so I did. You finally came." She looked up at him with those big blue-gray eyes.

Amy leaned against the island, watching Paige talk to him, and she crossed her arms, wanting to smile, but she felt wrong. That voice was no longer scream, but she felt so sick. She didn't like that she felt like this. She worried she would regret ever letting Paige go over to him. It was probably nothing. She was just nervous. This was a big moment, after all. Paige was meeting her father, and Amy no longer had her all to herself. She would know Sophia was her cousin, and that was it. They were all a big family, and it was so great, but so difficult. It's always been the two of them, and now it's like the fifteen of them.

"Merle? Are you okay?"

Amy glanced up. "What is it?"

He was standing up, and he shook his head, walking to the door. "Fuck this," he muttered, snatching his coat on the way, and Paige stood up, calling after him, but he didn't stop. He walked out of the house.

"Merle!" Amy shouted after him. "Merle!"

"Merle?" Paige whispered. "...Dad...?"

"You son of a bitch." She didn't have time to be pissed, because Paige started to cry. She rushed over to her as she began to weep so hard her entire body shook. "It's all right. It's all right. I'm here." She held her tight.

"I wished really hard." She sobbed.

Daryl came downstairs with Carol and Sophia when Amy screamed after Merle at the top of her lungs, the anger practically visible, and at the sight of Paige bawling, he went after Merle. He wasn't going to let him off that easily.

"Shh." Amy rubbed her back.

"It didn't work." Paige buried her face in her mom's shirt.

Sophia kept asking what had happened, and her mom shook her head, telling her nothing. "Paige?"

"Not now, sweetie." Amy carried Paige to their bedroom, sitting down on Paige's bed, smoothing her hair down and rocking her. She should've never accepted Merle back into her life. That was stupid. She knew it wasn't going to end well. It didn't end well the last time. She was so stupid, and Paige was paying for it. She didn't want this. She never wanted this.

––

Carol set a cup of chocolate milk down beside Sophia as she watched TV. Daryl hadn't come home or called, and it was evening now. Amy hadn't come downstairs, but when Carol went upstairs a couple hours ago, she could hear Paige crying. It broke her heart. She knew Merle was going to do that. That's why she wanted to convince Daryl they shouldn't meet. It was a monumental disaster; Amy and Carol both knew this would happen. Merle was selfish. He wasn't going to just turn over a new leaf, because Amy had his child. If this could've been prevented... Well, it happened, and Paige won't forget this. That poor little girl.

"Is Paige all right?" Sophia asked, not wanting to watch TV anymore. She knew Paige was very upset, but her mom wouldn't let her go upstairs and talk to her.

"I don't know."

"Why did Merle make her cry? Is he a bully?"

"Merle is...complicated."

"How?"

"He had a hard life, and it's changed him. He's not ready for kids. He might never be."

"But—but Daddy is!"

"Daryl's different than Merle."

"Different?"

"I don't know how to explain it, baby. He just is."

She nodded. "Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"What's Merle to me?"

"He's your uncle."

"And Paige?"

"She's your cousin."

"So, Amy's my aunt? Like Sasha?"

"Yes, I suppose she is."

She nodded then slowly smiled. "We make a family."

"Yeah, we do."

Sophia smiled happily. She'd always wanted a big family, and their family kept growing and growing. She had a cousin, and soon baby cousins! She hoped to have siblings someday. She wanted to have siblings like her Uncle Shawn and Aunt Beth and Maggie, and she wanted her mom and dad to be together. They were happier when they were together, but...Amy and Merle weren't happy. Why weren't Amy and Merle happy? Why was Paige crying? Was Merle liked Ed?

––

Amy tucked hair behind Paige's ear, dropping her hand and rubbing her stomach lightly, like she used to do when she was an infant. Paige had stopped crying, but she was so deeply hurt. Amy could understand. Paige has been dreaming about Merle for years; he was her birthday wish and her wish on every first star she saw. And when they finally met, he bailed. Paige may not understand why, but Amy could try explain it to her at least.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" Paige whispered.

"No. No, it wasn't your fault." It was her fault. She knew he wasn't ready. She backed him into a corner, and that was wrong. She was so stupid. "Merle is just...complicated. He left, because he was scared."

"Of me." She turned her head to look at her mom. "He doesn't want me."

"I don't know, honey."

She rolled over, scooting back on the bed to face her mom, and she lowered her eyes. "Did you want me?"

"Yes, of course I wanted you! That's not even a question!" She set her hand over Paige's. "I love you so much, Paige. You're everything I've ever wanted, and the timing doesn't matter. You're my daughter, and I love you, no matter what."

"I love you too."

"I know I should've told you about Merle, but I wanted you all to myself. You're the only family I've had for such a long time." Her eyes burned, her voice was thick. "You know what I mean?"

She nodded.

Amy paused, looking at the bee pin in Paige's hair, trying to push the tears and emotions back. "Do you want to know about Merle?"

She pursed her lips, but nodded.

"Well, Merle came from a bad home. His dad was a very bad man, and he would hurt Merle."

She frowned. "Hurt him?"

"Yes. He would hit him."

"That's awful."

"I think that's why Merle doesn't want to be a father. I think he's afraid he'll turn out like his own dad, and he couldn't bear that."

"Did he hit you?"

"Once, but I hit him too."

"Why?"

"We were fighting, and it went too far."

"Fighing about what? Me?"

"No, this was before I knew I was having you. We were together then, but I left him."

"You left? But you loved him, didn't you?"

_Oh, boy._ "Love is complicated, and sometimes you have to leave for everything to work out. Time allows people to figure out what they want." She rubbed her thumb over Paige's hand. "We have had some very complicated times, but I wouldn't change a single thing."

"Do you love him still?"

"These past years...I've thought a lot about him," she confessed. "A long time ago, I liked Merle very much, but my feelings are in the past."

She nodded. "What else can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he's strong—so strong. He would die to protect someone he loves, which is where you get it from. He's the reason Tomas didn't come after us for so long."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "He's so rough, but he's so gentle sometimes." He only showed that side to her, she believed. "He's the reason you have this mess of curly brown hair. I prayed day and night you'd get my hair, but no, you just had to have his."

Paige giggled. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She beamed. "It goes well with your eyes, which Merle gave you too."

"I like your eyes, Mommy. They're so pretty."

"Thanks. They are the same color as everyone else in my family. I'm glad you broke that cycle."

A beat.

"Will I ever get to know him?"

"I don't know, kiddo. Maybe."

She sighed softly then lifted her eyes. "Wait, we have more family?"

Amy nodded.

Her face brightened. "I have grandparents?"

"Yeah." Amy met her eyes. "And an aunt."

"Can I meet them?"

"Are you sure?" Amy was the one who wasn't sure. She hadn't seen her family in so long, and so much has changed.

"I'm sure."

She smirked. "For someone so small, you are so brave." She kissed her forehead. "We'll meet Andrea first. She's my older sister and your aunt."

"Andrea. Heh, it's a pretty name."

"Yeah." She shook her head. "She is going to love you."

Paige laughed softly. "I hope so."

"We'll ditch school and go have lunch with her. Sound like fun?"

"Can we go after?"

"Fine, but one day you'll be begging me to let you ditch school, and I will bring up this moment."

"Uh-huh."

"You will. Or we can go on Saturday. How does that sound?"

"It sounds good." She propped her head up on her hand. "Tell me my aunt."

"Well, she's an overachiever," Amy began, recalling what she knew about Andrea when they were young. She didn't want to think about meeting Andrea, but she was going to _have_ to start thinking about it. She would call Andrea's assistant and see when she was off next or see if she was in to talk to her. She would have to buy something to wear if she was going to see her parents again. She would have to look the part, but not Paige. She wasn't going to become a Horvath. She wasn't. She wasn't a Dixon either. She was a Harrison, a perfect in between.


	20. Ocean Floor

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

Carol was reluctant, but Sophia and Daryl were both persistent. She had no real reason to say no, but it was so difficult. She'd always had Sophia right down the hall or beside her every single night, and to have her more than thirty minutes away made Carol feel as if she were tried to an anchor in the middle of the ocean. Daryl was her father and very responsible, and Amy would be here if Sophia needed her, and so would Paige. She just wasn't sure.

"It's just one night," Sophia pressed. "Pretty, pretty, pretty please?"

"I—uhhh..." She dropped off.

"It's just me. Nothin' is gonna happen," he promised. "We'll watch some movie—of my choosin', but appropriate—eat pizza or somethin' Amy might make then go to bed. That's it."

"But we have that family dinner tonight," Carol argued.

"Just y'all _Greene_ girls and Shawn," he reminded her. "C'mon, don't you trust me?"

"With my life and hers," she swore, "but I—I don't know."

"Mommy, please? I'll be extra good, and—and I'll brush my teeth and floss too! Please, Mommy?"

She slowly nodded. "Okay, fine."

"Thank you!" Sophia hugged her. "I'm gonna go tell Paige." She ran out of the bedroom and down the hall.

"Yeah, Amy's takin' Paige to the movies then to the mall for shoppin' and bondin', so it'll be mostly just the two of us," he confessed.

"I know. She told me. Her best friend." She smirked, folding his shirts since he'd just left the basket lying there after Amy went through the trouble of having them clean, and it was helping to still the trembling in her hands. "But thank you for telling me."

"So, family dinner?"

She nodded. "It's about the Greene Leaf and the farm too, possibly."

"Oh?"

"It has me so nervous." She opened the first drawer to his dresser. "I feel sick and sweaty." She placed the shirts inside then saw another basket of jeans. "Do you ever fold?"

He watched her bend over and pick up the basket, his eyes moving to something on her neck, and he slipped off the bed. He brushed her hair aside when she stood up, and he felt her tense. "Nervous, huh?"

"What is it?" She turned her head toward his.

"A rash."

"I outgrew that."

"Well, it's here." He took the basket and set it on his bed, taking her wrist and pulling her into the bathroom. "Why're you so nervous?"

"I think I'm a naturally nervous person." She gathered her hair and held it away from her neck in one hand as he rubbed ointment over the small bumps, the cold cream making her shudder.

"No, you ain't. You're only nervous when you're scared."

"Well, I've been scared for four years now. I guess my body can't tell the difference anymore, which is weird, because I haven't gotten this rash in years."

He met her eyes in the mirror. "You don't have to be afraid no more."

"I do, but for different reasons." She wouldn't look at him.

"I get men like Ed," he told her, tossing the ointment onto the counter. "He wanted you broken so you wouldn't ever leave."

"Please, don't, Daryl."

"Everything he told you to degrade you was just the opposite of what he saw. I know it was, 'cause I know you. I see you." He started to flush really bad. "You're friggin' intelligent and always too damn good for a worthless asshole like him."

She shook her head. "I—"

"You're gorgeous, Carol. Always have been."

She turned, so very close to him, her shoulder almost touched his. "You—you think I'm gorgeous?" Her words were breathy, like she was scared to ask and like she wasn't sure what wanted the answer.

He nodded. "How can you not see it?"

"How can you not see that you've always been a good man? You're so brave and selfless. Sophia got that from you, so don't deny it."

"You say she's beautiful and intelligent, so what the hell do you see in yourself? Everyone knows and says she's just like _you _in every way."

She searched his eyes. "Stop it, Daryl."

"Stop what?"

"I'm not who I was before." She stepped back. "I'm just not, and no matter what you say, it won't change what I know."

"What you know or what Ed told you you should know?" he snapped back.

"Don't bring Ed into this! He has nothing to d—"

"He has everything to do with this!" he shouted. "He convinced you of all this shit, and it's just that: shit! It ain't truth. God damn, Carol, realize that!"

"I have to go and help make dinner."

He watched her leave and cursed.

"Mommy?" Sophia frowned at how red her mom's eyes were.

"I have to go now, but I will be back at noon tomorrow." She hugged her tightly. "I hope you have fun."

"Why were you and Daddy fighting?"

"It's grown up stuff. Don't worry about it." She smiled, and it was fake. "Have a good time, and keep your promises." She saw Daryl in the hall. "Call me before you go to bed."

"I will." She hugged her goodbye. "I love you."

"I love you too." She kissed the top of her head and left before any tears fell. She made it all the way home, gripping the wheel and snuffling. She took a walk to try and calm down, but she couldn't. She half-walked, half-ran to the pond, collapsing onto warm earth.

Powerful sobs wrecked her body as she pulled her legs up and held them close. She feared she may come apart if she didn't. She rocked herself, sobbing loudly, and she wasn't even sure why. She just felt like a shit, and that she should be left out there all alone so that no one would have to be burdened by her again.

_Who haven't you burdened?_

Who hadn't she burdened? She made a mess of Daryl's life, and there was no possible way to fix it. And poor Karen. She had to put up with Carol's shit for years, never really able to just let her anger out, because she might push her off the edge. And her parents. God, her parents.

_What the hell was wrong with you?!_

– – –

_Karen had taken Sophia out for the day to get some fresh air and to feel the sun on her face, because Carol was too much of a mess to do it herself. She had a twisted ankle, a dislocated shoulder, a broken finger, and her face was just a swollen mess. Karen had to take Sophia out before she went and shot Ed four times in one location and threw his body into a shark tank. _

_After not moving for hours, she finally dragged herself out of bed. She fell to her knees, whimpering softly at the pain, and she pushed herself to her feet. She went to the bathroom, not looking in the mirror, and she used the toilet._

_Turning the water on, she began to wash her hands with a bar of soap. She saw herself by accident and stared in...shock, mostly. She had no words to describe to herself how her face looked, and she didn't want to try and find the words. Ed had said more than enough for the both of them when he woke up this morning. Why didn't she just crawl in a hole somewhere?_

_She was so disgusting, and she let Karen see her like this? She was surprised the mirror didn't shatter at how repulsive she was. She could probably make someone heave, and it had nothing to do with the swelling—it had gone down some since the other night anyhow. She was just...a mess. No, that didn't even begin to cover how unsightly she was._

_She turned away and decided to take a bath. She filled the tub with hot water, removed her clothes, setting them in the hamper, and she sat down, the water almost stinging. She bit her lip to keep the groans back, and she hung her head, noticing the black and blue bruises on her thighs. She lifted her legs up and wrapped her arms around them._

_**What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think you can just let yourself go like this? You didn't **_**just**_** have Sophia. Damn, go to the gym!**_

_She shuddered._

_**Really? You're going to eat that? Haven't you had enough tonight? I'm surprised you can still fit in my damn car. You're such an embarrassment. Who the hell wants to be seen with you? Forget tonight, I'll just go alone.**_

_She buried her face in her knees._

_**I spent five years—five long, stressful years—of my life working for this and you can't even try to look decent for tonight? If this is all you have to work with then that's just sad. You might as well wear a mask. It'll cause less damage to my bosses' eyes. If I had only seen this before I married you, my life would be so much better. Thank God Sophia doesn't look a thing like you.**_

_It was times like these when she felt the most. In the bright and cruel light of day, when it's just her, she felt so disconnected from everything. It felt like she could just slip away and no one would notice. Why should they notice? She was nothing. She was just a piece of the background that hopefully nobody ever saw, because she was so displeasing to the eye. She didn't belong in this world, did she?_

_So often she would look around and see so much of what she lacked. If she had even a small portion of that, maybe Ed would be happy. She could be so much better if she wasn't...Carol. Carol was wrong and hideous and just a waste. Carol was screwed up and there was nothing worth saving about her. Carol made so many good people worry about her when they shouldn't have to. She wasn't worth the energy they put into worrying about her. She was nothing. _

_**Who haven't you burdened? Damn, how have you made it this long? Tsh, don't waste your breath. I don't give a fuck.**_

_It felt like her insides were being clawed out, and it wouldn't stop. She felt as if the darkness had tainted her. She was entirely alone, but she was never alone, because he was there, lurking, watching. He never wanted her around other people, and she shouldn't be allowed around them. She would taint them, ruin their lives as she had done in the past. She was a terrible person to even let that baby near her. She deserved so much more than Carol. _

_There was so much inside of her, so much, and it was like a raging war. She was always in pain, and she was to blame for it. If she was just better, if she was good enough... She would never be good enough. She would never be worth anyone's love._

_How could anyone love somebody like her? And why?_

_She dried off and dressed as Karen returned from her day with Sophia. She didn't mind the icy bathwater. She hardly felt it—or anything—anymore. She only felt the pain he brought, and she deserved that. After all she did, she deserved it. She had ruined his life, Ed's as well, so this was her punishment._

"_Okay, I bought food." She was in the kitchen. "Oh, and don't worry, I fed Sophia her breakfast and lunch."_

_Carol limped into the kitchen. "Did you?" Carol saw the carrier and Sophia's little shoes, but she didn't look further to see her face._

"_Yes. She's so sweet when she's sleeping." Karen pulled down two glasses. "I brought some of my grandmother's tea stuff. It's really good for you, and it'll help replenish vitamins and all that good stuff. It should taste good with our dinner."_

"_I'm not really hungry." She sat down. _

_Karen turned, jaw clenched, and she set the glasses down before she threw them down. "I'll blend this shit up and force it down your throat," she growled. "You weight...what? Fifty pounds wet? This is not healthy, Carol."_

"_My fat could own property." She scoffed._

"_What fat? You don't have any, and that's not okay." Her eyes filled with tears. "You're scaring me, Carol. Every time I see you, I—I see more of your bones. The biggest things on you ever are the welts."_

"_You need glasses."_

"_That's it!" She stormed into her bedroom, grabbing clothes, and Carol ran after her. _

"_What are you doing?!"_

"_You're staying with me. Don't you dare argue with me either." She shoved them into a suitcase then grabbed some of Sophia's and put them in the suitcase as well. "Ed is going on a business trip, and you are getting help."_

"_Help?" Carol shook her head. "I'm already dieting."_

_She held her tongue. "Get in the car."_

"_I can't just leave. I have to make sure the house is in order. I have plants to water, bills to take care of, and laundry. Lots of laundry. Ed will be mad if I don't do what he asks."_

"_And I'll be mad if you don't go and see the doctors you **need** to see. Let's go." She grabbed her wrist and hauled her out. "You can hate me all you want, but I don't care right now."_

"_Karen!" she protested as she was shoved into the backseat and locked inside. "Karen!" She slammed her hand against the glass. _

_She went back inside quickly for Sophia, and she took Carol to her house. "You know you need this, Carol."_

"_This is insane!" Carol glared. "I don't need—"_

"_Do you think Ethan wants to see you like this?" Karen hated to do this, but it was the only way. She could see how Carol felt. "Do you think he's up there just smiling at you?"_

_She felt like the air had been sucked out of the car, and her eyes filled with tears_

"_He wouldn't want this, and you know that."_

"_Don't bring Ethan into this," she hissed. "He has nothing—"_

"_If you keep this shit up, you're going to join him! How would your mother feel? It'd be worse than what you felt when you lost Ethan, because she'd never know. She would never know a piece of her that she loves more than anything was gone. Could you do that to her?"_

_Carol fell silent after that, Karen took her to her home, and she took Sophia inside, asking Milton to watch her, and she went back for Carol. She found her standing outside the car, gripping some necklace in her hand, and she warily walked over to her._

"_What—what kind of help?" she whispered._

_Karen's eyes burned and she hugged her. "The best we can afford."_

– – –

She lied there in a patch of Cherokee roses, her legs pulled up to her chest, her face crusty with tears, hardly blinking. She ran her fingertips over the petals of the Cherokee rose, feeling a pull inside of her. She would never tell Daryl about the therapists and the nutritionist Karen sent her to when Sophia was three. She didn't want any of them to know what she was like in the middle. She didn't even want to know what she was like in the middle, but of course she did.

Gorgeous? How could he think that? She wasn't, not this broken mess of a person. She wasn't the girl he fell in love with all those years ago, and she never would be again. That dark part of her would always remain and would one day come and overcome her. She didn't want Daryl around when that moment came. Sophia neither. She was going to make him take her should she become that mess again, and she wasn't going to take Sophia back until she was sure that person was gone, no matter how long it took.

She needed to change, didn't she? She needed to be strong. She had to get rid of this feeling; this cold, empty clutching inside. She just wanted to be normal again. How did she go back? It seemed impossible. Four years of Ed and it was as if those first nineteen years hadn't existed at all. He made it so easy to give in, but she had to fight it now. She had to fight, because it wasn't just her. It had never been _just_ her.

It was like that day Sophia was hit by a car. That dark clutching came back, and it brought all of these emotions with it. She didn't know if she pushed them back and they're returning now or if they'd been with her all this time, just waiting for the opportune moment. That moment was now when talking was an option, but the words were too much. They had too much weight, too many meanings. So complex when it should be so simple; deep when it should be shallow. There was a part of her that no one had ever seen and no one ever will, not even Daryl. Especially not Daryl.

"Little Bookworm," she murmured softly. Her father was so strong and caring, and everyone said she was just like him. She was strong before Ed. She told off Mason Dixon and helped Daryl fight every foul word he—

She blinked and a tear fell. _Every foul word he said about himself_. God, it was just like before. Daryl was trying to help her as she helped him all those years ago. Why hadn't she seen it? He wanted to help her, because he loved her. She loved him so much then, and she would've died to convince him Mason was wrong. She spent years telling him how wrong he was, and somehow Daryl didn't see himself as that man anymore, did he? How? How did he do it?

"This spot taken?"

She looked up and found Shawn in front of her. "Shawn? What are you doing here?" She pushed herself up.

"Family dinner involves cooking, and as you know, I eat when I cook, so by the time it's done, I'm stuffed, and it's crap, because I ate all that made it good." He dropped down beside her. "I saw you run out here a couple hours ago, and when you didn't come back, I figured I'd come check on you." He reached over and peeled a blade of grass off her cheek. "You've been crying."

"Is that some superpower?" She sniffed, wiping under her eyes.

"No, you're nose is all big and red," he mused.

No laughter.

"This is serious, isn't it?" She nodded. "What did Ed do to you, kid? Don't you sit there and lie to me either. I know you, and you're so different now. Why are you faking it?"

"Because I'm screwed up," her voice broke.

"Who isn't?" He was serious. "Crying isn't going to make you change. Hiding it is only going to make you hate yourself. And it takes two people to talk, and I'm the one who's listening."

"I can't—"

"Screw can'ts! I am done with the word "can't"." He was pissed off. "I'm not going to go and hunt the man down, Carol, but I won't sit here and watch you get lost again. The last time that happened, I lost my sister. She still isn't back yet."

She met his eyes.

"I'm your brother, and I'm worried about you. Why won't you trust me?"

"I do trust you. I trust you all so much!"

"Then trust me to help you. You don't know how liberating talking is."

"What has Sasha done to my brother?" she mused. "And do we have to get him back?"

He smirked. "Many things, some involving whipped cream and chocolate syrup, but this is about you, and I am supposed to be serious and mature."

"You're gross and have forever ruined both whipped cream and chocolate syrup for me."

"Aside from the stickiness, it—"

"Shawn!" She covered her ears. "Stop!"

He laughed. "I'm kidding. I would never let her do that to me, but I totally did that to her. Maybe next time we can use marshmallows and cherries. One day, possibly never."

"Do you realize you're still talking?"

"Talk about Ed, and I'll shut up."

She sighed. "You'll hate me."

"I've hated you since Mom brought you home, all red and crying. I seriously thought I was getting a puppy, but no-ooo. I got a baby sister, and still no damn puppy twenty-seven years later. It hurt my manly feelings." He feigned being all teary. "All... Wait, do I have manly feelings?"

"You won't hate me?"

"I could never hate you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have Sasha or my unborn twins. It's horrible, but you leaving caused the best thing to happen to me." He flicked a bug off his jeans. "Tell me what happened these past four years."

She folded her legs. "You won't like it."

"But I love you," he reminded her, "and I'm scared of Beth stabbing me if I try and eat the okra." She laughed softly. "Which reminds me we have a lot of time until dinner's done, so feel free to take as long as you want."

"You'll get pissed."

"I can take it. And if not, I'll swallow it and save it for a rainy day. Like Bob." He snickered. "He still flinches every time I'm around."

"What?"

"Well, when Sasha and I were broken up, he slept with her, so I punched him. He folded like a box."

"No way. Sasha and Bob?"

"Yeah, let's not talk about it. I still get pissed when I think of Sasha's exes, and since Bob is our family doctor, I want to keep that angry down. He's a great guy, and I respect him and hope he finds happiness."

"Dad would be so proud of you," she blurted.

"Doubtful."

"No, he would be. You're the son he always wanted, and he would tell you that if he were here."

"Look at you, lying to change the subject." He met her eyes. "So, Ed? Is that short for Edward?"

She nodded. "Where do I start?"

"Where it all goes to shit is typically where one starts."

"Okay. That would be when we were on our way home from the hospital after Sophia had got an ear infection. She was four months old, and..."

– – –

Maggie and Hershel set table, Beth and Annette brought out the food, and they all wondered where Shawn and Carol were. They were about to start looking as the food went from hot to warm and the sun started to set, but then Shawn called to them from the porch, apologizing, and Carol did the same when they entered.

"Where were you?" Annette had been so worried. She noted the grass stains. "Where you wrestling? You both look like you were hit by a car."

"We talked," Carol corrected. "We sat down by the pond and talked. I'm sorry. We lost track of the time."

"Well, go wash up."

"And hurry," Beth glared lightly.

"Yes, ma'am." Shawn smiled apologetically. "So sorry. I love your hair. Did you get it cu—"

"Go." She pointed to the bathroom.

They hurried down the hall, snorting a laugh, and they washed up in their bathrooms. They joined them at the table, Beth said a few words before they ate, and everyone dug in. It was still almost hot, and it was all really good, but Mag, Beth, Carol and Shawn saw the looks Hershel and Annette were giving each other from time to time. It made them worry.

"So, where's Sophia?" Hershel asked.

She covered her mouth with her hand so they wouldn't see the food in her mouth. "At Daryl's." She swallowed. "She's spending the night with him and Amy and Paige."

"She and Paige are close, aren't they?" Beth had noticed it on their trip to the zoo.

"Like family," Shawn agreed, knowing about their fathers after talking with Carol. "Practically sisters."

She kicked him. "She's Sophia's first real friend since we moved down here."

"It's sweet how protective Paige is of her. Like a big sister." Maggie crossed her legs. "I wonder where she gets that. Amy doesn't seem that protective."

"Have you met Andrea?" Shawn took a drink of water. "The vicious verbal and physical attacker?"

"You called Amy fat!" Beth shot back. "Andrea had a right to go off on you!"

"Shawn!" Annette scolded.

"I did not call her fat!" he protested. "I just say she looked bigger, as in taller. She assumed fat, and I got a black eye for that. And it was like nine years ago!"

"You called her fat," she insisted.

"Okay, fine. I called Amy fat, and Beth, those pants do make your ass look huge, and that color is not good on you, Maggie. What else? Oh, Carol, I don't like your hair. It's very bad hair."

Maggie and Carol snickered while Beth glared, stabbing her ham a little too hard.

"Shawn, please." Annette was trying not to smile.

"I hope your son is just like you," Beth told him.

"Thank you, Beth. That gets me right here." He held a hand over his heart.

"How does Sasha handle all the sarcasm?" Beth honestly wanted to know.

"Oh, she ignores me."

"What?" Carol laughed.

"Yeah, she just blocks me out." He ate a forkful of okra and noticed the looks they gave him. "She hears the important things." He paused. "Or just nods and hopes I'm not asking a question."

"Probably the second one," Beth informed him.

"It's what I do." Maggie shrugged. "Only with people I can't stand. All right, I do it sometimes you. You can sometimes get very...blah!"

Beth giggled. "Sorry." She pretended to cough, taking a drink of water.

"Well, I feel loved." He looked at his mom. "Do we have dessert? I'll need the whole thing to feel the _gaping_ hole in my chest."

"I'll always love you," she offered.

"Just add salt to the wound." He dramatically got up and left.

"Was he talking?" Carol blinked as he left. "I zoned out."

They laughed, Shawn returned and poured gravy on her plate, covering all of her food, but not getting it on the tablecloth or on her.

He smirked and sat down. "We're out of a gravy."

"I'll show you salt in a wound."

"No, no, no, no!" Annette covered her mouth with her hand as Carol dumped the salt onto his hair, where it poured down onto his plate. "Oh."

"Guys, please," Beth begged. "I am not cleanin' up your mess."

"So much for maturity," Hershel murmured.

"Fine, fine. I'll be the bigger, lying person here." He ate some mashed potatoes. "Well, I've just eaten enough salt to last a lifetime." He shuddered, salt falling out of his hair. "Can I work this?" He pointed to his hair.

"If you were any more your father's son," Annette shook her head.

"I'm gonna wash up." He left the table. "Carol, make me another plate since your ruined mine, please and thank you."

"For Sasha's sake, I hope the twins are just like her," Hershel told them.

"For all our sakes," Beth agreed.

Shawn returned after ten minutes, they finished eating and cleared the table. They went into the living to have dessert and to talk about the Greene Leaf now that they were all stuffed and less willing to mess with each other. They were all such children, no matter how much time had passed. It was heartwarming to see them all so close still. Annette and Hershel both hoped that never changed.

"Shawn, do you want this?" Carol offered him the rest of her pie. "I'm so full."

"Sure."

"Does anybody want more coffee?" Carol asked the room.

"I do." Beth held her plate out, and Carol took it. "Thanks."

"Mag?"

"No, I'd actually like to sleep tonight." She poked a cherry with her fork.

"Mom? Dad?"

"No, thank you, pretty girl."

"Ill take a little more." Hershel smiled. "Thanks, Rosy."

"What about me?" Shawn asked. "I might want coffee."

"You're not allowed to have coffee," Hershel replied.

"Just because I accidentally caught the rug on fire and it almost burned the house down doesn't mean I shouldn't have coffee. It means I should be _supervised_ when I am drinking coffee and lighting a fire."

"It means no coffee," Annette and Hershel told him.

"You'll have to tell me about that later." Carol left, setting the plates in the sink and getting the coffee pot. She returned and filled their cups.

"It wasn't too excitin'." Beth twisted hair around on her finger. "He and Sasha were here through a snow storm, and he drank about two pots of coffee, 'cause he was worried about us, and he wanted to be awake when we got home."

Maggie held her plate out to Carol. "His hands were shakin' so bad, he dropped a burnin' newspaper on the rug, and it went up in flames. But luckily, Sasha grabbed the fire extinguisher and put it out before it spread to the couch. To this day, we don't know why Sasha was wearin' his shirt."

"That's a much less exciting story you will never hear," he said over Maggie. "Coffee spilled, and let's leave it at that."

"T-dog might have hurt you for it," Beth teased.

"T didn't even like that I started dating her," he pointed out. "He accepted it over time, and now we're family, so I guess he likes me." He paused. "I honestly don't think Sasha ever told him why we called off the wedding."

"Well, Jacqui made us swear not to tell him," Annette admitted. "He might have broken you."

"He would've completely broken him," Maggie corrected. "Sasha was and is his baby girl, and he would've snapped at the news. Shawn, you would've been the only sin T's ever committed."

"So the Greene Leaf, remember that? Our reason for this lovely gathering," Shawn pressed.

"Right." Hershel set his cup of coffee down. "We want to discuss what happens to it when your mother and I have passed."

The mood shifted, Maggie pulled her legs to her chest, Beth's face dropped, Carol hugged herself, and Shawn set the plate beside him, not wanting the pie anymore. They knew they would have to talk about this, but they all hoped that day would never come.

"Do we have to?" Beth whispered.

"Yes, Bethy, we do."

"What do you two want to do with it?" Shawn inquired, his serious side out. Twice in one day, it might be a record. "Do you want one of us to own it or perhaps Jacqui? Or all of us?"

"We want to keep it in the family." Annette laced her fingers together. "Jacqui would look after it, so that's fine."

"I wouldn't mind managing it," Carol suggested. "I'm good with that type of thing. I even took a few classes about business management when I was in college, and I would love to work with Jacqui. We could do that together."

"All right, pretty girl. We'll talk to you and Jacqui about it tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"That's fine."

"What about the farm?" Maggie rested her arms in her lap.

"I'll tend to it," Beth said. "I love the animals and growin' fresh fruit and vegetables."

"Are you sure?" Hershel asked. "It's a big responsibility."

"I'm sure." She smiled. "And I want to."

"You can borrow my kids," Shawn offered, "any time when they're old enough."

"Gee, just what I wanted. How did you know?"

He laughed.

"Sophia would love to help out. She loves the horses and the cows and the—well, everything. She has names for them, and remembers which is which somehow." Carol wasn't sure who gave that to Sophia, possibly both. Daryl liked working the farm, and Carol loved working with the animals.

"All I have is Glenn." Maggie pursed her lips.

Shawn jumped on that. "You can have him sit on the porch and chew wheat while wearing a coverall with a pillow under it to give him a pot belly. Can he grow a beard?"

"Shawn, do you see this foot?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure? I think you need a closer look."

"All right, Jo Junior."

Maggie smirked. "Thanks."

"All right." Annette held her hands up to hush them. "That's enough for tonight. Who's washing the dishes?"

"I have to go tend to my very pregnant wife. Those twins could come out any minute now." He shot up. "I love you all. Sleep tight. Good bye." He left.

"I helped cook." Beth stretched her legs out.

"I'll help." Carol hopped up.

"Me too." Maggie climbed to her feet. "I'm drying."

"Fine, you can put them away too."

Shawn returned. "Sasha wants some of Beth's food, so I'll help them out it away."

They headed to the kitchen with the dishes in the living room, Hershel smiled at Annette, and she took his hand, returning his loving smile, and Beth went over to the piano and began to play, letting her parents enjoy the music. She wanted to make the most of these moments, when they were all together and happy. They were great moments to remember.

– – –

After speaking with her parents and Jacqui about the care of the Greene Leaf, Carol went to check on Sophia and Daryl. She found them upstairs in bed, passed out, and she smiled. Slipping out of her shoes and climbing into the space between them, She wrapped her arms around Sophia and fell asleep.

– – –

Andrea set files on the her desk, throwing away a wad of paper, and she was about to sit down when her assistant knocked on her door. She turned. "Yes?"

"An Amy Harrison is here to see you. Do you want me to show her in?"

"Amy?" She sounded disbelieving. "Yes. Yes, send her in, please." Could it be her? After all this time, had Amy finally sought her out? God, she could only hope so. She wanted to talk to her, but she disappeared on her at the wedding. Maybe now she had her chance.

Amy stepped into her office, closing the door, and Andrea looked her over. There she was, her not-so-little little sister, in white jeans and a black shirt with slits down the long sleeves, her long blond hair curled around her shoulders. She was skinnier, and gosh, she was so tall. They were probably the same height now, maybe Amy was an inch or two taller. She was still paler, but that was how it'd always been. She looked good. Healthy.

"Amy." She rushed over to her, embracing her tightly. "It's so good to see you!"

"So you missed me just a little, huh?" Amy teased.

She laughed, sniffing. "God, look at you." She couldn't stop smiling. "You're so tall and womanly."

"You saw me at the wedding." Amy blushed.

"Barely. You ran away from me."

"Er, well, you look...really good yourself."

"I'm so glad you came by. Can I get you anything? Water? Tea? Coffee, perhaps? Do you even like coffee?"

"Only with doughnuts. I'm good."

"Please, sit." She led her over to the couch. "Do you want to talk? Or do you need legal advise?"

"I wanted to talk, but...can we do it somewhere else? If not, I came back lat—"

"No, let's go. I just came back from a meeting, and I haven't had lunch. Actually, I could use a day off." She grabbed her jacket and keys from her desk, telling her assistant to clear her schedule. "Do you want to drive or shall I?"

"Let's just walk."

"All right. I have some clothes in my car for the gym. I'll go and change."

Amy waited outside while her sister changed, her palms moistening at the thought of her meeting Paige, but so far nothing was going wrong. Everything seemed to be all right, so she didn't have to worry about anything. If only her heart would believe logic. Gosh.

Andrea stepped out of the building in jeans and a silver blouse. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

They walked down the street, Andrea talked about her job to just pass time until they arrived at the park or wherever they were having lunch. Amy spotted Paige playing with Tyreese's black lab puppy. She waved at him, grateful for him taking time to watch Paige. She knew Butch needed fresh air too. He was so cute, with those big chocolate eyes and that snout. She wanted a dog, but there was no room for one, and she doubted Daryl wanted a dog _and_ them living with him. Maybe one day when she had a house of her own.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" Andrea was starting to run out of conversation starters. She didn't want to rush in and ask how Amy had been doing.

"It is." Amy stopped by a bench and held her arms out.

"What are you doing?" Andrea looked around and saw a little girl running over to them. She had curly brown hair that was spilling out of a braid with big blue-gray eyes, and she was smiling so wide. Andrea saw Amy all over her face, and the outfit—a blue and white stripped dress with an anchor over the breast and black denim boots with stars on them—was her sister's style. Could that little girl really be...?

Amy scooped her up. "Are you having fun?"

She nodded, breathless. "Butch retrieved the stick I threw—twice! He slobbered all over it too."

"Did you wash your hands?"

"Not yet."

"I have hand sanitizer in my purse." She reached into her purse and pulled out the small bottle of hand sanitizer, squirting some into Paige's hands and setting it back in her purse. "There, now you can shake hands with your Aunt Andrea."

Andrea's eyes widened. "Aunt?" She was so stunned. She knew the kid had to be Amy's because she looked just like her, but it was still so implausible to her. Amy was just a kid, but she had a child herself. When? This little girl couldn't be holder than five or six. Is that why she left?

"I'm Paige." She smiled at her aunt, holding her hand out.

Andrea shook her niece's hand. "Andrea."

"I made reservations at your favorite restaurant," Amy told her. "We can have lunch there."

"O—okay." She couldn't stop staring at her niece.

"It's right across the street." Amy stepped back and headed to the restaurant.

"She's pretty," Paige whispered to her mom.

She set Paige down. "Go tell her."

She turned and went over to Andrea. "You're really pretty."

Andrea knelt down. "Thank you, sweetheart." She touched her cheek, as if she was trying to see if she was real. "You are beautiful."

She blushed. "Thanks."

"How old are you?"

"Five."

"Five? My, you're such a big girl." She smiled. "You have pretty hair too. I love your braid."

"I like your hair too." She reached over and touched one of Andrea's curls.

"It's under the name Harrison." She glanced over at Andrea and Paige. "C'mon, you two."

Andrea stood up, Paige took her hand, and she looked down at the little girl before catching up to her sister.

They were sitting outside, the wind was blowing, and it was a nice day. Amy ordered for her and Paige, and Andrea noted that she didn't ask for separate bills. She knew Amy was probably going to pay for all three of them, even though Andrea would pay for herself. It was sweet and very like Amy.

"How have you been, Am?" Andrea took a drink of water.

"Not so great lately." She crossed her legs. "My uh—my apartment got broken into, so we have to leave."

"Oh, my God. Are you all right? Did either of you get hurt?"

"I'm fine. Paige wasn't hurt at all, thankfully."

Paige looked up from her cup. "I stopped him from hurting Mommy."

"Stopped him?" Andrea frowned. "How?"

"I stabbed him in the leg."

"What?" she exclaimed.

"Like Mommy taught me." She made a twisting motion with her little fist. "But it's really, really bad, so I don't unless I have to."

"Like Mommy... What happened to you?" She looked at her little sister.

Amy wrote _drugs_ down on the napkin.

"Are you serious?"

"Just for a couple of months," she insisted. "I'm clean now. I don't use."

"Do you have someplace to stay? And is that why you stayed away for so long?"

"Yes, I have a place to stay, and...no." Her eyes moved to Paige.

"Were you ashamed?"

"Of course not. Not of her, anyway."

"Of who? Yourself?"

"Of what I used to do, yes. Besides I'm not the daughter they wanted, so I stopped trying to be." It was killing her faster than any drug.

"Not the daughter they wanted?" Andrea frowned. Why did she get that from? "Amy, Mom and Dad didn't want you to be anything but happy."

"That's not true, and I know it's not." Her voice was thick. "They always made time for you, never for me, and don't tell me that's not true either. It is. They didn't want to waste their time with me. I wasn't good enough for them."

"That is not true. It was very bad timing," Andrea informed her. "They wanted to go to all of your performances, but work came up. They couldn't get out of it, but they bought every video. They talked about you all of the time."

"I don't believe that."

"Honey, they were proud of you. You were talented in a different way, but they didn't care. You were happy, and that's all that mattered to them."

"I heard them yelling about me all the time, Andrea. They weren't proud."

"They weren't yelling about you."

"Then who else? Who else was the screw up of the family?"

"I—I don't know, but it wasn't you."

Amy could see Andrea believed that. If they weren't talking about her all of those times, then who were they disappointed in? Who they wished would change their ways? She didn't want to know. She didn't want to think about them right now. She wasn't even sure she wanted to see them, no matter how much Paige wanted to meet them. She was still so angry with them. She wasn't as mad at Andrea, but it still was difficult to be here.

"Are you married?" Andrea asked, wanting to change the subject. Perhaps, later they could talk about their parents when Paige wasn't around. It was going to be a very heavy conversation. One that would take time to get to unless Andrea forced Amy to talk about it. Amy had a lot of anger, but at least she was trying. That's all that mattered. "Or are you still intimate with Paige's father?"

"No. I'm not with him nor am I married to him." She stabbed a crouton in her salad, seeing Merle's face on it. "He's no longer in our lives."

"Who is he? If you don't mind me asking."

"Merle Dixon."

"Oh, God." She lowered her voice, looking into Amy's eyes. "Merle Dixon? Amy, are you _insane_? That was statutory rape."

"I hate that word. It was willing."

"You know what it means by definition." She shook her head. "Why him?"

"I was very high?"

"I'd say so." She sighed softly. "Does he know?"

"He does."

"Is he helping? Does he pay child support?"

"Should I laugh until I die now or just keel over?"

"Do you want him to? We can arrange that."

"I didn't come here for you to rob Merle of his last penny. I came here so Paige could meet her aunt. Just stop with all of the law talk. I don't want his money or his time. He's not in her life, and I want it that way, so let's just drop it."

"All right. I will."

The waiter came by and refilled their drinks, Amy squirted a little more ketchup onto Paige's plate, and Andrea asked for a coffee, rubbing her temple gently. They waited until he was gone to talk again.

"Where are you staying now?" Andrea stirred her coffee.

"With Daryl. It's only temporary. I have to save up for a new place." She ran her hand across her forehead. She'd been giving money to Tomas behind Merle's back. She couldn't leave it all up to him, and she didn't want that karma. She could've moved out at any time, but she knew Tomas would be right there, so she gave him the money each month. She knew she hadn't paid him off even half of the way, so it was satisfying to know he would never get his money back, and that he would never walk without a limp.

"You can stay with me," she offered.

"What? No."

"I have plenty of room. I have three guest bedrooms just gathering dust, and I have a dining room that's never used, not to mention a pool. You used to love to swim."

"I still do." She smiled. "I couldn't ask you to do that."

"I'm offering. It'll give me a chance to get to know my niece and my sister." She set her hand over Amy's. "Please, consider it. I'm putting money into a house I rarely use, so please come and use it."

She laughed. "Fine, I'll consider it."

"We're moving?" Paige pushed herself up.

"I don't know yet, babe. Maybe."

"Do you have a nice house?" Paige asked Andrea.

"Very nice. Do you like to swim?"

"I float, but yes."

"Well, I have a pool you can...float in. I also have a big backyard where you can run around. I can even get a swing set."

"Really?" Paige grinned.

"You don't have to do that," Amy insisted.

"I'll use it for my kids someday."

"I'm still considering it. It's not a yes, so stop trying to convince me. I can decide for myself."

"Me too," Paige chimed in. "I want ice cream...please?"

They laughed.

"Yes, you can have ice cream. We'll get it then walk through the park. Let's not waste the day."

"I like the sound of that," Andrea smiled.

––

"So, tell me something." Andrea ate a spoonful of strawberry ice cream.

"What?" Amy broke off a piece of chocolate-covered waffle bowl, watching Paige as she walked ahead of them with Butch and Tyreese.

"Why Merle? I don't mean to pry. I just want to understand."

"I dunno."

"Amy."

"He was the only guy who...I was attracted to."

"Seriously? The guy who called me sugartits?"

"And a whore," Amy added.

"Yes, let's not forget that."

She licked chocolate off her finger. "It was either him or Andrew, and I really loathed Andrew. I still do."

"Was...he your first?"

"No. He was my third."

"Third? Who were the other two?"

"That really cute pool boy and Tomas."

"You and Dave?" Andrea shuddered.

"Tomas deserves the shudder. Dave was sweet, gentle. I also like curly hair." She ate a spoonful of ice cream. "What's with that face?"

"Well, it's just the summer before,_ I_ was with Dave."

"Oh, gross!" Amy cringed. "I could've gone my entire life without knowing that."

"Me too."

Paige went to hug Butch goodbye, but he grabbed her ice cream and took off, Ty went after him, and Paige just blinked then turned to her mom, trying to speak, but Amy just held hers out to her.

"Here, you like chocolate too."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh. I'll just steal Andrea's."

"No, you're not." Andrea ducked her hands.

"Well, clearly you've give me all of your other hand-me-downs, I figured you'd give me that too."

They walked around until the ice cream was gone, Andrea invited them to come over for dinner, and Paige accepted without even asking her mom. Amy was going to say yes anyway, so it didn't matter. She wanted to see where Andrea was staying now, and see if there was room. She had a lot of problems back at Daryl's. She was burdening him and practically violating his privacy, even if he won't say she is, and she loved the idea of Paige getting to know Andrea. After five years just the two of them, Paige needed someone else to turn to, and Andrea was the perfect person.

Her house was massive! The first floor was beautiful with wooden floors so shiny they could seem themselves, and the first room was the living room and the kitchen. It was so big, though! The living room had two leather couches, one brown loveseat and an armchair with a glass coffee table and a fireplace under the flat screen. And the rug was so decorative and the designs were so intricate.

The kitchen was strictly professional, with two ovens, a fridge stocked with just about every type of food, black marble-top counters, but the only place to sit was the island. The wall that lead to the backyard was almost all glass and showed the pool and a beautifully decorated veranda.

There was a bronze staircase that led to the upstairs, which mirrored the downstairs hall. Two bedrooms—the extra upstairs was an office, so hence the three bedrooms—one bathroom in the bigger bedroom, but there was bathroom down the hall too. There was a closet full of toiletries, and stained glass that shined soft colors onto the floor. The downstairs was of a garden and the upstairs was of a lake and a swan. It was very warm for such a big place.

"Make yourselves at home." Andrea led them down the stairs. "Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"Apple juice." Paige jumped off the last step. "Can we go swimming?"

"Not today." Amy joined her sister in the kitchen. "I'll do this."

"All right." She handed her the apple juice. "I swear, the maid buys so much food, way too much for me. I have to give most of it to T and Jacqui so they can use it for their monthly deliveries to those who can't go out and buy food themselves."

"That's sweet." She found about ten different types of glasses, and she grabbed two.

"You have a maid?" Paige was wide-eyed. "Are you a princess?"

Andrea laughed. "No. No, I just come from money. Your mom too."

Amy shook her head violently toward Andrea.

"You do?" She turned.

"Uhh, yeah." She glared at Andrea, filling a glass with apple juice. "I have some issues with my parents."

"What issues?"

"Nothing you need to worry about." She handed her the glass. "Can she watch TV?"

"Sure. The remote's on the coffee table."

"Careful." Amy watched her as she went into the living room, set the cup on the coffee table, grabbed the remote and climbed onto the couch. She then hit Andrea. "Why did you tell her that?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a secret."

"Well, now it's not." She groaned softly. "I didn't want her to know that. I don't want her to know about our parents' money."

"Am, she'll see it for herself at Mom's birthday party." Andrea closed the juice and paused. "Do—do you plan on going?"

"Yes." She crossed her arms, leaning against the counter. "No. Maybe. Uh-uh."

"Amy, don't 'uh-uh'. Either you're going or you're not." She placed it back in the fridge.

"I haven't made up my mind. It's not for another two weeks, so I have got time."

"Fine. What do you want for dinner?"

"You don't have to cater to me. Just make whatever you were planning on making."

"I was going to eat a salad and pass out at my desk." She looked over the contents in her fridge. "I could literally cook anything."

She smiled. "How about chicken dumplings and mashed potatoes?"

"Even that." She began to pull out the ingredients. "I have the recipe in that drawer."

"Mom gave you the recipe?" She opened the drawer and found a cookbook. "I'm taking a copy. I love her cooking. I miss it. I can't cook well. I try, but I guess I'm just the type to eat it than cook it."

"Well, I had to bug her about it for seven years, and sometime last year she gave that book to me."

"You've never made it, have you?" She flipped through the book.

"Once, but it'd been a while since I made it."

"I'll help. Or give us food poisoning." She found the page and ran her fingertips over her mother's handwriting. She missed her mother so much.

"You okay?"

"Y—yeah." She cleared her throat. "I'm just thirsty. I only got Paige something."

"Why don't you get started, and I'll make us something to drink?"

"Okay."

They changed places, Andrea grabbed another glass from the cabinet, and Amy looked for the measuring cup. Paige watched her mom and aunt, happy for her mom, but she was still really sad about her dad. She'd always wanted to meet him, and when they finally met, he hated her. She didn't want him to hate her, and she wanted to make it right, but she didn't know what she did. She was sorry for whatever it was. She wished he knew that.

– – –

Daryl woke up, the room was dark, and he blinked, smelling flowers against his nose. He felt his arms around someone, and he sat up, seeing Carol lying in his arms with Sophia in her arms, and he blinked. When the hell did Carol come over?

He reached over and grabbed his phone, seeing it was five in the evening. "Shit." He pushed himself up, waking Carol accidentally, and he ran a hand down his face. He knew they should've gone to bed before that damn marathon. Damn it, it's late.

"What is it?" Carol sat up, her body right against his, and she saw the reason he said shit. "Oh, no. It's five?" She shook Sophia gently and slid off the bed. She slipped her foot into her boot. "She'll never go to sleep tonight."

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, no. This is on me. I fell asleep with you two when I should've woken you guys up." She zipped up her boot then the other. "We should go."

"Why?"

"Do you want us to stay?" She tugged the thin strap of her dress up and tucked hair behind her ear. "Do you?"

"I don't mind y'all stayin'."

"Good, because she's not waking up." She set Sophia closer to the middle of the bed. "How late were you two up?"

"One or two." He shrugged. _Tsk, five_.

She closed the door behind them and went to the bathroom, fixing her hair and adjusting her bra. She didn't even have room to roll, why was it so out of place?

"How does pizza sound?"

"Gross." She opened the door, leaning on the opposite frame as him. "How about Chinese?"

"No."

"What then? Do you want me to cook?"

"Do you wanna?"

"I don't care to. I can make steak and potatoes or hamburgers and fries or spaghetti and garlic bread. Which do you want?"

"What do you want?"

"I'm asking you." She pushed off the frame. "And I asked first."

He shrugged.

"Well, what sounds good?"

"Food sounds good."

She smiled. "Gee, why didn't I think of that?"

His lips twitched. "Hamburgers, I guess."

"Okay." She turned and headed downstairs. "Have you fed Bella?"

"Shit, no." He followed her into the kitchen and grabbed the bag of food out from under the island, filling her bowl. "She's probably curled up with Sophia."

"Probably." She set a pack of ground beef on the counter. "Oh, I am so having a turkey burger." She grabbed the ground turkey.

"More beef for me and the kid."

"More for you. Sophia likes turkey too." She looked for the frying pan and spatula.

"I move 'em." He moved by her and showed her where they were, she turned and got smacked by the metal spatula, but at least it was flimsy metal. "Shit!"

"When you said you'd show me, I didn't think you meant that close." She smiled a little. "I'm okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." She grasped the spatula. "I'm cooking by the way, so go sit and watch TV or something." He studied her, and she titled her head. "What?"

"You seem...different."

"Is it a bad different or a good different?"

"I dunno. We'll see."

"I guess we will. Especially when Karen comes to visit."

He repressed a groan. "Do I gotta meet her?"

"Yes, you have to meet her." She faced him. "I want her to get to know you."

"Why?"

"Because she's my best friend, and you're my—ex-husband and the father of my child, who she is godmother of. If I die, you'll have to put up with her to raise Sophia."

"You'd leave Sophia to me?"

"Of course. You're her father, and I love you." She blushed, hearing the tone she used for those three words. It sure as hell wasn't friendly.

He met her eyes. "You love me?"

"Well, yeah, you're my best friend too." She smiled awkwardly. "I've told you time and again that I love you, silly."

He nodded, dropping his eyes.

"Besides, you're a good father, and I wouldn't take Sophia away from you. You show her that there are good men out there. You wash away Ed's darkness." She couldn't stop the blush that appeared. "Thank you for giving me a second chance, even if it was just so you could find out if Sophia was yours. I value you, Daryl. You don't know how much."

"Carol." He leaned down—

"Mommy?" Sophia called from the top of the stairs, yawning.

Carol set the spatula down and went to her, scooping her up. "Good evening."

"Evening?" Sophia mumbled sleepily, resting her head on her mom's shoulder. "Where's Daddy?"

"In the kitchen." She minded Bella as she walked down the steps. "See."

"Hi, Daddy."

"Finally up?"

She let out a small, sleepy moan.

"One or two, huh?" Carol narrowed her eyes at him. "It was five or six, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," he confessed.

"Are you making breakfast?" Sophia asked.

"Dinner. Do you want a turkey burger?"

She nodded.

"Daryl, could you pour her a glass of orange juice?" She stepped in to the kitchen as he grabbed a glass and the orange juice out of the fridge. She held her hand out as he filled the glass up, and she held it, helping Sophia take small sips. "God, you've drained her of all life."

He smirked. "She's fine."

"She's not drooling on your shoulder." She carried her over to the couch. "Let's see what's on." She found cartoons and let Sophia watch them, going to the kitchen to prepare dinner. "Tell me your trick when she's hyped up on sugar."

He watched her start dinner for a moment then in to the living room, finding Sophia curled up against the arm of the couch, watching some cartoon. He sat in the armchair. What the hell was he thinking?

– – –

Paige was buried in covers beside her mom, her face nuzzled against a soft pillow. They decided to stay the night, mostly because Paige had fallen asleep after dinner. Amy could hear Andrea coming down the hall, her feet echoing on the polished wood, and she looked up when Andrea appeared in the door.

It was so strange to see her there when it was normally the other away around before. So many times when they were little, Amy would sneak up to Andrea's room and ask to come in and talk. They'd end up with one of them on the floor with the blanket and the other hogging the bed. Their mom would come in and cover the one on the bed up after the third time it happened.

"Hey." She lingered in the doorway. "You up?"

"Yeah."

"Paige?"

"Out like a light." She pushed herself up a little, and Andrea walked over to the bed. "She sleeps like a rock, so don't worry about waking her."

"Now, that she got from you." She crawled under the sheets. "You're were a pain in the ass to wake up for school."

She laughed softly. "Especially in winter. It was so cold outside and the warm bed was just perfect."

Andrea turned her head to her little sister, lifting her hand toward her, and Amy set her fingertips on Andrea's. They'd been doing it since they were little. It was like a game that only they understood. "Why can't you sleep?"

"My thoughts won't shut up."

A beat.

"I want to talk about Mom and Dad."

"And with my daughter sleeping right beside me and you right there, it keeps me from bolting and raising my voice."

"I'm not cornering you." Yes, she was.

"Feels like it." She poked Andrea's palm with her fingernail. "What's to talk about? I left, they didn't care, and I had a kid. That's pretty much all that matters."

"Okay, explain to me why you think Mom and Dad don't care about you?"

"Because for the past five years, the only person I could rely on was Merle. He was literally my everything. He had my back while our parents just threw another Christmas party."

"They _did_ care," she informed her. "They had _everyone_ they could hire, persuade and bribe to try and find you. They talked to _all_ of your teachers and friends; they talked to the cops, but they were too busy with some murderer. Amy, Mom and Dad spent thousands trying to locate you."

"I'm calling bullshit. If they had done any of that, they would've found me. I was just on the other side of town for Christ's sake."

"I'm not lying. Maybe the people they hired were incompetent, but they never gave up. They missed you every single morning. I would come down for breakfast, and the minute Mom saw your empty seat, she broke down crying. Dad eventually moved the chair, but it didn't help."

"She probably cried over the fact her pricy little chair was too used to be returned," Amy muttered.

Repressing a groan, she went on. "Dad started drinking. He couldn't console Mom, and he didn't know how to handle his own grief, so he drank. They lost one of the companies, and I had to help Dale get it back, because they were a mess." Tears welled in Andrea's eyes at the memories. "Mom—Mom shut down after they didn't find you, Am. At first it was barely eating then it was barely getting out of bed. Dad hired a nurse to look after her, but she hasn't spoken in years."

Amy swallowed. "She always craved attention."

Andrea sniffed. "Why won't you just accept that our parents have fallen apart since you left?"

Because it means all of her angry was for nothing. All that kept her away, all that kept her from giving Paige a decent life, was just a lie. She didn't want Paige to grow up with the stress of the Horvath name, but because of that Paige has missed out on so much. Having an aunt, who would always be here for her, grandparents, who would spoil and love her, and a great uncle that would give her all this useless wisdom. She had to be angry. Angry was better than guilty.

Her eyes burned, but she scoffed. "She's just putting on a show. Mom only ever cared about you and that bakery. Dad and his employees were so lost in work, I doubt he noticed I was gone. And if he did, he was probably glad to be rid of me. He was probably drinking in celebration."

"That is _not_ true." She kept her voice low, not wanting to wake Paige. "They miss you every day, Amy. They pray for you and talk about you all the time."

"Mom wasn't talking, remember? Keep up with your lies." She wiped a hand under her eyes just in case any tears fell.

"They being Dad and Dale. Mom just sits most days, gazing off into space, and she'll start to cry sometimes. She misses you so much, and she worries so much about you. It's killing her to not know, Amy. Every day a piece of her soul dies, and I don't think there's much left.

"And Dad just forces himself to work. He doesn't even make time for lunches with anyone, because when he stops, he thinks about you, and it cuts him deep. You were his little dancer, and he was so ready to buy you a studio and help you manage it. He talked about it all the time when you were little, and he was going to everything to help you. He was proud of you, Am They both are so proud of you."

Amy's nose burned, and she looked over at her older sister. "He—he did?"

"All the time. You and I were always the first thing he talked about at parties. He always got so excited about your next recital and my next competition, and he couldn't even talk. They would just start laughing at him, and Mom would have to explain, because he didn't know where to start."

"If that was true, why didn't he ever say any of that to my face?"

"He didn't want to pressure you. He knew you weren't good under pressure, so he kept it to his friends and to me. He wanted you to do this because you were passionate about it, not because he expected you to do it."

She was quiet.

"Not everything is what it seemed. Mom only got onto you about school, because she wanted to make sure you could have something to fall back on in case something happened. Say, you were injured and couldn't dance anymore. She wanted you to have a secure future."

She was wrong. So very, very wrong, and other people had been paying the price. Paige didn't know how good a Christmas or how fun a Thanksgiving could be. It was just the two of them, and Amy could scarcely afford what Paige wanted. She always did her best, and Paige loved that, but all this time, Paige could've been genuinely surprised on Christmas; she could've heard those stupid stories Dad always told on Thanksgiving and could've joined their family Easter egg hunt that took hours to complete, because the yard was massive and they hide eggs everywhere.

Amy could've gotten away from her mistakes with Merle and Tomas. She could've gotten an actual degree. She might have gotten a good night's sleep almost every night, not worrying about bills and who was going to take care of Paige if anything happened to her.

So many could'ves. They were useless now, because Amy was so pigheaded and selfish. She didn't want to even consider the possibility that her family had suffered from her leaving. It was always easier to just think they wanted her to leave, to think that they hated her. It took away the guilt, and she didn't miss them. It was just how she protected herself, and because she did that, her parents suffered. Paige suffered, because a few summers Amy couldn't afford to keep them both fed while paying off Tomas. Paige felt guilty that she had food, and her mom didn't.

After a long silence with both of them in tears, feeling guilty and selfish and so stupid, they wiped away their tears and their mistakes. It was long overdue.

"So, it's still my fault."

"We can all assign blame," Andrea whispered. "Mom and Dad aren't the best at knowing when to give a compliment and when to reprimand. They never were."

"I can't...just go and see them."

"No, you can't just go and see them," Andrea grasped Amy's hand, "but we can."

Fresh tears burned in her eyes, and she smiled. "I love you, Andrea. I really missed you."

"Me too."

"Can you tell me something?" Amy rubbed her eyes dry.

"What?"

"Why were you crying?"

"Guilt."

"Guilt? What for?"

"For never telling you about how proud they were of you when I could see how they made you feel like a disappointment." She shook her head. "I guess I was just jealous since they only talked about you to me. It was cruel of me."

"You—you were jealous? Of me?"

"Only a little bit."

She laughed.

"Besides, look at the little girl. She's precious. Who wouldn't be jealous? I guess Merle's good one for thing."

"Thank you. I'll be sure to thank Merle for his sperm." She shook her head. "Wow, I can't believe you were jealous of me. All that time, I was jealous of you."

She laughed. "Really?"

"Yes. All Mom and Dad talked about to me was_ you."_

"That's—so like them."

"And us."

She shook her head. "Well, I'm glad to have that out in the open."

"I'm glad to have had this talk. I missed talking to you about anything and everything."

"I can't say I miss the endless "what if" questions. You used to bug me until two in the morning. Do you remember that?"

"Yes. I really wanted to know."

"Uh-huh."

Amy nuzzled her face against her pillow. "I'm tired."

"So am I." She didn't move. "I don't want to walk back upstairs."

"Well, if you feel the urge to kick, try to roll instead. If I fall, Paige falls."

"I don't kick in my sleep anymore."

"Good."

"Is that everything?" Andrea looked at her sister. "I feel like there should've been more."

"That's everything for now." She paused. "Okay, Dale always knew about me and Paige."

"What?" She gasped.

"Shh." She pointed to Paige. "Hush."

"He always knew? Why didn't he tell us?"

"I begged him not to. I didn't want them to try and get Paige taken away from me, and I didn't—don't want her to grow up under all the stress of their expectations. That's why I left in the first place, and I don't want Paige to follow in my footsteps. Really don't."

"I can't believe he didn't tell me. I used to talk to him every week about how your leaving was my fault, and he'd look so upset, but I thought it was because he didn't like me blaming that on myself. He knew you were fine the whole time." She rolled onto her side to face Amy. "You're the person he wrote monthly checks to!"

She nodded.

"He always was so angry, because you never cashed them. I told him to stop wasting checks, but he was so determined. We got into an argument about it, because it made no sense to me. Now, it does."

"I didn't want his money, but I sent him a thank-you card each time he sent me a check."

"God, you are so pigheaded. I would've used the money."

"I wanted a fresh started with nothing to remind me of my old life. I love Dale and I am so grateful to him for helping me with Paige when she was a baby, but he didn't owe me anything. I wasn't going to let him do that for me. I provided for her, and we made it. We're doing just fine."

"That's admirable." She tucked hair behind her ear. "Do you still dance?"

"Not all the time like before, but sometimes I do."

She nodded, her eyes closing.

"Do you still visit the range?" Amy yawned into her pillow.

"Yeah."

The conversation stopped shortly after, both of them falling asleep, warm and contented. It took five years to get this far, and about five minutes to make up with Andrea. Her parents were another matter, and she wasn't sure she could do it, but she was going to try. Carol was right; they had a right to know their granddaughter. She owed them an introduction too.

––

"All right, she's sleeping like the dead. She wanted me to tell you good night." Carol entered the living room. "Did you drug her or something? She's so tired today, and she could barely keep her head up during dinner."

"What, you ain't ever woke up exhausted?"

"She's five. She should have endless energy." She sat on the coffee table since he was sitting with his legs on the couch as well. "She told me about the movie marathon, and she said she had fun watching it with Daddy."

He half-smiled.

"You are her new favorite person." She smiled. "She wants to spend the night next Saturday as well. I don't have a problem with it as long as you don't."

"It's fine."

"Well, great. Karen's coming in, and I want to spend some time with her. So after you two meet, could you watch Sophia? It'd only be for a few hours the next day."

"Sure."

"Thank you."

"What're you gonna talk to her 'bout?" He met her eyes.

"Mostly see if anything's changed with Ed."_ Most how I'm in love with you, Daryl, _she thought. "I also want to talk to her about Noah and her grandmother. I've grown really close to her family, so...I want to make sure they're all right. Milton—her husband—is coming with her, so I can just ask him how he's been doing."

"I don't gotta be there for that, do I?"

She smirked. "No, you don't." She set her hands in her lap. "You can just have dinner or maybe lunch with us. It's up to you, but I really want you to know her, if only a little."

"I wanna thank her," Daryl told her, "so don't worry 'bout me tryin' to bail."

"Thank her?"

"For savin' my daughter and my—er, for savin' you."

She smiled, her cheeks turning pink. "She didn't do it for thanks, but I'm sure she'll still be pleased to hear it."

A beat.

He set his feet on the floor. "You stayin' over?"

"If it's not a problem. Sophia has school tomorrow, and as much as I trust you, you don't wake up sometimes. I don't want her to miss any more school."

He nodded. "You sleepin' with her?"

"Where else would I sleep?"

With him. "The couch?"

"As appealing as that sounds, I'll pass." She stood up. "I will see you in the morning."

"Night."

She stepped over his legs then stopped, turned and placed a thank you kiss to his temple. "Good night." She headed upstairs, and she felt his eyes on her. She returned to the room where Sophia slept and crawled into bed, turning the light out, and she smiled to herself.

––

"_Another?" Ethan asked, a slight groan to his already groggy tone._

"_Just one more." She climbed off the bed and grabbed a short book off the shelf then returned, holding it out. _

_Ethan rubbed his eyes and took the book, moving beside her, and he smirked. "I thought you didn't like these lovey-dovey books."_

"_I don't hate them," she said. _

_He laughed, but mostly because he was exhausted, and he knew she was just trying to keep him there as long as possible. He had business to attend to out of town. It was family business, and he didn't want to drag Carol, Shawn and Annette out there to deal with it, so he was going alone. He had a noon flight, Thank the Lord, but that didn't stop Carol from wanting to spend every second with him. She rarely saw him as it was._

"_Well, all right." He yawned into his fist and cleared his throat. "Do you believe in love?"_

_She looked at him. "What do you mean?"_

"_Not that nonsense fell-in-love-after-knowing-someone-for-two-minutes love, but actual love. Do you believe there's someone out there for everybody?"_

"_For Shawn's sake, I hope so."_

_He smiled. "That's not an answer."_

_She shrugged. _

"_Well, sometimes you don't find love." He opened the book. "Sometimes loves finds you. That's why we don't meet people by accident. They were meant to cross our path for a reason."_

"_Like you and Mommy?"_

"_Yes, exactly like that." He pushed a curly strand out of her face. "Don't be afraid to chase after your dream, kiddo."_

"_I thought we were talking about love."_

"_Sometimes your dream and your love are the same thing."_

"_That doesn't make sense."_

"_Well, my dream right now is to be asleep before it's one o' clock in the morning, and I love sleep." He yawned again. "Okay, once upon a time...the end."_

"_Dad!" _

"_All right, all right." _

_He read the tale to her, praying she'd fall asleep before he finished, and he silently rejoiced when her eyes lids began to drop. He felt her head hit his arm, and she didn't move back, so he waited, reading so softly, and he lifted his arm gently, seeing she was out cold._

_He set the book down on the floor, picked her up and pulled the covers back, setting her down and tucking her in. He moved that pesky curl behind her ear. "Good night, Little Bookworm." He flicked the light off and pulled the door shut._

_He checked in on Shawn, and of course he was passed out. He went to bed, finding Annette still awake. "Next time, you're reading to her."_

_She smiled. "Uh, no, but good try."_

_He lied down. "I'm so tired. Why couldn't she sleep like Shawn?"_

"_Because setting fireworks off in his nose wouldn't wake Shawn, and God didn't want to give us two kids like that," she replied. "Right, and **you** got her into books."_

"_Well, my mistake." He exhaled. "Why're you still up?"_

"_It's nothing." _

"_Nothing's kept you up?"_

_She sighed. "He's been calling again."_

_He closed his eyes. "What about?"_

"_The same old." She adjusted her wedding band. "Perhaps you shou—"_

"_No. I'm done with all of that." He pushed the covers back and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not going to get involved. I'm done with them and their shit."_

"_Ethan." _

"_I just—I'm not the son they wanted, and I'm going to live my life the way I want. Carol and Shawn aren't getting dragged into their drama."_

"_I agree entirely. I just wish you would speak to them. They're still your family."_

"_Some family. They won't even let me live my life." _

"_We could always move, and pray you somehow become independently wealthy."_

_He smirked. "I'm very lucky."_

"_Yes, you are."_

_He clasped her hand. "I never told you how much it means to me that you stand by my decisions without questioning my reasons."_

_She smiled. "I know."_

"_Of course you do." He kissed her gently then turned the light off and lied down, wrapping his arms around her. "Annette?"_

"_Hmm?" She turned her head to look at him._

"_Don't tell Carol and Shawn," he whispered. "Not ever."_

"_But—"_

"_Promise me."_

_She nodded. "I promise." She relaxed against him. "I love you."_

"_I love you too." He kissed her shoulder. "Good night."_

"_Good morning, but only if we're getting technical." She laughed when he groaned. _

"_I'm burning Carol's books. It's official."_

"_Yes, I'm sure that'll work. Burn down the library and school while you're at it."_

"_Shawn would love that."_

"_Yes," she laughed, "he would."_

"_I sometimes wonder if Emily would've been more like Shawn or Carol," he wondered, voice soft._

"_I'm sure Emily was like both of them." She gazed out the window. "She probably would've liked to draw. Shawn has the skill, but he's too lazy to finish anything, and Carol's terrible, but draws all the time." _

_He held her a little tighter. "I'm sure she would've made you a soccer mom."_

"_Violin."_

"_Soccer."_

"_Violin," she pressed._

"_Soccer." He began to tickle her, and she squirmed, trying to get away, and he laughed at the sound of her laugh. She covered her mouth with her hand so the kids wouldn't wake, and she sent him a glare, and he laughed again. "Maybe our grandchildren will play the violin."_

"_Or soccer."_


	21. Friend Like Me

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

––

She drove to Karen's summerhouse with Sophia in the backseat, eating a cream-filled doughnut as an afternoon snack. She hadn't been back here since they first arrived in Georgia. It was the same as always, and she'd discovered she had arrived before Karen and Milton. She parked and got out, opening the door to the backseat and helping Sophia out.

"Karen's not here?" Sophia licked cream from her finger.

"Not yet. I'm sure she'll be here soon."

"Daddy too?"

"Yes. He'll be here around five, and we're all going out to dinner." She dug the key out of her purse and went inside, an alarm blaring.

"Ah! What the hell?" She covered her ears, finding the system and used the same code Karen used for everything, silencing it. "Christ." She looked around the house, the furniture covered in sheets, and she dropped her purse on the counter, removing the sheets. "Don't touch anything with your sticky fingers, sweetie."

"Okay." She stood in the doorway.

"Well, come inside." She closed the door behind Sophia. "Sit here."

"I'm thirsty."

"I told you not to drink the milk first." She folded the sheet up and dropped it to the floor, grabbing another. "All Karen has is water."

"I like water."

"I'll  
get you a glass in a sec." She place the sheets into a folded pile, turned a light on and went to the kitchen, finding a glass. She filled it with ice and water and gave it to Sophia. "Karen and Milton will be here soon." She kept repeating it to herself. She was so excited and nervous and happy at all the same time.

"Is Noah coming?"

"No. It's Karen and Milton's anniversary, so their coming down here. Today, Milton has some business, so it might just be the three of us then Daryl's joining us four for dinner. I don't know for sure though. Milton might have already finished up his work."

"Oh."

Carol had noticed how quiet Sophia had been lately. She spoke, but she didn't speak a lot. She knew what it was about, and even though everything would eventually smooth out, Sophia was still upset about it. Amy had stayed out all night, and Paige wasn't in school today, so Sophia didn't get to talk to her. She was worried about her, and Carol was worried about Amy. She knew they'd met up with Andrea, but that's all. She wondered what happened. She also wondered if Paige knew Daryl was Merle's little brother and her uncle. She doubted it. Amy probably wasn't thinking about it. It might be good to get the girls and Daryl together and talk about it. It might make Sophia feel better, and Pagie would know she had an aunt and an uncle who were here for her. Dale and Andrea were awesome, but sometimes it's reassuring to know you have a lot of options. That you're never alone, even when you think you are.

"Why won't you go over to Daryl's tomorrow after school? You can spend time with Paige."

"Can I?"

"Yes, of course. Mag wants to spar with me, so I'll pick you up when that's over." Karen and Milton might want to go some grocery shopping or something, so she would have some extra time on her hands.

"Spar?"

"It's...uh, nothing important." She heard someone pull up. Was that them? She walked over to the window and pulled the curtain back, seeing their car. "They're here." Carol ran out to greet them, Karen hurried out of the car and hugged her tightly.

"I missed you too." Karen smiled. "God, how long has it been?"

"It feels like forever." Carol released her. "Hello, Milton."

"Hey." He smiled. "I'll get the bags."

"Thank you." Karen led Carol inside. "Sophia!" She hugged her.

"Hi." Sophia smiled.

"Look at you. You're so big."

"I'm the smallest in my class," Sophia told her.

"Well, you're big to me." She smiled. "How have you been? You look so adorable. I missed your pretty curls."

"I missed you too." Sophia giggled softly. "I'm okay. I like my new school and I have friends too!"

"That's great to hear! You can tell me more at dinner, because that doughnut looks yummy, so I'm gonna let you finish eating." She turned to Carol. "You look amazing. You've gained some weight, and you've gotten a slight tan."

"I feel all right." She crossed her arms. "Okay, I'm damn ecstatic. Everything...is really, really good."

"Does this have to do with the father who isn't here?"

"Oh, he's joining us for dinner. He had to work."

"Milton, please watch Sophia." Karen grabbed Carol by the wrist and hauled her into the bedroom, and she closed the door. "Okay, what happened?"

"What do you mean?" Carol sat beside her on the couch. "Nothing's happened. Well, a lot has happened. My mom is doing very well. So well, in fact, she's back at home with us, along with Patricia and Otis. Oh, Shawn and Sasha got married and are expecting twins! He's completely freaked out, but he'll make a great dad."

"That's fantastic. I'm so relieved. I've been so worried since your last call, but I'm glad they're all right. How about Beth and Maggie?"

"Well, Beth...can't have kids. She went off on me after we went off on her for taking the girls—Sophia and Paige—to the zoo without permission, and she told me she would never have children of her own. We talked it out later that evening, and we went over her options. Beth's very prepared, and I'm so proud of her." She bit her lip.

"What?"

"It's just...I feel like if we hadn't made her mad, she wouldn't have told us about her infertility. I think our mother may have known, because she and Beth are very close, but I can't say for sure." Patricia probably knew. She practically raised Beth when Jo was sick, and they're best friends.

"Well, that's horrible. Is there nothing she can try? Like some type of medication or something?"

"She's looking into it, I assume. She didn't want to talk about it too much."

She nodded. "And Maggie?"

"She's good. She's a police officer, and she wants to make detective. I think she'll do it. She's a quick learner, and she can adapt to any environment, so they'll get one hell of a detective someday." She tucked hair behind her ear. "She's been dating a guy named Glenn for about...five months? Maybe four and a half, I can't be sure. They really are good together, and they're so cute. She smiles a lot, and I'm happy for her."

"And Daryl?"

Carol blushed. "He—he's good too."

"What's that blush?" Karen narrowed her eyes then gasped "You slept with him, didn't you?"

"How do you do that?"

"I just guessed. You look like you did after you slept with Ed, only less shame and more blush, so it must have been really good."

Her blush deepened. "Once, but it was about a month ago, and he was drunk. He doesn't even remember."

"I guess that makes it easier if you want to forget it happened." She studied Carol. "Or harder since you want him."

"I've been trying to just be friends," she admitted. "I want him to be happy, but he doesn't date, and I have this hope he doesn't date, because he's still in love with me too, but I'm ignoring that. We can't be together. It would be so hard on him and on me, not to mention Sophia."

"Explain to me how it'd be so hard."

"I left once, and I don't want him to worry I'll leave again. Sophia just got to meet her dad, and I don't want her to pick up on any tension between us. I want them to have a relationship like I had with my father. They're so close already, and Sophia will back away if she feels tension. She did the same thing with Ed, and I don't want her to think Daryl is anything like Ed."

"Carol, you're stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"If you love him and he loves you after all this time, it's more than obvious what you should do."

"I—I can't."

"You're just scared."

"What if I hurt him again?" She lowered her voice. "What if he just doesn't want me like I want him? I—I'm different. My body is scarred, and I'm not—"

"If he does love you, none of that will matter. The way you look when you talk about him... If he feels even a portion of that for you, you've nothing to worry about. You're just wasting time. I think you've wasted enough, Caro."

She said nothing.

"I'll see it for myself tonight."

"Yeah."

"Do I get to meet your family too?"

"Well, tonight you're meeting Daryl, and tomorrow you can meet my family. We can spend the afternoon out if you want then go over there for dinner."

"Great. I can tell them all about your wasted college years. You left the only party you went to after five minutes."

"I was pregnant then I had a child, so forgive me for being responsible."

"Nah." She checked her watch. "I have to help Milton unpack."

"How long are you two going to be down here?"

"Unfortunately only today and tomorrow. Milton's mother arranged for just to spend our anniversary in Paris."

"I want his mother."

She laughed. "It's just a fancy way of telling me to get pregnant."

"Well, I still want his mom." Carol titled her head at the look on Karen's face. "What's with that face?"

"Well, I may be already, but I don't know."

"Oh, my God!" Carol grinned. "That's amazing! Congratulations!"

"Shhh! Milton doesn't know, and I'm not one hundred percent sure, so stop smiling."

"Right." She couldn't hide the smile.

"Let's go unpack."

Sophia ate her doughnut silently while the three of them unpacked and aired out the house. They caught up with each other, Milton had to take a few business-related calls—he could do them now since it wasn't technically their anniversary vacation until they reached Paris—and Karen assured Carol Milton and Ed were no longer speaking. Ed apparently left his assistant in charge of almost everything, so Milton only spoke to her now. Milton was never fond of Ed anyway, so Ed just made their business association easier.

– – –

Amy added the meat to the sauce, listening to Paige trying to smoothly read the chapter of the book she was working on, and she stirred the sauce, pulling down the noodles. She was still considering Andrea's offer, but she still wasn't sure. Their parents knew where Andrea lived, and they'd have easy access to her and Paige at any time.

"How's this?" Daryl asked Amy.

"Hold on." She faced him, holding back a laugh. It wasn't funny because he looked funny, but seeing him so nervous about looking good was kind of funny. She never expected him to be like that He was in a dark blue shirt with black pants and a black jacket. He'd combed his hair, but didn't get it cut. She suspected Carol liked it long, and he picked up on that. He looked less angry with long hair. "You look great."

"Very handsome," Paige agreed.

"Okay."

"Oh, here." She handed him directions to the restaurant. He'd never been to it before, because it was very pricy, so Amy wrote the directions down. Her parents used to take her and Andrea there for their birthdays. "Now, remember: You're driving, so no more than one glass of wine or whatever you might drink. The parking lot isn't close the restaurant, so you'll have to walk a few feet, and I will be here when you get back, so not sexy time."

He glared.

"Seriously, though."

"It ain't a date. I'm just meetin' her friend. She told me to dress nice, so I did."

"Oh, poor, sweet, naive Daryl." She smiled at him, and he glared back at her with even more ire.

"Your keys are upstairs on your dresser."

"Crap." He didn't want to be late.

He had no idea what tonight really was about. Sure, Ed was involved, but it was mostly so Daryl and Karen met. Karen, Carol's best friend for the past five years, and Daryl, the man she was desperately in love with, were going to sit down, have dinner and get to know each other. How did he not see this for what it was? He didn't date much, yeah, but he was still smart. It's almost cute how unprepared he'll be for this.

Daryl ran by her.

"Good luck!" she called after him.

––

They met up at a nice restaurant, Carol was really impressed how at Daryl dressed for this. She decided then and there he should never be without a jacket, because it looked very, very good on him. As for the rest of them, Karen wore an elegant blue dress, and Milton wore a suit, which Carol rarely saw him out of. Carol had borrowed one of Karen's black dresses with her hair pulled up in some weird curl-braid thing Beth did—Beth now doubled as the family hair stylist.

Sophia didn't feel like going on with them after all. She said she wasn't hungry, and she wanted to spend time with Uncle Shawn and Aunt Sasha. Carol was disappointed, but she didn't to make her do anything she didn't want to, and Shawn and Sasha seemed happy to watch her for the night. They didn't have plans, and Shawn said watching Sophia was like a test run. It terrified Carol. If Sasha wasn't going to be there, she would've make Sophia come with her tonight.

"Daryl." She took his hand and led him over to where Karen and Milton were. "Karen, this is Daryl Dixon." She gripped his hand tighter. "Daryl, this is Karen Mamet."

She smiled. "Well, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you."

He gave a nod. "Nice to meet you."

They went inside, Carol almost forgot to let go of Daryl's hand, but Karen had noticed before Carol let go to remove her coat. They sat down in the back, Milton and Daryl began a small argument over who was going to pay, and Carol and Karen laughed, both surprised how easy they got along since they were total opposites.

When their server came by and asked what type of wine they wanted, Daryl leaned over and whispered, "Where's Sophia?"

Karen and Milton looked over the list of wines.

"At Shawn's." She crossed her legs. "She isn't feeling well, so Shawn and Sasha are taking care of her. My parents had plans tonight, and Sophia hasn't spent much time with Shawn, so she wanted to spend some time over there."

"Is it bad?"

"I think it's an upset stomach. She's had a lot of junk today." She met his eyes. "She'll be fine, don't worry. She'll be over there tomorrow to spend time with Paige, so you can see for yourself how she is."

He nodded.

Karen called to Carol to ask her if she wanted any specific type of wine, but Carol didn't reply. She turned and found her and Daryl watching each other, not even speaking. "Carol?"

"Hmm?" She looked over. "What?"

"It's nothing. I don't think you need a drink."

"Oh, water's fine. I don't like alcohol."

"And you, Daryl?" Milton asked.

"I don't drink." He took a drink of water.

They ordered what they wanted, Carol giggled at how Daryl ordered, but it wasn't at him. It was at how he was acting, like he was trying to impress somebody, and it was adorable. Karen had to pull Carol away, so they went to the bathroom, leaving Milton and Daryl to either sit awkwardly or talk to each other about spots or hunting or business or...types of beer.

"Not to sound rude, because it doesn't matter either way, but is Daryl slow at all?" Karen asked when they were in the bathroom.

"No, not at all. Why?"

"Because I don't see how he doesn't know how you feel. My God, it's so obvious that you're in love with him."

"It is not—Is it?"

"Yes, but it's refreshing. Normally, you cringe and keep silent. Now, you're smiling and giggling and flirting. I've never seen this side of you before, but I like it." She smiled. "I like him too. He's a little rough and a lot of redneck, but he's all right. He's very...Daryl, I guess."

"Is that a good thing? Because if you're using his name to describe him, you can't think of an actual word to describe him."

"Yes, it's a good thing." She crossed her arms. "He...changed you."

"Changed me?"

"You're different, more... Well, just more you."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Let's go before the awkward silence spreads through the entire restaurant."

Daryl and Milton had found something to talk about, so it wasn't that awkward. They enjoyed their meal, getting to know each other, and Carol felt so very content by the time they were halfway through their dinner. Daryl wasn't an open person, but he still answered the questions, and Karen wasn't asking anything too invasive, so Daryl wasn't tense at all. Karen was an open person, but Daryl didn't ask many questions. Carol and Milton mostly watched and listened, but it was still very comfortable. She hoped it wasn't one of those things where they were all having a good time and then when she and Daryl left, he told her he hated them both. Or vice versa. It would break her heart.

Carol started to ask about Ed, but she didn't want to ruin the evening. They had tomorrow to talk about him. "So, how's Noah?"

"He's doing well health wise, but school wise, he's failing."

"Why? He's smart."

"Yes, but he's lazy. He won't apply himself, and he doesn't know what he wants to do for a living." She shook her head and picked up her glass of water. "He wanted me to tell you he says hi and he hopes you and Sophia are doing well."

"How sweet. Tell him I said the same." Carol adjusted her earring. "How's your Grandmother?"

"She's in uh...in a nursing home." Milton set his hand over Karen's, and she held it. "She had a stroke last Monday, and Noah and I agreed it would be best to put her in a nursing home. We checked it out, and I know the doctor personally, so we're not too worried. I trust them, and I know she's in good hands I know she'll be fine."

"Oh, I am so sorry." Carol knew how much their grandmother meant to them. After Karen's mother, Grace, passed and their step-father was arrested, their grandmother took them in and raised them. Because of her, Karen met Milton. Daya, their grandmother, knew Milton's father when he was a child, so after Karen turned fifteen, Daya sent Karen to Randall for a job to help her pay for college, and after working their for two years, she met Milton. He had accidentally broken his glasses, and he was stumbling down the stairs as Karen was heading up, and she helped him to his father's office for the extra pair he had in his briefcase, and that was that. They were friends for a year then Karen asked him to her senior prom, and they started dating after she kissed him in their prom picture.

"I'm okay. It's Noah I worry about. He's been very distant." She inhaled to calm her emotions. "I'm fine." She gave Milton a loving smile.

"God, Karen, get a room," Carol teased, trying to cheer Karen up. She hated to see her look so sad.

"Don't even go there." Karen turned to her. "Do you remember when I came home and found you—"

"Oh, gross, don't even." Carol shuddered. "We said we would never bring that up."

"What?" Daryl glanced between them. "Found her?"

"Karen," Carol warned.

"It was our freshmen year of college," she said over Carol's protests. "And Carol was staying with me and Milton for Thanksgiving, and I walk in on her and my cousin were making out on my bed."

Carol buried her face in her hands.

"What?" Daryl blinked.

"She blames it on hormones."

"Shut up, please!"

She laughed. "You were five months pregnant, but for some reason, she was carrying Sophia very high, so you couldn't tell she was pregnant. She dropped around the last month or so, and she was so cute."

"What, did you bring the pictures?" Carol was rethinking her decision to have wine.

"I do have them at my place. You should come by tomorrow and see them."

"Or not. I think he's thinking not," Carol pressed.

"Sure," Daryl agreed.

"Yes!" Karen cheered softly as to not disturb the people around them. "Mamet one, Greene zero."

"For now," Carol shot back. "For now."

"Well, whatever happened, he certainly is still into you." Karen moved hair out of her eyes. "He still sends flowers."

"For the trillionth time—nothing happened! We just kissed, and then you walked in. He bolted, and I ate the pecan pie."

"I know, but I haven't gotten to fluster you in two months, so I'm making up for lost time." She smirked. "Besides, we both know who—"

"I still shank you." Carol held up a knife.

"Oh, my gosh!" Karen gasped, suddenly remembering. "The play."

"Oh, dear God." Carol paled. "Don't!"

"Play?" Daryl glanced between them, swallowing water along with annoyance of Karen's cousin touching and kissing Carol. "What play?"

"Every year, my father and a few of his business associates put on a play," Milton explained. "They donate the money to a charity. That particular year, Carol and Karen were asked to help, because no one else could fit into the costumes."

"It was a nightmare. A really bad, never ending nightmare." Carol tucked hair behind her ear. "And they recorded it."

"I still have a copy." Karen winked at Daryl. "I'll hook you up."

"And I will stab you." She waved the knife at her. "I will burn the DVD."

"I have more than one copy."

"Then I will burn your house down and all of your other summerhouses. Try me. I have no life, so beware all my free time."

She laughed. "Let's just tell him about it. It'll be fine. He won't see you in costume or anything."

"Fine, but I'll be the first to prove you can die of embarrassment."

Daryl watched how Carol and Karen interacted, and he saw they were really close, like her and her sisters. He'd never heard Carol mention college, not any of the fun stuff, but it was like Karen made her feel safe enough to talk about it. He knew it was both of them being there that made her safe. He didn't know how he knew, but he did.

They told him about the play and how much of a disaster it was, but luckily, the viewers assumed it was parody, and they got a lot of laughs. Daryl had an image of his head of this play, and he seriously wanted to see the hell they were doing, because it was so damn strange. It was stranger still that Carol had done so much while she away, before the abuse really broke her, but he was glad she was able to enjoy herself. Not matter how he felt, he always felt better knowing she was happy. He was grateful to Karen, more than he could ever express with words, but he wanted her to know, so he was going to tell her.

When they finished their dinner, they continued to talk through dessert, and Carol wore this smile that Daryl only seen on rare occasions. She was contented, and it brought a small smile to his lips that he was part of the reason she was so happy.

"I'm paying," Milton decided.

"No, I can—"

"Daryl," Carol interrupted softly, "pipes."

Well, shit. Daryl nodded. "Er, thanks, man."

They got ready to leave, Carol spoke to Milton, thanking him for paying for dinner and asking him about their plans for their anniversary. It wasn't until Thursday, so Carol didn't feel _too_ guilty about them having to be down here, because Karen was worried about Carol. She would try and make it up to them when this shit was over, and they could call and write.

"Hey, Daryl." Karen buttoned her coat up. "Could I have a word?"

"Yeah, I wanted to tell you somethin'."

"May I go first?"

He nodded.

"I don't know what Ed intends to do about Carol and Sophia, but I do know whatever it is, it isn't going to be fast. He's going to make Carol suffer for these past couple months. He'll keep Sophia, but she won't be safe with him. He'll probably do horrible things to her when she's older, maybe even at the age she is now." She shook her head. "I have to know that if Ed offers you—"

"I ain't ever gonna let that bastard take them," he vowed. "Nothin' he has, I want." He already had what he needed.

She nodded. "Good. I'm glad."

"'Bout Carol and Sophia, I just wanted to thank you for all that you did for them. I can't ever repay you, but know I'm real grateful."

She smiled. "You're very welcome. I'm really grateful to you as well. You've helped to change her for the better, and I can't repay you for that. I haven't seen her smile so much ever. Maybe when Sophia was born."

"Are you ready?" Milton asked, holding the door open.

"Mm-hmm." She turned to Carol. "Are you riding with us? We're going home, but we can take you to the farm, if you want."

"No, thank you. I'll ride home with Maggie. She'll be heading home in an hour, so I just have to find something to do until then."

"All right." She hugged her goodbye. "Good night." She whispered, "I love him."

Carol smiled widely. "Good night. And thank you for dinner."

"You're welcome." Milton smiled. "Good night. It was nice meeting you, Daryl."

"Same to you." He stepped back toward the parking lot. "Drive safe."

Carol fell into step beside him. "So?"

"They're all right." He glanced at her, and she just kept smiling. "What?"

"It's nothing."

"You look creepy as hell."

She laughed. "I'm just happy." She checked her watch. "I should go find something to do for an hour. I don't want Sophia to feel rushed. It's been a long time since she's spent time with him, so I'll give her an hour more. I just need something to do."

"You can come back to my place."

"I'd love to."

The drive back to his house was short, Carol told him about college and all she and Karen used to do. She wasn't a party girl, so he wasn't surprised when most of it was studying. He listened to some weird stories, most because Carol looked so happy to tell them. She was opening up, and he even learned how Carol and Ed met. He tried not to clench his jaw, because one of these days, he might break his teeth from the grinding.

– – –

"_Do I have to?" Carol asked again, still clinging to her notebook where she was rewriting notes for her first test. "I don't like parties."_

"_Well, you need to get your nose out of a book." Karen pulled out a sleeveless, V-neck, red and black plaid schoolgirl-looking tartan dress with a swingy layered hem. "This would be so cute on you."_

"_Where the hell did you get that?" _

"_It was a gift from Milton's uncle to his wife, but she didn't like it, so it ended up in my suitcase. Look, it's cute, and it'll look great on you. We'll curl your hair and add a belt. Please, I need to get out of this dingy little room, and so do you. Fresh air and all that."_

"_I have to study."_

"_The test is next week!"_

"_So? I can pretend to not know that. Besides, preparation."_

"_What are you, a slayer? C'mon, just put this on and tell me no."_

"_For the love of all things holy, I am going to murder you!" She slammed her book closed and grabbed the dress. "One hour. We are only staying one damn hour then you are buying me coffee and we are coming home to study in silence!"_

"_All right, killer."_

"_Don't. I will hurt you." _

"_Fine." Karen turned her back to let Carol dress and found a gold and black dress for herself. She changed and did her hair and Carol's. She hoped by the time they arrived, the evil would've receded. She didn't know if Carol was just hateful on her period or what, but she hoped it didn't last too long, because Karen was a bitch on a hers. They'd kill each other._

_Arriving at the party, Carol instantly hated it. It was loud and full of smoke and smelled of stale beer. Karen got her a glass of punch, which Carol refused, because it smelled like alcohol and she wasn't drinking. She grabbed a bottle of unopened water and sat down in the corner, just watching and trying not to get a headache._

_About twenty minutes in, Karen came over to her, and Carol closed the half-empty bottle of water._

"_Come and dance with me." _

"_I don't feel like dancing. My stomach's upset."_

"_Why? Cramps?"_

"_No, hunger. I haven't eaten since lunch. I forgot to eat dinner."_

"_We'll go to the place down the street after and eat. Do you want some chips?"_

"_No, I want to leave."_

"_Could you at least try and have fun?" Karen begged. "Smile!"_

"_What for?" She had nothing to smile about. All there was was her leaving the love of her life and losing her baby boy. She wouldn't be surprised if she never smiled again. "Just leave me be, okay? I'm here, so just accept that."_

"_All right. I'll grab you another bottle of water."_

_Carol crossed her legs and rested a hand on her stomach, hoping the time until they left flew by. She forgot her watch, so she had no idea what time it was. She just wanted to go home and eat and sleep. The dorm wasn't home. She no longer had a home, not one that she could easily return to anyway._

"_Here."_

_She lifted her eyes and found a young man in front of her. He was tall with dark hair and gray-blue eyes that made her insides quiver. He was wearing jeans and a graphic t-shirt, offering her a bottle of water. It hadn't been opened, but she wasn't going to accept any drink from a stranger. "No, thanks."_

"_It's not drugged, I swear." He smiled._

"_I'm not thirsty." She averted her eyes, feeling the pepper spray in her jacket pocket. If he kept bugged her, she would use it._

_He sat down beside her and opened the water, taking a drink. "Is this your first college party?"_

"_And hopefully my last." She still didn't look at him._

"_Why do you say that?"_

"_I'm not a people person. In fact, I'm practically a hermit, so excuse me while I go be socially awkward. By myself."_

_He laughed, and she turned to look at him. "Well, I'm Ed. Can I call you Pra for short?"_

_She didn't smile. "I'm Carol."_

"_Ed Peletier." He held his hand out._

"_Carol—er, Caroline Deangelo." She shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you." Thank God she remembered that._

"_Can I get you anything? More water? A Jell-O shot? A quiet place to talk?"_

"_You know, I think I'm good for...pretty much ever." She shook her water bottle. "So, you're not new, are you?"_

"_Nah, I'm almost outta here. One more year then I'm gone." He smiled about it. "How'd you know?"_

"_You have that arrogant air about you. It typically comes from the wealthy and upperclassmen." _

"_Well, I'll keep my air to myself then."_

"_Could you do it over there?" She pointed to an empty seat across the room._

"_Are you always so charming? Or is this just all for me?"_

_She met his eyes and saw he was genuinely asking, and...she laughed. It was short, but it was a laugh. She'd forgotten what that felt like, and as soon as the laugh was over, she felt like she'd betrayed herself. She was laughing while Daryl was suffering. What a bitch she was._

"_You all right?"_

_She swallowed hard. "I'm all right, yeah. I just—the smell is getting to me."_

"_Let's go for a walk. Fresh air's always good for you."_

_She looked over and saw Karen talking with one of her other friends. She didn't want to go with him, but she had pepper spray and she could run if he was a pervert. She really didn't want to stay here any longer. Karen would just have to understand."I'd love to go on a walk. Just excuse me for a moment." She weaved through the crowd. "Karen!"_

_She turned. "You're gonna dance?" The excitement was in her tone._

"_No, I'm going to get some fresh air. I'll call if I need a ride."_

"_Don't walk home, Carol! It's dangerous."_

"_I'll be fine. I'm not—going alone."_

_She grinned. "All right. Tomorrow, you're telling me everything."_

"_There'll be nothing to tell." She turned and slipped through the crowd, meeting Ed by the door, and they left. "Do you go to those parties often?"_

"_Only from time to time." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You obviously hate parties. That girl dragged you along?"_

"_Yes, she did." _

"_So, Caroline Deangelo, how come I've never seen you around before?"_

"_I just moved here."_

"_From?"_

"_Ohio."_

"_I have family there."_

"_Oh?"_

"_An uncle." He nodded. _

"_That's...something. Do you speak to him still?" God, did he have to talk so much? Couldn't they enjoy the silence? Good Lord._

"_Not really."_

"_Why not?"_

"_He's older and doesn't really like my mother, so we don't talk to him anymore." He shrugged. "What about you? Do you still speak to your family?"_

"_I don't have any family." She rubbed her arms. "It's just me."_

"_I'm so sorry. I—I can't imagine how that must feel."_

"_No, you **really** can't."_

_He set a hand on her arm then removed it, not speaking for a moment. "Are you hungry? There's a place around down the street that makes the best pizza."_

"_I don't have much money, so—"_

"_I'll pay for it."_

"_Oh, no, you don't have to do that."_

"_Well, you got all prettied up, so don't waste it. C'mon, we'll eat and talk. I'm not taking no for answer. You're probably the best company I've had in a long time." He walked backward toward the restaurant. "Please?"_

_What the hell? It might be nice to do something she normally wouldn't. It might take her mind off of Daryl. "I'm coming." She fell into step beside him. "I'd rather have a burger, though."_

"_All right. I can share."_

_She put on a smile. "Sure." What's the worst thing that can happen?_

––

_After eating and listening to Ed talk about his life, he took her to his place. It was nearby and the rain was really coming down at that point, so Carol just went with it. She might as well try and make friends. Karen was trying really hard to be friends and make sure Carol had fun, so she was going to make the most of it. She was going to try and have...fun._

"_...so I've spent the past couple years slowly taking over my uncle's business. That's my dad's uncle, not my mom's." Ed unlocked the door. "Well, this is it."_

_She stepped inside, looking inside. It very simple and a little bit of a mess, but it was warm and dry. Her jacket had done little to warm her, because it was made from a thin material and it was already pretty worn from years of use. "It's nice."_

"_Ignore the smell. It's...probably old pizza." He guided her into the living room. "My brother stayed here last week, and he made a mess of everything."_

"_Oh, you have a brother?" _

"_Yes, his name's Phillip." He cleared the couch of shirts and blankets. "Technically, he's my half-brother, but he's been with me all my life, so that doesn't mean much."_

"_He's older?"_

"_By a few years." He tossed them into the spare room. "Have a seat, please."_

_She sat down. "Could you turn the heat on, please?"_

"_Yeah." He tossed a blanket beside her. "It's a really shitty system, so use that till it kicks on."_

_She covered her legs and removed her jacket, setting it on the arm of the couch. She rubbed her arms. "You stay here by yourself?"_

"_Uh, yeah." He returned. "Do you want some...coffee? It's the only hot drink I have."_

"_I'm okay." _

"_You're shaking." He walked over to her. "Here." He removed his shirt, leaving himself in wife beater and he held it out. "I'm clean, and it's clean too."_

"_Um...okay." She took it and pulled it down over her. It smelled musty like cologne, and it gagged her momentarily. She didn't like the smell. She preferred the scent of earth and...leather. It was warm at least. She lifted her eyes, feeling her necklace **ice** cold against her chest, and it was hard to breathe. **No, no, no, no. **_

"_What's wrong?" He saw panic and tears fill her eyes. "C—Carol?"_

_She couldn't breathe; her lungs felt as though they were shrinking and the air flooded out. Her body began to shake, and she grabbed the hem of the shirt and yanked it off. She stood up and walked away from the shirt, away from Ed and the couch, and she inhaled shakily, gasping for air._

"_What the hell?" He looked at her. "Oh, Christ." He touched her arm. "You okay?"_

"_No." She shook her head, clutching her necklace and squeezing her eyes shut._

"_Shit, your arm."_

_Red bumps spread across her arms, and she blinked back tears. "I—I should go."_

"_Not when it's raining like that." He pulled her back gently. "Just sit down. Breathe. I'll get some Benadryl and some water. It's probably my detergent. It's generic shit." He studied her. "It's all right. Just calm down."_

_She took a seat on the couch after a moment, catching her breath, and he disappeared into the kitchen. She ran a hand through her hair down to her neck, massaging the base of her neck, and her body shook as tears climbed out of her eyes._

_No, no, not again. She squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn't going to do this again. She wasn't going to break down and cry. God, it's been two weeks. Why wasn't this getting any better? She could do this. She had to do this, so why didn't her heart just accept that? God, it was just getting so much harder. Her body was even rejecting clothes that weren't hers or Daryl's. Great. God, it was just a shirt, why did she do that? He's probably going to think she's insane. He's probably calling the cops right now._

"_Take this." He held out a bottle of water, sitting on the coffee table, and he opened a bottle of Benadryl. "And these." _

_She took the bottle of water but not the pills. "I'll be all right."_

"_Smart, but they're just Benadryl."_

_She shook her head. "I don't want them."_

"_All right." He dropped them back into the bottle and closed it. _

_She opened the water, breaking the seal, and she took a long drink. "Thank you, but I should still go."_

"_Once the rain stops," he insisted. "Unless I'm bad company."_

_She sighed. "So, your brother? Is he out of college?"_

"_Yes. He's a detective. Well, he's getting there." He slid back on the coffee table. "Do you have any siblings?"_

"_No. I'm an only child." She took another long drink of water. "And I don't see my parents anymore, so it's just me."_

"_That must be lonely."_

_She shrugged a shoulder. "It's...how I live now."_

"_Do you have any friends here?" He loosely laced his fingers together. "Or a boyfriend?"_

"_No. No, it's just me. Well, there's Karen. She's...friendly." She closed the bottle of water. "I'm okay with it. Or...I'm trying to be. I guess I don't like to be alone." Tears filled her eyes, and he tilted his head. "I'm afraid of being alone to be honest."_

"_Me too," he whispered. "That's why my brother stays here a lot."_

_She met his eyes, seeing Daryl behind those gray-blue eyes, and she didn't look away. She missed him so much, and everything kept telling her to go back to him. If she could look into those eyes forever, she might not feel so empty anymore._

_Carol blinked when Ed kissed her, pulling away quickly, and he jumped back, hands up in a gesture of peace. "What?" She sounded confused, and she didn't know what just happened._

"_Sorry, I—I just to conclusions all the time, and—Damn it, I didn't mean to—"_

_She set the bottle of water on the floor then grasped his face with her hands and kissed him, never looking from his eyes. His lips were soft and warm, although she could taste liquor on his tongue. She pushed against him, her knees touching the edge of the coffee table, and she wrapped an arm around his neck. She knew this was stupid, because she didn't really know him or want him and she was still deeply in love with Daryl, but she wanted to feel something other than this engulfing pain. She couldn't stand another second of this damn pain. She couldn't._

_He grasped her hips, pushing her back so he could catch his breath. "Are you sure? I mean—"_

"_Just shut up." She searched his eyes. "I'm not asking for commitment; I don't want it. I just want you to have sex with me. Okay?"_

_He nodded. "Okay."_

"_Then stop talking." _

_He stood up and kissed her hard, his hands digging into her skin, and she was almost thankful because it was pulling her out of her head. She couldn't be in her head for a second longer, and even though she knew she would regret this, at least she wouldn't have to see Ed after tonight._

– – –

She waited Daryl unlocked the door, and she felt his eyes on her, so she looked up and slowly smiled. He was just watching her, and she couldn't look away from him. She didn't want to.

"What?" she finally asked.

"You...ain't even upset 'bout it." He opened the door. "You cried before."

"Yeah, well... I had a long talk with Shawn," she confessed. "He's not the best at holding in his anger, but he did his best for me and gave me really good advice." She stepped inside.

"What advice?" He locked the door and removed his jacket.

"If I'm afraid of the mere memory of Ed...how can I ever hope to face him?" She turned to Daryl. "I have no illusions that Ed will just let me and Sophia go, so I need to prepare myself, mentally and physically. Mag's gonna teach me how to fight. She doesn't know about Ed or the abuse, so it's just...for fun to her."

He nodded. "Are you gonna tell 'em?"

"One day."

He set his keys in the dish. "Want somethin' to drink?"

"Actually, I would love a glass of wine." She laced her fingers together. "Would that be too awkward? Us drinking together?"

"How do you think I'm gonna get through Christmas?" He smirked.

"Oh, don't." She stepped toward the kitchen. "Dad will flip out. He abhors alcohol, and none of us can drink in the house."

"Gotta flask."

"Daryl."

"I'm kiddin'." He pulled out two beers out of the fridge. "Amy don't drink, and I don't drink wine, so here."

"Can I at least have a glass?" She took the bottle and set it on the island.

He grabbed a glass. "'Bout Sophia comin' over... Can she just stay over?"

"You wouldn't mind?" Carol opened the beer. "She'd love that." She emptied half of the beer into the glass and took a drink then softly said, "You don't have to force it."

"Hmm?" He lowered the bottle from his lips.

"A father-daughter relationship." She sat down on a stool and crossed her legs. "It'll come on its own."

"Not if I never see her."

"What, do you want me to move in with you just so you can see her all the time?" She ran her finger across the moisture on the bottom of the glass.

"Tsh, I just wanna see her more than once a week."

She met his eyes. "Okay, look, let's work out a schedule."

"A schedule?"

"Yes. Sophia's with me all week, so do you want the weekends? Or every other weekend?" She searched his eyes. "What time is best for you? I'm working a lot lately, and with Mag and Beth busy with work and school, and Dad and Mom and Patricia and Otis having their hands full with the farm and the shop and trying to get better, there's no one to really... Well, I hate saying watch; Sophia's not a test subject. There's no one to spend time with her."

"What, have her over every day till you get off?"

"When you're not working, sure." She smiled at his expression. "Too much?"

"Yeah." He took a long drink from his beer.

"Okay, let's talk about this." She was sure Shawn wouldn't mind having Sophia stay a little longer. It wasn't as if Sophia would be awake anyway, so she would just pick her up after.

––

"She's exhausted," Sasha told Shawn. "Why don't you let her take a nap in our room? I just washed the sheets. She should be comfortable there." Or just sleep in there tonight since Carol was supposed to pick her up an hour ago. It didn't matter, they had room, and Sophia was a good kid. She was really sweet, and Sasha was very fond of her.

"Sounds like a plan." He set his laptop on the coffee table and joined Sophia in the kitchen. "Hey, munchkin."

She lifted her head, her eyes lips dropping slightly. "Hi."

"You look pooped, kiddo." He crouched down. "You even drew on the table." He pointed to the purple mark on the wood.

"Huh? Oh...I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It's just a table." He held his hand out. "C'mere, it's time for a nap."

"No, I'm okay. Mommy will be here soon."

"You can help us paint if you nap. I promise. I'll even let you help me with the collage I'm gonna hang up in there."

"Mmm'kay, but I don't have Dee Dee." She rubbed her eye.

All he had was an old baseball glove, and it was buried in one of the boxes in his so-called office. He really needed to unpack. He looked at his wife. _Any stuffed animals? _he mouthed.

She held up a finger, disappeared into the nursery and returned with a stuffed blue dog.

"I have a dog you can borrow." He picked Sophia up and walked over to Sasha. "She's cute with big floppy ears. I call her...er, Pluto."

Sophia looked at the stuffed dog. "Hey, Pluto."

"You wanna put her down?" Shawn asked. "You could use the practice."

"Tempting, but I have to finish sending off the thank you notes since you "forgot"." She tucked the dog under his arm. "Good night, sweetie."

"Mmm..."

Shawn carried her into the bedroom, she coiled up in the middle of it, and he covered her with the duvet, tucking the dog into her arms. "Do you want me to tell you about Ethan again? The great protector?" He doubted she needed a bedtime story. After the day they had, he wasn't surprised she was drained.

She shook her head. "I know he's with me."

"Yes, he is." He smiled at her. "Ethan's always protecting you, munchkin."

She nodded, her eyes closing.

"Sleep tight." He flicked the light off, closing the door but leaving it cracked. "She's out."

"God, it's so late. Where is Carol?" Sasha looked at her watch. "I'm going to have to make dinner for her tonight. All she's had was a couple of chips and half a sandwich a couple hours ago. I suppose we'll have hamburgers. It's really all we have that she'll eat."

"Darn, I was looking forward to the kelp wraps."

She smirked. "I may make them just for you."

"Can't you just kill me?"

She laughed. "Here, sign your name."

"All right." He took the pen and signed the card. "Thank for the toaster...person I don't know."

"Shawn!"

"What?" He tossed the pen on the table. "I don't know Michonne. She doesn't know me either."

"Thank God for that, or she'd have your balls on a plate for cheating on me."

"She lives far away, right? I don't have to, like, put bars on the window, do I? Does she hold grudges?"

"She does."

"So, we've thought about a security system, right? I had afford it, just let me see how much my soul is."

"Not much, I'm guessing."

"I could sell my body, but my mother would kill me herself." He cocked a hip. "Just give me a feather boa."

She arched a brow. "And a cheetah thong."

"I like it better on you." He kissed her, sitting down. "So, is that all the cards?"

"Yeah, I'll drop them off tomorrow." She tucked hair behind her ear and felt Shawn's hand on her stomach. "Are you summoning them to kick again? I thought I explained the whole process to you."

"Sometimes, I just like to feel."

"And sometimes your hands goes to the wrong place."

He moved his hand. "Does my touching your stomach bother you? I've always touched your stomach. I've sucked a marshmallow out of your belly button before, so if my touching bothers you and that didn't—"

"No, it doesn't bother me." She met his eyes. "It's just... My pants don't fit anymore."

"So? As you explained, that happens," he teased.

She glared. "Forget it."

"What?" He watched her take the box of cards into the kitchen. "Am I being insensitive again?" He joined her. "What is it?"

She shook her head. "It's just very ridiculous."

"Tell me. I'm your husband. I've said stupider things, I assure you. I could write a book on how many ridiculous things I've said. A _really_ **long** book."

"It's just that late I've felt...very...unattractive."

"What?" He almost laughed.

"I know I'm pregnant with twins and getting fatter is normal, but I feel...like a blob."

"Sasha, you're hot."

"No."

"If Sophia wasn't in our bed, I would take you in there and do stuff to you that would make Merle Dixon blush."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure, you would."

"Hey, I would." He grabbed her arm. "Sasha, you're gorgeous, and there's nothing you do that I don't find sexy. Well, not vomiting, but who finds that attractive? Now, when you yawn, it's freaking adorable. So is your laugh, and when you hiccup. That's probably the cute—what?"

She smiled a little. "You totally love me."

"Yeah." He blushed. "Yeah, I do."

She kissed him. "I love you."

"Good, because our children hate me." He took the box of thank-you cards. "I'll drop these off tomorrow. I have to see my mom."

"What for?" She'd get back to him on the children hating him comment.

He shrugged. "Nothing important, just something I have to talk to her about." He put them into his bag and closed his laptop.

"What do you have to talk to her about?" she pressed.

"Stuff, you know? Pictures and stuff. It's really not important."

"It is, because you're lying." She crossed her arms. "What don't you want me to know?"

"I have an unholy love of cheese."

"I know that already."

He glanced at her then narrowed his eyes and scoffed. "You've got to be kidding. Do you really think I'm going to—?"

"No, I don't."

"Oh, please, I can see it in your eyes," he softly hissed. "I thought we worked this out."

"We did, and that's why I'm _not_ thinking that you're having an affair. I just want to know what's so important you can only tell Annette."

"It doesn't concern you, and before you get pissed, it's not because you're not apart of my family, because you are. It's—just very sensitive."

"What is it about?"

"Uh...Carol?" He needed to throw her off. Carol had secrets, but there was no way in hell he was going to tell their mother about Ed. She would find Ed and slaughter him. Or have a heart attack. He wasn't even going to think about either of those happening. He just needed to talk to her. He only had a couple months before the twins were born, and he needed to talk to her about his father and how he handled it. Then he was going to talk to Hershel. He didn't want Sasha to know about his doubts.

"Again, you're lying."

"Do you have to know every little thing I'm doing?" He said it softly, but his voice was sharp. "I have to speak to her."

She scoffed. "Fine." She walked out of the kitchen and into the guest bedroom.

"Shit, Sasha." He tried to follow her, but the door was locked. "Sasha, open the door. Please?"

She said nothing.

"I'll stand out here all night." Or stand for five minutes then sit. "I'm unyielding, you know this."

Still not a work.

"Sasha, please?"

There was a shuffling, and he tried the knob, but it was still locked. He groaned and hit the door then sat down. He didn't sit long, because Sophia started screaming. He scrambled to his feet, Sasha opened the door, and he bolted into her room, flicking the light on, and she was on the floor with a cut cheek and tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Christ." He dropped to his knees. "Sophia, what happened?" He picked her up and held her. "It's all right."

She was shaking, and she didn't speak.

Sasha checked the window, but it was locked. She looked under the bed and in the closet, but nothing was there. She turned to Shawn, shaking her head. "There's nothing."

He smoothed her hair down. "Shhh, it's all right, munchkin. It's all good." He rubbed her back. "I might not be tough, but I don't lie. You're safe. I promise you're safe."

She gripped his shirt tightly.

"Shh." He stood up slowly, making sure he had a good grip on her, and he took her to the living room, grabbing a box of alcohol pads off the bookcase. He handed it to Sasha and set Sophia down on the couch. He took the alcohol pad from Sasha and opened it, wiping at the blood on her cheek, and she closed her eyes tight. "Sorry."

She sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"Could you get her some water?" Shawn asked Sasha. "Her princess cup thing is in her bag."

She nodded, going into the kitchen and digging the cup out of her bag and filling it with water.

"It's all right." He tossed the pad into the trashcan. "I'll be right back, okay? I'll be in the kitchen."

She didn't look at him.

"Okay." He set a hand on her head then joined Sasha. "The window was locked, yeah?"

"I always lock them when it gets dark." She closed the lid to the princess cup. "And there's no other way into the house. Besides, you were right there. Even if there was someone in the room, that person wouldn't have had time to react; you'd have seen them. You certainly would've heard them, so maybe it was a bad dream."

"She could've cut her cheek on the dress," he suggested.

"Or maybe on the pillowcase," she reminded him. "That zipper broke last week in the dryer, and it's pretty sharp."

"Screw Carol's health food rules. Let's just order a pizza and give her some ice cream. It'll make her feel better. It always worked with Carol." He grasped the cup. "A small bowl of butter pecan. I'll get it in a sec." He returned to Sophia and handed her the cup, sitting on the floor in front of her, his arms resting over her little legs, not adding any pressure.

She took a drink and looked at him. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Being so loud." She studied the princesses on her cup.

"Don't worry about noise. I'm loud all the time."

"I couldn't get away."

"Away? Get away from what, munchkin?"

"A really bad man. I ran and ran, but he kept finding me." Her eyes were wide and full of fear. "I woke up and thought he was in the room. I fell out of bed and hurt my cheek..."

"See, we should've talked about Ethan." He met her eyes. He wanted to see her smile; it broke his heart to see her so shaken. It reminded him of when he and Carol were kids, and she'd scrap her knee or something. He always went out of his way to try and make her smile. Sometimes it worked.

She sniffed. "Can we now?"

"Do you want to start?" He crossed his legs, sitting on the floor. "Or do you not remember?"

"I remember, but I want you to tell it."

"I can do that. Can I get a smile first?" She didn't smile, so he grasped one of her little feet between his index finger and thumb, tickling her, and she squirmed back, giggling. "Once there was a little baby named Ethan. He was so little, you see, and God knew he wasn't ready for this world, so He took Ethan in His arms and out of world and He made him an angel."

Sasha watched Shawn from the kitchen.

"Well, for several months...Ethan was just _lost_. He didn't know where he was or where to go even." He smiled a little. "Then Ethan saw this beautiful white light that revealed an even more beautiful little girl, and he knew it was _his_ job to protect her. He vowed to look after this little girl, to shield her from harm, and he did. He never failed in his duty, but—" He waited for her to say it.

"But then," Sophia slowly said, "the little girl got hurt."

"Yes, she did." He stopped smiling. "Ethan saw the little girl ran out in front of danger, so he flew as fast as he could to jump in front of her. He softened the collision—you remember that means, yeah?"

She nodded.

"And by doing so, the little girl only got cut and a little bruised, but overall, she was just fine."

"You forgot the part—"

"No, I didn't," he interrupted her, "I'm getting here. I was building up to it, calm your jammies."

She waited.

"As the little girl rested, she dreamed of Ethan, and they had the same eyes, didn't they?" She vigorously nodded, and he laughed. "And tonight, Ethan was there too, but you pushed him away."

"No, I didn't!"

"You were scared, yeah?"

"Well...yes, but—"

"You chose fear, not Ethan." She frowned. "See, this bad man scares you a lot, yeah?"

"A lot." Her voice was small.

"Well, he's a bully, and Ethan's a protector. Ethan wants you to face your fear, and it was a little mean how he did it, but he was trying to tell you this man has no power over you. This bad man is _nothing_, and he'll never, _ever_ hurt you."

She thought about it. "He never found me."

"Ah, see."

"So...Ethan was with me, and he was helping me to not be afraid, 'cause the bad man won't find me."

"Smart munchkin." He smiled at her. "Yes, that's exactly what he was doing."

"But I'm still scared. What if Ethan hates me because I'm weak?"

"Tsh, you? Weak? Not possible! You're the toughest kid I know!" Then more gently, "Ethan will _never_ hate you, Sophia. He loves you and is watching over you always."

"So, if the bad man finds me, I don't have to be scared?"

"No."

"Because Ethan's protecting me."

"Yes. If the bad man finds you, just stay hidden and don't be scared, because he'll never find or hurt you. Ethan will make sure of that."

"What about Mommy? Will Ethan protect her too?"

"Mommy has another kind of protector. Do you know who?"

Sophia smiled. "Daddy."

"You win intelligence." Shawn high-fived her. "You win it all!"

She laughed.

"Let's get some ice cream and forget all about the bad man." He stood up. "Are you all right? You didn't get hurt when you fell off the bed, did you?"

"I'm okay."

"Just checking." He followed her into the kitchen and lifted her into a chair where Sasha gave her a spoon and a small bowl of ice cream.

Sasha walked over to him. "Is it a family trait to never see yourselves as you truly are?"

"What?"

"You and Carol both don't see how amazing you are. Do you not see what you're doing? How you took care of Sophia just then?"

"I'm just trying to teach her not to be afraid of Ed." He'd told Sasha the story, but only just bits and pieces. What Carol told him was just between them, and he wouldn't betray her, but he didn't want any secrets between him and Sasha, so he told her enough for her to understand. "If he somehow finds them and somehow gets Sophia alone, I want her to not be frozen in fear. I want her to be able to run as fast and as far as she can. I don't want her to stab anybody, but I might go there."

She smiled. "I'll order the pizza."

"Hey, wait." He caught her in the living room. "I still want to speak to my mother and to Hershel, but I know you know why. It's a little creepy how well you know, but... I've always second guessed myself with everything, and I need to know that I can do this."

"This being?"

"Raise our kids and be a good, supportive father. Be...a good husband. I—I'm sarcastic and awkward and not...all that great at giving out advice. Seriously, I steal advice from my parents and TV shows and occasionally from fortune cookies."

She laughed.

"You aren't helping."

"You're doing just fine as you are. You're not Ethan or Hershel; you're Shawn, and you're pretty damn good at being Shawn."

"Have you met me? No, seriously, I will completely—" he was cut off by her lips.

"And that's how I'll know you'll be a great father."

"That's a cheap answer," he mused.

"We're having twins, of course it's going to be cheap."

"Uncle Shawn?" Sophia called, shifting in her chair.

"What?"

"Someone's calling your phone." She pointed to it as the screen lit up.

He grabbed his phone and answered it. "Hello, abandoner."

"Excuse me?" It was Amy.

"Oh, sorry, wrong woman. What can I do for you?"

"I need to talk to you. Are you free tomorrow?"

"Uh, sure. We can meet at the Greene Leaf or in a dark alley?"

"Ha ha." She began to tell him where they could meet, and he began to wonder what she wanted from him. It didn't sound shady, but most shady stuff in his life isn't shady until he saw it. Even then, it sometimes went over his head. God, he hoped his kids got their mom's brain.


End file.
